O  F 


ECTUKE 
—OF— 


COL    R.  G.  INGERSOLL 


INCLUDING  His  LETTERS  ON  THE  CHINESE  GOD.     Is  SUICIDE 

A  SIN?    THE  RIGHT  TO  ONE'S  LIFE. 

ETC.,  ETC.,  ETC. 


fQtCSf 


CHICAGO: 

RHODES  &  MCCLURE  PUBLISHING  Co. 
1898. 


Entered  according  to  act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1897  by  the 

RHODES  &  MCCLURE  PUBLISHING  COMPANY, 
in  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  Washington,  D.  C. 

All  Rights  Reserved. 


GIFT 


Thomas  Paine 429 

Liberty  of  Man,  Woman  and  Child 483 

Orthodoxy 523 

Blasphemy 577 

Some  Reasons  Why 590 

Intellectual  Development 606 

Human  Rights 655 

Talmagian  Theology  (Second  Lecture) 667 

Talmagian  Theology  (Third  Lecture) 679 

Religious  Intolerance 68  $ 

Hereafter 69 1 

Review  of  His  Reviewers 716 

How    the   Gods  Grow 730 

The  Religion  of  our   Day. 744 

Heretics  And  Heresies 753 

The    Bible 785 

Voltaire 795 

Myth  and  Miracle 827 

Ingersoll's  Letter,  on  The  Chinese  God 839 

Ingersoll's   Letter,  Is   Suicide  a  Sin 840 

Ingersoll's  Letter,  The  Right  To  One's  Life 860 


M808912 


THOMAS    PAINE. 


INGERSOLL'S  LECTURE 


ON  — 


THOMAS  PAINE. 


DELIVERED    IN    CENTRAL    MUSIC    HALL,    CHICAGO, 
JANUARY    29,     l88o. 


(From  fhe  Chicago  Times,  Verbatim  Report.) 

.LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN: — It  so  happened  that  the 
first  speech — the  very  first  public  speech  I  ever  made— 
I  took  occasion  to  defend  the  memory  of  Thomas 
Paine. 

I  did  it  because  I  had  read  a  little  something  of  the 
history  of  my  country.  I  did  it  because  I  felt  indebted 
to  him  for  the  liberty  I  then  enjoyed — and  whatever  re- 
ligion may  be  true,  ingratitude  is  the  blackest  of  crimes. 
And  whether  there  is  any  God  or  not,  in  every  star  that 
shines,  gratitude  is  a  virtue. 

The  man  who  will  tell  the  truth  about  the  dead  is  a 
good  man,  and  for  one,  about  this  man,  I  intend  to  tell 
just  as  near  the  truth  as  I  can. 

Most  history  consists  in  giving  the  details  of  things 
that  never  happened — most  biography  is  usually  the  lie 

(429) 


43°  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

coming  from  the  mouth  of  flattery,  or  the  slander  com- 
ing from  the  lips  of  malice,  and  whoever  attacks  the  re- 
ligion of  a  country  will,  in  his  turn,  be  attacked.  Who- 
ever attacks  a  superstition  will  find  that  superstition  de- 
fended by  all  the  meanness  of  ingenuity.  Whoever 
attacks  a  superstition  will  find  that  there  is  still  one 
weapon  left  in  the  arsenal  of  Jehovah — slander. 

I  was  reading,  yesterday,  a  poem  called  the  "Light 
of  Asia,"  and  I  read  in  that  how  a  Boodh  seeing  a  tigress 
perishing  of  thirst,  with  her  mouth  upon  the  dry  stone 
of  a  stream,  with  her  two  cubs  sucking  at  her  dry  and 
empty  dugs,  this  Boodh  took  pity  upon  this  wild  and 
famishing  beast,  and,  throwing  from  himself  the  yellow 
robe  of  his  order,  and  stepping  naked  before  this  tigress, 
said  :  (t  Here  is  meat  for  you  and  your  cubs."  In  one 
moment  the  crooked  daggers  of  her  claws  ran  riot  in  his 
flesh,  and  in  another  he  was  devoured.  Such,  during 
nearly  all  the  history  of  this  world,  has  been  the  history 
of  every  man  who  has  stood  in  front  of  superstition. 

Thomas  Paine,  as  has  been  so  eloquently  said  by  the 
gentleman  who  introduced  me,  was  a  friend  of  man,  and 
whoever  is  a  friend  of  man  is  also  a  friend  of  God — if 
there  is  one.  But  God  has  had  many  friends  who  were 
the  enemies  of  their  fellow-men.  There  is  but  one  test 
by  which  to  measure  any  man  who  has  lived.  Did  he 
leave  this  world  better  than  he  found  it  ?  Did  he  leave 
in  this  world  more  liberty  ?  Did  he  leave  in  this  world 
more  goodness,  more  humanity,  than  when  he  was  born? 
That  is  the  test.  And  whatever  may  have  been  the 
faults  of  Thomas  Paine,  no  American  who  appreciates 
liberty,  no  American  who  believes  in  true  democracy 
and  pure  republicanism,  should  ever  breathe  one  word 


ON   THOMAS  PAINE.  43! 

against  his  name.  Every  American,  with  the  divine 
mantle  of  charity,  should  cover  all  his  faults,  and  with  a 
never-tiring  tongue  should  recount  his  virtues. 

He  was  a  common  man.  He  did  not  belong  to  the 
aristocracy.  Upon  the  head  of  his  father  God  had  never 
poured  the  divine  petroleum  of  authority.  He  had  not 
the  misfortune  to  belong  to  the  upper  classes.  He  had 
the  fortune  to  be  born  among  the  poor  and  to  feel  against 
his  great  heart  the  throb  of  the  toiling  and  suffering 
masses.  Neither  was  it  his  misfortune  to  have  been 
educated  at  Oxford.  What  little  sense  he  had  was  not 
squeezed  out  at  Westminster.  He  got  his  education 
from  books.  He  got  his  education  from  contact  with 
fellow-men,  and  he  thought ;  and  a  man  is  worth  just 
what  nature  impresses  upon  him.  A  man  standing  by 
the  sea,  or  in  a  forest,  or  looking  at  a  flower,  or  hearing 
a  poem,  or  looking  in  the  eyes  of  the  woman  he  loves, 
receives  all  that  he  is  capable  of  receiving — and  if  he  is 
a  great  man  the  impression  is  great,  and  he  uses  it  for 
the  purpose  of  benefiting  his  fellow-man. 

Thomas  Paine  was  not  rich  ,  he  was  poor,  and  his 
father  before  him  was  poor,  and  he  was  raised  a  sail- 
maker,  a  very  lowly  profession,  and  yet  that  man  be- 
came one  of  the  main-stays  of  liberty  in  this  world.  At 
one  time  he  was  an  excise  man,  like  Burns.  Burns  was 
once — speak  it  softly — a  gauger — and  yet  he  wrote 
poems  that  will  wet  the  cheek  of  humanity  with  tears 
as  long  as  the  world  travels  in  its  orb  around  the  sun. 

Poverty  was  his  brother,  necessity  his  master.  He 
had  more  brains  than  books  ;  more  courage  than  po- 
liteness ;  more  strength  than  polish.  He  had  no  ven- 
eration for  old  mistakes,  no  admiration  for  ancient 


432  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

lies.  He  loved  the  truth  for  truth's  sake  and  for  man's 
sake.  He  saw  oppression  on  every  hand,  injustice 
everywhere,  hypocricy  at  the  altar,  venality  on  the 
bench,  tyranny  on  the  throne,  and  with  a  splendid 
courage  he  espoused  the  cause  of  the  weak  against  the 
strong,  of  the  enslaved  many  against  the  titled  few. 

In  England  he  was  nothing.  He  belonged  to  the 
lower  classes — that  is,  the  useful  people.  England  de- 
pended for  her  prosperity  upon  her  mechanics  and  her 
thinkers,  her  sailors  and  her  workers,  and  they  are  the 
only  men  in  Europe  who  are  not  gentlemen.  The  only 
obstacles  in  the  way  of  progress  in  Europe  were  the 
nobility  and  the  priests,  and  they  are  the  only  gen- 
tlemen. 

This,  and  his  native  genius,  constituted  his  entire 
capital,  and  he  needed  no  more.  He  found  the  col- 
onies clamoring  for  justice  ;  whining  about  their  griev- 
ances ;  upon  their  knees  at  the  foot  of  the  throne,  im- 
ploring that  mixture  of  idiocy  and  insanity,  George  III., 
by  the  grace  of  God,  for  a  restoration  of  their  ancient 
privileges.  They  were  not  endeavoring  to  become  free 
men,  but  were  trying  to  soften  the  heart  of  their  master. 
They  were  perfectly  willing  to  make  brick  if  Pharaoh 
would  furnish  the  straw.  The  colonists  wished  for, 
hoped  for,  and  prayed  for  reconciliation.  They  did  not 
dream  of  independence. 

Paine  gave  to  the  world  his  ' '  Common  Sense. "  It 
was  the  first  argument  for  separation  ;  the  first  assault 
upon  the  British  form  of  government ;  the  first  blow  for 
a  republic,  and  it  aroused  our  fathers  like  a  trumpet's 
blast.  He  was  the  first  to  perceive  the  destiny  of  the 
new  world.  No  other  pamphlet  ever  accomplished  such 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  433 

wonderful  results.  It  was  filled  with  arguments,  reasons, 
persuasions,  and  unanswerable  logic.  It  opened  a  new 
world.  It  filled  the  present  with  hope  and  the  future 
with  honor.  Everywhere  the  people  responded,  and  in 
a  few  months  the  Continental  Congress  declared  the 
colonies  free  and  independent  states.  A  new  nation  was 
born. 

It  is  simple  justice  to  say  that  Paine  did  more  to  cause 
the  Declaration  of  Independence  than,  any  other  man. 
Neither  should  it  be  forgotten  that  his  attacks  upon 
Great  Britain  were  also  attacks  upon  monarchy,  and 
while  he  convinced  the  people  that  the  colonies  ought  to 
separate  from  the  mother  country,  he  also  proved  to 
them  that  a  free  government  is  the  best  that  can  be  in- 
stituted among  men. 

In  my  judgment  Thomas  Paine  was  the  best  political 
writer  that  ever  lived.  "  What  he  wrote  was  pure  na- 
ture, and  his  soul  and  his  pen  ever  went  together." 
Ceremony,  pageantry,  and  all  the  paraphernalia  of  power 
had  no  effect  upon  him.  He  examined  into  the  why 
and  wherefore  of  things.  He  was  perfectly  radical  in 
his  mode  of  thought.  Nothing  short  of  the  bed-rock 
satisfied  him.  His  enthusiasm  for  what  he  believed  to 
be  right  knew  no  bounds.  During  all  the  dark  scenes 
of  the  revolution  never  for  a  moment  did  he  despair. 
Year  after  year  his  brave  words  were  ringing  through 
the  land,  and  by  the  bivouac  fires  the  .weary  soldiers 
read  the  inspiring  words  of  "  Common  Sence,"  filled 
with  ideas  sharper  than  their  swords,  and  consecrated 
themselves  anew  to  the  cause  of  freedom. 

Paine  was  not  content  with  having  aroused  the  spirit 
of  independence,  but  he  gave  every  energy  of  his  soul  to 


434  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

keep  that  spirit  alive.  He  was  with  the  army.  He 
shared  its  defeats,  its  dangers,  and  its  glory.  When  the 
situation  became  desperate,  when  gloom  settled  upon 
all,  he  gave  them  the  ' '  Crisis. "  It  was  a  cloud  by  day 
and  a  pillar  of  fire  by  night,  leading  the  way  to  freedom, 
honor,  and  glory.  He  shouted  to  them  "  These  are  the 
times  that  try  men's  souls."  The  summer  soldier  and 
the  sunshine  patriot,  will,  in  this  crisis,  shrink  from  the 
service  of  his  country  ;  but  he  that  stands  it  now  de- 
serves the  love  and  thanks  of  man  and  woman. 

To  those  who  wished  to  put  the  war  off  to  some  future 
day,  with  a  lofty  and  touching  spirit  of  self-sacrifice,  he 
said  :  ''Every  generous  parent  should  say  :  ,  If  there 
must  be  war,  let  it  be  in  my  day,  that  my  child  may 
have  peace.' '  To  the  cry  that  Americans  were  rebels, 
he  replied  :  ' '  He  that  rebels  against  reason  is  a  real 
rebel  ;  but  he  that  in  defense  of  reason  rebels  against 
tyranny,  has  a  better  title  to  '  Defender  of  the  Faith ' 
than  George  III." 

Some  said  it  was  to  the  interest  of  the  colonies  to  be 
free.  Paine  answered  this  by  saying :  '  'To  know 
whether  it  be  the  interest  of  the  continent  to  be  inde- 
pendent, we  need  ask  only  this  simple,  easy  question  : 
'  Is  it  the  interest  of  man  to  be  a  boy  all  his  life  ? ' ' 
He  found  many  who  would  listen  to  nothing,  and  to 
them  he  said  :  <4That  to  argue  with  a  man  who  has  re- 
nounced his  reason  is  like  giving  medicine  to  the  dead." 
This  sentiment  ought  to  adorn  the  walls  of  every  ortho- 
dox church. 

There  is  a  world  of  political  wisdom  in  this  :  4 '  En- 
gland lost  her  liberty  in  a  long  chain  of  right  reasoning 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  435 

from  wrong  principles;"  and  there  is  real  discrimination 
in  saying:  "The  Greeks  and  Romans  were  strongly 
possessed  of  the  spirit  of  liberty,  but  not  the  principles, 
for  at  the  time  they  were  determined  not  to  be  slaves 
themselves,  they  employed  their  power  to  enslave  the 
rest  of  mankind." 

In  his  letter  to  the  British  people,  in  which  he  tried 
to  convince  them  that  war  was  not  to  their  interest, 
occurs  the  following  passage  brimful  of  common  sense  : 
' '  War  never  can  be  the  interest  of  a  trading  nation  any 
more  than  quarreling  can  be  profitable  to  a  man  in  bus- 
iness. But  to  make  war  with  those  who  trade  with  us 
is  like  setting  a  bull-dog  upon  a  customer  at  the  shop 
door. " 

The  writings  of  Paine  fairly  glitter  with  simple,  com- 
pact, logical  statements  that  carry  conviction  to  the 
dullest  and  most  prejudicial.  He  had  the  happiest  pos- 
sible way  of  putting  the  case,  in  asking  questions  in  such 
a  way  that  they  answer  themselves,  and  in  stating  his 
premises  so  clearly  that  the  deduction  could  not  be 
avoided. 

Day  and  night  he  labored  for  America.  Month  after 
month,  year  after  year,  he  gave  himself  to  the  great 
cause,  until  there  was  "  a  government  of  the  people  and 
for  the  people,"  and  until  the  banner  of  the  stars  floated 
over  a  continent  redeemed  and  consecrated  to  the  hap- 
piness of  mankind . 

At  the  close  of  the  Revolution  no  one  stood  higher  in 
America  than  Thomas  Paine.  The  best,  the  wisest, 
the  most  patriotic  were  his  friends  and  admirers  ;  and 
had  he  been  thinking  only  of  his  own  good  he  might 


43^  iNGERSOLlJs    LECTURES. 

have  rested  from  his  toils  and  spent  the  remainder  of 
his  life  in  comfort  and  in  ease.  He  could  have  been 
what  the  world  is  pleased  to  call  •'  respectable."  He 
could  have  died  surrounded  by  clergymen,  warriors,  and 
statesmen,  and  at  his  death  there  would  have  been  an 
imposing  funeral,  miles  of  carriages,  civic  societies, 
salvos  of  artillery,  a  Nation  in  mourning,  and,  above  all, 
a  splendid  monument  covered  with  lies.  He  choose 
rather  to  benefit  mankind.  At  that  time  the  seeds  sown 
by  the  great  infidels  were  beginning  to  bear  fruit  in 
France .  The  eighteenth  century  was  crowning  its  gray 
hairs  with  the  wreath  of  progress. 

On  every  hand  science  was  bearing  testimony  against 
the  church.  Voltaire  had  filled  Europe  with  light  ; 
D'Holbach  was  giving  to  the  elite  of  Paris  the  prin- 
ciples contained  in  his  "  System  of  Nature."  The 
encyclopaedists  had  attacked  superstition  with  informa- 
tion for  the  masses.  The  foundation  of  things  began 
to  be 'examined.  A  few  had  the  courage  to  keep  their 
shoes  on  and  let  the  bush  burn.  Miracles  began  to 
get  scarce.  Everywhere  the  people  began  to  inquire. 
America  had  set  an  example  to  the  world.  The  word 
liberty  was  in  the  mouths  of  men,  and  they  began  to 
wipe  the  dust  from  their  superstitious  knees.  The 
dawn  of  a  new  day  had  appeared. 

Thomas  Paine  went  to  France .  Into  the  new  move- 
ment he  threw  all  his  energies.  His  fame  had  gone 
before  him,  and  he  was  welcomed  as  a  friend  of  the 
human  race  and  as  a  champion  of  free  government. 

He  had  never  relinquished  his  intention  of  pointing 
out  to  his  countrymen  the  defects,  absurdities,  and 
abuse  of  the  English  government.  For  this  purpose 


ON   THOMAS  PAINE.  437 

he  composed  and  published  his  greatest  political  work, 
4 'The  Rights  of  Man."  This  work  should  be  read  by 
every  man  and  woman.  It  is  concise,  accurate,  rational, 
convincing,  and  unanswerable.  It  shows  great  thought, 
an  intimate  knowledge  of  the  various  forms  of  govern- 
ment, deep  insight  into  the  very  springs  of  human  action, 
and  a  courage  that  compels  respect  and  admiration. 
The  most  difficult  political  problems  are  solved  in  a 
few  sentences.  The  venerable  arguments  in  favor  of 
wrong  are  refuted  with  a  question — answered  with  a 
word.  For  forcible  illustration,  apt  comparison,  ac- 
curacy and  clearness  of  statement,  and  absolute  thor- 
oughness, it  has  never  been  excelled . 

The  fears  of  the  administration  were  aroused,  and 
Paine  was  prosecuted  for  libel,  -and  found  guilty  ;  and 
yet  there  is  not  a  sentiment  in  the  entire  work  that 
will  not  challenge  the  admiration  of  every  civilized  man. 
It  is  a  magazine  of  political  wisdom,  an  arsenal  of 
ideas,  and  an  honor  not  only  to  Thomas  Paine,  but  to 
nature  itself.  It  conld  have  been  written  only  by  the 
man  who  had  the  generosity,  the  exalted  patriotism, 
the  goodness  to  say  :  ' '  The  world  is  my  country,  and 
to  do  good  my  religion. " 

There  is  in  all  the  utterances  of  the  world  no  grander, 
no  sublimer  sentiment.  There  is  no  creed  that  can 
be  compared  with  it  for  a  moment.  It  should  be 
wrought  in  gold,  adorned  with  jewels,  and  impressed 
upon  every  human  heart :  ' '  The  world  is  my  country, 
and  to  do  good  my  religion." 

In  1792,  Paine  was  elected  by  the  department  of 
Calais  as  their  representative  in  the  National  Assembly. 
So  great  was  his  popularity  in  France,  that  he  was 


INGERSOLLS  LECTURES. 

selected  about  the  same  time  by  the  people  of  no  less 
than  four  departments. 

Upon  taking  his  place  in^  the  assembly,  he  was  ap- 
pointed as  one  of  a  committee  to  draft  a  constitution 
for  France.  Had  the  French  people  taken  the  advice 
of  Thomas  Paine,  there  would  have  been  no  "reign  of 
terror."  The  streets  of  Paris  would  not  have  been 
rilled  with  blood  in  that  reign  of  terror.  There  were 
killed  in  the  City  of  Paris  not  less,  I  think,  than  seven- 
teen thousand  people — and  on  one  night,  in  the  mas- 
sacre of  St.  Bartholomew,  there  were  killed,  by  assas- 
sination, over  sixty  thousand  souls — men,  women,  and 
children.  The  revolution  would  have  been  the  grandest 
success  of  the  world.  The  truth  is  that  Paine  was  too 
conservative  to  suit  the  leaders  of  the  French  revolution. 
They,  to  a  great  extent,  were  carried  away  by  hatred 
and  a  desire  to  destroy.  They  had  suffered  so  long, 
they  had  borne  so  much,  that  it  was  impossible  for  them 
to  be  moderate  in  the  hour  of  victory. 

Besides  all  this,  the  French  people  had  been  so  robbed 
by  the  government,  so  degraded  by  the  church,  that  they 
were  not  fit  material  with  which  to  construct  a  republic. 
Many  of  the  leaders  longed  to  establish  a  beneficent  and 
just  government,  but  the  people  asked  for  revenge. 
Paine  was  filled  with  a  real  love  for  mankind.  His  phil- 
anthropy was  boundless.  He  wished  to  destroy  monar- 
chy— not  the  monarch.  He  voted  for  the  destruction 
of  tyranny,  and  against  the  death  of  the  tyrant.  He 
wished  to  establish  a  government  on  a  new  basis — one 
that  would  forget  the  past ;  one  that  would  give  privileges 
to  none,  and  protection  to  all. 

In  the  assembly,  where  all  were  demanding  the  execu- 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  439 

tion  of  the  king,— where  to  differ  with  the  majority  was 
to  be  suspected,  and  where  to  be  suspected  was  almost 
certain  death  —  Thomas  Paine  had  the  courage, 
the  goodness,  and  the  justice  to  vote  against 
death.  To  vote  against  the  execution  of  the  king 
was  a  vote  against  his  own  life.  This  was  the 
sublimity  of  devotion  to  principle.  For  this  he  was 
arrested,  imprisoned,  and  doomed  to  death.  There  is 
not  a  theologian  who  has  ever  maligned  Thomas  Paine 
that  has  the  courage  to  do  this  thing.  When  Louis 
•Capet  was  on  trial  for  his  life  before  the  French  conven- 
tion, Thomas  Paine  had  the  courage  to  speak  and  vote 
against  the  sentence  of  death.  In  his  speech  I  find  the 
following  splendid  sentiments  : 

My  contempt  and  hatred  for  monarchical  governments 
are  sufficiently  well  known,  and  my  compassion  for  the 
unfortunate,  friends  or  enemies,  is  equally  profound. 

I  have  voted  to  put  Louis  Capet   upon    trial,    because 
it  was  necessary  to  prove  to  the  world  the   perfidy,    them 
corruption,  and  the  horror  of  the  monarchical  system. 

To  follow  the  trade  of  a  king  destroys  all  morality, 
just  as  the  trade  of  a  jailer  deadens  all  sensibility. 

Make  a  man  a  king  to-day  and  to-morrow  he  will  be  a 
brigand. 

Had  Louis  Capet  been  a  farmer,  he  might  have  been 
held  in  esteem  by  his  neighbors,  and  his  wickedness  re- 
sults from  his  position  rather  than  from  his  nature. 

Let  the  French  nation  purge  its  territory  of  kings 
without  soiling  itself  with  their  impure  blood. 

Let  the  United  States  be  the  asylum  of  Louis  Capet, 
where,  in  spite  of  the  overshadowing  miseries  and  crimes 
.of  a 'royal  life,  he  will  learn  by  the  continual  contempla- 


44°  INGERSOLI/S    LECTURES. 

tion  of  the  general  prosperity  that  the  true  system  of 
government  is  not  that  of  kings,  but  of  the  people. 

I  am  an  enemy  of  kings,  but  I  can  not  forget  that  they 
belong  to  the  human  race. 

It  is  always  delightful  to  pursue  that  course  where 
policy  and  humanity  are  united. 

As  France  has  been  the  first  of  all  the  nations  of 
Europe  to  destroy  royalty,  let  it-  be  the  first  to  abolish 
the  penalty  of  death. 

As  a  true  republican,  I  consider  kings  as  more  the  ob- 
jects of  contempt  than  of  vengeance." 

Search  the  records  of  the  world  and  you  will  find  but 
few  sublimer  acts  than  that  of  Thomas  Paine  voting 
against  the  king's  death.  He,  the  hater  of  despotism, 
the  abhorrer  of  monarchy,  the  champion  of  the  rights  of 
man,  the  republican,  accepting  death  to  save  the  life 
of  a  deposed  tyrant — of  a  throneless  king  !  This  was 
the  last  grand  act  of  his  political  life — the  sublime  con- 
clusion of  his  political  career. 

All  his  life  he  had  been  the  disinterested  friend  of 
man.  He  had  labored  not  for  money,  not  for  fame, 
but  for  the  general  good.  He  had  aspired  to  no  office. 
He  had  no  recognition  of  his  services,  but  had  ever 
been  content  to  labor  as  a  common  soldier  in  the  army 
of  progress,  confining  his  efforts  to  no  country,  looking 
upon  the  world  as  his  field  of  action.  Filled  with  a 
genuine  love  for  the  right,  he  found  himself  imprisoned 
by  the  very  people  he  had  striven  to  save. 

Had  his  enemies  succeeded  in  bringing  him  to  the  block, 
he  would  have  escaped  the  calumnies  and  the  hatred  of 
the  Christian  world.  And  let  me  tell  you  how  near 
they  came  getting  him  to  the  block.  He  was  in  prison, 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  44! 

there  was  a  door  to  his  cell — it  had  two  doors,  a  door 
that  opened  in  and  an  iron  door  that  opened  out.  It 
was  a  dark  passage,  and  whenever  they  concluded  to 
cut  a  man's  head  off  the  next  day,  an  agent  went  along 
and  made  a  chalk  mark  upon  the  door  where  the  poor 
prisoner  was  bound.  Mr.  Barlow,  the  American  minister, 
.happened  to  be  with  him  and  the  outer  door  was  shut, 
that  is,  open  against  the  wail,  and  the  inner  door  was  shut, 
and  when  the  man  came  along  whose  business  it  was  to 
mark  the  door  for  death,  he  marked  this  door  where 
Thomas  Paine  was,  but  he  marked  the  door  that  was 
against  the  wall,  so  when  it  was  shut  the  mark  was  in- 
side, and  the  messenger  of  death  passed  by  on  the  next 
day.  If  that  had  happened  in  favor  of  some  Methodist 
preacher,  they  would  have  clearly  seen,  not  simply  the 
hand  of  God,  but  both  hands.  In  this  country,  at  least, 
he  would  have  ranked  with  the  proudest  names.  On 
the  anniversary  of  the  Declaration,  his  name  would  have 
been  apon  the  lips  of  all  orators,  and  his  memory  in  the 
hearts  of  all  the  people. 

Thomas  Paine  had  not  finished  his  career.  He  had 
spent  his  life  thus  far  in  destroying  the  power  of  kings, 
and  now  turned  his  attention  to  the  priests.  He  knew 
that  every  abuse  had  been  embalmed  in  scripture — that 
every  outrage  was  in  partnership  with  some  holy  text. 
He  knew  that  the  throne  skulked  behind  the  altar,  and 
both  behind  a  pretended  revelation  of  God.  By  this 
time  he  had  found  that  it  was  of  little  use  to  free  the 
body  and  leave  the  mind  in  chains.  He  had  explored 
the  foundations  of  despotism,  and  had  found  them  in- 
finitely rotten .  He  had  dug  under  the  throne,  and  it 
occurred  to  him  that  he  would  take  a  look  behind  the 


442  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

altar.  The  result  af  this  investigation  was  given  to  the 
world  in  the  ''Age  of  Reason."  From  the  moment  of 
its  publication  he  became  infamous.  He  was  calumni- 
ated beyond  measure.  To -slander  him  was  to  secure 
the  thanks  of  the  church.'  All  his  services  were  instantly 
forgotten,  disparaged,  or  denied.  He  was  shunned  as 
though  he  had  been  a  pestilence .  Most  of  his  old  friends 
forsook  him.  He  was  regarded  as  a  moral  plague,  and 
at  the  bare  mention  of  his  name  the  bloody  hands  of 
the  church  were  raised  in  horror.  He  was  denounced 
as  the  most  despiceable  of  men. 

Not  content  with  following  him  to  his  grave,  they  pur- 
sued him  after  death  with  redoubled  fury,  and  recounted 
with  infinite  gusto  and  satisfaction  the  supposed  horrors 
of  his  death-bed  :  gloried  in  the  fact  that  he  was  forlorn 
and  friendless,  and  gloated  like  fiends  over  what  they 
supposed  to  be  the  agonizing  remorse  of  his  lonely 
death. 

It  is  wonderful  that  all  his  services  are  thus  forgotten. 
It  is  amazing  that  one  kind  word  did  not  fall  from  some 
pulpit  ;  that  some  one  did  not  accord  to  him,  at  least- 
honesty.  Strange  that  in  the  general  denunciation  some 
one  did  not  remember  his  labor  for  liberty,  his  devotion 
to  principle,  his  zeal  for  the  rights  of  his  fellow-men. 
He  had,  by  brave  and  splendid  effort,  associated  his 
name  with  the  cause  of  progress.  He  had  made  it  im- 
possible to  write  the  history  of  political  freedom  with 
his  name  left  out .  He  was  one  of  the  creators  of  light ; 
one  of  the  heralds  of  the  dawn.  He  hated  tyranny  in 
the  name  of  kings,  and  in  the  name  of  God,  with  every 
drop  of  his  noble  blood.  He  believed  in  liberty  and 
justice,  and  in  the  sacred  doctrine  of  human  equality. 


ON    THOMAS  PAINE.  443 

Under  these  divine  banners  he  fought  the  battle  of  his 
life.  In  both  worlds  he  offered  his  blood  for  the  good  of 
man.  In  the  wilderness  of  America,  in  the  French 
assembly,  in  the  sombre  cell  waiting  for  death,  he  was 
the  same  unflinching,  unwavering  friend  of  his  race  ; 
the  same  undaunted  champion  of  universal  freedom. 
And  for  this  he  has  been  hated  ;  for  this  the  church  has 
violated  even  his  grave. 

This  is  enough  to  make  one  believe  that  nothing  is 
more  natural  than  for  men  to  devour  their  benefactors. 
The  people  in  all  ages  have  crucified  and  glorified. 
Whoever  lifts  his  voice  against  abuses,  whoever  arraigns 
the  past  at  the  bar  of  the  present,  whoever  asks  the 
king  to  show  his  commission,  or  question  the  authority 
of  the  priest,  will  be  denounced  as  the  enemy  of  man 
and  God.  In  all  ages  reason  has  been  regarded  as  the 
enemy  of  religion.  Nothing  has  been  considered  so 
pleasing  to  the  Deity  as  a  total  denial  of  the  authority 
of  your  own  mind.  Self-reliance  has  been  thought 
deadly  sin  ;  and  the  idea  of  living  and  dying  without 
the  aid  and  consolation  of  superstition  has  always  horri- 
fied the  church.  By  some  unaccountable  infatuation, 
belief  has  been  and  still  is  considered  of  immense  im- 
portance. All  religions  have  been  based  upon  the  idea 
that  God  will  forever  reward  the  true  believer,  and 
eternally  damn  the  man  who  doubts  or  denies.  Belief 
is  regarded  as  the  one  essential  thing.  To  practice 
justice,  to  love  mercy,  is  not  euough  ;  you  must  believe 
in  some  incomprehensible  creed.  You  must  say  : 
"Once  one  is  three,  and  three  times  one  is  one." 
The  man  who  practiced  every  virtue,  but  failed  to 
believe,  was  execrated .  Nothing  so  outrages  the  feel- 


444  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

ings  of  the  church  as  a  moral  unbeliever,  nothing  so 
horrible  as  a  charitable  atheist. 

When  Paine  was  born  the  world  was  religious,  the 
pulpit  was  the  real  throne,  and  the  churches  were  mak- 
ing every  effort  to  crush  out  of  the  brain  the  idea  that 
it  had  the  right  to  think.  He  again  made  up  his  mind 
to  sacrifice  himself.  He  commenced  with  the  assertion. 
"That  any  system  of  religion  that  had  anything  in  it 
that  shocks  the  mind  of  a  child  can  not  be  a  true  sys- 
tem." What  a  beautiful,  what  a  tender  sentiment !  No 
wonder  the  church  began  to  hate  him.  He  believed  in 
one  God,  and  no  more.  After  his  life  he  hoped  for  hap- 
piness. He  believed  that  true  religion  consisted  in  do- 
ing justice,  loving  mercy  ;  in  endeavoring  to  make  our 
fellow- creatures  happy,  and  in  offering  to  God  the  fruit 
of  the  heart.  He  denied  the  inspiration  of  the  scriptures. 
This  was  his  crime. 

He  contended  that  it  is  a  contradiction  in  terms  to 
call  anything  a  revelation  that  comes  to  us  at  second- 
hand, either  verbally  or  in  writing.  He  asserted  that 
revelation  is  necessarily  limited  to  the  first  communica- 
tion, and  that  after  that  it  is  only  an  account  of  some- 
thing which  another  person  says  was  a  revelation  to  him. 
We  have  only  his  word  for  it,  as  it  was  never  made  to 
us.  This  argument  never  had  been,  and  probably  never 
will  be  answered.  He  denied  the  divine  origin  of  Christ 
and  showed  conclusively  that  the  pretended  prophecies 
of  the  Old  Testament  had  no  reference  to  Him  whatever. 
And  yet  he  believed  that  Christ  was  a  virtuous  and  ami- 
able man  ;  -that  the  morality  He  taught  and  practiced 
was  of  the  most  benevolent  and  elevated  character,  and 
that  it  had  not  been  exceeded  by  any.  Upon  this  point 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  445 

he  entertained  the  same  sentiments  now  held  by  the 
Unitarians,  and  in  fact  by  all  the  most  enlightened 
Christians. 

In  his  time  the  church  believed  and  taught  that  every 
word  in  the  Bible  was  absolutely  true.  Since  his  day  it 
has  been  proven  false  in  its  cosmogony,  false  in  its 
astronomy,  false  in  its  chronology  and  geology,  false  in 
its  history,  so  far  as  the  Old  Testament  is  concerned, 
false  in  almost  everything.  There  are  but  few,  if  any, 
scientific  men,  who  apprehend  that  the  Bible  is  literally 
true.  Who  on  earth  at  this  day  would  pretend  to  settle 
any  scientific  question  by  a  text  from  the  Bible  ?  The 
old  belief  is'confmed  to  the  ignorant  and  zealous.  The 
church  itself  will  before  long  be  driven  to  occupy  the  po- 
sition of  Thomas  Paine.  The  best  minds  of  the  ortho- 
dox world,  to-day,  are  endeavoring  to  prove  the  exist- 
ence of  a  personal  Deity.  All  other  questions  occupy  a 
minor  place.  You  are  no  longer  asked  to  swallow  the 
Bible  whole,  whale,  Jonah  and  all  ;  you  are  simply  re- 
quired to  believe  in  God  and  pay  your  pew-rent. 

There  is  not  now  an  enlightened  minister  in  the  world 
who  will  seriously  contend  that  Sampson's  strength  was 
in  his  hair,  or  that  the  necromancers  of  Egypt  could  turn 
water  into  blood,  and  pieces  of  wood  into  serpents. 
These  follies  have  passed  away,  and  the  only  reason 
that  the  religious  world  can  now  have  for  disliking  Paine, 
is  that  they  have  been  forced  to  adopt  so  many  of  his 
opinions. 

Paine  thought  the  barbarites  of  the  Old  Testament  in- 
consistent with  what  he  deemed  the  real  character  of 
God.  He  believed  the  murder,  massacre,  and  indis- 


44$  INGEKSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

criminate  slaughter  had  never  been  commanded  by  the 
Deity.  He  regarded  much  of  the  Bible  as  childish,  un- 
important and  foolish.  The  scientific  world  entertains 
the  same  opinion.  Paine  attacked  the  Bible  precisely 
in  the  same  spirit  in  which  he  had  attacked  the  preten- 
sions of  the  kings.  He  used  the  same  weapons.  All 
the  pomp  in  the  world  could  not  make  him  cower.  His 
reason  knew  no  "  Holy  of  Holies,"  except  the  abode  of 
truth.  The  sciences  were  then  in  their  infancy.  The 
attention  of  the  really  learned  had  not  been  directed  to 
an  impartial  examination  of  our  pretended  revelation. 
It  was  accepted  by  most  as  a  matter  of  course. 

The  church  was  all-powerful,  and  no  one  alse,  unless 
thoroughly  imbued  with  the  spirit  of  self-sacrifice,, 
thought  for  a  moment  of  disputing  the  fundamental 
doctrines  of  Christianity.  The  infamous  doctrine  that 
salvation  depends  upon  belief,  upon  a  mere  intellectual 
conviction,  was  then  believed  and  preached.  To  doubt 
was  to  secure  the  damnation  of  your  soul.  This  absurd 
and  devilish  doctrine  shocked  the  common  sense  of 
Thomas  Paine,  and  he  denounced  it  with  the  fervor  of 
honest  indignation.  This  doctrine,  although  infinitely 
ridiculous,  has  been  nearly  universal,  and  has  been  as 
hurtful  as  senseless.  For  the  overthrow  of  this  infamous 
tenet,  Paine  exerted  all  his  strength.  He  left  few  ar- 
guments to  be  used  by  those  who  should  come  after  him, 
and  he  used  none  that  have  been  refuted. 

The  combined  wisdom  and  genius  of  all  mankind  can 
not  possibly  conceive  of  an  argument  against  liberty  of 
thought.  Neither  can  they  show  why  anyone  should  be 
punished,  either  in  this  world  or  another,  for  acting 
honestly  in  accordance  with  reason  ;  and  yet  a  doctrine 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  447 

with  every  possible  argument  against  it  has  been,  and 
still  is,  believed  and  defended  by  the  entire  orthodox 
world.  Can  it  be  possible  that  we  have  been  endowed 
with  reason  simply  that  our  souls  may  be  caught  in  its 
toils  and  snares,  that  we  may  be  led  by  its  false  and 
delusive  glare  out  of  the  narrow  path  that  leads  to  joy 
into  the  broad  way  of  everlasting  death  ?  Is  it  possible 
that  we  have  been  given  reason  simply  that  we  may 
through  faith  ignore  its  deductions  and  avoid  its  conclu- 
sions ?  Ought  the  sailor  to  throw  away  his  compass  and 
depend  entirely  upon  the  fog  ?  If  reason  is  not  to  be  de- 
pended upon  in  matters  of  religion,  that  is  to  say,  in  re- 
spect to  our  duties  to  the  Deity,  why  should  it  be  relied 
upon  in  matters  respecting  the  rights  of  our  fellows  ? 
Why  should  we  throw  away  the  law  given  to  Moses  by 
God  Himself,  and  have  the  audacity  to  make  some  of 
our  own  ?  How  dare  we  drown  the  thunders  of  Sinai 
by  calling  the  ayes  and  naes  in  a  petty  legislature  ?  If 
reason  can  determine  what  is  merciful,  what  is  just,  the 
duties  of  man  to  man,  what  more  do  we  want  either  in 
time  or  eternity  ? 

Down,  forever  down,  with  any  religion  that  requires 
upon  its  ignorant  altar  its  sacrifice  of  the  goddess  Reason; 
that  compels  her  to  abdicate  forever  the  shining  throne 
of  the  sonl,  strips  from  her  form  the  imperial  purple, 
snatches  from  her  hand  the  sceptre  of  thought  and  makes 
her  the  bond-woman  of  senseless  faith. 

If  a  man  should  tell  you  he  had  the  most  beautiful 
painting  in  the  world,  and  after  taking  you  where  it  was 
should  insist  upon  having  your  eyes  shut,  you  would 
likely  suspect  either  that  he  had  no  painting  or 
that  it  was  some  pitiful  daub.  Should  he  tell  you  thai 


448  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

he  was  a  most  excellent  performer  on  the  violin, 
and  yet  refused  to  play  unless  your  ears  were  stopped, 
you  would  think,  to  say  the  least  of  it,  that  he  had  an 
odd  way  of  convincing  you  of  his  musical  ability.  But 
would  this  conduct  be  any  more  wonderful  than  that  of 
a  religionist  who  asks  that  before  examining  his  creed 
you  will  have  the  kindness  to  throw  away  your  reason  ? 
The  first  gentleman  says  :  ' '  Keep  your  eyes  shut  ;  my 
picture  will  bear  everything  but  being  seen.  Keep  your 
ears  stopped  ;  my  music  objects  to  nothing  but  being 
heard."  The  last  says  :  "  Away  with  your  reason  ;  my 
religion  dreads  nothing  but  being  understood." 

So  far  as  I  am  concerned,  I  most  cheerfully  admit  that 
most  Christians  are  honest  and  most  ministers  sincere. 
We  do  not  attack  them  ;  we  attack  their  creed.  We 
accord  to  them  the  same  rights  that  we  ask  for  ourselves. 
We  believe  that  their  doctrines  are  hurtful,  and  I  am  go- 
ing to  do  what  I  can  against  them.  We  believe  that  the 
frightful  text,  "  He  that  believes  shall  be  saved,  and  he 
that  believeth  not  shall  be  damned,"  has  covered  the 
earth  with  blood.  You  might  as  well  say  that  all  that 
have  red  hair  shall  be  damned.  It  has  filled  the  heart 
with  arrogance,  cruelty,  and  murder.  It  has  caused  the 
religious  wars  ;  bound  hundreds  of  thousands  to  the 
stake  ;  founded  inquisitions  ;  filled  dungeons  ;  invented 
instruments  of  torture  ;  taught  the  mother  to  hate  her 
child  ;  imprisoned  the  mind  ;  filled  the  world  with  ig- 
norance ;  persecuted  the  lovers  of  wisdom  ;  built  the 
monasteries  and  convents  ;  made  happiness  a  crime,  in- 
vestigation a  sin,  and  self-reliance  a  blasphemy.  It  has 
poisoned  the  springs  of  learning  ;  misdirected  the  ener- 
gies of  the  world  ;  filled  all  countries  with  want ;  housed 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  449 

the  people  in  hovels  ;  fed  them  with  famine  ;  and  but 
for  the  efforts  of  a  few  brave  infidels,  it  would  have  taken 
the  world  back  to  the  midnight  of  barbarism,  and  left 
the  heavens  without  a  star. 

The  maligners  of  Paine  say  that  he  had  no  right  to 
attack  this  doctrine,  because  he  was  unacquainted  with 
the  dead  languages,  and,  for  this  reason,  it  was  a  piece 
of  pure  impudence  to  investigate  the  scriptures. 

Is  it  necessary  to  understand  Hebrew  in  order  to  know 
that  cruelty  is  not  a  virtue,  that  murder  is  inconsistent 
with  infinite  goodness,  and  that  eternal  punishment  can 
be  inflicted  upon  man  only  by  an  eternal  fiend  ?  Is  it 
really  essential  to  conjugate  the  Greek  verbs  before  you 
can  make  up  your  mind  as  to  the  probability  of  dead 
people  getting  out  of  their  graves  ?  Must  one  be  versed 
in  Latin  before  he  is  entitled  to  express  his  opinion  as 
to  the  genuiness  of  a  pretended  revelation  from  God  ? 
Common  sense  belongs  exclusively  to  no  tongue.  Logic 
is  not  confirmed  to,  nor  has  it  been  buried  with,  the 
dead  languages.  Paine  attacked  the  Bible  as  it  is  trans- 
lated. If  the  translation  is  wrong,  let  its  defenders  cor- 
rect it . 

The  Christianity  of  Paine's  day  is  not  the  Christianity 
of  our  time.  There  has  been  a  great  improvement  since 
then.  It  is  better  now  because  there  is  less  of  it.  One 
hundred  and  fifty  years  ago  the  foremost  preachers  of 
our  time — that  gentleman  who  preaches  in  this  mag- 
nificent hall — would  have  perished  at  the  stake.  Lord, 
Lord,  how  John  Calvin  would  have  liked  to  have  roasted 
this  man,  and  the  perfume  of  his  burning  flesh  would 
have  filled  heaven  with  joy.  A  Universalist  would  have 


45°  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

been  torn  to  pieces  in  England,  Scotland,  and  America. 
Unitarians  would  have  found  themselves  in  the  stocks, 
pelted  by  the  rabble  with  dead  cats,  after  which  their 
ears  would  have  been  cut  off,  their  tongues  bored,  and 
their  foreheads  branded .  Less  than  one  hundred  and 
fifty  years  ago  the  following  law  was  in  force  in  Mary- 
land : 

"  Be  it  enacted  by  the    right    honorable,    the    lord  pro- 
prietor,  by  and   with   the  advice  and   consent  of  his 
lordship's  governor,  and  the  upper  and   lower  houses 
of  the  assembly,    and  the  authority  of  the  same  : 
That   if  any   person   shall   hereafter,  within  this   pro- 
vince,   willingly,    maliciously,    and  advisedly,   by  writing 
or  speaking,     blaspheme    or    curse  God,    or    deny    our 
Saviour,   Jesus  Christ,    to  be  the  son  of    God,    or  shall 
deny  the  Holy  Trinity,   the  Father,  Son,  and  the  Holy 
Ghost,   or  the  God-head  of  any  of  the    three  persons, 
or  the  unity  of  the  God-head,    or  shall  utter  any  pro- 
fane words  concerning  the  Holy  Trinity,  or  the  persons 
thereof  and  shall    therefore    be    convicted    by    verdict, 
shall,  for  the  first  offense,  be  bored  through   the  tongue, 
and  fined  £20,  to  be  levied  on  his  body.     As  for  the  sec- 
ond offense,  the  offender  shall  be  stigmatized  by  burning 
in  the  forehead  the  letter  B,  and  fined  £40.      And   that 
for  the  third  offense,  the  offender  shall  suffer  death  with- 
out the  benefit  of  clergy. 

The  strange  thing  about  this  law  is,  that  it  has  never 
been  repealed,  and  was  in  force  in  the  District  of  Col- 
umbia up  to  1875.  Laws  like  this  were  in  force  in  most 
of  the  colonies  and  in  all  countries  where  the  church 
had  power. 

In  the  Old  Testament  the  death  penalty  was  attached 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  45  I 

to  hundreds  of  offenses.  It  has  been  the  same  in  ali 
Christian  countries.  To-day,  in  civilized  governments, 
the  death  penalty  is  attached  only  to  murder  and 
treason  ;  and  in  some  it  has  been  entirely  abolished. 
What  a  commentary  upon  the  divine  systems  of  the 
world  ! 

In  the  days  of  Thomas  Paine  the  church  was  ignor- 
ant, bloody,  and  relentless.  In  Scotland  the  "kirk" 
was  at  the  summit  of  its  power.  It  was  a  full  sister  of  ' 
the  Spanish  Inquisition.  It  waged  war  upon  human 
nature.  It  was  the  enemy  of  happiness,  the  hater  of  joy, 
and  the  despiser  of  liberty.  It  taught  parents  to  mur- 
der their  children  rather  than  to  allow  them  to  propagate 
error.  If  the  mother  held  opinions  of  which  the  in- 
famous "kirk"  disapproved,  her  children  were  taken 
from  her  arms,  her  babe  from  her  very  bosom,  and  she 
was  not  allowed  to  see  them,  or  write  them  a  word.  It 
would  not  allow  shipwrecked  sailors  to  be  rescued  from 
drowning  on  Sunday. 

Oh,  you  have  no  idea  what  a  muss  it  kicks  up  in 
heaven  to  have  anybody  swim  on  Sunday.  It  fills  all 
the  wheeling  worlds  with  sadness  to  see  a  boy  in  a  boat, 
and  the  attention  of  the  recording  secretary  is  called  to 
it.  In  a  voice  of  thunder  they  say,  "  Upset  him  !  "  It 
sought  to  annihilate  pleasure,  to  pollute  the  heart  by 
rilling  it  with  religious  cruelty  and  gloom,  and  to  change 
mankind  into  a  vast  horde  of  pious,  heartless  fiends. 
One  of  the  most  famous  Scotch  divines  said  :  "The  kirk 
holds  that  religious  toleration  is  not  far  from  blasphemy." 
And  this  same  Scotch  kirk  denounced,  beyond  measure, 
the  man  who  had  the  moral  grandeur  to  say,  "The  world 
is  my  country,  and  to  do  good  my  religion . "  And  this 


45 2  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

same  kirk  abhorred  the  man  who  said,  "  Any  system  of 
religion  that  shocks  the  mind  of  a  child  can  not  be  a  true 
system . " 

At  that  time  nothing  so  delighted  the  church  as  the 
beauties  of  endless  torment,  and  listening  to  the  weak 
wailing  of  damned  infants  struggling  in  the  slimy  coils 
and  poison  folds  of  the  worm  that  never  dies. 

About  the  beginning  of  the  nineteenth  century  a  boy 
by  the  name  of  Thomas  Aikenhead  was  indicted  and 
tried  at  Edinburgh  for  having  denied  the  inspiration  of 
the  scriptures,  and  for  having,  on  several  occasions, 
when  "cold,  wished  himself  in  hell  that  he  might  get 
warm.  Notwithstanding  the  poor  boy  recanted  and 
begged  for  mercy,  he  was  found  guilty  and  hanged.  His 
body  was  thrown  in  a  hole  at  the  foot  of  the  scaffold 
and  covered  with  stones,  and  though  his  mother  came 
with  her  face  covered  with  tears,  begging  for  the  corpse, 
she  was  denied  and  driven  away  in  the  name  of  charity. 
That  is  religion,  and  in  the  velvet  of  their  politeness 
there  lurks  the  claws  of  the  tiger.  Just  give  them  the 
power  and  see  how  quick  I  would  leave  this  part  of  the 
country.  They  know  I  am  going  to  be  burned  forever  ; 
they  know  I  am  going  to  hell,  but  that  don't  satisfy 
them.  They  want  to  give  me  a  little  foretaste  here. 

Prosecutions  and  executions  like  these  were  common 
in  every  Christian  country,  and  all  of  them  based  upon 
the  belief  that  an  intellectnal  conviction  is  a  crime.  No 
wonder  the  church  hated  and  traduced  the  author  of  the 
"Age  of  Reason."  England  was  rilled  with  Puritan 
gloom  and  Episcopal  ceremony.  The  ideas  of  crazy 
fanatics  and  extravagant  poets  were  taken  as  sober  facts. 
Milton  had  clothed  Christianity  in  the  soiled  and  faded 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  453 

finery  of  the  gods — had  added  to  the  story  of  Christ  the 
fables  of  mythology.  He  gave  to  the  Protestant  church 
the  most  outrageously  material  ideas  of  the  Deity.  He 
turned  all  the  angels  into  soldiers — made  heaven  a 
battle-field,  put  Christ  in  uniform,  and  described  God  as 
a  militia-general.  His  works  were  considered  by  the  Pro- 
testants nearly  as  sacred  as  the  Bible  itself,  and  the 
imagination  of  the  people  was  thoroughly  polluted  by 
the  horrible  imagery,  the  sublime  absurdity  of  the  blind 
Milton. 

Heaven  and  hell  were  realities — the  judgment-day 
was  expected — books  of  accounts  would  be  opened. 
Every  man  would  hear  the  charges  against  him  read. 
God  was  supposed  to  sit  upon  a  golden  throne,  sur- 
rounded by  the  tallest  angels,  with  harps  in  their  hands 
and  crowns  on  their  heads..  The  goats  would  be  thrust 
into  eternal  fire  on  the  left,  while  the  orthodox  sheep, 
on  the  right,  were  to  gambol  on  sunny  slopes  forever 
and  ever.  So  all  the  priests  were  willing  to  save  the 
sheep  for  half  the  wool. 

The  nation  was  profoundly  ignorant,  and  consequent- 
ly extremely  religious,  so  far  as  belief  was  concerned . 

In  Europe  liberty  was  lying  chained  up  in  the  inqui- 
sition, her  white  bosom  stained  with  blood.  In  the 
new  world  the  Puritans  had  been  hanging  and  burning 
in  the  name  of  God,  and  selling  white  Quaker  children 
into  slavery  in  the  name  of  Christ,  who  said,  ' '  Suffer 
little  children  to  come  unto  Me." 

Under  such  conditions  progress  was  impossible.  Some 
one  had  to  lead  the  way.  The  church  is  and  always  has 
been,  incapable  of  a  forward  movement.  Religion  al- 


454  INGERSOLL'S   LECTURES. 

ways  looks  back.  The  -church  has  already  reduced 
Spain  to  a  guitar,  Italy  to  a  hand-organ,  and  Ireland  to 
exile. 

Some  one,  not  connected  with  the  church,  had  to 
attack  the  monster  that  was  eating  out  the  heart  of  the 
world,  Some  one  had  to  sacrifice  himself  for  the  good 
of  all.  The  people  were  in  the  most  abject  slavery  ; 
their  manhood  had  been  taken  from  them  by  pomp,  by 
pageantry,  and  power. 

Progress  is  born  of  doubt  and  inquiry.  The  church 
never  doubts — never  inquires.  To  doubt  is  heresy — to 
inquire  is  to  admit  that  you  do  not  know — the  church 
does  neither. 

More  than  a  century  ago  Catholicism,  wrapped  in 
robes  red  with  the  innocent  blood  of  millions,  holding  in 
her  frantic  clutch  crowns  and  scepters,  honors  and  gold, 
the  keys  of  heaven  and  hell,  tramping  beneath  her  feet 
the  liberties  of  nations,  in  the  proud  movement  of  almost 
universal  dominion,  felt  within  her  heartless  breast  the 
deadly  dagger  of  Voltaire.  From  that  blow  the  church 
can  never  recover.  Livid  with  hatred  she  launched  her 
eternal  anathema  at  the  great  destroyer,  and  ignorant 
Protestants  have  echoed  the  curse  of  Rome. 

In  our  country  the  church  was  all-powerful,  and,  al- 
though divided  into  many  sects,  would  instantly  unite 
to  repel  a  common  foe.  Paine  did  for  Protestantism 
what  Voltaire  did  for  Catholicism.  Paine  struck  the  first 
blow. 

The  "Age  of  Reason"  did  more  to  undermine  the 
power  of  the  Protestant  church  than  all  other  books 
then  known.  It  furnished  an  immense  amount  of  food 
for  thought.  It  was  written  for  the  average  mind,  and 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  455 

is  a  straightforward,  honest   investigation    of    the  Bible, 
and  of  the  Christian  System. 

Paine  did  not  falter  from  the  first  page  to  the  last. 
He  gives  you  his  candid  thought,  and  candid  thoughts 
are  always  valuable. 

The  "  Age  of  Reason  "  has  liberalized  us  all.  It  put 
arguments  in  the  mouths  of  the  people  ;  it  put  the  church 
on  the  defensive,  it  enabled  somebody  in  every  village 
to  corner  the  parson  ;  it  made  the  world  wiser  and  the 
church  better  ;  it  took  power  from  the  pulpit  and  divided 
it  among  the  pews. 

Just  in  proportion  that  the  human  race  has  advanced, 
the  church  has  lost  its  power.  There  is  no  exception 
to  this  rule.  No  nation  ever  materially  advanced  that 
held  strictly  to  the  religion  of  its  founders.  No  nation 
ever  gave  itself  wholly  to  the  control  of  the  church  with- 
out losing  its  power,  its  honor,  and  existence. 

Every  church  pretends  to  have  found  the  exact  truth. 
This  is  the  end  of  progress.  Why  pursue  that  which 
you  have  ?  Why  investigate  when  you  know. 

Every  creed  is  a  rock  in  running  water  ;  humanity 
sweeps  by  it.  Every  creed  cries  to  the  universe, 
"Halt  !"  A  creed  is  the  ignorant  past  bullying  the  en- 
lightened present. 

The  ignorant  are  not  satisfied  with  what  can  be  de- 
monstrated. Science  is  too  slow  for  them,  and  so  they 
invent  creeds.  They  demand  completeness.  A  sublime 
segment,  a  grand  fragment,  are  of  no  value  to  them. 
They  demand  the  complete  circle — the  entire  structure. 

In  music  they  want  a  melody  with  a  recurring  accent 
at  measured  periods.  In  religion  they  -insist  upon  im- 
mediate answers  to  the  questions  of  creation  and  destiny. 


456  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

The  alpha  and  omega  of  all  things  must  be  in  the  alpha- 
bet of  their  superstition.  A  religion  that  can  not  an- 
swer every  question,  and  guess  every  conundrum,  is  in 
their  estimation,  worse  than  worthless.  They  desire  a 
kind  of  theological  dictionary — a  religious  ready  reck- 
oner, together  with  guide-boards  at  all  crossings  and 
turns.  They  mistake  impudence  for  authority,  solemn- 
ity for  wisdom,  and  pathos  for  inspiration.  The  begin- 
ning and  the  end  are  what  they  demand.  The  grand 
flight  of  the  eagle  is  nothing  to  them.  They  want  the 
nest  in  which  he  was  hatched,  and  especially  the  dry 
limb  upon  which  he  roosts.  Anything  that  can  be 
learned  is  hardly  worth  knowing.  The  present  is  con- 
sidered of  no  value  in  itself.  Happiness  must  not  be 
expected  this  side  of  the  clouds,  and  can  only  be  attained 
by  self-denial  and  faith  ;  not  self-denial  for  the  good  of 
others,  but  for  the  salvation  of  your  own  sweet  self. 

Paine  denied  the  authority  of  Bibles  and  creeds  ;  this 
was  his  crime,  and  for  this  the  world  shut  the  door  in 
his  face  and  emptied  its  slops  upon  him  from  the  win- 
dows. 

I  challenge  the  world  to  show  that  Thomas  Paine  ever 
wrote  one  line,  one  word  in  favor  of  tyranny — in  favor 
of  immorality  ;  one  line,  one  word  against  what  he  be- 
lieved to  be  for  the  highest  and  best  interest  of  Tiankind; 
one  line,  one  word  against  justice,  charity,  or  liberty, 
and  yet  he  has  been  pursued  as  though  he  had 
been  a  fiend  from  hell.  His  memory  had  been 
execrated  as  though  he  had  murdered  some 
Uriah  for  his  wife  ;  driven  some  Hagar  into  the 
desert  to  starve  with  his  child  upon  her  bosom  ;  defiled 
his  own  daughters  ;  ripped  open  with  the  sword  the 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  457 

sweet  bodies  of  loving  and  innocent  women  ;  advised 
one  brother  to  assassinate  another  ;  kept  a  harem  with 
seven  hundred  wives  and  three  hundred  concubines,  or 
had  persecuted  Christians  even  unto  strange  cities. 

The  church  has  pursued  Paine  to  deter  others.  The 
church  used  painting,  music,  and  architecture  simply  to 
degrade  mankind.  But  there  are  men  that  nothing  can 
awe.  There  have  been  at  all  times  brave  spirits  that 
dared  even  the  gods.  Some  proud  head  has  always'been 
above  the  waves.  Old  Diogenes,  with  his  mantle  upon 
him,  stiff  and  trembling  with  age,  caught  a  small  animal 
bred  upon  people,  went  into  the  Pantheon,  the  temple 
of  the  gods,  and  took  the  animal  upon  his  thumb  nail, 
and,  pressing  it  with  the  other,  "he  sacrificed  Diogenes 
to  all  the  gods. "  Just  as  good  as  anything  !  In  every 
age  some  Diogenes  has  sacrificed  to  all  the  gods.  True 
genius  never  cowers,  and  there  is  always  some  Samson 
feeling  for  the  pillars  of  authority. 

Cathedrals  and  domes,  and  chimes  and  chants,  tem- 
ples frescoed  and  grained  and  carved,  and  gilded  with 
gold,  altars  and  tapers,  and  paintings  of  virgin  and  babe, 
censer  and  chalice,  chasuble,  paten  and  alb,  organs,  and 
anthems  and  incense  rising  to  the  winged  and  blest, 
maniple,  anice  and  stole,  crosses  and  crosiers,  tiaras, 
and  crowns,  mitres  and  missals  and  masses,  rosaries, 
relics  and  robes,  martyrs  and  saints,  and  windows  stained 
as  with  the  blood  of  Christ,  never,  never  for  one  moment 
awed  the  brave,  proud  spirit  of  the  infidel.  He  knew 
that  all  the  pomp  and  glitter  had  been  purchased  with 
liberty,  that  priceless  jewel  of  the  soul.  In  looking  at 
the  cathedral  he  remembered  the  dungeon.  The  music 
of  the  organ  was  not  loud  enough  to  drown  the  clank  of 


458  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

fetters.  He  could  not  forget  that  the  taper  had  lighted 
the  fagot.  He  knew  that  the  cross  adorned  the  hilt  of 
the  sword,  and  so  where  others  worshiped,  he  wept  and 
scorned.  He  knew  that  across  the  open  Bible  lay  the 
sword  of  war,  and  so  where  others  worshiped  he  looked 
with  scorn  and  wept.  And  so  it  has  been  through  all 
the  ages  gone. 

The  doubter,  the  investigator,  the  infidel,  have  been 
the  saviors  of  liberty.  The  truth  is  beginning  to  be  re- 
alized, and  the  truly  intellectual  are  honoring  the  brave 
thinker  of  the  past.  But  the  church  is  as  unforgiving  as 
ever,  and  still  wanders  why  any  infidel  should  be  wicked 
enough  to  attempt  to  destroy  her  power.  I  will  tell  the 
church  why  I  hate  it. 

You  have  imprisoned  the  htfrhan  mind  ;  you  have  been 
the  enemy  of  liberty  ;  you  have  burned  us  at  the  stake, 
roasted  us  before  slow  fires,  torn  our  flesh  with  irons  ; 
you  have  covered  us  with  chains,  treated  us  as  outcasts  ; 
you  have  filled  the  world  with  fear  ;  you  have  taken  our 
wives  and  children  from  our  arms  ;  you  have  confiscated 
our  property  ;  you  have  denied  us  the  right  to  testify  in 
courts  of  justice  ;  you  have  branded  us  with  infamy  ; 
you  have  torn  out  our  tongues  ;  you  have  refused  us 
burial.  In  the  name  of  your  religion  you  have  robbed 
us  of  every  right  ;  and  after  having  inflicted  upon  us 
every  evil  that  can  be  inflicted  in  this  world,  you  have 
fallen  upon  your  knees,  and  with  clasped  hands  implored 
your  God  to  finish  the  holy  work  in  hell. 

Can  you  wonder  that  we  hate  your  doctrines  ;  that 
we  despise  your  creeds  ;  that  we  feel  proud  to  know 
that  we  are  beyond  your  power  ;  that  we  are  free  in 
spite  of  you  ;  that  we  can  express  our  honest  thought. 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  459 

tnd  that  the  whole  world  is  gradually  rising  into  the  Hessed  light?  Can 
you  wonder  that  we  point  with  pride  to  the  fact  that  K  fidelity  has  ever 
been  found  battling  for  the  rights  of  man,  for  the  liberty  of  conscience, 
and  for  the  happiness  of  all  ?  Oan  you  wonder  tdat  we  are  proud  to 
know  that  we  have  always  been  disciples  of  reason  and  soldiers  of  free- 
dom ;  that  we  have  denounced  tyranny  and  superstition,  and  have  kept 
our  hands  unstained  with  human  blood? 

I  de>:y  that  religion  is  the  end  or  object  of  this  life.  When  it  is  so 
considered  it  becomes  destructive  of  happiness.  The  real  end  of  life  is 
happiness.  It  becomes  a  hydra-headed  monster,  reaching  in  terrible 
coils  from  the  heavens,  and  thrusting  its  thousand  fangs  into  the  bleed- 
ing,  quivering  hearts  of  men.  It  devours  their  substance,  builds  pal- 
aces  for  God  (who  dwells  not  in  temples  made  with  hands),  and  allows 
His  children  to  die  in  huts  and  hovels.  It  fills  the  earth  with  mourning^ 
heaven  with  hatred,  the  present  with  fear,  and  all  the  future  with  fir| 
and  despair.  Virtue  is  a  subordination  of  the  passion  of  the  intellect. 
It  is  to  act  in  accordance  with  your  highest  convictions.  It  does  not 
consist  in  believing,  but  in  doing.  This  is  the  sublime  truth  that  the 
infidels  in  all  ages  have  uttered.  They  have  handed  the  torch  from  one 
to  the  other  through  all  the  years  that  have  fled.  Upon  the  altar  of 
reason  they  have  kept  the  sacred  fire,  and  through  the  long  midnight  of 
faith  they  fed  the  divine  flame.  Infidelity  is  liberty;  all  superstition  is 
slavery.  In  every  creed  man  is  the  slave  of  God,  woman  is  the  slave  of 
man,  and  the  sweet  children  are  the  slaves  of  all.  We  do  not  want 
creeds;  we  wan i  some  knowledge.  We  want  happiness.  And  yet  we 
are  told  by  the  church  that  we  have  accomplished  no  hing;  that  we  are 
aimply  destroyers;  that  we  tear  down  without  building  again. 

Is  it  nothing  to  free  the  mind  ?  Is  it  nothing  to  civilize  mankind  ?  Is 
it  nothing  to  fill  the  world  with  light,  with  discovery,  with  science  ?  Is 
it  nothing  to  dignify  man  and  exalt  the  intellect  ?  Is  it  nothing  to  grope 
your  way  into  the  dreary  prisons,  the  damp  and  dropping  dungeons,  the 
dark  and  silent  cells  of  superstition,  where  the  souls  of  men  are  chained 
to  floors  of  stone;  to  greet  them  like  a  ray  of  light,  like  the  song  of  a 
bird,  the  murmur  of  a  stream,  to  see  the  dull  eyes  open  and  grow  slowly 
bright;  to  feel  yourself  grasped  by  the  shrunken  and  unused  hands,  and 
hear  yourself  thanked  by  a  strange  and  hollow  voice  ?  Is  it  nothing  to 
conduct  these  souls  gradually  into  the  blessed  light  of  day — to  let  them 
«ee  again  the  happy  fields,  the  sweet,  green  earth,  and  hear  the  everlast- 
ing music  of  the  waves  ?  Is  it  nothing  to  make  men  wipe  the  dust  from 
their  swollen  knees,  the  tears  from  their  blanched  and  furrowed  cheeks? 
Is  it  a  small  thing  to  reave  the  heavens  of  an  insatiate  monster  and  writ* 


460  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

upon  the  eternal  dome, glittering  with  stars, the  grand  word  liberty?  Is 
it  a  small  thing  to  quench  the  thirst  of  hell  with  the  holy  tears  of  piety, 
break  all  the  chains,  put  out  the  fires  of  civil  war,  stay  the  sword  of  the 
fanatic,  and  tear  the  bloody  hands  of  the  church  from  the  white  throat 
of  progress  ?  Is  it  a  small  thing  to  make  men  truly  free,  to  destroy  the 
dogmas  of  ignorance,  prejudice,  and  power,  the  poisoned  fables  of 
superstition,  and  drive  from  the  beautiful  face  of  the  earth  the  fiend  of 
fear? 

It  does  seem  as  though  the  most  zealous  Christians  must  at  times  en- 
tertain some  doubt  as  to  the  divine  origin  of  his  religion.  For  eighteen 
hundred  years  the  doctrine  has  been  preached.  For  more  than  a  thou- 
sand years  the  church  had,  to  a  great  extent,  the  control  of  the  civilized 
world,  and  what  has  been  the  result  ?  Are  the  Christian  nations  patterns 
of  charity  and  forbearance  ?  On  th/;  contrary,  their  principal  business 
is  to  destroy  each  other.  More  than  five  millions  of  Christians  are 
trained  and  educated  and  drilled  to  murder  their  fellow-Christians. 
Every  nation  is  groaning  under  a  vast  debt  incurred  in  carrying  on  war 
against  other  Christians,  or  defending  itself  from  Christian  assault.  The 
world  is  covered  with  forts  to  protect  Christians  from  Christians,  and 
wery  sea  is  covered  with  iron  monsters  ready  to.  blow  Christian  brains 
uto  eternal  froth.  Millions  upon  millions  are  annually  expended  in  the 
effort  to  construct  still  more  deadly  and  terrible  engines  of  death.  In- 
dustry is  crippled,  honest  toil  is  robbed,  and  even  beggary  is  taxed  to 
iefray  the  expenses  of  Christian  murder.  There  must  be  some  other 
"ay  to  reform  this  world.  We  have  tried  creed  and  dogma  and  fable, 
and  they  have  failed — and  they  have  failed  in  all  the  nations  dead. 

Nothing  but  education — scientific  education — can  benefit  mankind, 
We  must  find  out  the  laws  of  nature  and  conform  to  them.  We  need 
free  bodies  and  free  minds,  free  labor  and  free  thought,  chainless  hands 
and  fetterless  brains.  Free  labor  will  give  us  wealth.  Free  thought  will 
give  us  truth.  We  need  men  with  moral  courage  to  speak  and  write 
their  real  thoughts,  and  to  stand  by  their  convictions,  even  to  the  very 
death.  We  need  have  no  fear  of  being  too  radical.  The  future  will 
verify  all  grand  and  brave  predictions.  Paine  was  splendidly  in  advance 
of  his  time,  but  he  was  orthodox  compared  to  the  infidels  of  to  day. 

Science,  the  great  iconoclast,  has  been  very  busy  since  1809,  and  by 
the  highway  of  progress  are  the  broken  images  of  the  past.  On  every 
hand  the  people  advance.  The  vicar  of  God  has  been  pushed  from  the 
throne  of  the  CaBsars,  and  upon  the  roofs  of  the  Eternal  city  falls  once 
more  the  shadow  of  the  eagle.  All  has  been  accomplished  by  the  heroic 
few.  The  men  of  science  have  explored  heaven  and  earth,  and  with  in- 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  461 

finite  patience  have  furnished  the  facts.  The  brave  thinkers  have  aided 
them.  The  gloomy  caverns  of  superstition  have  been  transformed  into 
temples  of  thought,  and  the  demons  of  the  past  are  the  angels  of  to- 
day. 

Science  took  a  handful  of  sand,  constructed  a  telescope,  and  with  it 
explored  the  starry  depths  of  heaven.  Science  wrested  from  the  gods 
their  thunderbolts;  and  now,  the  electric  spark  freighted  with  thought 
and  love,  flashes  under  all  the  waves  of  the  sea.  Science  took  a  tear 
from  the  cheek  of  unpaid  labor,  converted  it  into  steam,  and  created  a 
giant  that  turns  with  tireless  arm  the  countless  wheels  of  toil. 

Thomas  Paine  was  one  of  the  intellectual  heroes,  one  of  the  men  to 
whom  we  are  indebted.  His  name  is  associated  forever  with  the  great 
republic.  He  lived  a  long,  laborious,  and  useful  life.  The  world  is 
better  for  his  having  lived.  For  the  sake  of  truth  he  accepted  hatred  and 
reproach  for  his  portion.  He  ate  the  bitter  bread  of  neglect  and  sorrow. 
His  friends  were  untrue  to  him  because  he  was  true  to  himself  and  true 
to  them.  He  lost  the  respect  of  what  is  called  society,  but  kept  his 
own.  His  life  is  what  the  world  calls  failure,  and  what  history  calls 
success. 

If  to  love  your  fellow-men  more  than  self  is  goodness,  Thomas  Paine 
was  good.  If  to  be  in  advance  of  your  time,  to  be  a  pioneer  in  the 
direction  of  right,  is  greatness,  Thomas  Paine  was  great.  If  to  avow 
your  principles  and  discharge  your  duty  in  the  presence  of  death  is 
heroic,  Thomas  Paine  was  a  hero. 

At  the  age  of  73,  death  touched  his  tired  heart.  He  died  in  the  land 
his  genius  defended,  under  the  flag  he  gave  to  the  skies.  Slander  can 
not  touch  him  now;  hatred  can  not  reach  him  more.  He  sleeps  in  the 
sanctuary  of  the  tomb,  beneath  the  quiet  of  the  stars.  A  few  more  years, 
a  few  more  brave  men,  a  few  more  rays  of  light,  and  mankind  will  ven- 
erate the  memory  of  him  who  said: 

Any  system  of  religion  that  shocks  the  mind  of  a  child  can  not  be  a 
true  system.  The  world  is  my  country,  and  to  do  good  my  religion. 

The  next  question  is:  Did  Thomas  Paine  recant?  Mr.  Paine  had 
prophesied  that  fanatics  would  crawl  and  cringe  around  him  during  his 
last  moments.  He  believed  that  they  would  put  a  lie  in  the  mouth  of 
death.  When  the  shadow  of  the  coming  dissolution  was  upon  him,  two 
clergymen,  Messrs.  Milledollar  and  Cunningham,  called  to  annoy  the 
dying  man.  Mr.  Cunningham  had  the  politeness  to  say:  "You  have 
now  a  full  view  of  death ;  you  can  not  live  long ;  whoever  does  not  believe 
in  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  will  assuredly  be  damned."  Mr.  Paine  replied : 
"  Let  me  have  none  of  your  popish  stuff.  Get  away  with  you.  Good 


462 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  463 

morning."  On  another  occasion  a  Methodist  minister  obtruded  himself. 
Mr.  Willet  Hicks  was  present.  The  minister  declared  to  Mr.  Paine  thai 
"unless  he  repented  of  his  unbelief  he  would  be  damned."  Paine, 
although  at  the  door  of  death,  rose  in  his  bed  and  indignantly  requested 
the  clergyman  to  leave  the  room.  On  another  occasion,  two  brothers  by 
the  name  of  Pigott  sought  to  convert  him.  He  was  displeased,  and  re- 
quested  their  departure.  Afterward,  Thomas  Nixon  and  Capt.  Daniel 
Pelton  visited  him  for  the  express  purpose  of  ascertaining  whether  he 
had,  in  any  manner,  changed  his  religious  opinions.  They  were  assured 
by  the  dying  man  that  he  still  held  the  principles  he  had  expressed  in 
his  writings. 

Afterward,  these  gentlemen,  hearing  that  William  Gobbet  was  about 
to  write  a  life  of  Paine,  sent  him  the  following  note:  I  must  tell  you 
now  that  it  is  of  great  importance  to  find  out  whether  Paine  recanted- 
If  he  recanted,  then  the  Bible  is  true — you  can  rest  assured  that  a  spring 
of  water  gushed  out  of  a  dead  dry  bone.  If  Paine  recanted,  there  is  not 
the  slightest  doubt  about  that  donkey  making  that  speech  to  Mr.  Baalam 
— not  the  slightest— and  if  Paine  did  not  recant,  then  the  whole  thing  is 
a  mistake.  I  want  to  show  that  Thomas  Paine  died  as  he  has  lived,  a 
friend  of  man  and  without  superstition,  and  if  you  will  stay  here  I  will 
doit. 

NEW  YORK,  April  24,  1818.— SIR:  Having  been  informed  that  you 
have  a  design  to  write  a  history  of  the  life  and  writings  of  Thomas  Paine, 
if  you  have  been  furn  shed  with  materials  in  respect  to  his  religious 
opinions,  or  rather  of  his  recantation  of  his  former  opinions  before  his 
de  th,  rill  you  have  heard  of  his  recanting  is  false.  Being  aware  that 
such  reports  would  be  raised  after  his  death  by  fanatics  who  infested  his 
house  at  the  time  it  was  expected  he  would  die,  we,  the  subscribers,  in- 
timate  acquaintances  <>t  Thomas  Paine  since  the  year  1776,  went  to  his 
house.  He  was  sitting  up  in  a  chair,  and  apparently  in  full  vigor  and 
use  of  all  his  mental  faculties  We  interrogated  him  upon  his  religious 
opinions,  and  if  he  had  changed  his  mind,  or  repented  of  anything  he 
had  said  or  wrote  on  that  subject.  He  answered,  l'Not  at  all,"  and 
appeared  rather  offended  at  our  supposition  that  any  change  should  take 
place  in  his  mind.  We  took  down  in  writing  the  questions  put  to  him 
and  his  answers  thereto,  before  a  number  of  persons  then  in  his  room, 
among  whom  were  his  doctor,  Mrs.  Bonneville,  etc.  This  paper  is  mis- 
laid and  can  not  be  found  at  present,  but  the  above  is  the  substance, 
which  can  be  attested  by  many  living  witnesses.  THOMAS  NIXON, 

DANIEL  PELTON. 

Mr.  Jarvis,  the  artist,  saw  Mr.  Paiue  one  or  two  days  before  his  death. 
To  Mr.  Jarvis  he  expressed  his  belief  in  his  written  opinions  upon  the 
subject  of  religion.  B.  F.  Haskin,  an  attorney  of  the  City  of  New  York, 
also  visited  him,  and  inquired  as  to  his  religious  opinions.  Paine  was 
then  upon  the  threshold  of  death,  but  he  did  not  tremble,  he  was  not  a 


464  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

coward.    He  expressed  his  firm  and  unshaken  belief  in  the  religion, 
ideas  he  had  given  to  the  world. 

Dr.  Manly  was  with  him  when  he  spoke  hi3  last  words.  Dr.  Manly 
asked  the  dying  man,  and  Dr.  Manly  was  a  Christian,  if  he  did  not  wish 
to  believe  that  Jesus  was  the  Son  of  God,  and  the  dying  philosopher 
answered :  "  I  have  no  wish  to  believe  on  that  subject."  Amasa  Woods, 
worth  sat  up  with  Thomas  Paine  the  night  before  his  death.  In  1839 
Gilbert  Vale,  hearing  that  Woodsworth  was  living  in  or  near  Boston, 
visited  him  for  the  purpose  of  getting  his  statement,  and  the  statement 
was  published  in  The  Beacon  of  June  5,  1839,  and  here  it  is: 

We  have  just  returned  from  Boston.  Oue  object  '  *  our  visit  to  that 
city  was  to  see  Mr.  Amasa  Woodsworth,  an  engineer,  now  retired  in  a 
handsome  cottage  and  garden  at  East  Cambridge,  Boston.  This  gentle 
man  owned  the  house  occupied  by  Paine  at  his  death,  while  he  lived 
next  door.  As  an  act  of  kindness,  Mr.  Woodsworth  visited  Mr.  Paine 
every  day  for  six  weeks  before  his  death.  lie  frequently  sat  up  with  him 
and  did  so  on  the  last  two  nights  of  his  life.  He  was  always  there  with 
Dr.  Manly,  the  physician,  and  assisted  in  removing  Mr.  Paine  while  his 
bed  was  prepared.  He  was  present  when  Dr.  Manly  asked  Mr.  Paine  if 
he  wished  to  believe  that  Jesus  Christ  was  the  Son  of  God.  He  says  that 
lying  on  his  back  he  used  some  action  and  with  much  emphasis  replied; 
"I  have  no  wish  to  believe  on  that  subject."  He  lived  some  time  after 
this,  but  was  not  known  to  speak,  for  he  died  tranquilly.  He  accounts 
for  the  insinuating  style  of  Dr.  Manly's  letter  by  stating  that  that  gentle- 
man, just  after  its  publication,  joined  a  church.  He  informs  us  that  he 
has  openly  proved  the  doctor  for  the  falsity  contained  in  the  spirit  of 
that  letter,  boldly  declaring  before  Dr.  Manly,  who  is  still  liviner,  that 
nothing  which  he  saw  justified  the  insinuations.  Mr.  Woodsworth 
assures  us  that  he  neither  heard  nor  saw  anything  to  justify  the  belief  of 
any  mental  change  in  the  opinions  of  Mr.  Paine  previous  to  his  death; 
but  that  being  very  ill  and  in  pain,  chiefly  arising  from  the  skin  being 
removed  in  some  parts  by  long  lying,  he  was  generally  too  uneasy  to 
enjoy  conversation  on  abstract  subjects.  This,  then,  is  the  best  evidence 
that  can  be  procured  on  this  subject,  and  we  publish  it  while  the  contra 
vening  parties  are  yet  alive,  and  with  the  authority  of  Mr.  Woodswoi  th 

GILBERT  VALE. 

A  few  weeks  ago  I  received  the  following  letter,  which  confirms  the 
statement  of  Mr.  Vale: 

NEAR  STOCKTON,  Cal.,  GREENWOOD  COTTAGE,  July  9,  1877.— COL. 
INGERSOLL:  In  1842  I  talked  with  a  gentleman  in  Boston.  I  have 
forgotten  his  name;  but  he  was  then  an  engineer  of  the  Charleston 
n  ivy  yard.  I  am  thus  particular  so  that  you  can  find  his  name  on  the 
books.  He  told  me  that  he  nursed  Thomas  Paine  in  his  last  illness  and 
closed  his  eyes  when  dead.  I  asked  him  if  he  recanted  and  called  upon 
God  to  save  him.  He  replied:  k'No;  he  died  as  he  had  taught.  He 
had  a  sore  upon  his  side,  and  when  we  turned  him  it  was  very  painful, 
and  he  would  cry  out, '  O  God!'  or  something  like  that."  "  But,"  said 
the  narrator,  u  that  was  nothing,  for  he  believed  in  a  God."  I  told  him 
Vhat  I  had  often  heard  it  asserted  from  the  pulpit  that  Mr.  Paine  ht'd 


OX  THOMAS  PAINE.  465 

recanted  in  his  last  moment.  The  gentleman  said  that  it  was  not  true, 
and  he  appeared  to  be  an.intelligent,  truthful  'man.  With  respect,  I 
remain,  etc.,  PHILIP  GRAVES,  M.  D. 

The  next  witness  is  Willet  Hicks,  a  Quaker  preacher.  He  says  that 
during  the  last  illness  of  Mr.  Paine  he  visited  him  almost  daily,  and  that 
Paine  died  firmly  convinced  of  the  truth  of  the  religious  opinions  that 
he  had  given  to  his  fellow-men.  It  was  to  this  same  Willet  Hicks  that 
Paine  applied  for  permission  to  be  buried  in  the  cemetery  of  the 
Quakers.  Permission  was  refused.  This  refusal  settles  the  question  of 
recantation.  If  he  had  recanted,  of  course  there  would  have  been  no 
objection  to  his  body  being  buried  by  the  side  of  the  best  hypocrites  in 
the  earth.  If  Paine  recanted,  why  should  he  be  denied  "  a  little  earth 
for  charity?"  Had  he  recanted,  it  would  have  been  regarded  as  a  vast 
and  splendid  triumph  for  the  gospel.  It  would,  with  much  noise  and 
pomp  and  ostentation,  have  been  heralded  about  the  world. 

Here  is  another  letter : 

PEORIA,  111.,  Oct.  8, 1877.— ROBERT  G.  INGERSOLL. — Esteemed  Friend: 
My  parents  were  Friends  (Quakers).  My  father  died  when  I  was  very 
young.  The  elderly  and  middle-aged  Friends  visited  at  my  mother's 
house.  We  lived  in  the  City  of  New  York.  Among  the  number  I  dis- 
tinctly remember  Elias  Hicks,  Willet  Hicks,  aud  a  Mr. Day,  who 

was  a  bookseller  in  Pearl  St.  There  were  many  others  whose  names  I 
do  not  now  remember.  The  subject  of  the  recantation  of  Thomas 
Paine  of  his  views  about  the  Bible  in  his  last  illness,  or  any  other  time, 
was  discussed  by  them  in  my  presence  at  different  times.  I  learned 
from  them  that  some  of  them  had  attended  upon  Thomas  Paine  in  his 
last  sickness,  and  ministered  to  his  wants  up  to  the  time  of  his  death. 
And  upon  the  question  of  whether  he  did  recant  there  was  but  one  ex- 
pression. They  all  said  that  he  did  not  recant  in  any  manner.  I  often 
heard  them  say  they  wished  he  had  recanted.  In  fact,  according  tot  hem, 
the  nearer  he  approached  death  the  more  positive  he  appeared  to  be  in 
his  convictions.  These  conversations  were  from  1820  to  1822.  I  was  at 
that  time  from  ten  to  twelve  years  old,  but  these  conversations  impressed 
themselves  upon  me  because  many  thoughtless  people  then  blamed  the 
society  of  Friends  for  their  kindness  to  that  "  arch-infidel,"  Thomas 
Paine.  Truly  yours,  A.  C.  HANKENSON. 

A  few  days  ago  I  received  the  following: 

ALBANY,  N.  Y.,  Sept.  27,  1877.— DEAR  SIR:  it  is  over  twenty  years 
ago  that,  professionally,  I  made  the  acquaintance  of  John  Hogeboom, 
a  justice  of  the  peace  of  the  County  Kensselaer,  New  York.  He  was 
then  over  seventy  years  of  age,  and  had  the  reputation  of  being  a  man 
of  candor  and  integrity.  He  was  a  great  admirer  of  Paine.  He  told 
me  he  was  personally  acquainted  with  him,  and  used  to  see  him  fre- 
quently during  the  last  years  of  his  life  in  the  City  of  New  York,  where 
Hogeboom  then  resided.  I  asked  him  if  there  was  any  truth  in  the 
charge  that  Paine  was  in  the  habit  of  getting  drunk.  He  said  that  it 
was  utterly  false;  that  he  never  heard  of  such  a  thing  during  the  life- 
time of  Mr.  Paine,  and  did  not  believe  anyone  else  did.  I  asked  him 


466  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

about  the  recantation  of  his  religious  opinions  on  his  deathbed,  and  the 
revolting  deathbed  scenes  that  the  world  heard  so  much  about.  He  said 
there  was  no  truth  in  them;  that  he  had  received  his  information  from 
persons  who  attended  Paine  in  his  last  illness,  and  that  he  passed 
peacefully,  as  we  may  say,  in  the  sunshine  of  a  great  soul.  Yours 

W.  J.  HILTON. 


The  witnesses  by  whom  I  substantiate  the  fact  that  Thomas  Paine 
did  not  recant,  and  that  he  died  holding  the  religious  opinions  he  had 
published  are: 

1.  Thomas  Nixon,  Capt.  Daniel  Pelton,  B.  F.  Haskin.    These  gentle- 
men visited  him  during  his  last  illness  for  the  purpose  of  ascertaining 
whether  he  had,  in  any  respect,  changed  his  views  upon  religion.    He 
told  them  that  he  had  not. 

2.  James  Cheetham.    This  man  was  the  most  malicious  enemy  Mr. 
Paine  had,  and  yet  he  admits  that  "  Thomas  Paine  died  placidly,  and 
almost  without  a  struggle."  —  Life  of  Thomas  J^aine,  by  James  Cheetham. 

3.  The  ministers,  Milledollar  and  Cunningham.    These  gentleman 
told  Mr.  Paine  that  if  he  died  without  believing  in  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ,  he  would  be  damned,  and  Paine  replied  :    "  Let  me  have  none  oi 
four  popish  stuff.    Good  morning."  —  Sherwin's  Life  of  Paine,  page  220. 

4.  Mrs.  Hedden.     She  told  these  same  preachers,  when  they  attempted 
to  obtrude  themselves  upon  Mr.  Paine  again,  that  the  attempt  to  convert 
Mr.  Paine  was>  useless  ;  "  that  if  God  did  not  change  his  mind,  no  human 
power  could." 

5.  Andrew  A.  Dean.      This  man  lived  upon  Paine's  farm,  at  New 
Rochelle,  and  corresponded  with  him  upon  religious  subjects.  —  Paints 
Theological  Works,  Page  308. 

6.  Mr.  Jarvis,  the  artist  with  whom  Paine  lived.     He  gives  an  ac- 
count of  an  old  lady  coming  to  Paine,  and  telling    him    that  God 
Almighty  had  sent  her  to  lell  him  that  unless  he  repented  and  believed 
in  the  blessed  Saviour  he  would  be  damned.    Paine  replied  that  God 
would  not  send  such  a  foolish   old  waman  with  such  an  impertinent 
message.  —  Clio  Rickman's  Life  of  Paine. 

7.  William  Carver,  with  whom  Paine  boarded.    Mr.  Carver  said  again 
and  again  that  Paine  did  not  recant.    He  knew  him  well,  any  had  every 
opportunity  of  knowing.—  Life  of  Paine,  by  Vale. 

8.  Dr.  Manly,  who  attended  him  in  his  last  sickness,  and  to  whom 
Paine  spoke  his  last  words.    Dr.  Manly  asked  him  |if  he  did  not  wish 
to  believe  in  Jesus  Christ,  and  he  replied:  "  I  have  no  wish  to  believe 
on  that  subject." 

9.  Willet  Hicks  and  Elias  Hicks,  who  were  with  him  frequently  dur- 
ing his  last  sickness,  and  both  of  whom  tried  to  persuade  him  to  recant. 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  467 

According  to  their  testimony  Mr.  Paine  died  as  he  lived — a  believer  in 
God  and  a  friend  to  man.  Willet  Hicks  was  offered  money  to  say 
something  false  against  Paine.  He  was  even  offered  money  to  remain 
silent,  and  allow  others  to  slander  the  dead.  Mr.  Hicks,  speaking  of 
Thomas  Paine,  said:  "He  was  a  good  man.  Thomas  Paine  was 'an 
honest  man." 

10.  Amasa  Woods  worth,  who  was  with  him  every  day  for  some  six 
weeks  immediately  preceding  his  death,  and  sat  up  with  him  the  last  two 
nights  of  his  life.    This  man  declares  that  Paine  did  not  recant,  and 
that  he  died  tranquilly.    The  evidence  of  Mr.  Woodsworth  is  conclu- 
sive. 

11.  Thomas  Paine  himself.    The  will  of  Mr.  Paine,  written  by  him- 
self, commences  as  follows:  "The  last  will  and  testament  of  me,  the 
subscriber,  Thomas  Paine,  reposing  confidence  in  my  Creator,  God,  and 
in  no  other  being,  for  I  know  of  no  other,  nor  believe  in  any  other,"  and 
closes  with  these  words:  "  I  have  lived  an  honest  and  useful  life  to  man- 
kind.   My  time  has  been  spent  in  doing  good,  and  I  die  in  perfect  com. 
posure  and  resignation  to  the  will  of  my  Creator,  God." 

12.  If  Thomas  Paine  recanted,  why  do  you  pu  rsue  him  ?    If  he  recanted 
he  died  in  your  belief.    For  what  reason,  then,  do  you  denounce  his  death 
as  cowardly?    If  upon  his  death-bed  he  renounced  the  opinions  he  had 
published,  the  business  of  defaming  him   should  be  done  by  infidels, 
not  by  Christians.    I  ask  Christians  if  it  is  honest  to  throw  away  the 
testimony  of  his  friends,  the  evidence  of  fair  and  honorable  men,  and 
take  the  putrid  words  of  avowed  and  malignant  enemies?     When 
Thomas  Paine  was  dying  he  was  infested  by  fanatics,  by  the  snaky 
spies  of  bigotry.    In  the  shadows  of  death  were  the  unclean  birds  of 
prey  waiting  to  tear,  with  beak  and  claw,  the  corpse  of  him  who  wrote 
the  "Rights  of  Man,"  and  there  lurking  and  crouching  in  the  darkness, 
were  the  jakals  and  hyenas  of  superstition,  ready  to  violate  his  grave. 
These  birds  of  prey — these  unclean  beasts — are  the  witnesses  produced 
and  relied  upon  to  malign  the  memory  of  Thomas  Paine.     One  by  one 
the  instruments  of  torture  have  been  wrenched  from  the  cruel  clutch  of 
the  church,  until  within  the  armory  of  orthodoxy  there  remains  but  one 
weapon — Slander. 

Against  the  witnesses  that  I  have  produced  there  can  be  brought  just 
two— Mary  Roscoe  and  Mary  Hinsdale.  The  first  is  referred  to  in  the 
memoir  of  Stephen  Grellet.  She  had  once  been  a  servant  in  his  house. 
Grellet  tells  what  happened  between  this  girl  and  Paine.  According  to 
this  account,  Paine  asked  her  if  she  had  ever  read  any  of  his  writings, 
and  on  being  told  that  she  had  read  very  little  of  them,  he  inquired 


468  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

what  she  thought  of  them,  adding  that  from  such  an  one  as  she  he 
expected  a  correct  answer. 

Let  us  examine  this  falsehood.  Why  would  Paine  expect  a  correct 
answer  about  his  writings  from  one  who  read  very  little  of  them  ?  Does 
not  such  a  statement  devour  itself?  This  young  lady  fuither  said  that 
the  "  Age  of  Reason  ''  was  put  in  her  hands,  and  that  the  more,  she  read 
in  it,  the  more  dark  and  distressed  she  felt,  and  that  she  threw  the  book 
into  the  fire.  Whereupon  Mr.  Paine  remarked:  "  I  wish  all  had  done 
as  you  did,  for  if  the  devil  ever  had  any  agency  in  any  work,  he  had  in 
my  writing  that  book." 

The  next  is  Mary  Hinsdale.  She  was  a  servant  in  the  family  of  Wil- 
let  Hicks.  The  church  is  always  proving  something  by  a  nurse.  She, 
like  Mary  Roscoe,  was  sent  to  carry  some  delicacy  to  Mr.  Paine.  To 
this  young  lady  Paine,  according  to  his  account,  said  precisely  the  same 
that  he  did  to  Mary  Roscoe,  and  she  said  the  same  thing  to  Mr.  Paine. 

My  own  opinion  is  that  Mary  Roscoe  and  Mary  Hinsdale  are  one  and 
the  same  person,  or  the  same  story  has  been,  by  mistake,  put  in  the 
mouths  of  both.  It  is  not  possible  that  the  identical  conversation 
should  have  taken  place  between  Paine  and  Mary  Roscoe  and  between 
him  and  Mary  Hinsdale.  Mary  Hinsdale  lived  with  Willet  Hicks,  and 
he  pronounced  her  story  a  pious  fraud  and  fabrication. 

Another  thing  about  this  witness.  A  woman  by  the  name  of  Mary 
Lockwood,  a  Hicksite  Quaker,  died.  Mary  Hinsdale  met  her  brother 
about  that  time  and  told  him  that  his  sister  had  recanted,  and  wanted 
her  to  say  so  at  her  funeral.  This  turned  out  to  be  a  lie. 

It  has  been  claimed  that  Mary  Hinsdale  made  her  statement  to  Charles 
Collins.  Long  after  the  alleged  occurrence  Gilbert  Vale,  one  of  the 
biographers  of  Paine,  had  a  conversation  with  Collins  concerning  Mary 
Hinsdale.  Vale  asked  him  what  he  thought  of  her.  He  replied  that 
some  of  the  Friends  believed  that  she  used  opiates,  and  that  they  did 
not  give  credit  to  her  statements.  He  also  said  that  he  believed  what 
the  Friends  said,  but  thought  that  when  a  young  woman  she  might  have 
told  the  truth. 

In  1818  William  Cobbett  came  to  New  York.  He  began  collecting 
material  for  a  life  of  Thomas  Paine.  In  this  way  he  became  acquainted 
with  Mary  Hinsdale  and  Charles  Collins.  Mr.  Cobbett  gave  a  full 
account  of  what  happened  in  a  letter  addressed  to  The  Norwich  Mercury 
in  1819.  From  this  account  it  seems  that  Charles  Collii  s  told  Cobbett 
that  Paine  had  recanted.  Cobbett  called  for  the  testimony,  and  told 
Mr.  Collins  that. he  must  give  time,  place,  and  circumstances.  He 
finally  brought  a  statement  that  he  stated  had  been  made  by  Mary 
Hinsdale.  Armed  with  this  document,  Cobbett,  in  October  of  that 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  469 

year,  called  upon  the  said  Mary  Hinsdale,  at  No.  10  Anthony  Street, 
New  York,  and  showed  her  the  statement.  Upon  being  questioned  by 
Mr.  Cobbettshe  said  that  it  was  so  long  ago  that  she  could  not  speak 
positively  to  any  part  of  the  matter;  that  she  would  not  say  that  any 
part  of  the  paper  was  true;  that  she  had  never  seen  the 
paper,  and  that  she  had  never  given  Charles  Collins  authority 
to  say  anything  about  the  matter  in  her  name.  And  so  in  the 
month  of  October,  in  the  year  of  grace  1818,  in  the  mist  of  fog  and  for. 
getfuluess,  disappeared  forever  one  Mary  Hinsdale,  the  last  and  only 
witness  against  the  intellectual  honesty  of  Thomas  Paine. 

A  letter  was  written  to  the  editor  of  The  New  York  World  by  the 
Rev.  A.  W.  Cornell,  in  which  he  says: 

SIR  :  I  see  by  your  paper  that  Bob  Ingersoll  discredits  Mary  Hins- 
dale's  story  of  the  scenes  which  occurred  at  the  death  bed  of  Thomas 
Paine.  No  one  who  knew  that  good  old  lady  would  for  one  moment 
doubt  her  veracity,  or  question  her  testimony.  Both  she  and  her  hus- 
band were  Quaker  preachers,  and  well  known  and  respected  inhabitants 
of  New  York  City. 

Ingersoll  is  right  in  his  conjecture  that  Mary  Roscoe  and  Mary  Hins- 
dale were  the  same  person.  Her  maiden  mame  was  Roscoe  and  she 
married  Henry  Hinsdale.  My  mother  was  a  Roscoe,  a  niece  of  Mary 
Roscoe,  and  lived  with  her  for  some  time. 

REV.  A.  W.  CORNELL,  Harpersville,  N.  Y. 

The  editor  of  the  New  York  Observer  took  up  the  challenge  that  I  had 
thrown  down.  I  offered  $1  000  in  gold  to  any  minister  who  would 
prove,  or  to  any  person  \vlio  would  prove  that  Thomas  Paine  recanted 
in  his  last  hours.  The  New  York  Observer  accepted  the  wager,  and  then 
told  a  falsehood  about  it.  But  I  kept  after  the  gentlemen  until  I  forced 
them,  in  their  paper,  published  on  the  1st  of  November,  1877,  to  print 
these  words : 

We  have  never  stated  in  any  form,  nor  have  we  ever  supposed,  that 
Paine  actually  renounced  his  infidelity.  The  accounts  agree  in  stating 
that  he  died  a  blaspheming  infidel. 

This,  I  hope,  for  all  coming  time  will  refute  the  slanders  of  the 
churches  yet  to  be. 

The  next  charge  they  make  is  that  Thomas  Paine  died  in  destitution 
and  want.  That,  of  course,  would  show  that  he  was  wrong.  They 
boast  that  the  founder  of  their  religion  had  not  whereon  to  lay  his 
head,  but  when  they  found  a  man  who  stood  for  the  rights  of  man, 
when  they  say  that  he  did,  that  is  an  evidence  that  this  doctrine  was  a 
lie.  Won't  do!  Did  Thomas  Paine  die  in  destitution  and  want?  The 
charge  has  been  made  over  and  over  again  that  Thomas  Paine  died  in 
want  and  destitution ;  that  he  was  an  abandoned  pauper— an  outcast, 
without  friends  and  without  mouev  ^Ms  charge  is  just  as  false  as  the 
10 


47°  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

rest.  Upon  his  return  to  this  country,  in  1802,  he  was  worth  $30,000, 
according  to  his  own  statement,  made  at  that  time  in  the  following  let 
ter,  and  addressed  to  Clio  Rickman : 

My  dear  friend,  Mr.  Monroet  who  is  appointed  minister  extraordinary 
to  France,  takes  charge  of  this,  to  be  delivered  to  Mr.  Este,  banker,  in 
Paris,  to  be  forwarded  to  you. 

I  arrived  in  Baltimore,  30th  of  October,  and  you  can  have  no  idea  of 
the  agitation  which  my  arrival  occasioned.  From  New  Hampshire  to 
Georgia  (an  extent  of  1,500  miles),  every  newspaper  was  tilled  with 
applause  or  abuse. 

My  property  in  this  country  has  been  taken  care  of  by  my  friends,  and  is 
now  worth  six  thousand  pounds  sterling,  which,  put  in  the  funds,  will 
bring  about  £400  sterling  a  year. 

Remember  me  in  affection  and  friendship  to  your  wife  and  family, 
and  iu  the  circle  of  your  friends.  THOMAS  PAINE. 

A  man  in  those  days  worth  $30,000  was  not  a  pauper.  That  amount 
would  bring  an  income  of  at  least  $2,000.  Two  thousand  dollars  then 
would  be  fully  equal  to  $5,000  now.  On  the  12th  of  July,  1809,  the 
year  in  which  he  died,  Mr.  Paine  made  his  will.  From  this  instrument 
we  learn  that  he  was  the  owner  of  a  valuable  farm  within  twenty  miles 
of  New  York.  He  was  also  owner  of  thirty  shares  in  the  New  York 
Phoenix  Insurance  Company,  worth  upward  of  $1,500.  Besides  this, 
some  personal  property  and  ready  money.  By  his  will  he  gave  to 
Walter  Morton  and  Thomas  Addis  Emmet,  a  brother  of  Robert  Emmet, 
$200  each,  and  $100  to  the  widow  of  Elihu  Palmer.  Is  it  possible  that 
this  will  was  made  by  a  pauper,  by  a  destitute  outcast,  by  a  man  who 
suffered  for  the  ordinary  necessities  of  life  ? 

But  suppose,  for  the  sake  of  argument,  that  he  was  poor,  and  that  he 
died  a  beggar,  does  that  tend  to  show  that  the  Bible  is  an  inspired  book, 
and  that  Calvin  did  not  burn  Servetus  ?  Do  you  really  regard  poverty  as 
a  crime?  If  Paine  had  died  a  millionaire,  would  Christians  have 
accepted  his  religious  opinions?  If  Paine  had  drank  nothing  but  cold 
water,  would  Christians  have  repudiated  the  five  cardinal  points  of  Cal- 
vinism ?  Does  an  argument  depend  for  its  force  upon  the  pecuniary 
condition  of  the  person  making  it?  As  a  matter  of  fact,  most  reform- 
ers—most men  and  women  of  genius— have  been  acquainted  with 
poverty.  Beneath  a  covering  of  rags  have  been  found  some  of  the 
tenderest  and  bravest  hearts. 

Owing  to  the  attitude  of  the  churehes  for  the  last  fifteen  hundred 
years,  truth  telling  has  not  been  a  very  lucrative  business.  As  a  rule, 
hypocrisy  has  worn  the  robes,  and  honesty  the  rags.  That  day  is  pass- 
ing away.  You  can  not  now  answer  a  man  by  pointing  at  the  holes  in 
his  coat.  Thomas  Paine  attacked  the  church  when  it  was  powerful; 
when  it  had  what  is  called  honors  to  bestow ;  when  it  was  the  keeper  ot 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  47  r 

the  public  conscience ;  when  it  was  strong  and  cruel.  The  church 
waited  till  he  was  dead,  and  then  attacked  his  reputation  and  his  clothes. 
Once  upon  a  time  a  donkey  kicked  a  lion.  The  lion  was  dead.  You 
just  don't  know  how  happy  I  am  to-night  that  justice  so  long  delayed 
at  last  is  going  to  be  done,  and  to  see  so  many  splendid  looking  people 
come  here  out  of  deference  to  the  memory  of  Thomas  Paine.  I  am  glad 
to  be  here. 

The  next  thing  is:  Did  Thomas  Paine  live  the  life  of  a  drunken 
beast,  and  did  he  die  a  drunken,  cowardly,  and  beastly  death  ?  Well,  we 
will  see.  Upon  you  rests  the  burden  of  substantiating  these  infamous 
charges.  The  Christians  have,  I  suppose,  produced  the  best  evidence  in 
their  possession,  and  that  evidence  I  will  now  proceed  to  examine. 
Their  first  witness  is  Grant  Thorburn.  He  made  three  charges  against 
Thomas  Paine : 

1.  That  his  wife  obtained  a  divorce  from  him  in  England  for  cruelty 
and  neglect. 

2.  That  he  was  a  defaulter  and  fled  from  England  to  America. 

3.  That  he  was  a  drunkard. 

These  three  charges  stand  upon  the  same  evidence— the  word  of  Grant 
Thorburn  If  they  are  not  all  true,  Mr.  Thorburn  stands  impeached. 

The  charge  that  Mrs.  Paine  obtained  a  divorce  on  account  of  the 
cruelty  and  neglect  of  her  husband  is  utterly  false.  There  is  no  such 
record  in  the  world,  and  never  was.  Paine  and  his  wife  separated  by 
mutual  consent.  Each  respected  the  other.  They  remained  friends. 
This  charge  is  without  any  foundation,  in  fact,  I  challenge  the  Christian 
world  to  produce  the  record  of  this  decree  of  divorce.  According  to 
Mr.  Thorburn,  it  was  granted  in  England.  In  that  country  public  rec- 
ords are  kept  of  all  such  decrees.  I  will  give  $1,000  if  they  will  produce 
a  decree,  showing  that  it  was  given  on  account  of  cruelty,  or  admit  that 
Mr.  Thorburn  was  mistaken. 

Thomas  Paine  was  a  just  man.  Although  separated  from  his  wife,  he 
always  spoke  of  her  w.th  tenderness  and  respect,  and  frequently  tent 
her  money  without  letting  her  know  the  source  from  whence  it  came. 
Was  this  the  conduct  of  a  drunken  beast  ? 

The  next  is  that  he  was  a  defaulter,  and  fled  from  England  to  America. 
As  I  told  you  in  the  first  place,  he  was  an  exciseman;  if  he  was  a  de- 
faulter, that  fact  is  upon  the  records  of  Great  Britain.  I  will  give  $1,000 
in  gold  to  any  man  who  will  show,  by  the  records  of  England,  that  he 
was  a  defaulter  of  a  single,  solitary  cent.  Let  us  bring  these  gentlemen 
to  Limerick. 

And  they  charge  that  he  was  a  drunkard.  That  is  another  falsehood, 
He  drank  liquor  in  his  day,  as  did  the  preachers.  It  was  no  unuauaJ 


472  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

thing  for  a  preacher  going  home  to  stop  in  a  tavern  and  take  a  drink  of 
hot  rum  with  a  deacon,  and  it  was  no  unusual  thing  for  the  deacon  to 
help  the  preacher  home.  You  have  no  idea  how  they  loved  the  sacra- 
ment  in  those  days.  They  had  communion  pretty  much  all  the  time. 

Thorburn  says  that  in  1802  Paine  was  an  "  old  remnant  of  mortality, 
drunk,  bloated,  and  half  asleep."  Can  anyone  believe  this  to  be  a  true 
account  of  the  personal  appearance  of  Mr.  Paine  in  1802  ?  He  had  just 
returned  from  France.  He  had  been  welcomed  home  by  Thomas  Jeffer- 
son, who  had  said  that  he  was  entitled  to  the  hospitality  of  every 
American. 

In  1802  Mr.  Paine  was  honored  with  a  public  dinner  in  the  City  of 
New  York.  He  was  called  upon  and  treated  with  kindness  and  respect 
by  such  men  as  De  Witt  Clinton.  In  1806  Mr.  Paine  wrote  a  letter  to 
Andrew  A.  Dean  upon  the  subject  of  religion.  Read  that  letter  and 
then  say  that  the  writer  of  it  was  an  old  remnant  of  mortality,  drunk, 
bloated,  and  half  asleep.  Search  the  files  of  Christian  papers,  from  the 
first  issue  to  the  last,  and  you  will  find  nothing  superior  to  this  letter.  In 
1803  Mr.  Paine  wrote  a  letter  of  considerable  length,  and  of  great  force, 
to  his  friend  Samuel  Adams.  Such  letters  are  not  written  by  drunken 
beasts,  nor  by  remnants  of  old  mortality,  nor  by  drunkards.  It  was 
about  the  same  time  that  he  wrote  his  "  Remarks  on  Robert  Hall's  Ser- 
mons." These  "Remarks"  were  not  written  by  a  drunken  beast,  but  by 
a  clear-headed  and  thoughtful  man. 

In  1804  he  published  an  essay  on  the  invasion  of  England  and  a 
treatise  on  gun-boats,  full  of  valuable  maritime  information ;  in  1805  a 
treatise  on  yellow  fever,  suggesting  modes  of  prevention.  In  short,  he 
was  an  industrious  and  thoughtful  man.  r£e  sympathized  with  the  poor 
and  oppressed  of  all  lands.  He  looked  upon  monarchy  as  a  species  of 
physical  slavery.  He  had  the  goodness  to  attack  that  form  of  govern- 
ment. He  regarded  the  religion  of  his  day  as  a  kind  of  mental  slavery. 
He  had  the  courage  to  give  his  reasons  for  his  opinion.  His  reasons 
filled  the  churches  with  hatred.  Instead  of  answering  his  arguments 
they  attacked  him.  Men  who  were  not  fit  to  blacken  his  shoes  blackened 
his  character.  There  is  too  much  religious  cant  in  the  statement  of  Mr. 
Thorburn.  He  exhibits  too  much  anxiety  to  tell  what  Grant  Thorburn 
said  to  Thomas  Paine.  He  names  Thomas  Jefferson  as  one  of  the  dis- 
reputable men  who  welcomed  Paine  with  open  arms.  The  testimony 
of  a  man  who  regarded  Thomas  Jefferson  as  a  disreputable  person,  as 
to  the  character  of  anybody,  is  utterly  without  value. 

Now,  Grant  Thorburn— this  gentleman  who  was  "  four  feet  and  a  half 
high,  and  who  weighed  ninety  eight  pounds  three  and  one-half  ounces" 
—says  that  he  uaed  to  sit  nights  at  Carver's,  in  New  York,  with  Thomas 


GN  T SO  MAS  PAINS. 

Paine.  Mrs.  Ferguson,  the  daughter  of  William  Carver,  says  that  she 
knew  Thorburn  when  she  saw  him,  but  that  she  never  saw  him  in  her 
father's  house.  The  denial  of  Mrs.  Ferguson  enraged  Thorburn,  and  he 
at  once  wrote  a  few  falsehoods  about  her.  Thereupon  a  suit  was  com- 
menced by  Mrs.  Ferguson  and  her  husband  against  Thorburn,  the  writer, 
and  Fanshaw,  the  publisher,  of  the  libel.  Thorburn  ran  away  to  Con- 
necticut. Fanshaw  wrote  him  for  evidence  of  what  he  had  written. 
Thorburn  replied  that  what  he  had  written  about  Mrs.  Ferguson  could 
not  be  proved.  Fanshaw  then  settled  with  the  Fergusons,^  paying  them 
the  amount  demanded. 

In  1859  the  Fergusons  lived  at  No.  148  Duane  Street,  New  York.  In 
The  Commercial  Advertiser  of  New  York,  in  1830,  appeared  the  written 
acknowledgment  of  this  same  little  Grant  Thorburn  that  he  did,  on  the 
22cl  of  August,  1830,  at  half-past  6  in  the  morning,  take  four  bottles  of 
cider  from  the  cellar  of  Mr.  Comstook. 

Mr.  Comstock  says  that  Thorburn  was  arrested,  and  that  when  brought 
oefore  him  he  pleaded  guilty  and  threw  himself  upon  his  (Comstock's) 
mercy. 

The  Philadelphia  Tract  Society  gave  Thorburn  $100  to  write  his  rec- 
ollections of  Thomas  Paine. 

Let  us  dispose  of  this  four  feet  and  a  half  of  wretch.  In  October,  1877> 
I  received  the  following  letter  frem  James  Parton : 

NEWBURYPORT,  Mass.,  Oct  27,  1877.— MY  DEAR  SIR:  Touching 
Grant  Thorburn,  I  personally  knew  him  to  have  been  a  liar.  At  the  age 
of  92  he  copied  with  trembling  hand  a  piece  from  a  newspaper  and 
brought  it  to  the  office  of  The  Home  Journal  as  his  own.  It  was  I  who 
received  it  and  detected  the  deliberate  forgery.  *  *  JAMES  PARTON. 

So  much  for  Grant  Thorburn.  In  my  judgment,  the  testimony  of  Mr. 
Thorburn  should  be  thrown  aside  as  utterly  unworthy  of  belief. 

The  next  witness  is  the  Rev.  J.  D.  Wickham,  D.  D.,  who  tells  what  an 
elder  in  his  church  said.  This  elder  said  that  Paine  passed  his  last  days 
on  his  farm  at  New  Rochelle,  with  a  solitary  female  attendant.  This  is 
not  true.  He  did  not  pass  his  last  days  at  New  Rochelle,  consequently, 
this  pious  elder  did  not  see  him  during  his  last  days  at  that  place.  Upon 
this  elder  we  prove  an  alibi.  Mr.  Paine  passed  his  last  days  in  the  City 
of  New  York,  in  a  house  upon  Columbia  Street.  The  story  of  the  Rev. 
J.  D.  Wickham,  D.  D.,  is  simply  false. 

The  next  competent  false  witness  was  the  Rev.  Charles  Hawley,  D.  D., 
who  proceeds  to  state  that  the  story  of  the  Rev.  J.  D.  Wickham,  D.  D.,  is 
corroborated  by  older  citizens  of  New  Rochelle.  The  names  of  these 
ancient  residents  are  withheld.  According  to  these  unknown  witnesses, 
the  account  given  by  the  deceased  elder  was  entirely  correct.  But  as  the 
particulars  of  Mr.  Paine's  conduct  "  were  too  loathsome  to  be  described 
in  prinV'  we  are  left  entirely  in  the  dark^as  to  what  he  really  did. 


474  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

While  at  New  Rochelle,  Mr.  Paine  lived  with  Mr.  Purdy,  Mr.  Dean, 
with  Capt.  Pel  ton,  and  with  Mr.  Staple.  It  is  worthy  of  note  that  all  oi 
these  gentlemen  give  the  lie  direct  to  Jie  statements  of  "  older  residents" 
and  ancient  citizens  spoken  of  by  the  Rev.  Charles  Hawley,  D.  D.,  and 
leave  him  with  the  "loathsome  particulars"  existing  only  in  his  own 
mind. 

The  next  gentleman  brought  upon  the  stand  is  W.  H.  Ladd,  who 
quotes  from  the  memoirs  of  Stephen  Grellett.  This  gentleman  also  has 
the  misfortune  to  be  dead.  According  to  his  account,  Mr.  Paine  made 
his  recantation  to  a  servant  girl  of  his  by  the  name  of  Mary  Roscoe.  Mr. 
Paine  uttered  the  wish  thart  all  who  read  his  book  had  burned  it.  I 
believe  there  is  a  mistake  in  the  name  of  this  girl.  Her  name  was  prob- 
ably Mary  Hinsdale,  as  it  was  once  claimed  that  Paine  made  the  same 
remark  to  her. 

These  are  the  witnesses  of  the  church,  and  the  only  ones  you  bring 
forward  to  support  your  charge  that  Thomas  Paine  lived  a  drunken 
and  beastly  life,  and  died  a  drunken,  cowardly,  and  beastly  death.  All 
these  calumnies  are  found  in  a  life  of  Paine  by  James  Cheetham,  the 
convicted  libeler  already  referred  to.  Mr.  Cheetham  was  an  enemy  of 
the  man  whose  life  he  pretended  to  write.  In  order  to  show  you  the 
estimation  in  which  this  libeler  was  held  by  Mr.  Paine,  I  will  give  you 
a  copy  of  a  letter  that  throws  light  upon  this  point: 

OCT.  27, 1807.— MR.  CHEETHAM  :  Unless  you  make  a  public  apology 
for  the  abuse  and  falsehood  in  your  paper  of  Tuesday,  Oct.  27,  respect- 
ing  me,  I  will  prosecute  you  for  lying.  THOMAS  PAINE. 

In  another  letter,  speaking  of  this  same  man,  Mr.  Paine  says :  "If  an 
unprincipled  bully  can  not  be  reformed,  he  can  be  punished."  Cheet- 
ham has  been  so  long  in  the  habit  of  giving  false  information,  that  truth 
is  to  him  like  a  foreign  language. 

Mr.  Cheetham  wrote  the  life  of  Mr.  Paine  to  gratify  his  malice  and  to 
support  religion.  He  was  prosecuted  for  libel — was  convicted  and  fined. 
Yet  the  life  of  Paine,  written  by  this  liar,  is  referred  to  by  the  Chris- 
tian world  as  the  highest  authority. 

As  to  the  personal  habits  of  Mr.  Paine,  we  have  the  testimony  of  Wil- 
liam Carver,  with  whom  he  lived;  of  Mr.  Jarvis,  the  artist,  with  whom 
he  lived;  of  Mr.  Purdy,  \\ ho  was  a  tenant  of  Paine's;  of  Mr.  Buyer, 
with  whom  he  was  intimate;  of  Thomas  Nixon  and  Capt.  Daniel  Pel- 
ton,  both  of  whom  knew  him  well;  of  Amasa  Woodsworth,  who  was 
with  him  when  he  died ;  of  John  Fellows,  who  boarded  at  the  same 
house;  of  James  Wilburn,  with  whom  he  boarded;  of  B.  F.  Haskins,  a 
lawyer,  who  was  well  acquainted  with  him,  and  called  upon  him  during 
his  last  illness;  of  Walter  Morton,  President  of  the  Phoenix  Insurance 
Company;  of  Clio  liickman,  who  iiad  known  him  for  many  years;  of 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  475 

Willet  and  Elias  Hicks,  Quakers,  who  knew  him  intimately  and  well: 
of  Judge  Hjrtell,  H.  Margary,  Elihu  Palmer  aud  many  others.  All 
these  testified  to  the  fact  that  Mr.  Paine  was  a  temperate  man.  In  those 
days  nearly  everybody  used  spirituous  liquors.  Paine  was  not  an  ex- 
ception, but  he  did  not  drink  to  excess.  Mr.  Lovett,  who  kept  the  City 
Hotel,  where  Paine  stopped,  in  a  note  to  Caleb  Bingham  declared  tluit 
Paine  drank  less  than  any  boarder  he  had. 

Against  all  this  evidence  Christians  produce  the  story  of  Grant  Thor 
burn,  the  story  of  the  Rev.  J.  D.  Wickham,  that  an  elder  in  his  church 
told  him  that  Paine  was  a  drunkard,  corroborated  by  the  Rev.  Charles 
Hawley,  and  an  extract  from  Lossing's  history  to  the  same  effect.  The 
evidence  is  overwhelmingly  against  them.  Will  you  have  the  fdrness 
to  admit  it?  Their  witnesses  ire  merely  the  repeaters  of  the  falsehoods 
of  James  Cheetham,  the  convicted  libeler. 

After  all,  drinking  is  not  as  bad  as  lying.  An  honest  drunkard  is 
better  than  a  calumniator  of  the  dead.  "A  remnant  of  old  mortality 
drunk,  bloated,  and  half-asleep,"  is  better  than  a  perfectly  sober  de- 
fender of  human  slavery.  To  become  drunk  is  a  virtue  compared  with 
stealing  a  babe  from  the  breast  of  its  mother.  Drunkenness  is  one  of  the 
beatitudes,  compared  with  editing  a  religious  paper  devoted  to  the 
defense  of  slavery  upon  the  ground  that  it  is  a  divine  institution.  Do 
you  think  that  Paine  was  a  drunken  beast  when  he  wrote  u  Common 
Sense,"  a  pamphlet  that  aroused  three  millions  "of  people,  as  people 
were  never  aroused  by  words  before  ?  Was  he  a  drunken  beast  when  he 
wrote  the  "Crisis?"  Was  it  to  a  drunken  beast  that  the  'following 
letter  was  a  .dressed :  - 

ROCKY  HILL,  September  10,  1783. — I  have  learned,  since  I  have  been 
at  this  place,  that  you  are  at  Bordentown.  Whether  for  the  sa*e  of 
retirement  or  economy,  I  know  not.  Be  it  for  either,  or  both,  or  what- 
ever it  may,  if  you  will  come  to  this  place  and  partake  with  me,  I  shall 
be  exceedingly  happy  to  see  you  at  it.  Your  presence  may  remind  Con- 
gress of  your  past  services  to  this  country;  and  if  it  is  in  my  power  to 
impress  them,  command  my  best  exertions  with  freedom,  as  they  will 
be  rendered  cheerfully  by  one  who  entertains  a  lively  sense  of  th:-  im- 
portance of  your  works,  and  who,  with  much  pleasure,  subscribes  him- 
self your  sincere  friend,  GEORGE  WASHINGTON. 

Do  you  think  that  Paine  was  a  drunken  beast  when  the  following 
letters  were  received  by  him: 

You  express  a  wish  5n  your  letter  to  return  to  America  in  a  national 
ship.  Mr.  Dawson,  who  brings  over  the  treaty,  and  who  will  present 
you  wiih  this  letter,  is  charged  witli  orders  to  the  Captain  of  the  Mary- 
land to  receive  and  accommodate  you  l.otk,  if  you  can  be  ready  to 
depart  at  such  a  short  warning.  You  will,  in  general,  find  us  returned 
to  sentiments  worthy  of  former  times;  in  tht^e  it  \\\\\  !>c  your  L'lory  to 
have  steadily  labored,  and  with  as  much  effect  as  any  man  living.  That 


4/6  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

you  may  live  long  to  continue  your  useful  labors,  and  reap  the  reward 
in  the  thankfulness  of  nations,  is  my  sincere  prayer.  Accept  the  assur- 
ances of  my  high  esteem  and  affectionate  attachment. 

THOMAS  JEFFERSON. 

It  has  been  very  generally  propagated  through  the  continent  that  I 
wrote  the  pamphlet  "  Common  Sense."  I  could  not  have  written  any- 
thing in  so  manly  and  striking  a  style.  JOHN  ADAMS. 

A  few  more  such  flaming  arguments  as  were  exhibited  at  Falmouth 
and  Norfolk,  added  to  the  sound  doctrine  and  unanswerable  reasoning 
contained  in  the  pamphlet  u  Common  Sense,"  will  not  leave  numbers 
at  a  loss  to  decide  on  the  propriety  of  a  separation. 

GEORGE  WASHINGTON. 

It  is  not  necessary  for  me  to  tell  you  how  much  all  your  countrymen 
— I  speak  of  the  great  mass  of  the  people — are  interested  in  your  wel- 
fare. They  have  not  forgotten  the  history  of  their  own  revolution,  and 
the  difficult  scenes  through  which  they  passed ;  nor  do  they  review  its 
several  stages  without  reviving  in  their  bosoms  a  due  sensibility  of  the 
merits  of  those  who  served  them  in  that  great  and  arduous  conflict.  The 
crime  of  ingratitude  has  not  yet  stained,  and  I  trust  never  will  stain,  GUI' 
national  character.  You  are  considered  by  them  as  not  only  having 
rendered  important  services  in  our  revolution,  but  as  being  on  a  more 
extensive  scale  the  friend  of  human  right  and  a  distinguished  and  able 
advocate  in  favor  of  public  liberty.  To  the  welfare  of  Thomas  Paine, 
the  Americans  are  not,  nor  can  they  be,  indifferent. 

JAMES  MONROE. 

No  writer  has  exceeded  Paine  in  ease  and  familiarity  of  style,  in 
perspicuity  of  expression,  happiness  of  elucidation,  and  in  simple  and 
unassuming  language.  THOMAS  JEFFERSON. 

Was  it  in  consideration  of  the  services  of  a  drunken  beast  that  the 
Legislature  of  Pennsylvania  presented  Thomas  Paine  with  £500  sterling  ? 
Did  the  State  of  New  York  feel  indebted  to  a  drunken  beast,  and  confer 
upon  Thomas  Paine  an  estate  of  several  hundred  acres  ?  Did  the  Con- 
gress of  the  United  States  thank  him  for  his  services  because  he  had 
lived  a  drunken  and  beastly  life?  Was  he  elected  a  member  of  the 
French  convention  because  he  was  a  drunken  beast  ?  Was  it  the  act  of 
a  drunken  beast  to  put  his  own  life  in  jeopardy  by  voting  against  the 
death  of  the  King?  Was  it  because  he  was  a  drunken  beast  that  he  op- 
posed the  "  Reign  of  Terror  " — that  he  endeavored  to  stop  the  shedding 
of  blood,  and  did  all  in  his  power  to  protect  even  his  own  enemies  ?  Do 
the  following  extracts  sound  like  the  words  of  a  drunken  beast: 

I  believe  in  the  equality  of  man,  and  I  believe  that  religious  duties 
consist  in  doing  justice,  loving  mercy,  and  endeavoring  to  make  our  fel- 
low creatures  happy. 

My  own  mind  is  my  own  church. 

It  is  necessary  to  the  happiness  of  man  that  he  be  mentally  faithful 
to  himself. 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  477 

.,  „  Any  system  of  religion  that  shocks  the  mind  of  a  child  can  not  be  a 
""true  system. 

The  work  of  God  is  the  creation  which  we  behold. 

The  age  of  ignorance  commenced  with  the  Christian  system, 

It  is  with  a  pious  fraud  as  with  a  bad  action — it  begets  a  calamitous 
necessity  of  going  on. 

To  read  the  Bible  without  horror,  we  must  undo  everything  that  is 
tender,  sympathizing,  and  benevolent  in  the  heart  of  man. 

The  man  does  not  exist  who  can  say  I  have  persecuted  him,  or  that  I 
have,  in  any  case,  returned  evil  for  evil- 

Of  all  the  tyrants  that  afflict  mankind,  tyranny  in  religion  is  the 
worst. 

The  belief  in  a  cruel  God  makes  a  cruel  man. 

My  own  opinion  is,  that  those  whose  lives  have  been  spent  in  doing 
good,  and  endeavoring  to  make  their  fellow-mortals  happy,  will  be 
happy  hereafter. 

The  intellectual  part  of  religion  is  a  private  affair  between  every  man 
and  his  Maker,  and  in  which  no  third  party  has  any  right  to  interfere. 
The  practical  part  consists  in  our  doing  good  to  each  other. 

No  man  ought  to  make  a  living  by  religion.  One  person  can  not  act 
religion  for  another — every  person  must  act  for  himself. 

One  good  school-master  is  of  more  use  than  a  hundred  priests. 

Let  us  propagate  morality,  unfettered  by  superstition. 

God  is  the  power,  or  first  cause ;  nature  is  the  law,  and  matter  is  the 
subject  acted  upon. 

I  believe  in  one  God  and  no  more,  and  I  hope  for  happiness  beyond 
this  life. 

The  key  of  happiness  is  not  in  the  keeping  of  any  sect,  nor  ought  the 
road  to  it  to  be  obstructed  by  any. 

My  religion,  and  the  whole  of  it,  is  the  fear  and  love  of  the  Deity,  and 
universal  philanthropy. 

I  have  yet,  I  believe,  some  years  in  store,  for  I  have  a  good  state  of 
health  and  a  happy  mind.  I  taKe  care  of  both,  by  nourishing  the  first 
with  temperance  and  the  latter  with  abundance. 

He  lives  immured  within  the  bastile  of  a  word. 

How  perfectly  that  sentence  describes  the  orthodox.  The  bastile  in 
which  they  are  immured  is  the  word  "  Calvinism." 

Man  has  no  property  in  man. 

The  world  is  my  country,  to  do  good  my  religion. 

I  ask  again  whether  these  splendid  utterances  came  from  the  lips  of 
a  drunken  beast  ? 

"  Man  has  no  property  in 


478 

What  a  splendid  motto  that  would  make  for  the  religious  newspapers 
of  this  country  thirty  years  ago.  I  ask,  again,  whether  these  splendid 
utterances  came  from  the  lips  of  a  drunken  beast  ? 

Only  a  little  while  ago — two  or  three  days — I  read  a  report  of  an  ad- 
dress made  by  Bishop  Doane,  an  Episcopal  Bishop  in  apostolic  succes- 
sion — regular  line  from  Jesus  Christ  down  to  Bishop  Doane.  The 
Bishop  was  making  a  speech  to  young  preachers— the  sprouts,  the 
theological  buds.  He  took  it  upon  him  to  advise  them  all  against  early 
marriages.  Let  us  look  at  it.  Do  you  believe  there  is  any  duty  that 
man  owes  to  God  that  will  prevent  a  man  marrying  the  woman  he 
loves?  Is  there  some  duty  that  I  owe  to  the  clouds  that  will  prevent 
me  from  marrying  some  good,  sweet  woman?  Now,  just  think  of  that! 
I  tell  you,  young  man,  you  marry  as  soon  as  you  can  find  her  and  sup- 
port her.  I  had  rather  have  one  woman  that  I  know  than  any  amount 
of  gods  that  I  am  not  acquainted  with.  If  there  is  any  revelation  from 
God  to  man,  a  good  woman  is  the  best  revelation  He  has  ever  made; 
and  I  will  admit  that  that  revelation  was  inspired. 

Now,  on  the  subject  of  marriage,  let  me  offset  the  speech  of  Bishop 
Doane  by  a  word  from  this  "  wretched  infidel :" 

Though  I  appear  a  sorry  wanderer,  the  marriage  state  has  not  a  sin- 
cerer  friend  than  I.  It  is  the  harbor  of  human  life,  and  is,  with  respect 
to  the  things  of  this  world,  what  the  next  world  is  to  this.  It  is  home, 
and  that  one  word  conveys  more  than  any  other  word  can  express.  For 
a  few  years  we  may  glide  along  the  tide  of  a  single  life,  but  it  is  a  tide 
that  flows  but  once,  and,  what  is  still  worse,  it  ebbs  faster  than  it  flows, 
and  leaves  many  a  hapless  voyager  aground.  I  am  one,  you  see,  that 
has  experienced  the  fall  I  am  describing.  I  have  lost  my  tide;  itpassed 
by  while  every  throb  of  my  heart  was  on  the  wing  for  the  salvation  of 
America,  and  I  have  now,  as  contentedly  as  I  can,  made  myself  a  little 
tower  of  walls  on  that  shore  that  has  the  solitary  resemblance  of  home 

I  just  want  you  to  know  what  this  dreadful  infidel  thought  of  home. 
I  just  wanted  you  to  know  what  Thomas  Paine  thought  of  home. 

Then  here  is  another  letter  that  Thomas  Paine  wrote  to  congress  on  the 
21st  day  of  January,  1808,  and  I  wanted  you  to  know  those  two.  It  is 
only  a  short  one: 

To  THE  HONORABLE  THE  SENATE  OF  THE  UNITED  STATES:  The 
purport  of  this  address  is  to  state  a  claim  I  feel  myself  entitled  to  make 
on  the  United  States,  leaving  it  to  their  representatives  in  congress  to 
decide  on  its  worth  and  its  merits.  The  case  is  as  follows : 

Toward  the  latter  end  of  the  year  1780  the  continental  money  had 
become  depreciated — the  paper  dollar  being  then  not  more  than  a  cent 
— that  it  seemed  next  to  impossible  to  continue  the  war.  As  the  United 
States  was  then  in  alliance  with  France,  it  became  necessary  to  make 
France  acquainted  with  our  real  situation.  I  therefore  drew  up  a  letter 
to  the  Count  De  Vergennes,  stating  undisguisedly  the  whole  case,  and 
concluding  with  a  request  whether  France  could  not,  either  as  a  sub- 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  479 

sidy  or  a  loan,  supply  the  United  States  with  a  million  pound*  sterling, 
and  continue  that  supply,  annually,  during  the  war.  I  showed  this 
letter  to  Mr.  Morbois,  secretary  of  the  French  minister.  His  remark 
upon  it  was  that  a  million  sent  out  of  the  nation  exhausted  it  more  than 
ten  millions  spent  in  it.  I  then  showed  it  to  Mr.  Ralph  Izard,  member 
of  congress  from  South  Carolina.  He  borrowed  the  letter  of  me  and 
said:  "  We  will  endeavor  to  dp  something  about  it  in  congr<  ss."  Ac- 
cordingly, congress  then  appointed  John  A.  Laurens  to  go  to  France  and 
make  representation  for  the  purpose  of  obtaining  assistance.  Col. 
Laurens  wished  to  decline  the  mission,  and  asked  that  congress  would 
appoint  Col.  Hamilton,  who  did  not  choose  to  do  it.  Col.  Laurens  then 
came  and  stated  the  case  to  me,  and  said  that  he  was  well  enough 
acquainted  with  the  military  difficulties  of  the  army,  but  he  was  not 
acquainted  with  political  affairs,  or  with  the  resources  of  the  country, 
to  undertake  such  a  mission.  Said  he,  '*  If  you  will  go  with  me  I  will 
accept  the  mission."  This  I  agreed  to  do,  and  did  do.  We  sailed  from 
Boston  in  the  Alliance  frigate  February,  1781,  and  arrived  in  France  in 
the  beginning  of  March.  The  aid  obtained  fro.n  France  was  six  millions 
of  liyres,  as  at  present,  and  ten  millions  as  a  loan,  borrowed  in  Holland 
on  the  security  of  France.  We  sailed  from  Brest  in  the  French  frigate 
Resolue  the  1st  of  June,  and  arrived  at  Boston  on  the  25th  of  August, 
bringing  with  us  two  millions  and  a  half  in  silver,  and  conveying  a  ship 
and  a  brig  laden  with  clothing  and  military  stores. 

The  money  was  transported  with  sixteen  ox  teams  to  the  National 
bank  at  Philadelphia,  which  enable  I  our  army  to  move  to  Yorktown  to 
attack  in  conjunction  with  the  French  army  under  Kochambeau,  the 
British  army  under  Cornwallis. 

As  I  never  had  a  single  cent  for  these  services,  I  felt  myself  entitled, 
as  the  country  is  now  in  a  stafe  of  prosperity,  to  state  the  case  to  congress. 

As  to  my  political  works,  beginning  with  the  pamphlet  "Common 
Sense,"  published  the  beginning  of  January  1776,  which  awakened 
America  to  a  declaration  of  independence,  as  the  president  and  vice- 
president  both  know,  as  they  were  works  done  from  principle  I  can  not 
dishonor  that  principle  by  ever  asking  any  reward  for  them.  The 
country  has  been  benefited  by  them,  and  I  make  myself  happy  in  the 
knowledge  of  that  benefit.  It  is,  however,  proper  for  me  to  add  that  the 
mere  independence  of  America,  were  it  to  have  been  followed  by  a 
system  of  government  modeled  after  the  corrupt  system  of  the  English 
government,  would  not  have  interested  me  with  the  u abated  ardor  it  did. 
It  was  to  bring  forward  and  establish  a  representative  system  of  govern- 
ment. As  the  work  itself  will  show,  that  was  the  leading  principle 
with  me  in  writing  that  work,  and  all  my  other  works  during  the 
progress  of  the  revolution,  and  I  followed  the  same  principle  in 
writing  in  English  the  "  Rights  of  Man.'' 

After  the  failure  of  the  5  per  cent,  duty  recommended  by  congress  to 
pay  the  interest  of  the  loan  to  be  borrowed  in  Holland,  I  wrote  to 
Chancellor  Livingston,  then  minister  for  foreign  affairs,  and  Robert 
Morris,  minister  of  finance,  and  proposed  a  method  for  getting  over  the 
difficulty  at  once,  which  was  by  adding  a  continental  legislature  which 
should  be  empowered  to  make  laws  for  the  whole  union  instead  of 
recommending  them.  So  the  method  proposed  met  with  their  fui.  ^ 
probation.  I  held  myself  in  reserve  to  take  a  step  up  whenever  a 
lirect  occasion  occurred. 


480         INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

In  a  conversation  afterward  with  GOT.  Clinton,  of  New  York,  ncro 
vice-president,  it  was  judged  that  for  the  purpose  of  iny  going  fully 
into  the  subject,  and  to  prevent  any  misconstruction  of  my  motive  or 
object,  it  would  be  best  that  I  received  nothing  from  congress,  but  to 
leave  it  to  the  states  individually  to  make  me  what  acknowledgment 
they  pleased.  The  State  of  New  York  presented  me  with  a  farm,  which 
since  my  return  to  America,  I  have  found  it  necessary  to  sell,  and  the 
State  of  Pennsylvania  voted  me  £500  of  their  currency,  but  none  of  the 
states  to  the  east  of  New  York,  or  the  south  of  Pennsylvania,  have 
made  me  the  least  acknowledgment.  They  had  received  benefits  from 
me  which  they  accepted,  and  there  the  matter  ended.  This  story  will 
not  tell  well  in  history.  All  the  civilized  world  knows  I  have  been  of 
great  service  to  the  United  States,  and  have  generously  given  away  that 
which  would  easily  have  made  me  a  fortune.  I  much  question  if  an 
instance  is  to  be  found  in  ancient  or  modern  times  of  a  man  who  had 
no  personal  interest  in  the  case  to  take  up  that  of  the  establishment  of 
a  r  'presentative  government,  and  who  sought  neither  place  nor  office 
after  it  was  established ;  that  pursued  the  same  undeviating  principles  that 
I  had  for  more  than  thirty  years,  and  that  in  spite  of  dangers,  difficulties, 
and  inconveniences  of  which  I  have  had  my  share.  THOMAS  PAINE. 

An  old  man  in  Pennsylvania  told  me  once  that  his  father  hired  a 
old  revolutionary  soldier  by  the  name  of  Thomas  Martin  to  work  for 
him.  Martin  was  then  quite  an  old  man ;  and  there  was  an  old  Presby- 
terian preacher  used  to  come  there,  by  the  name  of  Crawford,  and  he  sat 
down  by  the  fire  and  he  got  to  talking  one  night,  among  other  things, 
about  Thomas  Paine — what  a  wretched,  infamous  dog  he  was;  and 
while  he  was  in  the  midst  of  this  conversation  the  old  soldier  rose  from 
the  fireplace,  and  he  walked  over  to  the  preacher,  and  he  said  to  him : 
"  Did  you  ever  see  Thomas  Paine  ?"  "  No."  4<  Well,"  he  says,  "  I  have ; 
I  saw  him  at  Valley  Forge.  I  heard  read  at  the  head  of  every  regiment 
and  company  the  letters  of  Thomas  Paine.  I  heard  them  read  the 
'  Crisis,'  and  I  saw  Thomas  Paine  writing  on  the  head  of  a  drum,  sit- 
ting  at  the  bivouac  fire,  those  simple  words  that  inspired  every  patriot's 
bosom,  and  I  want  to  tell  you  Mr.  Preacher,  that  Thomas  Paine  did 
more  for  liberty  than  any  priest  that  ever  lived  in  this  world. 

And  yet  they  say  he  was  afraid  to  die !  Afraid  of  what  ?  Is  there 
any  God  in  heaven  that  hates  a  patriot  ?  If  there  is  Thomas  Paine 
ought  to  be  afraid  to  die.  Is  there  any  God  that  would  damn  a  man  for 
helping  to  free  three  millions  of  people  ?  If  Thomas  Paine  was  in  hell 
to-night,  and  could  get  God's  attention  long  enough  to  point  him  to  the 
old  banner  of  the  stars  floating  over  America,  God  would  have  to  let 
him  out.  What  would  he  be  afraid  of?  Had  he  ever  burned  anybody  ? 
No.  Had  he  ever  put  anybody  in  the  inquisition?  No.  Ever  put  the 
thumb-screw  on  anybody  ?  No.  Ever  put  anybody  in  prison  so  that 
some  poor  wife  and  mother  would  come  and  hold  her  little  babe  up  at 
the  grated  window  that  the  man  bound  to  the  floor  might  get  one  glimpse 
«f  his  blue-eyed  babe?_  Did  he, ever  dg  that? 


ON  THOMAS  PAINE.  48 1 

Did  he  ever  light  a  fagot?  Did  he  ever  tear  human  %flesh?  Why, 
what  had  he  to  be  afraid  of?  lie  had  helped  to  make  the  world  free. 
He  had  helped  create  the  only  republic  then  on  the  earth.  What  was 
he  afraid  of?  Was  God  a  tory  ?  It  won't  do. 

Oue  would  think  from  the  persistence  with  which  the  orthodox  have 
charged  for  the  last  seventy  years  that  Thomas  Paine  recanted,  that  there 
must  be  some  evidence  of  some  kind  to  support  these  charges.  Even 
with  my  ideas  of  the  average  honor  of  the  believers  in  superstition,  the 
average  truthfulness  of  the  disciples  of  fear,  I  did  not  believe  that  all 
those  infamies  rested  solely  upon  poorly-attested  falsehoods.  I  had 
charity  enough  to  suppose  that  something  had  been  said  or  done  by 
Thomas  Paine  capable  of  being  tortured  into  a  foundation  of  all  these 
calumnies.  What  crime  had  Thomas  Paine  committed  that  he  should 
have  feared  to  die?  The  only  answer  you  can  give  is  Unit  he  denied  the 
inspiration  of  the  scriptures.  If  that  is-  crime,  the  civilized  world  is 
filled  with  criminals  The  pioneers  of  human  thought,  the  intellectual 
leaders  of  this  world,  the  foremost  men  in  every  science,  the  kings  of 
literature  and  art,  those  who  stand  in  the  front  of  investigation,  the  men 
who  are  civilizing  and  elevating  and  refining  mankind,  are  all  un. 
believers  in  the  ignorant  do^ma  of  inspiration. 

Why  should  we  think  Thomas  Paine  was  afraid  to  die?  and  why 
should  the  American  people  malign  the  memory  of  that  great  man? 
He  was  the  first  to  advocate  the  separation  from  the  mother  country- 
He  was  the  first  to  write  these  words:  "The  United  States  of  America." 
Think  of  maligning  that  man  !  He  was  the  first  to  lift  his  voice  against 
liuman  slavery,  and  while  hundreds  and  thousands  of  ministers  all  over 
the  United  States  not  only  believed  in  slavery,  but  bought  and  sold 
women  and  babes  in  the  name  of  Jesus  Christ,  this  infidel,  this  wretch 
who  is  now  burning  in  the  flames  of  hell,  lifted  his  voice  against  human 
slavery  and  said:  "  It  is  robbery,  and  a  slaveholder  is  a  theif;  the 
whipper  of  women  is  a  barbarian;  the  seller  of  a  child  is  a  savage." 
No  wonder  that  the  theiving  hypocrite  of  his  day  hated  him! 

I  have  no  love  for  any  man  who  ever  pretended  to  own  a  human  being. 
I  have  no  love  for  a  man  that  would  sell  a  babe  from  the  mother's  throb- 
bing, heaving,  agonized  breast.  I  have  no  respect  for  a  man  who 
considered  a  lash  on  the  naked  back  as  a  legal  tender  for  labor  performed. 
So  write  it  down,  Thomas  Paine  was  the  first  great  abolitionist  of 
America 

Now  let  me  tell  you  another  thing.  He  was  the  first  man  to  raise  his 
voice  for  the  abolition  of  the  death  penalty  in  the  French  convention. 
What  more  did  he  do?  He  was  the  first  to  suggest  a  federal  constitu- 
tion for  the  United  States.  He  saw  that  the  old  articles  of  confederation 


482  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

were  nothing;  that  they  were  ropes  of  water  and  chains  of  mist,  and  h« 
said,  "  We  want  a  federal  constitution  so  that  when  you  pass  a  law  raig. 
ing  5  per  cent,  you  can  make  the  states  pay  it.''  Let  us  give  him  his 
due.  What  were  all  these  preachers  doing  at  that  time  ? 

He  hated  superstition;  he  loved  the  truth.  He  hated  tyranny;  he 
loved  liberty.  He  was  tho  friend  of  the  human  race.  He  lived  a  brave 
and  thoughtful  life.  He  was  a  good  and  true  and  generous  man,  and 
lie  died  as  he  lived.  Like  a  great  and  peaceful  river  with  srreen  and 
shaded  banks,  without  a  murmur,  without  a  ripple,  he  flowed  into  the 
waveless  ocean  of  eternal  peace.  I  love  him;  I  love  every  man  who 
gave  me,  or  helped  to  give  me  the  liberty  I  enjoy  to-night;  I  love  every 
man  who  helped  me  put  our  flag  in  heaven.  I  love  every  man  who  has 
lilted  his  voice  in  any  age  for  liberty,  fora  cha'mless  body  and  a  fetterless 
brain.  I  love  every  man  who  has  given  to  every  other  human  being 
every  right  that  he  claimed  for  himself.  I  love  every  man  who  has 
thought  more  of  principle  than  he  has  of  position.  I  love  the  men  who 
have  trampled  crowns  beneath  their  feet  that  they  might  do  something 
for  mankind,  and  for  that  reason  I  love  Thomas  Paine. 

I  thank  you  all,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  every  one — every  one,  toe  *&* 
Attention  you  have  given  me  this  evening. 


INGEKSOLL'S    LECTUKE 

— ON— 

LIBERTY    OF   MAN,  WOMAN   AND   CHILD, 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN:  In  my  judgment  slavery  is 
the  child  of  ignorance.  Liberty  is  born  of  intelligence. 
Only  a  few  years  ago  there  was  a  great  awakening  in  the 
human  mind,  Men  began  to  inquire,  By  what  right  does 
a  crowned  robber  make  me  work  for  him?  The  man 
who  asked  this  question  was  called  a  traitor.  Others 
said,  by  what  right  does  a  robed  priest  rob  me?  That 
man  was  called  an  infidel.  And  whenever  he  asked  a 
question  of  that  kind,  the  clergy  protested.  When  they 
found  that  the  earth  was  round,  the  clergy  protested; 
when  they  found  that  the  stars  were  not  made  out  of  the 
scraps  that  were  left  over  on  the  sixth  day  of  'creation, 
but  were  really  great,  shining,  wheeling  worlds,  the 
clergy  protested  and  said:  "  When  is  this  spirit  of  inves- 
tigation to  stop?  "  They  said  then,  and  they  say  now, 
that  it  is  dangerous  for  the  mind  of  man  to  be  free.  I 
deny  it.  Out  on  the  intellectual  sea  there  is  room 

483 


484  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

for  every  sail.  In  the  intellectual  air,  there  is  space 
enough  for  every  wing.  And  the  man  who  does  not  do 
his  own  thinking  is  a  slave,  and  does  not  do  his  duty  to 
his  fellow  men.  For  one,  I  expect  to  do  my  own 
thinking.  And  I  will  take  my  own  oath  this  minute  that 
I  will  express  what  thoughts  I  have,  honestly  and  sin- 
cerely. I  am  the  slave  ol  no  man  and  of  no  organiza- 
tion. I  stand  under  the  blue  sky  and  the  stars,  under 
the  infinite  flag  of  nature,  the  peer  of  every  human  be- 
ing. Standing  as  I  do  in  the  presence  of  the  Unknown, 
I  have  the  same  right  to  guess  as  though  I  had  been 
through  five  theological  seminary.  I  have  as  much  in- 
terest in  the  great  absorbing  questions  of  origin  and  des- 
tiny as  though  I  had  D.D.,  L.  L.  D.  at  the  end  of  my 
name. 

All  I  claim,  all  I  plead  is  simple  liberty  of  thought. 
That  is  all.  I  do  not  pretend  to  tell  what  is  true  and 
all  the  truth.  I  do  not  claim  that  I  have  floated  level 
with  the  heights  of  thought,  or  that  I  have  descended  to 
the  depths  of  things;  I  simply  claim  that  what  ideal  have 
I  have  a  right  to  express,  and  any  man  that  denies  it  to 
me  is  an  intellectual  thief  and  robber.  That  is  all.  I 
say,  take  those  chains  off  from  the  human  soul;  I  say, 
break  these  orthodox  fetters,  and  if  there  are  wings  to 
the  spirit  let  them  be  spread.  That  is  all  I  say.  And  I 
ask  you  if  I  have  not  the  same  right  to  think  that  any 
other  human  has?  If  I  have  no  right  to  think,  why 
have  I  such  a  thing  as  a  thinker.  Why  have  I  a 
brain?  And  if  I  have  no  right  to  think,  who  has?  If 
I  have  lost  my  right,  Mr.  Smith,  where  did  you 
find  yours?  If  I  have  no  right,  have  three  or  four 
men  or  300  or  400,  who  get  together  and  sign  a  card 


LIBERTY.  485 

and  build  a  house  and  put  a  steeple  on  it  with  a  bell  in 
it — have  they  any  more  right  to  think  than  they  had  be- 
fore? That  is  the  question .  And  I  am  sick  of  the  whip 
and  lash  in  the  region  of  mind  and  intellect.  And  I  say 
to  these  men,  '-Let  us  alone.  Do  your  own  think- 
ing; express  your  own  thoughts."  And  I  want  to  say  to- 
night that  I  claim  no  right  that  I  am  not  willing  to  give 
to  every  other  human  being  beneath  the  stars — none 
whatever.  And  I  will  fight  to-night  for  the  right  of 
those  who  disagree  with  me  to  express  their  thoughts 
just  as  soon  as  I  will  fight  for  my  owu  right  to  express 
mine. 

In  the  good  old  times,  our  fathers  had  an  idea  that 
they  could  make  people  believe  to  suit  them.  Our  an- 
cestors in  the  ages  that  are  gone  really  believed  that  by 
force  you  could  convince  a  man.  You  cannot  change 
the  conclusion  of  the  brain  by  force,  but  I  will  tell  you 
what  you  can  do  by  force,  and  what  you  have  done  by 
force.  You  can  make  hypocrites  by  the  million.  You 
can  make  a  man  say  that  he  has  changed  his  mind,  but 
he  remains  of  the  same  opinion  still.  Put  fetters  all 
over  him;  crush  his  feet  in  iron  boots;  lash  him  to  the 
stock;  burn  him  if  you  please,  but  his  ashes  are  of  the 
same  opinion  still.  I  say  our  fathers,  in  the  good  old 
times — and  the  best  thing  I  can  say  about  them  is,  they 
are  dead — they  had  an  idea  they  could  force  men  to 
think  their  way,  and  do  you  know  that  idea  is  still  prev- 
lent  even  in  this  country?  Do  you  know  they  think 
they  can  make  a  man  think  their  way  if  they  say, 
,,  We  will  not  trade  with  that  man;  we  won't 
vote  for  that  man;  we  won't  hire  him,  if  he  is  a 
lawyer;  we  will  die  before  we  take  his  medicine,  if  he  is  a 


486  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

doctor,  we  won't  invite  him;  we  will  socially  ostracise 
him;  he  must  come  to  our  church;  he  must  thiuk  our 
way  or  he  is  not  a  gentleman.  There  is  much  of  that 
even  in  this  blessed  country — not  excepting  the  city  of 
Albany  itself. 

Now  in  the  old  times  of  which  I  have  spoken,  they 
said,  "We  can  make  all  men  think  alike."  All  the  me- 
chanical ingenuity  of  this  earth  cannot  make  two  clocks 
run  alike,  and  how  are  you  going  to  make  millions  of 
people  of  different  quantities  and  qualities  and  amount 
of  brain,  clad  in  this  living  robe  of  passionate  flesh — how 
are  you  going  to  make  millions  of  them  think  alike?  If 
the  infinite  God,  if  there  is  one,  who  made  us,  wished  us 
to  think  alike,  why  did  he  give  a  spoonful  of  brains  to 
one  man,  and  a  bushel  to  another?  Why  is  it  that  we 
have  all  degrees  of  humanity,  from  the  idiot  to  the 
genius,  if  it  was  intended  that  all  should  think  alike  ?  I 
say  our  fathers  concluded  they  would  do  this  by  force, 
and  I  used  to  read  in  books  how  they  persecuted  man- 
kind, and  do  you  know  I  never  appreciated  it;  I  did  not. 
I  read  it,  but  it  did  not  burn  itself,  as  it  were,  into  my 
very  soul  what  infamies  had  been  committed  in  the  name 
of  religion,  and  I  never  fully  appreciated  it  until  a  little 
while  ago  I  saw  the  iron  arguments  our  fathers  used  to 
use.  I  tell  you  the  reason  we  are  through  that,  is,  be- 
cause we  have  better  brains  than  our  fathers  had.  Since 
that  day  we  have  become  intellectually  developed,  and 
there  is  more  real  brain  and  real  good  sense  in  the  world 
to-day  than  in  any  other  period  of  its  history,  and  that  is 
the  reason  we  have  more  liberty,  that  is  the  rea- 
son we  have  more  kindness.  But  I  say  I  saw  these 
iron  arguments  our  fathers  used  to  use.  I  saw 


LIBERTY.  487 

there  the  thumb-screw — two  little  innocent  looking 
pieces  of  iron,  armed  on  the  inner  surface  with  protuber- 
ences  to  prevent  their  slipping — and  when  some  man  de- 
nied the  efficacy  of  baptism,  or  may  be  said,  "  I  do  not 
believe  that  the  whale  ever  swallowed  a  man  to  keep  him 
from  drowning,"  then  they  put  these  pieces  ot  iron  upon 
his  thumb,  and  there  was  a  screw  at  each  end,  and  then, 
in  the  name  of  love  and  forgiveness,  they  began  screw- 
ing these  pieces  of  iron  together.  A  great  many  men, 
when  they  commenced,  would  say,  "  I  recant."  I  ex- 
pect I  would  have  been  one  of  them.  I  would  have 
said,  "Now  you  just  stop  that;  I  will  admit  anything  on 
earth  that  you  want.  I  will  admit  there  is  one  god  or  a 
million,  one  hell  or  a  billion;  sutt  yourselves,  but  stop 
that."  But  I  want  to  say,  the  thumbscrew  having  got 
out  of  the  way,  I  am  going  to  have  my  say. 

There  was  now  and  then  some  man  who  wouldn't  turn 
Judas  Iscariot  to  his  own  soul;  there  was  now  and  then 
a  man  willing  to  die  for  his  conviction,  and  if  it  were  not 
for  such  men  we  would  be  savages  to-night.  Had  it  not 
been  for  a  few  brave  and  heroic  souls  in  every  age,  we 
would  have  been  naked  savages  this  moment,  with  pic- 
tures of  wild  beasts  tattoed  upon  our  naked  breasts, 
dancing  around  a  dried  snake  fetish;  and  I  to-night  thank 
every  good  and  noble  man  who  stood  up  in  the  face  of 
opposition,  and  hatred,  and  death  for  what  he  believed 
to  be  right.  And  then  they  screwed  this  thumbscrew 
down  as  far  as  they  could  and  threw  him  into  some 
dungeon,  where,  in  throbbing  misery  and  the  darkness 
of  night,  he  dreams  of  the  damned;  but  that  was  done 
in  the  name  of  universal  love. 

I  saw  there  at  the    same    time    what  they  called  the 


488  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

4<  collar  of  torture."  Imagine  a  circle  of  iron,  and  on  the 
inside  of  that  more  than  a  hundred  points  as  sharp  as 
needles.  This  being  fastened  upon  the  throat,  the  suf- 
ferer could  not  sit  down,  he  could  not  walk,  he  could 
not  stir  without  being  punctured  by  those  needles,  and  in 
a  little  while  the  throat  would  begin  to  swell,  and  finally 
suffocation  would  end  the  agonies  of  that  man,  when 
may  be  the  only  crime  he  had  committed  was  to  say, 
with  tears  upon  his  sublime  cheeks,  "  I  do  not  believe 
that  God,  the  father  of  us  all,  will  damn  to  eternal  pun- 
ishment any  of  the  children  of  men."  Think  of  it! 

And  I  saw  there  at  the  same  time  another  instrument, 
called  "  the  scavenger's  daughter,"  which  resembles  a 
pair  of  shears,  with  handles  where  handles  ought  to  be, 
but  at  the  points  as  well.  And  just  above  the  pivot  that 
fastens  the  blades,  a  circle  of  iron  through  which  the 
hands  would  be  placed,  into  the  lower  circles  the  feet, 
and  into  the  center  circle  the  head  would  be  pushed,  and 
in  that  position  he  would  be  thrown  prone  upon  the 
earth,  and  kept  there  until  the  strain  upon  the  muscles 
produced  such  agony  that  insanity  and  death  would  end 
his  pain.  And  that  was  done  in  the  name  of  "Who- 
soever smiteth  thee  upon  one  cheek,  turn  him  the  other 
also."  Think  of  it! 

And  I  saw  also  the  rack,  with  the  windlass  and  chains, 
upon  which  the  sufferer  was  laid.  About  his  ankles 
were  fastened  chains,  and  about  his  wrists  also,  and  then 
priests  began  turning  this  windlass,  and  they  kept  turn- 
ing until  the  ankles,  the  shoulders  and  the  wrists  were 
all  dislocated,  arid  the  sufferer  was  wet  with  the  sweat 
of  agony.  And  they  had  standing  by  a  physician  to  feel 
his  pulse.  What  for?  To  save  his  life?  Yes.  What 


LIBERTY.  489 

for?  In  mercy?  No.  Simply  that  they  might  preserve 
his  life,  that  they  might  rack  him  once  again.  And  this 
was  done — recollect  it — it  was  done  in  the  name  of  civ- 
ilization, it  was  done  in  the  name  of  law  and  order,  it 
was  done  in  the  name  of  morality,  it  was  done  in  the 
name  of  religion,  it  was  done  in  the  name  of  God. 

Sometimes  when  I  get  to  reading  about  it,  and  when  I 
get  to  thinking  about  it,  it  seems  to  me  that  I  have  suf- 
fered all  these  horrors  myself,  as  though  I  had  stood 
upon  the  shore  of  exile  and  gazed  with  a  tear-filled  eye 
toward  home  and  native  land;  as  though  my  nails  had 
been  torn  from  my  hands,  and  into  my  throat  the  sharp 
needles  had  been  thrust;  as  though  my  feet  had  been 
crushed  in  iron  boots;  as  though  I  had  been  chained  in 
the  cells  of  the  Inquisition,  and  had  watched  and  waited 
in  the  interminable  darkness  to  hear  the  words  of  release; 
as  thongh  I  had  been  taken  from  my  fireside,  from  my 
wife  and  children,  and  taken  to  the  public  square,  chained, 
and  fagots  had  been  piled  around  me;  as  though  the 
flames  had  played  around  my  limbs,  and  scorched  the 
sight  from  my  eyes;  as  though  my  ashes  had  been  scat- 
tered to  the  four  winds  by  the  hands  of  hatred;  as  though 
I  had  stood  upon  the  scaffold  and  felt  the  glittering  ax 
fall  upon  me.  And  while  I  feel  and  see  all  this,  I  swear 
that  while  I  live  I  will  do  what  little  I  can  to  augment 
the  liberty  of  man,  woman  and  child. 

My  friends,  it  is  all  a  question  of  sense;  it  is  all  a  ques- 
tion of  honesty.  If  there  is  a  man  in  this  house  who  is 
not  willing  to  give  to  everybody  else  what  he  claims  for 
himself  he  is  just  so  much  nearer  to  the  barbarian  than 
I  am.  It  is  a  simple  question  of  honesty;  and  the  man 
who  is  not  willing  to  give  to  every  other  human  being  the 


490  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

same  intellectual  rights  he  claims  himself  is  a  rascal, 
and  you  know  it.  It  is  a  simple  question.  I  say,  of  in- 
tellectual development  and  of  honesty.  And  I  want  to 
say  it  now,  so  you  will  see  it.  You  show  me  the  narrow, 
contracted  man;  you  show  me  the  man  who  claims  every- 
thing for  himself  and  leaves  nothing  for  others,  and  that 
man  has  got  a  distorted  and  deformed  brain.  That  is 
the  matter  with  him.  He  has  no  sense;  not  a  bit.  Let 
me  show  you. 

A  little  while  ago  I  saw  models  of  everything  man  has 
made  for  his  use  and  for  his  convenience.  I  saw  all  the 
models  of  all  the  watercraft,  from  the  dug-out,  in  which 
floated  a  naked  savage — one  of  our  ancestors—  a  naked 
savage,  with  teeth  two  inches  long,  with  a  spoonful  of 
brains  in  the  back  of  his  head;  I  saw  the  watercraft  of 
the  world,  from  that  dug-out  up  to  a  man-of-war  that 
carries  a  hundred  guns  and  miles  of  canvas;  from  that 
dug-out  to  the  steamship  that  turns  its  brave  prow  from 
the  port  of  New  York  through  3,000  miles  ot  billows, 
with  a  compass  like  a  conscience,  that  does  not  miss 
throb  or  beat  of  its  mighty  iron  heart  from  one  shore  to 
the  other.  I  saw  at  the  same  time  the  weapons  that 
man  has  made,  from  a  rude  club,  such  as  was  grasped  by 
that  savage  when  he  crawled  from  his  den,  from  his 
hole  in  the  ground,  and  hunted  a  snake  for  his  dinner — 
from  that  club  to  the  boomerang,  to  the  sword,  to  the 
cross-bow,  to  the  blunderbus,  to  the  flint-lock,  to  the 
cap-lock,  to  the  needle-gun,  up  *to  the  cannon  cast  by 
Krupp,  capable  of  hurling  a  ball  of  2,000  pounds  through 
eighteen  inches  of  solid  steel.  I  saw,  too,  the  arrno? 
from  the  turtle-shell  that  our  ancestor  lashed  upon  hii 
skin  when  he  went  out  to  ffght  for  his  country,  to  the 


LIBERTY.  491 

skin  of  the  porcupine,  with  the  quills  all  bristling,  which 
he  pulled  over  his  orthodox  head  to  defend  himself  from 
his  enemies — I  mean,  of  course,  the  orthodox  head  of 
that  day — up  to  the  shirts  of  mail  that  were  worn  in  the 
middle  ages,  capable  of  resisting  the  edge  of  the  sword 
and  the  point  of  the  spear;  up  to  the  iron-clad,  to  the 
monitor  completely  clad  in  steel,  capable  only  a  few 
years  ago  of  defying  the  navies  of  the  globe. 

I  saw  at  the  same  time  the  musical  instruments,  from 
the  tomtom,  which  is  a  hoop  with  a  couple  of  strings  of 
rawhide  drawn  across  it — from  that  tomtom  up  to  the 
instruments  we  have  to-day,  which  make  the  common 
air  blossom  with  melody.  I  saw,  too,  the  paintings, 
from  the  daub  of  yellow  mud  up  to  the  pieces  which  adorn 
the  galleries  of  the  world.  And  the  sculpture,  from  the 
rude  gods,  with  six  legs  and  a  half  dozen  arms,  and  the 
rows  of  ears,  up  to  the  sculpture  of  now,  wherein  the 
marble  is  clad  with  such  loveliness  that  it  seems  almost 
a  sacrilege  to  touch  it;  and  in  addition  I  saw  there  ideas 
of  books — books  written  upon  skins  of  wild  beasts, 
books  written  upon  shoulder-blades  of  sheep;  books  writ- 
ten upon  leaves,  upon  bark,  up  to  the  splendid  volumes 
that  adorn  the  libraries  of  our  time.  When  I  think  of 
libraries,  I  think  of  the  remark  of  Plato,  ' '  The  house 
that  has  a  library  in  it  has  a  soul." 

I  saw  there  all  these  things,  and  also  the  implements 
of  agriculture,  from  a  crooked  stick  up  to  the  plow  which 
makes  it  possible  for  a  man  to  cultivate  the  soil  without 
being  an  ignoranris.  I  saw  at  the  same  time  a  row  of 
skulls,  from  the  lowest  skull  that  has  ever  been  found; 
skulls  from  the  central  portion  of  Africa,  skulls  from  the 
bushmen  of  Australia,  up  to  the  best  skulls  of  the  last 
generation. 


492  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

And  I  notice  that  there  was  the  same  difference  be- 
tween those  skulls  that  there  is  between  the  products  of 
those  skulls.  And  I  said  to  myself:  "  It  is  all  a  question 
of  intellectual  development.  It  is  a  question  of  brain 
and  sinew."  I  noticed  that  there  was  the  same  differ- 
ence between  those  skulls  that  there  was  between  that 
dug-out,  and  that  man-of-war  and  that  steamship.  That 
skull  was  low.  It  had  not  a  forehead  a  quarter  of  an 
inch  high.  But  shortly  after,  the  skulls  became  doming 
and  crowning,  and  getting  higher  and  grander.  That 
skull  was  a  den  in  which  crawlee  the  base  and  meaner 
instincts  of  mankind,  and  this  skull  was  a  temple  in 
which  dwelt  joy,  liberty  and  love.  So  said  I:  "This  is 
all  a  question  of  brain,  and  anything  that  tends  to  de- 
velop, intellectually,  mankind,  is  the  gospel  we  want." 

Now  I  want  te  be  honest  with  you.  Honor  bright! 
Nothing  like  it  in  the  world!  No  matter  what  I  believe. 
Now,  let  us  be  honest.  Suppose  a  king,  if  there  was  a 
king  at  the  time  this  gentleman  floated  in  the  dug-out 
and  charmed  his  ears  with  the  music  of  the  tomtom; 
suppose  the  king  at  that  time,  if  there  was  one,  and  the 
priest,  if  there  was  one,  had  said:  "That  dug-out  is  the 
best  boat  that  ever  can  be  built.  The  pattern  of  that 
came  from  on  high,  and  any  man  who  says  he  can  im- 
prove it,  by  putting  a  log  or  a  stick  in  the  bottom  of  it, 
with  a  rag  on  the  end,  is  an  infidel."  Honor  bright, 
what,  in  your  judgment,  wonld  have  been  the  effect  upon 
the  circumnavigation  of  the  globe?  That  is  the  question. 
Suppose  the  king,  if  there  was  one,  and  the  priest,  if 
there  was  one — and  I  presume  there  was,  because  it  was 
a  very  ignorant  age — suppose  they  had  said:  "That  tom- 
tom is  the  most  miraculous  instrument  of  music  that  any 


LIBERTY.  493 

man  can  conceive  of;  that  is  the  kind  of  music  they  have 
in  heaven.  An  angel,  sitting  upon  the  golden  edge  of  a 
fleecy  cloud,  playing  upon  that  tomtom,  became  so  en- 
raptured, so  entranced  with  her  own  music,  that  she 
dropped  it,  and  that  is  how  we  got  it — and  any  man  that 
says  that  it  can  be  improved  by  putting  a  back  and  front 
to  it,  and  four  strings  and  a  bridge  on  it,  and  getting 
some  horsehair  and  resin,  is  no  better  than  one  of  the 
weak  and  unregenerate. " 

I  ask  you  what  effect  would  that  have  had  upon  mu- 
sic? I  ask  you,  honor  bright,  if  that  course  had  been 
pursued,  would  the  human  ears  ever  have  been  enriched 
witn  the  divine  symphonies  of  Beethoven?  That  is  th* 
question.  And  suppose  the  king,  if  there  was  one,  and 
the  priest  had  said:  * '  That  crooked  stick  is  the  best  plow 
we  can  ever  have  invented.  The  pattern  of  that  plow 
was  given  to  a  pious  farmer  in  a  holy  dream,  and  that 
twisted  straw  is  the  ne  plus  ultra  of  all  twisted  things; 
and  any  man  who  says  he  can  make  an  improvement, 
we  will  twist  him."  Honor  bright,  what,  in  your  judg- 
ment, would  have  been  the  effect  upon  the  agricultural 
world? 

Now,  you  see,  the  people  said,  "We  want  better  weap- 
ons with  which  to  kill  our  enemies;"  the  people  said, 
"  we  want  better  plows;"  the  people  said,  "we  want 
better  music;"  the  people  said,  "we  want  better  paint- 
ings; "  and  they  said,  ' '  whoever  will  give  us  better  plows, 
and  better  arms,  and  better  paintings,  and  better  music, 
we  will  give  him  honor;  we  will  crown  him  with  glory; 
we  will  robe  him  in  the  garments  of  wealth;  "  and  every 
incentive  has  been  held  ont  to  every  human  being  to  im- 
prove something  in  every  direction.  And  that  is  the 


494  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

reason  the  club  is  a  cannon;  that  the  reason  the  dug- 
out is  a  steamship;  that  the  reason  the  daub  is  a  paint- 
ing, and  that  is  the  reason  that  that  piece  of  stone  has 
finally  become  a  glorified  statue. 

Now,  then,  this  fellow  in  the  dug-out  had  a  religion. 
That  fellow  was  orthodox.  He  had  no  doubt;  he  was 
settled  in  his  mind.  He  did  not  wish  to  be  insulted.  He 
wanted  the  bark  of  his  soul  to  lie  at  the  wharf  of  ortho- 
doxy, and  rot  in  the  sun.  He  wanted  to  hear  the  sails 
of  old  opinions  flap  against  the  mast  of  old  creeds.  He 
wanted  to  see  the  joints  in  the  sides  open  and  gape,  as 
though  thirsty  for  water,  and  he  said:  "  Now  don't  dis- 
turb my  opinions;  you'll  get  my  mind  unsettled;  I  have 
got  it  all  made  up,  and  I  don't  want  to  hear  any  infidel- 
ity, either.'"  As  far  as  I  am  concerned,  I  want  to  be 
out  on  the  high  sea;  I  want  to  take  my  chance  with  wind 
and  wave  and  star;  and  I  had  rather  go  down  in  the 
glory  and  grandeur  of  the  storm  than  to  rot  at  any  ortho- 
dox wharf.  Of  course  I  mean  by  orthodoxy  all  that 
don't  agree  with  my  doxy.  Do  you  understand? 

Now  this  man  had  a  religion.  That  fellow  believed 
in  hell.  Yes,  sir;  and  he  thought  he  wonld  be  happier 
in  heaven  if  he  could  just  lean  over  and  see  certain  peo- 
ple that  he  disliked,  broiled.  That  fellow  has  had  a 
great  many  intellectual  descendents.  It  is  an  unhappy 
fact  in  nature  that  the  ignorant  multiply  much  faster 
than  the  intellectual.  This  fellow  believed  in  the  devil, 
and  his  devil  had  a  cloven  hoof.  (Many  people  think  I 
have  the  same  kind  of  footing.)  He  had  a  long  tail, 
armed  with  a  fiery  dart,  and  he  breathed  brimstone. 
And  do  you  know  there  has  not  been  a  patentable  im- 
provement made  on  that  devil  for  4,000  years?  That 


LIBERTY.  495 

fellow  believed  that  God  was  a  tyrant.  That  fellow  be- 
lieved that  the  earth  was  flat.  That  fellow  believed,  as 
I  told  you,  in  a  literal  burning,  seething  lake  of  fire  and 
brimstone.  That  is  what  he  believed  in.  That  fellow, 
too,  had  his  idea  of  politics,  and  his  idea  was,  "Might 
makes  right."  And  it  will  take  thousands  of  years  be- 
fore the  world  will  behevingly  say,  ' '  Right  makes  might. " 

Now  all  I  ask  is  the  same  privilege  of  improving  on 
that  gentleman'e  theology  as  upon  his  musical  instru- 
ment; the  same  right  to  improve  upon  his  politics  as 
upon  his  dug-out.  That  is  all.  I  ask  for  the  human 
soul  the  same  liberty  in  every  direction.  And  that  is 
all.  That  is  the  only  crime  that  I  have  committed. 
That  is  all.  I  say,  let  us  have  a  chance.  Let  us  think, 
and  let  each  one  express  his  thoughts.  Let  us  become 
investigators,  not  followers;  not  cringers  and  crawlers. 
If  there  is  in  heaven  an  infinite  being,  he  never  will  be 
satisfied  with  the  worship  of  cowards  and  hypocrites. 
Honest  unbelief  will  be  a  perfume  in  heaven  when  hypoc- 
risy, no  matter  however  religious  it  may  be  outwardly, 
will  be  a  stench,  That  is  my  doctrine.  That  is  all 
there  is  to  it;  give  every  other  human  being  all  the 
chance  you  claim  for  yourself.  To  keep  your  mind 
open  to  the  voices  of  nature,  to  new  ideas,  to  new 
thoughts,  and  to  improve  upon  your  doctrine  whenever 
you  can;  that  is  my  doctrine. 

Do  you  know  we  are  improving  all  the  time?  Do  you 
know  that  the  most  orthodox  people  in  this  town  to-day, 
three  hundred  years  ago  would  have  been  burned  for 
heresy?  Do  you  know  some  ministers  who  denounce 
me  would  have  been  in  the  Inquisition  themselves  two 
hundred  years  ago?  Do  you  know  where  once  boirned 


496  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

and  blazed  the  bivouac  fires  of  the  army  of  progress,  the 
altars  of  the  church  glow  to-day?  Do  you  know  that  the 
church  to-day  occupies  about  the  same  ground  that  un- 
believers did  one  hundred  years  ago?  Do  you  know  that 
while  they  have  followed  this  army  of  progress,  protest- 
ing and  denouncing,  they  have  had  to  keep  within  pro- 
testing and  denouncing  distance,  but  they  have  followed 
it?  They  have  been  the  men,  let  me  say,  in  the  valley; 
the  men  in  swamps,  shouting  to  and  cursing  the  pio- 
neers on  the  hills;  the  men  upon  whose  forehead  was  the 
light  of  the  coming  dawn,  the  coming  day — but  they 
have  advanced.  In  spite  of  themselves,  they  have  ad- 
vanced! If  they  had  not,  I  would  not  speak  here  to- 
night. If  they  had  not,  not  a  solitary  one  of  you  could 
have  expressed  your  real  and  honest  thought.  But  we 
are  advancing,  and  we  are  beginning  to  hold  all  kinds  of 
slavery  in  utter  contempt;  do  you  know  that?  And  we 
are  beginning  to  question  wealth  and  power;  we  are 
questioning  all  creeds  and  all  dogmas;  and  we  are  not 
bowing  down,  as  we  used  to,  to  a  man  simply  because  he 
is  in  the  robe  of  a  clergyman,  and  we  are  not  bowing 
down  to  a  man  now  simply  because  he  is  a  king.  No! 
We  are  not  bowing  down  simply  because  he  is  rich.  We 
used  to  worship  the  golden  calves,  but  we  do  not  now. 
The  worst  you  can  say  of  an  American,  is,  he  worships 
the  gold  of  the  calf,  not  the  calf;  and  even  the  calves 
are  beginning  to  see  this  distinction. 

It  no  longer  fills  the  ambition  of  a  man  to  be  emperor 
or  king.  The  last  Napoleon  was  not  satisfied  with  being 
Emperor  of  the  French;  he  was  not  satisfied  with  hav- 
ing a  circlet  of  gold  about  his  head;  he  wanted  some  ev- 
idence that  he  had  something  within  his  head,  so  he  wrote 


LIBERTY.  497 

the  life  of  Julius  Caesar,  that  he  might  become  a  member 
of  the  French  Academy.  Compare,  for  instance,  in  the 
German  Empire,  King  William  and  Bismarck.  King 
William  is  the  one  anointed  of  the  most  high,  as  they 
claim — the  one  upon  whose  head  has  been  poured  the 
divine  petroleum  of  authority.  Compare  him  with  Bis- 
marck, who  towers,  an  intellectual  Colossus,  above  this 
man.  Go  into  England  and  compare  George  Eliot  with 
Queen  Victoria — Queen  Victoria,  clothed  in  the  gar- 
ments given  to  her  by  blind  fortune  and  by  chance. 
George  Elliot,  robed  in  garments  of  glory,  woven  in  the 
loom  of  her  own  genius.  Which  does  the  world  pay 
respect  to?  I  tell  you  we  are  advancing!  The  pulpit 
does  not  do  all  the  thinking;  the  pews  do  it;  nearly  all 
of  it.  The  world  is  advancing,  and  we  question  the  au- 
thority of  those  men  who  simply  say  "  it  is  so."  Down 
upon  your  knees  and  admit  it! 

When  I  think  of  how  much  this  world  has  suffered,  I 
am  amazed-  when  I  think  of  how  long  our  fathers  were 
slaves,  I  am  amazed.  Why,  just  think  of  it!  This 
world  has  only  been  fit  for  a  gentleman  to  live  in  fifty 
years.  No,  it  has  not.  It  was  not  until  the  year  1808 
that  Great  Britain  abolished  the  slave  trade.  Up  to 
that  time  her  judge,  sitting  upon  the  bench  in  the  name 
of  justice;  her  priests,  occupying  the  pulpit  in  the  name 
of  universal  love,  owned  stock  in  slave  ships  and  lux- 
uriated in  the  profits  of  piracy  and  murder.  It  was  not 
until  the  year  1808  that  the  United  States  abolished  the 
slave  trade  between  this  and  other  countries,  but  pre- 
served it  as  between  the  States.  It  wras  not  until  the 
28th  day  of  August,  1833,  that  Great  Britain  abolished 
human  slavery  in  her  colonies;  and  it  was  not  until  the 


498  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

1st  day  of  January,  1863,  that  Abraham  Lincoln  wiped 
from  our  flag  the  stigma  of  disgrace.  Abraham  Lincoln 
— in  my  judgment,  the  grandest  man  ever  president  of 
the  United  States,  and  upon  whose  monument  these 
words  could  truthfully  be  written:  "Here  lies  the  only 
man  in  the  history  of  the  world  who,  having  been  clothed 
with  almost  absolute  power,  never  abused  it  except  on 
the  side  of  mercy." 

Think,  I  say,  how  long  we  clung  to  the  institution  of 
human  slavery;  how  long  lashes  upon  the  naked  back 
were  the  legal  tender  for  labor  performed!  Think  of  it! 
when  the  pulpit  of  this  country  deliberately  and  willfully 
changed  the  Cross  of  Christ  into  the  whipping-post. 
Think  of  it!  And  tell  me  then  if  I  am  right  when  I  say 
this  world  has  only  been  fit  for  a  gentleman  to  live  in 
fifty  years.  I  hate  with  every  drop  of  my  blood  every 
form  of  tyranny.  I  hate  every  form  of  slavery.  I  hate 
dictation — I  want  something  like  liberty;  and  what  do  I 
mean  by  that?  The  right  to  do  anything  that  does  not 
interfere  with  the  happiness  of  another,  physically.  Lib- 
erty of  thought  includes  the  right  to  think  right  and  the 
right  to  think  wrong.  Why?  Because  that  is  the  means 
by  which  we  arrive  at  truth;  for  if  we  knew  the  truth 
before,  we  needn't  think.  Those  men  who  mistake  their 
ignorance  for  facts,  never  do  think.  You  may  say  to 
me,  "How  far  is  it  across  this  room?"  I  say  100  feet. 
Suppose  it  is  105;  have  I  committed  any  crime?  I 
made  the  best  guess  I  could.  You  ask  me  about  any 
thing;  1  examine  it  honestly,  and  when  I  get  through, 
what  should  I  tell  you — what  I  think  or  what  you  think? 
What  should  I  do?" 

There  is  a  book  put  in  my  hands.  They  say  "That  is 


LIBERTY.  499 

the  koran;  that  was  written  by  inspiration;  read  it."  I 
read  it.  Chapter  VII,  entitled  "The  Cow;"  chapter 
IX,  entitled  "The  Bee,"  and  so  on.  I  read  it.  When 
I  get  through  with  it,  suppose  I  think  in  my  heart  and 
in  my  brain,  "I  don't  believe  a  word  of  it;  "  and  you 
ask  me,  "  What  do  you  think  of  it?"  Now,  admitting 
that  I  live  in  Turkey,  and  have  a  chance  to  get  an 
office,  what  should  I  say?  Now,  honor  bright,  should  I 
just  make  a  clean  breast  of  it  and  say  •"  Upon  my  honor, 
I  don't  believe  it?"  Then  is  it  right  for  you  to  say 
"That  fellow  will  steal — that  fellow  is  a  dangerous  man 
— he  is  a  robber? "  Now,  suppose  I  read  the  book 
called  the  bible  (and  I  read  it,  honor  bright),  and  when  I 
get  through  with  it  I  make  up  my  mind  that  book  was 
written  by  men;  and  along  comes  the  preacher  of  my 
church,  and  he  says  "Did  you  read  that  book?"  "I 
did."  "  Do  you  think  it  is  divinely  inspired?"  I  say  to 
myself,  "  Now  if  I  say  it  is  not,  they  will  never  send  me 
to  Congress  from  this  district  on  earth."  Now,  honor 
bright,  what  ought  I  to  do?  Ought  I  to  say,  "I  have 
read  it.  I  have  been  honest  about  it;  don't  believe  it?" 
Now,  ought  I  to  say  that,  if  that  is  a  real  transcript  of 
my  mind,  or  ought  I  to  commence  hemming  and  hawing 
and  pretend  that  I  do  believe  it,  and  go  away  with  the 
respect  of  that  man,  hating  myself  for  a  cringing  coward? 
Now  which?  For  my  part  I  would  rather  a  man  would 
tell  me  what  he  honestly  thinks,  and  he  will  preserve  his 
manhood.  I  had  rather  be  a  manly  unbeliever  than  an 
unmanly  believer.  I  think  I  will  stand  higher  at  the 
judgment  day,  if  there  is  one,  and  stand  with  as  good  a 
chance  to  get  my  case  dismissed  without  costs  as  a  man 
who  sneaks  through  life  pretending  he  beeves  what  he 


5oo  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

does  not.  I  tell  you  one  thing;  there  is  going  to  be  one 
free  fellow  in  this  world.  I  am  going  to  say  my  say,  I 
tell  you.  I  am  going  to  do  it  kindly,  I  am  going  to  do 
it  distinctly,  but  I  am  going  to  do  it. 

Now,  if  men  have  been  slaves,  what  about  women? 
Women  have  been  the  slaves  of  slaves;  and  that's  a 
pretty  hard  position  to  occupy  for  life.  They  have  been 
the  slaves  of  slaves;  and  in  my  judgment  it  took  millions 
of  ages  for  women  to  come  from  the  condition  of  abject 
slavery  up  to  the  institution  of  marriage.  Let  me  say 
right  here,  to-night,  I  regard  marriage  as  the  holiest  in- 
stitution among  men.  Without  the  fireside  there  is  no 
human  advancement;  without  the  family  relation,  there 
is  no  life  worth  living.  Every  good  government  is  made 
up  of  good  families.  The  unit  of  government  is  family, 
and  anything  that  tends  to  destroy  the  family  is  perfectly 
devilish  and  infamous.  I  believe  in  marriage,  and  I  hold 
in  utter  contempt  the  opinions  of  long-haired  men  and 
short-haired  women  who  denounce  the  institution  of  mar- 
riage. Let  me  say  right  here — and  I  have  thought  a 
good  deal  about  it — let  me  say  right  here,  the  grandest 
ambition  that  any  man  can  possibly  have  is  to  so  live 
and  so  improve  himself  in  heart  and  brain  as  to  be 
worthy  of  the  love  of  some  splendid  woman;  and  the 
grandest  ambition  of  any  girl  is  to  make  herself  worthy 
of  the  love  and  adoration  of  some  magnificent  man. 
That  is  my  idea,  and  there  is  no  success  in  life  without  it. 
If  you  are  the  grand  emperor  of  the  world,  you  had  bet- 
ter be  the  grand  emperor  of  one  loving  and  tender  heart, 
and  she  the  grand  empress  of  yours.  The  man  who  has 
really  won  the  love  of  one  good  woman  in  this  world,  I 
do  not  care  if  he  dies  in  the  ditch  a  beggar,  his  life  has 
been  a  success. 


LIBERTY.  5OI 

I  say  it  took  millions  of  years  to  come  from  the  con- 
dition of  abject  slavery  up  to  the  condition  of  marriage. 
Ladies,  the  ornaments  you  bear  upon  your  person  to- 
night are  but  the  souvenirs  of  your  mothers'  bondage. 
The  chains  around  your  necks  and  the  bracelets  clasped 
upon  your  wrists  by  the  thrilling  hand  of  love,  have  been 
changed  by  the  wand  of  civilization  from  iron  to  shining, 
glittering  gold.  But  nearly  every  religion  has  accounted 
for  the  devilment  in  this  world  by  the  crime  of  woman. 
What  a  gallant  thing  that  is!  And  if  it  is  true,  I  had 
rather  live  with  the  woman  I  love  in  a  world  full  of 
trouble,  than  to  live  in  heaven  with  nobody  but  men. 

I  say  that  nearly  every  religion  has  accounted  for  all 
the  trouble  in  this  world  by  the  crime  of  woman.  I 
read  in  a  book — and  I  will  say  now  that  I  cannot  give 
the  exact  language;  my  memory  does  not  retain  the 
words — but  I  can  give  the  substance.  I  read  in  a  book 
that  the  supreme  being  concluded  to  make  a  world  and 
one  man;  that  he  took  some  nothing  and  made  a  world 
and  one  man,  and  put  this  man  in  a  garden:  but  he  no- 
ticed that  he  got  lonesome;  he  wandered  around  as  if  he 
was  waiting  for  a  train;  there  was  nothing  to  interest 
him;  no  news;  no  papers;  no  politics;  no  policy;  and  as 
the  devil  had  not  yet  made  his  appearance,  there  was  no 
chance  for  reconciliation;  not  even  for  civil  service  re- 
form. Well,  he  would  wander  about  this  garden  in  this 
condition  until  finally  the  supreme  being  made  up  his 
mind  to  make  him  a  companion;  and  having  used  np  all 
the  nothing  he  originally  took  in  making  the  world  and 
one  man,  he  had  to  take  a  part  of  the  man  to  start  a 
woman  with,  and  so  he  caused  a  deep  sleep  to  fall  upon 


502  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

this  man — now,  understand  me,  I  didn't  say  this  story  is 
true.  After  the  sleep  fell  upon  this  man,  he  took  a  rib, 
or,  as  the  French  would  call  it,  a  cutlet  out  of  this  man, 
and  from  that  he  made  a  woman;  and  considering  the 
raw  material,  I  look  upon  it  as  the  most  successful  job 
ever  performed.  Well,  after  He  got  the  woman  done, 
••he  was  brought  to  the  man;  not  to  see  how  she  liked 
liim,  but  to  see  how  he  liked  her.  He  liked  her,  and 
they  started  housekeeping;  and  they  were  told  of  certain 
things  they  might  do,  and  one  thing  they  could  not  do — 
and  of  course  they  did  it.  I  would  have  done  it  in  fif- 
teen minutes,  and  I  know  it.  There  wouldn't  have  been 
an  apple  on  that  tree  half  an  hour  from  date,  and  the 
limbs  could  have  been  full  of  clubs.  And  then  they  were 
turned  out  of  the  park,  and  an  extra  force  was  put  on  to 
keep  them  from  getting  back.  Then  devilment  com- 
menced. The  mumps,  and  the  measles,  and  the  whoop- 
ing cough  and  the  scarlet  fever  started  in  their  race  for 
man,  and  they  began  to  have  the  toothache,  the  roses 
began  to  have  thorns,  and  snakes  began  to  have 
poisoned  teeth,  and  people  began  to  divide  about  relig- 
ion and  politics;  and  the  world  has  been  full  of  trouble 
from  that  day  to  this.  Now,  nearly  all  of  the  religions 
of  this  world  account  for  the  existence  of  evil  by  such  a 
story  as  that . 

I  read  in  another  book  what  appeared  to  be  an  account 
of  the  same  transaction.  It  was  written  about  4,000 
'years  before  the  other;  but  all  commentators  agree  that 
the  one  that  was  written  last  was  the  original,  and  that 
the  one  that  was  written  first  was  copied  from  the  one 
that  was  written  last;  but  I  would  advise  you  all  not  to 
allow  your  creed  to  be  disturbed  by  a  little  matter  of 


LIBERTY.  5O3 

four  or  five  thousand  years.  In  this  other  story  the 
Supreme  Brahma  made  up  his  mind  to  make  the  world 
and  man  and  woman;  and  he  made  the  world,  and  he 
made  the  man  and  he  made  the  woman,  and  he  put  them 
on  the  island  of  Ceylon;  and  according  to  the  account, 
it  was  the  most  beautiful  island  of  which  man  can  con- 
ceive. Such  birds,  such  songs,  such  flowers  and  such 
verdure!  And  the  branches  of  the  trees  were  so  ar- 
ranged that  when  the  wind  swept  through  them  every 
tree  was  a  thousand  aeolian  harps.  The  Supreme 
Brahma  when  he  put  them  there  said,  "  Let  them  have 
a  period  of  courtship,  for  it  is  my  desire  and  will  that 
true  love  should  forever  precede  marriage."  When  I 
read  that,  it  was  so  much  more  beautiful  and  lofty  than 
the  other,  that  I  said  to  myself,  "  If  either  one  of  these 
stories  ever  turns  out  to  be  true,  I  hope  it  will  be  this 
one." 

Then  they  had  their  courtship,  with  the  nightingales 
singing  and  the  stars  shining  and  the  flowers  blooming, 
and  they  fell  in  love.  Imagine  the  courtship!  No  pros- 
pective fathers  or  mothers  in  law;  no  prying  and  gossip- 
ing neighbors,  nobody  to  say,  '  *  Young  man,  how  do 
you  expect  to  support  her? "  Nothing  of  that  kind. 
They  were  married  by  the  Supreme  Brahma,  and  he 
said  to  them:  "  Remain  here;  you  must  never  leave  this 
island."  Well,  after  a  little  while  the  man — and  his 
name  was  Amond,  and  the  woman's  name  was  Heva — 
and  the  man  said  to  Heva:  "I  believe  I'll  look  about  a 
little;"  and  he  went  to  the  northern  extremity  of  the 
island,  where  there  was  a  little,  narrow  neck  of  land  con- 
necting it  with  the  mainland;  and  the  devil,  who  is 
always  playing  pranks  with  us,  got  up  a  mirage,  and 


504  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

when  he  looked  over  to  the  mainland,  such  hills  and 
dells,  vales  and  dales;  such  mountains,  crowned  with  sil- 
ver; such  cataracts,  clad  in  robes  of  beauty,  did  he  see 
there,  that  he  went  back  and  told  Heva:  "The  country 
over  there  is  a  thousand  times  better  than  this;  let  us 
migrate."  She,  like  every  other  woman  that  ever  lived, 
said:  "Let  well  enough  alone;  we  have  all  we  want;  let 
us  stay  here. "  But  he  said,  ' '  No,  let  us  go;  "  so  she  fol- 
lowed him,  and  when  they  came  to  this  narrow  neck  of 
land  he  took  her  on  his  back  like  a  gentleman  and  car- 
ried her  over.  But  the  moment  they  got  over  they  heard 
a  crash,  and,  looking  back,  discovered  that  this  narrow 
neck  of  land  had  fallen  into  the  sea,  with  the  exception 
of  now  and  then  a  rock,  and  the  mirage  had  disappeared* 
and  there  was  naught  but  rocks  and  sand;  and  then  a 
voice  called  out,  cursing  them.  Then  it  was  that  the 
man  spoke  up — and  I  have  liked  him  ever  since  for  it — 
"  Curse  me,  but  curse  not  her;  it  was  not  her  fault,  it 
was  mine."  That's  the  kind  of  man  to  start  a  world 
with.  The  Supreme  Brahma  said,  "  I  will  save  her  but 
not  thee."  She  spoke  up  out  of  her  feelings  of  love,  out 
of  a  heart  in  which  there  was  love  enough  to  make  all  of 
her  daughters  rich  in  holy  affection,  and  said,  ' '  If  thou 
wilt  not  spare  him,  .spare  neither  me;  I  do  not  wish  to 
live  without  him;  I  love  him."  Then  the  Supreme 
Brahma  said — and  I  have  liked  him  firstrate  ever  since  I 
read  it — "  I  will  spare  you  both  and  watch  over  you." 

Honor  bright,  isn't  that  the  better  story? 

And  from  that  same  book  I  want  to  show  you  what 
ideas  some  of  these  miserable  heathen  had — the  heathen 
we  are  trying  to  convert.  We  send  missionaries  over 
yonder  to  convert  heathen  there,  and  we  send  soldiers 


LIBERTY.  505 

out  on  the  plains  to  kill  heathen  there.  If  we  can  con- 
vert the  heathen,  why  not  convert  those  nearest  home? 
Why  not  convert  those  we  can  get  at?  Why  not  con- 
vert those  who  have  the  immense  advantage  of  the  exam- 
ple of  the  average  pioneer?  But  to  show  you  the  men 
we  are  trying  to  convert — in  this  book  it  says:  "  Man  is 
strength,  woman  is  beauty;  man  is  courage,  woman  is 
love.  When  the  one  man  loves  the  one  woman  and  the 
one  woman  loves  the  one  man,  the  very  angels  leave 
heaven  and  come  and  sit  in  that  house  and  sing  for  joy.'' 
/They  are  the  men  we  are  converting.  Think  of  it!  I 
tell  you  when  I  read  these  things  I  begin  to  say,  "  Love 
is  not  of  any  country;  nobility  does  not  belong  exclu- 
sively here;  "  and  through  all  the  ages  there  have  been  a 
few  great  and  tender  souls  lifted  far  above  their  fellows . 

Now,  my  friends,  it  seems  to  me  that  the  woman  is 
the  equal  of  the  man.  She  has  all  the  rights  I  have, 
and  one  more,  and  that  is  the  right  to  be  protected. 
That's  my  doctrine.  You  are  married;  try  and  make 
the  woman  you  love  happy;  try  and  make  the  man  you 
love  happy.  Whoever  marries  simply  for  himself  will 
make  a  mistake;  but  whoever  loves  a  woman  so  well 
that  he  says  "I  will  make  her  happy,"  makes  no  mis- 
take; and  so  with  the  woman  who  says  ' '  I  will  make  him 
happy."  There  is  only  one  way  to  be  happy,  and  that  is 
to  make  somebody  else  so,  and  you  can't  be  happy  cross- 
lots;  you  have  got  to  go  the  regular  turnpike  road. 

If  there  is  any  man  I  detest,  it  is  the  man  who  thinks 
he  is  the  head  of  the  famil} — the  man  who  thinks  he  is 
"boss."  That  fellow  in  the  dug-out  used  that  word 
"boss;"  that  was  one  of  his  favorite  expressions — that 
he  was  *'  boss."  Imagine  a  young  man  and  a  young 


506  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

» woman  courting,  walking  out  in  the  moonlight,  and  the 
nightingale  singing  a  song  of  pain  and  love,  as  though 
the  thorn  touched  her  heart — imagine  them  stopping 
there  in  the  moonlight  and,  starlight  and  song,  and  saying 
"  Now  here,  let's  settle  who's  boss!  "  I  tell  you  it  is  an 
infamous  word,  and  an  infamous  feeling — a  man  who 
is  "  boss,"  who  is  going  to  govern  his  family,  and  when 
he  speaks  let  all  the  rest  of  them  be  still — some  mighty 
idea  is  about  to  be  launched  from  his  mouth.  Do  you 
know  I  dislike  this  man  unspeakably;  and  a  cross  man  I 
hate  above  all  things. 

What  right  has  he  to  murder  the  sunshine  of  the  day? 
What  right  has  he  to  assassinate  the  joy  of  life?  When 
you  go  home  you  ought  to  feel  the  light  there  is  in  the 
house;  if  it  is  in  the  night  it  will  burst  out  of  doors  and 
windows  and  illuminate  the  darkness.  It  is  just  as  well 
to  go  home  a  ray  of  sunshine  as  an  old  sour,  cross  cur- 
mudgeon, who  thinks  he  is  the  head  of  the  family.  Wise 
men  think  their  mighty  brains  have  been  in  a  turmoil; 
they  have  been  thinking  about  who  will  be  alderman 
from  the  fifth  ward;  they  have  been  thinking  about  pol- 
itics; great  and  mighty  questions  have  been  engaging  their 
minds;  they  have  bought  calico  at  8  cents,  or  6,  and 
want  to  sell  it  for  7.  Think  of  the  intellectual  strain  that 
must  have  been  upon  a  man,  and  when  he  gets  home 
everybody  else  in  the  house  must  look  out  for  his  com- 
fort. A  woman  who  has  only  taken  care  of  five  or  six 
children,  and  one  or  two  of  them  may  be  sick;  has  been 
nursing  them  and  singing  to  them,  and  taking  care  of 
them,  and  trying  to  make  one  yard  of  cloth  do  the  work 
of  two — she,  of  course,  is  fresh  and  fine,  and  ready  to 
wait  upon  this  great  gentleman — the  head  of  the  family. 
I  don't  like  him  a  bit! 


LIBERTY.  507 

Do  you  know  another  thing?  I  despise  a  stingy  man. 
I  don't  see  how  it  is  possible  for  a  man  to  die  worth  fifty 
millions  of  dollars,  or  ten  millions  of  dollars,  in  a  city 
full  of  want,  when  he  meets  almost  every  day  the  with- 
ered hand  of  beggary  and  the  white  lips  of  famine.  How 
a  man  can  withstand  all  that,  and  hold  in  the  clutch  of 
his  greed  twenty  or  thirty  millions  of  dollars,  is  past  my 
comprehension.  I  do  not  see  how  he  can  do  it.  I 
should  not  think  he  could  do  it  any  more  than  he  could 
keep  a  pile  of  lumber  where  hundreds  and  thousands  of 
men  were  drowning  in  the  sea.  I  should  not  think  he 
could  do  it. 

Do  you  know  I  have  known  men  who  would  trust 
their  wives  with  their  hearts  and  their  honor,  but  not 
with  their  pocketbook ;  not  with  a  dollar.  When  I  see 
a  man  of  that  kind  I  always  think  he  knows  which  of 
these  articles  is  the  most  valuable.  Think  of  making 
your  wife  a  beggar!  Think  of  her  having  to  ask  you 
every  day  for  a  dollar,  or  for  two  dollars,  err  for  fifty 
cents!  "What  did  you  do  with  that  dollar  I  gave  you 
last  week?"  Think  of  having  a  wife  that  was  afraid  of 
you!  What  kind  of  children  do  you  expect  to  have  with 
a  beggar  and  a  coward  for  their  mother?  Oh,  I  tell  you, 
if  you  have  but  a  dollar  in  the  world,  and  you  have  got 
to  spend  it,  spend  it  like  a  king;  spend  it  as  though  it 
were  a  dry  leaf  and  you  the  owner  of  unbounded  forests! 
That's  the  way  to  spend  it!  I  had  rather  be  a  beggar 
and  spend  my  last  dollar  like  a  king,  than  he  a  king  and 
spend  my  money  like  a  beggar.  If  it's  got  to  go,  let 
it  go. 

Get  the  best  you  can  for  your  family — try  to  look  as 
well  as  you  can  yourself.  When  you  used  to  go  court- 


508  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

ing,  how  nice  you  looked!  Ah,  your  eye  was  bright, 
your  step  was  light,  and  you  just  put  on  the  very  best 
look  you  could.  Do  you  know  that  it  is  insufferable 
egotism  in  you  to  suppose  that  a  woman  is  going  to  love 
you  always  looking  as  bad  as  you  can?  Think  of  it! 
Any  woman  on  earth  will  be  true  to  you  forever  when 
you  do  your  level  best.  Some  people  tell  me,  "  Your 
doctrine  about  loving,  and  wives,  and  all  that  is  splendid 
for  the  rich,  but  it  won't  do  for  the  poor."  I  tell  you 
to-night  there  is  on  the  average  more  love  in  the  homes 
of  the  poor  than  in  the  palaces  of  the  rich;  and  the 
meanest  hut  with  love  in  it  is  fit  for  the  gods,  and  a  pal- 
ace without  love  is  a  den  only  fit  for  wild  beasts.  That's 
my  doctrine! 

You  can't  be  so  poor  but  that  you  can  help  somebody. 
Good  nature  is  the  cheapest  commodity  in  the  world; 
and  love  is  the  only  thing  that  will  pay  10  per  cent  to 
borrower  and  lender  both.  Don't  tell  me  that  you  have 
got  to  be  rich!  We  have  all  a  false  standard  of  great- 
ness in  the  United  States.  We  think  here  that  a  man 
to  be  great,  must  be  notorious;  must  be  extremely 
wealthy,  or  his  name  must  be  between  the  lips  of  rumor. 
It  is  all  nonsense!  It  is  not  necessary  to  be  rich  to  be 
great,  or  to  be  powerful  to  be  happy;  and  the  happy  man 
is  the  successful  man.  Happiness  is  the  legal  tender  of 
the  soul.  Joy  is  wealth. 

A  little  while  ago  I  stood  by  the  grave  of  the  old 
Napoleon,  a  magnificent  tomb,  fit  for  a  dead  deity  al- 
most, and  gazed  into  the  great  circle  at  the  bottom  of  it. 
In  the  sarcophagus,  of  black  Egyptian  marble,  at  last 
rest  the  ashes  of  that  restless  man.  I  looked  over  the 
balustrade,  and  I  thought  about  the  career  of  Napoleon. 


LIBERTY.  509 

I  could  see  him  walking  upon  the  banks  of  the  Seine  con- 
templating suicide,  I  saw  him  at  Toulon.  I  saw  him 
putting  down  the  mob  in  the  streets  of  Paris.  I  saw  him 
at  the  head  of  the  army  of  Italy.  I  saw  him  crossing  the 
bridge  at  Lodi.  I  saw  him  in  Egypt,  fighting  the  bat- 
tle of  the  pyramids.  I  saw  him  cross  the  Alps,  and  min- 
gle the  eagles  of  France  with  the  eagles  of  the  crags.  I 
saw  him  at  Austerlitz.  I  saw  him  with  his  army  scat- 
tered and  dispersed  before  the  blast.  I  saw  him  at  Leip- 
sic  when  his  army  was  defeated  and  he  was  taken  cap- 
tive. I  saw  him  escape.  I  saw  him  land  again  upon 
French  soil,  and  retake  an  empire  by  the  force  of  his 
own  genius.  I  saw  him  captured  once  more,  and  again 
at  St.  Helena,  with  his  arms  behind  him,  gazing  out  upon 
the  sad  and  solemn  sea;  and  I  thought  of  the  orphans 
and  widows  he  had  made.  I  thought  of  the  tears  that 
had  been  shed  for  his  glory. 

I  thought  of  the  only  woman  who  ever  loved  him,  who 
had  been  pushed  from  his  heart  by  the  cold  hand  of  am- 
bition; and  as  I  looked  at  the  sarcophagus,  I  said,  "  I 
would  rather  have  been  a  French  peasant  and  worn 
wooden  shoes;  I  would  rather  have  lived  in  a  hut,  with 
a  vine  growing  over  the  door,  and  the  grapes  growing 
and  ripening  in  the  autumn  sun;  I  would  rather  have 
been  that  peasant,  with  my  wife  by  my  side  and  my 
children  upon  my  knees,  twining  their  arms  of  affection 
about  me;  I  would  rather  have  been  that  poor  French 
peasant,  and  gone  down  at  last  to  the  eternal  promiscuity 
of  the  dust,  followed  by  those  who  loved  me;  I  would  a 
thousand  times  rather  have  been  that  French  peasant 
than  that  imperial  personative  of  force  and  murder." 
And  so  I  would,  ten  thousand  times. 


510  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

It  is  not  necessary  to  be  great  to  be  happy;  it  is  not 
necessary  to  be  rich  to  be  just  and  generous,  and  to  have 
a  heart  filled  with  divine  affection.  No  matter  whether 
you  are  rich  or  poor,  use, your  wife  as  though  she  were 
a  splendid  creation,  and  she  will  fill  your  life  with  per- 
fume and  joy.  And  do  you  know,  It  is  a  splendid  thing 
for  me  to  think  that  the  woman  you  really  love  will 
never  grow  old  to  you?  Through  the  wrinkles  of  time, 
through  the  music  of  years,  if  you  really  love  her,  you 
will  always  see  the  face  you  loved  and  won.  And  a 
woman  who  really  loves  a  man,  does  not  see  that  he 
grows  older;  he  is  not  decrepit;  he  does  not  tremble;  he 
is  not  old;  she  always  sees  the  same  gallant  gentleman 
who  won  her  hand  and  heart.  I  like  to  think  of  it  in 
that  way  I  like  to  think  of  all  passions;  love  is  eternal, 
and,  as  Shakespeare  says,  ' '  Although  Time,  with  his 
sickle,  can  rob  ruby  lips  and  sparkling  eyes,  let  him  reach 
as  far  as  he  can,  he  cannot  quite  touch  Ibve;  that  reaches 
even  to  the  end  of  the  tomb."  And  to  love  in  that  way, 
and  then  go  down  the  hill  of  life  together,  and  as  you 
go  down  hear,  perhaps,  the  laughter  of  grandchildren— 
the  birds  of  joy  and  love  sing  once  more  in  the  leafless 
branches  of  age.  I  believe  in  the  fireside.  I  believe  in 
the  democracy  of  home.  I  believe  in  the  republicanism 
of  the  family.  I  believe  in  liberty  and  equality  with 
those  we  love. 

If  women  have  been  slaves,  what  shall  I  say  of 
children;  of  the  little  children  in  the  alleys  and  sub-cel- 
lars; the  little  children  who  turn  pale  when  they  hear 
their  father's  footsteps;  little  children  who  run  away 
when  they  only  hear  their  names  called  by  the  lips  of  a 
mother;  little  children — the  children  of  poverty,  the 


LIBERTY.  511 

children  of  crime,  the  children  of  brutality  wherever  you 
are — flotsam  and  jetsam  upon  the  wild,  mad  sea  of  life, 
my  heart  goes  out  to  you,  one  and  all.  I  tell  you  the 
children  have  the  same  rights  that  we  have,  and  we 
ought  to  treat  them  as  though  they  were  human  beings; 
and  they  should  be  reared  by  love,  by  kindness,  by  ten- 
derness, and  not  by  brutality.  That  is  my  idea  of 
children.  When  your  little  child  tells  a  lie,  don't  rush 
at  him  as  though  the  world  were  about  to  go  into  bank- 
ruptcy. Be  honest  with  him.  A  tyrant  father  will  have 
liars  for  children;  do  you  know  that?  A  lie  is  born  of 
tyranny  upon  the  one  hand  and  weakness  upon  the 
other,  and  when  you  rush  at  a  poor  little  boy  with  a  club 
in  your  hand,  of  course  he  lies.  I  thank  Mother  Nature 
that  she  has  put  ingenuity  enough  in  the  breast  of  a  child, 
when  attacked  by  a  brutal  parent,  to  throw  up  a  little 
breastwork  in  the  shape  of  a  lie. 

When  one  of  your  children  tells  a  lie,  be  honest  with 
him;  tell  him  you  have  told  hundreds  of  them  yourself. 
Tell  him  it  is  not  the  best  way;  you  have  tried  it.  Tell 
him,  as  the  man  did  in  Maine  when  his  boy  left  home: 
"John,  honesty  is  the  best  policy;  I  have  tried  both." 
Just  be  honest  with  him.  Imagine  now;  you  are  about 
to  whip  a  child  five  years  of  age.  What  is  the  child  to 
do?  Suppose  a  man,  as  much  larger  than  you  are  larger 
than  a  child  five  years  old,  should  come  at  you  with  lib- 
erty-pole in  hand,  and  in  a  voice  of  thunder  shout,  "Who 
broke  the  plate? "  There  is  not  a  solitary  one  of  you 
who  wouldn't  swe^ar  you  never  saw  it,  or  that  it  was 
cracked  when  you  found  it.  Why  not  be  honest  with 
these  children?  Just  imagine  a  man  who  deals  in  stocks 
putting  false  rumors  afloat! 


512  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Think  of  a  lawyer  beating  his  own  flesh  and  blood  for 
evading  the  truth,  when  he  makes  half  of  his  own  living 
that  way!  Think  of  a  minister  punishing  his  child  for 
not  telling  all  he  thinks!  Just  think  of  it!  When  your 
child  commits  a  wrong,  take  it  in  your  arms;  let  it  feel 
your  heart  beat  against  its  heart;  let  the  child  know 
that  you  really  and  truly  and  sincerely  love  it.  Yet 
some  Christians,  good  Christians,  when  a  child  commits 
a  fault,  drive  it  from  the  door,  and  say,  "  Never  do  you 
darken  this  house  again."  Think  of  that!  And  then 
these  same  people  will  get  down  on  their  knees  and  ask 
God  to  take  care  of  the  child  they  have  driven  from  home. 
I  will  never  ask  God  to  take  care  of  my  chil  dren  unless  I 
am  doing  my  level  best  in  that  same  direction.  But  I 
will  tell  you  what  I  say  to  my  children:  "Go  where 
you  will;  commit  what  crime  you  may;  fall  to  what 
depth  of  degradation  you  may;  you  can  never  commit 
any  crime  that  will  shut  my  door,  my  arms,  my  heart  to 
you;  as  long  as  I  live  you  shall  have  no  more  sincere 
friend." 

Do  you  know,  I  have  seen  some  people  who  acted  as 
though  they  thought  when  the  Savior  said,  "  Suffer  little 
children  to  come  unto  me,  for  such  is  the  Kingdom  of 
Heaven,"  that  he  had  a  rawhide  under  his  mantle  and 
made  that  remark  to  get  the  children  within  striking  dis- 
tance. I  don't  believe  in  the  government  of  the  lash. 
If  any  one  of  you  ever  expect  to  whip  your  children 
again  after  you  hear  me,  I  want  you  to  have  a  photo- 
graph taken  of  yourself  when  you  are  in  the  act,  with 
your  face  red  with  vulgar  anger;  and  then  the  face  of 
the  little  child,  with  eyes  swimming  in  tears,  and  the  lit- 
tle chin  dimpled  with  fear,  like  a  piece  of  water  struck 


LIBERTY.  513 

by  a  sudden,  cold  wind.  Have  the  picture  taken.  If 
that  little  child  should  die,  I  cannot  find  a  sweeter  way 
to  spend  an  autumn  afternoon  than  to  go  out  to  the  cem- 
etery, when  the  maples  are  clad  in  bright  colors,  and  lit- 
tle scarlet  runners  are  coming,  like  poems  of  regret, 
from  the  sad  heart  of  the  earth — than  to  go  out  to  the 
cemetery  and  sit  down  upon  the  grave  and  look  at  this 
photograph,  and  think  of  the  flesh,  now  dust,  that  you 
beat. 

I  tell  you  it  is  wrong;  it  is  no  way  to  raise  children! 
Make  your  home  happy.  Be  honest  with  them,  divide 
fairly  with  them  in  everything.  Give  them  a  little  lib- 
erty, and  you  cannot  drive  them  out  of  the  house.  They 
will  want  to  stay  there.  Make  home  pleasant.  Let 
them  play  any  game  they  want  to.  Don't  be  so  foolish 
•as  to  say:  "  You  may  roll  balls  on  the  ground,  but  you 
must  not  roll  them  on  green  cloth.  You  may  knock 
them  with  a  mallet,  but  you  must  not  push  them  with  a 
cue.  You  may  play  with  little  pieces  of  paper  which 
have  *  Authors'  written  on  them,  but  you  must  not  have 
'keerds.''  Think  of  it!  "You  may  go  to  a  minstrel 
show,  where  people  blacken  themselves  up  and  degrade 
themselves,  and  imitate  humanity  below  themselves,  but 
you  must  not  go  to  the  theater  and  see  the  characters  of 
immortal  genius  put  upon  the  stage."  Why?  Well,  I 
can't  think  of  any  reason  in  the  world  except  "  minstrel  " 
is  a  word  of  two  syllables  and  theater  has  three.  Let 
children  have  some  daylight  at  home  if  you  want  to 
keep  them  there,  and  don't  commenee  at  the  cradle  and 
yell,  "Don't!"  "Don't!"  "Stop!"  That  is  nearly  all 
that  is  said  to  a  youngone  from  the  cradle  until  he  is 
twenty-one  years  old,  and  when  he  comes  of  age  other 


514  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

people  begin  saying  "Don't!"  And  the  church  says 
"Don't!"  And  the  party  that  he  belongs  to  says 
"Don't!"  I  despise  that  way  of  going  through  this 
world.  Let  us  have  a  little,  liberty — just  a  little  bit. 

There  is  another  thing.  In  old  times,  you  know, 
they  thought  some  days  were  too  good  for  a  child  to  en- 
joy himself  in.  When  I  was  a  boy  Sunday  was  consid- 
ered altogether  too  good  to  be  happy  in;  and  Sunday 
used  to  commence  then  when  the  sun  went  down  Satur- 
day night.  That  was  to  get  good  ready — a  kind  of  run- 
ning jump;  and  when  the  sun  went  down,  a  darkness 
ten  thousand  times  deeper  than  that  of  night  fell  on  that 
house.  Nobody  said  a  word  then;  nobody  laughed;  and 
the  child  that  looked  the  sickest  was  regarded  the  most 
pious.  You  couldn't  crack  hickory  nuts;  you  couldn't 
chew  gum;  and  if  you  laughed,  it  was  only  another  evi- 
dence of  the  total  depravity  of  man.  That  was  a  sol- 
emn night;  and  the  next  morning  everybody  looked  sad, 
mournful,  dyspeptic — and  thousands  of  people  think  they 
have  religion  when  they  have  only  got  dyspepsia — thou- 
sands! 

But  there  is  nothing  in  this  world  that  would  break  np 
the  old  orthodox  churches  as  quick  as  some  specific  for 
dyspepsia — some  sure  cure. 

Then  we  went  to  church,  and  the  minister  was  up  in 
a  pulpit  about  twenty  feet  high,  with  a  little  sounding- 
board  over  him,  and  he  commenced  with  Firstly  and 
went  on  to  about  twenty-thirdly,  and  then  around  by 
way  of  application,  and  then  divided  it  off  again  once  or 
twice,  and  after  having  put  in  about  two  hours,  he  got  to 
Revelations.  We  were  not  allowed  to  have  any  fire, 
even  if  it  was  in  the  winter.  It  was  thought  to  be  out- 


LIBERTY.  5  I  5 

rageous  to  be  comfortable  while  you  are  thanking  the 
Lord,  and  the  first  church  that  ever  had  a  stove  put  in  it 
in  New  England  was  broken  up  on  that  account.  Then 
we  went  a-nooning,  and  then  came  the  catechism,  the 
chief  end  of  man.  We  went  through  that;  and  then 
this  same  sermon  was  preached,  commencing  at  the  other 
end,  and  going  back.  After  that  was  over  we  started 
for  home,  solemn  and  sad — "  not  a  soldier  discharged  his 
farewell  shot;"  not  a  word  was  said — and  when  we  got 
home,  if  we  had  been  good  boys,  they  would  take  us  up 
to  the  graveyard  to  cheer  us  up  a  little. 

It  did  cheer  rne!  When  I  looked  at  those  tombs  the 
comforting  reflection  came  to  my  mind  that  this  kind  of 
thing  couldn't  last  always.  Then  we  had  some  certain 
books  that  we  read  just  by  way  of  cheerfulness.  There 
wasMilner's  <l  History  of  the  Wilderness,"  Baxter's  <(  Call 
to  the  Unconverted,"  and  Jenkins'  "On  the  Atonement." 
I  used  to  read  Jenkins'  "On  the  Atonement;"  and  I 
have  often  thought  the  atonement  would  have  to  be  very 
broad  in  its  provisions  to  cover  the  case  of  a  man  who 
would  write  a  book  like  that  for  a  boy  to  read.  Well, 
you  know,  the  Sunday  had  to  go  at  last;  and  the  mo- 
ment the  sun  went  down  Sunday  night  we  were  free. 
About  4  or  5  o'clock  we  would  go  to  see  how  the  sun  was 
coming  out.  Sometimes  it  seemed  to  me  that  it  was 
just  stopping  from  pure  cussedness;  but  finally  it  had  to 
go  down,  and  when  the  last  rim  of  light  sank  below  the 
horizon,  out  would  come  our  traps,  and  we  would  give 
three  cheers  for  liberty  once  more.  In  those  times  it 
was  thought  wrong  for  a  child  to  laugh  on  Sunday.  Think 
of  that!  A  little  child — a  little  boy — could  go  out  in 
the  garden,  and  there  would  be  a  tree  laclen  with  blos- 
soms, and  this  little  fellow  would  lean  up  against  the 


516  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

tree,  and  there  would  be  a  bird  singing  and  swinging, 
and  thinking  about  four  little  speckled  eggs,  warmed  by 
the  breast  of  its  mate — singing  and  swinging,  and  the  mu- 
sic coming  rippling  out  of  its  throat,  and  the  flowers 
blossoming  and  the  air  full  of  perfume,  and  the  great 
white  clouds  floating  in  the  sky;  and  that  little  boy  would 
lean  up  against  that  trunk,  and  think  of  hell. 

That's  true!  I  have  heard  them  preach  when  I  sat  in 
the  pew,  and  my  feet  didn't  come  within  eighteen  inches 
of  the  floor,  about  that  hell.  And  they  said,  "Suppose 
that  once  in  a  million  years  a  bird  would  come  from 
some  far  distant  planet,  and  carry  og  in  its  bill  a  grain  of 
sand,  the  time  would  finally  come  when  the  last  atom 
composing  this  earth  would  be  carried  away;"  and  the 
old  preacher  said,  in  order  to  impress  upon  the  boys  the 
length  of  time  they  would  have  to  stay,  "it  wouldn't  be 
sun-up  in  hell  yet." 

Think  of  that  to  preach  to  children!  I  tell  you,  my 
friends,  no  day  can  be  so  sacred  but  that  the  laugh  of  a 
little  child  will  make  it  holier  still — no  day!  And  yet,  at 
that  time,  the  minds  of  children  were  polluted  by  this  in- 
famous doctrine  of  eternal  punishment;  and  I  denounce 
it  to-day  as  an  infamous  doctrine  beyond  the  power  of 
language  to  express.  Where  did  that  doctrine  of  eternal 
punishment  for  the  children  of  men  come  from?  It  came 
from  that  wretch  in  the  dug-out.  Where  did  he  get  it? 
It  was  a  souvenir  from  the  animals,  and  the  doctrine  of 
eternal  punishment  was  born  in  the  eyes  of  snakes  when 
they  hung  in  fearful  coils  watching  for  their  prey.  It 
was  a  doctrine  born  of  the  howling  and  barking  and 
growling  of  wild  beasts;  it  was  born  in  the  grin  of  the 
hyenas,  and  of  the  depraved  chatter  of  the  baboons;  and 


LIBERTY .  517 

I  despise  it  with  every  drop  of  my  blood.  Tell  me  there 
is  a  God  in  the  serene  heaven  that  will  damn  his  children 
for  the  expression  of  an  honest  belief! 

There  have  been  more  men  who  died  in  their  sins,  ac- 
cording to  your  orthodox  religion,  than  there  are  leaves 
on  all  the  forests  of  this  world  ten  thousand  times  over. 
Tell  me  they  are  in  hell !  Tell  me  they  are  to  be  pun- 
ished for  ever  and  ever!  I  denounce  it  as  an  infamous 
lie! 

And  when  the  great  ship  containing  the  hope  and  as- 
piration of  the  world,  when  the  great  ship  freighted  with 
mankind  goes  down  in  the  night  of  death  and  disaster,  I 
will  go  down  with  the  ship.  I  don't  want  to  paddle  off 
in  any  orthodox  canoe.  I  will  go  down  with  the  ship; 
and  if  there  is  a  God  who  will  damn  his  children  forever 
I  had  rather  go  to  hell  than  to  go  to  heaven  and  keep 
the  society  of  such  an  infamous  Deity. 

I  make  my  choice  now.  I  despise  that  doctrine,  and 
I'll  tell  you  why.  It  has  covered  the  cheeks  of  this 
world  with  tears.  It  has  polluted  the  heart  of  children. 
It  has  been  a  pain  and  terror  to  every  man  that  ever  be- 
lieved it.  It  has  filled  the  good  with  horror  and  fear,  but 
it  has  had  no  effect  upon  the  infamous  and  base.  I  tell 
you  it  is  a  bad  doctrine.  I  read  in  the  papers  to-day 
what  Henry  Ward  Beecher,  whom  I  regard  as  the  most 
intellectual  preacher  in  the  pulpit  of  the  United  States — 
I  will  read  from  the  paper  what  he  said  yesterday,  and 
you  will  see  an  abstract  of  it  in  the  New  York  Times  of 
to-day.  He  has  had  the  courage,  and  he  has  had  the 
magnificent  manhood,  to  say: 

"I say  to  you,  and  I  swear  to  you,  by  the  wounds  in 
the  hands  of  Christ — I  swear  to  you  by  the  wounds  in 


5i8  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

the  body  and  feet  of  Christ,  that  this  doctrine  of  eternal 
hell  is  a  most  infamous  nightmare  of  theology!  It  never 
should  be  preached  again." 

What  right  have  you,  sir;  you,  minister,  as  you  are,  to 
stand  at  the  portal  of  eternity,  or  the  portal  of  the  tomb, 
and  fill  the  future  with  horror  and  with  fear?  You  have 
no  right  to  do  it.  I  don't  believe  it,  and  neither  do  you. 
You  would  not  sleep  one  night.  Any  man  who  believes 
it,  who  has  got  a  decent  heart  in  his  bosom,  will  go  in- 
sane. Yes,  sir,  a  man  that  really  believes  that  doctrine 
and  does  not  go  insane,  has  got  the  conscience  of  a  snake 
and  the  intellect  of  a  hyena.  O!  I  thank  my  stars  that 
you  do  not  believe  it.  You  cannot  believe  it,  and  you 
never  will  believe  it.  Old  Jonathan  Edwards,  the  dear 
old  soul,  he  is  in  heaven  I  suppose,  said:  "Can  the  be- 
lieving husband  in  heaven  be  happy  with  his  unbeliev- 
ing wife  in  hell?  Can  the  believing  father  in  heaven  be 
happy  with  his  unbelieving  children  in  hell?  Can  the 
loving  wife  in  heaven  be  happy  with  her  unbelieving  hus- 
band in  hell?  I  tell  you  yea.  Such  will  be  their  sense 
of  justice  that  it  will  increase  rather  than  diminish  their 
happiness." 

Think  of  these  infamous  doctrines  that  have  been 
taught  in  the  name  of  religion!  Do  not  stuff  these 
things  into  the  minds  of  your  children.  Give  them  a 
chance.  Let  them  read.  Let  them  think.  Do  not 
treat  your  children  like  posts,  to  be  set  in  the  orthodox 
road,  but  like  trees,  that  need  light  and  sun  and  air.  Be 
honest  with  them.  Be  fair  with  them.  In  old  times 
they  used  to  make  all  children  go  to  bed  when  they  were 
not  sleepy,  and  all  of  them  got  up  when  they  were  sleepy. 
I  say  let  them  go  to  bed  when  they  are  sleepy  and 


LIBERTY.  519 

get  up  when  they  are  not.  But  they  say  that  will  do  for 
the  rich,  but  not  for  the  poor.  Well,  if  the  poor  have 
to  wake  their  children  early  in  the  morning,  it  is  as  easy  to 
wake  them  with  a  kiss  as  with  a  club.  I  believe  in  let- 
ting children  commence  at  which  end  of  the  dinner  they 
want  to. 

Let  them  eat  what  they  want.  It  is  their  business. 
They  know  what  they  want  to  eat.  And  it  they  have 
had  their  liberty  from  the  first,  they  can  beat  any  doctor 
in  the  world.  All  the  improvement  that  has  ever  been 
made  in  medicine  has  been  made  by  the  recklessness  of 
patients.  Yes,  sir.  Thousands  and  thousands  of  years 
the  doctors  wouldn't  let  a  man  have  water  in  fever. 
Every  now  and  then  some  fellow  got  reckless  and  said: 
"I  will  die,  I  am  so  thirsty,  "and  drank  two  or  three 
quarts  of  water  and  got  well.  And  they  kept  that  up  un- 
til finally  the  doctors  said,  "  that  is  the  best  thing  for  a 
fever  you  can  do. " 

I  have  more  confidence  to  agree  with  nature  about 
these  things  than  any  of  the  conclusions  of  the  schools. 

Just  let  your  children  have  freedom,  and  they  will  fall 
right  into  your  ways  and  do  just  as  you  do.  But  you 
try  to  make  them,  and  there  is  some  magnificent,  splen- 
did thing  in  the  human  heart  that  will  not  be  driven. 
And  do  you  know  it  is  the  luckiest  thing  for  this  world 
that  ever  happened  that  people  are  so.  What  would  we 
have  been  if  the  people  in  any  age  of  the  world  had 
done  just  as  the  doctors  told  them?  They  would  have 
been  all  dead.  What  would  we  have  done  if,  at  any 
age  of  the  world,  we  had  followed  implicitly  the  direction 
of  the  church?  We  would  have  been  all  idiots,  everyone. 

It  is  a  splendid  thing  that  there  is  always  some  fellow 


520  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

who  won't  mind,  and  will  think  for  himself.  And  I  be- 
lieve in  letting  children  think  for  themselves.  I  believe 
in  having  a  family  like  a  democracy.  If  there  is  any- 
thing splendid  in  this  world  it  is  a  home  of  that  kind. 
They  used  to  tell  us,  <(  Let  your  victuals  close  your 
mouth. "  We  used  to  eat  as  though  it  was  a  religious 
performance.  I  like  to  see  the  children  about,  and 
every  one  telling  what  he  has  seen  and  heard.  I  like  to 
hear  the  clatter  of  the  knives  and  spoons  mingling  with 
the  laughter  of  their  voices.  I  had  rather  hear  it  than 
any  opera  that  has  ever  been  put  upon  the  boards.  Let 
them  have  liberty;  let  them  have  freedom,  and  I  tell  you 
your  children  will  love  you  to  death. 

Now,  I  have  some  excuses  to  offer  for  the  race  to  which 
I  belong.  I  have  two.  My  first  excuse  is  that  this  is 
not  a  very  good  world  to  raise  folks  in  anyway.  It  is 
not  very  well  adapted  to  raising  magnificent  people. 
There's  only  a  quarter  of  it  land  to  start  with.  It  is 
three  times  better  fitted  for  raising  fish  than  folks,  and 
in  that  one  quarter  of  land  there  is  not  a  tenth  part  fit 
to  raise  people  on.  You  can't  raise  people  without  a 
good  climate.  You  have  got  to  have  the  right  kind  of 
climate,  and  you  have  got  to  have  certain  elements  in 
the  soil,  or  you  can't  raise  good  people.  Do  you  know 
that  there  is  only  a  little  zig-zag  strip  around  the  world 
within  which  have  been  produced  all  men  of  genius? 

The  southern  hemisphere  has  never  produced  a  man  of 
genius,  never;  and  never  will  until  civilization,  fighting 
the  heat  that  way  and  the  cold  this,  widens  this  portion 
of  the  earth  until  it  is  capable  of  producing  great  men 
and  great  women.  It  is  the  same  with  men  that  it  is  with 
vegetation;  you  go  into  a  garden,  and  find  there  flowers 


LIBERTY.  521 

growing.  And  as  you  go  up  the  mountain,  the  birch 
and  the  hemlock  and  the  spruce  are  to  be  found.  And 
as  you  go  toward  the  top,  you  find  little,  stunted  trees 
getting  a  miserable  subsistence  out  of  the  crevices  of  the 
rocks,  and  you  go  on  up  and  up  and  up,  until  finally  you 
find  at  the  top  little  moss-like  freckles.  You  might  as 
well  try  to  raise  flowers  where  those  freckles  grow  as  to 
raise  great  men  and  women  where  you  havn't  got  the 
soil. 

I  don't  believe  man  ever  came  to  any  high  station 
without  woman.  There  has  got  to  be  some  restraint, 
something  to  make  you  prudent,  something  to  make  you 
industrious.  And  in  a  country  where  you  don't  need  any 
bedquilt  but  a  cloud,  revolution  is  the  normal  condition 
of  the  people.  You  have  got  to  have  the  fireside;  you 
have  got  to  have  the  home,  and  there  by  the  fireside  will 
grow  and  bloom  the  fruits  of  the  human  race.  I  recol- 
lect a  while  ago  I  was  in  Washington  when  they  were 
trying  to  annex  Santo  Domingo.  They  said:  "We 
want  to  take  in  Santo  Domingo."  Said  I:  "We  don't 
want  it."  "Why,"  said  they,  "it  is  the  best  climate 
the  earth  can  produce.  There  is  everything  you  want." 
"Yes, "said  I,  "but  it  won't  produce  men.  We  don't 
want  it.  We  have  got  soil  enough  now.  Take  5,000 
ministers  from  New  England,  5,000  presidents  of  col- 
leges, and  5,000  solid  business  men,  and  their  families, 
and  take  them  to  Santo  Domingo;  and  then  you  will  see 
the  effect  of  climate.  The  second  generation,  you  will 
see  barefooted  boys  riding  bareback  on  a  mule,  with 
their  hair  sticking  out  of  the  top  of  their  sombreros,  with 
a  rooster  under  each  arm,  going  to  a  cock-fight  on  Sun- 
day. " 


522  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

You  have  got  to  have  the  soil;  you  have  got  to  nave 
the  climate,  and  you  have  got  to  have  another  thing— 
you  have  got  to  have  the  fireside.  That  is  one  excuse  I 
have  for  us. 

The  next  excuse  is  that  I  think  we  came  up  from  the 
lower  animals.  Else  how  can  you  account  for  all  this 
snake  and  hyena  and  jackal  in  man?  Now,  when  I  first 
heard  that  doctrine,  I  didn't  like  it.  I  felt  sorry  for  peo- 
ple who  had  nothing  but  ancestors  to  be  proud  of.  It 
touched  my  heart  to  think  that  they  would  have  to  go 
back  to  the  Duke  Orangoutang  or  the  Duchess  Chimpan- 
zee. I  was  sorry,  and  I  hated  to  believe  it.  I  don't 
know  that  it  is  the  truth  now.  I  am  not  satisfied  upon 
that  question;  I  stand  about  eight  to  seven. 

I  thought  it  over.  I  read  about  it.  1  read  about 
these  rudimentary  bones  and  muscles.  I  didn't  like  that. 
I  read  that  everybody  had  rudimentary  muscles  coming 
from  the  ear  right  down  here  (indicating);  that  the  most 
intellectual  people  in  the  world  have  got  them.  I  say, 
"What  are  they?"  "Rudimentary  muscles."  "What 
kind  of  muscles?"  "  Muscles  that  your  ancestors  used 
to  have  fully  developed."  "What  for?"  "To  flap 
their  ears  with." 

Weli,  whether  we  ever  had  them  or  not,  I  know  of  lots 
of  men  who  ought  to  have  them  yet.  And  finally  I  said, 
"Well,  I  guess  we  came  up  from  the  lower  animals."  I 
thought  it  all  over;  the  best  I  could,  and  I  said,  "  I  guess 
we  did."  And  after  a  while  I  began  to  like  it,  and  I  like 
it  better  now  than  I  did  before. 

Do  you  know  that  I  would  rather  belong  to  a  race 
that  started  with  skull-less  vertebrae  in  the  dim  Lauren- 
tian  seas,  wiggling  without  knowing  why  they  wiggled, 


LIBERTY.  523 

swimming  without  knowing  where  they  were  going;  but 
kept  developing  and  getting  a  little  further  up  and  a  lit- 
tle further  up,  all  through  the  animal  world,  and  finally 
striking  this  chap  in  the  dug-out  A  getting  a  little  big- 
ger, and  this  fellow  calling  that  fellow  a  heretic,  and  that 
fellow  calling  the  other  an  infidel,  and  so  on.  For  in 
the  history  of  the  world,  the  man  who  has  been  ahead  has 
always  been  called  a  heretic.  Recollect  this!  • 

I  would  rather  come  from  a  race  that  started  from  that 
skull-less  vertebrae,  and  came  up  and  up  and  up,  and 
finally  produced  Shakespeare,  who  found  the  human  in- 
tellect wallowing  in  a  hut,  and  touched  it  with  a  wand 
of  his  genius,  and  it  became  a  palace — dome  and  pinna- 
cle. I  would  rather  belong  to  a  race  that  commenced 
then,  and  produced  Shakespeare,  with  the  eternal  hope 
of  an  infinite  future  for  the  children  of  progress  leading 
from  the  far  horizon,  beckoning  men  forward — forward 
and  onward  forever.  I  had  rather  belong  to  this  race, 
and  commence  there,  with  that  hope,  than  to  have 
sprung  from  a  perfect  pair  on  which  the  Lord  has  lost 
money  every  day  since. 

These  are  the  excuses  I  have  for  my  race. 

Now,  my  friends,  let  me  say  another  thing.  I  do  not 
pretend  to  have  floated  even  with  the  heights  of  thought; 
I  do  not  pretend  to  have  fathomed  the  abyss.  All  I 
pretend  is  to  give  simply  my  honest  thought.  Every 
creed  that  we  have  to-day  has  upon  it  the  mark  of  whip 
and  chain  and  fagot.  I  do  not  want  it.  Free  labor 
will  give  us  wealth,  and  has  given  us  wealth,  and  why? 
Because  a  free  brain  goes  into  partnership  with  a  free 
hand.  That  is  why.  And  when  a  man  works  for  his 
wife  and  children,  the  problem  of  liberty  is,  how  to  do 


524  INGERSOLLS  LECTURES. 

the  most  work  in  the  shortest  space  of  time;  but  the 
problem  of  slavery  is,  how  to  do  the  least  work  in  the 
longest  space  of  time.  Slavery  is  poverty;  liberty  is 
wealth. 

It  is  the  same  in  thought.  Free  thought  will  give  us 
truth;  and  the  man  who  is  not  in  favor  of  free  thought 
occupies  the  same  relation  to  those  he  can  govern  that 
the  slaveholder  occupied  to  his  slaves,  exactly.  Free 
thought  will  give  us  wealth.  There  has  not  been  a  gen- 
eration of  free  thought  yet.  It  will  be  time  to  write  a 
creed  when  there  have  been  a  few  generations  of  free-^ 
brained  men  and  splendid  women  in  this  world.  I  don't 
know  what  the  future  may  bring  forth;  I  don't  know 
what  inventions  are  in  the  brain  of  the  future;  I  don't 
know  what  garments  may  be  woven,  with  the  years  to 
come;  but  I  do  know,  coming  from  the  infinite  sea  of 
the  future,  there  will  never  touch  this  ' '  bank  and  shoal  of 
time  "  a  greater  blessing,  a  grander  glory,  than  liberty 
for  man,  woman  and  child. 

Oh,  liberty!  Float  not  forever  in  the  far  horizon! 
Remain  not  forever  in  the  dream  of  the  enthusiast  and 
the  poet  and  the  philanthropist!  But  come  and  take  up 
thine  abode  with  the  children  of  men  forever! 


LNGERSOLLS    LECTURE 


—ON — 


ORTHODOXY" 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN:  It  is  utterly  inconceivable 
that  any  man  believing  in  the  truth  of  the  Christian 
religion  could  publicly  deny  it,  because  he  who  believes 
in  that  religion  would  believe  that,  by  a  public  denial,  he 
would  peril  the  eternal  salvation  of  his  soul.  It  is  con- 
ceivable, and  without  any  great  effort  of  the  mind,  that 
millions  who  don't  believe  in  the  Christian  religion  should 
openly  say  that  they  did.  In  a  country  where  religion  is 
supposed  to  be  in  power — where  it  has  rewards  for  pre- 
tense, where  it  pays  a  premium  upon  hypocrisy,  where  it 
at  least  is  willing  to  purchase  silence — it  is  easily  con- 
ceivable that  millions  pretend  to  believe  what  they  do 
not.  And  yet  I  believe  it  has  been  charged  against  my- 
self, not  only  that  I  was  insincere,  but  that  I  took  the 
side  I  am  on  for  the  sake  of  popularity;  and  the  audience 
to-night  goes  far  toward  justifying  the  accusation. 

It  gives  me  immense  pleasure  to  say  to  this  immense 

525 


526  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

audience  that  orthodox  religion  is  dying  out  of  the  civil- 
ized world.  It  is  a  sick  man.  It  has  been  attacked 
with  two  diseases — softening  of  the  brain  and  ossification 
of  the  heart.  It  is  a  religion  that  no  longer  satisfies  the 
intelligence  of  this  country;  a  religion  that  no  longer 
satisfies  the  brain;  a  religion  against  which  the  heart  of 
every  civilized  man  and  woman  protests.  It  is  a  religion 
that  gives  hope  only  to  a  few;  a  religion  that  puts  a 
shadow  upon  the  cradle;  a  religion  that  wraps  the  coffin 
in  darkness  and  fills  the  future  of  mankind  with  flame 
and  fear.  It  is  a  religion  that  I  am  going  to  do  what 
little  I  can  while  I  live  to  destroy;  and  in  its  place  I 
want  humanity,  I  want  good-fellowship,  I  want  a  brain 
without  a  chain,  I  want  a  religion  that  every  good  heart 
will  cheerfully  applaud. 

We  must  remember  that  this  is  a  world  of  progress,  a 
world  of  change.  There  is  perpetual  death  and  there  is 
perpetual  birth .  By  the  grave  of  the  old  forever  stands 
youth  and  joy;  and,  when  an  old  religion  dies,  a  better 
one  is  born.  When  we  find  but  that  an  assertion  is  a 
falsehood,  a  shining  truth  takes  its  place,  and  we  need 
not  fear  the  destruction  of  the  false.  The  more  false  we 
destroy  the  more  room  there  will  be  for  the  true.  There 
was  a  time  when  the  astrologer  sought  to  read  in  the 
stars  the  fate  of  men  and  nations.  The  astrologer  has 
faded  from  the  world,  but  the  astronomer  has  taken  his 
place.  There  was  a  time  when  the  poor  alchemist,  bent 
and  wrinkled  and  old,  over  his  crucible,  endeavored  to 
find  some  secret  by  which  he  could  change  the  baser 
metals  into  purest  gold.  The  alchemist  is  gone;  the 
chemist  took  his  place;  and,  although  he  finds  nothing 
to  change  metals  into  gold,  he  finds  something  that  cov- 


ORTHODOXY.  527 

ers  the  earth  with  wealth.  There  was  a  time  when  the 
soothsayer  and  auger  flourished,  and  after  them  came 
the  parson  and  the  priest;  and  the  parson  and  priest 
must  go.  The  preacher  must  go,  and  in  his  place  must 
come  the  teacher — that  real  interpreter  of  nature.  We 
are  done  with  the  supernatural.  We  are  through  with 
the  miraculous  and  the  wonderful.  There  was  once  a 
prophet  who  pretended  to  read  in  the  book  of  the  future. 
His  place  was  taken  by  the  philosopher,  who  reasons 
from  cause  to  effect — a  man  who  finds  the  facts  by  which 
he  is  surrounded  and  endeavors  to  reason  from  these 
premises,  and  to  tell  what  in  all  probability  will  happen 
in  the  future.  The  prophet  is  gone,  the  philosopher  is 
here.  There  was  a  time  when  man  sought  aid  entirely 
from  heaven — when  he  prayed  to  the  deaf  sky.  There 
was  a  time  when  the  world  depended  upon  the  supernat- 
uralist.  That  time  in  Christendom  has  passed.  We 
now  depend  upon  the  naturalist — not  upon  the  disciple 
of  faith,  but  upon  the  discoverer  of  facts — upon  the 
demonstrator  of  truth.  At  last  we  are  beginning  to 
build  upon  a  solid  foundation,  and  just  as  we  progress 
the  supernatural  must  die. 

Religion  of  the  supernatural  kind  will  fade  from  this 
world,  and  in  its  place  we  will  have  reason.  In  the  place 
of  the  worship  of  something  we  know  not  of,  will  be  the 
religion  of  mutual  love  and  assistance — -the  great  religion 
of  reciprocity.  Superstition  must  go.  Science  will  re- 
main. The  church,  however,  dies  a  little  hard.  The 
brain  of  the  world  is  not  yet  developed.  There  are 
intellectual  diseases  the  same  as  diseases  of  the  body. 
Intellectual  mumps  and  measles  still  afflict  mankind. 
Whenever  the  new  comes,  the  old  protests,  and  the  old 


528  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

fights  for  its  place  as  long  as  it  has  a  particle  of  power. 
And  we  are  now  having  the  same  warfare  between  super- 
stition and  science  that  there  was  between  the  stage- 
coach and  the  locomotive.  But  the  stage-coach  had  to 
go.  It  had  its  day  of  glory  and  power,  but  it  is  gone.  It 
went  West.  In  a  little  while  it  will  be  driven  into  the 
Pacific,  with  the  last  Indian  aboard.  So  we  find  that 
there  is  the  same  conflict  between  the  different  sects  and 
the  different  schools,  not  only  of  philosophy,  but  of  med- 
icine. Recollect  that  everything  except  the  demonstrated 
truth  is  liable  to  die.  That  is  the  order  of  nature. 
Words  die.  Every  language  has  a  cemetery.  Every 
now  and  then  a  word  dies  and  a  tombstone  is  erected, 
and  across  it  is  written  the  word  "obsolete."  New  words 
are  continually  being  born.  There  is  a  cradle  in  which 
a  word  is  rocked.  A  thought  is  molded  to  a  sound,  and 
the  child-word  is  born.  And  then  comes  a  time  when 
the  word  gets  old,  and  wrinkled,  and  expressionless,  and 
is  carried  mournfully  to  the  grave,  and  that  is  the  end  of 
it.  So  in  the  schools  of  medicine.  You  can  remember, 
so  can  I,  when  the  old  alopathists  reigned  supreme.  If 
there  was  anything  the  matter  with  a  man,  they  let  out 
his  blood.  Called  to  the  bedside,  they  took  him  to  the 
edge  of  eternity  with  medicine,  and  then  practiced  all 
their  art  to  bring  him  back  to  life.  One  can  hardly 
imagine  how  perfect  a  constitution  it  took  a  few  years 
ago  to  stand  the  assault  of  a  doctor.  And  long  after  it 
was  found  to  be  a  mistake,  hundreds  and  thousands  of 
the  old  physicians  clung  to  it,  carried  around  with  them, 
in  one  pocket,  a  bottle  of  jalap,  and  in  the  other  a  rusty 
lancet,  sorry  that  they  couldn't  find  some  patient  idiotic 
enough  to  allow  the  experiment  to  be  made  again. 


ORTHODOXY.  S29 

So  these  schools,  and  these  theories,  and  these  relig- 
ions die  hard.  What  else  can  they  do?  Like  the  paint- 
ings of  the  old  masters,  they  are  kept  alive  because  so 
much  money  has  been  invested  in  them.  Think  of  the 
amount  of  money  that  has  been  invested  in  superstition! 
Think  of  the  schools  that  have  been  founded  for  the 
more  general  diffusion  of  useless  knowledge!  Think  of 
the  colleges  wherein  men  are  taught  that  it  is  dangerous 
to  think,  and  that  they  must  never  use  their  brains  ex- 
cept in  an  act  of  faith!  Think  of  the  millions  and 
billions  of  dollars  that  have  been  expended  in  churches, 
in  temples  and  in  cathedrals!  Think  of  the  thousands 
and  thousands  of  men  who  depend  for  their  living  upon 
the  ignorance  of  mankind!  Think  of  those  who  grow 
rich  on  credulity  and  who  fatten  on  faith!  Do  you  sup- 
pose they  are  going  to  die  without  a  struggle?  They  will 
die  if  they  don't  struggle.  What  are  they  to  do?  From 
the  bottom  of  my  heart  I  sympathize  with  the  poor  cler- 
gyman that  has  had  all  his  common  sense  educated  out 
of  him,  and  is  now  to  be  thrown  out  upon  the  cold  and 
uncharitable  world.  His  prayers  are  not  answered;  he 
gets'  no  help  from  on  high,  and  the  pews  are  beginning 
to  criticise  the  pulpit.  What  is  the  man  to  do?  If  he 
suddenly  change,  he  is  gone.  If  he  preaches  what  he 
really  believes,  he  will  get  notice  to  quit.  And  yet  if  he 
and  the  congregation  would  come  together  and  be  per- 
fectly honest,  they  would  all  admit  they  didn't  believe 
anything  of  it. 

Only  a  little  while  ago  a  couple  of  ladies  were  riding 
together  from  a  revival  in  a  carriage  late  at  night,  and 
one  said  to  the  other,  as  they  rode  along:  "  I  am  going 
to  say  something  that  will  shock  you,  and  I  beg  of  you 


530  INGERSOLLS  LECTURES. 

never  to  tell  it  to  anybody  else.  I  am  going  to  tell  it  to 
you."  "Well,  what  is  it?"  Says  she:  "I  don't  believe 
in  the  bible."  The  other  replied:  "Neither  do  I."  I 
have  often  thought  how  splendid  it  would  be  if  the  min- 
isters could  but  come  together  and  say:  "Now  let  us  be 
honest.  Let  us  tell  each  other,  honor  bright — like  Dr. 
Currie  did  in  the  meeting  here  the  other  day — let  us  tell 
just  what  we  believe."  They  tell  a  story  that  in  the  old, 
time  a  lot  of  people,  about  twenty,  were  in  Texas  in  a 
little  hotel,  and  one  fellow  got  up  before  the  fire,  put  his 
hands  behind  him,  and  says  he:  "Boys,  let  us  all  tell 
our  real  names."  If  the  ministers  and  the  congregations 
would  only  tell  their  real  thoughts  they  would  find  that 
they  are  nearly  as  bad  as  I  am,  and  that  they  believe 
just  about  as  little. 

Now,  I  have  been  talking  a  great  deal  about  the  ortho- 
dox religion;  and,  after  having  delivered  a  lecture,  I 
would  meet  some  good,  religious  person,  and  he  would 
say  to  me:  "You  don't  tell  it  as  we  believe  it."  "Well, 
but  I  tell  it  as  you  have  it  written  in  your  creed."  "Oh, 
well,"  he  says,  "we  don't  mind  that  any  more."  "Well, 
why  don't  you  change  it?"  "Oh,  well,"  he  says,  "we 
understand  it."  Possibly  the  creed  is  in  the  best  possi- 
ble condition  for  them  now.  There  is  a  tacit  understand- 
ing that  they  don't  believe  it.  There  is  a  tacit  under- 
standing that  they  have  got  some  way  to  get  around  it, 
that  they  read  between  the  lines;  and  if  they  should  meet 
now  to  form  a  creed,  they  might  fail  to  agree;  and  the 
creed  is  now  so  that  they  can  say  as  they  please,  except 
in  public.  Whenever  they  do  so  in  public,  the  church, 
in  self-defense,  must  try  them;  and  I  believe  in  trying 
«very  minister  that  doesn't  preach  the  doctrine  as  he 


ORTHODOXY.  53 1 

agrees  to.  I  have  not  the  slightest  sympathy  with  a 
Presbyterian  preacher  who  endeavors  to  preach  infidelity 
from  his  pulpit  and  receive  Presbyterian  money.  When 
he  changes  his  views,  he  should  step  down  and  out  like 
a  man,  and  say:  "I  don't  believe  your  doctrine,  and  I 
will  not  preach  it.  You  must  hire  some  bigger  fool  than 
I  am." 

But  I  find  that  I  get  the  creed  very  nearly  right.  To- 
day there  was  put  into  my  hands  the  new  Congregational 
creed.  I  have  just  read  it,  and  I  thought  I  would  call 
your  attention  to  it  to-night,,  to  find  whether  the  church 
has  made  any  advance;  to  find  whether  it  has  been 
affected  by  the  light  of  science;  to  find  whether  the  sun 
of  knowledge  has  risen  in  the  heavens  in  vain;  whether 
they  are  still  the  children  of  intellectual  darkness;  whether 
they  still  consider  it  necessary  for  you  to  believe  some- 
thing that  you  by  no  possibility  can  understand,  in  order 
to  be  a  winged  angel  forever.  Now,  let  us  see  what  their 
creed  is.  I  will  read  a  little  of  it.  They  commence  by 
saying  that  they  "believe  in  one  God,  the  Father 
Almighty,  maker  of  heaven,  and  of  earth,  and  of  all 
things  visible  and  invisible."  I  am  perfectly  willing  that 
He  should  make  the  invisible,  if  they  want  Him  to.  They 
say,  now,  that  there  is  this  one  personal  God;  that  He  is 
the  maker  of  the  universe,  and  its  ruler.  I  again  ask  the 
old  question:  of  what  did  He  make  it?  If  matter  has 
not  existed  through  eternity,  then  this  God  made  it.  Of 
what  did  He  make  it?  What  did  He  use  for  the  pur- 
pose? There  was  nothing  in  the  universe  except  this 
God.  What  had  the  God  been  doing  for  the  eternity  He 
had  been  living?  He  had  made  nothing — called  nothing 
into  existence;  never  had  had  an  idea,  because  it  is  im- 


532  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

possible  to  have  an  idea  unless  there  is  something  to 
excite  an  idea.  What  had  He  been  doing?  Why  doesn't 
the  Congregational  Church  tell  us?  How  do  they  know 
about  this  infinite  being?  And  if  He  is  infinite,  how  can 
they  comprehend  Him?  What  good  is  it  to  believe 
something  that  you  don't  understand — that  you  never 
can  understand?  In  the  old  creeds  they  described  this 
God  as  a  being  without  body  and  parts  or  passions. 
Think  of  that!  Something  without  body  and  parts  or 
passions.  I  defy  any  man  in  the  world  to  write  a  letter 
descriptive  of  nothing.  You  can  not  conceive  of  a  finer 
word-painting  of  a  vacuum  than  a  something  without 
body  and  parts  or  passions.  And  yet  this  God,. without 
passions,  is  angry  at  the  wicked  every  day;  this  God, 
without  passions,  is  a  jealous  God,  whose  anger  burneth 
to  the  lowest  hell .  This  God,  without  passions,  loves 
the  whole  human  race,  and  this  God,  without  passions, 
damns  a  large  majority  of  the  same.  So,  too,  He  is  the 
ruler  of  the  world,  and  I  find  here  that  we  find  His  prov- 
idence in  the  government  of  the  nations.  What  nations? 
What  evidence  can  you  find,  if  you  are  absolutely  honest 
and  not  frightened,  in  the  history  of  nations,  that  this 
universe  is  presided  over  by  an  infinitely  wise  and  good 
God?  How  do  you  account  for  Russia?  How  do  you 
account  for  Siberia?  How  do  you  account  for  the  fact 
that  whole  races  of  men  toiled  beneath  the  master's  lash 
for  ages  without  recompense  and  without  reward?  How 
do  you  account  for  the  fact  that  babes  were  sold 
from  the  arms  of  mothers — arms  that  had  been  reached 
toward  God  in  supplication?  How  do  you  account  for  it? 
How  do  you  account  for  the  existence  of  martyrs?  How 
do  you  account  for  the  fact  that  this  God  allows  people 


ORTHODOXY.  533 

to  be  burned  simply  for  loving  Him?  How  do  you  ac- 
count for  the  fact  that  justice  doesn't  always  triumph? 
How  do  you  account  for  the  fact  that  innocence  is  not  a 
perfect  shield  ?  How  do  you  account  for  the  fact  that 
the  world  has  been  filled  with  pain,  and  grief,  and  tears? 
How  do  you  account  for  the  fact  that  people  have  been 
swallowed  by  volcanoes,  swept  from  the  earth  by  storms, 
dying  by  famine,  if  there  is  above  us  a  ruler  who  is  in- 
finitely good  and  infinitely  powerful? 

I  don't  say  there  is  none.  I  don't  know.  As  I  have 
said  before,  this  is  the  only  planet  I  was  ever  on.  I  live 
in  one  of  the  rural  districts  of  the  universe.  I  know  not 
about  these  things  as  much  as  the  clergy.  And  if  they 
know  no  more  about  the  other  world  than  they  do  about 
this,  it  is  not  worth  mentioning.  How  do  they  answer 
all  this?  They  say  that  God  "permits  it."  What  would 
you  say  to  me  if  I  stood  by  and  saw  a  ruffian  beat  out 
the  brains  of  a  child,  when  I  had  full  and  perfect  power 
to  prevent  it?  You  would  say  truthfully  that  I  was  as 
bad  as  the  murderer.  That  is  what  you  would  say.  Is 
it  possible  for  this  God  to  prevent  it?  Then,  if  He 
doesn't,  He  is  a  fiend;  He  is  not  good.  But  they  say  He 
' '  permits  it . "  What  for?  So  we  may  have  freedom  of 
choice.  What  for?  So  that  God  may  find,  I  suppose, 
who  are  good  and  who  are  bad.  Didn't  He  know  that 
when  He  made  us?  Did  He  not  know  exactly  just  what 
He  was  making?  Why  should  He  make  those  whom  He 
knew  would  be  criminals?  If  I  should  make  a  machine 
that  would  walk  your  streets  and  commit  murder,  you 
would  hang  me.  Why  not  ?  And  if  God  made  a  man 
whom  He  knew  would  commit  murder,  then  God  is  guilty 
of  that  murder.  If  God  made  a  man,  knowing  he  would 


534  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

beat  his  wife,  that  he  would  starve  his  children,  that  he 
would  str%w  on  either  side  of  his  path  of  life  the  wrecks 
of  ruined  homes,  then,  I  say,  the  being  who  called  that 
wretch  into  existence  is  directly  responsible.  And  yet 
we  are  to  find  the  providence  of  God  in  the  history  of 
nations.  What  little  I  have  read  shows  me  that  when 
man  has  been  helped,  man  had  to  do  it;  when  the  chains 
of  slavery  have  been  broken,  they  have  been  broken  by 
man;  when  something  bad  has  been  done  in  the  govern- 
ment of  mankind,  it  is  easy  to  trace  it  to  man,  and  to  fix 
the  responsibility  upon  human  beings.  You  will  not  look 
to  the  sky;  you  need  throw  neither  praise  nor  blame; 
you  can  find  the  efficient  causes  nearer  home  —  right 
here. 

What  is  the  next  thing  I  find  in  this  creed?  "  We  be- 
lieve that  man  was  made  in  the  image  of  God,  that  he 
might  know,  love  and  obey  God,  and  enjoy  Him  for- 
ever. "  I  don't  believe  that  anybody  ever  did  love  God, 
because  nobody  ever  knew  anything  about  Him.  We 
love  each  other.  We  love  something  that  we  know. 
We  love  something  that  our  experience  tells  us  is  good 
and  great,  and  good  and  beautiful.  We  cannot  by  any 
possibility  love  the  unknown.  We  can  love  truth,  be- 
cause truth  adds  to  human  happiness.  We  can  love 
justice,  because  it  preserves  human  joy.  We  can  love 
charity.  We  can  love  every  form  of  goodness  that  we 
know,  or  of  which  we  can  conceive,  but  we  cannot  love 
the  infinitely  unknown.  And  how  can  we  be  made  in 
the  image  of  something  that  has  neither  body  and  parts 
nor  passions? 

"That  our  first  parents,  by  disobedience,  fell  under 
the  condemnation  of  God,  and  that  all  men  are  so  alien- 


ORTHODOXY.  535 

ated  from  God  that  there  is  no  salvation  from  the  guilt 
and  power  of  sin  except  through  God's  redeeming  power." 
Is  there  an  intelligent  man  or  woman  now  in  the  world 
who  believes  in  the  Garden  of  Eden  story?  If  there  is, 
strike  here  (tapping  his  forehead)  and  you  will  hear  an 
echo.  Something  is  for  rent.  Does  any  human  being 
now  believe  that  God  made  man  of  dust  and  a  woman  of 
a  rib,  and  put  them  in  a  garden,  and  put  a  tree  in  the 
middle  of  it?  Wasn't  there  room  outside  of  the  garden 
to  put  His  tree,  if  He  didn't  want  people  to  eat  His 
apple?  If  I  didn't  want  a  man  to  eat  my  fruit  I  would 
not  put  him  in  my  orchard. 

Does  anybody  now  believe  in  the  snake  story?  I  pity 
any  man  or  woman  who,  in  this  nineteenth  century,  be- 
lieves in  that  childish  fable.  Why  did  they  disobey? 
Why,  they  were  tempted.  Who  by?  The  devil.  Who 
made  the  devil?  What  did  He  make  him  for?  Why 
didn't  He  tell  Adam  and  Eve  about  this  fellow?  Why 
didn't  he  watch  the  devil  instead  of  watching  Adam  and 
Eve?  Instead  of  turning  them  out,  why  didn't  He  keep 
him  from  getting  in?  Why  didn't  He  have  His  flood  first 
and  drown  the  devil,  before  He  made  man  and  woman? 

And  yet  people  who  call  themselves  intelligent — pro- 
fessors in  colleges  and  presidents  of  venerable  institutions 
— teach  children,  and  young  men  who  ought  to  be  chil- 
dren, that  the  Garden  of  Eden  story  is  an  absolute,  his- 
torical fact!  Well,  I  guess  it  will  not  be  long  until  that 
will  fade  from  the  imagination  of  men.  I  defy  any  man 
to  think  of  a  more  childish  thing.  This  God  waiting 
around  there,  knowing  all  the  while  what  would  happen, 
made  them  on  purpose  so  it  would  happen;  and  then 
what  does  he  do?  Holds  all  of  us  responsible;  and  we 


536  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

were  not  there.  Here  is  a  representative  before  the  con- 
stituency had  been  born.  Before  I  am  bound  by  a  rep- 
resentative, I  want  a  chance  to  vote  for  or  against  him; 
and  if  I  had  been  there,  a.id  known  all  the  circumstances, 
I  should  have  voted  against  him.  And  yet,  I  am  held 
responsible. 

What  did  Adr.m  do?  I  cannot  see  that  it  amounted  to 
much  anyway.  A  god  that  can  create  something  out  of 
nothing  ought  not  to  have  complained  of  the  loss  of  an 
apple.  I  can  hardly  have  the  patience  to  speak  upon 
such  a  subject. 

Now,  that  absurdity  gave  birth  to  another — that,  while 
we  could  be  rightfully  charged  with  the  rascality  of 
somebody  else,  we  could  also  be  credited  with  the  virtues 
of  somebody  else;  and  the  atonement  is  the  absurdity 
which  offsets  the  other  absurdity  of  the  fall  of  man.  Let 
us  leave  them  both  out;  it  reads  a  great  deal  better  with 
both  of  them  out;  it  makes  better  sense. 

Now,  in  consequence  of  that,  everybody  is  alienated 
from  God.  How?  Why?  Oh,  we  are  all  depraved, 
you  know;  we  all  want  to  do  wrong.  Well,  why?  Is 
that  because  we  are  depraved?  No.  Why  do  we  make 
so  many  mistakes?  Because  there  is  only  on^  right  way, 
and  there  is  an  almost  infinite  number  of  wrong  ones; 
and  as  long  as  we  are  not  perfect  in  our  intellects  we 
must  make  mistakes.  There  is  no  darkness  but  igno- 
rance; and  alienation,  as  they  call  it,  from  God,  is  sim- 
ply a  lack  of  intellect  upon  our  part.  Why  were  we  not 
given  better  brains?  That  may  account  for  the  aliena- 
tion. But  the  church  teaches  that  every  soul  that  finds 
its  way  to  the  shore  of  this  world  is  against  God — natu- 
rally hates  God;  that  the  little  dimpled  child  in  the 


ORTHODOXY.  537 

cradle  is  simply  a  chunk  of  depravity.  Everybody  against 
God!  It  is  a  libel  upon  the  human  race;  it  is  a  libel 
upon  all  the  men  who  have  worked  for  wife  and  child;  it 
is  a  libel  upon  all  the  wives  who  have  suffered  and 
labored,  wept  and  worked  for  children;  it  is  a  libel  upon 
all  the  men  who  have  died  for  their  country;  it  is  a  libel 
upon  all  who  have  fought  for  human  liberty;  it  is  a  libel 
upon  the  human  race.  Leave  out  the  history  of  the 
church,  and  there  is  nothing  in  this  world  to  prove  the 
depravity  of  man  left. 

Everybody  that  comes  is  against  God.  Every  soul, 
they  think,  is  like  the  wrecked  Irishman.  He  was 
wrecked  in  the  sea  and  drifted  to  an  unknown  island, 
and  as  he  climbed  up  the  shore  he  saw  a  man,  and  said 
to  him,  ''Have  you  a  government  here?"  The  man 
said,  "We  have."  "Weil, "said  he,  "lam  agin  it!" 
The  church  teaches  us  that  that  is  the  attitude  of  every 
soul  in  the  universe  of  God.  Ought  a  god  to  take  any 
credit  to  himself  for  making  depraved  people?  A  god 
that  cannot  make  a  soul  that  is  not  totally  depraved,  I 
respectfully  suggest,  should  retire  from  the  business. 
And  if  a  god  has  made  us,  knowing  that  we  would  be 
totally  depraved,  why  should  we  go  to  the  same  being 
for  repairs? 

What  is  the  next?  "That  all  men  are  so  alienated 
from  God  that  there  is  no  salvation  from  the  guilt  and 
power  of  his  sin  except  through  God's  redeeming  grace." 

Reformation  is  not  enough.  If  the  man  who  steals 
becomes  perfectly  honest,  that  is  not  enough;  if  the  man 
who  hates  his  fellow-man  changes  and  loves  his  fellow- 
man,  that  is  not  enough;  he  must  go  through  the  myste- 
rious thing  called  the  second  birth;  he  must  be  born 


538  TNGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

again.  That  is  not  enough  unless  he  has  faith;  he  must 
believe  something  that  he  does  not-  understand.  Refor- 
mation is  not  enough;  there  must  be  what  they  call  con- 
version. I  deny  it .  According  to  the  church,  nothing 
so  excites  the  wrath  of  God — nothing  so  corrugates  the 
brows  of  Jehovah  with  revenge — as  a  man  relying  on  his 
own  good  works.  He  must  admit  that  he  ought  to  be 
damned,  and  that  of  the  two  he  prefers  it,  before  God 
will  consent  to  save  him.  I  saw  a  man  the  other  day, 
and  he  said  to  me,  "  I  am  a  Unitarian  Universalist;  that 
is  what  I  am."  Said  I,  "  What  do  you  mean  by  that?" 
"Well,"  said  he,  "here  is  what  I  mean:  the  Unitarian 
thinks  he  is  too  good  to  be  damned,  and  the  Universalist 
thinks  God  is  too  good  to  damn  him,  and  I  believe  them 
both." 

What  is  the  next  thing  in  this  great  creed? 

"We  believe  that  the  scriptures  of  the  old  and  new 
testaments  are  the  records  of  God's  revelation  of  Him- 
self in  the  work  of  redemption;  that  they  are  written  by 
men,  under  the  special  guidance  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  and 
that  they  constitute  an  authoritative  standard  by  which 
religious  teaching  and  human  conduct  are  to  be  regulated 
and  judged." 

This  is  the  creed  of  the  Congregational  Church;  that 
is,  it  is  the  result  of  the  high-joint  commission  appointed 
to  draw  up  a  creed  for  churches;  and  there  we  have  the 
statement  that  the  bible  was  written  "  by  men,  under  the 
special  guidance  of  the  Holy  Spirit."  What  part  of  the 
bible?  All  of  it;  all  of  it;  and  yet  what  is  this  old  testa- 
ment that  was  written  by  an  infinitely  good  God?  The 
being  who  wrote  it  did  not  know  the  shape  of  the  world 
He  had  made.  The  being  who  wrote  it  knew  nothing  of 


ORTHODOXY.  539 

human  nature;  He  commands  men  to  love  Him,  as  if 
one  could  love  upon  command.  The  same  God  upheld 
the  institution  of  human  slavery;  and  the  church  says 
the  bible  that  upholds  that  institution  was  written  by 
men  under  the  guidance  of  the  Holy  Spirit.  Then  I  dis- 
agree with  the  Holy  Ghost  upon  that  institution. 

The  church  tells  us  that  men,  under  the  guidance  of 
the  Holy  Ghost,  upheld  the  institution  of  polygamy — I 
deny  it;  that  under  the  guidance  of  the  Holy.Ghost  these 
men  upheld  wars  of  extermination  and  conquest — I  deny 
it;  that  under  the  guidance  of  the  Holy  Ghost  these  men 
wrote  that  it  was  right  for  a  man  to  destroy  the  life  of 
his  wife  if  she  happened  to  differ  with  him  on  the  subject 
of  religion — I  deny  it.  And  yet  that  is  the  book  now 
upheld  in  this  creed  of  the  Congregational  Church.  If 
the  devil  had  written  upon  the  subject  of  slavery,  which 
side  v/ould  he  have  taken?  Let  every  minister  answer, 
honor  bright.  If  you  knew  the  devil  had  written  a  little 
work  on  human  slavery,  in  your  judgment  would  he  up- 
hold slavery  or  denounce  it?  Would  you  regard  it  as 
any  evidence  that  he  ever  wrote  it  if  he  upheld  slavery? 
And  yet,  here  you  have  a  work  upholding  slavery,  and 
you  say  that  it  was  written  by  an  infinitely  good,  wise 
and  beneficent  God!  If  the  devil  upheld  polygamy  would 
you  be  surprised?  If  the  devil  wanted  to  kill  somebody 
for  differing  with  him  would  you  be  surprised?  If  the 
devil  told  a  man  to  kill  his  wife,  would  you  be  aston- 
ished? And  yet,  you  say,  that  is  exactly  what  the  God 
of  us  all  did.  If  there  be  a  God,  then  that  creed  is  blas- 
phemy. That  creed  is  a  libel  upon  Him  who  sits  upon 
heaven's  throne.  I  want — if  there  be  a  God — I  want 
Him  to  write  in  the  book  of  His  eternal  remembrance 
that  I  denied  these  lies  for  Him. 


540  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

I  do  not  believe  in  a  slave-holding  God;  I  do  not  wor- 
ship a  polygamous  Holy  Ghost;  I  do  not  get  upon  my 
knees  before  any  being  who  commands  a  husband  to  slay 
his  wife  because  she  expresses  her  honest  thought . 

Did  it  ever  occur  to  you  that  if  God  wrote  the  old  tes- 
tament, and  told  the  Jews  to  crucify  or  kill  anybody  that 
disagreed  with  them  on  religion,  and  that  God  afterward 
took  upon  Himself  flesh  and  came  to  Jerusalem,  and 
taught  a  different  religion,  and  the  Jews  killed  Him — did 
it  ever  occur  to  you  that  He  reaped  exactly  what  he  had 
sown?  Did  it  ever  occur  to  you  that  He  fell  a  victim  to 
His  own  tyranny,  and  was  destroyed  by  His  own  law! 
Of  course  I  do  not  believe  that  any  God  ever  was  the 
author  of  the  bible,  or  that  any  God  was  ever  crucified, 
or  that  any  God  was  ever  killed  or  ever  will  be,  but  I 
want  to  ask  you  that  question. 

Take  this  old  testament,  then,  with  all  its  stories  of 
murder  and  massacre;  with  all  its  foolish  and  cruel 
fables;  with  all  its  infamous  doctrines;  with  its  spirit  of 
caste;  with  its  spirit  of  hatred,  and  tell  me  whether  it 
was  written  by  a  good  God.  Why,  if  you  will  read  the 
maledictions  and  curses  of  that  book,  you  would  think 
that  God,  like  Lear,  had  divided  heaven  among  his 
daughters,  and  then,  in  the  insanity  of  despair,  had 
launched  his  curses  upon  the  human  race. 

And  yet,  I  must  say — I  must  admit — that  the  old  tes- 
tament is  better  than  the  new.  In  the  old  testament, 
when  God  got  a  man  dead,  He  let  him  alone.  When 
He  saw  him  quietly  in  his  grave  He  was  satisfied.  The 
muscles  relaxed,  and  a  smile  broke  over  the  Divine  face. 
But  in  the  new  testament  the  trouble  commences  just  at 
death.  In  the  new  testament  God  is  to  wreak  His  re- 
venge forever  and  ever.  It  was  reserved  for  one  who 


ORTHODOXY.  541 

said,  "  Love  your  enemies,"  to  tear  asunder  the  veil  be- 
tween time  and  eternity  and  fix  the  horrified  gaze  of  men 
upon  the  gulfs  of  eternal  fire,  The  new  testament  is  just 
as  much  worse  than  the  old,  as  hell  is  worse  than  sleep; 
just  as  much  worse  as  infinite  cruelty  is  worse  than  anni- 
hilation; and  yet,  the  new  testament  is  pointed  to  as  a 
gospel  of  love  and  peace. 

But  "more  of  that  hereafter,"  as  the  ministers  say. 

' '  We  believe  that  Jesus  Christ  came  to  establish  among 
men  the  Kingdom  of  God,  the  reign  of  truth  and  love,  of 
righteousness  and  peace." 

Well,  that  may  have  been  the  object  of  Jesus  Christ. 
I  do  not  deny  it.  But  what  was  the  result?  The  Chris- 
tian world  has  caused  more  war  than  all  the  rest  of  the 
world  besides;  all  the  cunning  instruments  of  death  have 
been  devised  by  Christians;  all  the  wonderful  machinery 
by  which  the  brains  are  blown  out  of  a  man,  by  which 
nations  are  conquered  and  subdued — all  these  machines 
have  been  born  in  Christian  brains.  And  yet  He  came 
to  bring  peace,  they  say.  But  the  testament  says  other- 
wise: "  I  came  not  to  bring  peace,  but  a  sword."  And 
the  sword  was  brought.  What  are  the  Christian  nations 
doing  to-day  in  Europe?  Is  there  a  solitary  Christian 
nation  that  will  trust  any  other?  How  many  millions  of 
Christians  are  in  the  uniform  of  everlasting  forgiveness, 
loving  their  enemies? 

There  was  an  old  Spaniard  upon  the  bed  of  death,  and 
he  sent  for  a  priest,  and  the  priest  told  him  that  he  would 
have  to  forgive  his  enemies  before  he  died.  He  says,  "T 
have  not  any."  "What!  no  enemies?"  "Not  one," 
said  the  dying  man:  "  I  killed  the  last  one  three  weeks 
ago." 


542  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

How  many  millions  of  Christians  are  now  armed  and 
equipped  to  destroy  their  fellow-Christians?  Who  are 
the  men  in  Europe  crying  out  against  war?  Who  wishes 
to  have  the  nations  disarmed?  Is  it  the  church?  No;  it 
is  the  men  who  do  hot  believe  in  what  they  call  this  re- 
ligion of  peace.  When  there  is  a  war,  and  when  they 
make  a  few  thousand  widows  and  orphans,  when  they 
strew  the  plain  with  dead  patriots,  then  Christians  as- 
semble in  their  churches  and  sing  '  'Te  Deum  Laudamus" 
to  God.  Why?  Because  He  has  enabled  a  few  of  His 
children  to  kill  some  others  of  His  children.  This  is  the 
religion  of  peace — the  religion  that  invented  the  Krupp 
gun,  that  will  hurl  a  bullet  weighing  2,000  pounds 
through  twenty-four  inches  of  solid  steel.  This  is  the 
religion  of  peace,  that  covers  the  sea  with  men-of-war, 
clad  in  mail,  all  in  the  name  of  universal  forgiveness. 

What  effect  had  this  religion  upon  the  nations  of  the 
earth?  What  have  the  nations  been  fighting  about? 
What  was  the  Thirty  Years'  War  in  Europe  for?  What 
was  the  war  in  Holland  for?  Why  was  it  that  England 
persecuted  Scotland?  Why  is  it  that  England  persecutes 
Ireland  even  unto  this  day?  At  the  bottom  of  every  one 
of  these  conflicts  you  will  find  a  religious  question.  The 
religion  of  Jesus  Christ,  as  preached  by  His  church, 
causes  war,  bloodshed,  hatred,  and  all  uncharitableness; 
and  why?  Because  they  say  a  certain  belief  is  necessary 
to  salvation.  They  do  not  say,  if  you  behave  yourself 
pretty  well  you  will  get  there;  they  do  not  say,  if  you 
pay  your  debts  and  love  your  wife,  and  love  your  chil- 
dren, and  are  good  to  your  friends,  and  your  neighbors, 
and  your  country,  you  will  get  there;  that  will  do  you  no 
good;  you  have  got  to  believe  a  certain  thing.  Oh,  yes. 


ORTHODOXY.  543 

no  matter  how  bad  you  are,  you  can  instantly  be  for- 
given then;  and  no  matter  how  good  you  are,  if  you  fail 
to  believe  that,  the  moment  you  get  to  the  day  of  judg- 
ment nothing  is  left  but  to  damn  you  forever,  and  all  the 
angels  will  shout  "  Hallelujah!" 

What  do  they  teach  to-day?  Every  murderer  goes  to 
heaven;  there  is  only  one  step  from  the  gallows  to  God; 
only  one  jerk  between  the  halter  and  heaven.  That  is 
taught  by  this  same  church.  I  believe  there  ought  to 
be  a  law  to  prevent  the  slightest  religious  consolation 
being  given  to  any  man  who  has  been  guilty  of  murder. 
Let  a  Catholic  understand  that  if  he  imbrues  his  hands 
in  his  brother's  blood,  he  can  have  no  extreme  unction; 
let  it  be  understood  that  he  can  have  no  forgiveness 
through  the  church;  and  let  the  Protestant  understand 
that  when  he  has  committed  that  crime,  the  community 
will  not  pray  him  into  heaven.  Let  him  go  with  his 
victim.  The  victim,  you  know,  dying  in  his  sins,  goes  to 
hell,  and  the  murderer  has  the  happiness  of  seeing  him 
there.  And  if  heaven  grows  dull  and  monotonous,  the 
murderer  can  again  give  life  to  the  nerve  of  pleasure  by 
watching  the  agony  of  his  victim.  I  am  opposed  to  that 
kind  of  forgiveness.  And  yet  that  is  the  religion  of  uni- 
versal peace  to  everybody. 

Now,  what  is  the  next  thing  that  I  wish  to  call  your 
attention  to? 

"  We  believe  in  the  ultimate  prevalence  of  the  King- 
dom of  Christ  over  all  the  earth." 

What  makes  you?  Do  you  judge  from  the  manner  in 
which  you  are  getting  along  now?  How  many  people  are 
being  born  a  year?  About  fifty  millions.  How  many  are 
you  converting  a  year;  really,  truthfully?  Five  or  six 


544  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

thousand.  I  think  I  have  overestimated  the  number.  Is 
orthodox  Christianity  on  the  increase?  No.  There  are 
a  hundred  times  as  many  unbelievers  in  orthodox  Chris- 
tianity as  there  were  ten  years  ago.  What  are  you  doing 
in  the  missionary  world?  How  long  is  it  since  you  con- 
verted a  Chinaman?  A  fine  missionary  religion,  to  send 
missionaries,  with  their  bibles  and  tracts,  to  China,  but  if 
a  Chinaman  comes  here,  mob  him,  simply  to  show  him 
the  difference  between  the  practical  and  theoretical  work- 
ings of  the  Christian  religion.  How  long  since  you  have 
had  a  convert  in  India?  In  my  judgment,  never;  there 
never  has  been  an  intelligent  Hindoo  converted  from  the 
time  the  first  missionary  put  his  foot  upon  that  soil;  and 
never,  in  my  judgment,  has  an  intelligent  Chinaman  been 
converted  since  the  first  missionary  touched  that  shore. 
Where  are  they?  We  hear  nothing  of  them,  except  in 
the  reports.  They  get  money  from  poor  old  ladies,  trem- 
bling on  the  edge  of  the  grave,  and  go  and  tell  them 
stories  how  hungry  the  average  Chinaman  is  for  a  copy 
of  the  new  testament,  and  paint  the  sad  condition  of  a 
gentleman  in  the  interior  of  Africa  without  the  work  of 
Dr.  McCosh,  longing  for  a  copy  of  the  Princeton  Review. 
In  my  judgment,  it  is  a  book  that  would  suit  a  savage. 
Thus  money  is  scared  from  the  dying  and  frightened  from 
the  old  and  feeble.  About  how  long  is  it  before  this 
kingdom  is  to  be  established? 

What  is  the  next  thing  here?  They  all  also  believe  in 
the  resurrection  of  the  dead,  and  in  their  confession  of 
faith  hereto  attached  I  find  they  also  believe  in  the  resur- 
rection of  the  body.  Does  anybody  believe  that,  that 
has  ever  thought?  Here  is  a  man,  for  instance,  that 
weighs  200  pounds,  and  gets  sick  and  dies  weighing  120; 


ORTHODOXY.  545 

how  much  will  he  weigh  in  the  morning  of  the  resurrec- 
tion? Here  is  a  cannibal,  who  eats  another  man;  and 
we  know  that  the  atoms  that  you  eat  go  into  you  body 
and  become  a  part  of  you.  After  the  cannibal  has  eaten 
the  missionary,  and  appropriated  his  atoms  to  himself, 
and  then  he  dies,  who  will  the  atoms  belong  to  in  the 
morning  of  the  resurrection  in  an  action  of  replevin 
brought  by  the  missionary  against  the  cannibal?  It  has 
been  demonstrated  again  and  again  that  there  is  no  crea- 
tion in  nature,  and  no  destruction  in  nature.  It  has  been 
demonstrated  again  and  again  that  the  atoms  that  are  in  us 
have  been  in  millions  of  other  beings;  grown  in  the  forest, 
in  the  grass,  blossomed  in  the  flowers,  been  in  the  metals; 
in  other  words,  there  are  atoms  in  each  one  of  us  that 
have  been  in  millions  of  others,  and  when  we  die  these 
atoms  return  to  the  earth,  an§  again  spring  in  vegetation, 
taken  up  in  the  leaves  of  the  trees,  turned  into  wood. 
And  yet  we  have  a  church,  in  the  nineteenth  century, 
getting  up  this  doctrine,  presided  over  by  professors,  by 
presidents  of  colleges,  and  by  theologians,  who  tell  us 
that  they  believe  in  the  resurrection  of  the  body. 

They  know  better.  There  is  not  one  so  ignorant  but 
what  knows  better. 

And  what  is  the  next  thing?  "  And  in  a  final  judg- 
ment." It  will  be  a  set  day.  All  of  us  will  be  there, 
and  the  thousands,  and  millions,  and  billions,  and 
trillions,  and  quadrillions  that  have  died  will  be  there.  It 
will  be  the  day  of  judgment,  and  the  books  will  be  opened 
and  our  case  will  be  called.  Does  anybody  believe  in 
that  now  that  has  got  the  slightest  sense? — one  who 
knows  enough  to  ' '  chew  gum  without  a  string? " 

' '  The  issues  of  which  are  everlasting  punishment   for 


546  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

the  wicked  and  everlasting  life  for  the  redeemed."  That 
is  the  doctrine  to-day  of  the  Congregational  church,  and 
that  is  the  doctrine  that  I  oppose.  That  is  the  doctrine 
that  I  defy  and  deny. 

But  I  must  hasten  on.  Now  this  comes  to  us  after  all 
the  discussion  that  has  been,  and  we  are  told  that  this 
religion  is  finally  to  conquer  this  world.  This  is  the  same 
religion  that  failed  to  successfully  meet  the  hordes  of 
Mohammed.  Mohammed  wrested  from  the  disciples  of 
the  cross  the  fairest  part  of  Europe.  It  was  known  that 
he  was  an  impostor.  They  knew  he  was  because  the 
people  of  Mecca  said  so,  and  they  knew  that  Christ  was 
not  because  the  people  of  Jerusalem  said  he  was.  This 
impostor  wrested  from  the  disciples  ot  Christ  the  fairest 
part  of  Europe,  and  that  fact  sowed  the  seeds  of  distrust 
and  infidelity  in  the  minds  of  the  Christian  world.  And 
the  next  was  an  effort  to  rescue  from  the  infidels  the 
empty  sepulchre  of  Christ.  That  commenced  in  the 
eleventh  century  and  ended  in  1291.  Europe  was  almost 
depopulated.  For  every  man  owed  a  debt,  the  debt  was 
discharged  if  he  put  a  cross  upon  his  breast  and  joined 
the  Crusades.  No  matter  what  crime  he  had  committed 
the  doors  of  the  prison  were  open  for  him  to  join  the 
Crusades.  And  what  was  the  result?  They  believed  that 
God  would  give  them  victory  over  the  infidel,  and  they 
carried  in  front  of  the  first  Crusade  a  goat  and  a  goose, 
believing  that  both  those  animals  had  been  blessed  by  the 
indwelling  of  the  Holy  Ghost.  And  I  may  say  that  those 
same  animals  are  in  the  lead  to-day  in  the  orthodox 
world.  Until  1291  they  endeavored  to  get  that  sepul- 
chre, until  finally  the  hosts  of  Christ  were  driven  back, 
baffled,  beaten,  and  demoralized — a  poor,  miserable  re- 


ORTHODOXY.  547 

ligious  rabble.  They  were  driven  back,  and  that  fact 
sowed  the  seeds  of  distrust  in  Christendom.  You  know 
at  that  time  the  world  believed  in  trial  by  battle — that 
God  would  take  the  side  of  right — and  there  had  been  a 
trial  by  battle  between  the  Cross  and  Mohammed,  and 
Mohammed  had  been  victorious. 

Well,  what  was  the  next?  You  know  when  Christianity 
came  into  power  it  destroyed  every  statue  it  could  lay  its 
ignorant  hands  upon.  It  defaced  and  obliterated  every 
painting;  it  destroyed  every  beautiful  building;  it  de- 
stroyed the  manuscripts,  both  Greek  and  Latin;  it  de- 
stroyed all  the  history,  all  the  poetry,  all  the  philosophy 
it  could  find,  and  burned  every  library  that  it  could  reach 
with  its  torch.  And  the  result  was  the  night  of  the 
middle  ages  fell  upon  the  human  race.  But  by  accident, 
by  chance,  by  oversight,  a  few  of  the  manuscripts  es- 
caped the  fury  of  religious  zeal;  a  few  statues  had  been 
buried;  and  the  result  was,  that  these  manuscripts  be- 
came the  seed,  the  fruit  of  which  is  our  civilization  of 
to-day.  A  few  forms  of  beauty  were  dug  from  the  earth 
that  had  protected  them,  and  now  the  civilized  world  is 
filled  with  art,  with  painting,  and  with  statuary,  in  spite 
of  the  rage  of  the  early  church. 

What  is  the  next  blow  that  that  this  church  received? 
The  discovery  of  America.  That  is  the  next.  The 
Holy  Ghost,  who  inspired  a  man  to  write  the  bible,  did 
not  know  of  the  existence  of  this  continent,  never  dreamed 
of  it;  the  result  was  that  His  bible  never  spoke  of  it. 
He  did  not  dream  that  the  earth  is  round.  He  believed 
it  was  flat,  although  He  made  it  Himself,  and  at  that 
time  heaven  was  just  up  there  beyond  the  clouds.  There 
was  where  the  gods  lived,  there  was  where  the  angels 


548  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

were,  and  it  was  against  that  heaven  that  Jacob's  ladder 
was  that  the  angels  ascended  and  descended.  It  was  to 
that  heaven  that  Christ  ascended  after  His  resurrection. 
It  was  up  there  where  the  New  Jerusalem  was,  with  its 
streets  of  gold,  and  under  this  earth  was  perdition;  there 
was  where  the  devils  lived;  there  was  where  a  pit  was 
dug  for  all  unbelievers,  and  for  men  who  had  brains,  and 
I  say  that  for  this  reason:  That  just  in  proportion  that 
you  have  brains,  just  in  that  proportion  your  chances  for 
eternal  joy  are  lessened,  according  to  this  religion .  And 
just  in  proportion  that  you  lack  brains,  your  chances  are 
increased.  They  believe,  under  there  that  they  discovered 
America.  They  found  that  the  earth  is  round.  It  was 
circumnavigated  by  Magellan.  In  1519  that  brave  man 
set  sail.  The  church  told  him:  "The  earth  is  flat,  my 
friend;  don't  go  off.  You  will  go  off  the  edge."  Magellan 
said:  "  I  have  seen  the  shadow  of  the  earth  upon  the 
moon,  and  I  have  more  confidence  in  the  shadow  even 
than  I  have  in  the  church."  The  ship  went  round.  The 
earth  was  circumnavigated.  Science  passed  its  hand 
above  it  and  beneath  it,  and  where  was  the  heaven,  and 
where  was  the  hell?  Vanished  forever!  And  they  dwell 
now  only  in  the  religion  of  superstition.  We  found  there 
was  no  place  for  Jacob's  ladder  to  lean  against;  no  place 
there  for  the  gods  and  angels  to  live;  no  place  there  to 
empty  the  waters  of  the  deluge;  no  place  there  to  which 
Christ  could  have  ascended;  and  the  foundations  of  the 
New  Jerusalem  crumbled,  and  the  towers  and  domes  fell 
and  became  simply  space — space  sown  with  an  infinite 
number  of  stars;  not  with  New  Jerusalems,  but  with  con- 
stellations. 

Then  man  began  to  grow  great,  and  with  that  you 


ORTHODOXY.  549 

know  came  astronomy.  Now  just  see  what  they  did  in 
that.  In  1473  Copernicus  was  born.  In  1543  his  great 
work.  In  1616  the  system  of  Copernicus  was  condemned 
by  the  pope,  by  the  infallible  Catholic  church,  and  the 
church  is  about  as  near  right  upon  that  subject  as  upon 
any  other.  The  system  of  Copernicus  was  denounced. 
And  how  long  do  you  suppose  the  church  fought  that? 
Let  me  tell  you.  It  was  revoked  by  Pius  VII.  in  the 
year  of  grace  1821.  For  205  years  after  the  death  of 
Copernicus  the  church  insisted  that  that  system  was  false, 
and  that  the  old  idea  was  true.  Astronomy  is  the  first 
help  that  we  ever  received  from  heaven.  Then  came 
Kepler  in  1609,  and  you  may  almost  date  the  birth  of 
science  from  the  night  that  Kepler  discovered  his  first  law. 
That  was  the  dawn  of  the  day  of  intelligence — his  first 
law,  that  the  planets  do  not  move  in  circles;  his  second 
law,  that  they  described  equal  spaces  in  equal  times;  his 
third  law,  that  there  was  a  direct  relation  between  weight 
and  velocity.  That  man  gave  us  a  key  to  heaven.  That 
man  opened  its  infinite  book,  and  we  now  read  it,  and 
he  did  more  good  than  all  the  theologians  that  ever  lived. 
I  have  not  time  to  speak  of  the  others — of  Galileo,  of 
Leonardo  da  Vinci,  and  of  hundreds  of  others  that  I 
could  mention. 

The  next  thing  that  gave  this  church  a  blow  was*statis- 
tics.  Away  went  special  providence.  We  found  by 
taking  statistics  that  we  could  tell  the  average  length  of 
human  life;  that  this  human  life  did  not  depend  upon  in- 
finite caprice;  that  it  depended  upon  conditions,  circum- 
stances, laws  and  facts,  and  that  those  conditions,  cir- 
cumstances, and  facts  were  ever  active.  And  now  you 
will  see  the  man  who  depends  entirely  upon  special  prov- 


550  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

idence  gets  his  life  insured.  He  has  more  confidence 
even  in  one  of  these  companies  than  he  has  in  the  whole 
Trinity.  We  found  by  statistics  that  there  were  just  so 
many  crimes  on  an  average  committed;  just  so  many 
crimes  of  one  kind  and  so  many  of  another;  just  so 
many  suicides,  so  many  deaths  by  drowning;  just  so 
many  accidents  on  an  average;  just  so  many  men  marry- 
ing women,  for  instance,  older  than  themselves;  just  so 
many  murders  of  a  particular  kind;  just  the  same  number 
of  accidents;  and  I  say  to-night  statistics  utterly  demolish 
the  idea  of  special  providence.  Only  the  other  day  a 
gentleman  was  telling  me  of  a  case  of  special  providence. 
He  knew  it.  He  had  been  the  subject  of  it.  Yes,  sir! 
A  few  years  ago  he  was  about  to  go  on  a  ship  when  he 
was  detained;  he  didn't  go,  and  the  ship  was  lost  and  all 
on  board.  Yes!  I  said,  "  Do  you  think  the  fellows  that 
were  drowned  believed  in  special  providence?"  Think  of 
the  infinite  egotism  of  such  a  doctrine.  Here  is  a  man 
that  fails  to  go  upon  a  ship  with  500  passengers,  and 
they  go  down  to  the  bottom  of  the  sea — fathers,  mothers, 
children,  and  loving  husbands,  and  wives  waiting  upon 
the  shores  of  expectation.  Here  is  one  poor  little  wretch 
that  didn't  happen  to  go!  And  he  thinks  that  God,  the 
infinite  being,  interfered  in  his  poor  little  withered  be- 
half and  let  the  rest  all  go.  That  is  special  providence! 
You  know  we  have  a  custom  every  year  of  issuing  a 
proclamation  of  thanksgfving.  We  say  to  God,  "Although 
You  have  afflicted  all  the  other  countries,  although  You 
have  sent  war,  and  desolation,  and  famine  on  everybody 
else,  we  have  been  such  good  children  that  You  have 
been  kind  to  us,  and  we  hope  you  will  keep  on."  It 
don't  make  a  bit  of  difference  whether  we  have  good 


ORTHODOXY.  5  5  I 

times  or  not — not  a  bit;  the  thanksgiving  is  always  ex- 
actly the  same.  I  remember  a  few  years  ago  a  governor 
of  Iowa  got  out  a  proclamation  of  that  kind.  He  went 
on  to  tell  how  thankful  the  people  were,  how  prosperous 
the  State  had  been;  and  there  was  a  young  fellow  in  the 
State  who  got  out  another  proclamation,  saying:  "  Fear- 
ing that  the  Lord  might  be  misled  by  official  correspond- 
ence," he  went  on  to  say  that  the  governor's  proclama- 
tion was  entirely  false;  that  the  State  was  not  prosperous; 
that  the  crops  had  been  an  almost  entire  failure;  that 
nearly  every  farm  in  the  State  was  mortgaged;  that  if  the 
Lord  did  not  believe  him,  all  he  asked  was  He  would 
send  some  angel  in  whom  he  had  confidence  to  look  the 
matter  over  for  himself. 

Of  course  I  have  not  time  to  recount  the  enemies  of 
the  church .  Every  fact  is  an  enemy  of  superstition. 
Every  fact  is  a  heretic.  Every  demonstration  is  an  in- 
fidel. Everything  that  ever  happened  testified  against 
the  supernatural.  I  have  only  spoken  of  a  few  of  the 
blows  that  shattered  the  shield  and  shivered  the  lance  of 
superstition.  Here  is  another  one — the  doctrine  of 
Charles  Darwin.  This  century  will  be  called  Darwin's 
century,  one  of  the  greatest  men  who  ever  touched  this 
globe.  He  has  explained  more  of  the  phenomena  of  life 
than  all  of  the  religious  teachers.  Write  the  name  of 
Charles  Darwin  there  (on  the  one  hand)  and  the  name 
of  every  theologian  that  ever  lived  there  (on  the  other 
hand),  and  from  that  name  has  come  more  light  to  the 
world  than  from  all  those.  His  doctrine  of  evolution, 
his  doctrine  of  the  survival  of  the  fittest,  his  doctrine  of 
the  origin  of  species,  has  removed  in  every  thinking  mind 
the  last  vestige  of  orthodox  Christianity.  He  has  not 


552  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

only  stated,  but  he  has  demonstrated,  that  the  inspired 
writer  knew  nothing  of  this  world,  nothing  of  the  origin 
of  man,  nothing  of  geology,  nothing  of  astronomy,  noth- 
ing of  nature;  that  the  bible  is  a  book  written  by  ignor- 
ance— by  the  instigation  of  fear!  Think  of  the  man  who 
replied  to  him.  Only  a  few  years  ago  there  was  no 
parson  too  ignorant  to  successfully  answer  Charles  Dar- 
win; and  the  more  ignorant  he  was  the  more  cheerfully 
he  undertook  the  task.  He  was  held  up  to  the  ridicule, 
the  scorn,  and  the  contempt  of  the  Christian  world,  and 
yet  when  he  died  England  was  proud  to  put  his  dust  with 
that  of  her  noblest  and  her  grandest. 

Charles  Darwin  conquered  the  intellectual  world,  and 
the  doctrine  of  evolution  is  now  an  accepted  fact.  His 
light  has  broken  in  on  some  of  the  early  clergy,  and  the 
greatest  man  who  to-day  occupies  the  pulpit  is  a  believer 
in  the  evolution  theory  of  Charles  Darwin — and  that  is 
Henry  Ward  Beecher — a  man  of  more  brains  than  the 
entire  clergy  of  that  entire  church  put  together.  And 
yet  we  are  told  in  this  little  creed  that  orthodox  religion 
is  about  to  conquer  the  world.  It  will  be  driven  to  the 
wilds  of  Africa.  It  must  go  to  some  savage  country;  it 
has  lost  its  hold  upon  civilization,  and  I  tell  you  it  is  un- 
fortunate to  have  a  religion  that  cannot  be  accepted  by 
the  intellect  of  a  nation.  It  is  unfortunate  to  have  a 
religion  against  which  every  good  and  noble  heart  pro- 
tests. Let  us  have  a  good  one  or  none.  O!  'my  pity  has 
been  excited  by  seeing  these  ministers  endeavor  to  warp 
and  twist  the  passages  of  scripture  to  fit  some  demon- 
stration in  science. 

These  pious  evasions!  These  solemn  pretenses!  When 
they  are  caught  in  one  way  they  give  a  different  meaning 


ORTHODOXY.  553 

to  the  words  and  say  the  world  was  not  made  in  seven 
days.  They  say  " good  whiles" — epochs.  And  in  this 
same  confession  here  of  faith  and  creeds  they  believe  the 
Lord's  day  is  holy — every  seventh  day.  Suppose  you 
lived  near  the  north  pole,  where  the  day  is  three  months 
long.  Then  which  day  will  you  keep?  Suppose  you 
could  get  to  the  north  pole,  you  could  prevent  Sunday 
from  ever  overtaking  you.  You  could  walk  around  the 
other  way  f  aster  than  the  world  could  revolve.  How  would 
you  keep  Sunday  then?  Suppose  we  ever  invent  any- 
thing that  can  go  1,000  miles  an  hour?  We  can  just 
chase  Sunday  clear  around  the  globe.  Is  there  anything 
that  can  be  more  perfectly  absurd  than  that  a  space  of 
time  can  be  holy!  You  might  as  well  talk  about  a  pious 
vacuum.  These  pious  evasions.  I  heard  the  other  night 
of  an  old  man.  He  was  not  very  well  educated,  you 
know,  and  he  got  into  the  notion  that  he  must  have  read- 
ing of  the  bible  and  have  family  worship;  and  there  was 
a  bad  boy  in  the  family — a  pretty  smart  boy — and  they 
were  reading  the  bible  by  course,  and  in  the  fifteenth  chapte 
of  Corinthians  is  this  passage:  "  Behold,  brethren,!  show 
you  a  mystery;  we  shall  not  all  die,  but  we  shall  be 
changed."  And  this  boy  rubbed  out  the  "c"  in  the 
"  changed."  So  next  night  the  old  man  got  on  his  specs 
and  got  down  his  bible  and  said:  "  Behold,  brethren,  I 
show  you  a  mystery;  we  shall  not  all  die,  but  we  shall  be 
hanged."  The  old  lady  said,  "  Father,  I  don't  think  it 
reads  that  way."  He  says,  "Who  is  reading  this?" 
' '  Yes,  mother,  it  says  be  hanged,  and,  more  than  that, 
I  see  the  sense  of  it.  Pride  is  the  besetting  sin  of  the 
human  heart,  and  if  there  is  anything  calculated  to  take 
the  pride  out  of  a  man  it  is  hanging." 


554  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

I  keep  going  back  to  this  book;  I  keep  going  back  to 
the  miracles,  to  the  prophecies,  to  the  fables,  and  people 
ask  me,  if  I  t,ake  away  the  bible,  what  are  we  going  to  do? 
How  can  we  get  along  without  the  revelation  that  no  one 
understands?  What  are  we  going  to  do  if  we  have  no 
bible  to  quarrel  about?  What  are  we  to  do  without  hell? 
What  are  we  going  to  do  with  our  enemies?  What  are 
we  going  to  do  with  the  people  we  love  but  don't  like? 
They  tell  me  that  there  never  would  have  been  any  civili- 
zation if  it  had  not  been  for  this  bible.  Um!  The  Jews 
had  a  bible;  the  Romans  had  not.  Which  had  the  greater 
and  the  grander  government?  Let  us  be  honest.  Which 
of  those  nations  produced  the  greatest  poets,  the  greatest 
soldiers,  the  greatest  orators,  the  greatest  statesmen,  the 
greatest  sculptors?  Rome  had  no  bible.  God  cared 
nothing  for  the  Roman  Empire.  He  let  the  men  come 
up  by  chance.  His  time  was  taken  up  by  the  Jewish 
people.  And  yet  Rome  conquered  the  world,  apd  even 
conquered  God's  chosen  people.  The  people  that  had 
the  bible  were  defeated  by  the  people  who  had  not.  How 
was  it  possible  for  Lucretius  to  get  along  without  the 
bible?  How  did  the  great  and  glorious  of  that  empire? 
And  what  shall  we  say  of  Greece?  No  bible.  Compare 
Athens  with  Jerusalem.  From  Athens  comes  the  beauty 
and  intellectual  grace  of  the  world.  Compare  the 
mythology  of  Greece  with  the  mythology  of  Judea.  One 
covering  the  earth  with  beauty,  and  the  other  rilling 
heaven  with  hatred  and  injustice.  The  Hindoos  had  no 
bible;  they  had  been  forsaken  by  the  Creator,  and  yet 
they  became  the  greatest  metaphysicians  of  the  world. 
Egypt  had  no  bible.  Compare  even  Egypt  with  Judea. 
What  are  we  to  do  without  the  bible?  What  became  of 


ORTHODOXY.  555 

the  Jews  who  had  no  bible;  their  temple  was  destroyed 
and  their  city  was  taken;  and,  as  I  said  before,  they 
never  found  real  prosperity  until  their  God  deserted  them. 
Do  without  the  bible? 

Now  I  come  again  to  the  new  testament.  There  are 
a  few  things  in  there,  I  give  you  my  word,  I  cannot  be- 
lieve. I  cannot — I  cannot  believe  in  the  miraculous 
origin  of  Jesus  Christ.  I  believe  He  was  the  son  of 
Joseph  and  Mary;  that  Joseph  and  Mary  had  been  duly 
and  legally  married;  that  He  was  the  legitimate  offspring 
of  that  marriage,  and  nobody  ever  believed  the  contrary 
until  He  had  been  dead  150  years.  Neither  Matthew, 
Mark  nor  Luke  ever  dreamed  that  He  was  of  divine 
origin.  He  did  not  say  to  either  Matthew,  Mark  or 
Luke,  or  to  any  one  in  their  hearing,  that  He  was  the  son 
of  God,  or  that  He  was  miraculously  conceived.  He 
did  not  say  it.  The  angel  Gabriel,  who,  they  say,  brought 
the  news,  never  wrote  a  word  upon  the  subject.  His 
mother  never  wrote  a  word  upon  the  subject.  His  father 
never  wrote  a  word  upon  the  subject.  We  are  lacking  in 
the  matter  of  witnesses.  I  would  not  believe  it  now!  I 
cannot  believe  it  then.  I  would  not  believe  people  I 
know,  much  less  would  I  believe  people  I  don't  know.  I 
say  that  at  that  time  Matthew,  Mark  and  Luke  believed 
that  He  was  the  son  of  Joseph  and  Mary.  And  why? 
They  say  He  descended  from  the  blood  of  David,  and  in 
order  to  show  that  He  was  of  the  blood  of  David  they 
-gave  the  geneology  of  Joseph.  And  if  Joseph  was  not 
his  father,  why  not  give  the  geneology  of  Pontius  Pilate 
or  Herod?  Could  they,  by  giving  the  geneology  of  Jo- 
seph, show  that  He  was  of  the  blood  of  David  if  Joseph 
was  in  no  way  related  to  David;  and  yet  that  is  the  posi- 


556  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

tion  into  which  the  Christian  world  is  now  driven.  It  says 
the  son  of  Joseph,  and  then  interpolated  the  words  '  *  as 
was  supposed."  Why,  then,  do  they  give  a  supposed 
geneology.  It  will  not  do.  And  that  is  a  thing  that  can- 
not in  any  way,  by  any  human  testimony,  be  established; 
and  if  it  is  important  for  us  to  know  that  He  was  the 
Son  of  God,  I  say  then  that  it  devolves  upon  God  to 
give  us  evidence.  Let  Him  write  it  across  the  face  of 
the  heavens,  in  every  language  of  mankind.  If  it  is 
necessary  for  us  to  believe  it,  let  it  grow  on  every  leaf 
next  year.  No  man  should  be  damned  for  not  believing 
unless  the  evidence  is  overwhelming.  And  he  ought 
not  to  be  made  to  depend  upon  say-so.  He  should  have 
it  directly  for  himself.  A  man  says  God  told  him  so  and 
so,  and  he  tells  me,  and  I  haven't  anyone's  word  but 
that  fellow's.  He  may  have  been  deceived.  If  God  has 
a  message  for  me  He  ought  to  tell  it  to  me,  and  not 
somebody  that  has  been  dead  4,000  or  5,000  years,  and 
in  another  language;  God  may  have  changed  His  mind 
on  many  things;  He  has  on  slavery  at  least,  and  polyg- 
amy; and  yet  His  church  now  wants  to  go  out  here  and 
destroy  polygamy  in  Utah  with  a  sword.  Why  don't 
they  send  missionaries  there  with  copies  of  the  old  testa- 
ment? By  reading  the  lives  of  Abraham,  and  Isaac,  and 
Lot,  and  a  few  other  fellows  that  ought  to  have  been  in 
the  penitentiary,  they  can  soften  their  hearts. 

Now,  there  is  another  miracle  I  do  not  believe.  I 
want  to  speak  about  it  as  we  would  about  any  ordinary 
transaction  in  the  world.  In  the  first  place,  I  do  not 
believe  that  any  miracle  was  ever  performed,  and  if  there 
was,  you  can't  prove  it.  Why?  Because  it  is  altogether 
more  reasonable  that  the  people  lied  about  it  than  that  it 


ORTHODOXY.  557 

happened.  And  why?  Because,  according  to  human 
experience,  we  know  that  people  will  not  always  tell  the 
truth,  and  we  never  saw  a  miracle,  and  we  have  got  to 
be  governed  by  our  experience,  and  if  we  go  by  our  experi- 
ence, it  is  in  favor  that  the  thing  never  happened;  that 
the  man  is  mistaken.  Now,  I  want  you  to  remember  it. 
Here  is  a  man  that  comes  into  Jerusalem,  and  the  first 
thing  he  does  he  cures  the  blind.  He  lets  the  light  of 
day  visit  the  darkness  of  blindness.  The  eyes  are  opened 
and  the  whole  world  is  again  pictured  upon  the  brain. 
Another  man  is  clothed  with  leprosy.  He  touches  him, 
and  the  disease  falls  from  him,  and  he  stands  pure,  and 
clean,  and  whole.  Another  man  is  deformed,  wrinked, 
bent.  He  touches  him  and  throws  upon  him  again  the 
garment  of  youth.  A  man  is  in  his  grave,  and  He  says, 
"  Come  forth!  "  and  he  again  walks  in  life,  feeling  his 
heart  throb  and  beat,  and  his  blood  going  joyously 
through  his  veins.  They  say  that  happened.  I  don't 
know.  There  is  one  wonderful  thing  about  the  dead  peo- 
ple that  were  raised — we  don't  hear  of  them  any  more. 
What  became  of  them?  Why,  if  there  was  a  man  in 
this  town  that  had  been  raised  from  the  dead,  I  would  go 
to  see  him  to-night.  I  would  say,  "Where  were  you 
when  you  got  the  notice  to  come  back?  What  kind  of 
country  is  it?  What  kind  of  opening  there  for  a  young 
man?  How  did  you  like  it?"  But  nobody  ever  paid  the 
slightest  attention  to  them  there.  They  didn't  even  ex- 
cite interest  when  they  died  the  second  time.  Nobody 
said,  '•  Why,  that  man  isn't  afraid.  He  has  been  there." 
Not  a  word.  They  pass  away  quietly.  You  see  I  don't 
believe  it.  There  is  something  wrong  somewhere  about 
that  business.  And  then  there  is  another  trouble  in  my 


558  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

mind.      Now,  you  know  I  may  suffer  eternal  punishment 
for  all  this. 

Here  is  a  man  that  does  all  these  things,  and  there- 
upon they  crucify  Him.  Now,  then,  let  us  be  honest. 
Suppose  a-  man  came  into  Chicago  and  he  should  meet  a 
funeral  procession,  and  he  should  say,  "Who  is  dead?" 
and  they  should  say,  "The  son  of  a  widow;  her  only 
support,"  and  he  should  say  to  the  procession,  "  Halt!" 
And  to  the  undertaker,  "Take  out  that  coffin,  unscrew 
that  lid."  "  Young  man,  I  say  unto  thee,  arise!"  And 
the  latter  should  step  from  the  coffin,  and  in  one  moment 
after  hold  his  mother  in  his  arms.  Suppose  he  should  go 
to  your  cemetery  and  should  find  some  woman  holding  a 
little  child  in  each  hand,  while  the  tears  fell  upon  a  new- 
made  grave,  and  he  should  say  to  her,  "  Who  lies  buried 
here?"  and  she  should  reply,  "My  husband,"  and  he 
should  say,  "I  say  unto  thee,  oh  grave,  give  up  thy 
dead,"  and  the  husband  should  rise  and  in  a  moment 
after  have  his  lips  upon  his  wife's,  and  the  little  children 
with  their  arms  around  his  neck.  Suppose  that  it  is  so. 
Do  you  think  that  the  people  of  Chicago  would  kill  him? 
Do  you  think  any  one  would  wish  to  crucify  him?  Do 
you  not  rather  believe  that  every  one  who  had  a  loved 
.one  out  in  that  cemetery  would  go  to  him,  even  upon  their 
knees,  and  beg  him  and  implore  him  to  give  back  their 
dead?  Do  you  believe  that  any  man  was  ever  crucified 
who  was  the  master  of  death?  Let  me  tell  you  to- 
night if  there  shall  ever  appear  on  this  earth  the  master, 
the  monarch  of  death,  all  human  knees  will  touch  the 
earth;  he  will  not  be  crucified,  he  will  not  be  touched. 
All  the  living  who  fear  death;  all  the  living  who  have  lost 
a  loved  one  will  stand  and  cling  to  him.  And  yet  we  are 


ORTHODOXY.  559 

told  that  this  worker  of  miracles,  this  worker  of  wonders, 
this  man  who  could  clothe  the  dead  in  the  throbbing  flesh 
of  life,  was  crucified  by  the  Jewish  people.  It  was  never 
dreamed  that  he  did  a  miracle  until  100  years  after  he 
was  dead. 

There  is  another  miracle  I  do  not  believe,  I  cannot  be- 
lieve it,  and  that  is  the  resurrection.  And  why?  If  it 
was  the  fact,  if  the  dead  got  out  of  the  grave,  why  did 
He  not  show  himself  to  his  enemies?  Why  did  He  not 
again  visit  Pontius  Pilate?  Why  did  He  not  call  upon 
Caiaphas,  the  high  priest?  Why  did  He  not  make 
another  triumphal  entery  into  Jerusalem?  Why  did  He 
not  again  enter  the  temple  and  dispute  with  the  doctors? 
Why  didn't  He  say  to  the  multitude:  "Here  are  the 
wounds  in  My  feet,  and  in  My  hands,  and  in  My  side.  I 
am  the  one  you  endeavored  to  kill,  but  Death  is  My 
slave."  Why  didn't  He?  Simply  because  the  thing 
never  happened.  I  cannot  believe  it.  But  recollect,  it 
makes  no  difference  with  its  teachings.  They  are  exactly 
as  good  whether  He  wrought  miracles  or  not.  Twice 
two  are  four;  that  needs  no  miracle.  Twice  two  are  five 
— a  miracle  would  not  help  that.  Christ's  teachings  are 
worth  their  effect  upon  the  human  race.  It  makes  no 
difference  about  miracle  or  about  wonder,  but  you  must 
remember  in  that  day  every  one  believed  in  miracles. 
Nobody  had  any  standing  as  a  teacher,  a  philosopher,  a 
governor,  or  a  king,  about  whom  there  was  not  a  some- 
ing  miraculous.  The  earth  was  then  covered  with  the 
sons  and  daughters  of  the  gods  and  goddesses.  That 
was  believed  in  Greece,  in  Rome,  in  Egypt,  in  Hindostan; 
everybody,  nearly,  believed  in  such  things. 

Then  there  is  another   miracle  that  1  cannot  believe 


560  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

in,  and  that  is  the  ascension — the  bodily  ascension  of 
Jesus  Christ.  Where  was  He  going?  Since  the  telescope 
has  been  pointed  at  the  stars,  where  was  He  going? 
The  New  Jerusalem  is  not  there.  The  abode  of  the  gods 
is  not  there.  Where  was  He  going?  Which  way  did 
He  go?  That  depends  upon  the  time  of  day  that  He  left. 
If  He  left  in  the  night  He  went  exactly  the  opposite  way 
from  what  He  would  in  the  day.  Who  saw  this  miracle? 
They  say  the  disciples.  Let  us  see  what  they  say  about 
it.  Matthew  did  not  think  it  was  worth  mentioning.  He 
doesn't  speak  of  it  at  all.  On  the  contrary,  he  says  that 
the  last  words  of  Christ  were:  "Lo,  I  am  with  you 
always,  even  unto  the  end  of  the  world."  That  is  what 
he  says.  Mark,  he  saw  it.  "So,  then,  after  the  Lord 
had  spoken  unto  them  He  was  received  up  into  heaven 
and  sat  on  the  right  hand  of  God."  That  is  all  he  has 
to  say  about  the  most  wonderful  thing  that  ever  blessed 
human  vision — about  a  miracle  great  enough '  to  have 
stuffed  credulity  to  bursting;  and  yet  we  have  one  poor, 
little  meagre  verse.  So,  then,  after  He  had  quit  speak- 
ing, He  was  caught  up  and  sat  on  the  right  hand  of  God. 
How  does  he  know  He  was  on  the  right  hand?  Did  he 
see  Him  after  He  had  sat  down?  Luke  says:  "  And  it 
came  to  pass  while  He  blessed  them  He  was  parted  from 
them  and  was  carried  up  into  heaven."  But  John  does 
not  mention  it.  He  gives  as  His  last  words  this  address 
to  Peter:  "Follow  thou  Me."  Of  course  He  did  not 
say  that  as  He  ascended.  In  the  Acts  we  have  another 
account.  A  conversation  is  given  not  spoken  of  in  any 
of  the  others,  and  we  find  there  two  men  clad  in  white 
apparel,  who  said:  "  Men  of  Galilee,  why  stand  ye  here 
gazing  up  into  heaven?  This  same  Jesus  that  was  taken 


ORTHODOXY.  561 

up  into  heaven  shall  so  come  in  like  manner  as  ye  have 
seen  Him  go  up  into  Heaven."  Matthew  didn't  see  that; 
Mark  forgot  it;  Luke  didn't  think  it  was  worth  mention- 
ing, and  John  didn't  believe  it;  and  yet  upon  that  evi- 
dence we  are  led  to  believe  that  the  most  miraculous  of 
all  miracles  actually  occurred.  I  cannot  believe  it. 

I  may  be  mistaken;  but  the  church  is  now  trying"] to 
parry,  and  when  they  come  to  the  little  miracles  of  the 
new  testament  all  they  say  is:  "  Christ  didn't  cast  out 
devils;  these  men  had  fits."  He  cured  fits.  Then  I  read 
in  another  place  about  the  fits  talking.  Christ  held  a 
dialogue  with  the  fits,  and  the  fits  told  Him  his  name, 
and  the  fits  at  that  time  were  in  a  crazy  man.  And  the 
fits  made  a  contract  that  they  would  go  out  of  the  man 
provided  they  would  be  permitted  to  go  into  swine.  How 
can  fits  that  attack  a  man  take  up  a  residence  in  swine? 
The  church  must  not  give  up  the  devil.  He  is  the  right 
bower.  No  devil,  no  hell;  no  hell,  no  preacher;  no  fire, 
no  insurance.  I  read  another  miracle — that  this  devil 
took  Christ  and  put  him  on  the  pinnacle  of  a  temple. 
Was  that  fits,  too?  Why  is  not  the  theological  world 
honest?  Why  do  they  not  come  up  and  admit  what  they 
know  the  book  means?  They  have  not  the  courage. 

Now,  their  next  doctrine  is  the  absolute  necessity  of 
belief.  That  depends  upon  this:  Can  a  man  believe  as 
he  wants  to?  Can  you?  Can  anybody?  Does  belief 
depend  at  all  upon  the  evidence?  I  think  it  does  some- 
what in  some  cases.  How  is  it  that  when  a  jury  is 
sworn  to  try  a  case,  hearing  all  the  evidence,  hearing 
both  sides,  hearing  the  charge  of  the  judge,  hearing  the 
law,  and  upon  their  oaths,  are  equally  divided,  six  for  the 
plaintiff  and  six  for  the  defendant?  It  is  because  evi- 


562  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

dence  does  not  have  the  same  effect  upon  all  people. 
Why?  Our  brains  are  not  alike — not  the  same  shape; 
we  have  not  the  same  intelligence  or  the  same  experience, 
the  same  sense.  And  yet  I  am  held  accountable  for  my 
belief.  I  must  believe  in  the  Trinity — three  times  one 
is  one,  once  one  is  three — and  my  soul  is  to  be  eternally 
damned  for  failing  to  guess  an  arithmetical  conundrum. 
And  that  is  the  poison  part  of  Christianity — that  salva- 
tion depends  upon  belief — that  is  the  poison  part,  and 
until  that  dogma  is  discarded  religion  will  be  nothing  but 
superstition.  No  man  can  control  his  belief.  If  I  hear 
certain  evidence  I  will  believe  a  certain  thing.  If  I  fail  to 
hear  it  I  may  never  believe  it.  If  it  is  adapted  to  my 
mind  I  may  accept  it;  if  it  is  not,  I  reject  it.  And  what 
am  I  to  go  by?  My  brain.  That  is  the  only  light  I  have 
from  nature,  and  if  there  be  a  God,  it  is  the  only  torch 
that  this  God  has  given  me  by  which  to  find  my  way 
through  the  darkness  and  the  night  called  life.  I  do  not 
depend  upon  hearsay  for  that.  I  do  not  have  to  take  the 
word  of  any  other  man,  nor  get  upon  my  knees  before  a 
book.  Here,  in  the  temple  of  the  mind,  I  go  and  con- 
sult the  God — that  is  to  say,  my  reason — and  the  oracle 
speaks  to  me,  and  I  obey  the  oracle.  What  should  I 
obey?  Another  man's  oracle?  Shall  I  take  another  man's 
word  and  not  what  he  thinks,  but  what  God  said  to  him? 
I  would  not  know  a  god  if  I  should  see  one.  I  have 
said  before,  and  I  say  again,  the  brain  thinks  in  spite  of 
me,  and  I  am  not  responsible  for  my  thought.  No  more 
can  I  control  the  beating  of  my  heart,  the  expansion  and 
contraction  of  my  lungs  for  a  moment;  no  more  can  I 
stop  the  blood  that  flows  through  the  rivers  of  the  veins. 
And  yet  I  am  held  responsible  for  my  belief.  Then 


ORTHODOXY.  563 

why  does  not  the  God  give  me  the  evidence?  They  say 
He  has.  In  what?  In  an  inspired  book.  But  I  do  not 
understand  it  as  they  do.  Must  I  be  false  to  my  under- 
standing? They  say:  "  When  you  come  to  die  you  will 
be  sorry  you  did  not. "  Will  I  be  sorry  when  I  come  to 
die  that  I  did  not  live  a  hypocrite?  Will  I  be  sorry  I  did 
not  say  I  was  a  "Christian  when  I  was  not?  Will  the 
fact  that  I  was  honest  put  a  thorn  in  the  pillow  of  death? 
God  cannot  forgive  me  for  that.  They  say  when  He 
was  in  Jerusalem,  He  forgave  His  murderers.  Now  He 
won't  forgive  an  honest  man  for  differing  with  Him  on 
the  subject  of  the  Trinity.  They  say  that  God  says  to 
me,  "  Forgive  your  enemies."  I  say,  "  All  right,  I  do;" 
but  he  says,  "  I  will  damn  mine."  God  should  be  con- 
sistent. If  He  wants  me  to  forgive  my  enemies,  He 
should  forgive  His.  I  am  asked  to  forgive  enemies  who 
can  hurt  me.  God  is  only  asked  to  forgive  enemies  who 
cannot  hurt  Him.  He  certainly  ought  to  be  as  generous 
as  He  asks  us  to  be.  And  I  want  no  God  to  forgive  me 
unless  I  do  forgive  others.  All  I  ask,  if  that  be  true,  is 
that  this  God  should  live  according  to  His  own  doctrine. 
If  I  am  to  forgive  my  enemies  I  ask  Him  to  forgive  His. 
That  is  justice,  that  is  right.  Here  are  these  millions  to- 
day who  say:  "We  are  to  be  saved  by  belief,  by  faith; 
but  what  are  we  to  believe? " 

In  St.  Louis  last  Sunday  I  read  an  interview  with  a 
Christian  minister — one  who  is  now  holding  a  revival. 
They  call  him  the  boy  preacher — a  name  that  he  has 
borne  for  fifty  or  sixty  years.  The  question  was  whether 
in  these  revivals,  when  they  were  trying  to  rescue  souls 
from  eternal  torture,  they  would  allow  colored  people  to 
occupy  seats  with  white  people,  and  that  revivalist, 


564  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

preaching  the  unsearchable  richness  of  Christ,  said  he 
would  not  allow  the  colored  people  to  sit  with  white  peo- 
ple; they  must  go  to  the  back  of  the  church.  The  same 
people  go  and  sit  right  next-  to  them  in  heaven,  swap 
harps  with  them,  and  yet  this  man,  believing  as  he  says 
he  does,  that  if  he  did  not  believe  in  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ  he  would  eternally  perish,  was  not  willing  that  the 
colored  man  should  sit  by  a  white  man  while  he  heard  the 
gospel  of  everlasting  peace.  He  was  not  willing  that  the 
colored  man  should  get  into  the  lifeboat  of  Christ, 
although  those  white  men  might  be  totally  depraved,  and 
if  they  had  justice  done  them,  according  to  his  doctrine, 
would  be  eternally  damned — and  yet  he  has  the  impu- 
dence to  put  on  airs,  although  he  ought  to  be  eternally 
damned,  and  go  and  sit  by  the  colored  man.  His  doctrine 
of  religion,  the  color  line,  has  not  my  respect.  I  believe 
in  the  religion  of  humanity,  and  it  is  far  better  to  love 
our  fellow-men  than  to  love  God,  because  we  can  help 
them,  and  we  cannot  help  Him.  You  had  better  do 
what  you  can  than  to  be  always  pretending  to  do  what 
you  cannot. 

Now  I  come  to  the  last  part  of  the  bible — this  creed 
— and  that  is,  eternal  punishment,  and  I  have  concluded; 
and  I  have  said  I  will  never  deliver  a  lecture  that  I  do 
not  give  the  full  benefit  of  its  name.  That  part  of  the 
Congregational  creed  would  disgrace  the  lowest  savage 
that  crouches  and  crawls  in  the  jungles  of  Africa.  The 
man  who  now,  in  the  nineteenth  century,  preaches  the 
doctrine  of  eternal  punishment,  the  doctrine  of  eternal 
hell,  has  lived  in  vain.  Think  of  that  doctrine!  The 
eternity  of  punishment!  Why,  I  find  in  that  same  creed 
that  Christ  is  finally  going  to  triumph  in  this  world  and 


ORTHODOXY.  565 

establish  His  kingdom;  but  if  their  doctrine  is  true,  He  will 
never  triumph  in  the  other  world.  He-will  have  billions 
in  hell  forever.  In  this  world  we  never  will  be  perfectly 
civilized  as  long  as  a  gallows  casts  its  shadow  upon  the 
earth.  As  long  as  there  is  a  penitentiary,  behind  the  walls 
of  which  a  human  being  is  immured,  we  are  not  a  civil- 
ized people.  We  will  never  be  perfectly  civilized  until 
we  do  away  with  crime  and  criminals.  And  yet,  accord- 
ing to  this  Christian  religion,  God  is  to  have  an  eternal 
penitentiary;  He  is  to  be  an  everlasting  jailor,  an  ever- 
lasting turnkey,  a  warden  of  an  infinite  dungeon,  and 
He  is  going  to  keep  prisoners  there,  not  for  the  purpose 
of  reforming  them — because  they  are  never  going  to  get 
any  better,  only  getting  worse — just  for  the  purpose  of 
punishing  them.  And  what  for?  For  something  they 
did  in  this  world;  born  in  ignorance,  educated  it  may  be 
in  poverty,  and  yet  responsible  through  the  countless 
ages  of  eternity.  No  man  can  think  of  a  greater  horror; 
no  man  can  think  of  a  greater  absurdity.  For  the 
growth  of  that  doctrine,  ignorance  was  soil  and  fear  was 
rain.  That  doctrine  came  from  the  fauged  mouths  of 
wild  beasts,  and  yet  it  is  the  "glad  tidings  of  great  joy." 
"  God  so  loved  the  world  "  He  is  going  to  damn  most 
everybody,  and.  if  this  Christian  religion  be  true,  some 
of  the  greatest,  and  grandest,  and  best  who  ever  lived 
upon  this  earth,  are  suffering  its  torments  to-night.  It 
don't  appear  to  make  much  difference,  however,  with  this 
church.  They  go  right  on  enjoying  themselves  as  well 
as  ever.  If  their  doctrine  is  true,  Benjamin  Franklin, 
one  of  the  wisest  and  best  of  men,  who  did  so  much  to 
give  us  here  a  free  government,  is  suffering  the  tyranny 
of  God  to-night,  while  he  endeavored  to  establish  free- 


566  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

dom  among  men.  If  the  churches  were  honest,  their 
preachers  would  tell  their  hearts,  "  Benjamin  Franklin  is 
in  hell,  and  we  warn  any  and  all  the  youth  not  to  imitate 
Benjamin  Franklin.  Thorrras  Jefferson,  the  author  of 
the  Declaration  of  Independence,  with  its  self-evident 
truths,  has  been  damned  these  many  years."  That  is 
what  all  the  ministers  ought  to  have  the  courage  to  say. 
Talk  as  you  believe.  Stand  by  your  creed  or  change  it. 
I  want  to  impress  it  upon  your  mind,  because  the  thing 
I  wish  to  do  in  this  world  is  to  put  out  the  fires  of  hell. 
I  want  to  keep  at  it  just  as  long  as  there  is  one  little  coal 
red  in  the  bottomless  pit.  As  long  as  the  ashes  are  warm 
I  shall  denounce  this  infamous  doctrine. 

I  want  you  to  know  that  the  men  who  founded  this 
great  and  glorious  government  are  there.  The  most  of 
the  men  who  fought  in  the  Revolutionary  War  and 
wrested  from  the  clutch  of  Great  Britain  this  continent 
have  been  rewarded  by  the  eternal  wrath  of  God.  The 
old  Revolutionary  soldiers  are  in  hell  by  the  thousands. 
Let  the  preachers  have  the  courage  to  say  so.  The  men 
who  fought  in  1812,  and  gave  to  the  United  States  the 
freedom  of  the  seas,  nearly  all  of  them  have  been 
damned  since  1 81  5 — all  that  were  killed.  The  greatest 
of  heroes,  they  are  there.  The  greatest  of  poets,  the 
greatest  scientists,  the  men  who  have  made  the  world 
beautiful  and  grand,  they  are  all,  I  tell  you,  among  the 
damned,  if  this  creed  is  true.  Humboldt,  who  shed  light, 
and  who  added  to  the  intellectual  wealth  of  mankind; 
Goethe,  and  Schiller,  and  Lessing,  who  almost  created 
the  German  language — all  gone!  All  suffering  the  wrath 
of  God  to-night,  and  every  time  an  angel  thinks  of  one 
of  those  men  he  gives  his  harp  an  extra  twang. 


ORTHODOXY.  567 

La  Place,  who  read  the  heaven  like  an  open  book — he 
is  there.  Robert  Burns,  the  poet  of  human  love — he  is 
there  because  he  wrote  the  ;' Prayer  of  Holy  Willie;  " 
because  he  fastened  upon  the  cross  the  Presbyterian 
creed,  and  made  a  lingering  crucifixion.  And  yet  that 
man  added  to  the  tenderness  of  human  heart.  Dickens, 
who  put  a  shield  of  pity  before  the  flesh  of  childhood — 
God  is  getting  even  with  him.  Our  own  Ralph  Waldo 
Emerson,  although  he  had  a  thousand  opportunities  to 
hear  Methodist  clergymen,  scorned  the  means  of  grace, 
and  the  Holy  Ghost  is  delighted  that  he  is  in  hell  to-night. 

Longfellow  refined  hundreds  and  thousands  of  homes, 
but  he  did  not  believe  in  the  miraculous  origin  of  the 
Savior.  No,  sir;  he  doubted  the  report  of  Gabriel.  He 
loved  his  fellow-men;  he  did  what  he  could  to  free  the 
slaves;  he  did  what  he  could  to  make  mankind  happy; 
but  God  was  just  waiting  for  him.  He  had  His  consta- 
ble right  there.  Thomas  Paine,  the  author  of  the 
"Rights  of  Man,"  offering  his  life  in  both  hemisphres  for 
the  freedom  of  the  human  race,  and  one  of  the  founders 
of  the  Republic — it  has  often  seemed  to  me  that  if  we 
could  get  God's  attention  long  enough  to  point  Him  to 
the  American  flag,  He  would  let  him  out.  Compte,  the 
author  of  the  "Positive  Philosophy, "  who  loved  his  fellow- 
men  to  that  degree  that  he  made  of  humanity  a  God,  who 
wrote  his  great  work  in  poverty,  with  his  face  covered 
with  tears — they  are  getting  their  revenge  on  him  now. 
Voltaire,  who  abolished  torture  in  France;  who  did  more 
for  human  liberty  than  any  other  man,  living  or  dead; 
who  was  the  assassin  of  superstition,  and  whose  dagger 
still  rusts  in  the  heart  of  Catholicism — all  the  priests 
who  have  been  translated  have  their  happiness  increased 


568  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

by  looking  at  Voltaire.  Glorious  country  where  the 
principal  occupation  is  watching  the  miseries  of  the  lost. 

Geordani  Bruno,  Benedict  Spinoza,  Diderot,  the 
encyclopedist,  who  endeavored  to  get  all  knowledge  in  a 
small  compass  so  that  he  could  put  the  peasant  on  an 
equality  with  the  prince  intellectually;  the  man  who 
wished  to  sow  all  over  the  world  the  seeds  of  knowledge; 
who  loved  to  labor  for  mankind.  While  the  priests 
wanted  to  burn,  he  did  all  he  could  to  put  out  the  fire- 
he  has  been  lost  long,  long  ago.  His  cry  for  water  has 
become  so  common  that  his  voice  is  now  recognized 
through  all  the  realms  of  hell,  and  they  say  to  one 
another,  "That  is  Diderot."  David  Hume,  the  philoso- 
pher, he  is  there  with  the  rest. 

Beethoven,  the  Shakespeare  of  music,  he  has  been  lost, 
and  Wagner,  the  master  of  melody,  and  who  has  made 
the  air  of  this  world  rich  forever,  he  is  there,  and  they 
have  better  music  in  hell  than  in  heaven. 

Shelley,  whose  soul,  like  his  own  skylark,  was  a  winged 
joy--  he  has  been  damned  for  many,  many  years;  and 
Shakespeare,  the  greatest  of  the  human  race,  who  has 
done  ini)re  to  elevate  mankind  than  all  the  priests  who 
ever  lived  and  died — he  is  there;  and  all  the  founders  of 
Inquisitions,  the  builders  of  dungeons,  the  makers  of 
chains,  the  inventors  of  instruments  of  torture,  tearers, 
and  burners,  and  branders  of  hunan  flesh,  stealers  of 
babes  and  sellers  of  husbands,  and  wives,  and  children, 
the  drawers  of  the  swords,  of  persecution,  and  they  who 
kept  the  horizon  lurid  with  the  fagot's  flame  for  a  thou- 
sand years— they  are  in  heaven  to-night.  Well,  I  wish 
heaven  joy  of  such  company. 

And  that  is  the  doctrine  with   which  we   are   polluting 


ORTHODOXY.  569 

the  souls  of  children.  Trhat  is  the  doctrine  that  puts  a 
fiend  by  tL^ir  dying  bed  and  a  prophesy  of  hell  over  every 
cradle.  That  is  <(glad  tidings  of  great  joy."  Only  a 
little  while  ago,  when  the  great  flood  came  upon  the 
Ohio,  sent  by  him  who  is  ruling  in  the  world  and  pay- 
ing particular  attention  to  the  affairs  of  nations,  just  in 
the  gray  of  the  morning  they  saw  a  house  floating  down, 
and  on  its  top  a  human  being;  and  a  few  men  went  out 
to  the  rescue  in  a  little  boat,  and  they  found  there  a 
mother,  a  woman,  and  they  wanted  to  rescue  her,  and 
she  said:  "  No,  I  am  going  to  stay  where  I  am.  I  have 
three  dead  babes  in  this  house."  Think  of  a  love  so 
limitless,  stronger  and  deeper  than  despair  and  death, 
and  yet  the  Christian  religion  says  that  if  that  woman 
did  not  happen  to  believe  in  their  creed,  God  would  send 
that  mother's  soul  to  eternal  fire.  If  there  is  another 
world,  and  if  in  heaven  they  wear  hats,  when  such  a 
woman  climbs  up  the  opposite  bank  of  the  Jordan, 
Christ  should  lift  His  to  her. 

That  is  the  trouble  I  had  with  this  Christian  religion- 
its  infinite  heartlessness;  and  I  cannot  tell  them  too 
often  that  during  our  last  war  Christians  who  knew  that 
if  they  were  shot  they  would  go  right  to  heaven,  went 
and  hired  wicked  men  to  take  their  places,  perfectly  will- 
ing the  men  should  go  to  hell,  provided  they  could  stay 
at  home.  You  see  they  are  not  honest  in  it;  they  do  not 
believe  it,  or,  as  the  people  say,  "  They  don't  sense  it;  " 
they  have  not  religion  enough  to  conceive  what  it  is  they 
believe  and  what  a  terriffic  falsehood  they  assert.  And  I 
beg  of  every  one  who  hears  rm  to-night,  I  beg,  I  im- 
plore, I  beseech  you  never  give  "another  dollar  to  build  a 
church  in  which  that  lie  is  preached  Never  give_another 


570  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES- 

cent  to  send   a  missionary  with  his  moult**1' stuffed  with 
that  falsehood   to   a  foreign   land.      Why,  thtW  say,  the 
heathen  will  go  to  heaven  anyway  if  you  let  thei~n  alone; 
what  is  the   use  of  sending  them  to  hell  by  enlightening  ' 
them.      Let  them  alone.      The  idea  of  going  and  telling 
a   man   a   thing   that   if  he  does   not   believe   he  will  be 
damned,  when  the  chances  are  ten  to  one  that  he   won't 
believe  it.      Don't   tell  him,  and   as  quick  as  he  gets  to 
the  other  world  and  finds  it  necessary  to  believe,  he  will 
say   "yes."     Give  him  a  chance. 

My  objection  to  the  Christian  religion  is  that  it  destroys 
human  love,  and  tells  you  and  me  that  the  love  of  your 
dear  ones  is  not  necessary  in  this  world  to  make  a  heaven 
in  the  next.  No  matter  about  your  wife,  your  children, 
your  brother,  your  sister — no  matter  about  all  the  affec- 
tions of  the  human  heart — when  you  get  there  you  wjll 
be  along  with  the  angels.  I  don't  know  whether  I  would 
like  the  angels.  I  don't  know  whether  the  angels  would 
like  me.  I  would  rather  stand  by  the  folks  who  have 
loved  me  and  whom  I  know;  and  I  can  conceive  of  no 
heaven  without  the  love  of  this  earth.  That  is  the  trouble 
with  the  Christian  religion;  leave  your  father,  leave  your 
mother,  leave  your  wife,  leave  your  children,  leave  every- 
thing and  follow  Jesus  Christ .  I  will  not.  I  will  stay 
with  the  folks.  I  will  not  sacrifice  on  the  altar  of  a 
selfish  fear  all  the  grandest  and  noblest  promptings  of 
my  heart.  You  do  away  with  human  love,  and  what  are 
we  without  it?  What  would  we  be  in  another  world,  and 
what  would  we  be  here  without  it?  Can  any  one  con- 
ceive of  music  without  human  love?  Human  love  builds 
every  home — human  love  is  the  author  of  all  the  beauty 
in  this  world.  Love  paints  every  picture,  and  chisels 


ORTHODOXY. 

every  statue;  love,  I  tell  you,  builds  every  fireside.  What 
would  heaven  be  without  love?  And  yet  that  is  what  we 
are  promised — a  heaven  with  your  wife  lost,  your  mfother 
lost,  some  of  your  children  gone.  And  you  expect  to  be 
made  happy  by  falling  in  with  some  angel. 

Such  a  religion  is  demoralizing;  and  how  are  you  to 
get  there?  On  the  efforts  of  another.  You  are  to  be 
perpetually  a  heavenly  pauper,  and  you  will  have  to 
admit  through  all  eternity  that  you  never  would  have  got 
here  if  you  hadn't  got  frightened.  "I  am  here,"  you 
will  say,  ' '  I  have  these  wings,  I  have  this  musical  in- 
strument, because  I  was  scared."  What  a  glorious  world; 
and  then  think  of  it!  No  reformation  in  the  next  world 
—not  the  slightest.  If  you  die  in  Arkansas  that  is  the 
end  of  you.  At  the  end  you  will  be  told  that  being  born 
in  Arkansas  you  had  a  fair  chance.  Think  of  telling  a 
boy  in  the  next  world,  who  lived  and  died  in  Delaware, 
that  he  had  a  fair  show!  Can  anything  be  more  infamous? 
All  on  an  equality — the  rich  and  the  poor,  those  with 
parents  loving  them,  those  with  o^ery  opportunity  for 
education,  on  an  equality  with  the  poor,  the  abject,  and 
the  ignorant — and  the  little  ray  called  life,  this  little 
moment  with  a  shadow  and  a  tear,  this  little  space  be- 
tween your  mother's  arms  and  the  grave,  that  balances 
an  entire  eternity.  And  God  can  do  nothing  for  you 
when  you  get  there.  A  little  Methodist  preacher  can  do 
no  more  for  the  soul  here  than  its  Creator  can  when  you 
get  there.  The  soul  goes  to  heaven,  where  there  is  noth- 
ing but  good  society;  no  bad  examples;  and  they  are  all 
there,  Father,  Son  and  Holy  Ghost,  and  yet  they  can  do 
nothing  for  that  poor  unfortunate  except  to  damn  him. 
Is  there  any  sense  in  that?  Why  should  this  be  a  period 


572  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

of  probation?  It  says  in  the  bible,  I  believe,  "Now  is 
the  accepted  time."  When  does  that  mean?  That 
means  whenever  the  passage  is  pronounced.  Now  is  the 
accepted  time.  It  will  be  the  same  to-morrow,  won't  it? 
And  just  as  appropriate  then  as  to-day,  and  if  appropriate 
at  any  time,  appropriate  through  all  eternity.  What  I 
say  is  this:  There  is  no  world — there  can  be  no  world 
—in  which  every  human  being  will  not  have  an  oppor- 
tunity of  doing  right.  That  is  my  objection  to  this  Chris- 
tian religion,  and  if  the  love  of  earth  is  not  the  love  of 
heaven,  if  those  who  love  us  here  are  to  be  separated 
there,  then  I  want  eternal  sleep.  Give  me  a  good  cold 
grave  rather  than  the  furnace  of  Jehovah's  wrath. 
Gabriel,  don't  blow!  Let  me  alone!  If,  when  the  grave 
bursts,  I  am  not  to  meet  faces  that  have  been  my  sun- 
shine in  this  life,  let  me  sleep  on.  Rather  than  that  the 
doctrine  of  endless  punishment  should  be  tried,  I  would 
like  to  see  the  fabric  of  our  civilization  crumble  and  fall 
to  unmeaning  chaos  and  to  formless  dust,  where  oblivion 
broods  and  where  even  memory  forgets.  I  would  rather 
a  Samson  of  some  unprisoned  force,  released  by  chance, 
should  so  wreck  and  strain  the  mighty  world  that  man  in 
stress  and  strain  of  want  and  fear  should  shudderingly 
crawl  back  to  savage  and  barbaric  night.  I  would  rather 
that  every  planet  would  in  its  orbit  wheel  a  barren  star 
rather  than  that  the  Christian  religion  should  be  true. 

I  think  it  is  better  to  love  your  children  than  to  love 
God,  a  thousand  times  better,  because  you  can  help  them, 
and  I  am  inclined  to  think  that  God  can  get  along  with- 
out you.  I  believe  in  the  religion  of  the  family.  I  be- 
lieve that  the  roof-tree  is  sacred  from  the  smallest  fibre 
held  in  the  soft,  moist  clasp  of  the  earth  to  the  little 


ORTHODOXY.  5/3 

blossom  on  the  topmost  bough  that  gives  its  fragrance  to 
the  happy  air.  The  family  where  virtue  dwells  with  love 
is  like  a  lily  with  a  heart  of  fire — the  fairest  flower  in  all 
this  world.  And  I  tell  you  God  cannot  afford  to  damn  a 
man  in  the  next  world  who  has  made  a  happy  family  in 
this.  God  cannot  afford  to  cast  over  the  battlements  of 
heaven  the  man  who  has  built  a  happy  home  here.  God 
cannot  afford  to  be  unpitying  to  a  human  heart  capable 
of  pity.  God  cannot  clothe  with  fire  the  man  who  has 
clothed  the  naked  here;  and  God  cannot  send  to  eternal 
pain  a  man  who  has  done  something  toward  improving 
the  condition  of  his  fellow-man.  If  he  can,  I  had  rather 
go  to  hell  than  to  heaven  and  keep  the  company  of  such 
a  God. 

They  tell  me  the  next  terrible  thing  I  do  is  to  take  away 
the  hope  of  immortality .  I  do  not,  I  would  not,  I  could 
not.  Immortality  was  first  dreamed  of  by  human  love,  and 
yet  the  church  is  going  to  take  human  love  out  of  im- 
mortality. We  love  it;  therefore  we  wish  to  love.  A 
loved  ones  dies,  and  we  wish  to  meet  again,  and  from  the 
affection  of  the  human  heart  grew  the  great  oak  of  the 
hope  of  immortality.  And  around  that  oak  has  climbed 
the  poisonous  vine,  superstition.  Theologians,  pretenders, 
soothsayers,  parsons,  priests,  popes,  bishops,  have  taken 
all  that  hope,  and  they  have  had  the  impudence  to  stand 
by  the  grave  and  prophesy  a  future  of  pain.  They  have 
erected  their  toll-gates  on  the  highway  to  the  other 
world,  and  have  collected  money  from  the  poor  people 
on  the  way,  and  they  have  collected  it  from  their  fear. 
The  church  did  not  give  us  the  idea  of  immortality;  the 
bible  did  not  give  us  the  idea  of  immortality.  Let  me 
tell  you  now  the  old  testament  tells  you  hovv  you  lost  im- 


574  INGERSOLLS    LECTURES. 

mortality;   it   does  not   say  another  word  about  another 
world   from  the  first  mistake  in  Genesis  to  the  last  curse 

in  Malachi.   There  is  not  in  the  old  testament  one  burial 

••. 

service. 

No  man  in  the  old  testament  stands  by  the  bed  and 
says,  "  I  will  meet  them  again" — not  one  word.  From 
the  top  of  Sinai  came  no  hope  of  another  world.  And 
when  we  get  to  the  new  testament,  what  do  we  find 
there?  "  Have  thy  heart  counted  worthy  to  obtain  that 
world  and  the  resurrection  of  the  dead."  As  though 
some  would  be  counted  unworthy  to  obtain  the  resurrec- 
tion of  the  dead.  And,  in  another  place:  "Seek  for 
honor,  glory,  immortality."  If  you  have  got  it,  why  seek 
for  it?  And  in  another  place:  4<God,  who  alone  hath 
immortality; "  and  yet  they  tell  us  that  we  get  our  ideas 
of  immortality  from  the  bible.  I  deny  it.  If  Christ  was 
in  fact  God,  why  didn't  He  plainly  say  there  was  another 
life?  Why  didn't  He  tell  us  something  about  it?  Why 
didn't  He  turn  the  tear-stained  hope  of  immortality  into 
the  glad  knowledge  of  another  life? 

Why  did  He  go  dumbly  to  his  death,  and  leave  the 
world  in  darkness  and  in  doubt?  Why?  Because  He 
was  a  man  and  didn't  know.  I  would  not  destroy  the 
smallest  star  of  human  hope,  but  I  deny  that  we  got  our 
idea  of  immortality  from  the  bible.  It  existed  long  be- 
fore Moses  existed.  We  find  it  symbolized  through  all 
Egypt,  through  all  India.  Wherever  man  has  lived,  his 
religion  has  made  another  world  in  which  to  meet  the 
lost.  It  is  not  born  of  the  bible.  The  idea  of  immor- 
tality, like  the  great  sea,  has  ebbed  and  flowed  in  the 
human  heart,  beating  with  its  countless  waves  against 
the  rocks  and  sands  of  fate  and  time.  It  was  not  born 


ORTHODOXY.  575 

of  the  bible.  It  was  born  of  the  human  heart,  and  it 
will  continue  to  ebb  and  flow  beneath  the  mists  and 
clouds  of  doubt  and  darkness  as  long  as  love  kisses  the 
lips  of  death.  We  do  not  know.  We  do  not  prophesy 
a  life  of  pain.  We  leave  the  dead  with  nature,  the 
mother  of  us  all,  under  a  seven-hued  bow  of  hope. 
Under  the  seven-hued  arch  let  the  dead  sleep.  "Ah, 
but  you  take  the  consolation  of  religion."  What  conso- 
lation has  religion  for  the  widow  of  the  unbeliever,  the 
widow  of  a  good,  brave,  kind  man  who  lies  dead?  What 
can  the  orthodox  ministers  say  to  relieve  the  bursting 
heart  of  that  woman?  What  can  the  orthodox  ministers 
say  to  relieve  the  aching  hearts  of  the  little  orphans  as 
they  kneel  by  the  grave  of  that  father,  if  that  father 
didn't  happen  to  be  an  orthodox  Christian?  What  con- 
solation have  they?  I  find  that  when  a  Christian  loses  a 
friend  the  tears  spring  from  his  eyes  as  quickly  as  from 
the  eyes  of  others.  Their  tears  are  as  bitter  as  ours. 
Why?  The  echo  of  the  promises  spoken  eighteen 
hundred  years  ago  is  so  low,  and  the  sound  of  the  clods 
upon  the  coffin  so  loud,  the  promises  are  so  far  away, 
and  the  dead  are  so  near.  That  is  the  reason.  And 
they  find  no  consolation  there.  I  say  honestly  we  do  not 
know;  we  cannot  say.  We  cannot  say  whether  death  is 
a  wall  or  a  door;  the  beginning  or  end  of  a  day;  the 
spreading  of  pinions  too  soar  or  the  folding  forever  of 
wings;  whether  it  is  the  rising  or  the  setting  of  sun,  or 
an  endless  life  that  brings  rapture  and  love  to  every  one 
—we  do  not  know;  we  can  not  say. 

There  is  an  old  fable  of  Orpheus  and  Eurydice:  Eury- 
dice  had  been  captured  and  taken  to  the  infernal  regions, 
jmd  Orpheus  went  after  her,  taking  with  him  his  harp 


576  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

and  playing  as  he  went;  and  when  he  came  to  the  infer- 
nal regions  he  began  to  play,  and  Sysiphus  sat  down 
upon  the  stone  that  he  had  been  heaving  up  the  side  ol 
the  mountain  so  many  years,  -and  which  continually  rolled 
back  upon  him;  Ixion  paused  upon  his  wheel  of  fire; 
Tantalus  ceased  in  his  vain  efforts  for  water;  the 
daughters  of  the  Danaidse  left  off  trying  to  fill  their 
sieves  with  water;  Pluto  smiled,  and  for  the  first  time  in 
the  history  of  hell  the  cheeks  of  the  Furies  were  wet 
with  tears;  monsters  relented  and  they  said,  "Eurydice 
may  go  with  you,  but  you  must  not  look  back."  So  he 
again  threaded  the  caverns,  playing  as  he  went,  and  as 
he  again  reached  the  light  he  failed  to  hear  the  footsteps 
of  Eurydice,  and  he  looked  back  and  in  a  moment  she 
was  gone.  This  old  fable  gives  to  us  the  idea  of  the  per- 
petual effort  to  rescue  truth  from  the  churches  cf  mon- 
sters. Some  time  Orpheus  will  not  look  back.  Some 
day  Eurydice  will  reach  the  blessed  light,  and  at  some 
time  there  will  fade  from  the  memory  of  men  the  super- 
stition of  religion. 


LNGERSOLL'S    LECTURE 

— ON — 

"BLASPHEMY" 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN:  There  is  an  old  story  of  a 
missionary  trying  to  convert  an  Indian.  The  Indian 
made  a  little  circle  in  the  sand  and  said,  "  That  is  what 
the  Indian  knows."  Then  he  made  another  circle  a  little 
larger  and  said,  "that  is  what  missionary  knows;  but 
outside  there  the  Indian  knows  just  as  much  as  mission- 
ary." 

I  am  going  to  talk  mostly  outside  that  circle  to-night. 

First,  what  is  the  origin  of  the  crime  known  as  blas- 
phemy? It  is  the  belief  in  a  God  who  is  cruel,  revenge- 
ful, quick  tempered  and  capricious;  a  God  who  punishes 
the  innocent  for  the  guilty;  a  God  wjio  listens  with  delight 
to  the  shrieks  of  the  tortured  and  gazes  enraptured  on 
their  spurting  blood.  You  must  hold  this  belief  before 
you  can  believe  in  the  doctrine  of  blasphemy.  You  must 
believe  that  this  God  loves  ceremonies,  that  this  God 
knows  certain  men  to  whom  He  has  told  all  His  will.  It 

577 


578  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

then  follows  that,  if  this  God  loves  ceremonies  and  has 
certain  men  to  teach  His  will  and  perform  these  cere- 
monies, these  men  must  have  a  place  to  live  in.  This 
place  was  called  a  temple,  and  it  was  sacred.  And  the 
pots  and  pans  and  kettles  and  all  in  it  were  sacred,  too. 
No  one  but  the  priests  must  touch  them.  Then  the  God 
wrote  a  book  in  which  He  told  His  covenants  to  men, 
and  gave  this  book  to  priests  to  interpret.  While  it  was 
sacrilege  to  touch  with  the  hands  the  pots  and  pans  of 
the  temple,  it  was  blasphemy  to  doubt  or  question  any- 
thing in  the  book.  And  then  the  right  to  think  was  gone, 
and  the  right  to  use  the  brain  that  God  had  given  was 
taken  away,  and  religion  was  intrenched  behind  that 
citadel  called  blasphemy. 

God  was  a  kind  of  juggler.  He  did  not  wish  man  to 
be  impudent  or  curious  about  how  He  did  things.  You 
must  sit  in  audience  and  watch  the  tricks  and  ask  no 
questions.  In  front  of  every  fact  He  has  hung  the  im- 
penetrable curtain  of  blasphemy.  Now,  then,  all  the 
little  reason  that  poor  man  had  is  useless.  To  say  any- 
thing against  the  priest  was  blasphemy  and  to  say  any- 
thing against  God  was  blasphemy — to  ask  a  question  was 
blasphemy.  Finally  we  sank  to  the  level  of  fetichism. 
We  began  to  worship  inanimate  things.  If  you  will  read 
your  bible  you  will  find  that  the  Jews  had  a  sacred  box. 
In  it  were  the  rod  oPAaron  and  a  piece  of  manna  and  the 
tables  of  stone.  To  touch  this  box  was  a  crime.  You 
remember  that  one  time  when  a  careless  Jew  thought  the 
box  was  going  to  tip  he  held  it.  God  killed  him.  What 
a  warning  to  baggage  smashers  of  the  present  day. 

We  find  also  that  God  concocted  a  hair  oil  and  threat- 
ened death  to  any  one  who  imitated  it.  And  we  see  that 


BLASPHEMY.  5/9 

He  also  made  a  certain  perfume  and  it  was  death  to 
make  anything  that  smelt  like  it.  It  seems  to  me  this  is 
carrying  protection  too  far.  It  always  has  been  blas- 
phemy to  say  "I  do  not  know  whether  God  exists  or 
not."  In  all  Catholic  countries  it  is  blasphemy  to  doubt 
the  bible,  to  doubt  the  sacredness  of  the  relics.  It  always 
has  been  blasphemy  to  laugh  at  a  priest,  to  ask  questions, 
to  investigate  the  Trinity.  In  a  world  of  superstition, 
reason  is  blasphemy.  In  a  world  of  ignorance,  facts  are 
blasphemy.  In  a  world  of  cruelty,  sympathy  is  a  crime, 
and  in  a  world  of  lies,  truth  is  blasphemy.  Who  are  the 
real  blasphemers?  Webster  offers  the  definition;  blas- 
phemy is  an  insult  offered  to  God  by  attributing  to  Him 
a  nature  and  qualities  differing  from  His  real  nature  and 
qualities,  and  dishonoring  Him.  A  very  good  definition, 
if  you  only  know  what  His  nature  and  qualities  are. 
But  that  is  not  revealed;  for,  studying  Him  through  the 
medium  of  the  bible,  we  find  Him  inimitably  contradic- 
tory. He  commands  us  not  to  work  on  the  Sabbath  day, 
because  it  is  holy.  Yet  God  works  himself  on  the  Sab- 
bath day.  The  sun,  moon  and  stars  swing  round  in 
their  orbits,  and  all  the  creation  attributed  to  this  God 
goes  on  as  on  other  days.  He  says:  "  Honor  thy  father 
and  mother,"  and  yet  this  God,  in  the  person  of  Christ, 
offered  honors,  and  glory,  and  happiness  a  hundred  fold 
to  any  who  would  desert  their  father  and  mother  for  Him. 
Thou  shalt  not  kill,  yet  God  killed  the  first-born  of  Egypt, 
and  he  commanded  Joshua  to  kill  all  His  enemies,  not 
sparing  old  or  young,  man,  woman  or  child,  even  an  un- 
born child.  "Thou  shalt  not  commit  adultery,"  he  says, 
and  yet  this  God  gave  the  wives  of  defeated  enemies  to 
His  soldiers  of  Joshua's  army.  Then  again  He  says, 


580  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

"  Thou  shalt  not  steal."  By  this  command  He  protected 
the  inanimate  property  and  the  cattle  of  one  man  against 
the  hand  of  another,  and  yet  this  God  who  said  <4  Thou 
shalt  not  steal,"  established  human  slavery.  The  prod- 
ucts of  industry  were  not  to  be  interfered  with,  but  the 
producer  might  be  stolen  as  often  as  possible.  ' '  Thou 
shalt  not  bear  false  witness  against  thy  neighbor."  And 
yet  the  God  who  said  this  said  also,  "  I  have  sent  lying 
spirits  unto  Ahab."  The  only  commandment  He  really 
kept  was,  "Thou  shalt  have  none  other  gods  but  Me." 
Is  it  blasphemous  to  describe  this  God  as  malicious? 
You  know  that  laughter  is  a  good  index  of  the  character 
of  a  man.  You  like  and  rejoice  with  the  man  whose 
laugh  is  free  and  joyous  and  full  of  good  will.  You  fear 
and  dislike  him  of  the  sneering  laugh.  How  does  God 
laugh?  He  says,  "I  will  laugh  at  their  calamity  and 
mock  at  their  misfortune,"  speaking  of  some  who  have 
sinned.  Think  of  the  malice  and  malignity  of  that  in  an 
infinite  God  when  speaking  of  the  sufferings  He  is  going 
to  impose  upon  His  children.  You  know  that  it  is  said 
of  a  Roman  emperor  that  he  wrote  laws  very  finely,  and 
posted  them  so  high  on  the  walls  that  no  one  could  read 
them,  and  then  he  punished  the  people  who  disobeyed 
the  laws.  That  is  the  acme  of  tyranny:  to  provide  a 
punishment  for  breach  of  laws  the  existence  of  which 
were  unknown.  Now  we  all  know  that  there  is  sin 
against  the  Holy  Ghost  which  will  not  be  forgiven  in  this 
world  nor  in  the  world  to  come.  Hundreds  of  thousands 
of  people  have  been  driven  to  the  lunatic  asylum  by  the 
thought  that  they  had  committed  this  unpardonable  sin. 
Every  educated  minister  knows  that  that  part  of  the  bible 
is  an  interpolation,  but  they  all  preach  it.  What  that 


BLASPHEMY.  581 

sin  against  the  Holy  Ghost  is,  is  not  specified.  I  say, 
"  Oh,  but  my  good  God,  tell  me  what  this  sin  is."  And 
He  answers,  "Maybe  now  asking  is  the  crime.  Keep 
quiet."  So  I  keep  quiet  and  go  about  tortured  with  the 
fear  that  I  have  committed  that  sin.  Is  it  blasphemy  to 
describe  God  as  needing  assistance  from  the  Legislature? 
Calling  for  the  aid  of  a  mob  to  enforce  His  will  here. 
Compare  that  God  with  a  man,  even  with  Henry  Bergh. 
See  what  Mr.  Bergh  has  done  to  awaken  pity  in  our  peo- 
ple and  call  sympathy  to  the  rescue  of  suffering  animals. 
And  yet  our  God  was  a  torturer  of  dumb  brutes. 

It  is  blasphemy  to  say  that  our  God  sent  the  famine 
and  dried  the  mother's  breast  from  her  infant's  withered 
lips?  Is  it  blasphemy  to  say  that  He  is  the  author  of  the 
pestilence;  that  He  ordered  some  of  His  children  to  con- 
sume others  with  fire  and  sword?  Is  it  blasphemy  to  be- 
lieve what  we  read  in  the  lOQth  Psalm?  If  these  things 
are  not  blasphemy,  then  there  is  no  blasphemy.  If  there 
be  a  God  I  desire  Him  to  write  in  the  book  of  judgment 
opposite  my  name  that  I  denied  these  lies  for  Him. 

Let  us  take  another  step;  let  us  examine  the  Presbyte- 
rian confession  of  faith.  If  it  be  possible  to  commit 
blasphemy,  then  I  contend  that  the  Presbyterian  creed  is 
most  blasphemous,  for,  according  to  that,  God  is  a  cruel, 
unrelenting,  revengeful,  malignant  and  utterly  unreasona- 
ble tyrant.  I  propose  now  to  pay  a  little  attention  to 
the  creed.  First,  it  confesses  that  there  is  such  a  thing 
as  a  light  of  nature.  It  is  sufficient  to  make  man  inex- 
cusable, but  not  sufficient  for  salvation;  just  light  enough 
to  lead  man  to  hell.  Now  imagine  a  man  who  will  put 
a  false  light  on  a  hilltop  to  lure  a  ship  to  destruction. 
What  would  we  say  of  that  man?  What  can  we  say  of 


582  INGERSOLL'S    LECTURES. 

a  God  who  gives  this  false  light  of  nature  which,  if  its 
lessons  are  followed,  results  in  hell?  That  is  the  Pres- 
byterian God.  I  don't  like  Him.  Now  it  occurred  to 
God  that  the  light  of  nature  was  somewhat  weak,  and 
He  thought  He'd  light  another  burner.  Therefore  He 
made  His  book  and  gave  it  to  His  servants,  the  priests, 
that  they  might  give  it  to  men.  It  was  to  be  accepted, 
not  on  the  authority  of  Moses,  or  any  other  writer,  but 
because  it  was  the  word  of  God .  How  do  you  know  it's  the 
word  of  God?  You're  not  to  take  the  word  of  Moses,  or 
David,  or  Jeremiah,  or  Isaiah,  or  any  other  man,  because 
the  authenticity  of  their  work  has  nothing  to  do  with  the 
matter;  this  creed  expressly  lets  them  out.  How  are  you 
to  know  that  it  is  God's  word?  Because  it  is  God's  word. 
Why  is  it  God's  word?  What  proof  have  we  that  it  is 
God's  word?  Because  it  is  God's  word. 

Now,  then,  I  find  that  the  next  thing  in  this  wonder- 
ful confession  of  faith  of  the  Presbyterians  is  the  decree 
of  predestination.  [Reads  the  decree.]  I  am  pleased 
to  assure  you  that  it  is  not  necessary  to  understand  this. 
You  have  only  to  believe  it.  You  see  that  by  the  decree 
of  God  some  men  angels  are  predestinated  to  heaven  and 
others  to  eternal  hell,  and  you  observe  that  their  number 
is  so  certain  and  definite  that  it  can  neither  be  changed 
nor  altered.  You  are  asked  to  believe  that  billions  of 
years  ago  this  God  knew  the  names  of  all  the  men  and 
women  whom  He  was  going  to  save.  Had  'em  in  His 
book,  that  being  the  only  thing  except  Himself  that  then 
existed.  He  had  chosen  the  names  by  the  aid  of  the  se- 
cret council.  The  reason  they  called  it  secret  was  be- 
cause they  knew  all  about  it. 

In  making  His  choice,  God  was  not  at  all  bigoted.    He 


BLASPHEMY.  583 

did  not  choose  John  Smith  because  He  foresaw  that 
Smith  was  to  be  a  Presbyterian,  and  was  to  possess  a 
loving  nature,  was  to  be  honest  and  true  and  noble  in  all 
his  ways,  doing  good  himself  and  encouraging  others  in 
the  same.  Oh,  no!  He  was  quite  as  likely  to  pick 
Brown,  in  spite  of  the  fact  that  He  knew  long  before  that 
Brown  would  be  a  wicked  wretch.  You  see  He  was  just 
as  apt  to  send  Smith  to  the  devil  and  take  Brown  to 
heaven — and  all  for  "  His  glory."  This  God  also  blinds 
and  hardens — ah!  he's  a  peculiar  God.  If  sinners  per- 
severe, He  will  blind  and  harden  and  give  them  over  at 
last  to  their  own  wickedness  instead  of  trying  to  reclaim 
and  save  them. 

Now  we  come  to  the  comforting  doctrine  of  the  total 
depravity  of  man,  and  this  leads  us  to  consider  how  he 
came  that  way.  Can  any  person  read  the  first  chapters 
of  Genesis  and  believe  them  unless  his  logic  was  assas- 
sinated in  the  cradle?  We  read  that  our  first  parents 
were  placed  in  a  pleasant  garden;  that  they  were  given 
the  full  run  of  the  place  and  only  forbidden  to  meddle 
with  the  orchard;  that  they  were  tempted  as  God  knew 
they  were  to  be  tempted;  that  they  fell  as  God  knew  they 
would  fall,  and  that  for  this  fall,  which  He  knew  would 
happen  before  He  made  them,  He  fixed  the  curse  of 
original  sin  upon  them,  to  be  continued  to  all  their  chil- 
dren. Why  didn't  He  stop  right  there?  Why  didn't  He 
kill  Adam  and  Eve  and  make  another  pair  who  didn't 
like  apples?  Then  when  He  brought  His  flood  why  did 
He  rescue  eight  people  if  their  descendants  were  to  be 
so  totally  depraved  and  wicked?  Why  didn't  He  have 
His  flood  first,  and  then  drown  the  devil?  That  would 
have  solved  the  problem,  and  He  could  then  have  tried 
experiments  unmolested. 


584  INGERSOLI/S    LECTURES. 

The  Presbyterian  confession  says  this  corruption  was 
in  all  men.  It  was  born  with  them,  it  lived  through 
their  life,  and  after  death  survived  in  the  children.  Well, 
can't  man  help  himself?  No.  I'll  show  you.  God's  got 
him.  Listen  to  this.  [Reads  extracts.]  So  that  a 
natural  man  is  not  only  dead  in  sin  and  unable  to  accom- 
plish salvation,  but  he  is  also  incapable  of  preparing  him- 
self therefor.  Absolutely  incapable  of  taking  a  trick. 
He  is  saved,  if  at  all,  completely  by  the  mercy  of  God. 
If  that's  the  case,  then  why  doesn't  He  convert  us  all? 
Oh,  He  doesn't.  He  wishes  to  send  the  most  of  us  to 
hell — to  show  His  justice.  Elect  infants  dying  in  infancy 
are  regenerate.  So  also  are  all  persons  incapable  of  un- 
belief. That  includes  insane  persons  and  idiots,  because 
an  idiot  is  incapable  of  unbelief.  Idiots  are  the  only 
fellows  who've  got  the  dead  wood  on  God.  Then  accord- 
ing to  this,  the  man  who  has  lived  according  to  the  light 
of  nature,  doing  the  best  he  knew  how  to  make  this  earth 
happy,  will  be  damned  by  God  because  he  never  heard  of 
His  son.  Whose  fault  is  it  that  an  infinite  God  does  not 
advertise?  Something  wrong  about  that.  I  am  inclined 
to  think  that  the  Presbyterian  church  is  wrong. 

I  find  here  how  utterly  unpardonable  sin  is.  There  is 
no  sin  so  small  but  it  is  punished  with  hell,  and  away 
you  go  straight  to  the  deepest  burning  pit  unless  your 
heart  has  been  purified  by  this  confession  of  faith — un- 
less this  snake  has  crawled  in  there  and  made  itself  a 
nest.  Why  should  we  help  religion?  I  would  like  people 
to  ask  themselves  that  question.  An  infinite  God,  by 
practicing  a  reasonable  economy,  can  get  along  without 
assistance.  Loudly  this  confession  proclaims  that  salva- 
tion comes  from  Christ  alone.  What,  then,  becomes  of 


BLASPHEMY.  585 

the  savage  who,  having  never  known  the  name  of  Christ, 
has  lived  according  to  the  light  of  nature,  kind  and  heroic 
and  generous,  and  possessed  of  and  cultivating  all  the 
natural  virtues?  He  goes  to  hell.  God,  you  see,  loves 
us.  If  He  had  not  loved  us  what  would  He  have  done? 
The  light  of  nature  then  shows  that  God  is  good  and 
therefore  to  be  feared — on  account  of  his  goodness,  to  be 
served  and  honored  without  ceasing.  And  yet  this  creed 
says  that  on  the  last  day  God  will  damn  anyone  who  has 
walked  according  to  this  light.  It's  blasphemy  to  walk 
by  the  light  of  nature. 

The  next  great  doctrine  is  on  the  preservation  of  the. 
saints.  Now,  there  are  peculiarities  about  saints.  They 
are  saints  without  their  own  knowledge  or  free  will;  they 
may  even  be  down  on  saints,  but  its  no  good.  God  has 
got  a  rolling  hitch  on  them,  and  they  have  to  come  into 
the  kingdom  sooner  or  later.  It  all  depends  on  whether 
they  have  been  elected  or  not.  God  could  have  made 
me  a  saint  just  as  easy  as  not,  but  He  passed  me  by. 
Now  you  know  the  Presbyterians  say  I  trample  on  holy 
things.  They  believe  in  hell  and  I  come  and  say  there  is 
no  hell.  I  hurt  their  hearts,  they  say,  and  they  add 
that  I  am  going  to  hell  myself.  I  thank  them  for  that; 
but  now  let's  see  what  these  tender  Presbyterians  say  of 
other  churches.  Here  it  is: 

This  confession  of  faith  calls  the  pope  of  Rome  anti- 
Christ  and  a  son  of  perdition.  Now  there  are  forty 
Roman  Catholics  to  one  Presbyterian  on  this  earth.  Do 
not  the  Presbyterians  rather  trample  on  the  things  that 
are  holy  to  the  Roman  Catholics,  and  do  they  respect 
their  feelings?  But  the  Presbyterians  have  a  pope  them- 
selves, composed  of  the  presbyters  and  preachers.  This 


586  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

confession  attributes  to  them  the  keys  of  heaven  and  hell 
and  the  power  to  forgive  sins  [Here  extracts  are  read.] 
Therefore  these  men  must  be  infallible,  for  God  would 
never  be  so  foolish  as  to  intrust  fallible  men  with  the 
keys  of  heaven  and  hell.  I  care  nothing  for  their  keys, 
nor  for  any  world  these  keys  would  open  or  lock;  I  pre- 
fer the  country. 

We  are  told  by  this  faith  that  at  the  last  day  all  the 
men  and  women  and  children  who  have  ever  lived  on  the 
earth  will  appear  in  the  self  same  bodies  they  have  had 
when  on  earth.  Everyone  who  knows  anything  knows 
the  constant  exchange  which  is  going  on  between  the 
vegetable  and  animal  kingdom.  The  millions  of  atoms 
which  compose  one  of  our  bodies  have  all  come  from 
animals  and  vegetables,  and  they  in  their  turn  drew  them 
from  animals  and  vegetables  which  preceded  them. 
The  same  atoms  which  are  now  in  our  bodies  have  pre- 
viously been  in  the  bodies  of  our  ancestors.  The  negro 
from  Central  Africa  has  many  times  been  mahogany  and 
the  mahogany  has  many  times  been  negro.  A  mission- 
ary goes  to  the  cannibal  islands  and  a  cannibal  eats  him 
and  dies.  The  atoms  which  composed  the  missionary's 
body  now  compose  in  great  part  the  cannibal's  body.  To 
whom  will  these  atoms  belong  on  the  morning  of  the 
resurrection? 

How  did  the  devil,  who  had  always  lived  in  heaven 
among  the  best  society,  ever  happen  to  become  bad?  If 
a  man  surrounded  by  angels  could  become  bad,  why  can- 
not a  man  surrounded  by  devils  become  good? 

Here  is  the  last  Presbyterian  joy:  At  the  day  of 
judgment  the  righteous  shall  be  caught  up  to  heaven  and 
shall  stand  at  the  right  hand  of  Christ  and  share  with 


BLASPHEMY.  587 

Him  in  judging  the  wicked.  Then  the  Presbyterian  hus- 
band may  have  the  ineffable  pleasure  of  judging  his  wife 
and  condemning  her  to  eternal  hell,  and  the  boy  will  say 
to  his  mother,  echoing  the  command  of  God:  "  Depart, 
thou  accursed,  into  everlasting  torment! "  Here  will 
come  a  man  who  has  not  believed  in  God.  He  was  a 
soldier  who  took  up  arms  to  free  the  slaves  and  who 
rotted  to  death  in  Andersonville  prison  rather  than  accept 
the  offer  of  his  captors  to  fight  against  freedom.  He 
loved  his  wife  and  his  children  and  his  home  and  his 
native  country  and  all  mankind,  and  did  all  the  good  he 
knew.  God  will  say  to  the  Presbyterians,  "  What  shall 
we  do  to  this  man?"  and  they  will  answer,  "Throw  him 
into  hell." 

Last  night  there  was  a  fire  in  Philadelphia,  and  at  a 
window  fifty  feet  above  the  ground  Mr.  King  stood  amid- 
flame  and  smoke  and  pressed  his  children  to  his  breast 
one  after  the  other,  kissed  them,  and  threw  them  to  the 
rescuers  with  a  prayer.  That  was  man.  At  the  last  day 
God  takes  His  children  with  a  curse  and  hurls  them  into 
eternal  fire.  That's  your  God  as  the  Presbyterians  de- 
scribe Him.  Do  you  believe  that  God — if  there  is  one 
—will  ever  damn  me  for  thinking  Him  better  than  He  is? 
If  this  creed  be  true,  God  is  the  insane  keeper  of  a  mad 
house. 

We  have  in  this  city  a  clergyman  who  contends  that 
this  creed  gives  a  correct  picture  of  God,  and  further- 
more says  that  God  has  the  right  to  do  with  us  what  He 
pleases — because  He  made  us.  If  I  could  change  this 
lamp  into  a  human  being,  that  would  not  give  me  the 
right  to  torture  him,  and  if  I  did  torture  him  and  he 
cried  out,  "  Why  torturest  thou  me?"  and  I  replied, 


588  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

"  Because  I  made  you,"  he  would  be  right  in  replying, 
"You  made  me,  therefore  you  are  responsible  for  my 
happiness."  No  God  has  a  right  to  add  to  the  sum  of 
human  misery.  And  yet  this  minister  believes  an  honest 
thought  blasphemy.  No  doubt  he  is  perfectly  honest. 
Otherwise  he  would  have  too  much  intellectual  pride  to 
take  the  position  he  does.  He  says  that  the  bible  offers 
the  only  restraint  to  the  savage  passions  of  man.  In  lands 
where,  there  has  been  no  bible  there  have  been  mild  and 
beneficent  philosophers,  like  Buddha  and  Confucius.  Is 
it  possible  that  the  bible  is  the  only  restraint,  and  yet  the 
nations  among  whom  these  men  lived  have  been  as  moral 
as  we?  In  Brooklyn  and  New  York  you  have  the  bible, 
yet  do  you  find  that  the  restraint  is  a  great  success?  Is 
there  a  city  on  the  globe  which  lacks  more  in  certain 
directions  than  some  in  Christendom,  or  even  the  United 
States? 

What  are  the  natural  virtues  of  man?  Honesty,  hos- 
pitality, mercy  in  the  hour  of  victory,  generosity — do  we 
not  find  these  virtues  among  some  savages?  Do  we  find 
them  among  all  Christians?  I  am  also  told  by  these 
gentlemen  that  the  time  will  come  when  the  infidel  will 
be  silenced  by  society.  Why  that  time  came  long  ago. 
Society  gave  the  hemlock  to  Socrates.  Society  in 
Jerusalem  cried  out  for  Barrabas  and  crucified  Jesus.  In 
every  Christian  country  society  has  endeavored  to  crush 
the  infidel. 

Blasphemy  is  a  padlock  which  hypocrisy  tries  to  put 
on  the  lips  of  all  honest  men.  At  one  time  Christianity 
succeeded  in  silencing  the  infidel,  and  then  came  the 
dark  ages,  when  all  rule  was  ecclesiastical,  when  the  air 
was  filled  with  devils  and  spooks,  when  birth  was  a  mis- 


BLASPHEMY.  589 

fortune,  life  a  prolonged  misery  of  fear  and  torment,  and 
death  a  horrible  nightmare.  They  crushed  the  infidels, 
Galileo,  Kepler,  Copernicus,  wherever  a  ray  of  light  ap- 
peared in  the  ecclesiastical  darkness.  But  I  want  to  tell 
this  minister  to-night,  and  all  others  like  him,  that  that 
day  is  passed.  All  the  churches  in  the  United  States  can 
not  even  crush  me.  The  day  for  that  has  gone,  never  to 
return.  If  they  think  they  can  crush  free  thought  in  this 
country,  let  them  try  it.  What  must  this  minister  think 
of  you  and  the  citizens  of  this  republic  when  he  says, 
11  Take  the  fear  of  hell  out  of  men's  hearts  and  a  majority 
of  them  will  become  ungovernably  wicked. "  Oh,  think 
of  an  angel  in  heaven  having  to  allow  that  he  was  scared 
there. 

This  minister  calls  for  my  arrest.  He  thinks  his  God 
needs  help,  and  would  like  to  see  the  police  crush  the 
infidel.  I  would  advise  Mr.  Talmage  (hisses)  to  furnish 
his  God  with  a  rattle,  so  that  when  he  is  in  danger  again 
he  can  summon  the  police  immediately. 

I'll  tell  you  what  is  blasphemy.  It  is  blasphemy  to 
live  on  the  fruits  of  other  men's  labor,  to  prevent  the 
growth  of  the  human  mind,  to  persecute  for  opinion's 
sake,  to  abuse  your  wife  and  children,  to  increase  in  any 
manner  the  sum  of  human  misery. 

I'll  tell  you  what  is  sacred.  Our  bodies  are  sacred, 
our  rights  are  sacred,  justice  and  liberty  are  sacred. 

I'll  tell  you  what  is  the  true  bible.  It  is  the  sum  of  all 
actual  knowledge  of  man,  and  every  man  who  discovers 
a  new  fact  adds  a  new  verse  to  this  bible.  It  is  different 
from  the  other  bible,  because  that  is  the  sum  of  all  that 
its  writers  and  readers  do  not  know. 


INGERSOLL'S  LECTURE 


— ENTITLED 


SOME  REASONS  WHY. 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN:  The  history  of  the  world 
shows  that  religion  has  made  enemies  instead  of  friends. 
That  one  word  "  religion  "  paints  the  horizon  of  the  past 
with  every  form  of  agony  and  torture,  and  when  one 
pronounces  the  name  of  "religion"  we  think  of  1,500 
years  of  persecution,  of  6,000  years  of  hatred,  slander 
and  vituperation.  Strange,  but  true,  that  those  who 
have  loved  God  most  have  loved  men  least;  strange  that 
in  countries  where  there  has  been  the  most  religion  there 
has  been  the  most  agony;  and  that  is  one  reason  why  I 
am  opposed  to  what  is  known  as  religion. 

By  religion  I  mean  the  duties  that  men  are  supposed 
to  owe  to  God;  by  religion  I  mean,  not  what  man  owes 
to  man,  but  what  we  owe  to  some  invisible,  infinite  and 
supreme  being.  The  question  arises,  Can  any  relation 
exist  between  finite  man  and  infinite  being?  An  infinite 
being  is  absolutely  conditional.  An  infinite  being  can- 
not walk,  cannot  receive,  and  a  finite  being  cannot  give 

590 


SOME  REASONS    WHY.  591 

to  the  infinite.  Can  I  increase  his  happiness  or  decrease 
his  misery?  Does  he  need  my  strength  or  my  life? 
What  can  I  do  for  him?  I  say,  nothing. 

For  one,  I  do  not  believe  there  is  any  God  who  gives 
rain  or  sunshine  for  praying.  For  one,  I  do  not  be  lieve 
there  is  any  being  who  helps  man  simply  because  he 
kneels.  I  may  be  mistaken,  but  that  is  my  doctrine — 
that  the  finite  cannot  by  any  possibility  help  the  infinite, 
or  the  infinite  be  indebted  to  the  finite;  that  the  finite 
cannot  by  any  possibility  assist  a  being  who  is  all  in  all. 
What  can  we  do?  We  can  help  man;  we  can  help 
clothe  the  naked,  feed  the  hungry;  we  can  help  break 
the  chains  of  the  slave;  we  can  help  weave  a  garment  of 
joy  that  will  finally  cover  this  world. 

That  is  all  that  man  can  do.  Wherever  he  has  en- 
deavored to  do  more  he  has  simply  increased  the  mis- 
ery of  his  fellows.  I  can  find  out  nothing  of  these  things 
myself  by  my  unaided  reasoning.  If  there  is  an  infinite 
God  and  I  have  not  reason  enough  to  comprehend  His 
universe,  whose  fault  is  it?  I  am  told  that  we  have  the 
inspired  will  of  God.  I  do  not  know  exactly  what  they 
mean  by  inspired.  Not  two  sects  agree  on  that  word. 
Some  tell  me  that  every  great  work  is  inspired;  that 
Shakespeare  is  inspired.  I  would  be  less  apt  to  dispute 
that  than  a  similar  remark  about  any  other  book  on  this 
earth.  If  Jehovah  had  wanted  to  have  a  book  written, 
the  inspiration  of  which  should  not  be  disputed,  He 
should  have  waited  until  Shakespeare  lived. 

Whatever  they  mean  by  inspiration,  they  at  least 
mean  that  it  is  true.  If  it  is  true,  it  does  not  need  to  be 
inspired.  The  truth  will  take  care  of  itself.  Nothing 
except  a  falsehood  needs  inspiration.  What  is  inspira- 


592  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

tion?  A  man  looks  at  the  sea,  and  the  sea  says  some- 
thing to  him.  Another  man  looks  at  the  same  sea,  and 
the  sea  tells  another  story  to  him.  The  sea  cannot  tell 
the  same  story  to  any  two  human  beings.  There  is  not 
a  thing  in  nature,  from  a  pebble  to  a  constellation,  that 
tells  the  same  story  to  any  two  human  beings.  It  de- 
pends upon  the  man's  experience,  his  intellectual  devel- 
opment, and  what  chord  of  memory  it  touches.  One 
looks  upon  the  sea  and  is  filled  with  grief;  another  looks 
upon  it  and  laughs. 

Last  year,  riding  in  the  cars  from  Boston  to  Ports- 
mouth, sat  opposite  me  a  lady  and  gentleman.  As  we 
reached  the  latter  place  the  woman,  for  the  first  time  in 
her  life,  caught  a  burst  of  the  sea,  and  she  looked  and 
said  to  her  husband  "  Isn't  that  beautiful!"  And  he 
looked  and  said:  "  I'll  bet  you  can  dig  clams  right 
there." 

Another  illustration:  A  little  while  ago  a  gentleman 
was  walking  with  another  in  South  Carolina,  at  Charles- 
ton— one  who  had  been  upon  the  other  side.  Said  the 
Northerner  to  the  Southerner,  "  Did  you  ever  see  such  a 
night  as  this;  did  you  ever  in  your  life  see  such  a  moon?" 
4 'Oh,  my  God,"  said  he,  "you  ought  to  have  seen  that 
moon  before  the  war!  " 

I  simply  say  these  things  to  convince  you  that  every- 
thing in  nature  has  a  different  story  to  tell  every  human 
being.  So  the  bible  tells  a  different  story  to  every  man 
that  reads  it.  History  proves  what  I  say.  Why  so 
many  sects?  Why  so  much  persecution?  Simply  be- 
cause two  people  couldn't  understand  it  exactly  alike. 
You  may  reply  that  God  intended  it  should  be  so  under- 
stood, and  that  is  the  real  revelation  that  God  intended. 


SOME  REASONS  WHY.  593 

For  instance,  I  write  a  letter  to  Smith.  I  want  to 
convey  to  him  certain  thoughts.  If  I  am  honest  I  will 
use  the  words  which  will  convey  to  him  my  thoughts, 
but  not  being  infinite,  I  don't  know  exactly  how  Smith 
will  understand  my  words;  but  if  I  were  infinite  I  would 
be  bound  to  use  the  words  that  I  know  Smith  would  get 
my  exact  idea  from.  If  God  intended  to  make  a  revela- 
tion to  me  He  has  to  make  it  to  me  through  my  brain 
and  my  reasoning.  He  cannot  make  a  revelation  to 
another  man  for  me.  That  other  man  will  have  God's 
word  for  it  but  I  will  only  have  that  man's  word  for  it. 
As  that  man  has  been  dead  for  several  thousand  years, 
and  as  I  don't  know  what  his  reputation  was  for  truth 
and  veracity  in  the  neighborhood  in  which  he  lived,  I  will 
wait  for  the  Lord  to  speak  again. 

Suppose  when  I  read  it,  the  revelation  to  me,  through 
the  bible,  is  that  it  is  not  true,  and  God  knew  that  I 
would  know  that  when  I  did  read  it,  and  knew,  if  I  did 
not  say  it,  I  would  be  dishonest.  Is  it  possible  that  He 
would  damn  me  for  being  honest,  and  give  me  wings  if 
I  would  play  the  hypocrite? 

The  inspiration  of  the  bible  depends  upon  the  ignor- 
ance of  the  gentleman  who  reads  it.  Yet  they  tell  me 
this  book  was  written  by  the  creator  of  every  shining  star. 
Now  let  us  see.  I  want  to  be  honest  and  candid .  I 
have  just  as  much  at  stake  in  the  way  of  soul  as  any 
doctor  of  divinity  that  ever  lived,  and  more  than  some  I 
have  met.  According  to  this  book,  the  first  attempt  at 
peopling  this  world  was  a  failure.  God  had  to  destroy 
all  but  eight.  He  saved  some  of  the  same  kind  to  start 
again,  which  I  think  was  a  mistake.  After  that,  the 
people  still  getting  worse,  he  selected  from  the  wide 


594  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

world  a  few  of  the  tribe  of  Abraham.  He  had  no  time 
to  waste  with  everybody.  He  had  no  time  to  throw 
away  on  Egypt.  It  had  at  that  time  avast  and  splendid 
civilization,  in  which  there  were  free  schools;  in  which 
the  one  man  married  the  one  wife;  where  there  were 
courts  of  law;  where  there  were  codes  of  laws. 

Neither  could  He  give  attention  to  India,  that  had  at 
that  time  a  literature  as  splendid  almost  as  ours,  a  lan- 
guage as  perfect;  that  had  produced  poets,  philosophers, 
statesmen.  He  had  no  time  to  waste  with  them,  but 
took  a  few  of  the  tribe  of  Abraham,  and  He  did  His 
best  to  civilize  these  people.  He  was  their  governor, 
their  executive,  their  supreme  court.  He  established  a 
despotism,  and  from  Mount  Sinai  He  proclaimed  His 
laws.  They  didn't  pay  much  attention  to  them.  He 
wrought  thousands  of  miracles  to  convince  them  that  He 
was  God.. 

Isn't  it  perfectly  wonderful  that  the  priest  of  one  re- 
ligion never  believes  the  miracles  told  by  the  priest  of 
another?  Is  it  possible  that  they  know  each  other?  I 
heard  a  story  the  other  day.  A  gentleman  was  telling  a 
very  remarkable  circumstance  that  happened  to  himself, 
and  all  the  listeners  except  one  said,  "Is  it  possible; 
did  you  ever  hear  such  a  wonderful  thing  in  all  your  life?  " 
They  noticed  that  this  one  man  didn't  appear  to  take  a 
vivid  interest  in  the  story,  so  one  said  to  him,  "You 
don't  express  much  astonishment  at  the  story?"  "No,4 
says  he,  "  I  am  a  liar  myself." 

I  find  by  reading  this  book  that  a  worse  government 
was  never  established  than  that  established  by  Jehovah; 
that  the  Jews  were  the  most  unfortunate  people  who 
lived  upon  the  globe.  Let  us  compare  this  book.  In 


SOME  REASONS  WHY.  595 

all  civilized  countries  it  is  riot  only  admitted,  but  passion- 
ately asserted,  that  slavery  is  an  infamous  crime;  that  a 
war  of  extermination  is  murder;  that  polygamy  enslaves 
woman,  degrades  man  and  destroys  home;  that  nothing 
is  more  infamous  than  the  slaughter  of  decrepit  men  and 
helpless  women,  and  of  prattling  babes;  that  the  cap- 
tured maiden  should  not  be  giveh  to  her  captors;  that 
wives  should  not  be  stoned  to  death  for  differing  in  re- 
ligion from  their  husbands.  We  know  there  was  a  time 
in  the  history  of  most  nations  when  all  these  crimes  were 
regarded  as  divine  institutions.  Nations  entertaining 
these  views  to-day  are  called  savage,  and  with  the  ex- 
ception of  the  Feejee  islanders,  some  tribes  in  Central 
Africa,  and  a  few  citizens  of  Delaware,  no  human  being 
can  be  found  degraded  enough  to  agree  upon  those  sub- 
jects with  Jehovah. 

To-day,  the  fact  that  a  nation  has  abolished  and  aban- 
doned those  things  is  the  only  evidence  that  it  can  offer 
to  show  that  it  is  not  still  barbarous;  but  a  believer  in 
the  inspiration  of  the  bible  is  compelled  to  say  there  was 
a  time  when  slavery  was  right,  when  polygamy  was  the 
highest  form  of  virtue,  when  wars  of  extermination  were 
waged  with  the  sword  of  mercy,  and  when  the  creator  of 
the  whole  world  commanded  the  soldier  to  sheathe  the 
dagger  of  murder  in  the  dimpled  breast  of  infancy.  The 
believer  of  inspiration  of  the  bible  is  compelled  to  say 
there  was  a  time  when  it  was  right  for  a  husband  to  mur- 
der his  wife  because  they  differed  upon  subjects  of  re- 
ligion. I  deny  that  such  a  time  ever  was.  If  I  knew 
the  real  God  said  it,  I  would  still  deny  it. 

Four  thousand  years  ago,  if  the  bible  is  true,  God  was 
in  favor  of  slavery,  polygamy,  wars  of  extermination  and 


596  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

religious  persecution.  Now  we  are  told  the  devil  is  in 
favor  of  all  those  things,  and  God  is  opposed  to  them; 
in  other  words,  the  devil  stands  now  where  God  stood 
4,000  years  ago;  yet  they  tell  me  God  is  just  as  good 
now  as  he  was  then,  and  the  devil  just  as  bad  now  as 
God  was  then.  Other  nations  believed  in  slavery,  poly- 
gamy, and  war  and  persecution  without  ever  having  re- 
ceived one  ray  of  light  from  heaven.  That  shows  that  a 
special  revelation  is  not  necessary  to  teach  a  man  to  do 
wrong.  Other  nations  did  no  worse  without  the  bible 
than  the  Jews  did  with  it. 

Suppose  the  devil  had  inspired  a  book.  In  what  re- 
spect would  he  have  differed  from  God  on  the  subject  of 
slavery,  polygamy,  wars  of  extermination,  and  religious 
persecution?  Suppose  we  knew  that  after  God  had  fin- 
ished his  book  the  devil  had  gotten  possession  of  it,  and 
written  a  few  passages  to  suit  himself,  which  passages, 
O  Christian,  would  you  pick  out  now  as  having  probably 
been  written  by  the  devil?  Which  of  these  two,  "  Love 
thy  neighbor  as  thyself,"  or  "Kill  all  the  males  among 
the  little  ones,  and  kill  every  man,  but  all  the  women  and 
girls  keep  alive  for  yourselves  " — which  of  those  two  pas- 
sages would  they  select  as  having  been  written  by  the 
devil? 

If  God  wrote  the  last,  there  is  no  need  of  a  devil.  Is 
there  a  Christian  in  the  wide  world  who  does  not  wish 
that  God,  from  the  thunder  and  lightning  of  Sinai,  had 
said:  "You  shall  not  enslave  your  fellow-man!"  I  am 
opposed  to  any  man  who  is  in  favor  of  slavery.  If  revo- 
lution is  needed  at  all  it  is  to  prevent  man  enslaving  his 
fellow-man. 

But  they  say    God    did  the  best  He  could;  that  the 


SOME  REASONS  WHY.  597 

Jews  were  so  bad  that  He  had  to  come  up  kind  of  slow. 
If  He  had  told  them  suddenly  they  must  not  murder  and 
steal,  they  would  not  have  paid  any  respect  to  the  ten 
commandments.  Suppose  you  go  to  the  Cannibal  Islands 
to  prevent  the  gentlemen  there  from  eating  missionaries, 
and  you  found  they  ate  them  raw.  The  first  move  is  to 
induce  them  to  cook  them.  After  you  get  them  to  eat 
cooKed  missionaries,  you  will  then,  without  their  know- 
ing it,  occasionally  slip  in  a  little  mutton.  We  will  go 
on  gradually  decreasing  missionaries  and  increasing  mut- 
ton until  finally  the  last  will  be  so  cultivated  that  they 
will  prefer  the  sheep  to  the  priest.  Ithink  the  mission- 
aries would  object  to  that  mode,  of  course. 

I  .know  this  was  written  by  the  Jews  themselves.  If 
they  were  to  write  it  now,  it  would  be  different.  To- 
day they  are  a  civilized  people.  I  do  not  wish  it  under- 
stood that  a  word  I  say  to-night  touches  the  slightest 
prejudice  in  any  man's  mind  against  the  Jewish  people. 
They  are  as  good  a  people  as  live  to-day.  I  will  say 
right  here,  they  never  had  any  luck  until  Jehovah  aban- 
doned them. 

Now  we  come  to  the  new  testament.  They  tell  me 
that  is  better  than  the  old.  I  say  it  is  worse.  The 
great  objection  to  the  old  testament  is  that  it  is  cruel; 
but  in  the  old  testament  the  revenge  of  God  stopped  with 
the  portals  of  the  tomb.  He  never  threatened  punish- 
ment after  death.  He  never  threatened  one  thing  be- 
yond the  grave.  It  was  reserved  for  the  new  testament 
to  make  known  the  doctrine  of  eternal  punishment. 

Is  the  new  testament  inspired?  I  have  not  time  to 
give  many  reasons,  but  I  will  give  some.  In  the  first 
place,  they  tell  me  the  very  fact  that  the  witnesses 


598  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

disagree  in  minor  matters  shows  that  they  have  not  con- 
spired to  tell  the  same  story.  Good.  And  I  say  in  every 
lawsuit  where  four  or  five  witnesses  testify,  or  endeavor 
to  testify,  to  the  same  transaction,  it  is  natural  that  they 
should  differ  on  minor  points.  Why?  Because  no  two 
occupy  exactly  the  same  position;  no  two  see  exactly 
alike;  no  two  remember  precisely  the  same,  and  their 
disagreement  is  due  to  and  accounted  for  by  the  imper- 
fection of  human  nature,  and  the  fact  that  they  did  not 
all  have  an  equal  opportunity  to  know.  But  if  you  ad- 
mit or  say  that  the  four  witnesses  were  inspired  by  an 
infinite  being  who  did  see  it  all,  then  they  should  remem- 
ber all  the  same,  because  inspiration  does  not  depend  on 
memory. 

That  brings  me  to  another  point.  Why  were  there 
four  gospels?  What  is  the  use  of  more  than  one  correct 
account  of  anything?  If  you  want  to  spread  it,  send  cop- 
ies. No  human  being  has  got  the  ingenuity  to  tell  me 
why  there  were  four  gospels,  when  one  correct  gospel 
would  have  been  enough.  Why  should  there  have  been 
four  original  multiplication  tables?  One  is  enough,  and 
if  anybody  has  got  any  use  for  it  he  can  copy  that  one. 
The  very  fact  that  we  have  got  four  gospels  shows  that 
it  is  not  an  inspired  book. 

The  next  point  is  that,  according  to  the  new  testament, 
the  salvation  of  the  world  depended  upon  the  atone- 
ment. Only  one  of  the  books  in  the  new  testament  says 
anything  about  that,  and  that  is  John.  The  church  fol- 
lowed John,  and  they  ought  to  follow  John,  because  the 
church  wrote  that  book  called  John.  According  to  that, 
the  whole  world  was  to  be  damned  on  account  of  the  sins 
of  one  man;  and  that  absurdity  was  the  father  and 


SOME  REASONS  WHY-  599 

mother  of  another  absurdity — that  the  whole  world  could 
be  saved  on  account  of  the  virtue  of  another  man.  I  deny 
both  propositions.  No  man  can  sin  forme;  no  man  can 
be  virtuous  for  me;  I  must  reap  what  I  sow.  But  they 
say  the  law  must  be  satisfied.  What  kind  of  a  law  is  it 
that  would  demand  punishment  of  the  innocent?  Just 
think  of  it.  Here  is  a  man  about  to  be  hanged,  and 
another  comes  up  and  says:  "  That  man  has  got  a  fam- 
ily, and  I  have  not;  that  man  is  in  good  health  and  I  am 
not  well,  and  I  will  be  hung  in  his  place."  And  the  gov- 
ernor says:  "All  right;  a  murder  has  been  committed, 
and  we  have  got  to  have  a  hanging — we  don't  care  who." 

Under  the  Mosaic  dispensation  there  was  no  remis- 
sion of  sins  without  the  shedding  of  blood.  If  a  man 
committed  a  murder  he  brought  a  pair  of  doves  or  a 
sheep  to  the  priest,  and  the  priest  laid  his  hands  on  the 
animal,  and  the  sins  of  the  man  were  transferred  to  the 
animal.  You  see  how  that  could  be  done  easy  enough. 
Then  they  killed  the  animal,  and  sprinkled  its  blood  on 
the  altar.  That  let  the  man  off.  And  why  did  God  de- 
mand the  sacrifice  of  a  sheep?  I  will  tell  you;  because 
priests  love  mutton. 

To  make  the  innocent  suffer  is  the  greatest  crime.  I 
don't  wish  to  go  to  heaven  on  the  virtues  of  somebody 
else.  If  I  can't  settle  by  the  books  and  go,  I  don't 
wish  to  go.  I  don't  want  to  feel  as  if  I  was  there  on  suf- 
ferance— that  I  was  in  the  poorhouse  of  the  universe, 
supported  by  the  town. 

They  teil  us  Judas  betrayed  Christ.  Well,  if  Christ 
had  not  been  betrayed,  no  atonement  would  have  been 
made,  and  then  every  human  soul  would  have  been 
damned,  and  heaven  would  have  been  for  rent. 


6oo  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Supposing  that  Judas  knew  the  Christian  system,  then 
perhaps  he  thought  that  by  betraying  Christ  he  could  get 
torgiven,  not.  only  for  the  sins  that  he  had  already  com- 
mitted but  for  the  sin  of  betrayal,  and  if,  on  the  way  to 
Calvary,  and  later,  some  brave,  heroic  soul  had  rescued 
Christ  from  the  mob,  he  would  have  made  his  own 
damnation  sure.  It  won't  do.  There  is  no  logic  in 
that. 

They  say  God  tried  to  civilize  the  Jews.  If  He  had 
succeeded,  according  to  the  Christian  system,  we  all 
would  have  been  damned,  because  if  the  Jews  had  been 
civilized  they  would  not  have  crucified  Christ.  They 
would  have  believed  in  the  freedom  of  speech,  and  as  a 
result  the  world  would  have  been  lost  for  two  thousand 
years.  The  Christian  world  has  been  trying  to  explain 
the  atonement,  and  they  have  always  ended  by  failing  to 
explain  it. 

Now  I  come  to  the  second  objection,  which  Is  that  cer- 
tain belief  is  necessary  to  salvation.  I  will  believe  ac- 
cording to  the  evidence.  In  my  mind  are  certain  scales, 
which  weigh  everything,  and  my  integrity  stands  there 
and  knows  which  side  goes  up  and  which  side  goes  down. 
If  I  am  an  honest  man  I  will  report  the  weights  like  an 
honest  man.  They  say  I  must  believe  a  certain  thing  or 
I  will  be  eternally  damned.  They  tell  me  that  to  believe 
is  the  safer  way.  I  deny  it.  The  safest  thing  you  can 
do  is  to  be  honest.  No  man,  when  the  shadows  of  the 
last  hours  were  gathering  around  him,  ever  wished  that 
he  had  lived  the  life  of  a  hypocrite.  If  I  find  at  the  Day 
of  Judgment  that  I  have  been  mistaken,  I  will  say  so, 
like  a  man.  If  God  tells  me  then  that  he  is  the  anthor 
of  the  old  testament  I  will  admit  that  he  is  worse  than  I 


SOME  REASONS  WHY.  6oi 

thought  He  was,  and  when  He  comes  to  pronounce  sen- 
tence upon  me,  I  will  say  to  Him:  "Do  unto  others 
as  You  would  that  others  should  do  unto  You."  I  have  a 
right  to  think;  I  cannot  control  my  belief;  my  brain  is 
my  castle,  and  if  I  don't  defend  it,  my  soul  becomes  a 
slave  and  a  serf. 

If  you  throw  away  your  reason,  your  soul  is  not  worth 
saving.  Salvation  depends,  not  upon  belief  but  upon 
deed — upon  kindness,  upon  justice,  upon  mercy.  Your 
own  deeds  are  your  savior,  and  you  can  be  saved  in  no 
other  way.  I  am  told  in  this  testament  to  love  my  en- 
emies. I  cannot;  I  will  not.  I  don't  hate  enemies;  I 
don't  wish  to  injure  enemies,  but  I  don't  care  about  see- 
ing them.  I  don't  like  them.  I  love  my  friends,  and 
the  man  who  loves  enemies  and  friends  loves  me.  The 
doctrine  of  non-resistance  is  born  of  weakness.  The 
man  that  first  said  it,  said  it  because  it  was  the  best  he 
could  do  under  the  circumstances.  While  the  church 
said,  "love  your  enemies,"  in  her  sacred  vestments 
gleamed  the  daggers  of  assassination.  With  her  cun- 
ning hand,  she  wore  the  purple  for  hypocrisy,  and  placed 
the  crown  upon  the  brow  of  crime. 

For  more  than  one  thousand  years  larceny  held  the 
scales  of  justice,  and  hypocrisy  wore  the  mitre,  and  the 
tiara  of  Christ  was  in  fact  God.  He  knew  of  the  future. 
He  knew  what  crimes  and  horrors  would  be  committed 
in  His  name.  He  knew  the  fires  of  persecution  would 
climb  around  the  limbs  of  countless  martyrs;  that  brave 
men  and  women  would  languish  in  dungeons  and  dark- 
ness; that  the  church  would  use  instruments  of  torture; 
that  in  His  name  His  followers  would  trade  in  human 
flesh;  that  cradles  would  be  robbed  and  women's  breasts 


602  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

unbabed  for  gold,  and  yet  He  died  with  voiceless  lips. 
If  Christ  was  God,  why  did  He  not  tell  His  disciples, 
and  through  them,  the  world,  ' '  Man  shall  not  persecute 
his  fellow-man? "  Why  didn't  He  say,  "I  am  God?" 
Why  didn't  He  explain  the  doctrine  of  the  Trinity?  why 
didn't  He  tell  what  manner  of  baptism  was  pleasing  to 
Him?  why  didn't  He  say  the  old  testament  is  true?  why 
didn't  He  write  His  testament  himself?  why  did  He  leave 
His  words  to  accident,  to  ignorance,  to  malice,  and  to 
chance?  Why  didn't  He  say  something  positive,  defin- 
ite, satisfactory,  about  .another  world?  Why  did  He 
not  turn  the  tear-stained  hope  of  immortality  to  the  glad 
knowledge  of  another  life?  Why  did  he  go  dumbly  to 
His  death,  leaving  the  world  to  misery  and  to  doubt? 
Because  He  was  a  man. 

Colonel  Ingersoll  read  several  extracts  from  the  bible, 
which  he  said  originated  with  Zoroaster,  Buddha,  Cicero, 
Epictetus,  Pythagoras  and  other  ancient  writers,  and  he 
read  extracts  from  various  pagan  writers,  which  he 
claimed  compared  favorably  with  the  best  things  in  the 
bible.  He  continued: 

No  God  has  a  right  to  create  a  man  who  is  to  be 
eternally  damned.  Infinite  wisdom  has  no  right  to  make 
a  failure,  and  a  man  who  is  to  be  eternally  damned  is  not 
a  conspicuous  success.  Infinite  wisdom  has  no  right  to 
make  an  instrument  that  will  not  finally  pay  a  dividend. 
No  God  has  a  right  to  add  to  the  agony  of  this  universe, 
and  yet  around  the  angels  of  immortality  Christianity 
has  coiled  this  serpent  of  eternal  pain.  Upon  love's 
breast  the  church  has  placed  that  asp,  and  yet  people 
talk  to  me  about  the  consolations  of  religion. 

A  few  days  ago  the  bark  Tiger  was  found   upon  the 


SOME    REASONS    WHY.  603 

wide  sea  126  days  from  Liverpool.  For  nine  days  not  a 
mouthful  of  food  or  a  drop  of  water  was  to  be  had. 
There  was  on  board  the  captain,  mate,  and  eleven  men. 
When  they  had  been  out  117  days  they  killed  the 
captain's  dog.  Nine  days  more — no  food,  no  water,  and 
Captain  Kruger  stood  upon  the  deck  in  the  presence  of 
his  starving  crew,  with  a  revolver  in  his  hand,  put  it  upon 
his  temple,  and  said,  "  Boys,  this  can't  last  much  longer; 
I  am  willing  to  die  to  save  the  rest  of  you."  The  mate 
grasped  the  revolver  from  his  hand,  and  said,  "Wait;'1 
and  the  next  day  upon  the  horizon  of  despair  was  the 
smoke  of  the  ship  which  rescued  them.  Do  you  tell  me 
to-night  if  Captain  Kruger  was  not  a  Christian  and  he 
had  sent  that  ball  crashing  through  his  generous  brain 
that  there  was  an  Almighty  waiting  to  clutch  his  naked 
soul  that  He  might  damn  him  forever?  It  won't  do. 

Ah,  but  they  tell  me  "You  have  no  right  to  pick  the 
bad  things  out  of  the  bible."  I  say,  an  infinite  God  has 
no  right  to  put  bad  things  into  His  bible.  Does  any- 
body believe  if  God  was  going  to  write  a  book  now  He 
would  uphold  slavery;  that  He  would  favor  polygamy; 
that  He  would  'say  kill  the  heathen,  stab  the  women, 
dash  out  the  brains  of  the  children?  We  have  civilized 
him.  We  make  our  own  God,  and  we  make  Him  better 
day  by  day. 

Some  honest  people  really  believe  that  in  some  wonder- 
ful way  we  are  indebted  to  Moses  for  geology,  to  Joshua 
for  astronomy  and  military  tactics,  to  Samson  for 
weapons  of  war,  to  Daniel  for  holy  curses,  to  Solomon 
for  the  art  of  cross-examination,  to  Jonah  for  the  science 
of  navigation,  to  Saint  Paul  for  steamships  and  locomo- 
tives, to  the  four  Gospels  for  telegraphs  and  sewing-ma.- 


604  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

chines,  to  the  Apocalypse;  for  looms,  saw-mills,  and 
telephones;  and  that  to  the  sermon  on  the  mount  we  are 
indebted  for  mortars  and  Krupp  guns.  We  are  told  that 
no  nation  has  ever  been  civilized  without  a  bible.  The 
Jews  had  one,  and  yet  they  crucified  a  perfectly  innocent 
man.  They  couldn't  have  done  much  worse  without  a 
bible. 

God  must  have  known  6,000  years  ago  that  it  was  im- 
possible to  civilize  people  without  a  bible  just  as  well  as 
they  know  it  now.  Why  did  He  ever  allow  a  nation  to 
be  without  a  bible?  Why  didn't  He  give  a  few  leaves  to 
Adam  and  Eve  in  the  Garden  of  Eden?  Take  from  the 
bible  the  miracles,  and  I  admit  that  the  good  passages 
are  true.  If  they  are  true  they  don't  need  to  be  inspired. 
Miracles  are  the  children  of  mendacity.  Nothing  can  be 
more  wonderful  than  the  majestic,  sublime,  and  eternal 
march  of  cause  and  effect.  Reason  must  be  the  final 
arbiter.  An  inspired  book  cannot  stand  against  a  demon- 
strated fact.  Is  a  man  to  be  rewarded  eternally  for  be- 
lieving without  evidence  or  against  evidence?  Do  you 
tell  me  that  the  less  brain  a  man  has  the  better  chance 
he  has  for  heaven?  Think  of  a  heaven  filled  with  men 
who  never  thought.  Better  that  all  that  is  should  cease 
to  be;  better  that  God  had  never  been;  better  that  all  the 
springs  and  seeds  of  things  should  fall  and  wither  in 
great  nature's  realm;  better  that  causes  and  effects  should 
lose  relation;  better  that  every  life  should  change  to 
breathless  death  and  voiceless  blank,  and  every  star  to 
blind  oblivion  and  moveless  naught,  than  that  this 
religion  should  be  true. 

The  religion  of  the  future  is  humanity.  The  religion 
of  the  future  will  say  to  every  man,  "You  have  the 


SOME    REASONS    WHY. 


605 


right  to  thinK  and  investigate  for  yourself."  Liberty  is 
my  religion — everything  that  is  true,  every  good  thought, 
every  beautiful  thing,  every  self-denying  action — all  these 
make  my  bible.  Every  bubble,  every  star,  are  passages 
in  my  bible.  A  constellation  is  a  chapter.  Every  shin- 
ing world  is  a  part  of  it.  You  cannot  interpolate  it;  you 
cannot  change  it.  It  is  the  same  forever.  My  bible  is 
all  tha|  speaks  to  man.  Every  violet,  every  blade  of 
grass,  every  tree,  every  mountain  crowned  with  snow, 
every  star  that  shines,  every  throb  of  love,  every  honest 
act,  all  that  is  good  and  true  combined,  make  my  bible; 
and  upon  that  book  I  stand. 


INGERSOLL'S    LECTURE 

— ON— 

INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT. 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN:  In  the  first  place  I  want  to 
admit  that  there  are  a  great  many  good  people,  quite 
pious  people,  who  don't  agree  with  me,  and  all  that 
proves  in  the  world,  is,  that  I  don't  agree  with  them.  I 
am  not  endeavoring  to  force  my  ideas  or  notions  upon 
other  people,  but  I  am  saying  what  little  I  can  to  induce 
everybody  in  the  world  to  grant  to  every  other  person 
every  right  .he  claims  for  himself.  I  claim,  standing 
under  the  flag  of  nature,  under  the  blue  and  the  stars, 
that  I  am, the  peer  of  any  other  man,  and  have  the  right 
to  think  and  express  my  thoughts.  I  claim  that  in  the 
presence  of"  the  unknown,  and  upon  a  subject  that  no- 
body knows  anything  about,  and  never  did,  I  have  as 
good  a  right  to  guess  as  anybody  else.  The  gentlemen 
who  hold  views  against  mine,  if  they  had  any  evidence, 
would  have  no  fears — not  the  slightest. 

If  a  man  has  a  diamond  that  has  been  examined  by  the 

606 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          6o/ 

lapidaries  of  the  world,  and  some  ignorant  stonecutter 
tells  him  that  it  is  nothing  but  an  ordinary  rock,  he 
laughs  at  him;  but  if  it  has  not  been  examined  by 
lapidaries,  and  he  is  a  little  suspicious  himself  that  it  is 
not  genuine,  it  makes  him  rnad.  Any  doctrine  that  will 
not  bear  investigation  is  not  a  fit  tenant  for  the  mind  of 
an  honest  man.  Any  man  who  is  afraid  to  have  his 
doctrine  investigated  is  not  only  a  coward  but  a  hypocrite. 

Now,  all  I  ask  is  simply  an  opportunity  to  say  my  say. 
I  will  give  that  right  to  everybody  else  in  the  world.  I 
understand  that  owing  to  my  success  in  the  lecture  field 
several  clergymen  have  taken  it  into  their  heads  to  lecture 
— some  of  them,  I  believe,  this  evening.  I  say  all  that 
I  claim  is  the  right  I  give  to  others,  and  any  man  who 
will  not  give  that  right  is  a  dishonest  man,  no  matter 
what  church  he  may  belong  to  or  not  belong  to — if  he 
does  not  freely  accord  to  all  others  the  right  to  think,  he 
is  not  an  honest  man.  I  said  some  time  ago  that  if 
there  was  any  being  who  would  eternally  damn  one  of  his 
children  for  the  expression  of  an  honest  opinion  that  he 
was  not  a  God,  but  that  he  was  a  demon;  and  from  that 
they  have  said  first,  that  I  did  not  believe  in  any  God, 
and,  secondly,  that  I  called  Him  a  demon.  If  I  did  not 
believe  in  Him  how  could  I  call  Him  anything?  These 
things  hardly  hang  together.  But  that  makes  no  differ- 
ence; I  expect  to  be  maligned;  I  expect  to  be  slandered; 
I  expect  to  have  my  reputation  blackened  by  gentlemen 
who  are  not  fit  to  blacken  my  shoes. 

But  letting  that  pass — I  simply  believe  in  liberty;  that 
is  my  religion;  that  is  the  altar  where  I  worship;  that  is 
my  shrine — that  every  human  being  shall  have  every 
right  that  I  have — that  is  rny  religion.  I  am  going  to 


608  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

live  up  to  it  and  going  to  say  what  little  I  can  to  make 
the  American  people  brave  enough  and  generous  enough 
and  kind  enough  to  give  everybody  else  the  rights  they 
have  themselves.  Can  there  ever  be  any  progress  in  this 
world  to  amount  to  anything  until  we  have  liberty?  The 
thoughts  of  a  man  who  is  not  free  are  not  worth  much — 
not  much.  A  man  who  thinks  with  the  club  of  a  creed 
above  his  head — a  man  who  thinks  casting  his  eye 
askance  at  the  flames  of  hell,  is  not  apt  to  have  very 
good  thoughts.  And  for  my  part,  I  would  not  care  to 
have  any  status  or  social  position  even  in  heaven  if  I 
had  to  admit  that  I  never  would  have  been  there  only  I 
got  scared.  When  we  are  frightened  we  do  not  think 
very  well.  If  you  want  to  get  at  the  honest  thoughts 
of  a  man  he  must  be  free.  If  he  is  not  free  you  will  not 
get  his  honest  thought.  You  won't  trade  with  a  mer- 
chant, if  he  is  free;  you  won't  employ  him  if  he  is  a  law- 
yer, if  he  is  free;  you  won't  call  him  if  he  is  a  doctor, 
if  he  is  free;  and  what  are  you  going  to  get  out  of  him  but 
hypocrisy.  Force  will  not  make  thinkers,  but  hypocrites. 
A  minister  told  me  awhile  ago,  "  Ingersoll,"  he 
says,  "if  you  do  not  believe  the  bible  you  ought 
not  to  say  so."  Says  I,  "Do  you  believe  the  bible? " 
He  says,  "I  do."  I  says,  "  I  don't  know  whether  you 
do  or  not;  may  be  you  are  following  the  advice  you  gave 
me;  how  shall  I  know  whether  you  believe  it  or  not? " 
Now,  I  shall  die  without  knowing  whether  that  man  be- 
lieved the  bible  or  not.  There  is  no  way  that  I  can 
possibly  find  out.  because  he  said  that  even  if  he  did  not 
believe  it  he  would  not  say  so.  Now,  I  read,  for  instance, 
a  book.  Now,  let  us  be  honest.  Suppose  that  a  clergy- 
man and  I  were  on  an  island — nobody  but  us  two — and  I 
were  to  read  a  book,  and  I  honestly  believed  it  untrue, 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          609 

and  he  asked  me  about  it — what  ought  I  to  say?  Ought 
I  to  say  I  believed  it,  and  be  lying,  or  ought  I  to  say  I 
did  not? — that  is  the  question;  and  the  church  can  take 
its  choice  between  honest  men,  who  differ,  and  hypocrites, 
who  differ,  but  say  they  do  not — you  can  have  your 
choice,  all  of  you.  * 

If  you  give  to  us  liberty,  you  will  have  in  this  country 
a  splendid  diversity  of  individuality;  but  if  on  the  con- 
trary you  say  men  shall  think  so  and  so,  you  will  have 
the  sameness  of  stupid  nonsense.  In  my  judgment,  it  is 
the  duty  of  every  man  to  think  and  express  his  thoughts; 
but  at  the  same  time  do  not  make  martyrs  of  yourselves. 

Those  people  that  are  not  willing  you  should  be  honest, 
are  not  worth  dying  for;  they  are  not  worth  being  a  mar- 
tyr for;  and  if  you  are  afraid  you  cannot  support  your 
wife  and  children  in  this  town  and  express  your  honest 
thought,  why  keep  it  to  vourself,  but  if  there  is  such  a 
man  here  he  is  a  living  certificate  of  the  meanness  of  the 
community  in  which  he  lives.  Go  right  along,  if  you  are 
afraid  it  will  take  food  from  the  mouths  of  your  dear 
babes- — if  you  are  afraid  you  cannot  clothe  your  wife  and 
children,  go  along  with  them  to  church,  say  amen  in  as 
near  the  right  place  as  you  can,  if  you  happen  to  be 
awake,  and  I  will  do  your  talking  for  you. 

I  will  say  my  say,  and  the  time  will  come  when  every 
man  in  the  country  will  be  astonished  that  there  ever  was 
a  time  that  everybody  had  not  the  right  to  speak  his 
honest  thoughts.  If  there  is  a  man  here  or  in  this  town, 

*  ' '  These  black-coats  are  the  only  persons  of  my  acquaintance  who  re- 
semble the  chameleon,  in  being  able  to  keep  one  eye  directed  upwards  to 
heaven,  and  the  other  downwards  to  the  good  things  of  this  world." — 
Alex,  von  Humboldt. 


6io  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

preacher  or  otherwise,  who  is  not  willing  that  I  should 
think  and  speak,  he  is  just  so  much  nearer  a  barbarian 
than  I  am.  Civilization  is  liberty,  slavery  is  barbarism; 
civilization  is  intelligence,'  slavery  is  ignorance;  and  if  we 
are  any  nearer  free  than  were  our  fathers,  it  is  because 
we  have  got  better  heads  and  more  brains  in  them — that 
is  the  reason.  Every  man  who  has  invented  anything 
for  the  use  and  convenience  of  man  has  helped  raise  his 
fellow-man,  and  all  we  have  found  out  of  the  laws  and 
forces  of  nature  so  that  we  are  finally  enabled  to  bring 
these  forces  of  nature  into  subjection,  to  give  us  better 
houses,  better  food,  better  clothes — these  are  the  real 
civilizers  of  our  race;  and  the  men  who  stand  up  as 
prophets  and  predict  hell  to  their  fellow-man,  they  are 
not  the  civilizers  of  our  race;  the  men  who  cut  each 
other's  throats  because  they  fell  out  about  baptism — they 
are  riot  the  civilizers  of  my  race;  the  men  who  built  the 
inquisitions  and  put  into  dungeons  all  the  grand  and 
honest  men  they  could  find — they  are  not  the  civilizers  of 
my  race. 

The  men  who  have  corrupted  the  imaginations  and 
hearts  of  men  by  their  infamous  dogma  of  hell — they  are 
not  the  civilizers  of  my  race.  The  men  who  have  been 
predicting  good  for  mankind,  the  men  who  have  found 
some  way  to  get  us  better  homes  and  better  houses  and 
better  education,  the  men  who  have  allowed  us  to  make 
slaves  of  the  blind  forces  of  nature — they  have  made  this 
world  fit  to  live  in. 

I  want  to  prove  to  you  if  I  can  that  this  is  all  a  ques- 
tion of  intellectual  development,  a  question  of  sense,  and 
the  more  a -man  knows  the  more  liberal  he  is;  the  less  a 
man  knows  the  more  bigoted  he  is.  The  less  a  man 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          6 1  I 

knows  the  more  certain  he  is  that  he  knows  it,  and  the 
more  a  man  knows  the  better  satisfied  he  is  that  he  is 
entirely  ignorant.  Great  knowledge  is  philosophic,  and 
little,  narrow,  contemptible  knowledge  is  bigoted  and 
hateful.  I  want  to  prove  it  to  you .  I  saw  a  little  while 
ago  models  of  nearly  everything  man  has  made  for  his 
use — nearly  everything.  I  saw  models  of  all  the  water- 
craft;  from  the  rude  dug-out,  in  which  paddled  the  naked 
savage,  with  his  forehead  about  half  as  high  as  his  teeth 
were  long — all  the  water  craft  from  that  dug-out  up  to  a 
man  of  war  that  carries  a  hundred  guns  and  miles  of  can- 
vas; from  that  rude  dug-out  to  a  steamship  that  turns  its 
brave  prow  from  the  port  of  New  York,  with  three  thou- 
sand miles  of  foaming  billows  before  it,  not  missing  a 
throb  or  beat  of  its  mighty  iron  heart  from  one  shore  to 
the  other.  I  saw  their  ideas  of  weapons,  from  the  rude 
club,  such  as  was  siezed  by  that  same  barbarian  as  he 
emerged  from  his  den  in  the  morning,  hunting  a  snake 
for  his  dinner;  from  that  club  to  the  boomerang,  to  the 
dagger,  to  the  sword,  to  the  blunderbuss,  to  the  old  flint- 
lock, to  the  cap-lock,  to  the  needle-gun,  to  the  cannon 
invented  by  Krupp,  capable  of  hurling  a  ball  weighing 
two  thousand  pounds  through  eighteen  inches  of  solid 
steel. 

I  saw  their  ideas  of  defensive  armor,  from  the  turtle- 
shell  which  one  of  these  gentlemen  lashed  upon  his  breast 
preparatory  to  going  to  war,  or  the  skin  of  a  porcupine, 
dried  with  the*  quills  on,  that  he  pulled  on  his  orthodox 
head  before  he  sallied  forth.  By  ' '  orthodox  "  I  mean  a 
man  who  has  quit  growing;  not  simply  in  religion,  but  in 
everything;  whenever  a  man  is  done,  he  is  orthodox; 
whenever  he  thinks  he  has  found  out  all,  he  is  orthodox; 


612  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

whenever  he  becomes  a  drag  on  the  swift  car  of  progress, 
he  is  orthodox.  I  saw  their  defensive  armor,  from  the 
turtle-shell  and  the  porcupine  skin  to  the  shirts  of  mail  of 
the  middle  ages,  that  defied  the  edge  of  the  sword  and 
the  point  of  the  spear.  I  saw  their  ideas  of  agricultural 
implements,  from  the  crooked  stick  that  was  attached  to 
the  horn  of  an  ox  by  some  twisted  straw,  to  the  agricult- 
ural implements  of  to-day,  that  make  it  possible  for  a 
man  to  cultivate  the  soil  without  being  an  ignoramus. 
When  they  had  none  of  these  agricultural  implements — 
when  they  depended  upon  one  crop — they  were  super- 
stitious, for  if  the  frosts  struck  one  crop  they«  thought 
the  gods  were  angry  with  them. 

Now,  with  the  implements,  machinery  and  knowledge 
of  mechanics  of  to-day,  people  have  found  out  that  no 
man  can  be  good  enough  nor  bad  enough  to  cause  a  frost. 
After  having  found  out  these  things  are  contrary  to  the 
laws  of  nature,  they  began  to  raise  more  than  one  kind 
of  crop.  If  the  frost  strikes  one  they  have  the  other;  if 
it  happins  to  strike  all  in  that  locality  there  is  a  surplus 
somewhere  else,  and  that  surplus  is  distributed  by  rail- 
ways and  steamers  and  by  the  thousand  ways  that  we 
have  to  distribute  these  things;  and  as  a  consequence  the 
agriculturist  begins  to  think  and  reason,  and  now  for  the 
first  time  in  the  history  of  the  world  the  agriculturist 
begins  to  stand  upon  a  level  with  the  mechanic  and  with 
the  man  who  has  confidence  in  the  la^vs  and  facts  of 
nature. 

I  saw  there  their  musical  instruments,  from  the  tom- 
tom (that  .is  a  hoop  with  two  strings  of  rawhide  drawn 
across  it)  to  the  instruments  we  have  that  make  the  com- 
mon air  blossom  with  melody.  I  saw  their  ideas  or  orna- 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          613 

ments,  from  a  string  of  the  claws  of  a  wild  beast  that 
once  ornamented  the  dusky  bosom  of  some  savage  belle, 
to  the  rubies  and  sapphires  and  diamonds  with  which 
civilization  to-day  is  familiar.  I  saw  the  books,  written 
upon  the  shoulder-blades  of  sheep,  upon  the  bark  of  trees, 
down  to  the  illustrated  volumes  that  are  now  in  the 
libraries  of  the  world.  I  saw  their  ideas  of  paintings, 
from  the  rude  daubs  of  yellow  mud,  to  the  grand  pictures 
we  see  in  the  art  galleries  of  to-day.  I  saw  their  ideas 
of  sculpture,  from  a  monster  god  with  several  legs,  a 
good  many  noses,  a  great  many  eyes,  and  one  little,  con- 
temptible, brainless  head,  to  the  sculpture  that  we  have, 
where  the  marble  is  clothed  with  such  personality  that  it 
seems  almost  impudence  to  touch  it  without  an  introduce 
tion.  I  saw  all  these  things,  and  how  men  had  gradually 
improved  through  the  generations  that  are  dead.  And 
I  saw  at  the  same  time  a  row  of  men's  skulls — skulls 
from  the  Bushmen  of  Australia,  skulls  from  the  center  of 
Africa,  skulls  from  the  farthest  islands  of  the  Pacific, 
skulls  from  this  country — from  the  aborigines  of  America, 
skulls  of  the  Aztecs,  up  to  the  best  skulls,  or  many  of 
the  best  of  the  last  generation;  and  I  noticed  there  was 
the  same  difference  between  the  skulls  as  between  the 
products  of  the  skulls,  the  same  between  that  skull  and 
that,  as  between  the  dugout  and  the  man-of-war,  as  be- 
tween the  dugout  and  the  steamship,  as  between  the 
tom-tom  and  an  opera  of  Verdi,  as  between  those  ancient 
agricultural  implements  and  ours,  as  between  that  yellow 
daub  and  that  landscape,  as  between  that  stone  god  and 
a  statue  of  to-day;  and  ]>  said  to  my  self,  "  This  is  a 
question  of  intellectual  development;  this  is  a  question  of 
brain. "  The  man  has  advanced  just  in  proportion  as  he 


614  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

has  mingled  his  thoughts  with  his  labor,  and  just  in  pro- 
portion that  his  brain  has  gotten  into  partnership  with 
his  hand.  Man  has  advanced  just  as  he  has  developed 
intellectually,  and  no  other  way.  That  skull  was  a  low 
den  in  which  crawled  and  groped  the  meaner  and  baser 
instincts  of  mankind,  and  this  was  a  temple  in  which 
dwelt  love,  liberty  ar*i  joy. 

Why  is  it  that  we  have  advanced  in  the  arts?  It  is 
because  every  incentive  has  been  held  out  to  the  world; 
because  we  want  better  clubs  or  better  cannons  with 
which  to  kill  our  fellow  Christians;  we  want  better  music, 
we  want  better  houses,  and  any  man  who  will  invent 
them,  and  any  man  who  will  give  them  to  us  we  will 
clothe  him  in  gold  and  glory;  we  will  crown  him  with 
honor,.  That  gentleman  in  his  dugout  not  only  had  his 
ideas  of  mechanics,  but  he  was  a  politician.  His  idea  of 
politics  was,  "Might  makes  right;"  and  it  will  take 
thousands  of  years  before  the  world  will  be  willing  to  say 
that,  "Right  makes  might."  That  was  his  idea  of 
politics,  and  he  had  another  idea — that  all  power  came 
from  the  clouds,  and  that  every  armed  thief  that  lived 
upon  the  honest  labor  of  mankind  had  had  poured  out 
upon  his  head  the  divine  oil  of  authority.  He  didn't 
believe  the  power  to  govern  came  from  the  people;  he 
did  not  believe  that  the  great  mass  of  people  had  any 
right  whatever,  or  that  the  great  mass  of  people  could  be 
allowed  the  liberty  of  thought — and  we  have  thousands 
of  such  to-day. 

They  say  thought  is  dangerous — don't  investigate;  * 

*  "There  is  no  method  of  reasoning  more  common,  or  more  blamable, 
than  in  philosophical  disputes,  to  endeavor  the  refutation  of  any  hypo- 
thesis, by  a  pretense  of  its  dangerous  consequences  to  religion  and  moral- 
ity— DAVID  HUME. 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.  615 

don't  inquire;  just  believe;  shut  your  eyes,  and  then  you 
are  safe.  You  must  not  hear  this  man  or  that  man  or 
some  other  man,  or  our  dear  doctrines  will  be  overturned, 
and  we  have  nobody  on  our  side  except  a  large  majority; 
we  have  nobody  on  our  side  except  the  wealth  and  re- 
spectability of  the  world;  we  have  nobody  on  our  side 
except  the  infinite  God,  and  we  are  afraid  that  one  man, 
in  one  or  two  hours,  will  beat  the  whole  party. 

This  man  in  the  dugout  also  had  his  ideas  of  religion 
— that  fellow  was  orthodox,  and  any  man  who  differed 
with  him  he  called  an  infidel,  an  atheist,  an  outcast,  and 
warned  everybody  against  him.  He  had  his  religion — he 
believed  in  hell;  he  was  glad  of  it;  he  enjoyed  it;  it  was 
a  great  source  of  comfort  to  him  to  think  when  he  didn't 
like  people  that  he  would  have  the  pleasure  of  looking 
over  and  seeing  them  squirm  upon  the  gridiron.  When 
any  man  said  he  didn't  believe  there  was  a  hell  this 
gentleman  got  up  in  his  pulpit  and  called  him  a  hyena. 
That  fellow  believed  in  a  devil  too;  that  lowest  skull  was 
a  devil  factory — he  believed  in  him.  He  believed  he  had 
a  long  tail  adorned  with  a  fiery  dart;  he  believed  he  had 
wings  like  a  bat,  and  had  a  pleasant  habit  of  breathing 
sulphur;  and  he  believed  he  had  a  cloven  foot — such  as 
most  of  your  clergymen  think  I  am  blessed  with  myself. 
They  are  shepherds  of  the  sheep.  The  people  are  the 
sheep — that  is  all  they  are,  they  have  to  be  watched  and 
guarded  by  these  shepherds  and  protected  from  the  wolf 
who  wants  to  reason  with  them.  That  is  the  doctrine. 

Now,  all  I  claim  is  the  same  right  to  improve  on  that 
gentleman's  politics,  as  on  the  dug-out,  and  the  same 
right  to  improve  upon  his  religion  as  upon  his  plough,  or 
the  musical  instrument  known  as  the  tomtom — that  is  all. 


616  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Now,  suppose  the  king  and  priest,  if  there  was  one,  and 
and  there  probably  was  one,  as  the  farther  you  go  back 
the  more  ignorant  you  find  mankind  and  the  thicker  you 
find   these  gentlemen — suppose  the  king  and  priest  had 
said:    "  That  boat  is  the  best  boat  that  ever  can  be  built; 
we  got  the  model  of  that  from  Neptune,  the  god  of  the 
seas,  and  I  guess  the  god  of  the  water  knows  how  to 
build  a  boat,  and  any  man  that  says  he  can  improve  it  by 
putting  a  stick  in  the  middle  with  a  rag  on  the  end  of  it, 
and  has  any  talk  about  the  wind  blowing  this  way,  and 
that,  he  is-a  heretic — he  is  a  blasphemer."  Honor  bright, 
what,  in  your  judgment,  would  have  been  the  effect  upon 
the   circumnavigation  of  the  globe?     I   think  we  would 
have  been  on  the  other  side  yet.      Suppose  the  king  and 
priests  had  said:      "  That  plow  is  the  best  that  ever  can 
be   invented;   the  model   of  that   was   given   to  a  pious 
farmer  in  a  holy  dream,  and  that  twisted  straw  is  the  ne 
plus  ultra  of   all  twisted  things,  and  any  man  who  says 
he   can  out-twist   it,  we  will   twist  him."     Suppose  the 
king  and  priests  had  said:      "That  tomtom  is  the  finest 
instrument  of  music  in   the  world — that  is  the  kind  of 
music  found  in  heaven.      An  angel  sat  upon  the  edge  of 
a  glorified  cloud  playing  upon  that  tomtom   and  became 
so  entranced  with  the  music  that  in  a  kind  of  ecstasy  she 
dropped  it  and  that  is  how  we  got  it,  and  any  man  who 
talks  about  putting  any  improvement  on  that,  he  is  not 
fit  to  live."     Let  me  ask  you — do  you  believe  if  that  had 
been   done  that  the  human   ears  ever  would  have  been 
enriched  with  the  divine  symphonies  of  Beethoven? 

All  I  claim  is  the  same  right  to  improve  upon  this  bar- 
barian's ideas  of  politics  and  religion  as  upon  everything 
else,  and  whether  it  is  an  improvement  or  not,  I  have  a 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT. 

right  to  suggest  it — that  is  my  doctrine.  They  say  to 
me,  "God  will  punish  you  forever,  if  you  do  these 
things."  Very  well.  I  will  settle  with  Him.  I  had 
rather  settle  with  Him  than  any  one  of  His  agents.  I  dc 
not  like  them  very  well.  In  theology  I  am  a  granger — 1 
do  not  believe  in  middle-men,  what  little  business  I  have 
with  heaven  I  will  attend  to  myself.  Our  fathers  thought, 
just  as  many  now  think,  that  you  could  force  men  to 
think  your  way  and  if  they  failed  to  do  it  by  reason,  they 
tried  it  another  way.  I  used  to  read  about  it  when  I  was 
a  boy — it  did  not  seem  to  me  that  these  things  were  true; 
it  did  not  seem  to  me  that  there  ever  was  such  heartless 
bigotry  in  the  heart  of  man-  but  there  was  and  is  to-night. 
I  used  to  read  about  it — I  did  not  appreciate  it.  I  never 
appreciated  it  until  I  saw  the  arguments  of  those  gentle- 
men. They  used  to  use  just  such  arguments  as  that  man 
in  the  dug-out  would  have  used  to  the  next  man  ahead  of 
him.  This  low,  miserable  skull — this  next  man  was  a 
little  higher,  and  this  fellow  behind  called  him  a  heretic, 
and  the  next  was  still  a  little  higher,  and  he  was  called 
an  infidel. 

And,  so  it  went  on  through  the  whole  row — always 
calling  the  man  who  was  ahead  an  infidel  and  a  heretic. 
No  man  was  ever  called  so  who  was  behind  the  army  of 
progress.  It  has  always  been  the  man  ahead  that  has 
been  called  the  heretic.  Heresy  is  the  last  and  best 
thought  always.  Heresy  extends  the  hospitality  of  the 
brain  to  a  new  idea;  that  is  what  the  rotting  says  to  the 
growing;  that  is  what  the  dweller  in  the  swamp  says  to 
the  man  on  the  sun-lit  hill;  that  is  what  the  man  in  the 
darkness  cries  out  to  the  grand  man  upon  whose  forehead 
is  shining  the  dawn  of  a  grander  day;  that  is  what  the 


618  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

coffin  says  to  the  cradle.  Orthodoxy  is  a  kind  of  shroud, 
and  heresy  is  a  banner — orthodoxy  is  a  frog  and  heresy  a 
star  shining  forever  above  the  cradle  of  truth.  I  do  not 
mean  simply  in  religion,  I  mean  in  everything,  and  the 
idea  I  wish  to  impress  upon  you  is  that  you  should  keep 
your  minds  open  to  all  the  influences  of  nature;  you 
should  keep  your  minds  open  to  reason.  Hear  what  a 
man  has  to  say,  and  do  not  let  the  turtle-shell  of  bigotry 
grow  above  your  brain.  Give  everybody  a  chance  and 
an  opportunity;  that  is  all. 

I  saw  the  arguments  that  those  gentlemen  have  used 
on  each  other  through  all  the  ages.  I  saw  a  little  bit  of 
a  thumbscrew  not  more  than  so  long  (illustrating),  and 
attached  to  each  end  was  a  screw,  and  the  inner  surface 
was  trimmed  with  little  protuberances  to  prevent  their 
slipping;  and  when  some  man  doubted — when  a  man  had 
an  idea — then  those  that  did  not  have  an  idea  put  the 
thumbscrew  upon  him  who  did.  He  had  doubted  some- 
thing. For  instance,  they  told  him,  "  Christ  says  you 
must  love  your  enemies;"  he  says,  "I  do  not  know 
about  that;"  then  they  said,  "We  will  show  you!" 
"  Do  unto  others  as  you  would  be  done  by,"  they  said  is 
the  doctrine.  He  doubted.  "We  will  show  you  that  it 
is!"  So  they  put  this  screw  on;  and  in  the  name  of  uni- 
versal love  and  universal  forgiveness — "  pray  for  those 
who  despitefully  use  you  " — they  began  screwing  these 
pieces  of  iron  into  him — always  done  in  the  name  of 
religion — always.  It  never  was  done  in  the  name  of 
reason,  never  was  done  in  the  name  of  science — never. 
No  man  was  ever  persecuted  in  defense  of  a  truth— 
never.  No  man  was  ever  persecuted  except  in  defense 
of  a  lie — never. 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  6lQ 

This  man  had  fallen  out  with  them  about  something; 
he  did  not  understand  it  as  they  did.  For  instance  he 
said,  "I  do  not  believe  there  ever  was  a  man  whose 
strength  was  in  his  hair."  They  said:  "You  don't? 
We'll  show  you!  "  "  I  do  not  believe,"  he  says,  "  that 
a  fish  ever  swallowed  a  man  to  save  his  life."  "You 
don't?  Well,  we'll  show  you!  "  And  so  they  put  this  on, 
and  generally  the  man  would  recant  and  say,  ' '  Well,  I'll 
take  it  back."  Well  I  think  I  should.  Such  men  are 
not  worth  dying  for.  The  idea  of  dying  for  a  man  that 
would  tear  the  flesh  of  another  on  account  of  an  honest 
difference  of  opinion — such  a  man  is  not  worth  dying  for; 
he  is  not  worth  living  for,  and  if  I  was  in  a  position  that 
I  could  not  send  a  bullet  through  his  brain,  I  would 
recant.  I  would  say:  "You  write  it  down  and  I  will 
sign  it — I  will  admit  that  there  is  one  God,  or  a  million 
— suit  yourself;  one  hell  or  a  billion;  you  just  write  it — 
only  stop  this  screw.  You  are  not  worth  suffering  for, 
you  are  not  worth  dying  for  and  I  am  never  going  to  take 
the  part  of  any  Lord  that  won't  take  my  part — you 
just  write  it  down  and  I'll  sign  it." 

But  there  was  now  and  then  a  man  who  would  not  do 
that.  He  said,  "No,  I  believe  I  am  right,  and  I  will  die 
for  it,"  and  I  suppose  we  owe  what  little  progress  we 
have  made  to  a  few  men  in  all  ages  of  the  world  who 
really  stood  by  their  convictions.  The  men  who  stood 
by  the  truth  and  the  men  who  stood  by  a  fact,  they  are 
the  men  that  have  helped  raise  this  world,  and  in  every 
age  there  has  been  some  sublime  and  tender  soul  who  was 
true  to  his  convictions,  and  who  really  lived  to  make  men 
better.  In  every  age  some  men  carried  the  torch  of 
progress  and  handed  it  to  some  other,  and  it  has  been 


620  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

carried  through  all  the  dark  ages  of  barbarism,  and  had 
it  not  been  for  such  men  we  would  have  been  naked  and 
uncivilized  to-night,  with  pictures  of  wild  beasts  tattooed 
on  our  skins,  dancing  around  some  dried  snake  fetish. 

When  a  man  would  not  recant,  these  men,  in  the 
name  of  the  love  of  the  Lord,  screwed  them  down  to  the 
last  thread  of  agony  and  threw  them  into  some  dungeon, 
where,  in  the  throbbing  silence  of  darkness,  they  suffered 
the  pangs  of  the  fabled  damned;  and  this  was  done  in 
the  name  of  civilization,  love  and  order,  and  in  the 
name  of  the  most  merciful  Christ. 

There  are  no  thumbscrews  now;  they  are  rusting  away; 
but  every  man  in  this  town  who  is  not  willing  that 
another  shall  do  his  own  thinking  and  will  try  to  prevent 
it,  has  in  him  the  same  hellish  spirit  that  made  and  used 
that  very  instrument  of  torture,  and  the  only  reason  he 
does  not  use  it  to-day  is  because  he  cannot.  The  reason 
that  I  speak  here  to-night  is  because  they  cannot  help  it. 

I  saw  at  the  same  time  a  beautiful  little  instrument  for 
the  propagation  of  kindness,  called  "The  Scavenger's 
Daughter."  (The  lecturer  here  described  and  illustrated 
construction  of  the  instrument.)  The  victim  would  be 
thrown  upon  that  instrument  and  the  strain  upon  the 
muscles  was  such  that  insanity  would  sometimes  come  to 
his  relief.  See  what  we  owe  to  the  civilizing  influence  of 
the  gentlemen  who  have  made  a  certain  idea  in  meta- 
physics necessary  to  salvation — see  what  we  owe  to  them. 

[  saw  a  collar  of  torture  which  they  put  about  the 
neck  of  their  victim,  and  inside  of  that  there  were  a 
hundred  points,  so  that  the  victim  could  not  stir  without 
the  skin  being  punctured  with  these  points,  and  after  a 
little  while  the  throat  would  swell  and  suffocation  would 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  621 

end  the  agony,  and  they  would  have  that  done  in  the 
presence  of  his  wife  and  weeping  children.  That  was  all 
done  so  that  finally  everybody  would  love  everybody  else 
as  his  brother.  I  saw  a  rack.  Imagine  a  wagon  with  a 
windlass  on  each  end,  and  each  windlass  armed  with 
leather  bands,'  and  a  ratchet  that  prevented  slipping. 
The  victim  was  placed. upon  this. 

May  be  he  had  denied  something  that  some  idiot  said 
was  true;  may  be  he  had  a  discussion — a  division  of  opin- 
ion with  a  man  like  John  Calvin.  John  Calvin  said 
Christ  was  the  Eternal  Son  of  God  and  Michael  Servetus 
said  that  Christ  was  the  son  of  the  Eternal  God.  That 
was  the  only  difference  of  opinion.  Think  of  it!  What 
an  important  thing  it  was!  How  it  would  have  affected 
the  price  of  food!  "  Christ  is  the  Eternal  Son  of  God," 
said  one;  "  No,"  said  the  other,  "  Christ  is  the  Son  of 
Eternal  God" — that  was  all,  and  for  that  difference  of 
opinion  Michael  Servetus  was  burned  at  a  slow  fire  of 
green  wood,  and  the  wind  happening  to  blow  the  flames 
from  him  instead  of  towards  him,  he  was  in  the  most 
terrible  agony,  writhing  for  minutes  and  minutes,  and 
hours  and  hours,  and  finally  he  begged  and  implored 
those  wretches  to  move  him  so  that  the  wind  would  blow 
the  flames  against  him  and  destroy  him  without  such 
hellish  agony,  but  they  were  so  filled  with  the  doctrine 
of  "love  your  enemies"  that  they  would  not  do  it.  I 
never  will,  for  my  part,  depend  upon  any  religion  that 
has  ever  shed  a  drop  of  human  blood.  * 

Upon   this   rack    I    have    described,   this   victim  was 

*  Speaking  of  the  Inquisition,  Prof.  Draper  says:  "  With  such  savage 
alacrity  did  it  carry  out  its  object  of  protecting  the  interests  of  religion, 
that  between  1480  and  1808  it  had  punished  340,000  persons,  and  of  these 
nearly  32,000  had  been  burnt!  " — Conflict  between  Religion  and  Science. 


622  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

placed,  and  those  chains  were  attached  to  his  Ankles  and 
then  to  his  waist,  and  clergymen — good  men!  pious  men! 
men  that  were  shocked  at  the  immorality  of  their  day! 
They  talked  about  playing  cards  and  the  horrible  crime 
of  dancing!  Oh,  how  such  things  shocked  them;  men 
going  to  theaters  and  seeing  a  play  written  by  the  grand- 
est genius  the  world  ever  has  produced.  How  it  shocked 
their  sublime  and  tender  souls!  But  they  commenced 
turning  this  machine,  and  they  kept  on  turning  until  the 
ankles,  knees,  hips,  elbows,  shoulders  and  wrists  were 
all  dislocated  and  the  victim  was  red  with  the  sweat  of 
agony,  and  they  had  standing  by  a  physician  to  feel  the 
pulse,  so  that  the  last  faint  flutter  of  life  would  not  leave 
his  veins.  Did  they  wish  to  save  his  life?  Yes.  In 
mercy?  No!  Simply  that  they  might  have  the  pleasure 
of  racking  him  once  again .  That  is  the  spirit,  and  it  is 
a  spirit  born  of  the  doctrine  that  there  is  upon  the  throne 
of  the  universe  a  being  who  will  eternally  damn  his  chil- 
dren, and  they  said:  "  If  God  is  going  to  have  the  su- 
preme happiness  of  burning  them  forever,  certainly  he 
ought  not  to  begrudge  to  us  the  joy  of  burning  them  for 
an  hour  or  two."  That  was  their  doctrine,  and  when  I 
read  these  things  it  seems  to  me  that  I  have  suffered 
them  myself. 

When  I  look  upon  those  instruments  I  look  upon  them 
as  though  I  had  suffered  all  these  tortures  myself.  It 
seems  to  me  as  though  I  had  stood  upon  the  shore  an 
exile  and  looking  with  tear-filled  eyes  toward  home  and 
native  land.  It  seems  as  though  my  nails  had  been 
plucked  out  and  into  bleeding  flesh  needles  had  been 
thrust;  as  though  my  eyelids  had  been  torn  away  and  I 
had  been  set  out  in  the  ardent  rays  of  the  sun;  as  though 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  623 

I  had  been  set  out  upon  the  sands  of  the  sea  and  drowned 
by  the  inexorable  tide;  as  though  I  had  been  in  the 
dungeon  waiting  for  the  coming  footsteps  of  relief;  as 
though  I  had  been  upon  the  scaffold  and  seen  the  glitter- 
ing axe  falling  upon  me;  and  seen  bending  above  me  the 
the  white  faces  of  hypocrite  priests;  as  though  I  had  been 
taken  from  my  wife  and  children  to  the  public  square, 
where  faggots  had  been  piled  around  me  and  the  flames 
had  climbed  around  my  limbs  and  scorched  my  eyes  to 
blindness;  as  though  my  ashes  had  been  scattered  by  all 
the  hands  of  hatred;  and  I  feel  like  saying,  that  while  I 
live  I  will  do  what  little  I  can  to  preserve  and  augment 
the  rights  of  men,  women  and  children;  while  I  live  I 
will  do  a  little  something  so  that  they  who  come  after 
me  shall  have  the  right  to  think  and  express  that  thought. 
The  trouble  is  those  who  oppose  us  pretend  they  are 
better  than  we  are.  They  are  more  mortal,  they  are 
kinder,  they  are  more  generous.  I  deny  it.  They  are 
not.  And  if  they  are  the  ones  that  are  to  be  saved  in 
another  world,  and  if  those  who  simply  think  they  are 
honest,  and  express  that  honest  thought,  are  to  be 
damned,  there  will  be  but  little  originality,  to  say  the 
least  of  it,  in  heaven.  They  say  they  are  better  than  we 
are — and  to  show  you  how  much  better  they  are  I  have 
got  at  home  copies  of  some  letters  that  passed  between 
gentlemen  high  in  the  church  several  hundred  y^ars  ago, 
and  the  question  was  this:  "  Ought  we  to  cut  out  the 
tongues  of  blasphemers  before  we  burn  them? "  And 
they  finally  decided  that  they  ought  to  do  so,  and  I  will 
tell  you  the  reason  they  gave.  They  said  if  they  were 
not  cut  out  that  while  they  were  being  burned,  they  might, 
by  their  heresies,  scandalize  the  gentleman  who  would 


624  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

bring  the  wood;  they  were  too  good  to  hear  these  things 
and  they  might  be  injured;  and  the  same  idea  appears  to 
prevail  in  this  world  now  that  they  are  too  good  and  they 
must  not  be  shocked. 

They  say  to  us:  "  You  must  not  shock  us,  and  when 
you  say  there  is  no  hell  we  are  shocked.  You  must  not 
say  that."  When  I  go  to  church  and  they  tell  me  there 
is  a  hell  I  must  not  get  shocked;  and  if  they  tell  me  that 
there  is  not  only  a  hell,  but  that  I  am  going  to  it,  I  must 
not  be  shocked.  Even  if  they  take  the  next  step  and  act 
as  though  they  would  be  glad  to  see  me  there,  still  I 
must  not  be  shocked.  I  will  agree  to  keep  from  being 
shocked  as  long  as  anybody  in  the  world — they  can  say 
what  they  please;  I  will  not  get  shocked,  but  let  me  say 
it.  You  send  missionaries  to  Turkey  and  tell  them  that 
the  Koran  is  a  lie.  You  shock  them.  You  tell  them 
that  Mahomet  was  not  a  prophet .  You  shock  them.  It 
is  too  bad  to  shock  them.  You  go  to  India  and  you  tell 
them  that  Vishnu  was  nothing,  Purana  was  nothing,  that 
Buddha  was  nobody,  and  your  Brahma,  he  is  nothing. 
Why  do  you  shock  these  people?  You  should  not  do 
that;  you  ought  not  to  hurt  their  feelings.  I  teli  you  no 
man  on  earth  has  a  right  to  be  shocked  at  the  expression 
of  an  honest  opinion  when  it  is  kindly  done,  and  I  don't 
believe  there  is  any  God  in  the  universe  who  has  put  a 
curtain  over  the  fact  and  made  it  a  crime  for  the  honest 
hand  of  investigation  to  endeavor  to  draw  that  curtain. 

This  world  has  not  been  fit  to  live  in  fifty  years.  There 
is  no  liberty  in  it — very  little.  Why,  it  is  only  a  few 
years  ago  that  all  the  Christian  nations  were  engaged  in 
the  slave  trade.  It  was  not  until  1808,  that  England 
abolished  the  slave  trade,  and  up  to  that  time  her  priests 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          625 

in  her  churches,  and  her  judges  on  her  benches,  owned 
stock  in  slave  ships,  and  luxuriated  on  the  profits1  of 
piracy  and  murder;  and  when  a  man  stood  up  and  de- 
nounced it,  they  mobbed  him  as  though  he  had  been  a 
common  burglar  or  a  horse  thief.  Think  of  it!  It  was 
not  until  the  28th  day  of  August,  1833,  that  England 
abolished  slavery  in  her  colonies;  and  it  was  not  until  the 
first  day  of  January,  1863,  that  Abraham  Lincoln,  by 
direction  of  the  entire  North,  wiped  that  infamy  out  of 
this  country;  and  I  never  speak  of  Abraham  Lincoln  but 
I  want  to  say  that  he  was,  in  my  judgment,  in  many  re- 
spects the  grandest  man  ever  president  of  the  United 
States.  I  say  that  upon  his  tomb  there  ought  to  be  this 
line — and  I  know  of  no  other  man  deserving  it  so  well  as 
he:  "Here  lies  one  who,  having  been  clothed  with 
almost  absolute  power,  never  abused  it  except  on  the 
side  of  mercy." 

Just  think  of  it!  Our  churches  and  best  people,  as  they 
call  themselves,  defending  the  institution  of  slavery. 
When  I  was  a  little  boy  I  used  to  see  steamers  go  down 
the  Mississippi  river  with  hundreds  of  men  and  women 
chained  hand  to  hand,  and  even  children,  and  men  stand- 
ing about  them  with  whips  in  their  hands  and  pistols  in 
their  pockets  in  the  name  of  liberty,  in  the  name  of  civ- 
ilization and  in  the  name  of  religion!  I  used  to  hear 
them  preach  to  these  slaves  in  the  South  and  the  only 
text  they  ever  took  was  "Servants,  be  obedient  unto 
your  masters,"  That  was  the  salutation  of  the  most 
merciful  God  to  a  man  whose  back  was  bleeding,  that 
was  the  salutation  of  the  most  merciful  God  to  the  slave- 
mother  bending  over  an  empty  cradle,  to  the  woman 
from  whose  breast  a  child  had  been  stolen — "Servants, 


626  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

be  obedient  unto  you  masters."  That  was  what  they 
said  to  man  running  for  his  life  and  for  his  liberty  through 
tangled  swamps  and  listening  to  the  baying  of  blood- 
hounds, and  when  he  listened  for  them  the  voice  came 
from  heaven :  ' '  Servants,  be  obedient  unto  your  masters. " 

That  is  civilization.  Think  what  slaves  we  have  been! 
Think  how  we  have  crouched  and  cringed  before  wealth 
even!  How  they  used  to  cringe  in  old  times  before  a 
man  who  was  rich — there  are  so  many  of  them  gone  into 
bankruptcy  lately  that  we  are  losing  a  little  of  our  fear. 

We  used  to  worship  the  golden  calf,  and  the  worst  you 
can  say  of  us  now,  is,  we  worship  the  gold  of  the  calf, 
and  even  the  calves  are  beginning  to  see  this  distinction. 
We  used  to  go  down  on  our  knees  to  every  man  that  held 
office;  now  he  must  fill  it  if  he  wishes  any  respect.  We 
care  nothing  for  the  rich,  except  what  will  they  do  with 
their  money?  Do  they  benefit  mankind?  That  is  the 
question.  You  say  this  man  holds  an  office.  How  does 
he  fill  it? — that  is  the  question.  And  there  is  rapidly 
growing  up  in  the  world  an  aristocracy  of  heart  and  brain 
—the  only  aristocracy  that  has  a  right  to  exist.  We  are 
getting  free.  We  are  thinking  in  every  direction.  We 
are  investigating  with  the  microscope  and  the  tele- 
scope. We  are  digging  into  the  earth  and  finding  sou- 
venirs of  all  the  ages.  We  are  finding  out  something 
about  the  laws  of  health  and  disease.  We  are  adding 
years  to  the  span  of  human  life  and  we  are  making  the 
world  fit  to  live  in.  That  is  what  we  are  doing,  and  every 
man  that  has  an  honest  thought  and  expresses  it,  helps, 
and  every  man  that  tries  to  keep  honest  thought  from 
being  expressed  is  an  obstruction  and  a  hindrance. 

Now  if  men  have  been  slaves  what  shall  we  say   of 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  627 

women?  They  have  been  the  slaves  of  slaves.  The 
meaner  a  man  is,  the  better  he  thinks  he  is  than  a  wom- 
an. As  a  rule,  you  take  an  ignorant,  brutal  man — don't 
talk  to  him  about  a  woman  governing  him,  he  don't 
believe  it — not  he;  and  nearly  every  religion  of  this  world 
has  been  gallant  enough  to  account  for  all  the  trouble  and 
misfortune  we  have  had  by  the  crime  of  woman. 

Even  if  it  is  true,  I  do  not  care;  I  had  rather  live  in  a 
world  full  of  trouble  with  the  woman  I  love  than  in 
heaven  with  nobody  but  men.  Nearly  every  religion 
accounts  for  all  the  trouble  we  have  ever  had  by  the 
crime  of  woman.  I  recollect  one  book  where  I  read  an 
account  of  what  is  called  the  creation — I  arn  not  giving 
the  exact  words,  I  will  give  the  substance  of  it.  The  su- 
preme being  thought  best  to  make  a  world  and  one  man 
— never  thought  about  making  a  woman  at  that  time; 
making  a  woman  was  a  second  thought,  and  I  am  free  to 
admit  that  second  thoughts  as  a  rule  are  best.  He  made 
this  world  and  one  man,  and  put  this  man  in  a  park,  or 
garden,  or  public  square,  or  whatever  you  might  call  it, 
to  dress  and  keep  it.  The  man  had  nothing  to  do.  He 
moped  around  there  as  though  he  was  waiting  for  a  train. 
And  the  supreme  being  noticed  that  he  got  lonesome — I 
am  glad  He  did!  It  occurred  to  Him  that  he  would 
make  a  companion,  and  having  made  the  world  and  one 
man  out  of  nothing,  and  having  used  up  all  the  nothing, 
He  had  to  take  a  part  of  the  man  to  start  the  woman 
with — I  am  not  giving  the  exact  language,  neither  do  I 
say  this  story  is  true.  -I  do  not  know.  I  would  not  want 
to  deceive  anybody. 

So  sleep  fell  upon  this  man,  and  they  took  from  his 
side  a  rib — the  French  would  call  it  a  cutlet.  And  out 


628  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

of  that  they  made  a  woman,  and  taking  into  considera- 
tion the  amount  and  quality  of  the  raw  material  used,  I 
look  upon  it  as  the  most  successful  job  ever  accomplished 
in  this  world.  I  am  giving  just  a  rough  outline  of  this 
story.  After  He  got  the  woman  done  she  was  brought 
to  the  man — not  to  see  how  she  liked  him,  but  to  see  how 
he  he  liked  her.  He  liked  her  and  the}  went  to  keeping 
house.  Before  she  was  made  there  was  really  nothing 
to  do;  there  was  no  news,  no  politics,  no  religion,  not 
even  civil  service  reform.  And  as  the  divil  had  not  yet 
put  in  an  appearance,  there  was  no  chance  to  conciliate 
him.  They  started  in  the  housekeeping  business,  and 
they  were  told  they  could  do  anything  they  liked  except 
eat  an  apple.  Of  course  they  ate  it.  I  would  have  done 
it  myself  I  know.  I  am  satisfied  I  would  have  had  an. 
apple  off  that  tree,  if  I  had  been  there,  in  fifteen  minutes. 
They  were  caught  at  it,  and  they  were  turned  out,  and 
there  was  an  extra  police  force  put  on  to  keep  them  from 
coming  in  again.  And  then  measles,  and  whooping- 
cough,  mumps,  etc. ,  started  in  the  race  of  man,  roses  be- 
gan to  have  thorns  and  snakes  began  to  have  teeth,  and 
people  began  to  fight  about  religion  and  politics,  and 
they  have  been  fighting  and  scratching  each  other's  eyes 
out  from  that  day  to  this. 

I  read  in  another  book  an  account  of  the  same  trans- 
action. They  tell  us  the  Supreme  Brahma  made  up  his 
mind  to  make  a  man,  a  woman,  and  a  world;  and  that 
he  put  this  man  and  woman  in  the  island  of  Ceylon. 
According  to  the  description,  it  was  the  most  beautiful 
isle  that  ever  existed;  it  beggared  the  description  of  a 
Chicago  land  agent  completely.  It  was  delightful;  the 
branches  of  the  trees  were  so  arranged  that  when  the 


INTELLECTUAL   DEVELOPMENT.  629 

wind  swept  through  them  they  seemed  like  a  thousand 
seolian  harps,  and  the  man  was  named  Adami,  and  the 
woman's  name  was  Heva.  This  book  was  written  about 
three  or  four  thousand  years  before  the  other  one,  and 
all  the  commentators  in  this  country  agree  that  the  story 
that  was  written  first  was  copied  from  the  one  that  was 
written  last.  I  hope  you 'will  not  let  a  matter  of  three  or 
four  thousand  years  interfere  with  your  ideas  on  the  sub- 
ject. The  Supreme  Brahma  said:  "  Let  them  have  a 
period  of  courtship,  because  it  is  my  desire  that  true  love 
always  should  precede  marriage  " — and  that  was  so  much 
better  than  lugging  her  up  to  him  and  saying,  ' '  Do  you 
like  her?"  that  upon  my  word  I  said  when  I  read  it,  "  If 
either  one  of  these  stories  turn  out  to  be  true,  I  hope  it 
will  be  this  one." 

They  had  a  courtship  in  the  starlight  and  moonlight, 
and  perfume-laden  air,  with  the  nightingale  singing  his 
song  of  joy,  and  they  got  in  love.  There  was  nobody 
to  bother  them,  no  prospective  fathers  or  mothers-in- 
law,  no  gossiping  neighbors,  nobody  to  say  '  *  Young 
man,  how  do  you  propose  to  support  her" — they  got  in 
love  and  they  were  married,  and  they  started  keeping 
house,  and  the  Supreme  Brahma  said  to  them:  "  You 
must  not  leave  this  island."  After  awhile  the  man  got 
uneasy — wanted  to  go  West.  He  went  to  the  western 
extremity  of  the  island,  and  there  the  devil  got  up, 
and  when  he  looked  over  on  the  main  land  he  saw 
such  hills  and  valleys  and  torrents,  and  such  mountains 
crowned  with  snow;  such  cataracts,  robed  in  glory,  that 
he  went  right  back  to  Heva.  Says  he:  "Come  over 
here;  it  is  a  thousand  times  better;"  says  he:  "  let  us 
emigrate."  She  said,  like  another  woman:  "No,  let 


630  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

well  enough  alone;  we  have  no  rent  to  pay,  and  no  taxes; 
we  are  doing  very  well  now,  let  us  stay  where  we  are.''' 
But  he  insisted,  and  so  she  went  with  him,  and  when  he 
got  to  this  western  extremity,  where  there  was  a  little 
neck  of  land  leading  to  this  better  land,  he  took  her  on 
his  back  and  walked  over,  and  the  moment  he  got  over 
he  heard  a  crash,  and  he  looked  back  and  this  narrow 
neck  of  land  had  sunk  into  the  sea,  leaving  here  and 
there  a  rock  (and  those  rocks  are  called  even  unto  this 
day  the  footsteps  of  Adami),  and  when  he  looked  back 
this  beautiful  mirage  had  disappeared. 

Instead  of  verdure  and  flowers  there  was  naught  but 
rocks  and  sand,  and  then  he  heard  the  voice  of  the  Su- 
preme Brahrna  crying  out  cursing  them  both  to  the  low- 
est hell,  and  then  it  was  that  Adami  said:  "  Curse  me, 
if  you  choose,  but  not  her;  it  was  not  her  fault,  it  was 
mine;  curse  me."  That  is  the  kind  of  a  man  to  start  a 
world  with.  And  the  Supreme  Brahma  said  "I  will 
spare  her,  but  I  will  not  spare  you."  Then  she  spoke, 
out  of  a  breast  so  full  of  affection  that  she  has  left  a 
legacy  of  love  to  all  her  daughters:  "  If  thou  wilt  not 
spare  him,  spare  neither  me,  because  I  love  him."  Then 
the  Supreme  Brahma  said — and  I  have  liked  him  ever 
since — "  I  will  spare  both,  and  watch  over  you  and  your 
children  forever." 

Now,  really  this  story  appears  to  me  better  than  the 
other  one.  It  is  loftier;  there  is  more  in  it  than  I  can 
admire. 

In  order  to  show  you  that  humanity  does  not  belong 
to  any  particular  nation,  and  that  there  are  great  and 
tender  souls  everywhere,  let  me  tell  you  a  little  more 
that  is  in  this  book. 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          631 

"  Blessed  is  that  man,  and  beloved  of  all  the  gods  who 
is  afraid  of  no  man,  and  of  whom  no  man  is  afraid." 
Think  of  that  kind  of  character!  Another:  "Man  is 
strength,  woman  is  beauty;  man  is  courage,  woman  is 
love;  and  where  the  one  man  loves  the  one  woman  the 
very  angels  leave  heaven  and  come  and  sit  in  that  house 
and  sing  for  joy."  I  think  that  is  nearly  equal  to  this: 
"  If  you  do  not  want  your  wife,  give  her  a  writing  of 
divorcement,"  and  make  the  mother  of  your  children  a 
houseless  wanderer  and  a  vagrant — nearly  as  good  as 
that. 

1  believe  that  marriage  should  be  a  perfect  partnership; 
that  woman  should  have  all  the  rights  that  man  has,  and 
one  more — the  right  to  be  protected.  I  believe  in  mar- 
riage. It  took  hundreds  and  thousands  of  years  for 
woman  to  get  from  a  state  of  abject  slavery  up  to  the 
height  even  of  marriage.  I  have  not  the  slightest  respect 
for  the  ideas  of  those  short-haired  women  and  long-haired 
men  who  denounce  the  institution  of  the  family,  who 
denounce  the  institution  of  marriage;  but  I  hold  in  greater 
contempt  the  husband  who  would  enslave  his  wife.  I  hold 
in  greater  contempt  the  man  who  is  anything  in  his  family 
love  and  tenderness,  and  kindness.  I  say  it  took  except 
hundreds  of  years  for  woman  to  come  from  a  state  of 
slavery  to  marriage;  and  ladies,  the  chains  that  are  upon 
your  necks  and  the  bracelets  that  are  put  upon  your 
arms  were  iron,  and  they  have  been  changed  by  the  touch 
of  the  wand  of  civilization  to  shining,  glittering  gold. 
Woman  came  from  a  condition  of  abject  slavery  and 
thousands  and  thousands  of  them  are  in  that  condition 
now.  I  believe  marriage  should  be  a  perfect  and  equal 
partnership.  I  do  not  like  a  man  who  thinks  he  is  boss. 


632  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

That  fellow  in  the  dug-out  was  always  talking  about 
being  boss.  I  do  not  like  a  man  who  thinks  he  is  the 
head  of  the  family.  I  do  not  like  a  man  who  thinks  he 
has  got  authority  and  that  the  woman  belongs  to  him — 
that  wants  for  his  wife  a  slave.  I  would  not  have  a 
slave  for  my  wife.  I  would  not  want  the  love  of  a  wom- 
an that  is  not  great  enough,  grand  enough,  and  splendid 
enough  to  be  free.  I  will  never  give  to  any  woman  my 
heart  upon  whom  I  afterwards  would  put  chains. 

Do  you  know  sometimes  I  think  generosity  is  about 
the  only  virtue  there  is.  How  I  do  hate  a  man  that  has 
to  be  begged  and  importuned  every  minute  for  a  few  cents 
by  his  wife.  "Give  me  a  dollar?"  "What  did  you  do 
with  that  fifty  cents  I  gave  you  last  Christmas?  "  If  you 
make  your  wife  a  perpetual  beggar,  what  kind  of  chil- 
dren do  you  expect  to  raise  with  a  beggar  for  their 
mother?  If  you  want  great  children,  if  you  want  to  peo- 
ple this  world  with  great  and  grand  men  and  women  they 
must  be  born  of  love  and  liberty.  I  have  known  men 
that  would  trust  a  woman  with  their  heart — if  you  call 
that  thing  which  pushes  their  blood  around  a  heart;  and 
with  their  honor — if  you  call  that  fear,  of  getting  into 
the  penitentiary,  honor;  I  have  known  men  that  would 
trust  that  heart  and  that  honor  with  a  woman,  but  not 
their  pocket-book — not  a  dollar  bill.  When  I  see  a  man 
of  that  kind,  I  think  they  know  better  than  1  do  which 
of  these  three  articles  is  the  most  valuable.  I  believe  if 
you  have  got  a  dollar  in  the  world  and  you  have  got  to 
spend  it,  spend  it  like  a  man;  spend  it  like  a  king,  like  a 
prince.  If  you  have  to  spend  it,  spend  it  as  though  it 
was  a  dried  leaf,  and  you  were  the  owner  of  unbounded 
forests.  I  had  rather  be  a  beggar  and  spend  my  last 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  633 

dollar  like  a  king  than  be  a  king  and  spend  my  money 
like  a  beggar.  What  is  it  worth  compared  with  the  love 
of  a  splendid  woman? 

People  tell  me  that  is  very  good  doctrine  for  rich  folks, 
but  it  won't  do  for  poor  folks.  I  tell  you  that  there  is 
more  love  in  the  huts  and  homes  of  the  poor,  than  in  the 
mansions  of  the  rich,  and  the  meanest  hut  with  love  in  it 
is  a  palace  fit  for  the  gods,  and  a  palace  without  that,  is 
a  den  only  fit  for  wild  beasts.  The  man  who  has  the  love 
of  one  splendid  woman  is  a  rich  man.  Joy  is  wealth,  and 
love  is  the  legal  tender  of  the  soul!  Love  is  the  only  thing 
that  will  pay  ten  per  cent,  to  borrower  and  lender  both; 
and  if  some  men  were  as  ashamed  of  appearing  cross  in 
public  as  they  are  of  appearing  tender  at  home,  this  world 
would  be  infinitely  better.  I  think  you  can  make  your 
home  a  heaven  if  you  want  to — you  can  make  up  your 
minds  to  that.  When  a  man  comes  home  let  him  come 
home  like  a  ray  of  light  in  the  night  bursting  through  the 
doors  and  illuminating  the  darkness.  What  right  has  a 
man  to  assassinate  joy,  and  murder  happiness  in  the 
sanctuary  of  love — to  be  a  cross  man,  a  peevish  man — is 
that  the  way  he  courted?  Was  there  always  something 
ailing  him?  Was  he  too  nervous  to  hear  her  speak?  When 
I  see  a  man  of  that  kind  I  am  always  sorry  that  doctors 
know  so  much  about  preserving  life  as  they  do. 

It  is  not  necessary  to  be  rich,  nor  powerful,  nor  great 
to  be  a  success;  and  neither  is  it  necessary  to  have  your 
name  between  the  putrid  lips  of  rumor  to  be  great.  We 
have  had  a  false  standard  of  success.  In  the  years  when 
I  was  a  little  boy  we  read  in  our  books  that  no  fellow 
was  a  success  that  did  not  make  a  fortune  or  get  a  big 
office,  and  he  generally  was  a  man  that  slept  about  three 


634  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

hours  a  night.  They  never  put  down  in  the  books  the 
names  of  those  gentlemen  that  succeeded  in  life  that 
slept  all  they  wanted  to;  and  we  all  thought  that  we 
could  not  sleep  to  exceed  three  or  four  hours  if  we  ever 
expected  to  be  anything  in  this  world.  We  have  had  a 
wrong  standard.  The  happy  man  is  the  successful  man; 
and  the  man  who  makes  somebody  else  happy,  is  a  happy 
man.  The  man  that  has  gained  the  loye  of  one  good, 
splendid,  pure  woman,  his  life  has  been  a  success,  no 
matter  if  he  dies  in  the  ditch;  and  if  he  gets  to  be  a 
crowned  monarch  of  the  world,  and  never  had  the  love 
of  one  splendid  heart,  his  life  has  been  an  ashen  vapor. 
A  little  while  ago  I  stood  by  the  tomb  of  the  first 
Napoleon,  a  magnificent  tomb  of  gilt  and  gold,  fit  almost 
for  a  dead  deity,  and  here  was  a  great  circle,  and  in  the 
bottom  there,  in  a  sarcophagus,  rested  at  last  the  ashes 
of  that  restless  man.  I  looked  at  that  tomb,  and  I 
thought  about  the  career  of  the  greatest  soldier  of  the 
modern  world.  As  I  looked  in  imagination  I  could  see 
him  walking  up  and  down  the  banks  of  the  Seine  con- 
templating suicide.  I  could  see  him  at  Toulon;  I  could 
see  him  at  Paris,  putting  down  the  mob;  I  could  see  him 
at  the  head  of  the  army  of  Italy;  I  could  see  him  cross- 
ing the  bridge  of  Lodi,  W7ith  the  tri-color  in  his  hand;  I 
saw  him  in  Egypt,  fighting  battles  under  the  shadow  of 
the  Pyramids;  I  saw  him  returning;  I  saw  him  conquer 
the  Alps,  and  mingle  the  eagles  of  France  with  the  eagles 
of  Italy;  I  saw  him  at  Marengo,  I  saw  him  at  Austerlitz; 
I  saw  him  in  Russia,  where  the  infantry  of  the  snow  and 
the  blast  smote  his  legions,  when  death  rode  the  icy 
winds  of  winter.  I  saw  him  at  Leipsic;  hurled  back  upon 
Paris,  banished;  and  I  saw  him  escape  from  Elba  and 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  635 

retake  an  empire  by  the  force  of  his  genius.  I  saw  him 
at  the  field  of  Waterloo,  where  fate  and  chance  com- 
bined to  wreck  the  fortune  of  their  former  king.  1  saw 
him  at  St.  Helena,  with  his  hands  behind. his  back,  gaz- 
ing out  upon  the  sad  and  solemn  sea,  and  I  thought  of 
all  the  widows  he  had  made,  of  all  the  orphans,  of  all 
the  tears  that  had  been  shed  for  his  glory;  and  I  thought 
of  the  woman,  the  only  woman  who  ever  loved  him, 
pushed  from  his  heart  by  the  cold  hand  of  ambition — 
and  I  said  to  myself,  as  I  gazed,  "  I  would  rather  have 
been  a  French  peasant  and  worn  wooden  shoes,  and 
lived  in  a  little  hut  with  a  vine  running  over  the  door 
and  the  purple  grapes  growing  red  in  the  armorous  kisses 
of  the  autumn  sun — I  would  rather  have  been  that  poor 
French  peasant,  to  sit  in  my  door,  with  my  wife  knitting 
by  my  side  and  rny  children  upon  my  knees  with  their 
arms  around  my  neck — I  would  rather  have  lived  and 
died  unnoticed  and  unknown  except  by  those  who  loved 
me,  and  gone  down  to  the  voiceless  silence  of  the  dream- 
less dust — I  would  rather  have  been  that  French  peasant 
than  to  have  been  that  imperial  impersonation  of  force 
arid  murder  who  covered  Europe  with  blood  and  tears." 
I  tell  you  I  had  rather  make  somebody  happy,  I  would 
rather  have  the  love  of  somebody;  I  would  rather  go  to 
the  forest,  far  away,  and  build  me  a  little  cabin — build  it 
myself  and  daub  it  with  mud,  and  live  there  with  my  wife 
and  children;  I  had  rather  go  there  and  live  by  myself— 
our  little  family — and  have  a  little  path  that  led  down  to 
the  spring,  where  the  water  bubbled  out  day  and  night 
like  a  little  poem  from  the  heart  of  the  earth;  a  little  hut 
wirh  some  hollyhocks  at  the  corner,  with  their  bannered 
bosoms  open  to  the  sun,  and  with  the  thrush  in  the  air, 


636  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

like  a  song  of  joy  in  the  morning;  I  would  rather  live 
there  and  have  some  lattice  work  across  the  window,  so 
that  the  sunlight  would  fall  checkered  on  the  baby  in  the 
cradle;  I  would  rather  live  there  and  have  my  soul  erect 
and  free,  than  to  live  in  a  palace  of  gold  and  wear  the 
crown  of  imperial  power  and  know  that  my  soul  was 
slimy  with  hypocrisy.  It  is  not  necessary  to  be  rich  and 
great  and  powerful  in  order  to  be  happy.  If  you  will 
treat  your  wife  like  a  spendid  flower,  she  will  fill  your  life 
with  a  perfume  and  with  joy. 

I  believe  in  the  democracy  of  the  fireside,  I  believe  in 
the  republicism  of  home,  in  the  equality  of  man  and 
woman,  in  the  equality  of  husband  and  wife,  and  for  this 
I  am  denounced  by  the  sentinels  upon  the  walls  of  Zion. 

They  say  there  must  be  a  head  to  the  family.  I  say 
no — equal  rights  for  man  and  wife,  and  where  there  is 
really  love  there  is  liberty,  and  where  the  idea  of  author- 
ity comes  in  you  will  find  that  love  has  spread  its  pinions 
and  flown  forever.  It  is  a  splendid  thing  for  me  to  think 
that  when  a  woman  really  loves  a  man  he  never  grows 
old  in  her  eyes;  she  always  sees  the  gallant  gentleman 
that  won  her  hand  and  heart;  and  when  a  man  really  and 
truly  loves  a  woman  she  does  not  grow  old  to  him; 
through  the  wrinkles  of  years  he  sees  the  face  he  loved 
and  won.  That  is  all  there  is  in  this  world — all  the  rest 
amounts  to  nothing — it  is  a  tale  told  by  an  idiot  signify- 
ing nothing.  You  take  from  the  family  love,  and  nothing 
is  left.  There  must  be  equality;  there  must  be  no  master; 
there  must  be  no  servant.  There  must  be  equality  and 
kindness.  The  man  should  be  infinitely  tender  towards 
the  woman — and  why? — because  she  cannot  go  at  hard 
work,  she  cannot  make  her  own  living.  She  has 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  637 

squandered  her  wealth  of  beauty  and  youth  upon  him. 
Now,  if  women  have  been  slaves,  what  do  you  say 
about  children?  Children  have  been  the  slaves  of  the 
slaves.  I  know  children  that  turn  pale  with  fright  when 
they  hear  their  mother's  voice;  children  of  property;  chil- 
dren of  crime,  children  of  sub-cellars;  children  of  the 
narrow  streets,  the  flotsam  and  jetsam  upon  the  wild, 
rude  sea  of  life — my  heart  goes  out  to  them  one  and  all; 
I  say  they  have  all  the  rights  we  have  and  one  more — 
the  right  to  be  protected.  I  believe  in  governing  chil- 
dren by  kindness,  by  love,  by  tenderness.  If  a  child 
commits  a  fault  take  it  in  your  arms,  let  your  heart  beat 
against  its  heart;  don't  go  and  talk  to  it  about  hell  and  the 
bankruptcy  of  the  universe.  If  your  child  tells  a  lie— 
what  of  it?  Be  honest  with  the  child,  tell  him  you  have 
told  hundreds  of  them  yourself.  Then  your  child  will  not 
be  afraid  to  tell  you  when  it  commits  a  fault;  it  will  not 
regard  you  as  old  perfection,  until  it  gets  a  few  years 
older,  and  finds  you  are  an  old  hypocrite — and  you  can- 
not put  a  thick  enough  veil  upon  you  but  what  the  eyes 
of  childhood  will  peep  through  it;  they  will  see;  they  will 
find  out;  and  when  your  child  tells  a  lie,  examine  your- 
self, and  in  all  probability  you  will  find  you  have  been  a 
tyrant.  A  tyrant  father  will  have  liars  for  his  children. 
A  liar  is  born  of  tyranny  on  the  one  hand  and  fear  on 
the  other.  Truth  comes  from  the  lips  of  courage.  It  is 
born  in  confidence  and  honor.  If  you  want  a  child  to 
tell  you  the  truth  you  want  to  be  a  faithful  man  yourself. 
You  go  at  your  little  child,  five  or  six  years  old,  with  a 
stick  in  your  hand — what  is  he  to  do?  Tell  the  truth?  Then 
he  will  get  whipped.  What  is  he  to  do?  I  thank  Mother 
Nature  for  putting  ingenuity  in  the  mind  of  a  little  child 
so  that  when  it  is  attacked  by  a  brutal  parent  it  throws 


638  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

up  a  little  breastwork  in  the  shape  of  a  lie.  That  being 
done  by  nations  it  is  called  strategy,  and  many  a  general 
wears  his  honors  for  having  practiced  it;  and  will  you 
deny  it  to  little  children  to  protect  themselves  from  brutal 
parents.  Supposing  a  man  as  much  larger  than  we  are, 
larger  than  child  would  come  at  us  with  a  liberty-pole  in 
his  hand  and  would  shout  in  tones  of  thunder,  "Who 
broke  that  plate?  "  Every  one  of  us — including  myself 
—would  just  stand  right  up  and  swear  either  that  we 
never  saw  that  plate,  or  that  it  was  cracked  when  we  got 
it.  Give  a  child  a  chance;  there  is  no  other  way  to  have 
children  tell  the  truth — tell  the  truth  to  them — keep 
your  contracts  with  your  children  the  same  as  you  would 
to  your  banker. 

I  was  up  at  Grand  Rapids,  Michigan,  the  other  day. 
There  was  a  gentleman  there,  and  his  wife,  who  had 
promised  to  fake  their  little  boy  for  a  ride  every  night  for 
ten  days,  or  every  day  for  ten  days,  but  they  did  not  do  it. 
They  slipped  out  to  the  barn  and  they  went  without  him. 
The  day  before  I  was  there  they  played  the  same  game 
on  him  again.  He  is  a  nice  little  boy,  an  American  boy, 
a  boy  with  brains,  one  of  those  boys  that  don't  take  the 
hatchet-story  as  a  fact;  he  had  his  own  ideas.  They 
fooled  him  again,  and  they  came  around  the  corner  as 
big  as  life,  man  and  wife.  The  little  fellow  was  stand- 
ing on  the  door  step  with  his  nurse,  and  he  looked  at 
them,  and  he  made  this  remark:  "There  go  the  two 
damndest  liars  in  Grand  Rapids."  I  merely  tell  you  this 
story  to  show  you  that  children  have  level  heads;  they 
understand  this  business. 

Teach  your  children  to  tell  you  the  truth--  tell  them 
the  truth.  If  there  is  one  here  that  ever  intends  to  whip 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          639 

his  child  I  have  a  favor  to  ask.  Have  your  photograph 
taken  when  you  are  in  the  act,  with  your  red  and  vulgar 
face,  your  brow  corrugated,  pretending  you  would  rather 
be  whipped  yourself.  Have  the  child's  photograph  taken 
too,  with  his  eyes  streaming  with  tears,  and  his  chin 
dimpled  with  fear,  as  a  little  sheet  of  water  struck  by  a 
sudden  cold  wind;  and  if  your  child  should  die  I  cannot 
think  of  a  sweeter  way  to  spend  an  afternoon  than  to  go 
to  the  graveyard  in  the  autumn,  when  the  maples  are 
clad  in  pink  and  gold,  when  the  little  scarlet  runners 
come  like  poems  out  of  the  breast  of  the  earth — go  there 
and  sit  down  and  look  at  that  photograph  and  think  of 
the  flesh,  now  dust,  and  how  you  caused  it  to  writhe  in 
pain  and  agony. 

I  will  tell  you  what  I  am  doing;  I  am  doing  what  little 
I  can  to  save  the  flesh  ot  children.  You  have  no  right 
to  whip  them.  It  is  not  the  way;  and  yet  some  Chris- 
tians drive  their  children  from  their  doors  if  they  do 
wrong,  especially  if  it  is  a  sweet,  tender  girl — I  believe 
there  is  no  instance  on  record  of  any  veal  being  given  for 
the  return  of  a  girl — some  Christians  drive  them  from 
their  doors  and  then  go  down  upon  their  knees  and  ask 
God  to  take  care  of  their  children!  I  will  never  ask  God 
to  take  care  of  my  children  unless  I  am  doing  my  level 
best  in  that  same  direction.  Some  Christians  act  as 
though  they  thought  when  the  Lord  said,  "Suffer  little 
children  to  come  unto  me  "  that  he  had  a  raw-hide  under 
His  mantle — they  act  as  if  they  thought  so.  That  is  all 
wrong.  I  tell  you  my  children  this:  Go  where  you  may, 
commit  what  crime  you  may,  fall  to  what  depths  of  de- 
gradation you  may,  I  can  never  shut  my  arms,  my  heart 
or  my  door  to  you.  As  long  as  I  live  you  shall  have  one 


640  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

sincere  friend;  do  not  be  afraid  to  tell  anything  wrong 
you  have  done;  ten  to  one  if  I  have  not  done  the  same 
thing.  I  am  not  perfection,  and  if  it  is  necessary  to  sin 
in  order  to  have  sympathy,  I-  am  glad  I  have  committed 
sin  enough  to  have  sympathy.  The  sternness  of  perfec- 
tion I  do  not  want.  I  am  going  to  live  so  that  my  chil- 
dren can  come  to  my  grave  and  truthfully  say,  "  He  who 
sleeps  here  never  gave  us  one  moment  of  pain."  Whether 
you  call  that  religion  or  infidelity,  suit  yourselves;  that  is 
the  way  I  intend  to  do  it. 

When  I  was  a  little  fellow  most  everybody  thought 
that  some  days  were  too  sacred  for  the  young  ones  to 
enjoy  themselves  in.  That  was  the  general  idea.  Sun- 
day used  to  commence  Saturday  night  at  sundown,  under 
ihe  old  text.  "  The  evening  and  the  morning  were  the 
first  day."  They  commenced  then,  I  think,  to  get  a  good 
ready.  When  the  sun  went  down  Saturday  night,  dark- 
ness ten  thousand  times  deeper  than  ordinary  night  fell 
upon  the  house.  The  boy  that  looked  the  sickest  was 
regarded  as  the  most  pious.  You  could  not  crack 
hickory  nuts  that  night,  and  if  you  were  caught  chewing 
gum  it  was  another  evidence  of  the  total  depravity  of  the 
human  .heart.  It  was  a  very  solemn  evening.  We 
would  sometimes  sing  "Another  Day  has  Passed." 
Everybody  looked  as  though  they  had  the  dyspepsia — 
you  know  lots  of  people  think  they  are  pious,  just  because 
they  are  bilious,  as  Mr.  Hood  says.  It  was  a  solemn 
night,  and  the  rext  morning  the  solemnity  had  increased. 
Then  we  went  to  church,  and  the  minister  was  in  a  pulpit 
about  twenty  feet  high.  If  it  was  in  the  winter  there  was 
no  fire;  it  was  not  thought  proper  to  be  comfortable  while 
you  were  thanking  the  Lord.  The  minister  commenced 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          64! 

at  firstly  and  ran  up  to  about  twenty-fourthly,  and  then 
he  divided  it  up  again;  and  then  he  made  some  conclud- 
ing remarks,  and  then  he  said  lastly,  and  when  he  said 
lastly  he  was  about  half  through.  Then  we  had  what 
we  called  the  catechism — the  chief  end  of  man.  I  think 
that  has  a  tendency  to  make  a  boy  kind  of  bubble  up 
cheerfully. 

We  sat  along  on  a  bench  with  our  feet  about  eight 
inches  from  the  floor.  The  minister  said,  "Boys,  do 
you  know  what  becomes  of  the  wicked? "  We  all 
answered  as  cheerfully  as  grasshoppers  sing  in  Minnesota, 
"Yes,  sir."  "  Do  you  know,  boys,  that  you  all  ought  to 
go  to  hell?"  "Yes,  sir."  As  a  final  test:  "Boys, 
would  you  be  willing  to  go  to  hell  if  it  was  God's  will?  " 
And  every  little  liar  said,  "Yes,  sir."  The  dear  old 
minister  used  to  try  to  impress  upon  our  minds  about  how 
long  we  would  stay  there  after  we  got  there,  and  he  used 
to  say  in  an  awful  tone  of  voice — do  you  know  I  think 
that  is  what  gives  them  the  bronchitis — that  tone — you 
never  heard  of  an  auctioneer  having  it — "  Suppose  that 
once  in  a  billion  of  years  a  bird  were  to  come  from  some 
far,  distant  clime  and  carry  off  in  its  bill  a  grain  of  sand, 
when  the  time  came  when  the  last  animal  matter  of 
which  this  mundane  sphere  is  composed  would  be  carried 
away,  said  he  "boys,  by  that  time  in  hell  it  would  not 
be  sun  up."  We  had  this  sermon  in  the  morning  and  the 
same  one  in  the  afternoon,  only  he  commenced  at  the 
other  end.  Then  we  started  home  full  of  doctrine — we 
went  sadly  and  solemly  back.  If  it  was  in  the  summer  and 
the  weather  was  good  and  we  had  been  good  boys,  they 
used  to  take  us  down  to  the  graveyard,  and  to  cheer  us 
up  we  had  a  little  conversation  about  coffins,  and  shrouds, 


642  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

and  worms,  and  bones,  and  dust,  and  I  must  admit  that 
it  did  cheer  me  up  when  I  looked  at  those  sunken  graves* 
those  stones,  those  names  half  effaced  with  the  decay  of 
years.  I  felt  cheered,  for  I  said,  "'This  thing  can't  last 
always."  Then  we  had  to  read  a  good  deal.  We  were 
not  allowed  to  read  joke  books  or  anything  of  that  kind. 
We  read  Baxter's  "Call  to  the  Unconverted;"  Fox's 
"Book  of  Martyrs;"  Milton's  "History  of  the 
Waldenses,"  and  "Jenkins  on  the  Atonement."  I  gen- 
erally read  Jenkins;  and  I  have  often  thought  that  the 
atonement  ought  to  be  pretty  broad  in  its  provisions  to 
cover  the  case  of  a  man  that  would  write  a  book  like  that 
for  a  boy. 

Then  we  used  to  go  and  see  how  the  sun  was  getting 
on — when  the  sun  was  down  the  thing  was  over.  I  would 
sit  three  or  four  hours  reading  Jenkins,  and  then  go  out 
and  the  sun  would  not  have  gone  down  perceptibly.  I 
used  to  think  it  stuck  there  out  of  simple,  pure  cussed- 
ness.  But  it  went  down  at  last,  it  had  to;  that  was  a 
part  of  the  plan,  and  as  the  last  rim  of  light  would  sink 
below  the  horizon,  off  would  go  our  hats  and  we  would 
give  three  cheers  for  liberty  once  again. 

I  do  not  believe  in  making  Sunday  hateful  for  children". 
I  believe  in  allowing  them  to  be  happy,  and  no  day  can 
be  so  sacred  but  that  the  laugh  of  a  child  will  make  it 
holier  still.  There  is  no  God  in  the  heavens  that  is 
pleased  at  the  sadness  of  childhood.  You  cannot  make 
me  believe  that.  You  fill  their  poor,  little,  sweet  hearts 
with  the  fearful  doctrine  of  hell.  A  little  child  goes  out 
into  the  garden;  there  is  a  tree  covered  with  a  glory  of 
blossoms  and  the  child  leans  against  it,  and  there  is  a 
little  bird  on  the  bough  singing  and  swinging,  and  the 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  643 

waves  of  melody  run  out  of  its  tiny  throat,  thinking  about 
four  little  speckled  eggs  in  the  nest,  warmed  by  the 
breast  of  its  mate,  and  the  air  is  filled  with  perfume,  and 
that  little  child  leans  against  that  tree  and  thinks  about 
hell  and  the  worm  that  never  dies;  think  of  filling  the 
mind  of  a  child  with  that  infamous  dogma! 

Where  was  that  doctrine  of  hell  born?  Where  did  it 
come  from?  It  came  from  that  gentleman  in  the  dug-out; 
it  was  a  souvenir  from  the  lower  animal.  I  honestly  be- 
lieve that  the  doctrine  of  hell  was  born  in  the  glittering 
eyes  of  snakes  that  run  in  frightful  coils  watching  for 
their  prey.  I  believe  it  was  born  in  the  yelping  and 
howling  and  growling  and  snarling  of  wild  beasts.  I 
believe  it  was  born  in  the  grin  of  hyenas  and  in  the  mali- 
cious chatter  of  depraved  apes.  I  depise  it,  I  defy  it  and 
hate  it;  and  when  the  great  ship  freighted  with  the  world 
goes  down  in  the  night  of  death,  chaos  and  disaster,  I 
will  not  be  guilty  of  the  ineffable  meanness  of  pushing 
from  my  breast  my  wife  and  children  and  padding  off  in 
some  orthodox  canoe.  I  will  go  down  with  those  I  love 
and  with  those  who  love  me.  I  will  go  down  with  the 
ship  and  with  my  race.  I  will  go  where  there  is  sym- 
pathy. I  will  go  with  those  I  love.  Nothing  can  make 
me  believe  that  there  is  any  being  that  is  going  to  burn 
and  torment  and  damn  his  children  forever.  No,  sir! 
You  will  never  make  me  believe  you  can  divide  the  world 
up  into  saints  and  sinners,  and  that  the  saints  are  all 
going  to  heaven  and  the  others  to  hell.  I  don't  believe 
that  you  can  draw  the  line. 

You  are  sometimes  in  the  presence  of  a  great  disaster; 
there  is  a  fire;  at  the  fourth  story  window  you  see  the 
white  face  of  a  woman  with  a  child  in  her  arms,  and 


644  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

humanity  calls  out  for  somebody  to  go  to  the  rescue 
through  that  smoke  and  flame,  may  be  death.  They 
don't  call  for  a  Baptist,  nor  a  Presbyterian,  nor  a 
Methodist,  but  humanity  calls  for  a  man.  And  all  at 
once,  out  steps  somebody  that  nobody  ever  did  think  was 
much,  not  a  very  good  man,  and  yet  he  springs  up  the 
ladder  and  is  lost  in  the  smoke,  a:nd  a  moment  afterward 
he  emerges,  and  the  cruel  serpents  of  fire  climb  and  hiss 
around  his  brave  form,  but  he  goes  on  and  you  see  that 
woman  and  child  in  his  arms,  and  you  see  them  come 
down  and  they  are  handed  to  the  bystanders,  and  he  has 
fainted,  may  be,  and  the  crowd  stand  hushed,  as  they 
always  do,  in  the  presence  of  a  grand  action,  and  a 
moment  after  the  air  is  rent  with  a  cheer.  Tell  me  that 
that  man  is  going  to  hell,  who  is  willing  to  lose  his  life 
merely  to  keep  a  woman  and  child  from  the  torment  of 
a  moment's  flame — tell  me  that  he  is  going  to  hell;  I  tell 
you  that  it  is  a  falsehood,  and  if  anybody  says  so  he  is 
mistaken. 

I  have  seen  upon  the  battlefield  a  boy  sixteen  years  of 
age  struck  by  the  fragment  of  a  shell  and  life  oozing 
slowly  from  the  ragged  lips  of  his  death-wound,  and  I 
have  heard  him  and  seen  him  die  with  a  curse  upon  his 
lips,  and  he  had  the  face  of  his  mother  in  his  heart.  Do 
you  tell  me  that  that  boy  left  that  field  where  he  died 
that  the  flag  of  his  country  might^wave  forever  in  the  air 
— do  you  tell  me  that  he  went  from  that  field,  where  he 
lost  his  life  in  defense  of  the  liberties  of  men,  to  an  eternal 
hell?  I  tell  you  it  is  infamous! — and  such  a  doctrine  as 
that  would  tarnish  the  reputation  of  a  hyena  and  smirch 
the  fair  fame  of  an  anaconda. 

Let  us  see  whether  we  are  to  believe  it  or  not.     We 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          645 

had  a  war  a  little  while  ago  and  there  was  a  draft  made, 
and  there  was  many  a  good  Christian  hired  another  fel- 
low to  take  his  place,  hired  one  that  was  wicked,  hired 
a  sinner  to  go  to  hell  in  his  place  for  five  hundred  dollars! 
While  if  he  was  killed  he  would  go  to  heaven.  Think  of 
that.  Think  of  a  man  willing  to  do  that  for  five  hundred 
dollars!  I  tell  you  when  you  come  right  down  to  it  they 
have  got  too  much  heart  to  believe  it;  they  say  they  do, 
but  they  do  not  appreciate  it.  They  do  not  believe  it. 
They  would  go  crazy  if  they  did.  They  would  go-  insane. 
If  a  woman  believed  it,  looking  upon  her  little  dimpled 
darling  in  the  cradle,  and  said,  "Nineteen  chances  in 
twenty  I  am  raising  fuel  for  hell,"  she  would  go  crazy. 
They  don't  believe  it,  and  can't  believe  it.  The  old  doc- 
trine was  that  the  angels  in  heaven  would  become  happier 
as  they  looked  upon  those  in  hell.  That  is  not  the  doc- 
trine now;  we  have  civilized  it.  That  is  not  the  doctrine 
—what  is  the  doctrine  now?  The  doctrine  is  that  those 
in  heaven  can  look  upon  the  agonies  of  those  in  hell, 
whether  it  is  a  fire  or  whatever  it  is,  without  having  the 
happiness  of  those  in  heaven  decreased — that  is  the  doc- 
trine. 

That  is  preached  to-day  in  every  orthodox  pulpit  in 
Harrisburg.  Let  me  put  one  case  and  I  will  be  through 
with  this  branch  of  the  subject.  A  husband  and  wife 
love  each  other.  The  husband  is  a  good  fellow  and  the 
wife  a  splendid  woman.  They  live  and  love  each  other 
and  all  at  once  he  is  taken  sick,  and  they  watch  day  after 
day  and  night  after  night  around  his  bedside  until  their 
property  is  wasted  and  finally  she  has  to  go  to  work,  and 
she  works  through  eyes  blinded  with  tears,  and  the  senti- 
nel of  love  watches  at  the  bedside  of  her  prince,  and  at 


646  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

the  least  breath  or  the  least  motion  she  is  awake;  and 
she  attends  him  night  after  night  and  day  after  day  for 
years,  and  finally  he  dies,  and  she  has  him  in  her  arms 
and  covers  his  wasted  face  with  the  tears  of  agony  and 
love.  He  is  a  believer  and  she  is  not.  He  dies,  and  she 
buries  him  and  puts  flowers  above  his  grave,  and  she 
goes  there  in  the  twilight  of  evening  and  she  takes  her 
children,  and  tells  her  little  boys  and  girls  through  her 
tears  how  brave  and  how  true  and  how  tender  their 
father  was,  and  finally  she  dies  and  she  goes  to  hell,  be- 
cause she  was  not  a  believer;  and  he  goes  to  the  battle- 
ments of  heaven  and  looks  over  and  sees  the  woman  who 
loved  him  with  all  the  wealth  of  her  love,  and  whose 
tears  made  his  dead  face  holy  and  sacred,  and  he  looks 
upon  her  in  the  agonies  of  hell  without  having  his  happi- 
ness diminished  in  the  least. 

With  all  due  respect  to  everybody,  I  say,  damn  any 
such  doctrine  as  that.  It  is  infamous!  It  never  ought 
to  be  preached;  it  never  ought  to  be  believed.  We  ought 
to  be  true  to  our  hearts,  and  the  best  revelation  of  the 
infinite  is  the  human  heart. 

Now,  I  come  back  to  where  I  started  from.  They 
used  to  think  that  a  certain  day  was  too  good  for  a  child 
to  be  happy  in,  so  they  filled  the  imagination  of  this 
child  with  these  horrors  of  hell.  I  said,  and  I  say  again, 
no  day  can  be  so  sacred  but  that  the  laugh  of  a  child  will 
make  the  holiest  day  more  sacred  still.  Strike  with  hand 
of  fire,  oh,  weird  musician,  thy  harp,  strung  with  Apollo's 
golden  hair;  fill  the  vast  cathederal  aisles  with  symphonies 
sweet  and  dim,  deft  toucher  of  the  organ  keys;  blow 
bugler,  blow,  until  thy  silver  notes  do  touch  the  skies, 
with  moonlit  waves,  and  charm  the  lovers  wandering  on 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          647 

the  vine-clad  hills;  but  know,  your  sweetest  strains  are 
discords  all,  compared  with  childhood's  happy  laugh,  the 
laugh  that  fills  the  eyes  with  light  and  every  heart  with 
joy;  oh,  rippling  river  of  life,  thou  art  the  blessed  bound- 
ary-line between  the  beasts  and  man,  and  every  way- 
ward wave  of  thine  doth  drown  some  fiend  of  care;  oh, 
laughter,  divine  daughter  of  joy,  make  dimples  enough 
in  the  cheeks  of  the  world  to  catch  and  hold  and  glorify 
all  the  tears  of  grief. 

I  am  opposed  to  any  religion  that  makes  them  melon- 
choly,  that  makes  children  sad,  and  that  fills  the  human 
heart  with  shadow. 

Give  a  child  a  chance.  When  I  was  a  boy  we  always 
went  to  bed  when  we  were  not  sleepy,  and  we  always  got 
up  when  we  were  sleepy.  Let  a  child  commence  at 
which  end  of  the  day  th£y  please,  that  is  their  business; 
they  know  more  about  it  than  all  the  doctors  in  the  world. 
The  voice  of  nature  when  a  man  is  free,  is  the  voice  of 
right,  but  when  his  passions  have  been  damned  up  by 
custom,  the  moment  that  is  withdrawn,  he  rushes  to 
some  excess.  Let  him  be  free  from  the  first.  Let  your 
children  grow  in  the  free  air  and  they  will  fill  your  house 
with  perfume.  Do  not  create  a  child  to  be  a  post  set  in 
an  orthodox  row;  raise  investigators  and  thinkers,  not 
disciples  and  followers;  cultivate  reason,  not  faith;  culti- 
vate investigation,  not  superstition;  and  if  you  have  any 
doubt  yourself  about  a  thing  being  so,  tell  them  about  it; 
don't  tell  them  the  world  was  made  in  six  days — if  you 
think  six  days  means  six  good  whiles,  tell  them  six  good 
whiles.  If  you  have  any  doubts  about  anybody  being  in 
a  furnace  and  not  being  burnt,  or  even  getting  uncom- 
fortably warm,  tell  them  so — be  honest  about  it.  If  you 


648  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

look  upon  the  jaw-bone  of  a  donkey  as  not  a  good 
weapon,  say  so.  Give  a  child  a  chance.  If  you  think  a 
man  never  went  to  sea  in  a  fish,  tell  them  so,  it  won't 
make  them  any  worse.  Be  honest — that  is  all;  don't 
cram  their  heads  with  things  that  will  take  them  years 
and  years  to  unlearn;  tell  them  facts — it  is  just  as  easy. 
It  is  as  easy  to  find  out  botany,  and  astronomy,  and 
geology,  and  history — it  is  as  easy  to  find  out  all  these 
things  as  to  cram  their  minds  with  things  you  know 
nothing  about,  *  and  where  a  child  knows  what  the 
name  of  a  flower  is  when  it  sees  it,  the  name  of  a  bird 
and  all  those  things,  the  world  becomes  interesting  every- 
where, and  they  do  not  pass  by  the  flowers — they  are  not 
deaf  to  all  the  songs  of  birds,  simply  because  they  are 
walking  along  thinking  about  hell. 

I  tell  you,  this  is  a  pretty  good  world  if  we  only  love 
somebody  in  it,  if  we  only  make  somebody  happy,  if  we 
are  only  honor-bright  in  it,  if  we  have  no  fear.  That  is 
my  doctrine.  I  like  to  hear  children  at  the  table  telling 
what  big  things  they  have  seen  during  the  day;  I  like  to 
hear  their  merry  voices  mingling  with  the  clatter  of  knives 
and  forks.  I  had  rather  hear  that  than  any  opera  that 
was  ever  put  on  the  stage.  I  hate  this  idea  of  authority. 
I  hate  dignity.  I  never  saw  a  dignified  man  that  was  not 
after  all  an  old  idiot.  Dignity  is  a  mask;  a  dignified  man 
is  afraid  that  you  will  know  he  does  not  know  everything. 
A  man  of  sense  and  argument  is  always  willing  to  admit 
what  he  don't  know — why? — because  there  is  so  much 
that  he  does  know;  and  that  is  the  first  step  towards 

*  "  We  know  of  no  difference  between  matter  and  spirit,  because  we 
know  nothing  with  certainty  about  either.  Why  trouble  ourselves  about 
matters  of  which,  however  important  they  may  be  we  do  know  nothing 
and  can  know  nothing?  " — HUXLEY. 


INTELLECTUAL    DEVELOPMENT.  649 

learning  anything — willingness  to  admit  what  you  don't 
know  and  when  you  don't  understand  a  thing,  ask — no 
matter  how  small  and  silly  it  may  look  to  other  people 
—ask,  and  after  that  you  know.  A  man  never  is  in  a 
state  of  mind  that  he  can  learn  until  he  gets  that  dignified 
nonsense  out  of  him,  and  so,  I  say  let  us  treat  our  chil- 
dren with  perfect  kindness  and  tenderness. 

Now,  then,  I  believe  in  absolute  intellectual  liberty; 
that  a  man  has  a  right  to  think,  and  think  wrong,  pro- 
vided he  does  the  best  he  can  to  think  right — that  is  all. 
I  have  no  right  to  say  that  Mr.  Smith  shall  not  think; 
Mr.  Smith  has  no  right  to  say  I  shall  not  think;  I  have 
no  right  to  go  and  pull  a  clergyman  out  of  his  pulpit  and 
say:  "You  shall  not  preach  that  doctrine,"  but  I  have 
just  as  much  right  as  he  has  to  say  my  say.  I  have  no 
right  to  lie  about  a  clergyman,  and  with  great  modesty  I 
claim — and  with  some  timidity — that  he  has  no  right  to 
slander  me — that  is  all. 

I  claim  that  every  man  and  wife  are  equal,  except  that 
she  has  a  right  to  be  protected;  that  there  is  nothing  like 
the  democracy  of  the  home  and  the  republicism  of  the 
fire-side,  and  that  a  man  should  study  to  make  his  wife's 
life  one  perpetual  poem  of  joy;  that  there  should  be 
nothing  but  kindness  and  goodness;  and  then  I  say  that 
children  should  be  governed  by  love,  by  kindness,  by 
tenderness,  and  by  the  sympathy  of  love,  kindness  and 
tenderness.  That  is  the  religion  I  have  got,  and  it  is 
good  enough  for  me  whether  it  suits  anybody  else  in  the 
world  or  not.  I  think  it  is  altogether  more  important  to 
believe  in  my  wife  than  it  is  to  believe  in  the  master;  I 
think  it  is  altogether  more  important  to  love  my  children 
than  the  twelve  apostles — that  is  my  doctrine.  I  may  be 


650  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

wrong,  but  that  is  it.  I  think  more  of  the  living  than  I 
do  of  the  dead.  This  world  is  for  the  living.  The  grave 
is  not  a  throne,  and  a  corpse  is  not  a  king.  The  living 
have  a  right  to  control  this  world.  I  think  a  good  deal 
more  of  to-day  than  I  do  of  yesterday,  and  I  think  more 
of  to-morrow  than  I  do  of  this  day;  because  it  is  nearly 
gone — that  is  the  way  I  feel,  and  this  my  creed.  The 
time  to  be  happy  is  now;  the  way  to  be  happy  is  to  make 
somebody  else  happy;  and  the  place  to  be  happy  is  here. 
I  never  will  consent  to  drink  skim  milk  here  with  the 
promise  of  cream  somewhere  else. 

Now,  my  friends,  I  have  some  excuses  to  offer  for  the 
race  to  which  I  belong.  In  the  first  place,  this  world  is 
not  very  well  adapted  to  raising  good  people;  there  is  but 
one-quarter  of  it  land  to  start  with;  it  is  three  times  as 
well  adapted  to  fish-culture  as  it  is  to  man,  and  of  that 
one-quarter  there  is  but  a  small  belt  where  they  raise 
men  of  genius.  There  is  one-strip  from  which  all  the 
men  and  women  of  genius  come.  When  you  go  too  far 
north  you  find  no  brain;  when  you  go  too  far  south  you 
find  no  genius,  arid  there  never  has  been  a  high  degree  of 
civilization  except  where  there  is  winter.  I  say  that  win- 
ter is  the  father  and  mother  of  the  fireside,  the  family  of 
nations;  and  around  that  fireside  blossom  the  fruits  of  our 
race.  In  a  country  where  they  don't  need  any  bed-clothes 
except  the  clouds,  revolution  is  the  normal  condition- 
not  much  civilization  there.  When  in  the  winter  I  goby 
a  house  where  the  curtain  is  a  little  bit  drawn,  and  I  look 
in  there  and  see  children  poking  the  fire  and  wishing  they 
had  as  many  dollars  or  knives  or  something  else  as  there 
are  sparks;  when  I  see  the  old  man  smoking  and  the 
smoke  curling  above  his  head  like  incense  from  the  altar 
of  domestic  peace,  the  other  children  reading  or  doing 
something,  and  the  old  lady  with  her  needle  and  shears 
—I  never  pass  such  a  scene  that  I  do  not  feel  a  little 
ache  of  joy  in  rny  heart. 

Awhile    ago    they    were    talking  about  annexing  San 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          651 

Domingo.  They  said  it  was  the  finest  soil  in  the  world, 
and  so  on.  Says  I,  "It  don't  raise  the  right  kind  of  folks; 
you  take  five  thousand  of  the  best  people  in  the  world 
and  let  them  settle  there  and  you  will  see  the  second 
generation  barefooted,  with  the  hair  sticking  out  of  the 
top  of  their  sombreros;  you  will  see  them  riding  bare- 
backed, with  a  rooster  under  each  arm,  going  to  a  cock- 
fight on  Sunday.  That  is  one  excuse  I  have. 

Another  is,  I  think  we  came  from  the  lower  animals. 
I  am  not  dead  sure  of  it.  On  that  question  I  stand  about 
eight  to  seven.  If  there  is  nothing  of  the  snake,  or 
hyena,  or  jackal  in  man,  why  would  he  cut  his  brother's 
throat  for  a  difference  of  belief?  Why  would  he  build 
dungeons  and  burn  the  flesh  of  his  brother  man  with  red- 
hot  irons?  I  think  we  came  from  the  lower  animals. 
When  I  first  heard  that  doctrine  I  did  not  like  it.  I  felt 
sorry  for  our  English  friends,  who  would  have  to  trace 
their  pedigree  back  to  the  DuKe  of  Ourangoutang,  or  the 
Earl  of  Chimpanzee.  But  I  have  read  so  much  about 
rudimentary  bones  and  rudimentary  muscles  that  I  began 
to  doubt  about  it.  Says  I:  "What  do  you  mean  by 
rudimentary  muscles?"  They  say:  "  A  muscle  that  has 
gone  into  bankruptcy—  "Was  it  a  large  muscle?" 
"Yes."  "  What  did  our  forefathers  use  it  for?|"  They 
say:  "To  flap  their  ears  with."  After  I  found  that  out 
I  was  astonished  to  find  that  they  had  become  rudi- 
mentary; I  know  so  many  people  for  whom  it  would  be 
handy  to-day,  so  many  people  where  that  would  have 
been  on  an  exact  level  with  their  intellectual  develop- 
ment.  So  after  while  I  began  to  like  it,  and  says  I  to 
myself:  "  You  have  got  to  come  to  it."  I  thought  after 
all  I  had  rather  belong  to  a  race  of  people  that  came 
from  skullless  vertebrae  in  the  dim  Laurentian  period, 
that  wiggled  without  knowing  they  were  wiggling,  that 
began  to  develop  and  came  up  by  a  gradual  development 
until  they  struck  this  gentleman  in  the  dug-out;  coming 
up  slowly — up — up — up — until,  for  instance,  they  pro- 


652  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

duced  such  a  man  as  Shakespeare — he  who  harvested  all 
the  fields  of  dramatic  thought,  and  after  whom  all  others 
have  been  only  gleaners  of  straw,  he  who  found  the  hu- 
man intellect  dwelling  in  a  hut,  touched  it  with  the  wand 
of  his  genius  and  it  became  a  palace — producing  him  and 
and  hundreds  of  others  I  might  mention — with  the  angels 
of  progress  leaning  over  the  far  horizon  beckoning  this 
race  of  work  and  thought — I  had  rather  belong  to  a  race 
commencing  at  the  skullless  vertebrae  producing  the 
gentleman  in  the  dug-out  and  so  on  up,  than  to  have  de- 
scended from  a  perfect  pair  upon  which  the  Lord  has 
lost  money  from  that  day  to  this .  I  had  rather  belong 
to  a  race  that  is  going  up  than  to  one  that  is  going  down. 
I  would  rather  belong  to  one  that  commenced  at  the 
skullless  vertebrae  and  started  for  perfection,  than  to  be- 
long to  one  .that  started  from  perfection  and  started  for 
the  skullless  vertebrae. 

These  are  the  excuses  I  have  for  my  race*  and  taking 
everything  into  consideration,  I  think  we  have  done  ex- 
tremely well. 

Let  us  have  more  liberty  and  free  thought.  Free 
thought  will  give  us  truth.  It  is  too  early  in  the  history 
of  the  world  to  write  a  creed.  Our  fathers  were  intellect- 
"ual  slaves;  our  fathers  were  intellectual  serfs.  There 
never  has  been  a  free  generation  on  the  globe.  Every 
creed  you  have  got  bears  the  mark  of  whip,  and  chain, 
and  fagot.  There  has  been  no  creed  written  by  a  free 
brain.  Wait  until  we  have  had  two  or  three  generations 
of  liberty  and  it  will  then  be  time  enough  to  seize  the  swift 
horse  of  progress  by  the  bridle  and  say — thus  far  and  no 
farther;  and  in  the  meantime  let  us  be  kind  to  each  other; 
let  us  be  decent  towards  each  other.  We  are  all  travelers 
on  the  great  plain  we  call  life  and  there  is  nobody  quite  sure, 
what  road  to  take — not  just  dead  sure,  you  known.  There 
are  lots  of  guide-boards  on  the  plain  and  you  find  thousands 
of  people  swearingto-day  that  theirguide-board  isthe  only 
board  that  shows  the  right  direction.  I  go  and  talk  to  them 


INTELLECTUAL  DEVELOPMENT.          653 

and  they  say:  <  <  You  go  that  way,  or  you  will  be  damned. " 
I  go  to  another  and  they  say:  "  You  go  this  way,  or  you 
will  be  damned."  I  find  them  all  fighting  and  quarreling 
and  beating  each  other,  #nd  then  I  say:  "  Let  us  cut 
down  all  these  guide-boards."  "What,"  they  say, 
"leave  us  without  any  guide-boards?  "  I  say:"  Yes.  Let 
every  man  take  the  road  he  thinks  is  right;  and  let  every- 
body else  wish  him  a  happy  journey;  let  us  part  friends." 

I  say  to  you  to-night,  my  friends,  that  I  have  no 
malice  upon  this  subject — not  a  particle;  I  simply  wish 
to  express  my  thoughts.  The  world  has  grown  better 
just  in  proportion  as  it  is  happier;  the  world  has  grown 
better  just  in  proportion  as  it  has  lost  superstition;  the 
world  has  grown  better  just  in  the  proportion  that  the 
sacerdotal  class  has  lost  influence — just  exactly;  the 
the  world  has  grown  better  just  in  proportion  that  secular 
ideas  have  taken  possession  of  the  world.  The  world  has 
grown  better  just  in  proportion  that  it  has  ceased  talking 
about  the  visions  of  the  clouds,  and  talked  about  the 
realities  of  the  earth.  The  world  has  grown  better  just 
in  the  proportion  that  it  has  grown  free,  and  I  want  to  do 
what  little  I  can  in  my  feeble  way  to  add  another  flame 
to  the  torch  of  progress.  I  do  not  know,  of  course, 
what  will  come,  but  if  I  have  said  anything  to-night  that 
will  make  a  husband  love  his  wife  better,  I  am  satisfied; 
if  I  have  said  anything  that  will  make  a  wife  love  her 
husband  better,  I  am  satisfied;  if  I  have  said  anything  that 
wil)  add  one  more  ray  of  joy  to  life,  I  am  satisfied; 
if  I  have  said  anything  that  will  save  the  tender  flesh  of 
a  child  from  a  blow,  I  am  satisfied;  if  I  have  said  any- 
thing that  will  make  us  more  willing  to  extend  to  others 
the  right  we  claim  for  ourselves,  I  am  satisfied. 

I  do  not  know  what  inventions  are  in  the  brain  of  the 
future;  I  do  not  know  what  garments  of  glory  may  be 
woven  for  the  world  in  the  loom  of  the  years  to  be;  we 
are  just  on  the  edge  of  the  great  ocean  of  discovery.  I 
do  not  know  what  is  to  be  discovered;  I  do  not  know 


654  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

what  science  will  do  for  us.  I  do  know  that  science  did 
just  take  a  handful  of  sand  and  make  the  telescope,  and 
with  it  read  all  the  starry  leaves  of  heaven;  I  know  that 
science  took  the  thunderbolts  from  the  hands  of  Jupiter, 
and  now  the  electric  spark,  freighted  with  thought  and 
love,  flashes  under  waves  of  the  sea,  I  know  that  science 
stole  a  tear  from  the  cheek  of  unpaid  labor,  converted  it 
into  steam,  and  created  a  giant  that  turns  with  tireless 
arms  the'  countless  wheels  of  toil;  I  know  that  science 
broke  the  chains  from  human  limbs  and  gave  us  instead 
the  forces  of  nature  for  our  slaves;  I  know  that  we  have 
made  the  attraction  of  gravitation  work  for  us;  we  have 
made  the  lightnings  our  messengers;  we  have  taken  ad- 
vantage of  fire  and  flames  and  wind  and  sea;  these  slaves 
have  no  backs  to  be  whipped;  they  have  no  hearts  to  be 
lacerated;  they  have  no  children  to  be  stolen,  no  cradles 
to  be  violated.  I  know  that  science  has  given  us  better 
houses;  I  know  it  has  given  us  better  pictures  and  better 
books;  I  know  it  has  given  us  better  wives  and  better 
husbands,  and  more  beautiful  children,  I  know  it  has 
enriched  a  thousand-fold  our  lives;  and  for  that  reason  I 
am  in  favor  of  intellectual  liberty. 

I  know  not,  I  say,  what  discoveries  may  lead  the  world 
to  glory;  but  I  do  know  that  from  the  infinite  sea  of  the 
future  never  a  greater  or  grander  blessing  will  strike  this 
bank  and  shoal  of  time  than  liberty  for  man,  woman  and 
child. 

Ladies  and  gentlemen,  I  have  delivered  this  lecture  a 
great  many  times;  clergymen  have  attended,  and  editors 
of  religious  newspapers,  and  they  have  gone  away  and 
written  in  their  papers  and  declared  in  their  pulpits  that 
in  this  lecture  I  advocated  universal  adultery;  they  have 
gone  away  and  said  it  was  obscene  and  disgusting.  Be- 
tween me  and  my  clerical  maligners,  between  me  and 
my  religious  slanderers,  I  leave  you,  ladies  and  gentle- 
men, to  judge. 


LNGERSOLL'S  LECTURE 

— ON— 

HUMAN  RIGHTS. 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN:  I  suppose  that  man,  from 
the  most  grotesque  savage  up  to  Heckle,  has  had  a  phi- 
losophy by  which  he  endeavored  to  account  for  all  the 
phenomena  of  nature  he  may  have  observed.  From 
that  mankind  may  have  got  their  ideas  of  right  and 
wrong.  Now,  where  there  are  no  rights  there  can  be  po 
duties.  Let  us  always  remember  that  only  as  a  man  be- 
comes free  can  he  by  any  possibility  become  good  or 
great.  As  I  said,  every  savage  has  had  his  philosophy,  and 
by  it  accounted  for  everything  he  observed.  He  had  an 
idea  of  rain  and  rainbow,  and  he  had  an  idea  of  a  con- 
trolling power.  One  said  there  is  a  being  who  presides 
over  our  world,  and  who  will  destroy  us  unless  we  do 
right.  Others  had  many  of  these  beings,  but  they  were 
invariably  like  themselves.  The  most  fruitful  imagination 
cannot  make  more  than  a  man,  though  it  may  make  in- 
finite powers  and  attributes  out  of  the  powers  and  attri- 


656  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

butes  of  man.  You  can't  build  a  God  unless  you  start 
with  a  human  being.  The  savage  said,  when  there  was 
a  storm,  "  Somebody  is  angry."  When  lightning  leaped 
from  the  lurid  cloud,  he  thought,  "What  have  I  been 
doing?"  and  when  he  couldn't  think  of  any  wrong  he  had 
been  doing,  he  tried  to  think  of  some  wrong  his  neighbor 
had  been  doing. 

I  may  as  well  state  here  that  I  believe  man  has  come 
up  from  the  lowest  orders  of  creation,  and  may  have  not 
come  up  very  far;  still,  I  believe  we  are  doing  very  well, 
considering. 

But,  speaking  of  man's  early  philosophy,  his  morality 
was  founded  first  on  self-defense.  When  gathered  to- 
gether in  tribes,  he  held  that  this  infinite  being  would 
hold  the  tribe  responsible  for  the  actions  of  any  individual 
who  had  angered  him.  They  imagined  this  being  got 
angry.  Just  imagine  the  serenity  of  an  infinite  being 
being  disturbed,  and  a  God  breaking  into  a  passion  be- 
cause some  poor  wretch  had  neglected  to  bring  two  tur- 
tle doves  to  a  priest  ! 

Then  they  sought  out  this  poor  offending  individual,  to 
punish  him  and  appease  the  wroth  of  this  being.  And 
here  commenced  religious  persecution. 

Now,  I  do  not  say  there  is  no  God,  but  what  I  do  say 
is  that  I  do  not  know.  The  only  difference  between  me 
and  the  theologian  is  that  I  am  honest.  There  may  or 
there  may  not  be  an  infinite  being,  but  I  do  not  know  it, 
and  until  I  do  I  cannot  conceive  of  any  obedience  I  owe 
to  any  unknown  being. 

As  soon  as  men  began  to  imagine  they  would  be  held 
responsible  for  the  act  of  any  other  person,  came  the 
necessity  for  some  one  to  teach  them  how  to  keep  from 


HUMAN    RIGHTS.  657 

offending  the  being.  Some  called  him  medicine  man, 
some  called  him  priest;  now,  we  call  him  theologian. 
These  men  set  out  to  teach  men  how  to  keep  from  of- 
fending this  being,  and  they  laid  down  certain  laws  to 
regulate  the  conduct  of  men.  First  of  all  it  was  neces- 
sary to  believe  in  this  power.  To  disbelieve  in  him  was 
the  worst  offense  of  all.  To  have  some  human  being, 
dressed  in  the  skin  of  a  wild  beast,  deny  the  existence  of 
this  infinite  being,  was  more  than  the  infinite  being  could 
stand.  The  first  thing,  therefore,  was  to  believe  in  this 
power,  the  next  to  support  this  gentleman  standing  be- 
tween you  and  the  supreme  wrath.  These  gentlemen 
were  the  lobbyists  with  the  power,  and  sometimes  suc- 
ceeded in  getting  the  veto  used  in  favor  of  their  clients. 

For  ages,  as  mankind  slowly  came  through  the  savage 
state,  the  world  was  filled  with  infinite  fear.  They  ac- 
counted for  everything  bad  that  happened  as  the  wrath 
of  this  supreme  being.  But  they  went  from  savagery  to 
barbarism — a  step  in  improvement — and  then  began  to 
build  temples  to,  and  make  images  of,  this  being.  Then 
man  began  to  believe  he  could  influence  this  being  by 
prayer,  by  getting  on  his  knees  to  the  image  he  had  made. 

Nothing,  I  suppose  astonishes  a  missionary  more  than 
to  see  a  savage  in  Central  Africa  on  his  knees  before  a 
stone  praying  for  luck  in  hunting  or  in  fighting.  And 
yet  it  strikes  me — we  have  our  army  chaplains  before  a 
battle  praying  for  the  success  of  our  side.  They  don't 
pray  for  assistance  if  our  cause  is  just,  but  they  pray, 
"  Lord  help  us. !  "  I  can't  see  the  difference  between  the 
two. 

But  there  is  this  said  in  favor  of  prayer  that,  whether 
successful  or  not,  it  is  a  sort  of  intellectual  exercise. 


658  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Like  a  man  trying  to  lift  himself,  he  may  not  succeed, 
but  he  gets  a  good  deal  of  exercise. 

But  as  man  proceeds,  he  begins  to  help  himself  and  to 
take  advantage  of  mechanical  powers  to  assist  him,  and 
he  begins  to  see  he  can  help  himself  a  little,  and  exactly 
in  the  proportion  he  helps  himself  he  comes  to  rely  less 
on  the  power  of  priest  or  prayer  to  help  him.  Just  to 
the  extent  we  are  helpless,  to  that  extent  do  we  rely  upon 
the  unknown. 

As  religion  developed  itself,  keeping  pace  with  the  be- 
lief in  theology,  came  the  belief  in  demonoiogy.  They 
gave  one  being  all  the  credit  of  doing  all  the  good  things, 
and  must  give  some  one  credit  for  the  bad  things,  and  so 
they  created  a  devil.  At  one  time  it  was  as  disreputable 
to  deny  the  existence  of  a  devilas  to  deny  the  existence 
of  a  God;  to  deny  the  existence  of  a  hell,  with  its  fire 
and  brimstone,  as  to  deny  the  existence  of  a  heaven  with 
its  harp  and  love. 

With  the  development  of  religion  came  the  idea  that 
no  man  should  be  allowed  to  bring  the  wrath  of  God  on 
a  nation  by  his  transgressions,  and  this  idea  permeates 
the  Christian  world  to-day.  Now  what  does  this  prove  ? 
Simply  that  our  religion  is  founded  on  fear,  and  when 
you  are  afraid  you  cannot  think.  Fear  drops  on  its 
knees  and  believes.  It  is  only  courage  that  can  think. 

It  was  the  idea  that  man's  actions  could  do  something, 
outside  of  any  effect  his  mechanical  works  might  have, 
to  change  the  order  of  nature;  that  he  might  commit 
some  offense  to  bring  on  an  earthquake,  but  he  can't  do 
it.  You  can't  be  bad  enough  to  cause  an  earthquake; 
neither  can  you  be  good  enough  to  stop  one.  Out  of  that 
wretched  doctrine  and  infamous  mistake  that  man's  be- 


HUMAN    RIGHTS.  659 

lief  could  have1  any  effect  upon  nature  grew  all  these  in- 
quisitions, racks  and  collars  of  torture,  and  all  the  blood 
that  was  ever  shed  by  religious  persecution. 

In  Europe  the  country  was  divided  between  kings  and 
priests.  The  king  held  that  he  got  the  power  from  the 
unknown;  so  did  the  priests.  They  could  not  say  that 
they  got  it  from  the  people;  the  people  would  deny  it; 
the  unknown  could  not  deny  it.  And  thus  the  altar  and 
throne  stand  side  by  side.  And  republicanism  was  a 
thing  unknown. 

It  has  been  said  that  the  pilgrim  fathers  came  to  this 
country  to  establish  religious  liberty.  They  did  no  such 
thing.  They  were  not  in  favor  of  it.  They  came  with 
the  Testament  in  their  hands,  and  with  it  they  could 
have  no  idea  of  religious  liberty.  When  they  had  estab- 
lished thirteen  colonies  here,  and  had  struggled  for  and 
obtained  their  independence,  they  established  federal 
government,  but  did  they  seek  after  religious  liberty? 
No !  When  they  formed  a  federal  government  each 
church  and  each  colony  was  jealous  of  the  other.  They 
said  to  the  general  government,  ' '  You  can't  have  any 
religion  in  the  constitution,"  but  each  state  could  make 
its  own  religion,  and  they  made  them. 

Here  the  speaker  read  copious  extracts  from  the  stat- 
utes of  the  different  states  in  reference  to  the  qualifica- 
tions for  the  exercise  of  citizenship — the  religious  belief 
necessary;  and,  on  concluding,  asked,  "Had  they  (the 
members  who  drew  up  these  state  constitutions). any  idea 
of  religious  liberty  ?  " 

Continuing,  he  said:  Now,  my  friends,  there's  a  party 
started  in  this  country  with  the  object  of  giving  every 
man,  woman  and  child  the  rights  they  are  entitled  to. 


66o  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Now  every  one  of  us  has  the  same  rights.  I  have  the 
right  to  labor  and  to  have  the  products  of  my  labor.  I 
have  the  right  to  think,  and  furthermore,  to  express  my 
thoughts,  because  expression  is  the  reward  of  my  intel- 
lectual labor.  And  yet  in  the  United  States  there  are 
states  where  men  of  my  ideas  would  not  be  allowed  to 
testify  in  a  court  of  justice.  Is  that  right  ?  There  are 
states  in  this  country  where,  if  the  law  had  been  en- 
forced, I  would  have  been  sent  to  the  penitentiary  for 
lecturing.  All  such  laws  are  enacted  by  barbarians,  and 
our  country  will  not  be  free  until  they  are  wiped  from  the 
statute  books  of  every  state. 

Does  an  infinite  being  need  to  be  protected  by  a  State 
Legislature  ?  If  the  bible  is  inspired,  does  the  author  of 
it  need  the  support  of  the  law  to  command  respect  ?  We 
don't  need  any  law  to  make  mankind  respect  Shakes- 
peare. We  come  to  the  altar  of  that  great  man  and 
cover  it  with  our  gratitude  without  a  statute .  Think  of 
a  law  to  govern  tastes  !  Think  of  a  law  to  govern  mind, 
or  any  question  whatever  !  Think  of  the  way  in  which 
they  have  supported  the  bible  !  They've  terrorized  the 
old  with  laws,  and  captured  the  dear,  little  innocent 
children  and  poisoned  their  minds  with  their  false  stories 
until,  when  they  have  reached  the  age  of  manhood,  they 
have  been  afraid  to  think  for  themselves.  Let  us  see 
what  the  laws  are  now  by  which  they  guard  their  bible 
and  their  God. 

[Here  the  speaker  read  extracts  from  the  statutes  of 
several  states  in  reference  to  blasphemy  and  profanation 
of  the  Sabbath,  commenting  on  each  as  he  ran  them 
through.]  Pursuing  the  thread  of  his  discourse,  he  said: 
Every  American  should  see  to  it  that  all  these  laws  are 
done  away  with  once  and  forever. 


HUMAN    RIGHTS.  66 1 

There  has  been  a  reaction  of  late  years.  This  country 
has  begun  to  be  prosperous.  We  don't  think  much  of  re- 
ligion; 'tis  only  when  hard  times  come  we  turn  our  at- 
tention toward  it.  There  are  people  in  this  country  who 
say  we  are  getting  too  irreligious,  too  scientific.  Now, 
is  it  not  a  fact  that  we  are  happier  to-day  than  at  any 
period  in  our  history  ?  You  live  in  a  great  country, 
though  perhaps  you  do  not  know  it.  But  live  in  any 
other  country  for  a  while,  and  you'll  find  it  out.  See, 
then,  what  we've  got  by  looking  a  little  to  the  affairs  of 
the  world  ! 

The  bible  can't  stand  to-day  without  the  support  of  the 
civil  power.  No  religion  ever  flourished  except  by  the 
support  of  the  sword,  and  no  religion  like  this  could  have 
been  established  except  by  brute  force. 

At  one  time  we  thought  a  great  deal  of  clergymen, 
but  now  we  have  got  to  thinking  they  ain't  of  as  much 
importance  as  a  man  that  has  invented  something.  The 
church  seeing  this  has  made  up  its  mind  that  it  is  neces- 
sary to  do  something,  and  so  got  up  a  plan  to  be  ac- 
knowledged by  law.  Here's  what  they  wish  to  do:  [Here 
the  speaker  read  some  extracts  from  the  constitution  of 
the  National  Reform  Association.]  Continuing  he  said: 

Our  fathers,  in  1776,  building  better  than  they  knew, 
retired  the  gods  from  politics.  I  do  not  believe  Jesus 
Christ  is  the  ruler  of  nations.  If  he  is  the  ruler  of  one 
he  is  the  ruler  of  all.  Why  does  he  not  then  rule  one  as 
well  as  another  ?  If  you  give  him  credit  for  the  good 
things  of  one  you  must  denounce  him  for  the  tyranny  and 
despotism  of  others.  The  revealed  word  of  God  is  not 
the  standing  of  civil  justice  in  this  country  !  The  bible 
is  not  the  standard  of  right  and  wrong  or  of  decency  in 
this  country. 


662  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

You  can't  put  God  in  the  constitution,  because  if  you 
do  there  would  be  no  room  for  the  folks.  Whatever  you 
put  in  the  constitution  you  must  enforce  by  the  sword, 
and  you  can't  go  to  war  with  any  man  for  not  believing 
in  your  God.  God  has  no  business  there,  and  any  man 
that  is  in  favor  of  putting  him  there  is  an  enemy  to  the 
interests  of  American  institutions. 

Now  for  the  purpose  of  preventing  the  name  of  God 
being  put  in  the  constitution,  there's  another  little  party 
has  been  started  and  these  are  its  doctrines:  We  want  an 
absolute  divorce  between  church  and  state.  We  demand 
that  church  property  should  not  be  exempt  from  taxation. 
If  you  are  going  to  exempt  anything,  exempt  the  home- 
steads of  the  poor.  Don't  exempt  a  rich  corporation, 
and  make  men  pay  taxes  to  support  a  religion  in  which 
they  do  not  believe.  But  they  say  churches  do  good.  I 
don't  know  whether  they  do  or  not.  Do  you  see  such  a 
wonderful  difference  between  a  member  ot  a  church  and 
the  man  who  does  not  believe  in  it  ?  Do  church  mem- 
bers pay  their  debts  any  better  than  any  others  ?  Do 
they  treat  their  families  any  better  ?  Did  you  ever  hear 
of  any  man  coming  into  a  town  broke  and  inquire  where 
the  deacon  of  a  Presbyterian  church  lived  ?  Has  not  the 
church  opposed  every  science  from  the  first  ray  of  light 
until  now  ?  Didn't  they  damn  into  eternal  flames 
the  man  who  discovered  the  world  was  round  ? 
Didn't  they  damn  into  eternal  flames  the  man 
who  discovered  the  movement  of  the  earth  in  its 
orbit  ?  Didn't  they  persecute  the  astronomers  ?  Didn't 
they  even  try  to  put  down  life  insurance  by  saying  it  was 
sinful  to  bet  on  the  time  God  has  given  you  to  live  ? 
Science  built  the  Academy,  superstition  the  Inquisition. 
Science  constructed  the  telescope,  religion  the  rack; 
science  made  us  happy  here,  -and  says  if  there's  another 


HUMAN    RIGHTS.  663 

life  we'll  all  stand  an  equal  chance  there;  religion  made 
us  miserable  here,  and  says  a  large  majority  will  be  eter- 
nally miserable  there.  Should  we,  therefore,  exempt  it 
from  taxation  for  any  good  it  has  done  ? 

The  next  thing  we  ask  is  a  perfect  divorce  between 
church  and  school.  We  say  that  every  school  should  be 
secular,  because  its  just  to  everybody.  If  I  was  an 
Israelite  I  wouldn't  want  to  be  taxed  to  have  my  children 
taught  that  his  ancestors  had  murdered  a  supreme  being. 
Let  us  teach,  not  the  doctrines  of  the  past,  but  the  dis- 
coveries of  the  present;  not  the  five  points  of  Calvinism, 
but  geology  and  geography.  Education  is  the  lever  to 
raise  mankind,  and  superstition  is  the  enemy  of  intelli- 
gence. 

We  demand,  next,  that  woman  shall  be  put  upon  an 
equality  with  man.  Why  not  ?  Why  shouldn't  men  be 
decent  enough  in  the  management  of  the  politics  of  the 
country  for  women  to  mingle  with  them  ?  It  is  an  out- 
rage that  anyone  should  live  in  this  country  for  sixty  or 
seventy  years  and  be  forced  to  obey  the  laws  without 
having  any  voice  in  making  them.  Let  us  give  woman 
the  opportunity  to  care  for  herself,  since  men  are  not  de- 
cent enough  to  seek  to  care  for  her.  The  time  will  come 
when  we'll  treat  a  woman  that  works  and  takes  care  of 
two  or  three  children  as  well  as  a  woman  dressed  in  dia- 
monds who  does  nothing.  The  time  will  come  when 
we'll  not  tell  our  domestic  we  expect  to  meet  her  in 
heaven,  and  yet  not  be  willing  to  have  her  speak  to  us  in 
the  drawing  room. 

Ignorance  is  a  poor  pedestal  to  set  virtue  upon  and 
mock-modesty  should  not  have  the  right  to  prevent  peo- 
ple from  knowing  themselves.  Every  child  has  a  right 


664  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

to  be  well-born,  and  ignorance  has  no  right  to  people  the 
world  with  scrofula  and  consumption.  When  we  come 
to  the  conclusion  that  God  is  not  taking  care  of  us  and 
that  we  have  to  take  care  of  ourselves,  then  we'll  begin 
to  have  something  in  the  world  worth  living  for. 

I  would  wish  there  was  seated  upon  the  throne  of  the 
universe  one  who  would  see  to  it  that  justice  did  always 
prevail.  I  do  not  propose  to  give  up  the  little  world  I 
live  in  for  the  unknown. 

I  would  wish  that  the  friends  who  bid  us  "good  night" 
in  this  world  might  meet  us  with  "good  morning"  there. 
Just  as  long  as  we  love  one  another  we'll  hope  for  another 
world;  just  as  long  as  love  kisses  the  lips  of  death  will 
we  believe  and  hope  for  a  future  reunion.  I  wonld  not 
take  one  hope  away  from  the  human  heart  or  one  joy 
from  the  human  soul,  but  I  hold  in  contempt  the  gentle- 
men who  keep  heaven  on  sale;  I  look  with  contempt  on 
him  who  keeps  it  on  draught;  I  look  with  pitying  con- 
tempt on  him  who  endeavors  to  prohibit  honest  thought 
by  promising  a  reward  in  another  world.  If  there  is  an- 
other world  we'll  find  when  we  come  there  that  no  one  has 
done  enough  good  to  be  eternally  rewarded,  no  one  has 
done  enough  harm  to  meet  with  an  unending,  eternal 
pain  and  agony.  We'll  find  that  there  is  no  being  that 
ever  hindered  a  man  from  exercising  his  •  reason.  Now, 
whije  we  are  here,  no  matter  what  happens  to  us  here- 
after, let  us  cultivate  strength  of  heart  and  brain  to  stand 
the  inevitable.  No  creed  can  help  you  there .  When 
the  heart  is  touched  with  agony  nothing  but  time  can 
heal  it. 

I  want,  if  I  can,  to  do  a  little  to  increase  the  rights  of 
men,  to  put  every  human  being  on  an  equality,  to  sweep 


HUMAN    RIGHTS.  665 

away  the  clouds  of  superstition,  to  make  people  think 
more  of  what  happens  to-day  than  what  somebody  said 
happened  3,000  years  ago.  This  is  all  I  want:  To  do 
what  little  I  can  to  clutch  one-seventh  of  our  time  from 
superstition,  to  give  our  Sundays  to  rest  and  recreation. 
I  want  a  day  of  enjoyment,  a  day  to  read  old  books,  to 
meet  old  friends,  and  get  acquainted  with  one's  wife  and 
children.  I  want  a  day  to  gather  strength  to  meet  the 
toils  of  the  next.  I  want  to  get  that  day  away  from  the 
church,  away  from  superstition  and  the  contemplation  of 
hell,  to  be  the  best  and  sweetest  and  brightest  of  all  the 
days  in  the  week.  The  best  way  to  make  a  day  sacred 
is  to  fill  it  up  with  useful  labor.  That  day  is  best  on 
which  most  good  is  done  for  the  human  race.  I  hope  to 
see  the  time  when  we'll  have  a  day  for  the  opera,  the 
play — good  plays — for  they  do  good.  You  never  saw  the 
villain  foiled  in  a  play  where  the  audience  did  not  ap- 
plaud. You  never  saw  them  applaud  when  the  rascal 
was  successful  in  his  villainy.  If  you  could  go  to  a  theater 
and  see  put  upon  the  stage  the  scenes  of  the  old  testa- 
ment, with  its  butcheries  and  rapes  and  deeds  of  vio- 
lence, you  would  detest  it  all  the  days  of  your  life.  I'd 
like  to  have  every  horror  of  the  old  testament  set  on  this 
stage,  to  have  somebody  represent  the  being  as  he  is  rep- 
resented there,  giving  his  brutal  orders,  and  let  the  or- 
thodox see  their  God  as  he  really  is. 

I  want  to  have  us  all  do  what  little  we  can  to  secular- 
ize this  government — take  it  from  the  control  of  savagery 
and  give  it  to  science,  take  it  from  the  government  of  the 
past  and  give  it  to  the  enlightened  present,  and  in  this 
government  let  us  uphold  every  man  and  woman  in  their 
rights,  that  everyone,  after  he  or  she  comes  to  the  age 


666 


INGERSOLLS    LECTURES. 


of  discretion^  may  have  a  voice  in  the  affairs  of  the  nation. 
Do  this,  and  we'll  grow  in  grandeur  and  splendor  every 
day,  and  the  time  will  come  when  every  man  and  every 
woman  shall  have  the  same  rights  as  every  other  man 
and  every  other  woman  has.  I  believe  we  are  growing 
better.  I  don't  believe  the  wail  of  want  shall  be  heard 
forever;  that  the  prison  and  the  gallows  will  always  curse 
the  ground.  The  time  will  come  when  liberty  and  law 
and  love,  like  the  rings  of  Saturn,  will  surround  the 
world;  when  the  world  will  cease  making  these  mistakes; 
when  every  man  will  be  judged  according  to  his  worth 
and  intelligence.  I  want  to  do  all  I  can  to  hasten  that 
day. 


INGERSOLL'S    LECTURE 


-ON — 


TALMAGIAN   THEOLOGY. 


(SECOND    LECTURE.) 

Col.  Ingersoll  began,  4<  Only  a  few  years  ago  the  pul- 
pit was  almost  supreme.  The  palace  was  almost  in  the 
shadow  of  the  cathedral,  and  the  power  behind  every 
throne  was  a  priest.  Man  was  held  in  physical  slavery 
by  kings,  and  in  a  mental  prison  by  the  church.  He  was 
allowed  to  hold  no  opinions  as  to  where  he  came  from, 
nor  as  to  where  he  was  going.  It  was  sufficient  for  him 
to  do  the  labor  and  believe  the  kings  would  do  the  gov- 
erning and  the  priests  the  thinking — and,  my  God,  what 
thinking  !  If  the  world  had  obeyed  the  priests  we  would 
all  be  idiots  to-night.  The  eagle  of  intellect  would  have 
given  way  to  the  blind  bat  of  faith.  They  were  the  rack, 
the  faggot,  the  thumbscrew  in  this  world,  and  hell  in  the 
next.  Only  a  few  years  ago  no  man  could  express  an 
honest  thought  unless  he  agreed  with  the  church.  The 

667 


668  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

church  has  been  a  perpetual  beggar.  It  has  never  plowed, 
it  never  sowed,  it  never  spun,  yet  Solomon  in  all  his 
glory  was  not  so  arrayed. .  Thanks  to  modern  thought, 
the  brain  of  the  nineteenth  century,  to  Voltaire,  Paine, 
Hume,  to  all  the  free  men,  that  beggar — the  church — is 
no  longer  upon  horseback;  and  it  fills  me  with  joy  to 
state  that  even  its  walking  is  not  now  good.  Only  a  little 
while  ago  a  priest  was  thought  more  than  human.  No- 
body dared  contradict  the  minister.  Now  there  are  other 
learned  professions.  There  are  doctors,  lawyers,  writ- 
ers, books,  newspapers,  and  the  priest  has  hundreds  of 
rivals. 

The  priest  grew  jealous,  hateful;  he  was  always  thank- 
ful for  an  epidemic  or  pestilence,  so  that  people  would 
turn  to  him  in  despair.  In  our  country  all  the  men  of 
intellect  were  in  the  pulpit  once.  Now  there  are  so  many 
avenues  to  distinction  the  men  of  brain,  heart  and  red 
blood  have  left  the  pulpit  and  gone  to  useful  things.  I  do 
not  say  all.  There  are  still  some  men  of  mind  in  the  pulpit, 
but  they  are  nearer  infidels  than  any  others.  Where  do 
we  get  our  ministers  ?  A  young  man,  without  constitu- 
tion enough  to  be  wicked,  without  health  enough  to  enjoy 
the  things  of  this  world,  naturally  fixes  his  gaze  on  high. 
He  is  educated,  sent  to  a  university  where  he  is  taught 
that  it  is  criminal  to  think.  Stuffed  with  a  creed,  he 
comes  out  a  shepherd.  Most  of  them  are  intellectual 
shreds  and  patches,  mental  ravelings,  selvage.  Every 
pulpit  is  a  pillory  in  which  stands  a  convict;  every  mem- 
ber of  the  church  stands  over  him  with  a  club,  called  a 
creed.  He  is  an  intellectual  slave,  and  dare  not  preach 
his  honest  thought.  There  are  thousands  of  good  men 
in  the  pulpit,  honest  men.  I  am  simply  describing  the 


TALMAGIAN  THEOLOGY.  669 

average  shepherd;  they  tell  me  "they've  been  called," 
that  Almighty  God  selected  them.  He  looked  all  over 
the  world  and  said:  '  Now,  there's  a  man  I  want  ! '  And 
what  selections  !  Shakespeare  was  not  called.  Yet  he 
has  done  more  for  this  world  than  all  the  ministers  who 
have  ever  lived  in  it.  Beethoven  !  He  was  not  called. 
Raphael  was  not  called.  He  was  all  an  accident.  All 
the  inventors,  discoverers,  poets — God  never  called  one 
of  them;  he  turned  his  attention  to  popes,  cardinals, 
priests,  exhorters;  and  what  selections  he  has  made  ! 
It's  astonishing. 

In  the  United  States  a  great  many  ministers  have  been 
good  enough  to  take  me  for  a  text.  Among  others  the 
Rev.  Mr.  Talmage,  of  Brooklyn.  I  have  nothing  to  say 
about  his  reputation.  It  has  nothing  to  do  with  the 
question.  Some  ministers  think  he  has  more  gesticulation 
than  grace.  Some  call  him  a  pious  pantaloon,  a  Chris- 
tian clown;  but  such  remarks,  I  think,  are  born  of  envy. 
He  is  the  only  Presbyterian  minister  in  the  United  States 
who  can  draw  an  audience.  He  stands  at  the  head  of 
the  denomination,  and  I  answer  him .  He's  a  strange 
man.  I  believe  he's  orthodox,  or  intellectual  pride  would 
prevent  his  saying  these  things.  He  believes  in  a  literal 
resurrection  of  the  dead;  that  we  shall  see  countless 
bones  flying  through  the  air.  He  has  some  charges 
against  me,  and  he  has  denied  some  of  my  statements. 
He  has  produced  what  he  calls  arguments,  and  I  am  go- 
ing to  answer  some  of  the  charges.  Next  Sunday  after- 
noon, at  2  o'clock;  in  this  place,  I  shall  have  a  matinee, 
and  answer  his  arguments. 

He  says  I  am  the  champion  blasphemer.  What  is  blas- 
phemy ?  To  contradict  a  priest  ?  to  have  a  mind  of  your 


670  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

own  ?  Whoever  takes  a  step  in  advance  is  a  blasphemer. 
Blasphemy  is  what  a  last  year's  leaf  says  to  a  this  year's 
bud.  To  deny  that  Mohammed  is  the  prophet  of  God  is 
not  blasphemy  in  New  York.  It  is  in  Constantinople. 
It  is  a  question,  then,  largely  of  Geography.  It  depends 
on  where  you  are.  The  missionary  who  laughs  at  a  mod- 
ern God  is  a  blasphemer.  In  a  Catholic  country  whoever 
says  Mary  is  not  the  mother  of  God  is  a  blasphemer.  In 
a  Protestant  country  to  say  she  is  the  mother  of  God  is 
blasphemy.  Everything  has  been  blasphemy.  My  doctrine 
is  this:  He  is  a  blasphemer  who  refuses  to  tell  his  hon- 
est thought;  who  is  not  true  to  himself;  who  enslaves  his 
fellow  man ;  who  charges  that  God  was  once  in  favor  of 
slavery.  If  there  is  any  God,  that  man  is  a  blasphemer. 
They're  afraid  we'll  injure  God.  How  ?  Is  infinite  good- 
ness and  mercy  to  become  livid  with  wrath  because  a 
finite  being  expresses  an  opinion  ?  I  cannot  help  the 
infinite.  That  man  only  is  the  good  man  who  helps  his 
fellow  man.  I  know  men  who  would  do  anything  for 
God,  who  doesn't  need  it,  but  nothing  for  men,  who  do 
need  it.  Why  should  God  be  so  particular  about  my  be- 
lieving his  book  ?  It's  no  more  his  work  than  the  stars 
of  gravitation.  Yet  I  may  declare  that  the  earth  is  flat, 
and  he'll  not  damn  me  for  that.  But  if  I  make  a  mistake 
about  that  book  I'm  gone.  I  can  blaspheme  the  multi- 
plication table  and  deny  the  power  of  the  wedge — in 
fact,  the  less  I  know  the  better  my  chance  will  be.  I 
say  that  book  is  not  inspired,  and  there  is  no  infinitely 
good  God  who  will  damn  one  human  soul.  At  the  judg- 
ment, if  I  am  mistaken  I  own  up — I  am  here,  I  do  not 
know  where  I  came  from,  nor  where  I  am  going — I'll  be 
honest  about  it.  I  am  on  a  ship  and  not  on  speaking 


TALMAGIAN  THEOLOGY.  671 

terms  with  the  captain,  but  I  propose  to  have  a  happy 
voyage,  and  the  best  way  is  to  do  what  vou  can  to  make 
your  fellow  passengers  happy.  If  we  run  into  a  good 
port,  I'll  be  as  happy  an  angel  as  you'll  meet  that  day. 

Blasphemy  is  the  cry  of  a  defeated  priest — the  black 
flag  of  theology — it  shows  where  argument  stops  and 
slander  and  persecution  begin.  I  am  told  by  Mr.  Tal- 
mage  that  whoever  contradicts  this  word  is  a  fool,  a 
howling  wolf,  one  of  the  assassins  of  God.  I  presume 
the  gentleman  is  honest.  Take  Mr.  Talmage,  now,  he 
is  a  good  man.  Mr.  Humboldt,  he  was  another  good 
man.  What  Humboldt  knew  and  what  Talmage  didn't 
know  would  make  a  library. 

The  next  charge  is  that  I  have  said  the  universe  was 
made  of  nothing,  according  to  the  bible.  False  in  one 
thing,  false  in  all,  he  says.  Think  of  that  rule.  Let  us 
apply  that  to  him.  If  the  world  was  created,  what  was 
it  make  of  ?  and  who  made  that  ?  If  the  Lord  created  it, 
what  did  He  make  it  of  ?  Nothing.  That's  all  He  had. 
No  sides,  no  top,  nothing.  Yet  God  had  lived  there  for- 
ever. What  did  He  think  about  ?  What  did  He  do  ? 
Nothing.  Nothing  had  ever  happened.  All  at  once  He 
made  something.  What  did  He  make  it  of  ?  Mr.  Tal- 
mage explains.  He  says  if  I  knew  anything  I  would 
know  that  God  made  this  world  out  of  His  omnipotence. 
He  might  just  as  well  made  it  out  of  His  memory.  What 
is  omnipotence  ?  Is  it  a  raw  material  ?  The  weakest 
man  in  the  world  can  lift  as  much  nothing  as  God.  Yet 
He  made  this  world  out  of  His  omnipotence.  It  is  so 
stated  by  a  doctor  of  divinity,  and  I  should  think  such 
divinity  would  need  a  doctor  !  I  don't  believe  this.  I 
believe  this  universe  has  existed  throughout  all  eternity 


672  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

— everything.  All  that  is,  is  God.  I  do  not  give  to  that 
universe  a  personality  that  wants  man  to  get  his  knees 
into  dust  and  his  fingers  in  holy  water;  that  wants  some- 
body to  ring  a  bell  or  eat  a  wafer.  I  am  a  part  of  this 
universe,  and  I  believe  all  there  is,  is  all  the  God  there 
is.  I  may  be  mistaken;  I  don't  know.  I  just  give  my 
best  opinion.  If  there's  any  heaven,  I'll  give  it  there. 
But  there'll  be  no  discussion  in  heaven.  Hell  is  the  only 
place  where  mental  improvement  will  be  possible. 

I  have  said,  it  is  charged,  that  the  bible  says  the  world 
was  made  in  six  days.  He  says  I  don't  understand  Hebrew. 
The  bible  says  the  world  was  made  in  six  days.  God 
didn't  work  nights — evening  and  morning  were  the  first 
day.  God  rested  on  the  seventh  day,  and  sanctified  it. 
That,  they  say,  didn't  mean  days;  it  meant  good 
whiles.  He  made  the  world  in  six  good  whiles. 
Adam  was  made,  I  think  along  about  Saturday.  If  the 
account  is- correct,  it's  only  6,000  years  since  man  made 
his  appearance.  We  know  that  to  be  false.  A  few 
years  ago  a  gentleman  who  was  going  to  California  in 
the  cars  met  a  minister.  They  came  to  the  place  called 
the  Sink  of  the  Humboldt,  the  most  desolate  place  in  the 
world.  Just  imagine  perdition  with  the  fire  out.  The 
traveler  asked  the  minister  whether  God  made  the  earth 
in  six  days,  and  the  minister  said  he  did.  Then  don't 
you  think,  said  he,  He  could  have  put  in  another  day's 
work  to  great  advantage  right  here  ?  I  am  charged,  too, 
with  saying  that  the  sun  was  not  made  till  the  fourth 
day,  whereas,  according  to  the  bible,  vegetation  began 
on  the  third  day,  before  there  was  any  light.  But  Mr. 
Talmage  says  there  was  light  without  the  sun.  They 
got  light,  he  says,  from  the  crystallization  of  rocks.  A 
nice  thing  to  raise  a  crop  of  corn  by.  There  may  have 


TALMAGIAN  THEOLOGY.  673 

been  volcanoes,  he  says.  How'd  you  like  to  farm  it, 
and  depend  on  volcanic  glare  to  raise  a  crop  ?  That's 
what  they  call  religious  science.  God  won't  damn  a  man 
for  things  like  that.  What  else  ?  The  aurora  borealis  !  A 
great  cucumber  country  !  It's  strange  He  never  thought 
of  gldw  worms  !  Imagine  it  !  a  Presbyterian  divine 
gravely  saying  vegetation  could  grow  by  the  light  of  the 
crystallization  of  rocks — by  the  light  of  volcanoes  in 
other  worlds,  probably  now  extinct. 

He  says  of  me,  too  in  his  pulpit,  that  I  was  in  favor  of 
the  circulation  of  immoral  literature.  Let  me  tell  you 
the  truth.  Several  gentlemen,  so-called,  were  trying  to 
exclude  from  the  mails,  books  called  infidel.  I  said  the 
law  should  be  modified.  It  is  impossible  for  anybody  to 
reach  the  depth  of  one  who  will  print  or  circulate  obscene 
books.  One  of  my  objections  to  the  bible  is  that  it  con- 
tains obscene  stories.  Any  book,  couched  in  decent  lan- 
guage, should  have  the  liberty  of  the  United  States  mails. 
Where  books  are  immoral  and  obscene,  I  say,  burn  them, 
and  have  always  said  it.  Mr.  Ta-lmage  said  what  he  knew 
to  be  untrue.  He  said  it  out  of  hatred,  and  because  he 
cannot  answer  the  arguments  I  have  urged.  I  believe  in 
pure  books  and  pure  literature.  But  when  a  God  writes 
there  is  no  excuse  for  Him.  In  Shakespeare  we  say  ob- 
scene things  are  impure — we  do  not  say  they  are  inspired. 

That  I  have  falsified  the  records  of  the  bible  showing 
the  period  of  Jewish  slavery,  is  another  of  the 
charges  against  me .  That  slavery  extended  over 
a  period  of  215  years;  and  he  proceeded  to  sub- 
stantiate this  statement  by  going  through  a  long  and 
somewhat  complicated  geneological  table.  If  I  made 
any  misstatement  I  was  mislead  by  the  new  testament. 


674  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Mr.  Talmage  may  settle  with  St.  Paul.  If  you  can  de- 
pend on  what  my  friend  Paul  says,  the  Jews,  in  215 
years,  increased  from  seventy  persons  till  they  had  600,- 
ooo  men  of  war.  I  know  it  isn't  so,  and  so  does  any 
man  who  knows  anything.  For  such  an  increase  as  this 
each  woman  must  have  borne  somewhat  over  fifty-seven 
children,  and  every  child  lived. 

The  next  charge  is  that  I  have  laughed  at  holy  things. 
Holy  things  !  The  priest  always  says:  '  Now  don't  laugh; 
look  solemn;  this  is  no  laughing  matter.'  There's  nothing 
a  priest  hates  like  mirthfulness.  He  despises  a  smile.  I 
read  in  the  bible  that  God  gave  a  recipe  to  Aaron  for 
making  hair-oil  and  said  if  anybody  made  any  like  it,  kill 
him.  Well,  I  don't  believe  it.  The  penalty  for  infringing 
on  that  patent  was  death.  Do  you  believe  an  infinite 
God  gave  a  recipe  for  hair-oil  ?  Is  it  possible  for  absurdity 
to  go  beyond  that  ?  That's  what  they  call  a  holy  thing. 
And  water  for  baptism  !  Do  you  believe  God  will  look 
for  this  water-mark  on  the  soul  ? 

The  next  charge  is  that  I  misquote  the  scriptures. 
That's  because  I  don't  know  Hebrew.  Why  didn't  He 
write  to  me  in  English  ?  If  He  wishes  to  hold  a  gentle- 
man responsible,  why  doesn't  He  address  him  in  his  na- 
tive tongue  ?  Why  write  His  word  in  such  a  way  that 
hundreds  of  thousands  make  their  living  explaining  it  ? 
If  I'd  only  under  stood  Hebrew  I  would  have  known  God 
didn't  make  Eve  out  of  a  rib.  He  made  her  out  of 
Adam's  side.  How  did  He  get  it  out  ?  Well,  I  suppose 
He  cut  it  out  with  a  kind  of  a  splinter  of  His  omnipotence! 
Then  our  mother  was  made  from  a  rib.  When  you  con- 
sider the  material  used  it  was  the  most  successful  job 
ever  done.  There's  even  a  serpent  in  the  bible  that  knows 


TALMAGIAN  THEOLOGY.  6/5 

a  language.  It  won't  do.  Sin,  how  did  it  come  into  the 
world  ?  Where  did  the  serpent  come  from  ?  He  was 
wicked.  Adam's  sin  did  not  make  him  bad.  Then  there 
was  sin  in  the  world  before  Adam.  There's  no  sense  in 
it — not  a  particle.  Then  Talmage  touches  me  upon  the 
flood.  His  flood  didn't  come  to  America,  because  America 
was  not  discovered  then.  He  says  it  was  a  partial  flood. 
Then  why  did  they  have  to  take  any  birds  in  the  ark  ? 
How  did  Noah  get  the  animals  in  the  ark  ?  Talmage  says 
it  was  through  the  instinct  to  get  out  of  the  rain.  Ac- 
cording to  the  bible  they  went  in  before  the  rain  began. 
Dr.  Scott  says  the  angels  helped  carry  them  in.  Imagine 
an  angel  with  an  animal  under  each  wing.  It  must  have 
rained  800  feet  a  day  for  forty  days.  Why  does  Talmage 
try  to  explain  a  miracle  ?  The  beauty  of  a  miracle  is  it 
cannot  be  explained.  The  moment  the  church  begins  to 
explain  the  church  is  gone.  All  it's  got  to  do  is  swear  it 
is  so.  The  ark  landed  on  Ararat,  which  is  17,000  feet 
high.  There  was  only  one  window,  twenty-two  inches 
square.  Talmage  says  the  window  ran  clear  around  the 
ark.  The  bible  doesn't  say  so.  That's  Brooklyn;  that's 
no  bible. 

If  the  bible  account  is  true  the  ark  must  have  struck 
bottom  on  the  top  of  a  mountain.  Would  any  but  a  God 
of  mercy  and  kindness  people  a  world,  and  then  drown 
them  all?  A  God  cruel  enough  to  drown  His  own  children 
ought  not  to  have  the  impudence  to  tell  me  how  to  bring 
up  mine.  Why  did  He  save  eight  of  the  same  kind  of 
people  to  take  a  fresh  start  ?  Why  didn't  He  make  a 
fresh  lot,  kill  His  snake,  and  give  His  children  a  fair 
show  ?  It  won't  do. 


676  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES, 

Talmage  says  the  bible  does  not  favor  polygamy  and 
slavery.  There  was  room  enough  on  the  table  of  stone 
for  saying  man  should  only,  have  one  wife  and  no  slaves. 
If  not,  God  might  have  written  it  on  the  other  side. 
David  and  Solomon  were  pursued  of  God,  but  they  had 
a  pretty  good  time  of  it.  Most  anybody  would  be  will- 
ing to  be  pursued  that  way.  There  is  not  a  word  in  the 
old  testament  against  slavery  or  polygamy.  Frederick 
Douglas,  a  slave  in  Maryland,  is  the  greatest  man  that 
state  ever  produced.  He  was  enslaved  by  Christians. 
Why  did  God  pay  so  much  attention  to  blasphemers, 
and  so  little  to  slaveholders  and  robbers  ?  I  am  opposed 
to  any  God  that  was  ever  in  favor  of  slavery.  The  bible 
upholds  polygamy,  and  that's  the  reason  I  don't  uphold 
the  bible.  The  most  glorious  temple  ever  erected  is  the 
home — that's  my  church.  I've  misquoted  the  story  of 
Jonah,  Talmage  says.  When  somebody  had  been  guilty 
of  blasphemy  the  winds  rose;  they  tried  to  get  Jonah 
ashore,  but  couldn't  do  it.  The  sea  waxed.  He  was 
swallowed  by  a  whale .  The  people  of  Minerva  wrapped 
all  their  cattle  up  in  sack-cloth,  and  if  anything  would 
have  pleased  God  I  should  think  that  would.  Jonah  sat 
under  a  gourd,  and  God  made  a  worm  out  of  some  om- 
nipotence he  had  left  over,  and  set  it  work  on  the  ground. 
Talmage  doesn't  think  Jonah  was  in  the  whale's  belly- 
he  said  in  his  mouth.  Well,  judging  from  the  doctor's 
photograph,  that  explanation  would  be  quite  natural  to 
him.  He  says  he  might  have  been  in  the  whale's  stom- 
ach, and  avoided  the  action  of  the  gastric  juice  by  walk- 
ing up  and  down.  Imagine  Jonah,  sitting  on  aback  tooth, 
leaning  against  the  uppper  jaw,  longingly  looking  through 
the  open  mouth  for  signs  of  land  !  But  that's  scripture 


TALMAGIAN  THEOLOGY.  677 

and  you've  got  to  believe  it  or  be  damned.  Let  me  say, 
his  brother  preachers  will  not  thank  Talmage  for  his  ex- 
planations. I  don't  believe  it,  and  if  I  am  to  be  damned 
for  it,  I'll  accept  it  cheerfully. 

They  say  I  was  defeated  for  Governor  of  Illinois  be- 
cause I  was  an  infidel,  and  that  I  am  an  infidel  because 
I  was  defeated.  That's  logic.  Now  I'll  tell  you.  They 
asked  me  whether  I  was  an  infidel,  and  I  said  I  was  !  I 
was  defeated.  I  preserved  my  manhood  and  lost  an  of- 
fice. If  everybody  were  as  frank  as  I  was,  some  men 
now  in  office  would  be  private  citizens.  I  would  rather 
be  what  I  am  than  hold  any  office  in  the  world  and  be  a 
slimy  hypocrite. 

Next  they  say.  I  slandered  my  parents  because  I  do 
not  believe  what  they  believed.  My  father  at  one  time 
believed  the  bible  to  be  the  inspired  word  of  God.  He 
was  an  honorable  man,  and  told  me  to  read  the  bible  for 
myself  and  be  honest.  He  lived  long  enough  to  believe 
that  the  old  testament  was  not  the  word  of  God.  He 
had  not  in  his  life  as  much  happiness  as  I  have  in  one 
year.  I  hope  my  children  will  fe**onor  me  by  being 
nearer  right  than  I  am.  If  I  have  made  a  mistake,  I 
want  my  children  to  correct  it.  My  mother  died  when 
I  was  2  years  old.  Were  she  living  to-night,  or  if  she 
does  live,  she  would  say,  be  absolutely  true  to  yourself 
and  preserve  your  manhood.  If  Talmage  had  been  born 
in  Constantinople  he  would  have  been  a  dervish.  He  is 
what  he  is  because  he  can't  help  it.  His  head  is  just  that 
shape.  I  am  taking  away  the  hope  and  consolation  of 
the  world,  he  says.  His  consolation  is  that  ninety-nine 
out  of  every  hundred  are  going  to  hell.  His  church  was 
founded  by  John  Calvin,  a  murderer.  Better  have  no 


6;8 


INGERSOLLS    LECTURES' 


heaven  than  a  hell.  I  would  rather  God  would  commit 
suicide  this  minute  than  that  a  single  soul  should  go  to 
hell.  I  want  no  Presbyterian  consolation,  I  want  no 
fore-ordination,  no  consolation,  no  damnation." 

Col.  Ingersoll  concluded  with  a  few  remarks  about  the 
bible  women,  saying  that  women  to-day  are  as  true  to 
the  gallows  as  Mary  Magdalene  was  to  the  cross.  Where- 
ever  there  are  women  there  are  heroines.  Shakespeare's 
women  are  vastly  superior  to  the  bible  women.  I  am 
accused  of  putting  out  the  light-houses  on  the  shores  of 
the  other  world.  The  Christians  are  trimming  invisible 
wicks  and  pouring  in  allegorical  oil.  The  Christian  is 
willing  wife,  children  and  parents  shall  burn  if  only  he 
can  sing  and  have  a  harp.  Mr.  Talmage  can  see  count- 
less millions  burn  in  hell  without  decreasing  the  length 
of  his  orthodox  smile. 


INGERSOLL'S    LECTURE 


—ON — 


TALMAGIAN  THEOLOGY. 


(THIRD    LECTURE.) 

We  mast  judge  people  somewhat  by  their  creeds. 
Mr.  Talmage  is  a  Calvinist,  and  he  therefore  regards 
every  human  being  who  has  been  born  only  once  as 
totally  depraved.  He  thinks  that  God  never  made  a  sin- 
gle creature  that  didn't  deserve  to  be  damned  the  min- 
ute He  finished  him.  So  every  one  who  opposes  Mr. 
Talmage  is  infamous.  The  generosity  of  an  agnostic  is 
meanness,  his  honesty  is  larceny  and  his  love  is  hate. 
Talmage  is  a  consistent  follower  of  Calvin  and  Knox, 
and  a  consistent  worshiper  of  the  Jehovah  of  the  ancient 
Jews.  I  oppose  not  him,  but  his  creed,  because  it  tends 
to  crush  out  the  natural  tendencies  in  men  to  joyousness 
and  goodness.  There  is  something  good  in  every  human 
being,  and  there  is  something  bad.  There  are  no  perfect 
saints  and  no  totally  bad  persons.  There  is  the 

679 


68o  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

seed  of  goodness  in  every  human  heart  and  the  capacity 
for  improvement  in  every  human  soul.  Isn't  it  possible 
for  a  man  who  acts  like  Christ  to  be  saved,  whatever  be 
his  belief  ?  Cannot  a  soul  be  infinitely  generous  ?  And 
can  any  God  damn  such  a  soul  ?  If  Mr.  Talmage's  creed 
be  true,  nearly  all  the  great  and  glorious  men  of  the  past 
are  burning  to-day.  If  it  be  true,  the  greatest  man 
England  has  produced  in  100  years  is  in  hell.  The 
v/orld  is  poorer  since  I  spoke  here  last,  for  Darwin  'has 
passed' aw^iy.  He  was  a  true  child  of  nature — one  who 
knew  more  ail/out  his  mother  than  any  other  child  she 
had.  Yet  he  was  not  a  Calvmist.  He  did  not  get  his 
inspiration  from  any  book,  but  from  every  star  in  the 
heavens,  from  the  insect  iri  the  sunbeam,  from  the  flow- 
ers in  the  meadows,  and  from  the  everlasting  rocks. 

If  the  doctrine  of  the  Calvinists  is  true,  what  right  had 
any  one  to  ask  an  unbeliever  to  fight  for  his  country  in 
the  civil  war  ?  What  right  has  a  believer  to  buy  an  un- 
believing substitute,  when  some  day  he  will  look  over 
the  edge  of  heaven,  and  pointing  downward,  would  say 
to  a  friend,  "that  is  my  substitute  blistering  there  "  ? 

Mr.  Talmage  says  that  my  mind  is  poisoned,  and  that 
the  reason  why  all  infidels'  minds  are  poisoned  is  that 
they  don't  believe  the  Jew  bible.  Let  us  see  whether  it 
is  worth  believing.  I  deny  that  an  infinitely  merciful 
God  would  protect  slavery  or  would  uphold  polygamy, 
which  pollutes  the  sweetest  words  in  language.  I  will 
not  believe  that  God  told  men  to  exterminate  their  fel- 
low-men, to  plunge  the  sword  into  women's  breasts  and 
into  the  hearts  of  tender  babes.  I  am  opposed  to  the  Jew 
bible  because  it  is  bad.  I  don't  deny  that  there  are  many 
good  passages  in  it,  nor  that  among  all  the  thorns  there 


TALMAGIAN    THEOLOGY.  68  I 

are  some  roses.  I  admit  that  many  Christians  are  doing 
all  they  can  to  idealize  the  frightful  things  in  the  old 
testament.  It  is  the  protest  of  human  nature.  Now, 
they  tell  me  that  this  book  is  inspired.  Let  us  see  what 
inspired  means.  If  it  means  anything,  it  is  that  the 
thoughts  of  God,  through  the  instrumentality  of  men, 
constitute  this  Jew  bible,  and  that  these  thoughts  were 
written.  Now  just  suppose  that  some  voice  whispered 
in  your  ear,  how  would  you  know  it  was  God's  ?  How 
did  these  gentlemen  of  old  know  it  was  God  who  was 
talking  to  them  ?  If  anyone  now  told  you  that  God 
whispered  in  his  ear,  you  wouldn't  believe  him.  Why  ? 
Because  you  know  him.  Why  are  we  asked  to  believe 
those  ancient  gentlemen  ?  Because  we  don't  know  them. 
Another  reason,  according  to  Mr.  Talmage,  why  the  Jew 
bible  is  inspired,  is  that  prophecies  in  it  have  been  ful- 
filled. How  do  we  know  that  the  prophecies  were  not 
fulfilled  before  they  were  written  ?  They  are  so  vague 
that  you  can't  tell  what  was  prophesied.  If  you  will  read 
the  Jew  bible  carefully,  you  will  see  that  there  was  not 
a  line,  not  a  word,  prophesying  the  coming  of  Christ. 
Catholics  were  right  in  saying  that  if  the  Jew  bible  was 
to  be  kept  in  awe  it  must  be  kept  from  the  people. 
Protestants  are  wrong  in  letting  the  people  read  it. 

Another  argument  of  Mr.  Talmage  for  the  inspiration 
of  the  bible  is  that  the  Jews  have  been  kept  as  a  wan- 
dering, persecuted  race  to  fulfill  the  prophecies  of  the 
old  testament,  I  don't  believe  an  infinitely  merciful  God 
world  persecute  a  race  for  thousands  of  years  to  use  them 
as  vitnesse  .  Christian  hate  has  not  allowed  the  Jews 
to  .earn  a  t  "i7n  /ITT  to  practice  a  profession,  and  now, 
by  a  kind  <  /  poetic  justice,  the  Jews  control  the  money 


682  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

of  the  world.  Emperors  go  to  their  bankers  with  hats 
in  hand  and  beg  them  to  discount  their  notes.  This  is 
because  God  has  cursed,  the  Jews.  Only  a  little  while 
ago  Christians  have  robbed  Hebrews,  stripped  them 
naked,  turned  them  into  the  streets,  and  pointed  to  them 
as  a  fulfillment  of  divine  prophecy.  If  you  want  to  know 
the  difference  between  some  Jews  and  some  Christians 
compare  the  address  of  Felix  Adler  with  the  sermon  of 
the  Rev.  Dr.  Talmage.  Mr.  Talmage  thinks  that  the 
light  of  every  burning  Jewish  home  in  Russia  throws 
light  upon  the  gospel.  Every  wound  in  a  Jewish  breast 
is  to  him  a  mouth  to  proclaim  the  divine  inspiration  of 
the  bible.  Every  Jewish  maiden  violated  is  another  ful- 
fillment of  God's  holy  word.  What  do  these  horrid  per- 
secutions prove,  except  the  barbarity  of  Christians  ? 
Next  it  is  said  that  martyrs  prove  the  truth  of  the  bible. 
Mr.  Talmage  affirms  that  no  man  ever  died  cheerfully 
for  a  lie.  Why,  men  have  gone  cheerfully  to  their  death 
for  believing  that  a  wafer  was  God's  flesh.  Thousands 
have  died  for  their  belief  in  Mohammed.  Men  have  died 
because  they  believed  in  immersion.  Either  Mr.  Talmage 
is  a  Catholic,  a  Mohammedan,  a  Baptist,  or  else  he  be- 
lieves that  these  thousands  died  for  lies.  Every  religion 
has  had  its  martyrs,  and  every  religion  cannot  be  true. 
Then  it  is  said  that  miracles  prove  the  inspiration  of  the 
bible.  But  it  is  impossible  by  the  human  senses  to  es- 
tablish a  violation  of  nature's  laws.  When  the  Hebrews 
threw  down  sticks  before  Pharoah,  and  they  became 
snakes,  did  he  believe  ?  No;  because  he  was  there. 
After  the  Jews  had  been  lead  through  the  desert  and  had 
been  fed  with  bread  rained  from  heaven,  had  been 
clothed  in  indestructible  pantaloons,  and  had  quenched 


TALMAGIAN  THEOLOGY.  683 

their  thirst  with  water  that  followed  them  over  moun- 
tains and  through  sands;  when  they  saw  Jehovah  wrapped 
in  the  smoke  of  Sinai  they  still  had  more  faith  in  a  calf 
that  they  could  make  than  anything  Jehovah  could  give 
them.  It  was  so  with  the  miracles  of  Christ.  Not  twenty 
people  were  convered  by  one  of  them.  In  fact,  human 
testimony  cannot  substantiate  a  miracle.  Take  the 
miracle  about  the  bears  which  ate  the  children  who 
laughed  at  the  bald-headed  old  prophet.  What  do  you 
suppose  Mr.  Talmage  would  say  that  meant  ?  Why,  first, 
that  children  ought  to  respect  preachers,  and  second, 
that  God  is  kind  to  animals.  Nearly  every  miracle  in  the 
old  testament  is  wrought  in  the  interest  of  slavery,  polyg- 
amy, creed  or  lust.  I  wish  by  denying  them  to  rescue 
the  reputation  of  Jehovah  from  the  assaults  of  the  bible. 
Who  are  the  witnesses  to  the  truth  of  the  narratives 
of  the  Jews'  bible  ?  Eusebius  was  one.  He  lived  in  the 
reign  of  Constantine,  and  said  that  the  tracks  of  Pha- 
roah's  chariots  could  be  seen — perfectly  preserved  in  the 
sands  of  the  Red  sea.  He  was  the  man  who  forged  the 
passage  in  Josephus  which  speaks  about  the  coming  of 
Christ.  Good  witness,  isn't  he.  Another  one  was  Poly- 
carp.  We  don't  know  much  about  him.  He  suffered 
martydom  in  the  reign  of  Marcus  Aurelius,  and  when  the 
fire  wouldn't  burn  and  he  looked  like  gold  through  it,  a 
heathen  was  so  mad  about  it  that  he  ran  his  sword 
through  Polycarp.  The  blood  gushed  out  and  quenched 
the  fire,  while  the  martyrs  soul  flew  up  to  heaven  in  the 
form  of  a  dove.  And  that's  all  we  know  about  Polycarp 
To  know  how  much  reliance  should  be  placed  upon  the 
judgment  of  such  trustworthy  witnesses,  we  should  look 
at  what  some  of  their  beliefs  were.  They  thought  that 


684  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

the  world  was  flat;  that  the  phoenix  story  was  true;  that 
the  stars  had  souls  and  sinned;  and  one  said  there  were 
four  gospels  because  there,  were  four  winds  and  four  cor- 
ners of  the  earth.  He  might  have  added  that  it  was  also 
because  a  donkey  has  four  legs. 

So  far  as  the  argument  drawn  from  the  sufferings  of  the 
martyrs  is  concerned,  the  speaker  said  that  thousands 
upon  thousands  of  men  had  died  as  cheerfully  in  defense 
of  the  koran  as  Christians  had  died  in  defense  of  the 
bible.  Their  heroic  suffering  simply  proved  that  they 
were  sinners  in  their  beliefs,  not  that  those  beliefs  were 
true.  This  argument,  as  advanced  by  Mr.  Talmage, 
proves  too  much.  Every  religion  on  the  face  of  the  globe 
has  had  its  martyrs,  but  all  religions  cannot  be  true.  Men 
do  die  cheerfully  for  falsehoods  when  they  believe  them 
to  be  true.  The  question  of  miracles  was  discussed  at 
some  length,  and  Col.  Ingersoll  declared  it  was  impossi- 
ble to  establish  by  any  human  evidence  that  a  miracle 
had  ever  been  performed.  Pharoah  was  not  convinced 
by  the  alleged  miracle  performed  by  Aaron,  of  turning  a 
stick  into  a  serpent.  Why  ?  Because  he  was  there,  and 
no  such  miracle  was  ever  done.  No  twenty  people  were 
convinced  by  the  reported  miracles  of  Christ,  and  yet 
people  of  the  nineteenth  century  were  coolly  asked  to  be 
convinced  on  hearsay  by  miracles  which  those  who  are 
supposed  to  have  seen  them  refuse  to  credit.  It  won't 
do.  The  laws  of  nature  never  have  been  interrupted, 
and  they  never  will  be.  All  the  books  in  the  universe 
will  never  convince  a  thinking  man  that  miracles  have 
been  performed."  The  lecture  was  sprinkled  throughou 
with  the  satirical  wit  for  which  Col.  Ingersoll  is  famous, 
and  concluded  by  the  enumeration  of  a  long  list  of  "  un- 
scientific "  facts  and  events  recorded  in  the  bible, 


INGEKSOLL'S  LECTURE 


ON 


RELIGIOUS  INTOLERANCE. 


"How  anybody  ever  came  to  the  conclusion  that  there 
was  any  God  who  demanded  that  you  should  feel  sor- 
rowful and  miserable  and  bleak  one-seventh  of  the  time 
is  beyond  my  comprehension.  Neither  can  I  conceive 
how  they  can  say  that  one-seventh  of  time  is  holy.  That 
day  is  the  most  sacred  day  on  which  the  most  good  has 
been  done  for  mankind.  Now,  there  was  a  time  among 
the  Jews,  when,  if  a  man  violated  the  Sabbath,  they 
would  kill  him.  They  said  God  told  them  to  do  it.  I 
think  they  were  mistaken.  If  not,  if  any  God  did  tell 
them  to  kill  him,  then  I  think  he  was  mistaken.  I  hope 
the  time  will  come  when  every  man  can  spend  the  Sab- 
bath just  as  he  pleases,  provided  he  does  not  interfere 
with  the  happiness  of  others.  I  would  fight  just  as 
earnestly  that  the  Christian  may  go  to  church  as  that 
the  infidel  may  have  the  right  to  spend  the  Sabbath  as 
he  wishes.  Are  the  people  who  go  to  church  the  only 

685 


686  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

good  people  ?  Are  there  not  a  great  many  bad  people 
who  go  to  church  ?  Not  a  bank  in  Pittsburg  will  lend  a 
dollar  to  the  man  who  belongs  to  the  church,  without 
security,  quicker  than  to  the  man  who  don't  go  to  church. 
Now,  I  believe  that  all  laws  upon  the  statute-book  should 
be  enforced.  I  do  not  blame  anybody  in  this  town.  I 
am  perfectly  willing  that  every  preacher  in  this  to.wn 
should  preach.  They  are  employed  to  preach,  and  to 
preach  a  certain  doctrine,  and  if  they  don't  preach  that 
doctrine  they  will  be  turned  out.  I  have  no  objection  to 
that.  But  I  want  the  same  privilege  to  express  my 
views,  and  what  is  the  difference  whether  the  man  pays 
the  day  he  goes  in,  or  pays  for  it  the  week  before  by 
subscription. 

What  would  the  church  people  think  if  the  theatrical 
people  should  attempt  to  suppress  the  churches  ?  What 
harm  would  it  do  to  have  an  opera  here  to-night?  It  would 
elevate  us  more  than  to  hear  ten  thousand  sermons  on 
the  world  that  never  dies.  There  is  more  practical  wis- 
dom in  one  of  the  plays  of  Shakespeare  than  in  all  the 
sacred  books  ever  written.  What  wrong  would  there  be 
to  see  one  of  those  grand  plays  on  Sunday  ?  There  was 
a  time  when  the  church  would  not  allow  you  to  cook  on 
Sunday.  You  had  to  eat  your  victuals  cold.  There  was 
a  time  they  thought  the  more  miserable  you  feel  the  bet- 
ter God  feels.  There  are  sixty  odd  thousand  preachers 
in  the  United  States.  Some  people  regard  them  as  a 
necessary  evil;  some  as  an  unnecessary  evil.  There  are 
sixty  odd  thousand  churches  in  the  United  States;  and 
it  does  seem  to  me  that  with  all  the  wealth  on  their  side; 
with  all  the  good  people  on  their  side;  with  Providences 


RELIGIOUS    INTOLERANCE.  68/ 

on  their  side;  with  all  these  advantages  they  ought  to  let 
us  at  least  have  the  right  to  speak  our  thoughts. 

The  history  of  the  world  shows  me  that  the  right  has 
not  always  prevailed.  When  you  see  innocent  men 
chained  to  the  stake  and  the  flames  licking  their  flesh, 
it  is  natural  to  ask,  why  does  God  permit  this  ?  If  you 
see  a  man  in  prison  with  the  chains  eating  into  his  flesh 
simply  for  loving  God,  you've  got  to  ask  why  does  not  a 
just  God  interfere  ?  You've  got  to  meet  this;  it  won't  do 
to  say  that  it  will  all  come  out  for  the  best.  That  may 
do  very  well  for  God,  but  it's  awful  hard  on  the  man. 
Where  was  the  God  that  permitted  slavery  for  two  hun- 
dred years  in  these  United  States  ?  The  history  of  the 
world  shows  that  when  a  mean  thing  was  done,  man  did 
it;  when  a  good  thing  was  done,  man  did  it. 

But  there  was  a  time  when  there  was  a  drought,  and 
this  tribe  of  savages  with  their  false  notions  of  religion 
says  somebody  has  been  wicked.  Somebody  has  been 
lecturing  on  Sunday.  Then  the  tribe  hunted  out  the 
wicked  man.  They  said  you've  got  to  stop.  We  cannot 
allow  you  to  continue  your  wickedness,  which  brings 
punishment  upon  the  whole  of  us.  What  is  the  reason 
they  allow  me  to  speak  to-night.  Because  the  Christians 
are  not  as  firm  in  their  belief  now  as  they  were  a  thou- 
sand years  ago.  The  lukewarmness  and  hypocricy  of 
Christians  now  permit  me  to  speak  to-night.  If  they 
felt  as  they  did  a  thousand  years  ago  they  would  kill 
me.  So  religious  persecution  was  born  of  the  instinct 
of  self-defense. 

Is  there  any  duty  we  owe  to  God  ?  Can  we  help  him  ? 
Can  we  add  to  his  glory  or  happiness  ?  They  tell  me 
this  God  is  infinitely  wise,  I  cannot  add  to  his  wisdom; 


688  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

infinitely  happy — I  cannot  add  to  his  happiness.  What 
can  I  do  ?  Maybe  he  wants  me  to  make  prayers  that 
won't  be  answered.  I  cannot  see  any  relation  that  can 
exist  between  the  finite  and  the  infinite.  I  acknowledge 
that  I  am  under  obligations  to  my  fellow  man.  We  owe 
duties  to  our  fellow  man.  And  what  ?  Simply  to  make 
them  happy. 

The  only  good,  is  happiness;  and  the  only  evil,  is 
misery,  or  unhappiness.  Only  those  things  are  right 
that  tend  to  increase  the  happiness  of  man;  only  those 
things  are  wrong  which  tend  to  increase  the  misery  of 
man.  That  is  the  basis  of  right  and  wrong.  There 
never  would  have  been  the  idea  of  wrong  except  that 
man  can  inflict  sufferings  upon  others.  Utility,  then,  is  the 
basis  of  the  idea  of  right  and  wrong. 

The  church  tells  us  that  this  world  is  a  school  to  pre- 
pare us  for  another,  that  it  is  a  place  to  build  up  char- 
acter. Well,  if  that  is  the  only  way  character  can  be 
developed  it  is  bad  for  children  who  die  before  they  get 
any  character.  What  would  you  think  of  a  school-mas- 
ter who  would  kill  half  his  pupils  the  first  day  ? 

Now,  I  read  the  bible,  and  I  find  that  God  so  loved 
this  world  that  He  made  up  His  mind  to  damn  the  most 
of  us.  I  have  read  this  book,  and  what  shall  I  say  of  it  ? 
I  believe  it  is  generally  better  to  be  honest.  Now,  I 
don't  believe  the  bible.  Had  I  not  better  say  so  ?  They 
say  that  if  you  do  you  will  regret  it  when  you  come  to 
die.  If  that  be  true,  I  know  a  great  many  religious  peo- 
ple who  will  have  no  cause  to  regret  it — they  don't  tell 
their  honest  convictions  about  the  bible.  There  are  two 
great  arguments  of  the  church — the  great  man  argument 
and  the  death-bed.  They  say  the  religion  of  your  fath- 


RELIGIOUS    INTOLERANCE.  689 

ers  is  good  enough.  Why  should  your  father  object  to 
your  inventing  a  better  plow  than  he  had.  They  say  to 
me,  do  you  know  more  than  all  the  theologians  dead  ? 
Being  a  perfectly  modest  man  I  say  I  think  I  do.  Now 
we  have  come  to  the  conclusion  that  every  man  has  a 
right  to  think.  Would  God  give  a  bird  wings  and  make 
it  a  crime  to  fly  ?  Would  he  give  me  brains  and  make 
it  a  crime  to  think  ?  Any  God  that  would  damn  one  of 
his  children  for  the  expression  of  his  honest  thought 
wouldn't  make  a  decent  thief.  When  I  read  a  book  and 
don't  believe  it,  I  ought  to  say  so.  I  will  do  so  and  take 
the  consequence  like  a  man. 

And  so  I  object  to  paying  for  the  support  of  another 
man's  belief.  I  am  in  favor  of  the  taxation  of  all  church 
property.  If  that  property  belongs  to  God,  He  is  able 
to  pay  the  tax.  If  we  exempt  anything,  let  us  exempt 
the  home  of  the  widow  and  orphan. 

A  voice  here  interrupted  the  speaker. 

Col.  Ingersoll — What  did  the  gentleman  say  ? 

A  voice — O,  he's  drunk. 

Col.  Ingersoll — I  didn't  think  any  Christian  ought  to 
get  drunk  and  come  here  to  disturb  us. 

The  speaker  resumed: 

The  church  has  to-day  $600,000,000  or  $700,000,000 
of  property  in  this  country.  It  must  cost  $2,000,000  a 
week,  that  is  to  say  $500  a  minute,  to  run  these  churches. 
You  give  me  this  money  and  if  I  don't  do  more  good 
with  it  than  four  times  as  many  churches  I'll  resign.  Let 
them  make  the  churches  attractive  and  they'll  get  more 
hearers.  They  will  have  less  empty  pews  if  they  have 
less  empty  heads  in  the  pulpit.  The  time  will  come 
when  the  preacher  will  become  a  teacher. 


690  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Admitting  that  the  bible  is  the  book  of  God,  is  that 
His  only  good  job  ?  Will  not  a  man  be  damned  as  quick 
for  denying  the  equator  as  denying  the  bible  ?  Will  he 
not  be  damned  as  quick  for  denying  geology  as  for  deny- 
ing the  scheme  of  salvation  ?  When  the  bible  was  first 
written  it  was  not  believed.  Had  they  known  as  much 
about  science  as  we  know  now  that  bible  would  not  have 
been  written. 

Col .  Ingersoll  next  gave  his  views  of  the  Puritans,  de- 
clared they  left  Holland  to  escape  persecution  and  came 
came  here  to  persecute  others.  He  referred  to  the  per- 
secutions heaped  upon  those  of  other  religious  belief  by 
the  Puritans,  paid  the  Catholics  the  compliment  to  say 
that  Maryland,  which  they  ruled,  was  the  first  colony  to 
enact  a  law  tolerating  religious  views  not  held  by  them- 
selves, and  went  on  to  explain  that  God  was  never  men- 
tioned in  the  constitution  of  the  United  States  because 
each  colony  had  a  different  religious  belief,  and  each  sect 
preferred  to  have  God  not  mentioned  at  all  than  to  hav- 
ing another  religious  belief  than  their  own  recognized. 
"In  1876,"  said  the  speaker,  ktour  forefathers  retired 
God  from  politics.  They  said  all  power  comes  from  the 
people.  They  kept  God  out  of  the  constitution,  and  al- 
lowed each  state  to  settle  the  question  for  itself." 

The  present  laws  of  different  states  were  next  reviewed, 
so  far  as  they  relate  to  the  prevention  of  infidels  giving 
testimony  and  to  religious  intolerance  in  any  way,  and 
these  features  were  all  branded  and  discussed  as  a  gigan- 
tic evil. 

The  lecture  was  attentively  listened  to  by  the  immense 
audience  from  beginning  to  the  end,  and  the  speaker's 
most  blasphemous  flights  were  the  most  loudly  ap- 
plauded. 


INGERSOLL'S    LECTURE 

— ON— 

HEREAFTER. 


MY  FRIENDS:  I  tell  you  to-night,  as  I  have  probably 
told  many  of  you  dozens  of  times,  that  the  orthodox 
doctrine  of  eternal  punishment  in  the  hereafter  is  an  in- 
famous one!  I  have  no  respect  for  the  man  who  preaches 
it,  or  pretends  to  you  he  believes  it.  Neither  have  I  any 
respect  for  the  man  who  will  pollute  the  imagination  of 
innocent  childhood  with  that  infamous  lie  !  And  I  have 
no  respect  for  the  man  who  will  deliberately  add  to  the 
sorrows  of  this  world  with  this  terrible  dogma;  no  re- 
spect for  the  man  who  endeavors  to  put  that  infinite 
cloud  and  shadow  over  the  heart  of  humanity.  I  will  be 
frank  with  you  and  say,  I  hate  the  doctrine;  I  despise  it; 
I  defy  it;  I  loathe  it — and  what  man  of  sense  does  not  ? 
The  idea  of  a  hell  was  born  of  revenge  and  brutality  on 
the  one  side,  and  arrant  cowardice  on  the  other.  In  my 
judgment  the  American  people  are  too  brave,  too  gener- 
ous, too  magnanimous,  too  humane  to  believe  in  that 
outrageous  doctrine  of  eternal  damnation. 

691 


692  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

For  a  great  many  years  the  learned  intellects  of  Chris- 
tendom have  been  examining  into  the  religions  of  other 
countries  and  other  ages,  jn  the  world — the  religions  of 
the  myriads  who  have  passed  away.  They  examined 
into  the  religions  of  Egypt,  the  religion  of  Greece,  that 
of  Rome  and  the  Scandinavian  countries.  In  the  pres- 
ence of  the  ruins  of  those  religions,  the  learned  men  of 
Christendom  insisted  that  those  religions  were  baseless, 
false  and  fraudulent.  But  the}'  have  all  passed  away. 

Now,  while  this  examination  was  being  made,  the 
Christianity  of  our  day  applauded,  and  when  the  learned 
men  got  through  with  the  religion  of  other  countries, 
they  turned  their  attention  to  our  religion,  and  by  the 
same  methods,  by  the  same  mode  of  reasoning  and  the 
same  arrangements  that  they  used  with  the  old  religions 
they  were  overturning  the  religion  of  our  day.  How  is 
that  ?  Because  every  religion  in  this  world  is  the  work 
of  man.  Every  book  that  was  ever  written  was  written 
by  man.  Man  existed  before  books.  If  otherwise,  we 
might  reasonably  admit  that  there  was  such  a  thing  as  a 
sacred  bible. 

I  wish  to  call  your  attention  to  another  thing.  Man 
never  had  an  original  idea,  and  he  never  will  have  one, 
except  it  be  supplied  to  him  by  his  surroundings.  Nature 
gave  man  every  idea  that  he  ever  had  in  the  world;  and 
nature  will  continue  to  give  man  his  ideas  so  long  as  he 
exists.  No  man  can  conceive  of  anything,  the  hint  of 
which  he  has  not  received  from  the  surroundings.  And 
there  is  nothing  on  this  earth,  coming  from  any  other 
sphere  whatever. 

As  I  ha?ve  before  said,  man  has  produced  every  religion 
in  the  world.  Why  is  this  ?  Because  each  generation 


HEREAFTER.  693 

sends  forth  the  knowledge  and  belief  of  the  people  at  the 
time  it  was  made,  and  in  no  book  is  there  any  knowledge 
formed,  except  just  at  the  time  it  was  written.  Barbar- 
ians have  produced  barbarian  religions,  and  always  will 
produce  them.  They  have  produced,  and  always  will 
produce,  ideas  and  belief  in  harmony  with  their  sur- 
roundings, and  all  the  religions  of  the  past  were  produced 
by  barbarians.  We  are  making  religions  every  day;  that 
is  to  say,  we  are  constantly  changing  them,  adapting 
them  to  our  purposes,  and  the  religion  of  to-day  is  not 
the  religion  of  a  few  months  or  a  year  ago.  Well,  what 
changes  these  religions  ?  Science  does  it,  education  does 
it;  the  growing  heart  of  man  does  it.  Some  men  have 
nothing  else  to  do  but  produce  religions;  science  is  con- 
stantly changing  them.  If  we  are  cursed  with  such  bar- 
barian religions  to-day — for  our  religions  are  really  bar- 
barous— what  will  they  be  an  hundred  or  a  thousand 
years  hence  ? 

But,  friends,  we  are  making  inroads  upon  orthodoxy 
that  orthodox  Christians  are  painfully  aware  of,  and 
what  think  you  will  be  left  of  their  fearful  doctrines  fifty 
or  a  hundred  years  from  to-night  ?  What  will  become 
of  their  endless  hell — their  doctrine  of  the  future  anguish 
of  the  soul;  their  doctrine  of  the  eternal  burning  and 
never-ending  gnashing  of  teeth.  Man  will  discard  the 
idea  of  such  a  future — because  there  is  now  a  growing 
belief  in  the  justice  of  a  Supreme  Being. 

Do  you  not  know  that  every  religion  in  the  world  has 
declared  every  other  religion  a  fraud  ?  Yes,  we  all  know 
it.  That  is  the  time  all  religions  tell  the  truth — each  of 
the  other. 

Now,  do  you  want  to  know  why  this  is:   Suppose  Mr. 


694  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Johnson  should  tell  Mr.  Jones  that  he  saw  a  corpse  rise 
from  the  grave,  and  that  when  he  first  saw  it,  it  was 
covered  with  loathsome  worms,  and  that  while  he  was 
looking  at  it,  it  suddenly  was  re-clothed  in  healthy, 
beautiful  flesh.  And  then,  suppose  Jones  should  say  to 
Johnson,  "Well,  now,  I  saw  that  same  thing  myself.  1 
was  in  a  graveyard  once,  and  I  saw  a  dead  man  rise  and 
walk  away  as  if  nothing  had  ever  happened  to  him  !  " 
Johnson  opens  wide  his  eyes  and  says  to  Jones,  ''Jones, 
you  are  a  confounded  liar  !  "  And  Jones  says  to  John- 
son, "You  are  an  unmitigated  liar!"  "No,  I'm  not; 
you  lie  yourself."  "  No  !  I  say  you  lie  !  "  Each  knew 
the  other  lied,  because  each  man  knew  he  lied  himself. 
Thus  when  a  man  says:  "  I  was  upon  Mount  Sinai  for 
the  benefit  of  my  health,  and  there  I  met  God,  who  said 
to  me,  '  Stand  aside,  you,  and  let  me  drown  these  peo- 
ple;'" and  the  other  man  says  to  him,  "I  was  upon  a 
mountain,  and  there  I  met  the  Supreme  Brahma." 
And  Moses  steps  in  and  says,  "That  is  not  true  !"  and 
contends  that  the  other  man  never  did  see  Brahrna,  and 
the  other  man  swears  that  Moses  never  saw  God;  and 
each  man  utters  a  deliberate  falsehood,  and  immediately 
after  speaks  truth. 

Therefore,  each  religion  has  charged  every  other  re- 
ligion with  having  been  an  unmitigated  fraud.  Still,  if 
any  man  had  ever  seen  a  miracle  himself,  he  would  be  pre- 
pared to  believe  that  another  man  had  seen  the  same  or 
a  similar  thing.  Whenever  a  man  claims  to  have  been 
cognizant  of,  or  to  have  seen  a  miracle,  he  either  utters 
a  falsehood,  or  he  is  an  idiot.  Truth  relies  upon  the 
unerring  course  of  the  laws  of  nature,  and  upon  reason. 

Observe,    we  have  a  religion — that   is,    many   people 


HEREAFTER.  695 

have.  I  make  no  pretensions  to  having  a  religion  myself 
—possibly  you  do  not.  I  believe  in  living  for  this  beau- 
tiful world — in  living  for  the  present,  to-day;  living  for 
this  very  hour,  and  while  I  do  live  to  make  everybody 
happy  that  I  can.  I  cannot  afford  to  squander  my  short 
life — and  what  little  talent  I  am  blessed  with  in  studying 
up  and  projecting  schemes  to  avoid  that  seething  lake  of 
fire  and  brimstone.  Let  the  future  take  care  of  itself, 
and  when  I  am  required  to  pass  over  "on  the  other  side, " 
I  am  ready  and  willing  to  stand  my  chances  with  you 
howling  Christians. 

We  have  in  this  country  a  religion  which  men  have 
preached  for  about  eighteen  hundred  years,  and  men 
have  grown  wicked  just  in  proportion  as  their  belief  in 
that  religion  has  grown  strong;  and  just  in  proportion  as 
they  have  ceased  to  believe  in  it,  men  have  become  just, 
humane  and  charitable.  And  if  they  believed  in  it  to- 
night as  they  believed,  for  instance,  at  the  time  of  the 
immaculate  Puritan  fathers,  I  would  not  be  permitted  to 
talk  here  in  the  city  of  New  York.  It  is  from  the  coldness 
and  infidelity  of  the  churches  that  I  get  my  right  to 
preach;  and  I  thank  them  for  it,  and  I  say  it  to  their 
credit. 

As  I  have  said,  we  have  a.  religion.  What  is  it  ?  In 
the  first  place,  they  say  this  vast  universe  was  created 
by  a  God.  I  don't  know,  and  you  don't  know,  whether 
it  was  or  not.  Also,  if  it  had  not  been  for  the  first  sin 
of  Adam,  they  say  there  would  never  have  been  any 
Devil,  in  this  world,  and  if  there  had  been  no  Devil, 
there  would  have  been  no  sin,  and  if  no  sin,  no  death. 
As  for  myself  I  am  glad  there  is  death  in  the  world,  for 
that  gives  me  a  chance .  Somebody  has  to  die  to  give 


696  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

me  room,  and  when  my  turn  comes  I  am  willing  to  let 
some  one  else  take  my  place.  Butthere  if  is  a  Being 
who  gave  me  this  life,  I  thank  Him  from  the  bottom  of 
my  heart — because  this  life  has  been  a  joy  and  a  pleasure 
to  me.  Further,  because  of  this  first  sin  of  Adam,  they 
say,  all  men  are  consigned  to  eternal  perdition  !  But,  in 
order  to  save  man  from  that  frightful  hell  of  the  here- 
after, Christ  came  to  this  world  and  took  upon  himself 
flesh,  and  in  order  that  we  might  know  the  road  to  eter- 
nal salvation,  He  gave  us  a  book  called  the  bible,  and 
wherever  that  bible  has  been  read  men  have  immediately 
commenced  throttling  each  other;  and  wherever  that 
bible  has  been  circulated  they  have  invented  inquisitions 
and  instruments  of  torture,  and  commenced  hating  each 
other  with  all  their  hearts.  Then  we  are  told  that  this 
bible  is  the  foundation  of  civilization,  but  I  say  it  is  the 
foundation  of  hell  and  damnation  !  and  we  never  shall 
get  rid  of  that  dogma  until  we  get  rid  of  the  idea  that  the 
book  is  inspired.  Now,  what  does  the  bible  teach?  I 
am  not  going  to  ask  this  preacher  or  that  preacher  what 
the  bible  teaches;  but  the  question  is,  "  Ought  a  man  be 
sent  to  an  eternal  hell  for  not  believing  this  bible  to  be 
the  work  of  a  merciful  God  ?"  A  very  few  people  read 
it  now;  perhaps  they  should  read  it,  and  perhaps  not;  if 
I  wanted  to  believe  it,  I  should  never  read  a  word  of  it 
—never  look  upon  its  pages,  I  would  let  it  lie  on  its 
shelf,  until  it  rotted  !  Still,  perhaps,  we  ought  to  read 
it  in  order  to  see  what  is  read  in  schools  that  our  children 
might  become  charitable  and  good;  to  be  read  to  our 
children  that  they  may  get  ideas  of  mercy,  charity 
humanity  and  justice  !  Oh,  yes  !  Now  read: 


HEREAFTER.  697 

"I  will  make  mine  arrows  drunk  with  blood  and  my 
sword  shall  devour  flesh." — Deut.  xxxii.  42. 

Very  good  for  a  merciful  God  ! 

"  That  thy  foot  may  be  dipped  in   the  blood  of  thine 
enemies,    and  the  tongue  of  the  dogs  in  the  same. "- 
Psalms  Ixviii.  24. 

Merciful  Being  !  I  will  quote  several  more  choice  bits 
from  this  inspired  book,  although  I  have  several  times 
made  use  of  them. 

But  the  Lord  thy  God  shall  deliver  them  unto  thee, 
and  shall  destroy  them  with  a  mighty  destruction,  until 
they  be  destroyed. 

And  he  shall  deliver  their  kings  into  thine  hand,  and 
thou  shalt  destroy  their  name  from  under  heaven;  there 
shall  no  man  be  able  to  stand  before  thee,  until  thou 
have  destroyed  them — Deut.  vii.  23,  24. 

And  Joshua  did  unto  them  as  the  Lord  bade  him;  he 
houghed  their  horses,  and  burnt  their  chariots  with  fire. 

And  Joshua  at  that  time  turned  back,  and  took  Hazor, 
and  smote  the  king  thereof  with  the  sword;  for  Hazor  be- 
foretime  was  the  head  of  all  those  kingdoms. 

And  all  the  cities  of  those  kings,  and  all  the  kings  of 
them,  did  Joshua  take,  and  smote  them  with  the  edge  of 
the  sword,  and  he  utterly  destroyed  them,  as  Moses,  the 
servant  of  the  Lord,  commanded. 

And  they  smote  all  the  souls  that  were  therein  with 
the  edge  of  the  sword,  utterly  destroying  them;  there 
was  not  any  left  to  breathe;  and  he  burnt  Hazor  with 
fire. 

(Do  not  forget  that  these  things  were  done  by  the 
command  of  God  !) 

But  as  for  the  cities  that  stood   still  in  their  strength, 


698  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Israel  burnt  none  of  them,  save  Hazor  only;  that  did 
Joshua  burn. 

And  all  the  spoil  of  those  cities,  and  the  cattle,  the 
children  of  Israel  took  for  a  prey  unto  themselves;  but 
every  man  they  smote  with  the  edge  of  the  sword,  until 
they  had  destroyed  them,  neither  left  they  any  to  breathe. 

(As  the  moral  and  just  God  had  commanded  them.) 

As  the  Lord  commanded  Moses  His  servant,  so  did 
Moses  command  Joshua,  and  so  did  Joshua;  he  left  noth- 
ing undone  of  all  that  the  Lord  had  commanded  Joshua. 

So  Joshua  took  all  that  land,  the  hills,  and  all  the 
south  country,  and  all  the  land  of  Goshen,  and  the  val- 
ley, and  the  plain  and  mountain  of  Israel,  and  the  valley 
of  the  same; 

Even  from  the  Mount  Halak,  that  goeth  up  to  Seir, 
even  unto  Baalgad  in  the  valley  of  Lebanon  under  Mount 
Hermon;  and  all  their  kings  he  took,  and  smote  them, 
and  slew  them. 

Joshua  made  war  a.  long  time  on  all  those  kings. 

There  was  not  a  city  that  made  peace  with  the  children 
of  Israel,  save  the  Hivites,  the  inhabitants  of  Gibeon; 
all  the  others  they  took  in  battle. 

So  Joshua  took  the  whole  land,  according  to  all  that 
the  Lord  said  unto  Moses;  and  Joshua  gave  it  for  an  in- 
heritance unto  Israel,  according  to  their  divisions  by  their 
tribes.  And  the  land  rested  from  war. — Josh,  xi  7-23. 

When  thou  comest  nigh  unto  a  city  to  fight  against  it, 
then  proclaim  peace  unto  it. 

And  it  shall  be,  if  it  make  thee  answer  of  peace,  a-nd 
open  unto  thee,  then  it  shall  be  that  all  the  people  that  is 
found  therein  shall  be  tributaries  unto  thee,  and  they 
shall  serve  thee. 


HEREAFTER.  699 

And  if  it  will  make  no  peace  with  thee,  but  will  make 
war  against  thee,  then  thou  shalt  besiege  it. 

And  when  the  Lord  thy  God  hath  delivered  it  into 
thine  hands,  thou  shalt  smite  every  male  thereof  with  the 
edge  of  the  sword. 

But  the  women,  and  the  little  ones,  and  the  cattle,  and 
all  that  is  in  the  city,  even  all  the  spoil  thereof,  shalt 
thou  take  unto  thyself;  and  thou  shalt  eat  the  spoil  of 
thine  enemies,  which  the  Lord  thy  God  hath  given  thee . 

Thus  shalt  thou  do  unto  all  the  cities  which  are  very 
far  off  from  thee,  which  are  not  of  the  cities  of  those 
nations. 

But  of  the  cities  of  these  people,  which  the  Lord  thy 
God  doth  give  thee  for  an  inheritance,  thou  shalt  save 
alive  nothing  that  breatheth. 

But  thou  shalt  utterly  destroy  them. 

(Neither  the  old  man  nor  the  woman,  nor  the  beautiful 
maiden,  nor  the  sweet  dimpled  babe,  smiling  upon  the 
lap  of  its  mother.) 

And  He  said  unto  them,  Thus  saith  the  Lord  God  of 
Israel  (a  merciful  God,  indeed),  put  every  man  his  sword 
by  his  side,  and  go  in  and  out  from  gate  to  gate  through- 
out the  camp,  and  slay  every  man  his  brother,  and  every 
man  his  neighbor. — Ex.  xxxii.  29. 

(Now  recollect,  these  instructions  were  given  to  an 
army  of  invasion,  and  the  people  who  were  slayed  were 
guilty  of  the  crime  of  fighting  for  their  homes  and  their 
firesides.  Oh,  most  merciful  God  !  The  old  testament 
is  full  of  curses,  vengeance,  jealousy  and  hatred,  and  of 
barbarity  and  brutality.  Now,  do  you  for  one  moment 
believe  that  these  words  were  written  by  the  most  mer- 
ciful God  ?  Don't  pluck  from  the  heart  the  sweet  flower 


700  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

of  piety  and  crush  it  by  superstition.  Do  not  believe  that 
God  ever  ordered  the  murder  of  innocent  women  and 
helpless  babes.  Do  not  let  this  superstition  turn  your 
-  heart  into  stone.  When  anything  is  said  to  have  been 
written  by  the  most  merciful  God,  and  the  thing  is  not 
merciful,  then  I  deny  it,  and  say  He  never  wrote  it.  I 
will  live  by  the  standard  of  reason,  and  if  thinking  in  ac- 
cordance with  reason  takes  me  to  perdition,  then  I  will 
go  to  hell  with  my  reason,  rather  than  to  heaven  with- 
out it.) 

Now,  does  this  bible  teach  political  freedom;  or  does 
it  teach  political  tyranny  ?  Does  it  teach  a  man  to  resist 
oppression  ?  Does  it  teach  a  man  to  tear  from  the  throne 
of  tyranny  the  crowned  thing  and  robber  called  king. 
Let  us  see. 

Let  every  soul  be  subject  to  the  higher  powers;  For 
there  is  no  power  but  God;  the  powers  that  be  are  or- 
dained of  God. — Rom.  xiii.  I. 

Therefore/^  must  needs  be  subject  not  only  for  wrath, 
but  also  for  conscience  sake. — Rom.  viii.  4,  4. 

(I  deny  this  wretched  doctrine.  Wherever  the  sword  of 
rebellion  is  drawn  to  protect  the  rights  of  man,  I  am  a 
rebel.  Wherever  the  sword  of  rebellion  is  drawn  to  give 
men  liberty,  to  clothe  him  in  all  his  just  rights,  I  am  on 
the  side  of  that  rebellion.) 

Does  the  bible  give  woman  her  rights  ?  Does  it  treat 
woman  as  she  ought  to  be  treated,  or  is  it  barbarian  ? 
We  will  see: 

Let  woman  learn  in  silence  with  all  subjection — i 
Tim.  ii.  1 1. 

(If  a  woman  should  know  anything  let  her  ask  her 


HEREAFTER.  7<DI 

husband.    Imagine  the  ignorance  of  a  lady  who  had  only 
that  source  of  information:) 

But  suffer  not  a  woman  to  teach,  nor  to  usurp  author- 
ity over  the  man,  but  to  be  in  silence.  For  Adam  was 
first  formed,  then  Eve.  (Indeed  !) 

And  Adam  was  not  deceived,  but  the  woman  being 
decived,  was  in  the  transgression.  (Poor  woman  !) 

Here  is  something  from  the  old  testament: 

When  thou  goest  forth  to  war  against  thine  enemies, 
and  the  Lord  thy  God  hath  delivered  them  into  thine 
hands,  and  thou  hast  taken  them  captives; 

And  seest  among  the  captives  a  beautiful  woman,  and 
hast  a  desire  unto  her,  that  thou  wouldst  have  her  to  be 
thy  wife; 

Then  thou  shalt  bring  her  home  to  thine  house;  and 
she  shall  shave  her  head,  and  pare  her  nails. — Deut.  xxi. 

10,    II,    12. 

(That  is  self-defence,  I  suppose  !) 

I  need  not  go  further  in  bible  quotations  to  show  that 
woman,  throughout  the  old  testament,  is  a  degraded  be- 
ing, having  no  rights  which  her  husband,  father,  brother, 
or  uncle  is  bound  to  respect.  Still,  that  is  bible  doctrine, 
and  that  bible  is  the  word  of  a  just  and  omniscient  God  ! 

Does  the  bible  teach  the  existence  of  devils  ?  Of  course 
it  does.  Yes,  it  teaches  not  only  the  existence  of  a  good 
being,  but  a  bad  being.  This  good  being  has  to  have  a 
home;  that  home  was  heaven.  This  bad  being  had  to 
have  a  home;  and  that  home  was  hell.  This  hell  is  sup- 
posed to  be  nearer  to  earth  than  I  would  care  to  have  it, 
and  to  be  peopled  with  spirits,  spooks,  hobgoblins,  and 
all  the  fiery  shapes  with  which  the  imagination  of  ignor- 
ance and  fear  could  people  that  horrible  place;  and  the 


7O2  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

bible  teaches  the  existence  of  hell  and  this  big  devil  and 
all  these  little  devils.  The  bible  teaches  the  doctrine  of 
witchcraft  and  makes  us  believe  that  there  are  sorcerers 
and  witches,  and  that  the  dead  could  be  raised  by  the 
power  of  sorcery.  Does  anybody  believe  it  now  ? 

Then  said  Saul  unto  his  servants,  seek  me  a  woman 
that  hath  a  familiar  spirit,  that  I  may  go  to  her  and  in- 
quire of  her.  And  his  servants  said  to  him,  Behold, 
there  is  a  woman  that  hath  a  familiar  spirit  at  En-dor. 

In  another  place  he  declares  that  witchcraft  is  an 
abomination  unto  the  Lord.  He  wants  no  rivals  in  this 
business.  Now  what  does  the  new  testament  teach: 

Then  was  Jesus  lead  up  of  the  Spirit  into  the  wilder- 
ness to  be  tempted  of  the  devil. 

And  when  he  had  fasted  forty  days  and  forty  nights, 
he  was  afterward  a-hungered. 

And  when  the  tempter  came  to  him,  he  said  if  thou 
be  the  Son  of  God,  command  these  stones  to  be  made 
bread. 

But  He  answered  and  said,  it  is  written,  man  shall 
not  live  by  bread  alone,  but  by  every  word  that  pro- 
ceedeth  out  of  the  mouth  of  God. 

Then  the  devil  taketh  him  up  into  the  holy  city  and 
setteth  him  on  a  pinnacle  of  the  temple; 

And  saith  unto  him,  If  thou  be  the  Son  of  God,  cast 
thyself  down,  for  it  is  written,  He  shall  give  His  angels 
charge  concerning  thee;  and  in  their  hands  they  shall 
bear  thee  up,  lest  at  any  time  thou  dash  thy  foot  against 
a  stone. 

Jesus  said' unto  him,  it  is  written  again,  Thou  shalt 
not  tempt  the  Lord,  thy  God,  and  Him  only  shalt  thou 
serve.— Matt.  iv.  1-7. 


HEREAFTER.  703 

(Is  it  possible  that  anyone  can  believe  that  the  devil 
absolutely  took  God  Almighty,  and  put  him  upon  the 
pinnacle  of  the  temple,  and  endeavored  to  persuade  him 
to  jump  down  ?  Is  it  possible  ?) 

Again,  the  devil  taketh  him  into  an  exceedingly  high 
mountain,  and  showeth  him  all  the  kingdoms  of  the 
world,  and  the  glory  of  them; 

And  saith  unto  him,  All  these  things  will  I  give  thee, 
if  thou  wilt  fall  down  and  worship  me. 

Then  saith  Jesus  unto  him,  Get  thee  hence,  Satan,  for 
it  is  written,  Thou  shalt  worship  the  Lord  thy  God,  and 
him  only  shalt  thou  serve. — Matthew  iv.  8-1 1. 

(Now  the  devil  must  have  known  at  that  time  that  He 
was  God,  and  God  at  that  time  must  have  known  that 
the  other  was  the  devil,  who  had  the  impudence  to  prom- 
ise God  a  world  in  which  he  did  not  have  a  tax-title  to 
an  inch  of  land.) 

Now,  what  of  the  Sabbath — the  Lord's  day  ?  Why  is 
Sunday  the  Lord's  day  ?  If  Sunday  alone  is  the  Lord's 
day,  whose  day  is  Monday,  Tuesday,  Friday,  etc.  ?  No 
matter  !  The  idea,  that  God  hates  to  hear  your  children 
laugh  on  Sunday  !  On  Sunday  let  your  children  play 
games.  I  see  a  poor  man  who  hasn't  money  enough  to 
go  to  a  big  church,  and  he  has  too  much  independence 
to  go  to  the  little  church  which  the  big  church  built  for 
charity.  If  he  enters  the  portals  of  the  big  church  with 
poor  clothes  on,  the  usher  approaches  him  with  a  severe 
face,  and  ' '  Brother,  I'm  sorry,  but  only  high-toned  ser- 
vants of  the  living  God  congregate  in  this  church  for 
worship,  and  with  that  seedy  suit  on  we  cannot  admit 
you.  All  the  seats  in  this  magnificent  edifice  are  owned 
and  represented  by  «  solid '  men,  by  men  of  capital.  We 


704  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

pay  our  pastor  $5,000  a  year — the  annual  eight  weeks 
vacation  thrown  in — and  it  would  not  be  profitable  for 
us  to  seriously  encourage  the  attendance  of  so  insignifi- 
cant a  person  as  yourself.  Just  around  the  corner  there 
is  a  little  cheap  church  with  a  little  cheap  pastor,  where 
they  can  dish  up  hell  to  you  in  an  approved  style — in  a 
style  more  suitable  to  your  needs  and  condition;  and  the 
dish  will  not  be  as  expensive  to  you,  either !  " 

If  I  had  chanced  to  be  that  poor  man  in  the  seedy 
garments,  and  had  been  endeavoring  to  serve  my  Maker 
for  even  half  a  century,  I  would  have  felt  like  muttering 
audibly,  ' '  You  go  to  hell  !  "  (I  am  not  much  given  to 
profanity,  but  when  I  am  sorely  aggravated  and  vexed 
in  spirit,  I  declare  to  you  that  it  is  such  a  relief  to  me, 
such  a  solace  to  my  troubled  soul,  and  gives  me  such 
heavenly  peace,  to  now  and  then  allow  a  word  or  phrase 
to  escape  my  lips  which  can  serve  me  no  other  earthly 
purpose,  seemingly,  than  to  render  emphatic  my  other- 
wise mildly  expressed  ideas.  I  make  this  confession 
parenthetically,  and  in  a  whisper,  my  friends,  trusting 
you  will  not  allow  it  to  go  further.) 

Now,  I  tell  you,  if  you  don't  want  to  go  to  church,  go 
to  the  woods  and  take  your  wife  and  children  and  a  lunch 
with  you,  and  sit  down  upon  the  old  log  and  let  the  chil- 
dren gather  flowers,  and  hear  the  leaves  whispering  poems 
like  memories  of  long  ago  !  and  when  the  sun  is  about 
going  down  kissing  the  summits  of  the  distant  hills,  go 
home  with  your  hearts  filled  with  throbs  of  joy  and  glad- 
ness, and  the  cheeks  of  your  little  ones  covered  with  the 
rose-blushes  of  health  !  There  is  more  recreation  and 
solid  enjoyment  in  that  than  putting  on  your  Sunday 
clothes  and  going  to  a  canal-boat  with  a  steeple  on  top 


HEREAFTER.  705 

of  it  and  listening  to  a  man  tell  you  that  your  chances 
are  about  ninety-nine  thousand  nine  hundred  and  ninety- 
nine  to  one  for  being  eternally  damned  ! 

Oh,  strike  with  a  hand  of  fire,  weird  musician,  thy 
harp,  strung  with  Appollo's  golden  hair  !  Fill  the  vast 
cathedral  aisles  with  symphonies  sweet  and  dim,  deft 
toucher  of  the  organ's  keys  !  Blow,  bugler,  blow,  until 
thy  silver  notes  do  touch  and  kiss  the  moonlit  waves, 
and  charm  the  lovers  wandering  mid  the  vine-clad  hills  ! 
— but  know  your  sweetest  strains  are  but  discord 
compared  with  childhood's  happy  laugh — the  laugh  that 
fills  the  eyes  with  light  and  every  heart  with  joy!  O,  rip- 
pling river  of  laughter;  thou  art  the  blessed  boundary 
line  between  beasts  and  men,  and  every  wayward  wave 
of  thine  doth  drown  some  fretful  fiend  of  care.  O, 
Laughter,  rose-lipped  daughter  of  joy,  there  are  dimples 
enough  in  thy  cheek  to  catch  and  hold  and  glorify  all  the 
tears  of  grief  ! 

Do  not  make  slaves  of  your  children  on  Sunday. 
Don't  place  them  in  long,  straight  rows,  like  fence-posts, 
and  "  Sh  !  children,  it's  Sunday  !  "  when  by  chance  you 
hear  a  sound  or  rustle.  Let  winsome  Johnny  have  light 
and  air,  and  let  him  grow  beautiful;  let  him  laugh  until 
his  little  sides  ache,  if  he  feels  like  it;  let  him  pinch  the 
cat's  tail  until  the  house  is  in  an  uproar  with  his  yells — 
let  him  do  anything  that  will  make  him  happy.  When 
I  was  a  little  boy,  children  went  to  bed  when  they  were 
not  sleepy,  and  always  got  up  when  they  were?  I  would 
like  to  see  that  changed — we  may  see  it  some  day.  It 
is  really  easier  to  wake  a  child  with  a  kiss  than  a  blow; 
with  kind  words  than  with  harshness  and  a  curse.  An- 
other thing:  let  the  children  eat  what  they  want  to. 


706  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Let  them  commence  at  whichever  end  of  the  dinner  they 
please.  They  know  what  they  want  much  better  than 
you  do.  Nature  knows  perfectly  well  what  she  is  about, 
and  if  you  go  a-fooling  with  her  you  may  get  into  trouble. 

The  crime  charged  to  me  is  this:  I  insist  that  the  bible 
\snot  the  word  of  God;  that  we  should  not  whip  our  chil- 
dren; that  we  should  treat  our  wives  as  loving  equals; 
that  God  never  upheld  polygamy  and  slavery;  deny  that 
God  ever  commanded  his  generals  to  slaughter  innocent 
babes  and  tear  and  rip  open  women  with  the  sword  of 
war;  that  God  ever  turned  Lot's  wife  into  a  pillar  of 
salt  (although  she  might  have  deserved  that  fate);  that 
God  ever  made  a  woman  out  of  a  man's,  or  any  other 
animal's  rib  1  And  I  emphatically  deny  that  God  ever 
signed  or  sealed  a  commission  appointing  his  satanic  ma- 
jesty governor-general  over  an  extensive  territory  popular- 
ly styled  hell,  with  absolute  power  to  torture,  burn,  maim, 
boil,  or  roast  at  his  pleasure  the  victims  of  his  master's 
displeasure  !  I  deny  these  things,  and  for  that  I  am 
assailed  by  the  clergy  throughout  the  United  States. 

Now,  you  have  read  the  bible  romance  of  the  fall  of 
Adam  ?  Yes,  well,  you  know  that  nearly  or  quite  all 
the  religions  of  this  world  account  for  the  existence  of 
evil  by  such  a  story  as  that  !  Adam,  the  miserable  cow- 
ard, informed  God  that  his  wife  was  at  the  bottom  of  the 
whole  business  I — "She  did  tempt  me  and  I  did  eat!" 
And  then  commenced  a  row,  and  we  have  been  engaged 
in  it  ever  since  !  You  know  what  happened  to  Adam 
and  his  wife  for  her  transgressions  ? 

In  another  account  of  what  is  said  to  have  been  the 
same  transaction — which  is  the  most  sensible  account  of 
the  two — the  Supreme  Brahma  concluded,  as  he  had  a 


HEREAFTER.  707 

little  leisure,  that  he  would  make  a  world,  and  a  man  and 
woman.  He  made  the  world,  the  man,  and  then  the 
woman,  and  then  placed  the  pair  on  the  Island  of  Cey- 
lon. (Bear  in  mind,  there  were  no  ribs  used  in  this  af- 
fair.) This  island  is  said  to  be  the  most  beautiful  that 
the  mind  of  man  can  conceive  of.  Such  birds  you  never 
saw,  such  songs  you  never  heard  !  and  then  such  flowers, 
such  verdure  !  The  branches  of  the  trees  were  so  ar- 
ranged that  when  the  winds  swept  through,  there  floated 
out  from  every  tree  melodious  strains  of  music  from  a 
thousand  JEolian  harps  !  After  Brahma  put  them  there, 
he  said:  "  Let  them  have  a  period  of  courtship,  for  it  is 
my  desire  and  will  that  true  love  should  forever  precede 
marriage."  And  with  the  nightingale  singing,  and  the 
stars  twinkling,  and  the  little  brooklets  murmuring,  and 
the  flowers  blooming,  and  the  gentle  breezes  fanning 
their  brows,  they  courted,  and  loved  !  What  a  sweet 
courtship.  Then  Brahma  married  the  happy  pair,  and 
remarked:  "Remain  here;  you  can  be  happy  on  this 
island,  and  it  is  my  will  that  you  never  leave  it."  Well, 
after  a  little  while  the  man  became  uneasy,  and  said  to 
the  wife  of  his  youth,  "  I  believe  I'll  look  about  a  little." 
He  determined  to  seek  greener  pastures.  He  proceeded 
to  the  western  extremity  of  the  island,  and  discovered  a 
little  narrow  neck  of  land  connecting  the  island  with  the 
mainland,  and  the  devil — they  had  a  genuine  devil  in 
those  days,  too,  it  seems,  who  is  always  "playing  the 
devil "  with  us — produced  a  mirage,  and  over  on  the 
mainland  were  such  hills  and  vales,  such  dells  and  dales, 
such  lofty  mountains  crowned  with  perpetual  snow,  such 
cataracts  clad  in  bows  of  glory,  that  he  rushed  breath- 
lessly back  to  his  wife,  exclaiming:  "O,  Heva  !  the 


708  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

country  over  there  is  a  thousand  times  better  and  lovelier 
than  this;  let  us  migrate."  She,  woman-like,  said: 
"  Adami,  we  must  let  well. enough  alone;  we  have  all  we 
want;  let  us  stay  here."  But  he  said:  "  No,  we  will  go." 
She  followed  him,  and  when  they  came  to  this  narrow 
neck  of  land,  he  took  her  upon  his  back  and  carried  her 
across.  But  at  the  instant  he  put  her  down  there  was  a 
crash,  and  looking  back  they  discovered  that  this  narrow 
neck  of  land  had  fallen  into  the  sea.  The  mirage  had 
disappeared,  and  there  was  nothing  but  rocks  and  sand, 
and  the  Supreme  Brahma  cursed  them  to  the  lowest  hell. 
Then  Adami  spoke — and  it  showed  him  to  be  every  inch 
a  man — "Curse  me,  but  curse  not  her;  it  was  not  her 
fault,  it  was  mine."  (Our  Adam  says,  with  a  pusillani- 
mous whine,  '•  Curse  her,  for  it  is  her  fault:  she  tempted 
me  and  I  did  eat  !  "  The  world,  to-day,  is  teeming  with 
just  such  cowards!)  Then  said  Brahma,  "I  will  save 
her,  but  not  thee."  And  then  spoke  his  wife,  out  of  the 
fullness  of  the  love  of  a  heart  in  which  there  was  enough 
to  make  all  her  daughters  rich  in  holy  affection,  "It 
thou  wilt  not  spare  him,  spare  neither  me;  I  do  not  wish 
to  live  without  him.  I  love  him."  Then  magnanimously 
said  the  Supreme  Brahma,  "I  will  spare  you  both,  and 
watch  over  you  and  your  children  forever  1  " 

Now,  tell  me  truly,  which  is  the  grander  story  ?  The 
book  containing  this  story  is  full  of  good  things;  and  yet 
Christians  style  as  heathens  those  who  have  adopted  this 
book  as  their  guide,  and  spend  thousands  of  dollars  an- 
nually in  sending  missionaries  to  convert  them  ! 

It  has  been  too  often  conceded  that  because  the  new 
testament  contains,  in  many  passages,  a  lofty  and  terse 
expression  of  love  as  the  highest  duty  of  man,  Christianity 


HEREAFTER.  709 

must  have  a  tendency  to  ennoble  his  nature.  But  Chris- 
tianity is  like  sweetened  whisky  and  water — it  perverts 
and  destroys  that  which  it  should  nourish  and  strengthen. 

Christianity  makes  an  often  fatal  attack  on  a  man's 
morality — if  he  happens  to  be  blessed  with  any — by  sub- 
stituting for  the  sentiments  of  love  and  duty  to  our 
neighbors,  a  sense  of  obligation  of  blind  obedience  to  an 
infinite,  mysterious,  revengeful,  tyrannical  God  !  The 
real  principle  of  Christian  morality,  is  servile  obedience 
to  a  dangerous  Power  !  Dispute  the  assertions  of  even 
your  priest  as  to  the  requirements,  dislikes,  desires  and 
wishes  of  the  Almighty,  and  you  might  as  well  count 
yourself  as  lost,  sulphurically  lost  !  If  you  are  one  of 
God's  chosen,  or  in  other  words,  have  been  saved,  and 
are  even  so  fortunate  as  to  attain  to  the  glories  and  joys 
of  the  gold-paved  streets  of  heaven,  you  are  expected,  in 
looking  over  the  bannisters  of  heaven  down  into  the 
abyss  of  eternal  torture,  to  view  with  complacency  the 
agonized  features  of  your  mother,  sister,  brother,  or  in- 
fant child — who  are  writhing  in  hell — and  laugh  at  their 
calamity  !  You  are  not  allowed  to  carry  them  a  drop  of 
water  to  cool  their  parched  tongue  !  And  if  you  are  a 
Christian,  you  at  this  moment  believe  you  will  enjoy  the 
situation  ! 

If  a  man  in  a  quarrel  cuts  down  his  neighbor  in  his 
sins,  the  poor,  miserable,  victim  goes  directly  to  hell  ! 
The  murderer  may  reasonably  count  on  a  lease  of  a  few 
weeks  of  life,  interviews  his  pastor,  confesses  the  crime, 
repents,  accepts  the  grace  of  God,  is  forgiven,  and  then 
smoothly  and  gently  slides  from  the  rudely-constructed 
scaffold  into  a  haven  of  joy  and  bliss,  there  to  sing  the 
praises  of  the  Lamb  of  God  forever  and  forever  !  Poor, 
unfortunate  victim  !  Happy  murderer  ! 


7io  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Ah,    what  a  beautiful    religion    humanitarianism    and 
charity  *  might    become  !     To  do  so  sweet  a  thing  as  to 

*  The  following  incident,  showing  Col.  Ingersoll's  disposition  to  prac- 
tice what  he  preaches  whenever  the  opportunity  presents  itself,  we  have 
never  before  seen  in  print.  One  day,  during  the  winter  of  1863-4,  when 
the  colonel  had  a  law  office  in  Peoria,  ID.— and  before  the  close 
of  the  late  war  of  the  rebellion— a  thinly  clad,  middle-aged,  lady- 
like woman  came  into  his  office  and  asked  assistance,  "My  good  woman, 
why  do  you  ask  it?"  "Sir,  my  husband  is  a  private  in  the  -th  Illinois 
infantry,  and  stationed  somewhere  in  Virginia,  but  I  do  not  know  where 
as  I  have  not  heard  from  him  for  nearly  six  months,  although  previous  to 
that  time  I  seldom  failed  to  get  a  letter  from  him  as  often  as  once  a 
week,  and  whenever  he  received  his  pay  the  most  of  his  money  came  to 
me.  To  tell  the  truth.  I  do  not  know  whether  he  is  living  or  not.  But 
one  thing  I  do  know,  I  do  not  hear  from  him.  I  have  seven  children  to 
provide  for,  but  no  money  in  the  house,  not  a  particle  of  bread  in  the 
pantry,  nor  a  lump  of  coal  in  the  shed,  and  the  landlord  threatening  to 
turn  us  out  in  the  storm.  This  city  pledged  itself  to  give  wives  a  certain 
sum  monthly,  providing  they  consented  to  their  husband's  responding  to 
the  call  of  the  President  for  troops,  but,  disregarding  these  pledges,  we 
and  our  children  are  left  to  starve  and  freeze,  and  to  be  turned  out  of 
our  houses  and  homes  by  relentless  landlords.  Now,  sir,  can  you  tell  me 
what  I  am  to  do? 

The  colonel  drew  his  bandanna  from  his  great  coat  pocket,  lightly 
touched  his  eyes  with  it,  and  rising  to  his  feet,  pointed  to  a  chair— "Sit 
down,  madame,  and  remain  till  I  return.  I  will  be  back  in  a  few  min- 
utes." He  picked  up  a  half-sheet  of  legal-cap  and  a  pencil,  and  departed 
for  the  law  and  other  offices  of  the  building— of  which  there  were  several. 
Entering  the  first  that  appeared,  "Good  morninb,  Smith,  give  me  half-a- 
dollar."  "Well,  now,  colonel,  you  are—"  "Never  mind  if  I  am— I  must 
have  it!"  It  came.  He  entered  another.  "Hello!  colonel,  what's  new?1' 
"I  want  a  half-dollar  from  you!"  "What  for?"  "None  of  your  busi- 
ness—I  want  the  money."  He  got  it.  He  entered  a  third.  "Hello,  Bob! 
Anything  new  on  eter — "  "Never  mind,  I  must  have  fifty  cents!"  "But — '• 
"But  nothing,  Jones,  give  me  what  I  ask  for."  Of  course  he  got  what  he 
asked  for.  So  on  through  fourteen  offices,  from  which  he  obtained  $7. 
Returning  to  his  office,  he  put  his  hand  in  his  own  pocket  and  drew  forth 
a  $5  note,  and  handed  the  woman  $12.  "Take  this,  my  good  woman, 
and  make  it  go  as  far  as  you  can.  If  you  obtain  relief  from  no  other 
source,  call  on  me  again  and  I  will  do  the  best  I  can  for  you!"  And  still 
Col.  Ingersoll  is  styled  by  hell-fire  advocates  an  infidel,  atheist,  dog! 


HEREAFTER.  J\  I 

love  our  neighbors  as  we  love  ourselves;  to  strive  to  at- 
tain to  as  perfect  a  spirit  as  a  Golden  Rule  would  bring 
us  into;  to  make  virtue  lovely  by  living  it,  grandly  and 
nobly  and  patiently  the  outgrowth  of  a  brotherhood  not 
possible  in  this  world  where  men  are  living  away  from 
themselves,  and  trampling  justice  and  mercy  and  forgive- 
ness under  their  feet  ! 

Speaking  of  the  different  religions,  of  course  they  are 
represented  by  the  different  churches;  and  the  best  hold 
of  the  churches,  and  the  surest  way  of  giving  totally  de- 
praved humanity  a  realizing  sense  of  their  utterly  lost 
condition,  is  to  talk  and  preach  hell  with  all  its  horrible, 
terrible  comcomitants.  True,  the  different  priests  advo- 
cate the  doctrine,  only  when  they  see  that  it  is  the  only 
thing  to  rouse  the  sinners  from  their  lethargy;  for  where 
is  the  man  who  will  not  accept  the  grace  of  Jesus  Christ, 
if  he  becomes  convinced  that  his  late  in  the  hereafter  is 
a  terrible  one  !  The  ministers  of  the  different  churches 
know  full  well  which  side  of  their  bread  is  buttered.  A 
priest  is  a  divinity  among  his  people — a  man  around 
whom  his  parishioners  throw  a  glamour  of  sanctity,  and 
one  who  can  do  no  wrong;  albeit,  his  chief  and  growing 
characteristics  are  tyranny,  arrogancy,  self-conceit,  de- 
ception, bigotry  and  superstition  !  Tyrannical  do  I  call 
them  ?  Most  assuredly  !  Suppose,  for  example,  the 
Methodist,  or  Presbyterian  church  had  the  power  to  de- 
cide whether  you,  or  I,  or  any  other  man,  should  be  a 
Methodist  or  Presbyterian,  and  we  should  decline  to  fol- 
low the  path  pointed  out  to  us,  or  either  of  us,  what  I 
solemly  and  candidly  ask  you,  would  be  the  result  ?  Our 
fate  would  be  more  terrible  than  their  endless  hell !  The 
inquisition  would  rise  again  in  all  its  horrid  blackness! 


712  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Instruments  of  torture  would  darken  our  vision  on  every 
hand  1  But,  thank  God — not  that  terrible  being  whom 
Christians  would  have  us  believe  is  our  Maker — this  is  a 
free  land — free  as  the  air  we  breathe;  and  you  and  I  can 
partake  of  the  orthodox  waters  of  life  freely,  or  we  can 
let  them  alone  !  When  I  see  a  man  perched  upon  a 
pedestal  called  a  ' '  pulpit  " — a  man  who  is  one  of  nature's 
noblemen,  physically,  and  fully  able  to  breast  the  storms 
of  life  and  earn  his  honest  living — telling  his  hearers  with 
perspiring  brow  and  all  his  might  and  main  of  the  terrors 
of  the  seething  cauldron  of  hell,  and  how  certain  it  is 
that  they  are  to  be  unceremoniously  dumped  therein  to 
be  boiled  through  all  ages,  yet  never  boiled  done — un- 
less they  seek  salvation — when  I  look  upon  that  man, 
honor  bright,  I  pity  him,  for  I  cannot  help  comparing 
him  with  the  lower  animals  !  Then  there  is  a  reaction, 
and  I  feel  an  utter  contempt  for  him,  for  he  may  know, 
when  he  declares  hell  is  a  reality,  that  he  is  lying  ! 

Now,  of  the  deception  of  the  preacher.  At  the  close 
of  a  sermon  in  an  orthodox  church,  Rev.  Mr.  Solemn- 
face  steps  to  the  side  of  Bro.  Everbright,  who  has  been 
absent  from  the  brimstone-mill  for  several  months: 

"Ah,  Bro.  Everbright,  how  do  you  do?  Long  time 
since  I  have  seen  you;  how's  your  family  ?  Quite  well  ? 
Is  it  well  with  thee  to-day  ?  Rather  lukewarm,  eh  ? 
Sorry,  sorry.  Well,  brother,  can  you  do  something  for 
us  financially,  to-day?  Our  people  think  my  pulpit  is  too 
common,  and  say  a  couple  hundred  will  put  it  in  good 
shape,  and  make  it  desirable  and  attractive.  Can  you 
contribute  a  few  dollars  to  the  fund  ? " 

"Well,  Bro.  Solemnface,  for  four  long  months  I  have 
been  ill;  not  a  day's  work  have  I  done,  and  not  a  cent 


HEREAFTER.  713 

of  money  have  I  that  I  can  call  my  own.     Next  year  I 
trust  I  can  do  something  for  the  cause  of  my  Maker." 

"  Ah-h- h-h-h-h  !  "  and  Bro.  S.'s  face  assumes  a  terri- 
ble look  of  disappointment,  and  he  is  gone  in  a  moment. 

Out  upon  such  a  fraud  !  The  pulpits  of  the  land  are 
full  of  them.  The  world  is  cursed  with  them  !  They 
possess  all  the  elements  of  vagabonds,  dead-beats,  falsi- 
fiers, beggars,  vultures,  hyenas  and  jackals  ! 

In  past  ages  the  cross  has  been  in  partnership  with  the 
sword,  and  the  religion  of  Christ  was  established  by 
murderers,  tyrants  and  hypocrites.  I  want  you  to  know 
that  the  church  carried  the  black  flag,  and  I  ask  you 
what  must  have  been  the  civilizing  influence  of  such  a 
religion  ? 

Of  all  the  selfish  things  in  this  world,  it  is  one  man 
wanting  to  get  to  heaven,  caring  nothing  what  becomes 
of  the  rest  of  mankind,  saying:  "  If  I  can  only  get  my 
little  soul  in  !  "  I  have  always  noticed  that  the  people 
who  have  the  smallest  souls  make  the  most  fuss  about 
getting  them  saved.  Here  is  what  we  are  taught  by  the 
church  of  to-day.  We  are  taught  by  them  that  fathers 
and  mothers  can  all  be  happy  in  heaven,  no  matter  who 
may  be  in  hell;  that  the  husband  could  be  happy  there, 
with  the  wife  that  would  have  died  for  him  at  any  mo- 
ment of  his  life,  in  hell.  But  they  say,  ' '  Hell,  we  don't 
believe  in  fire.  I  don't  think  you  understand  me.  What 
we  believe  in  now  is  remorse."  What  will  you  have  re- 
morse for  ?  For  the  mean  things  you  have  done  when 
you  are  in  hell  ?  Will  you  have  any  remorse  for  the 
mean  things  you  have  done  when  you  are  in  heaven  ?  Or 
will  you  be  so  good  then  that  you  won't  care  how  you 
used  to  be  ?  I  tell  you  to-day,  that  no  matter  in  what 


714  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

heaven  you  may  be,  no  matter  in~what  star  you  are 
spending  the  summer,  if  you  meet  another  man  whom 
you  have  wronged,  you  "will  drop  a  little  behind  in  the 
tune.  And,  no  matter  in  what  part  of  hell  you  are,  you 
will  meet  some  one  who  has  suffered,  whose  nakedness 
you  have  clothed,  and  the  fire  will  cool  up  a  little.  Ac- 
cording to  this  Christian  doctrine,  you  won't  care  how 
mean  you  were  once.  Is  it  a  compliment  to  an  infinite 
God  to  say  that  every  being  He  ever  made  deserved  to 
be  damned  the  minute  He  had  got  him  done,  and  that 
He  will  damn  everybody  He  has  not  had  a  chance  to 
make  over  ?  Is  it  possible  that  somebody  else  can  be 
good  for  me,  and  that  this  doctrine  of  the  atonement  is 
the  only  anchor  for  the  human  soul  ? 

We  sit  by  the  fireside  and  see  the  flames  and  sparks 
fly  up  the  chimney — everybody  happy,  and  the  cold  wind 
and  sleet  beating  on  the  window,  and  out  on  the  door- 
step a  mother  with  a  child  on  her  breast  freezing.  How 
happy  it  makes  a  fire,  that  beautiful  contrast.  And  we 
say  God  is  good,  and  there  we  sit,  and  there  she  sits  and 
moans,  not  one  night,  but  forever.  Or  we  are  sitting  at 
the  table  with  our  wives  and  children,  everybody  eating, 
happy  and  delighted,  and  Famine  comes  and  pushes  out 
its  shriveled  palms,  and,  with  hungry  eyes,  implores  us 
for  a  crust;  how  that  would  increase  the  appetite  !  And 
that  is  the  Christian  heaven.  Don't  you  see  that  these 
infamous  doctrines  petrify  the  human  heart  ?  And  I 
would  have  every  one  who  hears  me  swear  that  he  will 
never  contribute  another  dollar  to  build  another  church, 
in  which  is  taught  such  infamous  lies.  Let  every  man 


HEREAFTER. 


715 


try  to  make  every  day  a  joy,  and  God  cannot  afford  to 
damn  such  a  man.  Consequently  humanity  is  the  only 
real  religion. 

"Man's  inhumanity  to  man 
Makes  countless  millions  mourn." 


INGEKSOLL'S  LECTURE 


— ON   THE — 


REVIEW  OF  HIS  REVIEWERS. 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN:  "What  have  I  said?" 
"  What  has  been  my  offense?  I  have  been  spoken  of  as 
if  I  were  a  wolf  endeavoring  to  devour  the  entire  fold  of 
sheep  in  the  absence  of  the  shepherd."  I  believe  in  the 
trinity  of  observation,  reason  and  science;  the  trinity  of 
man,  woman  and  child;  the  trinity  of  love,  joy  and  hope; 
and  thought  that  every  man  has  a  right  to  think  for  him- 
self, and  no  other  man  has  the  right  to  debar  him  of  this 
privilege  by  torture,  by  social  ostracism,  or  any  of  the 
numerous  other  expedients  resorted  to  by  the  enemies  of 
advancement.  I  ask:  "  Does  God  wish  the  lip-worship 
of  a  slave?  a  sneak?  of  the  man  that  dares  not  reason? 
If  I  were  the  infinite  God,  I  would  rather  have  the  wor- 
ship of  one  good  man  of  brains  than  a  world  of  such 
men.  I  am  told  that  I  am  in  danger  of  everlasting  fire, 
and  that  I  shall  burn  forever  in  hell.  I  tell  you,  my 
friends,  if  I  were  going  to  hell  to  night  I  would  take  an 

716 


REVIEW  OF  HIS  REVIEWERS. 

overcoat  with  me.  Do  not  tell  me  that  the  eternal  fu- 
ture of  a  man  may  depend  upon  his  belief.  I  deny  it. 
That  a  man  should  be  punished  for  having  come  to  an 
honest  conclusion,  the  honest  production  of  his  brain; 
that  an  honest  conclusion  should  be  deemed  a  crime  and 
so  declared,  it  is  an  infamous,  monstrous  assertion,  and 
I  would  rather  go  to  hell  than  to  keep  the  company  of  a 
God  who  would  damn  his  child  for  an  honest  belief. 

"  Next,  I  '  preached  '  that  a  woman  was  the  equal  of 
man,  entitled  to  everything  that  he  is  entitled  to,  to  be 
his  partner,  and  to  be  cherisned  and  respected  because 
she  is  the  weaker,  to  be  treated  as  a  splendid  flower.  I 
said  that  man  should  not  be  cross  to  her,  but  fill  the 
house  that  she  is  in  with  such  joy  that  it  would  burst  out 
at  the  window.  I  have  said  that  matrimony  is  the  holiest 
of  sacraments,  and  I  have  said  that  the  bible  took  wom- 
an up  thousands  of  years  ago  and  handed  her  down  to 
man  as  a  slave,  and  I  have  said  that  the  bible  is  a  bar- 
barous book  for  teaching  that  she  is  a  slave,  and  I  repeat 
it,  and  will  prove  later  what  I  have  said.  I  have  pleaded 
for  the  right  of  man,  of  wife,  and  of  the  little  child;  I 
have  said  we  can  govern  children  by  love  and  affection;! 
have  asked  for  tender  treatment  for  the  child  of  crime;  I 
have  asked  mothers  to  cease  beating  their  children  and 
take  them  to  their  hearts;  and  for  this  I  am  denounced  by 
the  religious  press  and  men  in  the  pulpits  as  a  demon  and 
a  monster  of  heresy,  who  should  be  driven  out  from 
among  you  as  an  unclean  thing. 

"  But  I  should  not  complain.  Only  a  few  years  ago  I 
should  have  been  compelled  to  look  at  my  denouncers 
through  flame  and  smoke;  but  they  dare  not  treat  me  so 
now  or  they  would.  One  hundred  years  ago  I  should 


718  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

have  been  burned  for  claiming  the  right  of  reason;  fifty 
years  ago  I  should  have  been  imprisoned  and  my  wife 
and  children  would  have,  been  torn  away  from  me,  and 
twenty-five  years  ago  I  could  not  have  made  a  living  in 
the  United  States  in  my  profession — the  law.  But  I  live 
now  and  can  see  through  it  all,  and  all  is  light.  I 
delivered  another  lecture,  on  "Ghosts,"  in  which  I 
sought  to  show  that  man  had  been  controlled  in  the  past 
by  phantoms  created  by  his  own  imagination;  in  which 
the  pencil  of  fear  had  drawn  pictures  for  him  on  the  can- 
vass of  superstition,  and  that  men  had  groveled  in  the 
dirt  before  their  own  superstitious  creations.  I  endeavored 
to  show  that  man  had  received  nothing  from  these  ghosts 
but  hatred,  blood,  ignorance  and  unhappiness,  and  that 
they  had  filled  our  world  with  woe  and  tears.  This  is 
what  I  endeavored  to  show — no  more.  Now,  every  one 
has  as  much  right  to  differ  with  me  as  I  with  them,  but 
it  does  not  make  the  slightest  difference  for  the  purpose 
of  argument  whether  I  am  a  good  man  or  a  bad,  whether 
I  am  ugly  or  handsome — although  I  would  not  object  to 
resting  my  case  on  that  issue;  the  only  thing  to  be  con- 
sidered and  discussed  is,  is  what  I  have  said  true,  or  is  it 
untrue? 

4 'Now,  I  said  that  the  bible  came  from  the  ghosts, 
and  that  they  gave  us  the  doctrine  of  immortality  of  the 
soul,  which  I  deny.  Now,  the  immortality  of  the  soul, 
if  there  is  such  a  thing,  is  a  fact,  and  therefore  no  book 
could  make  it.  If  I  am  immortal,  I  am;  if  not,  no  book 
can  make  me  so.  The  doctrine  of  immortality  is  based 
in  the  hope  of  the  human  heart,  and  is  not  derived  from 
any  book  or  a  creed.  It  has  its  origin  in  the  ebb  and 
flow  of  the  human  affections,  and  will  continue  as  long  as 


REVIEW  OF  HIS  REVIEWERS.  719 

affection,  and  is  the  rainbow  in  the  sky  of  hope.  It  does 
not  depend  on  a  book,  on  ghosts,  superstition  of  any 
kind;  it  is  a  flower  of  the  human  heart.  I  did  say  that 
these  ghosts,  or  the  book,  taught  that  human  slavery  was 
right,  that  most  monstrous  of  all  crimes,  that  makes 
miserable  the  victim  and  debases  the  master,  for  a  slave 
can  have  all  the  virtues  while  the  master  can  not.  I  did 
say  that  it  rivited  the  chains  upon  the  oppressed,  and 
that  it  counseled  the  robbing  of  that  most  precious  of  all 
boons — Liberty.  I  add  that  the  book  upheld  all  this, 
that  it  sustained  and  sanctified  the  institution  of  human 
slavery.  I  did  also  assert  that  this  same  book,  which  my 
critics  claim  was  inspired  by  God,  inculcated  the  doctrine 
of  witchcraft,  for  which  people,  through  its  teaching  were 
hanged  and  burned  for  bringing  disease  upon  the  regal 
persons  of  kings,  and  for  souring  beer.  I  did  say  that 
this  book  upheld  that  most  of  all  infamies,  polygamy, 
and  that  it  did  not  teach  political  liberty  or  religious 
toleration,  but  political  slavery  and  the  most  wretched 
intolerance.  I  did  try  to  prove  that  these  ghosts  knew 
less  than  nothing  about  medicine,  politics,  legislation, 
astronomy,  geology  and  astrology,  but  I  am  also  aware 
that  in  saying  these  things  I  have  done  what  my  censors 
think  I  ought  not  to  have  done.  But  the  victor  ought 
not  to  feel  malice,  and  I  shall  have  none.  As  soon  as  I 
had  said  all  these  things,  some  gentlemen  felt  called  upon 
to  answer  them,  which  they  had  a  right  to  do.  Now,  I 
like  fairness,  am  enamored  with  it,  probably  because  I 
get  so  little  of  it.  I  can  say  a  great  many  mean  things, 
for  I  have  read  all  the  religious  papers,  and  I  ought  to  be 
able  to  account  for  every  motive  in  a  mean  manner  after 
that,  but  I  will  not. 


720  INGERSOLLS    LECTURES. 

"  The  first  gentleman  whom  I  shall  call  your  attention 
to  is  the  Rev.  Dr.  Woodbridge.  It  seems  that  when 
I  delivered  my  lectures  the  conclusion  had  come  to  that 
'  that  man  does  not  believe  in  anything  but  matter  and 
force — that  man  does  not  believe  in  spirit.  '  Why  not? 
If  by  spirit  you  mean  that  which  thinks,  I  am  one  of 
them  myself.  If  you  mean  by  spirit  that  which  hopes 
and  reasons  and  loves  and  aspires,  why,  then,  I  am  a  be- 
liever in  spirits;  but  whatever  spirit  there  is  in  this  uni- 
verse I  will  take  my  oath  is  a  natural  product  and  not 
superimposed  upon  this  -world.  All  I  will  say  is  that 
whatever  is,  is  natural,  and  there  is  as  much  goodness  in 
my  judgment,  as  much  spirit  here  in  this  world  as  in  any 
other,  and  you  are  just  as  near  the  heart  of  the  universe 
here  as  you  ever  can  be.  But,  they  say,  "  there  is 
matter  and  force,  and  there  is  force  and  there  is  spirit. " 
Well,  what  of  it?  There  is  no  matter  without  force. 
What  would  keep  it  together  unless  there  was  force?  Can 
you  imagine  matter  without  force?  Honor  bright,  can 
you  conceive  of  force  without  matter?  And  what  is 
spirit?  They  say  spirit  is  the  first  thing  that  ever  was. 
It  seems  to  me  sometimes  as  though  spirit  was  the 
blossom  and  fruit  of  all,  and  not  the  commencement. 
But  they  say  spirit  was  first.  What  would  that  spirit  do? 
No  force — no  matter — a  spirit  living  in  an  infinite  vacu- 
um without  side,  edge  or  bottom.  This  spirit  created 
the  world;  and  if  this  spirit  did,  there  must  have  been  a 
time  when  it  commenced  to  create,  and  back  of  that  an 
eternity  spent  in  absolute  idleness.  Can  a  spirit  exist 
without  matter  or  without  force?  I  honestly  say  I  do  not 
know  what  matter  is,  what  force  is,  what  spirit  is;  but  if 
you  mean  by  matter  anything  that  I  can  touch,  or  by 


REVIEW  OF  HIS  REVIEWERS. 

force  anything  that  we  can  overcome  then  I  believe  in 
them.  If  you  mean  by  spirit  anything  that  can  think  and 
love,  I  believe  in  spirits. 

"The  next  critic  who  assailed  me  was  the  Rev.  Mr. 
Kalloch.  I  am  not  going  to  show  you  what  I  can  withstand, 
lam  not  going  to  say  a  word  about  the  reputation  of  this 
man,  although  he  took  some  liberties  with  mine.  This 
gentleman  says  negation  is  a  poor  thing  to  die  by.  I  would 
just  as  lief  die  by  that  as  the  opposite.  He  spoke  of  the 
last  hours  of  Paine  and  Voltaire  and  the  terrors  of  their 
death-beds;  but  the  question  arises,  is  there  a  word  of 
truth  in  all  he  said?  I  have  observed  that  the  murderer 
dies  with  courage  and  firmness  in  many  instances,  but 
that  does  not  make  me  think  that  it  sanctified  his  crime; 
in  fact,  it  makes  no  impression  upon  me  one  way  or  the 
other.  When  a  man  through  old  age  or  infirmity  ap- 
proaches death  the  intellectual  faculties  are  dimmed,  his 
his  senses  become  less  and  less,  and  as  he  loses  these  he 
goes  back  to  his  old  superstition.  Old  age  brings  back 
the  memories  of  childhood.  And  the  great  bard  gave 
even  in  the  corrupt  and  besotted  Falstaff — who  prattled 
of  babbling  brooks  and  green  fields — an  instance  of  the 
retracing  steps  taken  by  the  memory  at  the  last  gasp.  It 
has  been  said  that  the  bible  was  sanctified  by  our  mothers. 
Every  superstition  in  the  world,  from  the  beginning  of 
all  time,  has  had  such  a  sanctification.  The  Turk  dying 
on  the  Russian  battle-field  pressing  the  Koran  to  his 
bosom,  breathes  his  last  thinking  of  the  loving  adjura- 
tion of  his  mother  to  guard  it.  Every  superstition  has 
been  rendered  sacred  by  the  love  of  a  mother.  I  know 
what  it  has  cost  the  noble  and  the  brave  to  throw  to  the 
winds  these  superstitions.  Since  the  death  of  Voltaire, 


722  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

who  was  innocent  of  all  else  than  a  desire  to  shake  off 
the  superstitions  of  the  past,  the  curse  of  Rome  has  pur- 
sued him,  and  ignorant  protestants  have  echoed  that 
curse.  I  like  Voltaire.  Whenever  I  think  of  him  it  is 
as  a  plumed  knight  coming  from  the  fray  with  victory 
shining  upon  his  brow.  He  was  once  in  the  Bastile,  and 
while  there  he  changed  his  name  from  Francis  Marie 
Aloysius  to  Voltaire;  and  when  the  Bastile  was  torn  down 
"  Voltaire  "  was  the  battle  cry  of  those  who  did  it.  He 
did  more  to  bring  about  religious  toleration  than  any  man 
in  the  galaxy  of  those  who  strove  for  the  privilege  of  free 
thought.  He  was  always  on  the  side  of  justice.  He  was 
full  of  faults  and  had  many  virtues.  His  doctrines  have 
never  brought  unhappiness  to  any  country.  He  died  as 
serenely  as  anyone  could.  Speaking  to  his  servant,  he 
said,  "  Farewell  my  faithful  friend."  Could  he  have 
done  a  more  noble  act  than  to  recognize  him  who  had 
served  him  faithfully  as  a  man?  What  more  could  he 
wished?  And  now  let  me  say  here,  I  will  give  a  $  1,000 
in  gold  to  any  clergyman  who  can  substantiate  that  the 
death  of  Voltaire  was  not  as  peaceful  as  the  dawn.  And 
of  Thomas  Paine,  whom  they  assert  died  in  fear  and 
agony,  frightened  by  the  clanking  chains  of  devils,  in  fact, 
frightened  to  death  by  God — I  will  give  $1,000  likewise 
to  anyone  who  can  substantiate  this  absurd  story — a 
story  without  a  word  of  truth  in  it.  And  let  me  ask,  who 
dies  in  the  most  fear,  the  man  who,  like  the  saint,  ex- 
claims: "My  God,  my  God!  why  hast  thou  forsaken 
me?"  or  Voltaire,  who  peacefully  and  quietly  bade  his 
servant  farewell?  The  question  is  not  who  died  right, 
but  who  lived  right.  I  look  upon  death  as  the  most  un- 
important moment  of  life,  and  believe  that  not  half  the 


REVIEW  OF  HIS  REVIEWERS.  723 

responsibility  is  attached  to  dying  that  is  to  living  pro- 
perly. This  Rev.  Mr.  Kalloch  is  a  baptist.  He  has  a 
right  to  be  a  baptist.  The  first  baptist,  though  was  a 
heretic;  but  it  is  among  the  wonders  that  when  a  heretic 
gets  fifteen  or  twenty  to  join  him  he  suddenly  begins  to 
be  orthodox.  Roger  Williams  was  a  baptist,  but  how  he, 
or  anyone  not  destitude  of  good  sense,  could  be  one, 
passes  my  comprehension.  Let  me  illustrate: 

"Suppose  it  was  the  Day  of  Judgment  to-night  and 
we  were  all  assembled,  as  the  ghosts,  say  we  will  be,  to 
be  judged,  and  God  should  ask  a  man: 

"  'Have  you  been  a  good  man? ' 

"  'Yes.' 

"  '  Have  you  loved  your  wife  and  children? ' 

"  'Yes.' 

"  '  Have  you  taken  good  care  of  them  and  made  them 
happy? ' 

"  'Yes.' 

"  '  Have  you  tried  to  do  right  by  your  neighbors?  ' 

"  'Yes.' 

"  'Paid  all  your  debts?' 

"  'Yes.' 

41  And  then  cap  the  climax  by  asking: 

"  'Were  you  ever  baptized?' 

"  Could  a  solitary  being  hear  that  question  without 
laughing?  I  think  not.  I  once  happened  to  be  in  the 
company  of  six  or  seven  baptist  elders  (I  never  have 
been  able  to  understand  since  how  I  got  into  such  bad 
company),  and  they  wanted  to  know  what  I  thought  of 
baptism.  I  answered  that  I  had  not  given  the  matter 
any  attention,  in  fact  I  had  no  special  opinion  upon  the 
subject.  But  they  pressed  me  and  finally  I  told  them  that 


724  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

I  thought,  with  soap  baptism  was  a  good  thing. 
' '  The  Rev.  Mr.  Guard  has  attacked  me,  and  has  de- 
scribed me,  among  other  things,  as  a  dog  barking  at  a 
train.  Of  course  he  was  the  train.  He  said,  first,  the 
bible  is  not  an  immoral  book,  because  I  swore  upon  it 
when  I  joined  the  Free  and  Accepted  Masons.  That 
settles  the  question.  Secondly,  he  says  that  Solomon 
had  softening  of  the  brain  and  fatty  degeneration  of  the 
heart;  thirdly,  that  the  Hebrews  had  the  right  to  slay  all 
the  inhabitants  of  Canaan  according  to  the  doctrine  of 
the  survival  of  the  fittest.  He  says  that  the  destruction 
of  these  Canaanites,  the  ripping  open  by  the  bloody 
sword  of  women  with  child  was  an  act  of  sublime  mercy. 
Think  of  that!  He  says  that  the  Canaanites  should  have 
been  driven  from  their  homes,  and  not  only  driven,  but 
that  the  men  who  simply  were  guilty  of  the  crime  of  fight- 
ing for  their  native  land — the  old  men  with  gray  hairs;  the 
old  mothers,  the  young  mothers,  the  little  dimpled,  prat- 
tling child — that  it  was  an  act  of  sublime  mercy  to  plunge 
the  sword  of  religious  persecution  into  old  and  young. 
If  that  is  mercy,  let  us  have  injustice.  If  there  is  that 
kind  of  a  God  I  am  sorry  that  I  exist.  Fourthly,  Mr. 
Guard  said  God  has  the  right  to  do  as  he  pleases  with 
the  beings  he  has  created;  and,  fifthly,  that  God,  by 
choosing  the  Jews  and  governing  them  personally,  spoiled 
them  to  that  degree  that  they  crucified  Him  the  first  op- 
portunity they  had.  That  shows  what  a  good  adminis- 
tration will  do.  Sixthly,  He  says  polygamy  is  not  a  bad 
thing  when  compared  with  the  picture  of  Antony  and 
Cleopatra,  now  on  exhibition  in  this  city.  I  will  just  say 
one  word  about  art.  I  think  this  is  one  of  the  most 
beautiful  words  in  our  language,  and  do  you  know,  it 


REVIEW  OF  HIS  REVIEWERS.  72$ 

never  seemed  to  me  necessary  for  art  to  go  into  partner- 
ship with  a  rag?  I  like  the  paintings  of  Angelo,  of 
Raphael — I  like  those  splendid  souls  that  are  put  upon 
canvas — all  there  is  of  human  beauty.  There  are  brave 
souls  in  every  land  who  worship  nature  grand  and  nude, 
and  who,  with  swift,  indignant  hand,  tear  off  the  fig 
leaves  of  the  prude.  Seventhly,  it  may  be  said  that  the 
bible  sanctions  slavery,  but  that  it  is  not  an  immoral 
book  if  it  does.  Mr.  Guard  playfully  says  that  he  is  a 
puppy  nine  days  old;  that  he  was  only  eight  days  old 
when  I  came  here.  I'm  inclined  to  think  he  has  over- 
stated his  age.  I  account  for  his  argument  precisely  as 
he  did  for  the  sin  of  Solomon,  softening  of  the  brain,  or 
fatty  degeneration  of  the  heart.  It  does  seem  to  me  that 
if  I  were  a  good  Christian  and  knew  that  another  man 
was  going  down  to  the  bottomless  pit  to  be  miserable  and 
in  agony  forever  I  would  try  to  stop  him,  and  instead  of 
filling  my  mouth  with  epithet  and  invective,  and  drawing 
the  lips  of  malice  back  from  the  teeth  of  hatred,  my  eyes 
would  be  filled  with  tears,  and  I  would  do  what  I  could 
to  reclaim  him  and  take  him  up  in  the  arms  of  my  affec- 
tion. 

"  The  next  gentleman  is  the  Rev.  Mr.  Robinson,  who 
delivered  a  sermon  entitled  '  Ghost  against  God,  or 
Ingersoll  against  Honesty.'  Of  course  he  was  honesty. 
He  apologized  for  attending  an  infidel  lecture  upon  the 
ground  that  he  hated  to  contribute  to  the  support  of  a 
materialistic  showman.  I  am  willing  to  trade  fagots  for 
epithets,  and  the  rack  for  anything  that  may  be  said  in 
his  sermon.  I  am  willing  to  trade  the  instrument  of  tor- 
ture with  which  they  could  pull  the  nails  from  my  fingers 
for  anything  which  the  ingenuity  of  orthodoxy  can  invent. 


726  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

When  I  saw  that  report — although  I  do  not  know  that  I 
ought  to  tell  it — I  felt  bad.  I  knew  that  man's  conscience 
must  be  rankling  like  a  snake  in  his  bosom,  that  he  had 
contributed  a  dollar  to  the  support  of  a  man  as  bad  as  I. 
I  wrote  him  a  letter,  in  which  I  said:  "The  Rev. 
Samuel  Robinson,  My  Dear  Sir :  In  order  to  relieve 
your  conscience  of  the  stigma  of  having  contributed  to 
the  support  of  an  unbeliever  in  Ghosts,  I  herewith 
enclose  the  dollar  you  paid  to  attend  my  lecture."  I 
then  gave  him  a  little  good  advice  to  be  charitable,  and 
regretted  exceedingly  that  any  man  could  listen  to  me  for 
an  hour  and  a  half  and  not  go  away  satisfied  that  other 
men  had  the  same  right  to  think  that  he  had. 

The  speaker  went  on  to  answer  the  argument  of  Mr. 
Robinson  with  regard  to  persecution,  contending  that 
protestants  had  been  guilty  of  it  no  less  than  catholics; 
and  showing  that  the  first  people  to  pass  an  act  of  toler- 
ation in  the  new  world  were  the  catholics  in  Maryland. 
The  reverend  gentleman  has  stated  also  that  infidelity 
has  done  nothing  for  the  world  in  the  development  of  art 
and  science.  Has  he  ever  heard  of  Darwin,  of  Tyndall, 
of  Huxley,  of  John  W.  Draper,  of  Auguste  Comte,  of 
Descartes,  Laplace,  Spinoza,  or  any  man  who  has  taken 
a  step  in  advance  of  his  time?  Orthodoxy  never 
advances,  when  it  does  advance,  it  ceases  to  be  orthodoxy. 

A  reply  to  certain  strictures  in  the  Occident  led  the 
lecturer  up  to  another  ministerial  critic,  namely,  the  Rev. 
W.  E.  Ijams. 

"  I  want  to  say  that,  so  far  as  I  can  see,  in  his  argu- 
ment this  gentleman  has  treated  me  in  a  kind  and  con- 
siderate spirit.  He  makes  to  or  three  mistakes,  but  I 
suppose  they  are  the  fault  of  the  report  from  which  he 


REVIEW  OF  HIS  REVIEWERS.  727 

quoted.  I  am  made  to  say  in  his  sermon  that  there  is  no 
sacred  place  in  the  universe.  What  I  did  say  was: 
"  There  is  no  sacred  place  in  all  the  universe  of  thought; 
there  'is  nothing  too  holy  to  be  investigated,  nothing  too 
sacred  to  be  understood,  and  I  said  that  the  fields  of 
thought  were  fenceless,  that  they  should  be  without  a 
wall. "  I  say  so  to-night.  He  further  said  that  I  said 
that  a  man  had  not  only  the  right  to  do  right,  but  to  do 
wrong.  What  I  did  say,  was:  "  Liberty  is  the  right  to 
do  right,  and  the  right  to  think  right,  and  the  right  to 
think  wrong,"  not  the  right  to  do  wrong.  That  is  all  I 
have  to  say  in  regard  to  that  gentleman,  except  that,  so 
far  as  I  could  see,  he  was  perfectly  fair,  and  treated  me 
as  though  I  was  a  human  being  as  well  as  he." 

The  speaker  sarcastically  referred  to  the  slurs  thrown 
upon  him  by  his  reviewers,  who  have  claimed  that  his 
theories  have  no  foundation,  his  arguments  no  reason, 
and  that  his  utterances  are  vapid,  blasphemous,  and  un- 
worthy a  reply.  He  said  that  their  statements  and  their 
actions  were  sadly  at  variance,  for,  while  declaring  him 
a  senseless  idiot,  they  spent  hours  in  striving  to  prove 
themselves  not  idiots;  in  other  words,  in  one  breath  they 
declare  that  his  views  were  absolutely  without  point,  and 
needed  no  explaining  away;  while  in  direct  rebuttal  of 
this  declaration,  they  devoted  time  and  labor  in  attempts 
to  disprove  the  very  things  they  called  self-evident 
absurdities. 

Turning  from  this  subject,  Mr.  Ingersoll  read  numer- 
ous extracts  from  the  bible,  with  interpolated  comments. 
He  claimed  that  the  bible  authorized  slavery,  and  that 
many  devoted  believers  in  that  book  had  turned  the  cross 
of  Christ  into  a  whipping  post.  He  did  not  wish  it  under- 


728  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

« 

stood  that  he  could  find  no  good  in  believers  in  creeds; 
far  from  it,  for  some  of  his  dearest  friends  were  most 
orthodox  in  their  religious,  ideas,  and  there  had  been 
hundreds  of  thousands  of  good  men  among  both  clergy 
and  laymen.  History  has  shown  no  people  more  nobly 
self-sacrificing  than  the  Jesuit  Fathers  who  first  visited 
this  country  to  proselyte  among  the  Indians.  But  these 
men  and  their  like  were  better  than  their  creeds;  better 
than  the  book  in  which  their  faith  was  centered.  The 
bible  tells  us  distinctly  that  the  world  was  made  in  six 
days — not  periods,  but  actual,  bona  fide  days —  a  state- 
ment which  it  iterates  and  re-iterates.  It  also  tells  us 
that  God  lengthened  the  day  for  the  benefit  of  a  gentle- 
man named  Joshua,  in  other  words,  that  he  stopped  the 
rotary  motion  of  the  earth.  Motion  is  changed  into  heat 
by  stoppage,  and  the  world  turns  with  such  velocity  that 
its  sudden  stoppage  would  create  a  heat  of  intensity  be- 
yond the  wildest  flight  of  our  imagination,  and  yet  this 
impossible  feat  was  performed  that  Joshua  might  have 
longer  time  to  expend  in  slaying  a  handful  of  Amorites. 
The  bible  also  upholds  the  doctrines  of  witchcraft  and 
spiritualism,  for  Saul  visited  the  witch  of  Endor,  and  she, 
after  preparing  the  cabinet,  trotted  out  the  spirit  of 
Samuel,  said  spirit  kindly  joining  in  conversation  with 
Saul,  without  requiring  the  aid  of  a  trance  medium.  The 
speaker  then  quoted  at  length  from  Leviticus  concerning 
wizards  and  evil  spirits,  described  the  temptation  of 
Christ  by  Satan,  and  the  driving  of  devils  from  man  into 
swine.  He  sneered  at  the  rights  of  children  as  biblically 
described,  citing  the  law  which  sentenced  them  to  be 
stoned  to  death  for  disobedience  to  parents,  the  almost 
sacrifice  of  Isaac  by  his  father,  and  the  actual  murder  of 


REVIEW  OF  HIS  REVIEWERS.  729 

Jephthah's  daughter,  asking  if  a  God  who  could  demand 
such  worship  was  worthy  the  love  of  man.  He  next  re- 
ferred to  the  conversation  between  God  and  Satan  con- 
cerning the  man  Job,  and  of  the  reward  given  to  the 
latter  for  his  long  continued  patience.  His  three  daughters 
and  his  seven  sons  had  been  taken  from  him  merely  to 
test  his  patience,  and  the  merciful  God  gave  him  in  ex- 
change three  other  daughters  and  seven  sons,  but  they 
were  not  the  children  whom  he  had  loved  and  lost.  The 
bible  represents  woman  as  vastly  inferior  to  man,  while 
he  believed,  with  Robbie  Burns,  that  God  made  man 
with  a  prentice-hand,  and  woman  after  He  had  learned 
the  trade.  Polygamy,  also,  was  a  doctrine  supported  by 
this  pure  and  pious  work;  a  doctrine  so  foul  that  language 
is  not  strong  enough  to  express  its  infamy.  The  bible 
taught,  as  a  religious  creed,  that  if  your  wife,  your  sister, 
your  brother,  your  dearest  friend,  tempted  you  to  change 
from  the  religion  of  your  fathers,  your  duty  to  God 
demanded  that  you  should  at  once  strike  a  blow  at  the 
life  of  your  tempter.  Let  us  suppose,  then,  that  in  truth 
God  went  to  Palestine  and  selected  the  scanty  tribes  of 
Israel  as  his  chosen  people,  and  supposing  that  he  after- 
ward came  to  Jerusalem  in  the  shape  of  a  man  and 
taught  a  different  doctrine  from  the  one  prescribed  by 
their  book  and  their  clergy,  and  that  the  chosen  people, 
in  obedience  to  the  education  he  had  prepared  for  them, 
struck  at  the  life  of  him  who  tempted  them.  Were  they 
to  be  cursed  by  God  and  man  because  the  former  had 
reaped  the  harvest  of  his  own  sowing? 


INGERSOLL'S  LECTURE 


— ON — 


"HOW  THE  GODS  GROW." 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMENN:  Priests  have  invented  a 
crime  called  blasphemy.  That  crime  is  the  breastwork 
behind  which  ignorance,  superstition  and  hypocrisy  have 
crouched  for  thousands  of  years,  and  shot  their  poisoned 
arrows  at  the  pioneers  of  human  thought.  Priests  tell  us 
that  there  is  a  God  somewhere  in  heaven  who  objects  to 
a  human  being  thinking  and  expressing  his  thought. 
Priests  tell  us  that  there  is  a  God  somewhere  who  takes 
care  of  the  people  of  this  world;  a  God  somewhere  who 
watches  over  the  widow  and  the  orphan;  a  God  some- 
where who  releases  the  slave;  a  God  somewhere  who  visits 
the  innocent  man  in  prison ;  the  same  God  that  has  allowed 
men  for  thousands  of  years  to  burn  to  ashes  human  beings 
simply  for  loving  that  God.  We  have  been  taught  that 
it  is  dangerous  to  reason  upon  these  subjects — extremely 
dangerous — and  that  of  all  crimes  in  the  world,  the 
greatest  is  to  deny  the  existence  of  that  God. 

Redden  your  hands  in  innocent  blood;  steal  the  bread 

730 


HOW  THE  GODS  GROW.  731 

of  the  orphan,  deceive,  ruin  and  desert  the  beautiful  girl 
who  has  loved  and  trusted  you,  and  for  all  this  you  may 
be  forgiven;  for  all  this  you  can  have  the  clear  writ  of 
that  bankrupt  court  of  the  gospel.  But  deny  the  exist- 
ence of  one  of  these  gods,  and  the  tearful  face  of  mercy 
becomes  lurid  with  eternal  hate;  the  gates  of  heaven  are 
shut  against  you,  and  you,  with  an  infinite  curse  ringing 
in  your  ears,  commence  your  wanderings  as  an  immortal 
vagrant,  as  a  deathless  convict,  as  an  eternal  outcast. 
And  we  have  been  taught  that  the  infinite  has  become 
enraged  at  the  finite  simply  when  the  finite  said:  "  I  don't 
know!"  Why,  imagine  it.  Suppose  Mr.  Smith  should 
hear  a  couple  of  small  bugs  in  his  front  yard  discussing 
the  question  as  to  the  existence  of  Smith;  and  suppose 
one  little  red  bug  swore  on  the  honor  of  a  bug  that,  in  his 
judgment,  no  such  man  as  Smith  lived.  What  would 
you  think  of  Mr.  Smith  if  he  fell  into  a  rage,  and  brought 
his  heel  down  on  this  little  atheist  bug  and  said:  "  I  will 
teach  you  that  Smith  is  a  diabolical  fact!  "  And  yet  if 
there  is  an  infinite  God,  there  is  infinitely  a  greater  dif- 
ference between  that  God  and  a  human  being  than  be- 
tween Shakespeare  and  the  smallest  bug  that  ever 
crawled.  It  cannot  be;  there  is  something  wrong  in  this 
thing  somewhere. 

I  am  told,  also,  that  this  being  watches  over  us,  takes 
care  of  us.  And  the  other  day  I  read  a  sermon  (you  will 
hardly  believe  it,  but  I  did);  I  had  nothing  else  to  to.  I 
had  read  everything  in  that  paper,  including  the  adver- 
tisements; so  I  read  the  sermon.  It  was  a  sermon  by 
Rev.  Mr.  Moody  on  prayer,  in  which  he  took  the  ground 
that  our  prayer  should  be  "  Thy  will  be  done; "  and  he 
seemed  to  believe  that  if  we  prayed  that  prayer  often 


732  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

enough  we  could  induce  God  to  have  his  own  way.  He 
gives  an  instance  of  a  woman  in  Illinois  who  had  a  sick 
child,  and  she  prayed  that  God  would  not  take  from  her 
arms  that  babe.  She  did  not  pray  ''Thy  will  be  done," 
but  she  prayed,  according  to  Mr.  Moody,  almost  a  prayer 
of  rebellion,  and  said:  "I  cannot  give  up  my  babe/ 
God  heard  her  prayer,  and  the  child  got  well;  and  Mr. 
Moody  says  it  was  an  idiot  when  it  got  well.  For  fifteen 
years  that  woman  watched  over  and  took  care  of  that 
idiotic  child;  and  Mr.  Moody  says  how  much  better 
would  it  have  been  if  she  had  allowed  God  to  have  had 
his  own  way.  Think  of  a  God  who  would  punish  a 
mother  for  speaking  to  Him  from  an  agonizing  heart  and 
saying,  ' '  I  cannot  give  up  my  babe, "  and  making  the 
child  an  idiot.  What  would  the  devil  have  done  under 
the  same  circumstances?  That  is  the  God  we  are  ex- 
pected to  worship.  I  range  myself  with  the  opposition. 
The  next  day  I  read  another  sermon  preached  by  the 
Rev.  De  Witt  Talmage,  a  man  of  not  much  fancy,  but  ofl 
great  judgment.  He  preached  a  sermon  on  dreams,  and 
went  on  to  say  that  God  often  visited  us  in  dreams,  and 
that  He  often  convinces  men  of  His  existence  in  that 
way.  So  far  as  I  am  concerned  I  had  rather  see  some- 
thing in  the  light.  And,  according  to  that  sermon,  there 
was  a  poor  woman  in  England,  a  pauper  who  had  the 
rheumatism,  and  there  was  another  pauper  who  had  not 
the  rheumatism;  and  the  pauper  who  had  not  the  rheuma- 
tism used  to  take  food  to  the  pauper  that  had.  After  a 
while  the  pauper  without  rheumatism  died,  and  then  the 
pauper  with  the  rheumatism  began  to  think  in  her  own 
mind,  who  will  bring  me  food?  That  night  God  appeared 
to  her  in  a  dream.  He  did  not  cure  her  rheumatism 


HOW  THE  GODS  GROW.  733 

though.  He  appeared  to  her  in  a  dream,  ana  ne  took 
her  out  of  the  house  and  pointed  on  the  right  hand  to  an 
immense  mountain  of  bread,  and  on  the  left  hand  to  an 
immense  mountain  of  butter.  And  when  I  read  that  I 
said  to  myself,  my  Lord,  what  a  place  that  would  be  to 
start  a  political  party.  And  he  said  to  her:  ''These 
belong  to  your  father;  do  you  think  that  he  will  allow  one 
of  his  children  to  starve?"  What  a  place  would  Ireland 
be  with  that  mountain  of  bread  and  butter!  Until  I  read 
these  two  sermons  I  hardly  believed  that  in  this  day  and 
generation  anybody  believed  that  God  would  make  a  child 
an  idiot  simply  because  the  mother  had  prayed  for  its 
sweet  dear  life,  or  that  God's  visits  are  only  in  dreams. 
But  so  it  is. 

Orthodoxy  has  not  advanced  upon  the  religion  of  the 
Fiji  Islander.  It  is  the  same  yesterday,  to-day  and  forever. 
Now  we  are  told  that  there  is  a  god;  and  nearly  every 
nation  has  had  a  god;  generally  a  good  many  of  them.  You 
see  the  raw  material  was  so  cheap,  and  Gods  were  man- 
ufactured so  easily,  that  heaven  has  always  been  cram- 
med with  the  phantoms  of  these  monsters.  But  they  say 
there  is  a  god,  and  every  savage  tribe  believes  in  a  God. 
It  is  an  argument  made  to  rne  every  day.  I  concede  to 
you  that  fact;  I  concede  to  you  that  all  savages  agree 
with  you.  I  admit  it  takes  a  certain  amount  of  civiliza- 
tion, a  certain  amount  of  thought,  to  rise  above  the  idea 
that  some  personal  being,  for  his  own  ends,  for  his  own 
glory,  made  and  governs  this  universe.  I  admit  that  it 
takes  some  thought  to  see  the  universe  is  good  and  all 
that  is  good,  and  every  star  that  shines  is  a  part  of  God, 
and  I  am  something,  no  matter  how  little,  and  that  the 
infinite  cannot  exist  without  me,  and  that  therefore  I  am 


734  INGERSOLLS    LECTURES. 

a  part  of  the  infinite.  I  admit  that  it  takes  a  little  civ- 
ilization to  get  to  that  point. 

Now  every  nation  has  made  a  god,  and  every  man  that 
has  made  a  god  has  used  himself  for  a  pattern;  and  men 
have  put  into  the  mouth  of  their  god  all  their  mistakes 
in  astronomy,  in  geography,  in  philosophy,  in  morality, 
and  the  god  is  never  wiser  or  better  than  his  creators.  If 
they  believe  in  slavery,  so  did  he;  if  they  believe  in  eat- 
ing human  flesh,  he  wanted  his  share;  if  they  were  po- 
lygamous, so  was  he;  if  they  were  cruel,  so  was  he.  And 
just  to  the  extent  that  man  has  become  civilized,  he  has 
civilized  his  god.  You  can  hardly  imagine  the  progress 
that  our  God  has  made  in  four  thousand  years.  Four 
thousand  years  ago  He  was  a  barbarian;  to-night  He  is 
quite  an  educated  gentleman.  Four  thousand  years  ago 
He  belived  in  killing  and  butchering  little  babes  at  the 
breasts  of  their  mothers;  He  has  reformed.  Four  thou- 
sand years  ago  He  did  not  believe  in  taking  prisoners  of 
war.  He  said,  kill  the  old  men;  mingle  their  blood  with 
the  white  hair.  Kill  the  women.  But  what  shall  we  do, 
O  God,  with  the  maidens?  Give  them  to  satisfy  the  lust 
of  the  soldiers  and  of  the  priests!  If  there  is  anywhere 
in  the  serene  heaven  a  real  God,  I  want  him  to  write  in 
the  book  of  His  eternal  rememberance,  opposite  my 
name,  that  I  deny  that  lie  for  Him. 

Four  thousand  years  ago  our  God  was  in  favor  of 
slavery;  four  thousand  years  ago  our  God  would  have  a 
man  beaten  to  death  with  rugged  rocks  for  expressing  his 
honest  thought;  four  thousand  years  ago  our  God  told  the 
husband  to  kill  his  wife  if  she  disagreed  with  him  upon 
the  important  subject  of  religion;  four  thousand  years  ago 
our  God  was  a  monster;  and  if  He  is  any  better  now,  it 


HOW  THE  GODS  GROW.  735 

is  simply  because  we  have  made  Him  so.  I  am  talking 
about  the  God  of  the  Christian  world.  There  may  be, 
for  aught  I  know,  upon  the  shore  of  the  eternal  vast, 
some  being  whose  very  thought  is  the  constellation  of 
those  numberless  stars.  I  do  not  know;  but  if  there  is 
he  has  never  written  a  bible;  he  has  never  been  in  favor 
of  slavery;  he  has  never  advocated  polygamy,  and  he 
never  told  the  murderer  to  sheathe  his  dagger  in  the  dim- 
pled breast  of  a  babe.  But  they  say  to  me,  our  God  has 
written  a  book.  I  am  glad  he  did,  and  it  is  by  that  book 
that  I  propose  to  judge  them.  I  find  in  that  book  that  it 
was  a  crime  to  eat  of  the  tree  of  knowledge.  I  find  that 
the  church  has  always  been  the  enemy  of  education,  and 
I  find  that  the  church  still  carries  the  flaming  sword  of 
ignorance  and  bigotry  over  the  tree  of  knowledge. 

And  if  that  story  is  true,  ought  we  not  after  all  to 
thank  the  devil?  He  was  the  first  school  'master;  he  was 
the  first  to  whisper  liberty  in  our  ears;  he  was  the  author 
of  modesty.  He  was  the  author  of  ambition  and  pro- 
gress. And  as  for  me,  give  me  the  storm  and  tempest  of 
thought  and  action  rather  than  the  dead  calm  of  ignor- 
ance and  faith.  Punish  me  when  and  how  you  will,  but 
first  let  me  eat  of  the  fruit  of  the  tree  of  knowledge.  And 
there  is  one  peculiar  thing  I  might  as  well  speak  of  here. 
While  the  world  has  made  gods,  it  has  also  made  devils; 
and  as  a  rule  the  devils  have  been  better  friends  to  man 
than  the  gods.  It  was  not  a  devil  that  drowned  the 
world;  it  was  not  a  devil  that  covered  with  the  multitudi- 
nous waves  of  an  infinite  sea  the  corpses  of  men,  women 
and  children. 

That  was  the  good  god.  The  devil  never  sent  pesti- 
lence and  famine;  the  devil  -never  starved  women  and 


736  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

children;  that  was  the  good  God.  The  meanest  thing 
recorded  of  the  devil  is  what  happened  concerning  my 
servant  Job.  According  to  that  book  God  met  the  devil 
and  said:  "  Where  have  you  been?  "  "  Oh,  been  walk- 
ing up  and  down."  "Have  you  noticed  my  man  Job; 
nobody  like  him!  "  "  Well,  who  wouldn't  be;  you  have 
given  him  everything;  but  take  away  what  he  has,  and 
he  will  curse  you  to  your  face."  And  so  the  devil  went 
to  work  and  tried  it.  It  was  a  mean  thing.  And  that 
was  all  done  to  decide  what  you  might  call  a  wager  on  a 
difference  of  opinion  between  the  serene  highnesses.  He 
took  away  his  property,  but  Job  didn't  sin;  and  when 
God  met  the  devil,  he  said:  "Well,  what  did  I  tell  you, 
smarty?  "  "Ah,"  he  said,  "that  is  all  very  well,  but 
you  touch  his  flesh  and  he  will  curse  you;  and  he  did,  but 
Job  didn't  curse  him.  And  then  what  did  God  do  to  help 
him!  He  gave  him  some  other  children  better  looking 
than  the  first  ones.  What  kind  of  an  idea  is  that  for  a 
God  to  kill  our  children  and  then  give  us  better  looking 
ones!  If  you  have  loved  a  child,  I  don't  care  if  it  is  de- 
formed if  you  have  held  it  in  your  arms  and  covered  its 
face  with  kisses,  you  want  that  child  back  and  no  other. 
I  find  in  this  bible  that  there  was  an  old  gentleman  a 
little  short  of  the  article  of  hair.  And  as  he  was  going 
through  the  town  a  number  of  little  children  cried  out  to 
him  "Go  up,  thou  bald  head!"  And  this  man  of  God 
turned  and  cursed  them.  A  real  good-humored  old  fellow! 
And  two  bears  came  out  of  the  woods  and  tore  in  pieces 
forty-two  children!  How  did  the  bears  get  there?  Elisha 
could  not  control  the  bears.  Nobody  but  God  could  con- 
trol the  bears  in  that  way.  Now  just  think  of  an  infinite 
God  making  a  shining  star,  having  his  attention  attracted 


HOW  THE  GODS  GROW.  737 

by  hearing  some  children  saying  to  an  old  gentlemen, 
"  Go  up,  thou  bald  head!  "  and  then  speaking  to  his  sec- 
retary or  somebody  else,  "Bring  in  a  couple  of  bears 
now!"  What  a  magnificent  God!  What  would  the 
devil  have  done  under  the  same  circumstances?  And  yet 
that  is  the  God  they  want  to  put  into  the  constitution  in 
order  to  make  our  children  gentle  and  kind  and  loving. 

You  hate  a  God  like  that.  I  do;  I  despise  him.  And 
yet  little  children  in  the  Sabbath-school  are  taught  that 
infamous  lie.  Why,  I  have  very  little  respect  for  an  old 
man  that  will  get  mad  about  such  a  thing,  anyway. 
What  would  the  Christian  world  say  of  me  if  I  should 
have  a  few  children  torn  to  pieces  if  they  should  make 
that  remark  in  my  face?  What  would  the  devil  have 
done  under  the  same  circumstances? 

I  tell  you,  I  cannot  worship  a  God  who  is  no  better 
than  the  devil!  I  cannot  do  it.  And  if  you  will  just  read 
the  old  testament  with  the  bandage  off  your  eyes  and 
the  cloud  of  fear  from  your  heart,  you  will  come  to  the 
conclusion  that  it  was  written  not  only  by  men,  but  by 
barbarians,  by  savages,  and  that  it  is  totally  unworthy  of 
a  civilized  age.  I  believe  in  no  God  who  believes  in 
slavery.  I  will  worship  no  God  who  ever  said  that  one 
of  His  children  should  own  another  of  His  children. 
But  they  say  to  me,  there  must  be  a  God  somewhere! 
Well,  I  say  I  don't  know.  There  may  be.  I  hope  there 
is  more  than  one — one  is  so  lonesome.  Just  think  of  an 
old  bachelor,  always  alone!  I  want  more  than  one.  And 
they  say,  somebody  must  have  made  this!  Well,  I  say  I 
don't  know.  But  it  strikes  me  that  the  indestructible 
cannot  be  created.  What  would  you  make  it  of?  ' '  Oh, 
nothing!  "  Well,  it  strikes  me  that  nothing,  considered 


738  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

in  the  light  of  a  raw  material,  is  a  decided  failure.  For 
my  part,  I  cannot  conceive  of  force  apart  from  matter, 
and  I  cannot  conceive  of  matter  apart  from  force.  I  can- 
not conceive  of  force  somewhere  without  acting  upon 
something;  because  force  must  be  active,  or  it  is  not 
force;  and  if  it  has  no  matter  to  act  upon,  it  ceases  to  be 
force.  I  cannot  conceive  of  the  smallest  atom  of  matter 
staying  together  without  force.  Beside,  if  some  god 
made  all  this,  then;  must  have  been  some  morning  when 
he  commenced!  And  if  he  has  existed  always,  there  is  an 
eternity  back  of  that  when  he  never  did  anything;  when 
he  lived  in  an  infinite  hole,  without  side,  top  or  bottom! 
He  did  not  think,  for  there  was  nothing  to  think  about. 
Certainly  he  did  not  remember,  for  nothing  had  ever 
happened.  Now  I  cannot  conceive  of  this!  I  do  not 
say  it  is  not  so.  I  may  be  damned  for  my  smartness, 
yet — I  simply  say  I  cannot  conceive  of  it,  that  is  all. 
But  men  tell  me,  you  cannot  conceive  of  eternity!  That 
is  just  what  I  can  conceive  of.  I  cannot  conceive  of  its 
stopping.  They  say  I  cannot  conceive  of  infinite  space! 
That  is  just  what  I  can  conceive  of;  because,  let  me  im- 
agine all  I  can,  my  imagination  will  stand  upon  the 
verge  and  see  infinite  space  beyond.  Infinite  space  is  a 
necessity  of  the  mind,  because  I  cannot  think  of  enough 
matter  to  fill  it.  Eternity  is  a  necessity  of  the  mind, 
because  I  cannot  dream  of  the  cessation  of  time.  But 
they  say  there  is  a  design  in  the  world,  consequently  there 
must  be  a  designer.  Well,  I  don't  know. 

Paley  says  that  the  more  wonderful  thing  is,  the  greater 
the  necessity  for  creation;  that  a  watch  is  a  wonderful 
thing,  and  that  it  must  have  had  a  creator;  that  the 
watchmaker  is  more  wonderful  than  the  watch,  there- 


HOW  THE  GODS  GROW.  739 

fore  he  must  have  had  a  creator.  Then  we  come  to  God; 
He  is  altogether  more  wonderful  than  the  watchmaker, 
therefore  He  had  no  creator.  There  is  a  link  out  some- 
where; I  don't  pretend  to  understand  it.  And  so  I  say, 
that  had  the  world  been  any  other  way,  you  would  have 
seen  the  same  evidence  of  design,  precisely.  We  grow 
up  with  our  conditions,  and  you  cannot  imagine  of  a  first 
cause.  Why?  Every  cause  has  an  effect. 

Strike  your  hands  together;  they  feel  warm.  The 
effect  becomes  a  cause  instantly,  and  that  cause  pro- 
duces another  effect,  and  the  effect  another  cause;  and 
there  could  not  have  been  a  cause  until  there  was  an 
effect.  Because  until  there  was  an  effect,  nothing  had 
been  caused;  until  something  had  been  caused,  I  am  pos- 
itive there  was  no  cause.  Now  you  cannot  conceive  of 
a  lost  effect,  because  the  lost  effect  of  which  you  can 
think,  will  in  turn  become  a  cause  and  that  cause  pro- 
duce another  effect.  And  as  you  cannot  think  of  a  lost 
effect,  you  cannot  think  of  a  first  cause;  it  is  not  thinka- 
ble by  the  human  mind. 

They  say  God  governs  this  world.  Why  does  He  not 
govern  Russia  as  well  as  He  does  Massachusetts?  Why 
does  He  allow  the  Czar  to  send  beautiful  girls  of  sixteen, 
seventeen,  eighteen,  simply  for  saying  a  word  in  favor  of 
human  liberty,  to  mines  in  Siberia,  where  they  draw 
carts  with  knees  bruised  and  bleeding,  with  hands  scarred 
and  swollen?  What  is  that  God  worth  that  allows  such 
things  in  the  world  He  governs?  Did  He  govern  this 
country  when  it  had  four  millions  of  slaves? — when  it 
turned  the  cross  of  Christ  into  a  whipping-post? — when 
the  holy  bible  was  an  auction-block  on  which  the  mother 
stood  while  her  babe  was  sold  from  her  breast? — when 


740  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

bloodhounds  were  considered  apostles?  Was  God  gov- 
erning the  world  when  the  prisoners  were  confined  in  the 
Bastile?  It  seems  to  me,  if-there  is  a  God,  and  someone 
would  repeat  the  word  "  Bastile."  it  would  cover  almost 
his  face  with  the  blood  of  shame.  But  they  say  heaven 
will  balance  all  the  ills  of  life.  Let  us  see:  A  large 
majority  of  us  are  sinners — at  least  a  large  majority  with 
whom  I  am  acquainted;  and  a  majority  of  the  Christians 
with  whom  I  am  acquainted  are  worse  than  sinners.  And 
if  their  doctrine  is  true,  you  will  be  astonished  at  the 
gentlemen  you  will  see  in  hell  that  day.  You  will  know 
by  the  cast  of  their  countenance  that  they  used  to  preach 
here.  They  say  that  it  may  be  that  the  sinners  here  have 
a  very  good  time,  and  that  the  Christians  don't  have  a 
very  good  time;  that  it  is  awful  hard  work  to  serve  the 
Lord,  and  that  you  carry  a  cross  when  you  deny  yourself 
the  delights  of  murder  and  forgery,  and  all  manner  of 
rascality  that  fills  life  with  delight.  But  they  say  that 
while  the  rascals  are  having  a  good  time,  they  will  catch 
it  in  the  other  world.  But,  according  to  their  account, 
ninety-nine  out  of  a  huudred  will  be  damned,  and  I  think 
it  will  be  a  close  call  for  the  hundredth .  Like  that  dear 
old  Scotch  woman,  when  she  was  talking  about  the  Pres- 
byterian faith,  some  one  said  to  her:  "  My  dear  woman, 
if  your  doctine  is  true,  nobody  but  you  and  your  husband 
will  be  saved."  "  Ah,"  said  she,  "  I'm  na'  sae  sure  about 
John."  About  one  in  a  hundred  will  be  saved,  and  the 
other  ninety-nine  will  be  in  misery.  So  that  on  the  aver- 
age there  will  not  be  half  as  much  happiness  in  the  next 
world  as  in  this.  So,  instead  of  God's  plan  getting  bet- 
ter, it  gets  worse;  and  throughout  all  the  ages  of  eternity 
there  will  be  less  happiness  than  in  this  world.  This 


HOW  THE  GODS  GROW.  74 1 

world  is  a  school;  this  world  is  where  we  develop  moral 
muscle.  It  may  be  that  w^e  are  here  simply  because  men 
cannot  advance  only  through  agony  and  pain.  If  it  is 
necessary  to  have  pain  and  agony  to  advance  morally, 
then  nobody  can  advance  in  heaven.  Hell  will  be  the 
only  place  offering  opportunities  to  any  gentleman  who 
wishes  to  increase  his  moral  muscle. 

A  gentleman  once  asked  me  if  I  could  suggest  any  im- 
provement on  the  present  order  of  things,  if  I  had  the 
power.  Well,  said  I,  in  the  first  place,  I  would  make 
good  health  catching  instead  of  disease.  There  will  be 
no  humanity  until  we  get  the  orthodox  God  out  of  our 
religion.  I  want  to  do  what  little  I  can  to  put  another 
one  in  God's  name,  so  that  we  will  worship  a  supreme 
human  god,  so  that  we  will  worship  mercy,  justice,  love 
and  truth,  and  not  have  the  idea  that  we  must  sacrifice 
our  brother  upon  the  altar  of  fear  to  please  some  imagin- 
ary phantom.  See  what  Christianity  has  done  for  the 
world!  It  has  reduced  Spain  to  a  guitar,  Italy  to  a  hand- 
organ  and  Ireland  to  exile.  That  is  what  religion  has 
done.  Take  every  country  in  the  whole  world,  and  the 
country  that  has  got  the  least  religion  is  the  most  pros- 
perous, and  the  country  that  has  got  the  most  religion  is 
in  the  worst  condition. 

In  the  vast  cemetery,  called  the  past,  are  most  of  the 
religions  of  men  and  there,  too,  are  nearly  all  their  gods. 

The  sacred  temples  of  India  were  ruins  long  ago.  Over 
column  and  cornice;  over  the  painted  and  pictured  walls, 
cling  and  creep  the  trailing  vines.  Brahma,  the  golden, 
with  four  heads  and  four  arms;  Vishnu,  the  sombre,  the 
punisher  of  the  wicked,  with  his  three  eyes,  his  crescent, 
and  his  necklace  of  skulls;  Siva,  the  destroyer,  red  with 


74-2  INGERSOLLS    LECTURES. 

seas  of  blood;  Kali,  the  goddess;  Draupadi,  the  white- 
armed,  and  Chrishna,  the  Christ,  all  passed  away  and 
left  the  thrones  of  heaven  desolate.  Along  the  banks  of 
the  sacred  Nile,  Iris  no  longer  wandering  weeps,  search- 
ing for  the  dead  Osiris.  The  shadow  of  Typhon's  scowl 
falls  no  more  upon  the  waves.  The  sun  rises  as  of  yore, 
and  his  golden  beams  still  smite  the  lips  of  Memnon,  but 
Memnon  is  as  voiceless  as  the  Sphinx.  The  sacred  fanes 
are  lost  in  desert  sands;  the  dusty  mummies  are  still  wait- 
ing for  the  resurrection  promised  by  their  priests,  and  the 
old  beliefs  wrought  in  curiously  sculptured  stone,  sleep  in 
the  mystery  of  a  language  lost  and  dead  Odin,  the  author 
of  life  and  soul,  Vili  and  Ve,  and  the  mighty  giant  Ymir, 
strode  long  ago  from  the  ice  halls  of  the  North;  and 
Thor,  with  iron  glove  and  glittering  hammer,  dashes 
mountains  to  the  earth  no  more. 

Broken  are  the  circles  and  the  cromlechs  of  the  ancient 
Druids;  fallen  upon  the  summits  of  the  hills,  and  covered 
with  the  centuries'  moss  are  the  sacred  cairns.  The 
divine  fires  of  Persia  and  of  the  Aztecs  have  died  out  in 
the  ashes  of  the  past,  and  there  is  none  to  rekindle,  and 
none  to  feed  the  holy  flames.  The  harp  of  Orpheus  is 
still;  the  drained  cup  of  Bacchus  has  been  thrown  aside; 
Venus  lies  dead  in  stone,  and  her  white  bosom  heaves  no 
more  with  love.  The  streams  still  murmur,  but  no 
naiads  bathe;  the  trees  still  wave,  but  in  the  forest  aisles 
no  dryads  dance.  The  gods  have  flown  from  high  Olym- 
pus. Not  even  the  beautiful  women  can  lure  them  back, 
and  Danae  lies  unnoticed,  naked  to  the  stars.  Hushed 
forever  are  the  thunders  of  Sinai;  lost  are  the  voices  of 
the  prophets,  and  the  land  once  flowing  with  milk  and 
honey  is  but  a  desert  waste.  One  by  one  the  myths  have 


HOW  THE  GODS  GROW.  743 

faded  from  the  clouds;  one  by  one  the  phantom  host  has 
disappeared,  and,  one  by  one,  facts,  truths  and  realities 
have  taken   their  places.      The  supernatural  has  almost 
gone,  but   man   is  the  natural  remains.      The  gods  have 
fled,  but  man   is  here.      Nations,    like  individuals,    have 
their  periods  of  youth,  of  manhood  and  decay.    Religions 
are  the  same.     The  same  inexorable  destiny  awaits  them 
all.      The  gods  created  with  the  nations  must  perish  with 
their  creators.      They  were  created  by   men,   and,    like 
men,  they  must  pass  away.      The  deities  of  one  age  are 
the  by-words  of  the  next.      The  religion  of  our  day,  and 
country,  is  no  more  exempt  from  the  sneer  of  the  future 
than    others    have    been.      When    India    was    supreme, 
Brahma  sat  upon  the  world's  throne.      When  the  sceptre 
passed  to  Egypt,  Isis  and  Osiris  received  the  homage  of 
mankind.       Greece,    with    her    fierce    valor,    swept    to 
empire,  and  Zeus  put  on  the  purple  of  authority.      The 
earth  trembled  with  the  tread  of  Rome's  intrepid  sons, 
and  Jove  grasped  with  mailed  hand  the  thunderbolts  of 
heaven.      Rome  fell,  and  Christians  from   her  territory, 
with  the  red  sword  of  war,  carved  out  the  ruling  nations 
of  the  world,  and  now  Jehovah  sits  upon  the  old  throne. 
Who  will  be  His  successer? 


INGEKSOLL'S    LECTURE 


— ON — 


THE  RELIGION  OF  OUR  DAY. 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN: — I  am  glad  that  I  have 
lived  long  enough  to  see  one  gentleman  in  the  pulpit 
brave  enough  to  say  that  God  would  not  be  offended  at 
one*  who  speaks  according  to  the  dictates  of  his  con- 
science; who  does  not  believe  that  God  will  give  wings 
to  a  bird,  and  then  damn  the  bird  for  flying.  I  thank 
the  pastor  and  I  thank  the  church  for  allowing  its  pastor 
to  be  so  brave. 

I  admit  that  thousands  and  thousands  of  church  peo- 
ple, with  their  pastors  and  the  deacons,  are  to-day  ad- 
vocating religious  principles  that  they  deem  right  and 
good.  I  honor  these  men,  but  I  do  not  believe  that 
their  method  is  a  good  one.  I  do  not  want  these  people 
to  forgive  me  for  the  views  I  entertain,  but  I  want  them 
so  to  act  that  I  will  not  have  to  forgive  them.  I  am  the 
friend  of  every  one  who  preaches  the  gospel  of  absolute 
intellectual  liberty,  and  that  man  is  my  friend. 

744 


THE    RELIGION    OF   OUR    DAY.  745 

Is  there  a  God  who  says  that  if  man  does  so  and  so 
He  will  damn  him  ?  Can  there  be  such  a  fiend  ?  I  am 
not  responsible  to  man  unless  I  injure  him;  nor  to  God 
unless  I  injure  Him,  but  one  cannot  injure  God,  for  "He 
is  infinite." 

When  I  was  young  I  was  told  that  the  bible  was  in- 
spired, written  by  God,  that  even  the  lids  of  the  book 
were  inspired.  They  say  He  is  a  personal  God;  if  so, 
He  has  not  revealed  Himself  to  me.  There  may  be  many 
gods.  As  I  look  around  I  see  that  justice  does  not  pre- 
vail, that  innocence  is  not  always  effectual  and  a  perfect 
shield.  If  there  be  a  God  these  things  could  not  be.  If 
God  made  us  all,  why  did  He  not  make  us  all  equally 
well.  He  had  the  power  of  an  infinite  god.  Why  did 
God  people  the  earth  with  so  many  idiots  ?  I  admit  that 
orthodoxy  could  not  exist  without  them,  but  why  did 
God  make  them  ?  If  we  believe  the  bible  then  He  should 
have  made  us  all  idiots,  for  the  orthodox  Christian  says 
the  idiots  will  not  be  damned,  simply  transplanted, 
while  the  sensible  man,  who  believeth  not,  will  be  sent 
to  eternal  damnation  ?  If  there  is  any  God  that  made 
us,  what  right  had  He  to  make  idiots  ?  Is  a  man  with  a 
head  like  a  pin  under  any  obligation  to  thank  God  ?  Is 
the  black  man,  born  in  slavery,  under  any  obligation  to 
thank  God  for  his  badge  of  servitude  ? 

What  kind  of  a  God  is  it  that  will  allow  men  and 
women  to  be  put  in  dungeons  and  chains  simply  because 
they  loved  Him  and  prayed  to  Him  ?  And  what  kind  of 
a  God  is  it  that  will  allow  such  men  and  women  to  be 
burned  at  the  stake  ?  If  God  won't  love  such  men  and 
women,  then  under  what  circumstances  will  he  love  ? 


746  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Famine  stalks  over  the  land  and  millions  die,  not  only 
the  bad  but  the  good,  and  there  in  the  heavens  above 
sits  an  infinite  God  who  can  do  anything,  can  change  the 
rocks  and  the  stones,  and  yet  these  millions  die.  I  do 
not  say  there  is  no  God,  but  I  do  ask,  what  is  God  do- 
ing ?  Look  at  the  agony,  and  wretchedness  and  woe  all 
over  the  land.  Is  there  goodness,  is  there  mercy  in  this  ? 
I  do  not  say  there  is  not,  but  I  want  to  know,  and  I  want 
to  know  if  a  man  is  to  be  damned  for  asking  the  ques- 
tion ? 

(He  eloquently  recited  the  agonies  that  clustered  around 
the  French  Bastile,  where  great  men  and  heroic  women 
suffered  and  died  for  loving  liberty,  and  said:  If  there  is 
a  God,  I  think  that  one  word,  Bastile,  would  bring  the 
blush  of  shame  to  His  face.) 

I  find  that  the  men  who  have  received  revelation  are 
the  worst;  and  that  where  the  bible  goes  there  go  the 
sword  and  the  fagot .  If  an  infinite  God  makes  a  reve- 
lation to  me  He  knows  how  I  will  understand  it.  If  God 
wrote  the  bible  he  knew  that  no  two  people  would  under- 
stand it  alike. 

When  I  read  the  bible  I  found  that  God  in  His  infinite 
wisdom  couldn't  control  the  people  He  had  created  and 
that  He  had  to  drown  them.  If  I  had  infinite  power 
and  couldn't  make  a  people  that  I  could  control  and  had 
to  drown  them,  why  I'd  resign. 

Then  I  read  in  the  bible  such  cruel  things,  and  I  do 
not  believe  that  God  can  be  cruel.  Such  cruelty  may 
make  one  afraid,  but  cannot  inspire  love.  I  can't  love  a 
god  that  will  inflict  pain  and  sorrow,  and  I  won't. 

The  preachers  say  all  unbelievers  will  go  to  hell — tid- 
ings of  great  joy.  When  I  confront  them  they  say  I'm 


THE    RELIGION    OF    OUR    DAY.  747 

taking  away  their  consolation.  The  old  bible  does  not 
mention  hell  or  heaven.  Now  God  should  have  notified 
Adam  and  Cain  of  hell,  but  He  didn't.  When  He  came 
to  drown  all  those  people  He  didn't  tell  a  single  one  that 
He  would  drown  him.  He  talked  all  about  water — noth- 
ing about  fire.  When  He  came  down  on  Mount  Sinai, 
and  told  Moses  how  to  cut  out  clothes  for  a  priest,  He 
never  said  one  word  on  the  subject.  When  God  gave 
Moses  the  ten  commandments,  engraved  on  stone,  there 
He  said  not  one  word  about  hell.  There  was  plenty  of 
room  on  the  stone;  why  did  He  not  add:  "If  you  don't 
keep  these  commandments  you  will  be  damned."  Through 
all  these  ages,  when  God  was  talking  all  the  time,  and 
when  every  howling  prophet  had  His  ear,  not  one  word 
did  He  utter  of  hell  or  heaven.  For  4,000  years  God 
got  along  without  mentioning  those  places  or  even  hint- 
ing of  them.  It  seems  to  me  that  we  ought  to  have  been 
notified  by  Him. 

(Here  the  orator  recalled  many  stories  from  the  old 
bible  and  subjected  them  to  keen  irony  and  ridicule. 
Reciting  the  story  wherein  the  she  bears  came  out  of  the 
woods  and  tore  to  pieces  the  forty  children  who  mocked 
the  prophet,  he  asked:  If  God  did  that,  what  would  the 
devil  have  done  under  the  same  circumstances  ?  Why, 
he  said,  did  not  God  give  a  sure  cure  for  leprosy,  unless 
He  wanted  to  have  His  chosen  people  to  have  that 
frightful  disease  ?) 

Do  you  believe  that  God  ever  told  a  widow  if  her 
brother-in-law  refused  to  marry  her  to  spit  in  his  face  ?  Do 
you  believe  any  such  nonsense  from  a  god  ?  I  call  that 
courting  under  difficulties.  (Then  Colonel  Ingersoll  dwelt 
pathetically  on  the  sweet,  innocent  babes  eaten  up  by 


748  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

the  lions  in  the  den,  after  Daniel  was  rescued  from  their 
jaws,  and  asked  the  question,  what  kind  of  a  god  was  it 
that  allowed  such  horrible'  deeds  ? 

They  say  that  I  pick  out  all  the  bad  things  in  the  bible. 
Well,  God  ought  not  to  have  put  bad  things  in  the  book. 
If  you  only  read  the  bible  YOU  will  not  believe  it.  Why, 
it  is  such  a  bad  book  that  it  has  to  be  supported  by  leg- 
islation. In  Maine  and  elsewhere  they  will  send  you  to 
jail  for  two  years  if  you  deny  the  bible  or  the  judgment 
day. 

No,  we  are  told  we  must  not  only  believe  in  the  God 
we  have  been  talking  about,  but  must  also  believe  in  an- 
other one. 

Let  us  look  at  the  church  to-day.  The  orthodox 
church — that  is,  all  but  the  Universalist.  He  is  trying 
to  be  orthodox,  but  he  can't  get  in.  The  God  of  the 
Universalists,  to  say  the  least,  is  a  gentleman. 

Now,  what  is  this  religion  ?  To  believe  certain  things 
that  we  may  be  saved,  that  we  won't  be  damned.  What 
are  they  ? 

First,  that  the  old  and  new  testament  are  inspired. 
No  matter  how  kind,  how  just  a  man  may  be,  unless  he 
believes  in  the  inspiration,  he  will  be  damned. 

Second,  he  must  believe  in  the  trinity.  That  there 
are  three  in  one.  That  father  and  son  are  precisely  of 
the  same  age,  the  son,  possibly,  a  little  mite  older;  that 
three  times  one  is  one,  and  that  once  one  is  three.  It 
is  a  mercy  you  don't  know  how  to  understand  it,  but 
you  must  believe  it  or  be  damned.  Therein  you  see  the 
mercy  of  the  Lord .  This  trinity  doctrine  was  announced 
several  hundred  years  after  Christ  was  born. 

Do  you  believe  such  a  doctrine  will  make  a  man  good 


THE    RELIGION    OF    OUR    DAY.  749 

or  honest  ?  Will  it  make  him  more  just  ?  Is  the  man 
that  believes  any  better  than  the  man  who  does  not  be- 
lieve ? 

How  is  it  with  nations  ?  Look  at  Spain,  the  last 
slaveholder  in  the  civilized  world;  she's  Christian,  she 
believes  in  the  trinity  !  And  Italy,  the  beggar  of  the 
world.  Under  the  rule  of  priestcraft  money  streamed  in 
from  every  land  and  yet  she  did  not  advance.  To-day  she 
is  reduced  to  a  hand-organ.  Take  poor  Ireland,  groan- 
ing under  the  heel  of  British  oppression;  could  she  cast 
off  her  priests  she  would  soon  be  one  with  America  in 
freedom. 

Protestantism  is  better  than  Catholicism,  because  there 
is  less  of  it.  Both  dread  education.  They  say  they 
brought  the  arts  and  sciences  out  of  the  dark  ages;  why, 
they  made  the  dark  ages  and  what  did  they  preserve  ? 
Nothing  of  value,  only  an  account  of  events  that  never 
happened.  What  did  they  teach  the  world  !  Slavery  ! 

The  best  country  the  sun  ever  shown  upon  is  the 
northern  part  of  the  United  States,  and  there  you  will 
find  less  religion  than  anywhere  else  on  the  face  of  the 
earth.  You  will  find  here  more  people  that  don't  believe 
the  bible,  and  you  will  find  better  husbands,  better 
wives,  happier  homes,  where  the  women  are  most  re- 
spected and  where  the  children  get  less  blows  and  more 
huggings  and  kissings.  We  have  improved  just  as  we 
lost  this  religion  and  this  superstition. 

Great  Britain  is  the  religious  nation  par  excellence, 
and  there  you  will  find  the  most  cant  and  most  hypoc- 
ricy.  They  are  always  thanking  God  that  they  have 
killed  somebody.  Look  at  the  opium  war  with  China. 
They  forced  the  Chinese  to  open  their  ports  and  receive 


750  IXGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

the  deadly  drug,  and  then  had  the  impudence  to  send  a. 
lot  of  driviling  idiots  of  missionaries  into  China. 

Go  around  the  world,  and  where  you  find  the  least 
superstition,  there  you  will  find  the  best  men,  the  best 
women,  the  best  children.  Two  powerful  levers  are  at 
work;  love  and  intelligence.  The  true  test  of  a  man  is 
generosity,  that  covers  a  multitude  of  sins. 

They  have  got  so  now  they  damn  a  man  on  a  techni- 
cality. You  must  be  baptized  by  immersion,  sprinkling 
or  pouring.  If  you  come  to  the  day  of  judgment  and 
can't  show  the  water-mark,  you're  damned  ! 

What  more:  That  a  fellow  named  Adam,  whom  you 
don't  know  and  never  voted  for,  is  your  representative. 
You  are  charged  with  his  sins.  Equally  abused  is  the 
doctrine  of  atonement,  that  you  are  created  with  the 
sacrifice  of  another. 

If  Christ  had  more  virtue  than  Adam  had  meanness, 
then  you  are  ahead. 

Atonement  is  the  corner-stone  of  the  Christian  religion. 
But  there  is  one  great  objection.  It  saves  the  wrong 
man,  and  it  is  not  honest.  (In  holding  up  the  atone- 
ment to  ridicule  the  orator  said:  "  If  Judas  had  failed  to 
betray  Christ,  the  mother  of  Christ  would  be  in  hell  to- 
day." 

Then  he  ridiculed  the  miracles  recorded  in  the  new 
testament,  pronounced  them  absurdities.  He  said  that 
the  four  apostolic  writers  were  very  contradictory  in 
their  statements,  and  did  not  even  agree  as  to  the  last 
word  of  this  great  man. 

The  ascension  was  the  most  striking,  the  grandest  of 
the  miracles,  if  true,  yet  the  ascension  is  only  recorded 
by  two  of  these  writers.  If  He  was  God,  I  know  he  will 


THE    RELIGION    OF    OUR    DAY.  751 

forgive  somebody  for  not  believing  the  miracles,  unless 
convinced. 

Another  contradiction  in  the  book:  In  one  gospel  the 
condition  of  salvation  is  "whosoever  believeth  shall  not 
be  damned,"  and  in  another  we  are  promised  that  if  we 
forgive  our  enemies  God  will  forgive  us — and  there's 
sense  in  this  last  promise.  The  first  I  believe  a  lie — it 
was  never  spoken  by  God. 

Christ  said:  Love  your  enemies.  Nobody  can  do  that. 
The  doctrine  of  Confucius  is  sound — to  love  one's  friends 
and  to  do  justice  to  one's  enemies  without  any  mixture 
of  revenge. 

If  Christ  was  God,  did  He  not  know  on  His  cross  what 
crimes  would  be  done  in  His  name  ?  Why  didn't  He 
settle  all  disputes  about  the  trinity  and  about  baptism  ? 
Why  didn't  He  post  His  disciples  ?  Because  He  could 
no  more  see  into  the  future  than  I  can.  Only  in  this 
way  can  you  acquit  him  of  the  crimes  committed  in  His 
name. 

The  way  to  save  our  own  souls  is  to  save  another  soul. 
God  can't  turn  into  hell  a  man  who  makes  on  this  earth 
a  little  heaven  for  himself,  wife  and  babes. 

Any  minister  who  preaches  the  doctrine  of  hell  ought 
to  be  ashamed.  I  want,  if  I  can  while  I  live,  to  put  an 
end  to  all  belief  in  this  infamous  doctrine.  That  doc- 
trine has  done  incalculable  harm,  wrought  incalculable 
injury.  I  despise  it,  and  I  defy  it. 

The  orthodox  church  says  that  religion  does  good; 
that  it  restrains  crime.  It  restrains  a  man  from  arti- 
ficial, not  from  natural  crimes.  A  man  can  be  made  so 
religious  that  he  will  not  eat  meat  on  Friday,  yet  he  will 
steal 


752 


INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 


Did  you  ever  hear  of  a  tramp  coming  to  town  and  in- 
quiring where  the  deacon  of  the  Presbyterian  church 
lived . 

The  bible  says  consider  the  lilies.  What  good  would 
it  do  a  naked  man  standing  out  in  the  bitter  blasts  of 
this  night  to  consider  the  lilies. 

What  is  the  social  position  of  a  man  in  heaven  who 
through  all  eternity  remembers  that  if  he  had  had  a 
grain  of  courage  he  would  never  have  been  there. 

The  realization  of  our  day  does  not  satisfy  the  intelli- 
gence of  the  people — the  people  have  outgrown  it.  It 
shocks  us  and  we  have  got  to  have  another  religion.  We 
must  have  a  religion  of  charity;  one  that  will  do  away 
with  poverty,  close  the  prisons  and  cover  this  world 
with  homes. 


INGEKSOLL'S    LECTUKE 


— ON- 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES. 


"  Liberty,  a  word  without  which — 

All  other  words  are  vain." 

Whoever  has  an  opinion  of  his  own,  and  honestly-  ex- 
presses it,  will  be  guilty  of  heresy.  Heresy  is  what  the 
minority  believe;  it  is  a  name  given  by  the  powerful  to 
the  doctrine  of  the  weak.  This  word  was  born  of  the 
hatred,  arrogance,  and  cruelty  of  those  who  love  their 
enemies,  and  who,  when  smitten  on  one  cheek,  turn  the 
other.  This  word  was  born  of  intellectual  slavery  in  the 
feudal  ages  of  thought.  It  was  an  epithet  used  in  the 
place  of  argument.  From  the  commencement  of  the 
Christian  era,  every  art  has  been  exhausted,  and  every 
conceivable  punishment  inflicted  to  force  all  people  to 
hold  the  same  religious  opinions.  This  effort  was  born 
of  the  idea  that  a  certain  belief  was  necessary  to  the  sal- 
vation of  the  soul.  Christ  taught,  and  the  church  still 
teaches,  that  unbelief  is  the  blackest  of  crimes.  God  is 

753 


754  INGERSOLLS    LECTURES. 

supposed  to  hate  with  an  infinite  and  implacable  hatred, 
every  heretic  upon  the  earth,  and  the  heretics  who  have 
died  are  supposed,  at  this  moment,  to  be  suffering  the 
agonies  of  the  damned.  The  church  persecutes  the  liv- 
ing, and  her  God  burns  the  dead. 

It  is  claimed  that  God  wrote  a  book  called  the  bible, 
and  it  is  generally  admitted  that  this  book  is  somewhat 
difficult  to  understand.  As  long  as  the  church  had  all  the 
copies  of  this  book,  and  the  people  were  not  allowed  to 
read  it,  there  was  comparatively  little  heresy  in  the  world; 
but  when  it  was  printed  and  read,  people  began  honestly 
to  differ  as  to  its  meaning.  A  few  were  independent  and 
brave  enough  to  give  the  world  their  real  thoughts,  and 
for  the  extermination  of  these  men  the  church  used  all 
her  power.  Protestants  and  catholics  vied  with  each 
other  in  the  work  of  enslaving  the  human  mind.  For 
ages  they  were  rivals  in  the  infamous  effort  to  rid  the 
earth  of  honest  people.  They  infested  every  country, 
every  city,  town,  hamlet,  and  family.  They  appealed  to 
the  worst  passions  of  the  human  heart.  They  sowed  the 
seeds  of  discord  and  hatred  in  every  land.  Brother  de- 
nounced brother,  wives  informed  against  their  husbands, 
mothers  accused  their  children,  dungeons  were  crowded 
with  the  innocent;  the  flesh  of  the  good  and  true  rotted 
in  the  clasp  of  chains,  the  flames  devoured  the  heroic, 
and  in  the  name  of  the  most  merciful  God,  his  children 
were  exterminated  with  famine,  sword  and  fire.  Over 
the  wild  waves  of  battle  rose  and  fell  the  banner  of  Jesus 
Christ.  For  sixteen  hundred  years  the  robes  of  the 
church  were  red  with  innocent  blood.  The  ingenuity  of 
Christians  was  exhausted  in  devising  punishment  severe 
enough  to  be  inflicted  upon  other  Christians  who  honestly 


HERETICS    AND    HERESIES.  755 

and  sincerely  differed  with  them  upon  any  point  what- 
ever. 

Give  any  orthodox  church  the  power,  and  to-day  they 
would  punish  heresy  with  whip,  and  chain,  and  fire.  As 
long  as  a  church  deems  a  certain  belief  essential  to  salva- 
tion, just  so  long  it  will  kill  and  burn  if  it  has  thepow^r. 
Why  should  the  church  pity  a  man  whom  her  God  hates? 
Why  should  she  show  mercy  to  a  kind  and  noble  heretic 
whom  her  God  will  burn  in  eternal  fire?  Why  should  a 
Christian  be  better  than  his  God?  It  is  impossible  for 
the  imagination  to  conceive  of  a  greater  atrocity  than  has 
been  perpetrated  by  the  church. 

Let  it  be  remembered  that  all  churches  have  persecuted 
heretics  to  the  extent  of  their  power.  Every  nerve  in  the 
human  body  capable  of  pain  has  been  sought  out  and 
touched  by  the  church.  Toleration  has  increased  only 
when  and  where  the  power  of  the  church  has  diminished. 
From  Augustine  until  now  the  spirit  of  the  Christian  has 
remained  the  same.  There  has  been  the  same  intoler- 
ance, the  same  undying  hatred  of  all  who  think  for  them- 
selves, the  same  determination  to  crush  out  of  the  human 
brain  all  knowledge  inconsistent  with  the  ignorant  creed. 

Every  church  pretends  that  it  has  a  revelation  from 
God,  and  that  this  revelation  must  be  given  to  the  people 
through  the  church;  that  the  church  acts  through  its 
priests,  and  that  ordinary  mortals  must  be  content  with 
a  revelation — not  from  God — but  from  the  church.  Had 
the  people  submitted  to  this  preposterous  claim,  of 
course  there  could  have  been  but  one  church,  and  that 
church  never  could  have  advanced.  It  might  have  ret- 
rograded, because  it  is  not  necessary  to  think,  or  inves- 
tigate, in  order  to  forget.  Without  heresy  there  could 
have  been  no  progress. 


756  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

The  highest  type  of  the  orthodox  Christian  does  not 
forget.  Neither  does  he  learn.  He  neither  advances 
nor  recedes.  He  is  a  living  fossil,  imbedded  in  that  rock 
called  faith.  He  makes  no  effort  to  better  his  condition, 
because  all  his  strength  is  exhausted  in  keeping  other 
people  from  improving  theirs.  The  supreme  desire  of 
his  heart  is  to  force  all  others  to  adopt  his  creed,  and  in 
order  to  accomplish  this  object,  he  denounces  all  kinds  of 
free  thinking  as  a  crime,  and  this  crime  he  calls  heresy. 
When  he  had  the  power,  heresy  was  the  most  terrible 
and  formidable  of  words.  It  meant  confiscation,  exile, 
imprisonment,  torture,  and  death. 

In  those  days  the  cross  and  rack  were  inseparable  com- 
panions. Across  the  open  bible  lay  the  sword  and  fagot. 
Not  content  with  burning  such  heretics  as  were  alive, 
they  even  tried  the  dead,  in  order  that  the  church  might 
rob  their  wives  and  children .  The  property  of  all  her- 
etics was  confiscated,  and  on  this  account  they  charged 
the  dead  with  being  heretical — indicted,  as  it  were,  their 
dust — to  the  end  that  the  church  might  clutch  the  bread 
of  orphans.  Learned  divines  discussed  propriety  of  tear- 
ing out  the  tongues  of  heretics  before  they  were  burned, 
and  the  general  opinion  was  that  this  ought  to  be  done, 
so  that  the  heretics  should  not  be  able,  by  uttering  blas- 
phemies, to  shock  the  Christians  who  were  burning  them. 
With  a  mixture  of  ferocity  and  Christianity,  the  priests 
insisted  that  heretics  ought  to  be  burned  at  a  slow  fire, 
giving  as  a  reason,  that  more  time  was  given  them  for 
repentance. 

No  wonder  that  Jesus  Christ  said,  "I  came  not  to 
bring  peace  but  a  sword!  " 

Every  priest   regarded  himself   as  the  agent  of  God. 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES  757 

He  answered  all  questions  by  authority,  and  to  treat  him 
with  disrespect  was  an  insult  offered  to  God.  No  one 
was  asked  to  think,  but  all  were  commanded  to  obey. 

In  1208  the  inquisition  was  established.  Seven  years 
afterward;  the  fourth  council  of  the  Lateran  enjoined  all 
kings  and  rulers  to  swear  an  oath  that  they  would  ex- 
terminate heretics  from  their  dominions.  The  sword  of 
the  church  was  unsheathed,  and  the  world  was  at  the 
mercy  of  ignorant  and  infuriated  priests,  whose  eyes 
feasted  upon  the  agonies  they  inflicted.  Acting  as  they 
believed,  or  pretended  to  believe  under  the  command  of 
God,  stimulated  by  the  hope  of  infinite  reward  in  another 
world — hating  heretics  with  every  drop  of  their  bastile 
blood — savage  beyond  description — merciless  beyond  con- 
ception— these  infamous  priests  in  a  kind  of  frenzied  joy, 
leaped  upon  the  helpless  victims  of  their  rage.  They 
crushed  their  bones  in  iron  boots,  tore  their  quivering  flesh 
with  iron  hooks  and  pinchers,  cut  off  their  lips  and  eyelids, 
pulled  out  their  nails,  and  into  the  bleeding  quick  thrust 
needles  tore  out  their  tongues,  extinguished  their  eyes, 
stretched  them  upon  racks,  flayed  them  alive,  crucified 
them  with  their  head  downward,  exposed  them  to  wild 
beasts,  burned  them  at  the  stake,  mocked  their  cries  and 
groans,  ravished  their  wives,  robbed  their  children,  and 
then  prayed  God  to  finish  the  holy  work  in  hell. 

Millions  upon  millions  were  sacrificed  upon  the  altars 
of  bigotry.  The  Catholic  burned  the  Lutheran,  the 
Lutheran  burned  the  Catholic;  the  Episcopalian  tortured 
the  Presbyterian,  the  Presbyterian  tortured  the  Episco- 
palian. Every  denomination  killed  all  it  could  of  every 
other;  and  each  Christian  felt  it  duty  bound  to  extermin- 
ate every  other  Chistian  who  denied  the  smallest  fraction 
of  his  creed. 


758  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

In  the  reign  of  Henry  the  VIII. ,  that  pious  and  moral 
founder  of  the  Apostolic  Episcopal  church,  there  was 
passed  by  the  Parliament  of  England  an  act  entitled, 
4 'An  act  for  abolishing  of  (diversity  of  opinion."  And  in 
this  act  was  set  forth  what  a  good  Christian  was  obliged 
to  believe. 

First,  that  in  the  sacrament  was  the  real  body  and 
blood  of  Jesus  Christ. 

Second,  that  the  body  and  blood  of  Jesus  Christ  was 
in  the  bread,  and  the  blood  and  body  of  Jesus  Christ  was 
in  the  wine . 

Third,  that  priests  should  not  marry. 

Fourth,  that  vows  of  chastity  were  of  perpetual  obliga- 
tion . 

Fifth,  that  private  masses  ought  to  be  continued. 

And  sixth,  that  auricular  confession  to  a  priest  must  be 
maintained. 

This  creed  was  made  by  law,  in  order  that  all  men 
might  know  just  what  to  believe  by  simply  reading  the 
st^tate.  The  church  hated  to  see  the  people  wearing  out 
their  brains  in  thinking  upon  these  subjects.  It  was 
thought  far  better  that  a  creed  should  be  made  by  Parlia- 
ment, so  that  whatever  might  be  lacking  in  evidence 
might  be  made  up  in  force.  The  punishment  for  denying 
the  first  article  was  death  by  fire.  For  the  denial  of  any 
other  article,  imprisonment,  and  for  the  second  offense — 
death. 

Your  attention  is  called  to  these  six  articles,  estab- 
lished during  the  reign  of  Henry  VIII,  and  by  the  Church 
of  England,  simply  because  not  one  of  these  articles  is 
believed  by  that  church  to-day.  If  the  law  then  made 
by  the  church  could  be  enforced  now,  every  Episcopalian 
would  be  burned  at  the  stake. 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  759 

Similar  laws  were  passed  in  most  Christian  countries, 
as  all  orthodox  churches  firmly  believed  that  mankind 
could  be  legislated  into  heaven.  According  to  the  creed 
of  every  church,  slavery  leads  to  heaven,  liberty  leads  to 
hell.  It  was  claimed  that  God  had  founded  the  church, 
and  that  to  deny  the  authority  of  the  church  was  to  be  a 
traitor  to  God,  and  consequently  an  ally  of  the  devil.  To 
torture  and  destroy  one  of  the  soldiers  of  Satan  was  a 
duty  no  good  Christian  cared  to  neglect.  Nothing  can 
be  sweeter  than  to  earn  the  gratitude  of  God  by  killing 
your  own  enemies.  Such  a  mingling  of  profit  and  re- 
venge, of  heaven  for  yourself  and  damnation  for  those 
you  dislike,  is  a  temptation  that  your  ordinary  Christian 
never  resists. 

According  to  the  theologians,  God,  the  father  of  us  all 
wrote  a  letter  to  His  children.  The  children  have  always 
differed  somewhat  as  to  the  meaning  of  this  letter.  In 
consequence  of  these  honest  differences,  these  brothers 
began  to  cut  out  each  other's  hearts.  In  every  land, 
where  this  letter  from  God  has  been  read,  the  children  to 
whom  and  for  whom  it  was  written  have  been  filled  with 
hatred  and  malice.  They  have  imprisoned  and  murdered 
each  other,  and  the  wives  and  children  of  each  other.  In 
the  name  of  God  every  possible  crime  has  been 
committed,  every  conceivable  outrage  has  been  perpe- 
trated. Brave  men,  tender  and  loving  women,  beautiful 
girls,  prattling  babes  have  been  exterminated  in  the  name 
of  Jesus  Christ.  For  more  than  fifty  generations  the 
church  has  carried  the  black  flag.  Her  vengeance  has 
been  measured  only  by  her  power.  During  all  these  years 
of  infamy  no  heretic  has  ever  been  forgiven.  With 
the  heart  of  a  fiend  she  has  hated;  with  the  clutch  of 


760.  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

avarice  she  has  grasped;  with  the  jaws  of  a  dragon  she 
has  devoured,  pitiless  as  famine,  merciless  as  fire,  with 
the  conscience  of  a  serpent.  Such  is  the  history  of  the 
church  of  God. 

I  do  not  say,  and  I  do  not  believe,  that  Christians  are 
as  bad  as  their  creeds.  In  spite  of  church  and  dogma, 
there  have  been  millions  and  millions  of  men  and  women 
true  to  the  loftiest  and  most  generous  promptings  of  the 
human  heart.  They  have  been  true  to  their  convictions, 
and  with  a  self-denial  and  fortitude  excelled  by  none, 
have  labored  and  suffered  for  the  salvation  of  men.  Im- 
bued with  the  spirit  of  self-sacrifice,  believing  that  by 
personal  effort  they  could  rescue  at  least  a  few  souls  from 
the  infinite  shadow  of  hell,  they  have  cheerfully  endured 
every  hardship  and  scorned  danger  and  death.  And  yet, 
notwithstanding  all  this,  they  believed  that  honest  error 
was  a  crime.  They  knew  that  the  bible  so  declared,  and 
they  believed  that  all  unbelievers  would  be  eternally  lost. 
They  believed  that  religion  was  of  God,  and  all  heresy 
of  the  devil.  They  killed  heretics  in  defence  of  their  own 
souls  and  the  souls  of  their  children.  They  killed  them, 
because,  according  to  their  idea,  they  were  the  enemies 
of  God,  and  because  the  bible  teaches  that  the  blood « of 
the  unbeliever  is  a  most  acceptable  sacrifice  to  heaven. 
Nature  never  prompted  a  loving  mother  to  throw  her 
child  into  the  Ganges. 

Nature  never  prompted  men  to  exterminate  each  other 
for  a  difference  of  opinion  concerning  the  baptism  of  in- 
fants. These  crimes  have  been  produced  by  religions 
filled  with  all  that  is  illogical,  cruel  and  hideous.  These 
religions  were  produced  for  the  most  part  by  ignorance, 
tyranny,  and  hypocrisy.  Under  the  impression  that  the 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  ?6l 

infinite  ruler  and  creator  of  the  universe  had  commanded 
the  destruction  of  heretics  and  infidels,  the  church  per- 
petrated all  these  crimes. 

Men  and  women  have  been  burned  for  thinking  that 
there  was  but  one  God;  that  there  was  none;  that  the 
Holy  Ghost  is  younger  than  God;  that  God  was  some- 
what older  than  his  Son;  for  insisting  that  good  works 
will  save  a  man,  without  faith;  that  faith  will  do  without 
good  works;  for  declaring  that  a  sweet  babe  will  not  be 
barned  eternally,  because  its  parents  failed  to  have  its 
head  wet  by  a  priest;  for  speaking  of  God  as  though  He 
had  a  nose;  for  denying  that  Christ  was  His  own  father; 
for  contending  that  three  persons,  rightly  added  together, 
make  more  than  one;  for  believing  in  purgatory;  for  deny- 
ing the  reality  of  hell;  for  pretending  that  priests  can  for- 
give sins;  for  preaching  that  God  is  an  essence;  for  deny- 
ing that  witches  rode  through  the  air  on  sticks;  for  doubt- 
ing the  total  depravity  of  the  human  heart;  for  laughing 
at  irresistible  grace,  predestination,  and  particular  re- 
demption; for  denying  that  good  bread  could  be  made  of 
the  body  of  a  dead  man;  for  pretending  that  the  Pope 
was  not  managing  this  world  for  God,  and  in  place  of 
God-  for  disputing  the  efficacy  of  a  vicarious  atonement; 
for  thinking  that  the  Virgin  Mary  was  born  like  other 
people;  for  thinking  that  a  man's  rib  was  hardly  sufficient 
to  make  a  good  sized  woman;  for  denying  that  God  used 
His  finger  for  a  pen;  for  asserting  that  prayers  are  not 
answered,  that  diseases  are  not  set  to  punish  unbelief;  for 
denying  the  authority  of  the  bible;  for  having  a  bible  in 
their  possession;  for  attending  mass,  and  for  refusing  to 
attend;  for  wearing  a  surplice;  for  carrying  a  cross,  and 
for  refusing;  for  being  a  Catholic,  and  for  being  a  Pr  Jtes- 


762  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

tant,  for  oemg  an  Episcopalian,  a  Presbyterian,  a  Baptist, 
and  for  being  a  Quaker.  In  short,  every  virtue  has  been 
a  crime,  and  every  crime  a  virtue.  The  church  has 
burned  honesty  and  rewarded  hypocrisy,  and  all  this  she 
did  because  it  was  commanded  by  a  book — a  book  that 
men  had  been  taught  implicitly  to  believe,  long  before 
they  knew  one  word  that  was  in  it.  They  had  been 
taught  that  to  doubt  the  truth  of  this  book,  to  examine 
it,  even,  was  a  crime  of  such  enormity  that  it  could  not 
be  forgiven,  either  in  this  world  or  in  the  next. 

The  bible  was  the  real  persecutor.  The  bible  burned 
heretics,  built  dungeons,  founded  the  Inquisition,  and 
trampled  upon  all  the  liberties  of  men. 

How  long,  O  how  long  will  mankind  worship  a  book? 
How  long  will  they  grovel  in  the  dust  before  the  ignor- 
ant legends  of  the  barbaric  past?  How  long,  O  how 
long  will  they  pursue  phantoms  in  a  darkness  deeper  than 
death? 

Unfortunately  for  the  world,  about  the  beginning  of 
the  sixteenth  century  a  man  by  the  name  of  Gerard 
Chauvin  was  married  to  Jeanne  Lefranc,  and  still  more 
unfortunately  for  the  world,  the  fruit  of  this  marriage 
was  a  son,  called  John  Chauvin,  who  afterward  became 
famous  as  John  Calvin,  the  founder  of  the  Presbyterian 
church. 

This  man  forged  five  fetters  for  the  brain.  These 
fetters  he  called  points.  That  is  to  say,  predestination, 
particular  redemption,  total  depravity,  irresistible  grace, 
and  the  perseverance  of  the  saints.  About  the  neck  of 
each  follower  he  put  a  collar,  bristling  with  these  five 
iron  points.  The  presence  of  all  these  points  on  the 
collar  is  still  the  test  of  orthodoxy  in  the  church  he 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  763 

founded.  This  man,  when  in  the  flush  of  youth,  was 
elected  to  the  office  of  preacher  in  Geneva.  He  at  once, 
in  union  with  Farel,  drew  up  a  condensed  statement  of 
the  Presbyterian  doctrine,  and  all  the  citizens  of  Geneva, 
on  pain  of  banishment,  were  compelled  to  take  an  oath 
that  they  believed  this  statement.  Of  this  proceeding 
Calvin  very  innocently  remarked,  that  it  produced  great 
satisfaction.  A  man  by  the  name  of  Caroli  had  the 
audacity  to  dispute  with  Calvin.  For  this  outrage  he 
was  banished. 

To  show  you  what  great  subjects  occupied  the  attention 
of  Calvin,  it  is  only  necessary  to  state,  that  he  furiously 
discussed  the  question,  as  to  whether  the  sacramental 
bread  should  be  leavened  or  unleavened.  He  drew  up  laws 
regulating  the  cut  of  the  citizens'  clothes,  and  prescribing 
their  diet,  and  all  whose  garments  were  not  in  the  Calvin 
fashion  were  refused  the  sacrament.  At  last,  the  people  be- 
coming tired  of  this  petty,  theological  tyranny,  banished 
Calvin.  In  a  few  years,  however,  he  was  recalled  and 
received  with  great  enthusiasm.  After  this,  he  was  su- 
preme, and  the  will  of  Calvin  became  the  law  of  Geneva. 

Under  the  benign  administration  of  Calvin,  James 
Gruet  was  beheaded  because  he  had  written  some  pro- 
fane verses.  The  slightest  word  against  Calvin  or  his 
absurd  doctrine  was  punished  as  a  crime. 

In  1553,  a  man  was  tried  at  Vienne  by  the  Catholic 
church  for  heresy.  He  was  convicted  and  sentenced  to 
death  by  burning.  It  was  his  good  fortune  to  escape. 
Pursued  by  the  sleuth  hounds  of  intolerance  he  fled  to 
Geneva  for  protection.  A  dove  flying  from  hawks, 
sought  safety  in  the  nest  of  a  vulture.  This  fugitive 
from  the  cruelty  of  Rome  asked  shelter  from  John  Calvin, 


764  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

who  had  written  a  book  in  favor  of  religious  toleration. 
Servetus  had  forgotten  that  this  book  was  written  by 
Calvin  when  in  the  minority;  that  it  was  written  in  weak- 
ness to  be  forgetten  in  power;  that  it  was  produced  by 
fear  instead  of  principle.  He  did  not  know  that  Calvin 
had  caused  his  arrest  at  Vienne,  in  France,  and  had  sent 
a  cop^  of  his  work,  which  was  claimed  to  be  blasphem- 
ous to  the  archbishop.  He  did  not  then  know  that  the 
Protestant,  Calvin,  was  acting  as  one  of  the  detectives 
of  the  Catholic  church,  and  had  been  instrumental  in 
procuring  his  conviction  for  heresy.  Ignorant  of  all  this 
unspeakable  infamy,  he  put  himself  in  the  power  of  this 
very  Calvin.  The  maker  of  the  Presbyterian  creed 
caused  the  fugitive  Servetus  to  be  arrested  for  blasphemy. 
He  was  tried;  Calvin  was  his  accuser.  He  was  convicted 
and  condemned  to  death  by  fire.  On  the  morning  of  the 
fatal  day,  Calvin  saw  him;  and  Servetus,  the  victim, 
asked  forgiveness  of  Calvin,  the  murderer,  for  anything 
he  might  have  said  that  had  wounded  his  feelings. 
Servetus  was  bound  to  the  stake,  the  fagots  were  lighted. 
The  wind  carried  the  flames  somewhat  away  from  his 
body,  so  that  he  slowly  roasted  for  hours.  Vainly  he 
implored  a  speedy  death.  At  last  the  flame  climbed 
around  his  form;  through  smoke  and  fire  his  murderers 
saw  a  white,  heroic  face.  And  there  they  watched  until 
a  man  became  a  charred  and  shriveled  mass. 

Liberty  was  banished  from  Geneva,  and  nothing  but 
Presbyterianism  was  left;  honor,  justice,  mercy,  reason 
and  charity  were  all  exiled;  but  the  five  points  of  pre- 
destination, particular  redemption,  irresistible  grace,  to- 
tal depravity,  and  the  certain  perseverance  of  the  saints 
remained  instead. 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  765 

Calvin  founded  a  little  theocracy  in  Geneva,  modeled 
after  the  old  testament,  and  succeeded  in  erecting  the 
most  detestable  government  that  ever  existed,  except  the 
one  from  which  it  was  copied. 

Against  all  this  intolerance,  one  man,  a  minister,  raised 
his  voice.  The  name  of  this  man  should  never  be  for- 
gotten. It  was  Castellio.  This  brave  man  had  the 
goodness  and  the  courage  to  declare  tfre  innocence  of 
honest  error.  He  was  the  first  of  the  so-called  reformers 
to  take  this  noble  ground.  I  wish  I  had  the  genius  to 
pay  a  fitting  tribute  to  his  memory.  Perhaps  it  would  be 
impossible  to  pay  him  a  grander  compliment  than  to  say, 
Castellio  was  in  all  things  the  opposite  of  Calvin.  To 
plead  for  the  right  of  individual  judgment  was  considered 
as  a  crime,  and  Castellio  was  driven  from  Geneva  by 
John  Calvin.  By  him  he  was  denounced  as  a  child  of 
the  devil,  as  a  dog  of  Satan,  as  a  beast  from  hell,  and  as 
one  who,  by  this  horrid  blasphemy  of  the  innocence  of 
honest  error,  crucified  Christ  afresh,  and  by  him  he  was 
pursued  until  rescued  by  the  hand  of  death. 

Upon  the  name  of  Castellio,  Calvin  heaved  every 
epithet,  until  his  malice  was  satisfied  and  his  imagination 
exhausted.  It  is  impossible  to  conceive  how  human 
nature  can  become  so  frightfully  perverted  as  to  pursue  a 
fellow-man  with  the  malignity  of  a  fiend,  simply  because 
he  is  good,  just  and  generous. 

Calvin  was  of  a  pallid,  bloodless  complexion,  thin, 
sickly,  irritable,  gloomy,  impatient,  egotistic,  tyrannical, 
heartless  and  infamous.  He  was  a  strange  compound  of 
revengeful  morality,  malicious  forgiveness,  ferocious 
charity,  egotistic  humility,  and  a  kind  of  hellish  justice. 
In  other  words,  he  was  as  near  like  the  God  of  the  old 
testament  as  his  health  permitted. 


766  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

The  best  thing,  however,  about  the  Presbyterians  of 
Geneva  was,  that  they  denied  the  power  of  the  Pope, 
and  the  best  thing  about  the  Pope  was,  that  he  was  not  a 
Presbyterian. 

The  doctrines  of  Calvin  spread  rapidly,  and  were 
eagerly  accepted  by  multitudes  on  the  continent.  But 
Scotland,  in  a  few  years,  became  the  real  fortress  of 
Presbyterianism.  The  Scotch  rivaled  the  adherents  of 
Calvin,  and  succeeded  in  establishing  the  same  kind  of 
theocracy  that  flourished  in  Geneva.  The  clergy  took 
possession  and  control  of  everybody  and  everything.  It 
is  impossible  to  exaggerate  the  slavery,  the  mental  deg- 
radation, the  abject  superstition  of  the  people  of  Scot- 
land during  the  reign  of  Presbyterianism.  Heretics  were 
hunted  and  devoured  as  though  they  had  been  wild  beasts. 
The  gloomy  insanity  of  Presbyterianism  took  possession 
of  a  great  majority  of  the  people.  They  regarded  their 
ministers  as  the  Jews  did  Moses  and  Aaron.  They  be- 
lieved that  they  were  the  especial  agents  of  God,  and 
that  whatsoever  they  bound  in  Scotland  would  be  bound 
in  heaven.  There  was  not  one  particle  of  intellectual 
freedom.  No  one  was  allowed  to  differ  from  the  church, 
or  to  even  contradict  a  priest.  Had  Presbyterianism 
maintained  its  ascendancy,  Scotland  would  have  been 
peopled  by  savages  to-day.  The  revengeful  spirit  of 
Calvin  took  possession  of  the  Puritans  and  caused  them 
to  redden  the  soil  of  the  new  world  with  the  brave  blood 
of  honest  men.  Clinging  to  the  five  points  of  Calvin, 
they,  too,  established  governments  in  accordance  with 
the  teachings  of  the  old  testament.  They,  too,  attached 
the  penalty  of  death  to  the  expression  of  honest  thought. 
They,  too,  believed  their  church  supreme,  and  exerted 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  767 

all  their  power  to  curse  this  continent  with  a  spiritual 
despotism  as  infamous  as  it  was  absurd.  They  believed 
with  Luther  that  universal  toleration  is  universal  error, 
and  universal  error  is  universal  hell.  Toleration  was 
denounced  as  a  crime. 

Fortunately  for  us,  civilization  has  had  a  softening 
effect  upon  the  Presbyterian  church.  To  the  ennobling 
influence  of  the  arts  and  science  the  savage  spirit  of  Cal- 
vinism has,  in  some  slight  degree,  succumbed.  True,  the 
old  creed  remains  substantially  as  it  was  written,  but  by 
a  kind  of  tacit  understanding  it  has  come  to  be  regarded 
as  a  relic  of  the  past.  The  cry  of  <( heresy"  has  been 
growing  fainter  and  fainter,  and,  as  a  consequence,  the 
ministers  of  that  denomination  have  ventured  now  and 
then  to  express  doubts  as  to  the  damnation  of  infants, 
and  the  doctrine  of  total  depravity.  The  fact  is,  the  old 
ideas  became  a  little  monotonous  to  the  people.  The 
fall  of  man,  the  scheme  of  redemption  and  irresistible 
grace,  began  to  have  a  familiar  sound.  The  preachers 
told  the  old  stories  while  the  congregation  slept.  Some 
of  the  ministers  became  tired  of  these  stories  themselves. 
The  five  points  grew  dull,  and  they  felt  that  nothing 
short  ot  irresistible  grace  could  bear  this  endless  repeti- 
tion. The  outside  world  was  full  of  progress,  and  in 
every  direction  men  advanced,  while  the  church,  anchored 
to  a  creed,  idly  rotted  at  the  shore.  Other  denomina- 
tions, imbued  some  little  with  the  spirit  of  investigation, 
were  springing  up  on  every  side,  while  the  old  Presbyte- 
rian ark  rested  on  the  Ararat  of  the  past,  rilled  with  the 
theological  monsters  of  another  age. 

Lured  by  the  splendors  of  the  outer  world,  tempted  by 
the  achievements  of  science,  longing  to  feel  the  throw 


768  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

and  beat  of  the  mighty  march  of  the  human  race,  a  few 
of  the  ministers  of  this  conservative  denomination  were 
compelled  by  irresistible  sense,  to  say  a  few  words  in 
harmony  with  the  splendid  ideas  of  to-day. 

These  utterances  have  upon  several  occasions  so  nearly 
awakened  some  of  the  members,  that,  rubbing  their 
eyes,  they  have  feebly  inquired  whether  these  grand  ideas 
were  not  somewhat  heretical?  These  ministers  found 
that  just  in  proportion  as  their  orthodoxy  decreased,  their 
congregations  increased.  Those  who  dealt  in  the  pure 
unadulterated  article,  found  themselves  demonstrating 
the  five  points  to  a  less  number  of  hearers  than  they  had 
points.  Stung  to  madness  by  this  bitter  truth,  this  gall- 
ing contrast,  this  harassing  fact,  the  really  orthodox  have 
raised  the  cry  of  heresy,  and  expect  with  this  cry  to  seal 
the  lips  of  honest  men.  One  of  these  ministers,  and  one 
who  has  been  enjoying  the  luxury  of  a  little  hones* 
thought,  and  the  real  rapture  of  expressing  it,  has  already 
been  indicted,  and  is  about  to  be  tried  by  the  Presby- 
tery of  Illinois. 

He  has  been  charged: 

First.  With  speaking  in  an  ambiguous  language  in 
relation  to  that  dear  old  doctrine  of  the  fall  of  man . 
With  having  neglected  to  preach  that  most  comforting 
and  consoling  truth,  the  eternal  damnation  of  the  soul. 

Surely,  that  man  must  be  a  monster  who  could  wish 
to  blot  this  blessed  doctrine  out  and  rob  earth's  wretched 
children  of  this  blissful  hope! 

Who  can  estimate  the  misery  that  has  been  caused  by 
this  most  infamous  doctrine  of  eternal  punishment? 
Think  of  the  lives  it  has  blighted — of  the  tears  it  has 
caused — of  the  agony  it  has  produced.  Think  of  the 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  769 

millions  who  have  been  driven  to  insanity  by  this  most 
terrible  of  dogmas.  This  doctrine  renders  God  the  basest 
and  most  cruel  being  in  the  universe.  Compared  with 
him,  the  most  frightful  deities  of  the  most  barbarous  and 
degraded  tribes  are  miracles  of  goodness  and  mercy. 
There  is  nothing  more  degrading  than  to  worship  such  a 
God.  Lower  than  this  the  soul  can  never  sink.  If  the 
doctrine  of  eternal  damnation  is  true,  let  me  have  my 
portion  in  hell,  rather  than  in  heaven  with  a  God  infam- 
ous enough  to  inflict  eternal  misery  upon  any  of  the  sons 
of  men. 

Second  With  having  spoken  a  few  kind  words  of 
Robert  Collyer  and  John  Stuart  Mill . 

I  have  the  honor  of  a  slight  acquaintance  with  Robert 
Collyer.  I  have  read  with  pleasure  some  of  his  exquisite 
productions.  He  has  a  brain  full  of  the  dawn,  the  head 
of  a  philosopher,  the  imagination  of  a  poet,  and  the  sin- 
cere heart  of  a  child. 

Is  a  minister  to  be  silenced  because  he  speaks  fairly  of 
a  noble  and  candid  adversary?  Is  it  a  crime  to  compli- 
ment a  lover  of  justice,  an  advocate  of  liberty;  one  who 
devoted  his  life  to  the  elevation  of  man,  the  discovery  of 
truth,  and  the  promulgation  of  what  he  believed  to  be 
right? 

Can  that  tongue  be  palsied  by  a  presbytery  that  praises 
a  self-denying  and  heroic  life?  Is  it  a  sin  to  speak  a  charit- 
able word  over  the  grave  of  John  Stuart  Mill?  Is  it 
heretical  to  pay  a  just  and  graceful  tribute  to  departed 
worth?  Must  the  true  Presbyterian  violate  the  sanctity 
of  the  tomb,  dig  open  the  grave,  and  ask  his  God  to  curse 
the  silent  dust?  Is  Presbyterianism  so  narrow  that  it 
conceives  of  no  excellence,  of  no  purity  of  intention,  of 


7/O  INGERSOLLS  LECTURES. 

no  spiritual  and  moral  grandeur  outside  of  its  barbaric 
creed?  Does  it  still  retain  within  its  stony  heart  all  the 
malice  of  its  founder?  Is  it  still  warming  its  fleshless 
hands  at  the  flames  that  consumed  Servetus?  Does  it 
still  glory  in  the  damnation  of  infants,  and  does  it  still 
persist  in  emptying  the  cradle  in  order  that  perdition 
may  be  filled?  Is  it  still  starving  the  soul  and  famishing 
the  heart?  Is  it  still  trembling  and  shivering,  crouching 
and  crawling,  before  its  ignorant  confession  of  faith? 

Had  such  men  as  Robert  Collyer  and  John  Stuart  Mill 
been  present  at  the  burning  of  Servetus,  they  would  have 
extinguished  the  flames  with  their  tears.  Had  the  Pres- 
bytery of  Chicago  been  there,  they  would  have  quietly 
turned  their  backs,  solemnly  divided  their  coat-tails  and 
warmed  themselves. 

Third.  With  having  spoken  disparagingly  of  the  doc- 
trine of  predestination. 

If  there  is  any  dogma  that  ought  to  be  protected  by 
law,  predestination  is  that  doctrine.  Surely  it  'is  a  cheer- 
ful, joyous  thing  to  one  who  is  laboring,  struggling  and 
suffering  in  this  weary  world,  to  think  that  before  he  ex- 
isted, before  the  earth  was,  before  a  star  had  glittered  in 
the  heavens,  before  a  ray  of  light  had  left  the  quiver  of 
the  sun,  his  destiny  had  been  irrevocably  fixed,  and  that 
for  an  eternity  before  his  birth  he  had  been  doomed  to 
bear  eternal  pain! 

Fourth.  With  having  failed  to  preach  the  efficacy  of 
"vicarious  sacrifice." 

Suppose  a  man  had  been  convicted  of  murder,  and  was 
about  to  be  hanged — the  Governor  acting  as  the  execu- 
tioner. And  suppose  just  as  the  doomed  man  was  to 
suffer  death,  some  one  in  the  crowd  should  step  forward 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  7/1 

and  say,  "  I  am  willing  to  die  in  the  place  of  that  mur- 
derer. He  has  a  family,  and  I  have  none."  And  sup- 
pose further  that  the  Governor  should  reply.  "  Come 
forward,  young  man,  your  offer  is  accepted.  A  murder 
has  been  committed,  and  somebody  must  be  hung,  and 
your  death  will  satisfy  the  law  just  as  well  as  the  death 
of  the  murderer."  What  would  you  then  think  of  the 
doctrine  of  "  vicarious  sacrifice?" 

This  doctrine  is  the  consummation  of  two  outrages — 
forgiving  one  ciime  and  committing  another. 

Fifth.  With  having  inculcated  a  phase  of  the  doctrine 
commonly  known  as  "Evolution"  or  "Development.'' 

The  church  believes  and  teaches  the  exact  opposite  of 
this  doctrine.  According  to  the  philosophy  of  theology, 
man  has  continued  to  degenerate  for  six  thousand  years. 
To  teach  that  there  is  that  in  Nature  which  impels  to 
higher  forms  and  grander  ends,  is  heresy  of  course.  The 
Deity  will  damn  Spencer  and  his  "Evolution,"  Darwin 
and  his  "Origin  of  Species,"  Bastin  and  his  "Spon- 
taneous Generation,"  Huxley  and  his  "Protoplasm," 
Tyndall  and  his  "Prayer  Guage,"  and  will  save  those, 
and  those  only  who  declare  that  the  universe  has  been 
cursed  from  the  smallest  atom  to  the  grandest  star;  that 
everything  tends  to  evil,  and  to  that  only;  and  that  the 
only  perfect  thing  in  Nature  is  the  Presbyterian  confes- 
sion of  faith. 

Sixth.  With  having  intimated  that  the  reception  of 
Socrates  and  Penelope  at  heaven's  gate  was,  to  say  the 
least,  a  trifle  more  cordial  than  that  of  Catherine  II. 

Penelope  waiting  patiently  and  trustfully  for  her  lord's 
return,  delaying  her  suitors,  while  sadly  weaving  and  un- 
weaving the  shroud  of  Laertes,  is  the  most  perfect  type 


772  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

of  wife  and  woman  produced  by  the  civilization  of 
Greece. 

Socrates,  whose  life  was  above  reproach,  and  whose 
death  was  beyond  all  praise,  stands  to-day,  in  the  esti- 
mation of  every  thoughtful  man,  at  least  the  peer  of 
Christ. 

Catharine  II  assassinated  her  husband.  Stepping 
upon  his  corpse,  she  mounted  the  throne.  She  was  the 
murderess  of  Prince  Iwan,  the  grand-nephew  of  Peter  the 
Great,  who  was  imprisoned  for  eighteen  years,  and  who, 
during  all  that  time,  saw  the  sky  but  once.  Taken  all  in 
all,  Catharine  was  probably  one  of  the  most  intellectual 
beasts  that  ever  wore  a  crown. 

Catharine,  however,  was  the  head  of  the  Greek  Church, 
Socrates  was  a  heretic,  and  Penelope  lived  and  died  with- 
out having  once  heard  of  "  particular  redemption,"  or 
''irresistible  grace." 

Seventh.  With  repudiating  the  idea  of  a  "call  "to 
ministry,  and  pretending  that  men  were  "called,"  to 
preach  as  they  were  to  the  other  avocations  of  life. 

If  this  doctrine  is  true,  God,  to  say  the  least  of  it,  is 
an  exceedingly  poor  judge  of  human  nature.  It  is  more 
than  a  century  since  a  man  of  true  genius  has  been  found 
in  an  orthodox  pulpit.  Every  minister  is  heretical  just 
to  the  extent  that  his  intellect  is  above  the  average.  The 
Lord  seems  to  be  satisfied  with  mediocrity;  but  the  peo- 
ple are  not. 

An  old  deacon,  wishing  to  get  rid  of  an  unpopular 
preacher,  advised  him  to  give  up  the  ministry,  and  turn 
his  attention  to  something  else.  The  preacher  replied 
that  he  could  not  conscientiously  desert  the  pulpit,  as  he 
had  a  "call"  to  the  ministry.  To  which  the  deacon 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  773 

replied,  "  That  may  be  so,  but  it's  mighty  unfortunate 
for  you  that  when  God  called  you  to  preach,  He  forgot 
to  call  anybody  to  hear  you." 

There  is  nothing  more  stupidly  egotistic  than  the  claim 
of  the  clergy  that  they  are,  in  some  divine  sense,  set 
apart  to  the  service  of  the  Lord;  that  they  have  been 
chosen  and  sanctified;  that  there  is  an  infinite  difference 
between  them  and  persons  employed  in  secular  affairs. 
They  teach  us  that  all  other  professions  must  take  care 
of  themselves;  that  God  allows  anybody  to  be  a  doctor, 
a  lawyer,  statesman,  soldier,  or  artist;  that  the  Motts 
and  Coopers — the  Mansfields  and  Marshalls — the  Wilber- 
forces  and  Sumners — the  Angelos  and  Raphaels — were 
never  honored  by  a  "call."  These  chose  their  profes- 
sions and  won  their  laurels  without  the  assistance  of  the 
Lord.  All  these  men  were  left  free  to  follow  their  own 
inclinations  while  God  was  busily  engaged  selecting  and 
"  calling  "  priests,  rectors,  elders,  ministers  and  exhorters. 

Eighth.  With  having  doubted  that  God  was  the 
author  of  the  lOQth  Psalm. 

The  portion  of  that  Psalm  which  carries  with  it  the 
clearest  and  most  satisfactory  evidences  of  inspiration, 
and  which  has  afforded  almost  unspeakable  consolation 
to  the  Presbyterian  church,  is  as  follows: 

"Set  thou  a  wicked  man  over  him;  and  let  Satan 
stand  at  his  right  hand. 

"When  he  shall  be  judged,  let  him  be  condemned; 
and  let  his  prayer  become  sin. 

"  Let  his  days  be  few;  and  let  .another  take  his  office. 

"  Let  his  children  be  fatherless,  and  his  wife  a  widow. 

"  Let  his  children  be  continually  vagabonds,  and  beg; 
let  them  seek  their  bread  also  out  of  their  desolate  places. 


774  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

"Let  the  extortioner  catch  all  that  he  hated;  and  let 
the  strangers  spoil  his  labor. 

"  Let  there  be  none  to. extend  mercy  unto  him;  neither 
let  there  be  none  to  favor  his  fatherless  children. 

"  Let  his  posterity  be  cut  off;  and  in  the  generation 
following  let  their  name  be  blotted  out. 

*  #  #  *  # 

"But  do  thou  for  me,  O  God  the  Lord,  for  Thy 
name's  sake;  because  Thy  mercy  is  good,  deliver  thou  me. 
*  *  *  I  will  greatly  praise  the  Lord  with  my  mouth." 

Think  of  a  God  wicked  and  malicious  enough  to  in- 
spire this  prayer.  Think  of  one  infamous  enough  to 
answer  it. 

Had  this  inspired  Psalm  been  found  in  some  temple 
erected  for  the  worship  of  snakes,  or  in  the  possession  of 
some  cannibal  king,  written  with  blood  upon  the  dried 
skins  of  babes,  there  would  have  been  a  perfect  harmony 
between  its  surroundings  -and  its  sentiments. 

No  wonder  that  the  author  of  this  inspired  Psalm 
coldly  received  Socrates  and  Penelope,  and  reserved  his 
sweetest  smiles  for  Catharine  the  Second! 

Ninth.  With  having  said  that  the  battles  in  which 
the  Israelites  engaged  with  the  approval  and  command  of 
Jehovah  surpassed  in  cruelty  those  of  Julius  Cassar. 

Was  it  Julius  Caesar  who  said,  "And  the  Lord  our 
God  delivered  him  before  us;  and  we  smote  him,  and  his 
sons,  and  all  his  people.  And  we  took  all  his  cities,  and 
utterly  destroyed  the  men,  and  the  women  and  the  little 
ones,  of  every  city,  we  left  none  to  remain?  " 

Did  Julius  Caesar  send  the  following  report  to  the 
Roman  Senate?  "And  we  took  all  his  cities  at  that 
time,  there  was  not  a  city  which  we  took  not  from  them, 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  775 

three-score  city,  all  the  region  of  Argob,  the  kingdom  of 
Og,  in  Bashan.  All  these  cities  were  fenced  with  high 
walls,  gates  and  bars;  besides  un walled  towns  a  great 
many.  And  we  utterly  destroyed  them,  as  we  did  unto 
Sihon,  king  of  Heshbon,  utterly  destroying  the  men, 
women,  and  children  of  every  city." 

Did  Caesar  take  the  city  of  Jericho  "and  utterly 
destroy  all  that  was  in  the  city,  both  man  and  woman, 
young  and  old?"  Did  he  smite  "  all  the  country  of  the 
hills,  and  of  the  south,  and  of  the  vale,  and  of  the  springs, 
and  all  their  kings,  and  leave  none  remaining  that 
breathed,  as  the  Lord  God  had  commanded?" 

Search  the  records  of  the  whole  world,  find  out  the 
history  of  every  barbarous  tribe,  and  you  can  find  no 
crime  that  touched  a  lower  depth  of  infamy  than  those 
the  bible's  God  commanded  and  approved .  For  such  a 
God  I  have  no  words  to  express  my  loathing  and  con- 
tempt, and  all  the  words  in  all  the  languages  of  man 
would  scarcely  be  sufficient.  Away  with  such  a  God! 
Give  me  Jupiter  rather,  with  lo  and  Europa,  or  even 
Siva  with  his  skulls  and  snakes,  or  give  me  none. 

Tenth.  With  having  repudiated  the  doctrines  of 
"total  depravity." 

What  a  precious  doctrine  is  that  of  the  total  depravity 
of  the  human  heart!  How  sweet  it  is  to  believe  that  the 
lives  of  all  the  good  and  great  were  continual  sins  and 
perpetual  crimes;  that  the  love  a  mother  bears  her  child 
is,  in  the  sight  of  God,  a  sin;  that  the  gratitude  of  the 
natural  heart  is  simple  meanness;  that  the  tears  of  pity 
are  impure;  that  for  the  unconverted  to  live  and  labor  for 
others  is  an  offense  to  heaven;  that  the  noblest  aspira- 
tions of  the  soul  are  low  and  grovelling  in  the  sight  of 


776  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

God;  that  man  should  fall  upon  his  knees  and  ask  for- 
giveness, simply  for  loving  his  wife  and  child,  and  that 
even  the  act  of  asking  forgiveness  is  in  fact  a  crime. 

Surely  it  is  a  kind  of  bliss  to  feel  that  every  woman 
and  child  in  the  wide  world,  with  the  exception  of  those 
who  believe  the  five  points,  or  some  other  equally  cruel 
creed,  and  such  children  as  have  been  baptized,  ought  at 
this  very  moment  to  be  dashed  down  to  the  lowest  glow- 
ing gulf  of  the  hell! 

Take  from  the  Christian  the  history  of  his  own  church; 
leave  that  entirely  out  of  the  question,  and  he  has  no 
argument  left  with  which  to  substantiate  the  total 
depravity  of  man. 

A  minister  once  asked  an  old  lady,  a  member  of  his 
church,  what  she  thought  of  the  doctrine"  of  total 
depravity,  and  the  dear  old  soul  replied  that  she  thought 
it  a  mighty  good  doctrine  if  the  Lord  would  only  give  the 
people  grace  enough  to  live  up  to  it? 

Eleventh.  With  having  doubted  the  "perseverance 
of  the  saints." 

I  suppose  the  real  meaning  of  this  doctrine  is  that  Pres- 
byterians are  just  as  sure  of  going  to  heaven  as  all  other 
folks  are  of  going  to  hell.  The  real  idea  being,  that  it 
all  depends  upon  the  will  of  God,  and  not  upon  the 
character  of  the  person  to  be  damned  or  saved;  that  God 
has  the  weakness  to  send  Presbyterians  to  Paradise,  and 
the  justice  to  doom  the  rest  of  mankind  to  eternal  fire. 

It  is  admitted  that  no  unconverted  brain  can  see  the 
least  of  sense  in  this  doctrine;  that  it  is  abhorrent  to  all 
who  have  not  been  the  recipients  of  a  te  new  heart;  " 
that  only  the  perfectly  good  can  justify  the  perfectly  in- 
famous. 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  777 

It  is  contended  that  the  saints  do  not  persevere  of  their 
own  free  will — that  they  are  entitled  to  no  credit  for  per- 
severing; but  that  God  forces  them  to  persevere;  while  on 
the  other  hand,  every  crime  is  committed  in  accordance 
with  the  secret  will  of  God,  who  does  all  things  for  His 
own  glory. 

Compared  with  this  doctrine,  there  is  no  other  idea, 
that  has  ever  been  believed  by  man,  that  can  properly  be 
called  absurd. 

As  to  the  doctrine  of  the  perseverance  of  the  saints, 
I  wish  with  all  my  heart  that  it  may  prove  to  be  a  fact. 
I  really  hope  that  every  saint,  no  matter  how  badly  he 
may  break  on  the  first  quarter,  nor  how  many  shoes  he 
may  cast  at  the  half-mile  pole,  will  foot  it  bravely  down 
the  long  home-stretch,  and  win  eternal  heaven  by  at  least 
a  neck. 

Twelfth.  With  having  spoken  and  written  somewhat 
ightly  of  the  idea  of  converting  the  heathen  with  doc- 
trinal sermons. 

Of  all  the  failures  of  which  we  have  any  history  or 
knowledge  the  missionary  effort  is  the  most  conspicuous. 
The  whole  question  has  been  decided  here,  in  our  own 
country,  and  conclusively  settled.  We  have  nearly  ex- 
terminated the  Indians;  but  we  have  converted  none. 
From  the  days  of  John  Eliot  to  the  execution  of  the  last 
Modoc,  not  one  Indian  has  been  the  subject  of  irresisti- 
ble grace  or  particular  redemption.  The  few  red  men 
who  roam  the  Western  wilderness  have  no  thought  or 
care  concerning  the  five  points  of  Calvin.  They  are 
utterly  oblivious  to  the  great  and  vital  truths  contained 
in  the  Thirty-nine  articles,  the  Saybrook  platform,  and 
the  resolutions  of  the  Evangelical  Alliance.  No  Indian 


778  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

has  ever  scalped  another  on  account  of  his  religious  belief. 
This  of  itself  shows  conclusively  that  the  missionaries 
have  had  no  effect. 

Why  should  we  convert  the  heathen  of  China  and  kill 
our  own?  Why  should  we  send  missionaries  across  the 
seas,  and  soldiers  over  the  plains?  Why  should  we  send 
bibles  to  the  East  and  muskets  to  the  West?  If  it  is  im- 
possible to  convert  Indians  who  have  no  religion  of  their 
own;  no  prejudice  for  or  against  the  "  eternal  procession 
of  the  Holy  Ghost,"  how  can  we  expect  to  convert  a 
heathen  who  has  a  religion;  who  has  plenty  of  gods  and 
bibles  and  prophets  and  Christs,  and  who  has  a  religious 
literature  far  grander  than  our  own?  Can  we  hope,  with 
the  story  of  Daniel  in  the  lion's  den,  to  rival  the  stupend- 
ous miracles  of  India?  Is  there  anything  in  our  bible  as 
lofty  and  loving  as  the  prayer  of  the  Buddhist?  Com- 
pare your  "Confession  of  Faith"  with  the  following: 

"  Never  will  I  seek  nor  receive  private  individual  sal- 
vation— never  enter  into  final  peace  alone;  but  forever 
and  everywhere  will  I  live  and  strive  for  the  universal 
redemption  of  every  creature  throughout  all  worlds. 
Until  all  are  delivered,  never  will  I  leave  the  world  of  sin, 
sorrow  and  struggle,  but  will  remain  where  I  am." 

Think  of  sending  an  average  Presbyterian  to  convert  a 
man  who  daily  offers  this  tender,  this  infinitely  generous 
and  incomparable  prayer!  Think  of  reading  the  io9th 
Psalm  to  a  heathen  who  has  a  bible  of  his  own,  in  which 
is  found  this  passage:  Blessed  is  that  man,  and  beloved 
of  all  the  gods,  who  is  afraid  of  no  man,  and  of  whom  no 
man  is  afraid!  " 

Why  should  you  read  even  the  new  testament  to  a 
Hindoo,  when  his  own  Christna  has  said:  "  If  a  man 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  7/9 

strike  thee,  arid  in  striking  drop  his  staff,  pick  it  up  and 
hand  it  to  him  again? "  Why  send  a  Presbyterian  to  a 
Sufi,  who  says:  "  Better  one  moment  of  silent  contem- 
plation and  inward  love,  than  seventy  thousand  years  of 
outward  worship?  "  "  Whosoever  would  carelessly  tread 
one  worm  that  crawls  on  earth,  that  heartless  one  is  darkly 
alienate  from  God;  but  he  that,  living,  embraceth  all 
things  in  his  love,  to  live  with  him  God  bursts  all  bounds 
above,  below." 

Why  should  we  endeavor  to  thrust  our  cruel  and  heart- 
less theology  upon  one  who  prays  this  prayer:  "  O  God, 
show  pity  toward  the  wicked;  for  on  the  good  thou  hast 
already  bestowed  thy  mercy  by  having  created  them 
virtuous? " 

Compare  this  prayer  with  the  curses  and  cruelties  of 
the  old  testament — with  the  infamies  commanded  and 
approved  by  the  being  whom  we  are  taught  to  worship 
as  a  God,  and  with  the  following  tender  product  of  Pres- 
byterianism:  "  It  may  seem  absurd  to  human  wisdom 
that  God  should  harden,  blind,  and  deliver  up  some  men 
to  a  reprobate  sense;  that  He  should  first  deliver  them 
over  to  evil,  and  then  condemn  them  for  that  evil;  but 
the  believing  spiritual  man  sees  no  absurdity  in  all  this, 
knowing  that  God  would  never  be  a  whit  less  good,  even 
though  He  should  destroy  all  men." 

Of  all  the  religions  that  have  been  produced  by  the 
egotism,  the  malice,  the  ignorance  and  ambition  of  man, 
Presbyterianism  is  the  most  hideous. 

But  what  shall  I  sa^  more?  for  the  time  would  fail  me 
to  tell  of  Sabellianism,  of  a  "Model  trinity,"  and  the 
"  eternal  procession  of  the  Holy  Ghost?  " 

Upon  these  charges  a  minister  is   to   be  tried,  here  in 


780  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Chicago;  in  this  city  of  pluck  and  progress — this  marvel 
of  energy,  and  this  miracle  of  nerve.  The  cry  of  ' '  her- 
esy,"  here,  sounds  like  a -wail  from  the  Dark  Ages — a 
shriek  from  the  Inquisition,  or  a  groan  from  the  grave  of 
Calvin. 

Another  effort  is  being  made  to  enslave  a  man. 

It  is  claimed  that  every  member  of  the  church  has 
solemnly  agreed  never  to  outgrow  the  creed;  that  he  has 
pledged  himself  to  remain  an  intellectual  dwarf.  Upon 
this  condition  the  church  agrees  to  save  his  soul,  and  he 
hands  over  his  brains  to  bind  the  bargain.  Should  a  fact 
be  found  inconsistent  with  the  creed,  he  binds  himself  to 
deny  the  fact  and  curse  the  finder.  With  scraps  of  dog- 
mas and  crumbs  of  doctrine,  he  agrees  that  his  soul  shall 
be  satisfied  forever.  What  an  intellectual  feast  the  con- 
fession of  faith  must  be!  It  reminds  one  of  the  dinner 
described  by  Sidney  Smith,  where  everything  was  cold 
except  the  water,  and  everything  sour  except  the  vinegar. 

Every  member  of  a  church  promises  to  remain  ortho- 
dox, that  is  to  say — stationary.  Growth  is  heresy. 
Orthodox  ideas  are  the  feathers  that  have  been  molted 
by  the  eagle  of  progress.  They  are  the  dead  leaves 
under  the  majestic  palm,  while  heresy  is  the  bud  and 
blossom  at  the  top. 

Imagine  a  vine  that  grows  at  one  end  and  decays  at 
the  other.  The  end  that  grows  is  heresy;  the  end  that 
rots  is  orthodox.  The  dead  are  orthodox,  and  your 
cemetery  is  the  most  perfect  type  of  a  well  regulated 
church.  No  thought,  no  progress,  no  heresy  there. 
Slowly  and  silently,  side  by  side,  the  satisfied  members 
peacefully  decay.  There  is  only  this  difference — the 
dead  do  not  persecute. 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  781 

And  what  does  a  trial  for  heresy  mean?  It  means  that 
the  church  says  to  a  heretic,  "  Believe  as  I  do,  or  I  will 
withdraw  my  support;  I  will  not  employ  you;  I  will  pur- 
sue you  until  your  garments  are  rags;  until  your  children 
cry  for  bread;  until  your  cheeks  are  furrowed  with  tears. 
I  will  hunt  you  to  the  very  portals  of  the  tomb,  and  then 
my  God  will  do  the  rest.  I  will  not  imprison  you.  I 
will  not  burn  you.  The  law  prevents  my  doing  that.  I 
helped  make  the  law,  not,  however,  to  protect  you,  nor 
deprive  me  of  the  right  to  exterminate  you,  but  in  order 
to  keep  other  churches  from  exterminating  me. " 

A  trial  for  heresy  means  that  the  spirit  of  persecution 
still  lingers  in  the  church;  that  it  still  denies  the  right  of 
private  judgment;  that  it  still  thinks  more  of  creed  than 
truth;  that  it  is  still  determined  to  prevent  the  intellectual 
growth  of  man.  It  means  that  churches  are  shambles  in 
which  are  bought  and  sold  the  souls  of  men.  It  means 
that  the  church  is  still  guilty  of  the  barbarity  of  opposing 
thought  with  force.  It  means  that  if  it  had  the  power, 
the  mental  horizon  would  be  bounded  by  a  creed,  that  it 
would  bring  again  the  whips,  and  chains,  and  dungeon 
keys,  the  rack  and  fagot  of  the  past. 

But  let  me  tell  the  church  it  lacks  the  power.  There 
has  been,  and  still  are,  too  many  men  who  own  them- 
selves— too  much  thought,  too  much  knowledge  for 
the  church  to  grasp  again  the  sword  of  power.  The 
church  must  abdicate.  For  the  Eglon  of  superstition, 
science  has  a  message  from  truth. 

The  heretics  have  not  thought  and  suffered  and  died  in 
vain.  Every  heretic  has  been,  and  is,  a  ray  of  light. 
Not  in  vain  did  Voltaire,  that  great  man,  point  from  the 
foot  of  the  Alps,  the  finger  of  scorn  at  every  hypocrite  in 


782  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Europe.  Not  in  vain  were  the  splendid  utterances  of 
the  infidels,  while  beyond  all  price  are  the  discoveries  of 
science. 

The  church  has  impeded,  but  it  has  not  and  it  cannot 
stop  the  onward  march  of  the  human  race.  Heresy  can- 
not be  burned,  nor  imprisoned,  nor  starved.  It  laughs 
at  presbyteries  and  synods,  at  (Ecumencial  councils  and 
the  impotent  thunders  of  Sinai.  Heresy  is  the  eternal 
dawn,  the  morning  star,  the  glittering  herald  of  the  day. 
Heresy  is  the  last  and  best  thought.  It  is  the  perpetual 
new  world;  the  unknown  sea,  toward  which  the  brave  all 
sail.  It  is  the  eternal  horizon  of  progress.  Heresy  ex- 
tends the  hospitalities  of  the  brain  to  new  thoughts. 
Heresy  is  a  cradle;  orthodoxy  a  coffin. 

Why  should  a  man  be  afraid  to  think,  and  why  should 
he  fear  to  express  his  thoughts? 

Is  it  possible  that  an  infinite  Deity  is  unwilling  that 
man  should  investigate  the  phenomena  by  which  he  is 
surrounded?  Is  it  possible  that  a  God  delights  in  threat- 
ening and  terrifying  men?  What  glory,  what  honor  and 
renown  a  God  must  win  in  such  a  field!  The  ocean  rav- 
ing at  a  drop;  a  star  envious  of  a  candle;  the  sun  jealous 
of  a  fire. fly! 

Go  on,  presbyteries  and  synods,  go  on!  Thrust 'the 
heretics  out  of  the  church.  That  is  to  say,  throw  away 
your  braius — put  out  your  eyes.  The  Infidels  will  thank 
you.  They  are  willing  to  adopt  your  exiles.  Every 
deserter  trom  your  camp  is  a  recruit  for  the  army  of  pro- 
gress. Cling  to  the  ignorant  dogmas  of  the  past;  read 
the  lOQth  Psalrn;  gloat  over  the  slaughter  of  mothers  and 
babes;  thank  God  for  total  depravity;  shower  your  honors 
upon  hypocrites,  and  silence  every  minister  who  is 
touched  with  that  heresy  called  genius. 


HERETICS  AND  HERESIES.  783 

Be  true  to  your  history .  Turn  out  the  astronomers, 
the  geologists,  the  naturalists,  the  chemists,  and  all  the 
honest  scientists.  With  a  whip  of  scorpions,  drive  them 
all  out.  We  want  them  all.  Keep  the  ignorant,  the 
superstitious,  the  bigoted,  and  the  writers  of  charges  and 
specifications.  Keep  them,  and  keep  them  all.  Repeat 
your  pious  platitudes  in  the  drowsy  ears  of  the  faithful, 
and  read  your  bible  to  heretics,  as  kings  read  some  for- 
gotten riot-act  to  stop  and  stay  the  waves  of  revolution. 
You  are  too  weak  to  excite  anger.  We  forgive  your 
efforts  as  the  sun  forgives  a  cloud — as  the  air  forgives  the 
breath  you  waste. 

How  long,  O  how  long  will  man  listen  to  the  threats 
of  God,  and  shut  his  ears  to  the  spendid  promises  of 
Nature?  How  long,  O  how  long  will  man  remain  the 
cringing  slave  of  a  false  and  cruel  creed. 

By  this  time  the  whole  world  should  know  that  the 
real  bible  has  not  yet  been  written;  but  is  being  written, 
and  that  it  will  never  be  finished  until  the  race  begins  its 
downward  march  or  ceases  to  exist.  The  real  bible  is 
not  the  work  of  inspired  men,  nor  prophets,  nor  apostles, 
nor  evangelists,  nor  of  Christ.  Every  man  who  finds  a 
fact,  adds,  as  it  were,  a  word  to  this  great  book.  It  is 
not  attested  by  prophecy,  by  miracles  or  by  signs.  It 
makes  no  appeal  to  faith,  to  ignorance,  to  credulity  of 
fear.  It  has  no  punishment  for  unbelief,  and  no  reward 
for  hypocrisy.  It  appears  to  men  in  the  name  of  demon- 
stration. It  has  nothing  to  conceal.  It  has  no  fear  of 
being  read,  of  being  investigated  and  understood.  It 
does  not  pretend  to  be  holy  or  sacred;  it  simply  claims  to 
be  true.  It  challenges  the  scrutiny  of  all,  and  implores 
every  reader  to  verify  every  line  for  himself.  It  is  incapa" 


INGERSOLLS    LECTURES. 

ble  of  being  blasphemed.  This  book  appeals  to  all  the 
surroundings  of  man.  Each  thing  that  exists  testifies  of 
its  perfection.  The  earth  with  its  heart  of  fire  and 
.crowns  of  snow;  with  its  forests  and  plains,  its  rocks  and 
seas;  with  its  every  wave  and  cloud;  with  its  every  leaf, 
and  bud,  and  flower,  confirms  its  every  word,  and  the 
solemn  stars,  shining  rn  the  infinite  abysses,  are  the 
eternal  witnesses  of  its  truth. 


INGEKSOLL'S   LECTUKE 

— ON — 

THE  BIBLE: 


The  true  bible  appeals  to  man  in  the  name  of  demon- 
stration. It  has  nothing  to  conceal.  It  has  no  fear  of 
being  read,  of  being  contradicted,  of  being  investigated 
and  understood.  It  does  not  pretend  to  be  holy  or  sacred, 
it  simply  claims  to  be  true.  It  challenges  the  scrutiny 
of  all,  and  implores  every  reader  to  verify  every  line  for 
himself.  It  is  incapable  of  being  blasphemed.  This 
book  appeals  to  all  the  surroundings  of  man.  Each 
thing  that  exists  testifies  of  its  perfection.  The  earth, 
with  its  heart  of  fire  and  crowns  of  snow;  with  its  forests 
and  plains,  its  rocks  and  seas;  with  its  every  wave  and 
cloud;  with  its  every  leaf  and  bud  and  flower,  confirms 
its  every  w.ord,  and  the  solemn  stars,  shining  in  the  in- 
finite abysses,  are  the  external  witnesses  of  its  truth. 

I  will  tell  you  what  I  mean  by  inspiration.  I  go  and 
look  at  the  sea,  and  the  sea  says  something  to  me;  it 
makes  an  impression  upon  my  mind.  That  impression 

785 


786  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

depends,  first,  upon  my  experience;  secondly,  upon  my 
intellectual  capacity.  Another  looks  upon  the  same  sea. 
He  has  a  different  brain,  .he  has  had  a  different  experi- 
ence, he  has  different  memories  and  different  hopes. 
The  sea  may  speak  to  him  of  joy  and  to  me  of  grief  and 
sorrow.  The  sea  cannot  tell  the  same  thing  to  two  be- 
ings, because  no  two  human  beings  have  had  the  same 
experience.  So,  when  I  look  upon  a  flower,  or  a  star, 
or  a  painting,  or  a  statue,  the  more  I  know  about  sculp- 
ture the  more  that  statue  speaks  to  me.  The  more  I 
have  had  of  human  experience,  the  more  I  have  read, 
the  greater  brain  I  have,  the  more  the  star  says  to  me. 
In  other  words,  nature  says  to  me  all  that  I  am  capable 
of  understanding. 

Think  of  a  God  wicked  and  malicious  enough  to  in- 
spire this  prayer  in  the  iO9th  Psalm  !  Think  of  one  in- 
famous enough  to  answer  it  !  Had  this  inspired  Psalm 
been  found  in  some  temple  erected  for  the  worship  of 
snakes,  or  in  the  possession  of  some  cannibal  king,  writ- 
ten with  blood  upon  the  dried  skins  of  babes,  there  would 
have  been  a  perfect  harmony  between  its  surroundings 
and  its  sentiments. 

Now,  I  read  the  bible,  and  I  find  that  God  so  loved 
this  world  that  he  made  up  his  mind  to  damn  the  most 
of  us.  I  have  read  this  book  and  what  shall  I  say  of  it  ? 
I  believe  it  is  generally  better  to  be  honest.  Now,  I 
don't  believe  the  bible.  Had  I  not  better  say  so  ?  They 
say  that  if  you  do  you  will  regret  it  when  you  come  to 
die.  If  that  be  true,  I  know  a  great  many  religious  peo- 
ple who  will  have  no  cause  to  regret  it — they  don't  tell 
their  honest  convictions  about  the  bible. 

The  bible  was  the  real  persecutor.     The  bible  burned 


THE    BIBLE.  787 

heretics,  built  dungeons,  founded  the  Inquisition,  and 
trampled  upon  all  the  liberties  of  men.  How  long,  O  how 
long,  will  mankind  worship  a  book  ?  How  long  will 
they  grovel  in  the  dust  before  the  ignorant  legends  of 
the  barbaric  past  ?  How  long,  O  how  long,  will  they 
pursue  phantoms  in  a  darkness  deeper  than  death  ? 

The  believers  in  the  bible  are  loud  in  their  denunciation 
of  what  they  are  pleased  to  call  the  immoral  literature  of 
the  world;  and  yet  few  books  have  been  published  con- 
taining more  moral  filth  than  this  inspired  word  of  God. 
These  stories  are  not  redeemed  by  a  single  flash  of  wit 
or  humor.  They  never  rise  above  the  dull  details  of  stupid 
vice.  For  one,  I  cannot  afford  to  soil  my  pages  with 
extracts  from  them;  and  all  such  portions  of  the  scrip- 
tures I  leave  to  be  examined,  written  upon,  and  ex- 
plained by  the  clergy.  Clergymen  may  know  some  way 
by  which  they  can  extract  honey  from  these  flowers. 
Until  these  passages  are  expunged  from  the  old  testa- 
ment, it  is  not  a  fit  book  to  be  read  by  either  old  or 
young.  It  contains  pages  that  no  minister  in  the  United 
States  would  read  to  his  congregation  for  any  reward 
whatever.  There  are  chapters  that  no  gentleman  would 
read  in  the  presence  of  a  lady.  There  are  chapters  that 
no  father  would  read  to  his  child.  There  are  narratives 
utterly  unfit  to  be  told;  and  the  time  will  come  when 
mankind  will  wonder  that  such  a  book  was  ever  called 
inspired. 

But  as  long  as  the  bible  is  considered  as  the  work  of 
God,  it  will  be  hard  to  make  all  men  too  good  and  pure 
to  imitate  it;  and  as  long  as  it  is  imitated  there  will  be 
vile  and  filthy  books.  The  literature  of  our  country  will 
not  be  sweet  and  clean  until  the  bible  ceases  to  be  re- 
garded as  the  production  of  a  god. 


TNGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

In  the  days  of  Thomas  Paine  the  church  believed  and 
taught  that  every  word  in  the  bible  was  absolutely  true. 
Since  his  day  it  has  been  proven  false  in  its  cosmogony, 
false  in  its  astronomy,  false  in  its  chronology,  false  in  its 
history,  and  so  far  as  the  old  testament  is  concerned, 
false  in  almost  everything.  There  are  but  few,  if  any, 
scientific  men  who  apprehend  that  the  bible  is  literally 
true.  Who  on  earth  at  this  day  would  pretend  to  settle 
any  scientific  question  by  a  text  from  the  bible  ?  The 
old  belief  is  confined  to  the  ignorant  and  zealous.  The 
church  itself  will  before  long  be  driven  to  occupy  the 
position  of  Thomas  Paine  ! 

I  love  any  man  who  gave  me,  or  helped  to  give  me, 
the  liberty  I  enjoy  to-night.  I  love  every  man  who 
helped  put  our  flag  in  heaven.  I  love  every  man  who 
has  lifted  his  voice  in  all  the  ages  for  liberty,  for  a  chain- 
less  body,  and  a  fetterless  brain.  I  love  every  man  who 
has  given  to  every  other  human  being  every  right  that 
he  claimed  for  himself.  I  love  every  man  who  thought 
more  of  principle  than  he  did  of  position.  I  love  the 
men  who  have  trampled  crowns  beneath  their  feet  that 
they  might  do  something  for  mankind. 

The  best  minds  of  the  orthodox  world,  to-day,  are  en- 
deavoring to  prove  the  existence  of  a  personal  Deity. 
All  other  questions  occupy  a  minor  place.  You  are  no 
longer  asked  to  swallow  the  bible  whole,  whale,  Jonah 
and  all;  you  are  simply  required  to  believe  in  God,  and 
pay  your  pew-rent.  There  is  not  now  an  enlightened 
minister  in  the  world  who  will  seriously  contend  that 
Samson's  strength  was  in  his  hair,  or  that  the  necroman- 
cers of  Egypt  could  turn  water  into  blood,  and  pieces  of 
wood  into  serpents.  These  follies  have  passed  away. 


THE    BIBLE.  789 

For  my  part,  I  would  infinitely  prefer  to  know  all  the 
results  of  scientific  investigation  than  to  be  inspired  as 
Moses  was.  Supposing  the  bible  to  be  true;  why  is  it 
any  worse  or  more  wicked  for  free-thinkers  to  deny  it, 
than  for  priests  to  deny  the  doctrine  of  evolution,  or  the 
dynamic  theory  of  heat  ?  Why  should  we  be  damned  for 
laughing  at  Samson  and  his  foxes,  while  others,  holding 
the  nebular  hypothesis  in  utter  contempt,  go  straight  to 
heaven  ? 

Now  when  I  come  to  a  book,  for  instance,  I  read  the 
writings  of  Shakespeare — Shakespeare,  the  greatest  hu- 
man being  who  ever  existed  upon  this  globe.  What  do 
I  get  out  of  him  ?  All  that  I  have  sense  enough  to  under- 
stand. I  get  my  little  cup  full.  Let  another  read  him 
who  knows  nothing  of  the  drama,  who  knows  nothing  of 
the  impersonation  of  passion;  what  does  he  get  from 
him  ?  Very  little.  In  other  words,  every  man  gets  from 
a  book,  a  flower,  a  star,  or  the  sea,  what  he  is  able  to 
get  from  his  intellectual  development  and  experience. 
Do  you  then  believe  that  the  bible  is  a  different  book  to 
every  human  being  that  receives  it  ?  I  do.  Can  God, 
then,  through  the  bible,  make  the  same  revelation  to  two 
men  ?  He  cannot.  Why  ?  Because  the  man  who  reads 
is  the  man  who  inspires.  Inspiration  is  in  the  man  and 
not  in  the  book. 

The  real  oppressor,  enslaver  and  corrupter  of  the  peo- 
ple is  the  bible.  That  book  is  the  chain  that  binds,  the 
dungeon  that  holds  the  clergy.  That  book  spreads  the 
pall  of  supersition  over  the  colleges  and  schools.  That 
book  puts  out  the  eyes  of  science,  and  makes  honest  in- 
vestigation a  crime.  That  book  unmans  the  politician 
and  degrades  the  people.  That  book  fills  the  world  with 
bigotry,  hypocricy  and  fear. 


79°  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Volumes  might  be  written  upon  the  infinite  absurdity 
of  this  most  incredible,  wicked  and  foolish  of  all  the 
fables  contained  in  that  repository  of  the  impossible, 
called  the  bible.  To  me  it  is  a  matter  of  amazement, 
that  it  ever  was  for  a  moment  believed  by  any  intelligent 
human  being. 

Is  it  not  infinitely  more  reasonable  to  say  that  this 
book  is  the  work  of  man,  that  it  is  filled  with  mingled  truth 
and  error,  with  mistakes  and  facts,  and  reflects,  too 
faithfully  perhaps,  the  "very  form  and  pressure  of  its 
time  ? "  If  there  are  mistakes  in  the  bible,  certainly 
they  were  made  by  man.  If  there  is  anything  contrary 
to  nature,  it  was  written  by  man.  If  there  is  anything 
immoral,  cruel,  heartless  or  infamous,  it  certainly  was 
never  written  by  a  being  worthy  of  the  adoration  of  man- 
kind. 

It  strikes  me  that  God  might  write  a  book  that  would 
not  necessarily  excite  the  laughter  of  his  children.  In 
fact,  I  think  it  would  be  safe  to  say  that  a  real  god  could 
produce  a  work  that  would  excite  the  admiration  of  man- 
kind. 

The  man  who  now  regards  the  old  testament  as,  in 
any  sense,  a  sacred  or  inspired  book  is,  in  my  judgment, 
an  intellectual  and  moral  deformity.  There  is  in  it  so 
much  that  is  cruel,  ignorant  and  ferocious  that  it  is  to 
me  a  matter  of  amazement  that  it  was  ever  thought  to 
be  the  work  of  a  most  merciful  deity. 

Admitting  that  the  bible  is  the  book  of  God,  is  that 
His  only  good  job  ?  Will  not  a  man  be  damned  as  quick 
for  denying  the  equator  as  denying  the  bible  ?  Will  he 
not  be  damned  as  quick  for  denying  geology  as  for  deny- 
ing the  scheme  of  salvation  ?  When  the  bible  was  first 


THE    BIBLE. 

written  it  was  not  believed.  Had  they  known  as  much 
about  science  as  we  know  now,  that  bible  would  not 
have  been  written. 

Every  sect  is  a  certificate  that  God  has  not  plainly  re- 
vealed His  will  to  man.  To  each  reader  the  bible  con- 
veys a  different  meaning.  About  the  meaning  of  this 
book,  called  a  revelation,  there  have  been-  ages  of  war 
and  centuries  of  sword  and  flame.  If  written  by  an  in- 
finite God,  He  must  have  known  that  these  results  must 
follow;  and  thus  knowing,  He  must  be  responsible  for  all. 

Paine  thought  the  barbarities  of  the  old  testament  in- 
consistent with  what  he  deemed  the  real  character  of 
God.  He  believed  that  murder,  massacre  and  indis- 
criminate slaughter  had  never  been  commanded  by  the 
Deity.  He  regarded  much  of  the  bible  as  childish,  un- 
important and  foolish.  The  scientific  world  entertains 
the  same  opinion.  Paine  attacked  the  bible  precisely  in 
the  same  spirit  in  which  he  had  attacked  the  pretensions 
of  kings.  He  used  the  same  weapons.  All  the  pomp  in 
the  world  could  not  make  him  cower.  His  reason  knew 
no  <(Holy  of  Holies,"  except  the  abode  of  Truth. 

Nothing  can  be  clearer  than  that  Moses  received  from 
the  Egyptians  the  principal  parts  of  his  narrative,  mak- 
ing such  changes  and  additions  as  were  necessary  to 
satisfy  the  peculiar  superstitions  of  his  own  people. 

According  to  the  theologians,  God,  the  Father  of  us 
all,  wrote  a  letter  to  His  children.  The  children  have 
always  differed  somewhat  as  to  the  meaning  of  this  letter. 
In  consequence  of  these  honest  difficulties,  these  broth- 
ers tygan  to  cut  out  each  other's  hearts.  In  every 
land,  where  this  letter  from  God  has  been  read,  the 
children  to  whom  and  for  whom  it  was  written  have  been 


792  INGERSOLL'S    LECTURES. 

filled  with  hatred  and  malice.  They  have  imprisoned 
and  murdered  each  other,  and  the  wives  and  children  of 
each  other.  In  the  name  ot  God  every  possible  crime 
has  been  committed,  every  conceivable  outrage  has  been 
perpetrated.  Brave  men,  tender  and  loving  women, 
beautiful  girls  and  prattling  babes  have  been  exterminated 
in  the  name  of  Jesus  Christ. 

The  church  has  burned  honesty  and  rewarded  hypoc- 
ricy.  And  all  this,  because  it  was  commanded  by  a  book 
— a  book  that  men  had  been  taught  implicitly  to  believe, 
long  before  they  knew  one  word  that  was  in  it.  They 
had  been  taught  that  to  doubt  the  truth  of  this  book — to 
examine  it,  even — was  a  crime  of  such  enormity  that  it 
could  not  be  forgiven,  either  in  this  world  or  in  the  next. 

All  that  is  necessary,  as  it  seems  to  me,  to  convince 
any  reasonable  person  that  the  bible  is  simply  and  purely 
of  human  invention — of  barbarian  invention — is  to  read 
it.  Read  it  as  you  would  any  other  book;  think  of  it  as 
you  would  any  other;  get  the  bandage  of  reverence  from 
your  eyes;  drive  from  your  heart  the  phantom  of  fear; 
push  from  the  throne  of  your  brain  the  cowled  form  of 
superstition — then  read  the  holy  bible,  and  you  will  be 
amazed  that  you  ever,  for  one  moment,  supposed  a  be- 
ing of  infinite  wisdom,  goodness  and  purity,  to  be  the 
author  of  such  ignorance  and  such  atrocity. 

Whether  the  bible  is  false  or  true,  is  of  no  consequence 
in  comparison  with  the  mental  freedom  of  the  race. 
Salvation  through  slavery  is  worthless.  Salvation  from 
slavery  is  inestimable.  As  long  as  man  believes  the  bible 
to  be  infallible,  that  book  is  his  master.  The  civilization 
of  this  century  is  not  the  child  of  faith,  but  of  unbelief — 
the  result  of  free  thought. 


THE    BIBLE.  793 

What  man  who  ever  thinks,  can  believe  that  blood 
can  appease  God  ?  And  yet  our  entire  system  of  religion 
is  based  on  that  belief.  The  Jews  pacified  Jehovah  with 
the  blood  of  animals,  and  according  to  the  Christian  sys- 
tem, the  blood  of  Jesus  softened  the  heart  of  God  a  little, 
and  rendered  possible  the  salvation  of  a  fortunate  few. 

It  is  hard  to  conceive  how  any  sane  man  can  read  the 
bible  and  still  believe  in  the  doctrine  of  inspiration. 

The  bible  was  originally  written  in  the  Hebrew  lan- 
guage, and  the  Hebrew  language  at  that  time  had  no 
vowels  in  writing.  It  was  written  entirely  with  conso- 
nants, and  without  being  divided  into  chapters  and 
verses,  and  there  was  no  system  of  punctuation  what- 
ever. After  you  go  home  to-night  write  an  English  sen- 
tence or  two  with  only  consonants  close  together,  and 
you  will  find  that  it  will  take  twice  as  much  inspiration 
to  read  it  as  it  did  to  write  it. 

The  real  bible  is  not  the  result  of  inspired  men,  nor 
prophets,  nor  evangelists,  nor  of  christs.  The  real  bible 
has  not  been  written,  but  is  being  written.  Every  man 
who  finds  a  fact  adds  a  word  to  this  great  book. 

The  bad  passages  in  the  brble  are  not  inspired.  No 
god  ever  upheld  human  slavery,  polygamy  or  a  war  of 
extermination.  No  god  ever  ordered  a  soldier  to  sheathe 
his  sword  in  the  breast  of  a  motiier,  No  god  ever  ordered 
a  warrior  to  butcher  a  smiling,  prattling  babe.  No  god 
ever  upheld  tyranny.  No  god  ever  said,  be  subject  to 
the  powers  that  be.  No  god  endeavored  to  make  man  a 
slave  and  woman  a  beast  of  burden.  There  are  thou- 
sands^pf  good  passages  in  the  bible.  Many  of  them  are 
true.  There  are  in  it  wise  laws,  good  customs,  some 
lofty  and  splendid  things.  And  I  do  not  care  whether 


794  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

they  are  inspired  or  not,  so  they  are  true.  But  what  I 
do  insist  upon  is  that  the  bad  is  not  inspired. 

There  is  no  hope  for  you.  It  is  just  as  bad  to  deny 
hell  as  it  is  to  deny  heaven.  Prof.  Swing  says  the  bible 
is  a  poem.  Dr.  Ryder  says  it  is  a  picture.  The  Garden 
of  Eden  is  pictorial;  a  pictorial  snake  and  a  pictorial 
woman,  I  suppose,  and  a  pictorial  man,  and  may  be  it 
was  a  pictorial  sin.  And  only  a  pictorial  atonement  ! 

Man  must  learn  to  rely  on  himself.  Reading  bibles 
will  not  protect  him  from  the  blasts  of  winter,  but  houses, 
fire  and  clothing  will.  To  prevent  famine  one  plow  is 
worth  a  million  sermons,  and  even  patent  medicines  will 
cure  more  diseases  than  all  the  prayers  uttered  since  the 
beginning  of  the  world. 


INGERSOLL'S   LECTURE 

— ON — 

VOLTAIRE. 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN: — The  infidels  of  one  age 
have  often  been  the  aureoled  saints  of  the  next. 

The  destroyers  of  the  old  are  the  creators  of  the  new. 

As  time  sweeps  on  the  old  passes  away  and  the  new 
in  its  turn  becomes  of  old. 

There  is  in  the  intellectual  world,  as  in  the  physical, 
decay  and  growth,  and  ever  by  the  grave  of  buried  age 
stand  youth  and  joy. 

The  history  of  intellectual  progress  is  written  in  the 
lives  of  infidels. 

Political  rights  have  been  preserved  by  traitors;  the 
liberty  of  mind  by  heretics. 

To  attack  the  king  was  treason;  to  dispute  the  priest 
was  blasphemy. 

For  many  years  the  sword  and  cross  were  allies.  To- 
gether they  attacked  the  rights  of  man.  They  defended 
each  other, 

795 


796  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

The  throne  and  altar  were  twins — two  vultures  from 
the  same  egg. 

James  I  said:  •'  No  bishop;  no  king."  He  might  have 
added:  No  cross,  no  crown.  The  king  owned  the  bodies 
of  men;  the  priest,  the  souls.  One  lived  on  taxes  col- 
lected by  force,  the  other  on  alms  collected  by  fear — 
both  robbers,  both  beggars. 

These  robbers  and  these  beggars  controlled  two  worlds. 
The  king  made  laws,  the  priest  made  creeds.  Both  ob- 
tained their  authority  from  God,  both  were  the  agents 
of  the  infinite.  With  bowed  backs  the  people  carried 
the  burdens  of  one,  and  with  wonder's  open  mouth  re- 
ceived the  dogmas  of  the  other.  If  the  people  aspired 
to  be  free,  they  were  crushed  by  the  king,  and  every 
priest  was  a  Herod,  who  slaughtered  the  children  of  the 
brain. 

The  king  ruled  by  force,  the  priest  by  fear,  and  both 
by  both.  The  king  said  to  the  people:  "  God  made  you 
peasants,  and  He  made  me  king;  He  made  you  to  labor, 
and  me  to  enjoy;  He  made  rags  and  hovels  for  you, 
robes  and  palaces  for  me.  He  made  you  to  obey  and  me 
to  command.  Such  is  the  justice  of  God,"  And  the 
priest  said:  "God  made  you  ignorant  and  vile;  He  made 
me  holy  and  wise;  you  are  the  sheep,  I  am  the  shepherd; 
your  fleeces  belong  to  me.  If  you  do  not  obey  me  here, 
God  will  punish  you  now  and  torment  you  forever  in  an- 
other world.  Such  is  the  mercy  of  God." 

"You  must  not  reason.  Reason  is  a  rebel.  You  must 
not  contradict — contradiction  is  born  of  egotism;  you 
must  believe.  He  that  has  ears  to  hear  let  him  hear. 
Heaven  is  a  question  of  ears." 

Fortunately  for  us,  there  have  been  traitors  and  there 


VOLTAIRE.  797 

have  been  heretics,  blasphemers,  thinkers,  investigators, 
lovers  of  liberty,  men  of  genius,  who  have  given  their 
lives  to  better  the  condition  of  their  fellow-men. 

It  may  be  well  enough  here  to  ask  the  question:  '  'What 
is  greatness?"  A  great  man  adds  to  the  sum  of  know- 
ledge, extends  the  horizon  of  thought,  releases  souls  from 
the  Bastile  of  fear,  crosses  unknown  and  mysterious  seas, 
gives  new  islands  and  new  continents  to  the  domain  of 
thought,  new  constellations  to  the  firmament  of  mind. 
A  great  man  does  not  seek  applause  or  place;  he  seeks 
for  truth;  he  seeks  the  road  to  happiness,  and  what  he 
ascertains  he  gives  to  others. 

A  great  man  throws  pearls  before  swine,  and  the  swine 
are  sometimes  changed  to  men.  If  the  great  had  always 
kept  their  pearls,  vast  multitudes  would  be  barbarians 
now. 

A  great  man  is  a  torch  in  the  darkness,  a  beacon  in 
superstition's  night,  an  inspiration  and  a  prophecy. 
Greatness  is  not  the  gift  of  majorities;  it  cannot  be 
thrust  upon  any  man;  men  cannot  give  it  to  another; 
they  can  give  place  and  power,  but  not  greatness.  The 
place  does  not  make  the  man,  nor  the  sceptre  the  king. 
Greatness  is  from  within. 

The  great  men  are  the  heroes  who  have  freed  the  bod- 
ies of  men;  they  are  the  philosophers  and  thinkers  who 
have  given  liberty  to  the  soul;  they  are  the  poets  who 
have  transfigured  the  common  and  filled  the  lives  of 
minv  millions  with  love  and  song.  "  They  are  the  artists 
who  have  covered  the  bare  walls  of  weary  life  with  the 
triumphs  of  genius.  They  are  the  heroes  who  have  slain 
the  monsters  of  ignorance  and  fear,  who  have  outgazed 
the  Gorgon  and  driven  the  cruel  gods  from  their  thrones. 


INGERSOLLS  LECTURES. 

They  are  the  inventors,  the  discoverers,  the  great  me- 
chanics, the  kings  of  the. useful  who  have  civilized  this 
world. 

At  the  head  of  this  heroic  army,  foremost  of  all,  stands 
Voltaire,  whose  memory  we  are  honoring  to-night. 

Voltaire  !  a  name  that  excites  the  admiration  of  men, 
the  malignity  of  priests.  Pronounce  that,  name  in  the 
presence  of  a  clergyman,  and  you  will  find  that  you  have 
made  a  declaration  of  war.  Pronounce  that  name,  and 
from  the  face  of  the  priest  the  mask  of  meekness  will 
fall,  and  from  the  mouth  of  forgiveness  will  pour  a 
Niagara  of  vituperation  and  calumny.  And  yet  Voltaire 
was  the  greatest  man  of  his  century,  and  did  more  for 
the  human  race  than  any  other  of  the  sons  of  men. 

On  Sunday,  the  2ist  of  November,  1694,  a  babe  was 
born;  a  babe  exceedingly  frail,  whose  breath  hesitated 
about  remaining.  This  babe  became  the  greatest  man 
of  the  eighteenth  century. 

When  Voltaire  came  to  this  "  great  stage  of  fools, " 
his  country  had  been  christianized — not  civilized — for 
about  fourteen  hundred  years.  For  a  thousand  years 
the  religion  of  peace  and  good  will  had  been  supreme. 
The  laws  had  been  given  by  Christian  kings,  sanctioned 
by  4<wise  and  holy  men." 

Under  the  benign  reign  of  universal  love,  every  court 
had  its  chamber  of  torture,  and  every  priest  relied  on 
the  thumbscrew  and  rack.  Such  had  been  the  success 
of  the  blessed  gospel  that  every  science  was  an  outcast. 
To  speak  your  honest  thoughts,  to  teach  your  fellow 
men,  to  investigate  for  yourself,  to  seek  the  truth,  these 
were  crimes,  and  the  "Holy  Mother  Church"  pursued 
the  criminals  with  sword  and  flame. 


VOLTAIRE.  799 

The  believers  in  a  God  of  love — an  infinite  father — 
punished  hundreds  of  offenses  with  torture  and  death. 
Suspected  persons  were  tortured  to  make  them  confess. 
Convicted  persons  were  tortured  to  make  them  give  the 
names  of  their  accomplices.  Under  the  leadership  of 
the  church  cruelty  had  become  the  only  reforming  power. 
In  this  blessed  year  1694  all  authors  were  at  the  mercy 
of  king  and  priest.  The  most  of  them  were  cast  into 
prisons,  impoverished  by  fines  and  costs,  exiled  or  exe- 
cuted. The  little  time  that  hangmen  could  snatch  from 
professional  duties  was  occupied  in  burning  books.  The 
courts  of  justice  were  traps  in  which  the  innocent  were 
caught.  The  judges  were  almost  as  malicious  and  cruel  as 
though  they  had  been  bishops  "or  saints.  There  was  no 
trial  by  jury,  and  the  rules  of  evidence  allowed  the  con- 
viction of  the  supposed  criminal  by  the  proof  of  suspicion 
or  hearsay.  The  witnesses,  being  liable  to  torture,  gen- 
erally told  what  the  judges  wished  to  hear. 

When  Voltaire  was  born  the  church  ruled  and  owned 
France .  It  was  a  period  of  almost  universal  corruption. 
The  priests  were  mostly  libertines,  the  judges  cruel  and 
venal.  The  royal  palace  was  a  house  of  prostitution. 
The  nobles  were  heartless,  proud,  arrogant  and  cruel  to 
the  last  degree.  The  common  people  were  treated  as 
beasts.  It  took  the  church  a  thousand  years  to  bring 
about  this  happy  condition  of  things. 

The  seeds  of  the  revolution  unconsciously  were  being 
scattered  by  every  noble  and  by  every  priest.  They  were 
germinating  slowly  in  the  hearts  of  the  wretched;  they 
were  being  watered  by  the  tears  of  agony;  blows  began 
to  bear  interest.  There  was  a  faint  longing  for  blood. 
Workmen,  blackened  by  the  sun,  bowed  by  labor,  de- 


8oo  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

formed  by  want,  looked  at  the  white  throats  of  scornful 
ladies  and  thought  about  cutting  them.  In  those  days 
the  witnesses  were  cross-examined  with  instruments  of 
torture;  the  church  was  the  arsenal  of  superstition;  mir- 
acles, relics,  angels,  and  devils  were  as  common  as  lies. 

Voltaire  was  of  the  people.  In  the  language  of  that 
day,  he  had  no  ancestors.  His  real  name  was  Francois 
Marie  Arouet.  Mis  mother  was  Marguerite  d'Aumard. 
This  mother  died  when  he  was  seven  years  of  age.  He 
had  an  elder  brother,  Armand,  who  was  a  devotee,  very 
religious  and  exceedingly  disagreeable.  This  brother 
used  to  present  offerings  to  the  church,  hoping  to  make 
amends  for  the  unbelief  of  his  brother.  So  far  as  we 
know  none  of  his  ancestors  were  literary  people.  The 
Arouets  had  never  written  a  line.  The  Abbe  le  Chaulieu 
was  his  godfather,  and,  although  an  abbe,  was  a  deist 
who  cared  nothing  about  his  religion  except  in  connection 
with  his  salary.  Voltaire's  father  wanted  to  make  a  law- 
yer of  him,  but  he  had  no  taste  for  law.  At  the  age  of 
10  he  entered  the  college  of  Louis  le  Grand.  This  was 
a  Jesuit  school,  and  here  he  remained  for  seven  years, 
leaving  at  17,  and  never  attending  any  other  school. 
According  to  Voltaire  he  learned  nothing  at  this  school 
but  a  little  Greek,  a  good  deal  of  Latin,  and  a  vast 
amount  of  nonsense. 

In  this  college  of  Louis  le  Grand  they  did  not  teach 
geography,  history,  mathematics,  or  any  science.  This 
was  a  Catholic  institution,  controlled  by  the  Jesuits.  In 
that  day  the  religion  was  defended,  was  protected,  or 
supported  by  the  state.  Behind  the  entire  creed  were 
the  bayonet,  the  ax,  the  wheel,  the  fagot,  and  the  tor- 
lure  chamber.  While  Voltaire  was  attending  the  college 


VOLTAIRE.  801 

of  Louis  le  Grand  the  soldiers  of  the  king  were  hunting 
Protestants  in  the  mountains  of  Cevennes  for  magistrates 
to  hang  on  gibbets,  to  put  to  torture,  to  break  on  the 
wheel  or  to  burn  at  the  stake. 

There  is  but  one  use  for  law,  but  one  excuse  for  gov- 
ernment— the  preservation  of  liberty — to  give  to  each 
man  his  own,  to  secure  to  the  farmer  what  he  produces 
from  the  soil,  the  mechanic  what  he  invents  and  makes, 
to  the  artist  what  he  creates,  to  the  thinker  the  right  to 
express  his  thoughts.  Liberty  is  the  breath  of  progress. 
In  France  the  people  were  the  sport  of  a  king's  caprice. 
Everywhere  was  the  shadow  of  the  Bastile.  It  fell  upon 
the  sunniest  field,  upon  the  happiest  home.  With  the 
king  walked  the  headsman;  back  of  the  throne  was  the 
chamber  of  torture.  The  church  appealed  to  the  rack, 
and  faith  relied  on  the  fagot.  Science  was  an  outcast, 
and  philosophy,  so-called,  was  the  pander  of  supersti- 
tion. Nobles  and  priests  were  sacred.  Peasants  were 
vermin .  Idleness  sat  at  the  banquet  and  industry  gath- 
ered the  crumbs  and  crusts. 

At  17  Votaire  determined  to  devote  his  life  to  liter- 
ature. The  father  said,  speaking  of  his  two  sons,  Armand 
and  Francois:  "I  have  a  pair  of  fools  for  sons,  one  in 
verse  and  the  other  in  prose."  In  1713  Voltaire,  in  a 
small  way,  became  a  diplomat.  He  went  to  The  Hague 
attached  to  the  French  minister,  and  there  he  fell  in 
love.  The  girl's  mother  objected.  Voltaire  sent  his 
clothes  to  the  young  lady  that  she  might  visit  him. 
Everything  was  discovered  and  he  was  dismissed.  To 
this  girl  he  wrote  a  letter,  and  in  it  you  will  find  the  key- 
note of  Voltaire:  "Do  not  expose  yourself  to  the  fury  of 
your  mother.  Ton  know  what  she  is  capable  of.  You 


8o2  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

have  experienced  it  too  well.  Dissemble;  it  is  your  only 
chance.  Tell  her  that  you  have  forgotten  me,  that  you 
hate  me;  then  after  telling  her,  love  me  all  the  more." 
On  account  of  this  epis'ode  Voltaire  was  formally  dis- 
inherited by  his  father.  The  father  procured  an  order 
of  arrest  and  gave  his  son  the  choice  of  going  to  prison 
or  beyond  the  seas.  He  finally  consented  to  become  a 
lawyer,  and  says:  "I  have  already  been  a  week  at  work 
in  the  office  of  a  solicitor  learning  the  trade  of  a  petti- 
.  fogger."  About  this  time  he  competed  for  a  prize, 
writing  a  poem  on  the  king's  generosity  in  building  the 
new  choir  in  the  cathedral  Notre  Dame.  He  did  not 
win  it.  After  being  with  the  solicitor  a  little  while,  he 
hated  the  law,  he  began  to  write  poetry  and  the  outlines 
of  tragedy.  Great  questions  were  tnen  agitating  the 
public  mind,  questions  that  throw  a  flood  of  light  upon 
that  epoch. 

Louis  XIV  having  died,  the  regent  took  possession; 
and  then  the  prisons  were  opened.  The  regent  called 
for  a  list  of  all  persons  then  in  the  prisons  sent  there  at 
the  will  of  the  king.  He  found  that,  as  to  many  prison- 
ers, nobody  knew  any  cause  why  they  had  been  in 
prison.  They  had  been  forgotten.  Many  of  the  prison- 
ers did  not  know  themselves,  and  could  not  guess  why 
they  had  been  arrested.  One  Italian  had  been  in  'the 
Bastile  thirty-three  years  without  ever  knowing  why. 
On  his  arrival  to  Paris  thirty-three  years  before  he  was 
arrested  and  sent  to  prison.  He  had  grown  old.  He 
had  survived  his  family  and  friends.  When  the  rest  were 
liberated  he  asked  to  remain  where  he  was,  and  lived 
there  the  rest  of  his  life.  The  old  prisoners  were  par- 
doned; but  in  a  little  while  their  places  were  taken  by 


VOLTAIRE.  .803 

new  ones.  At  this  time  Voltaire  was  not  interested  in 
the  great  world — knew  very  little  of  religion  or  of  gov- 
ernment. He  was  busy  writing  poetry,  busy  thinking  of 
comedies  and  tragedies.  He  was  full  of  life.  All  his 
fancies  were  winged,  like  moths.  He  was  charged  with 
having  written  some  cutting  epigrams.  He  was  exiled 
to  Tulle,  three  hundred  miles  away.  From  this  place 
he  wrote  in  the  true  vein:  "I  am  at  a  chateau,  a  place 
that  would  be  the  most  agreeable  in  the  world  if  I  had 
not  been  exiled  to  it,  and  where  there  is  nothing  wanting 
fjr  my  perfect  happiness  except  the  liberty  of  leaving. 
It  would  be  delicious  to  remain  if  I  only  were  allowed  to 
go."  At  last  the  exile  was  allowed  to  return.  Again  he 
was  arrested;  this  time  sent  to  the  Bastile,  where  he  re- 
mained for  nearly  a  year.  While  in  prison  he  changed 
his  name  from  Francois  Marie  Arouet  to  Voltaire,  and 
by  that  name  he  has  since  been  known.  Voltaire  began 
to  think,  to  doubt,  to  inquire.  He  studied  the  history  of 
the  church  of  the  creed.  He  found  that  the  religion  of 
his  time  rested  on  the  usurpation  of  the  scriptures — the 
infallibility  of  the  church — the  dreams  of  insane  hermits 
—the  absurdities  of  the  fathers — the  mistakes  and  false- 
hoods of  saints — the  hysteria  of  nuns — the  cunning  of 
priests  and  the  stupidity  of  the  people.  He  found  that 
the  Emperor  Constantine,  who  lifted  Christianity  into 
power,  murdered  his  wife  Fansta  and  his  eldest  son 
Crispus  the  same  year  that  he  convened  the  council  of 
Nice  to  decide  whether  Christ  was  a  man  or  the  son  of 
God.  The  council  decided,  in  the  year  325,  that  Christ 
was  consubstantial  with  the  Father.  He  found  that  the 
church  was  indebted  to  a  husband  who  assassinated  his 
wife — a  father  who  murdered  his  son — for  settling  the 


INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

vexed  question  of  the  divinity  of  the  Savior.  He  found 
that  Theodosius  called  a  council  at  Constantinople  in 
381  by  which  it  was  decided  that  the  Holy  Ghost  pro- 
ceeded from  the  Father — that  Theodosius,  the  younger, 
assembled  a  council  at  Ephesus  in  431  that  declared  the 
Virgin  Mary  to  be  the  mother  of  God — that  the  Emperor 
Marcian  called  another  council  at  Chalcedon  in  451  that 
decided  that  Christ  had  two  wills — that  Pognatius  called 
another  in  680  that  declared  that  Christ  had  two  natures 
to  go  with  his  tow  wills — and  that  in  I  274,  at  the  council  of 
Lyons,  the  important  fact  was  found  that  the  Holy  Ghost 
''proceeded"  not  only  from  the  Father,  but  also  from  the 
Son  at  the  same  time. 

So  Voltaire  has  been  called  a  mocker!  What  did  he 
mock?  He  mocked  kings  that  were  unjust;  kings  who 
cared  nothing  for  the  sufferings  of  their  subjects.  He 
mocked  the  titled  fools  of  his  day.  He  mocked  the  cor- 
ruption of  courts;  the  meanness,  the  tyranny,  and  the 
brutality  of  judges.  He  mocked  the  absurd  arid  cruel 
laws,  the  barbarous  customs.  He  mocked  popes  and 
cardinals,  bishops  and  priests,  and  all  the  hypocrites  "on 
the  earth.  He  mocked  historians  who  filled  their  books 
with  lies,  and  philosophers  who  defended  superstition. 
He  mocked  the  haters  of  liberty,  the  persecutors  of  their 
fellow-men.  He  mocked  the  arrogance,  the  cruelty,  the 
impudence  and  the  unspeakable  baseness  of  his  time. 

He  has  been  blamed  because  he  used  the  weapon  of 
ridicule.  Hypocricy  has  always  hated  laughter,  and  al- 
ways will.  Absurdity  detests  humor  and  supidity  de- 
spises wit.  Voltaire  was  the  master  of  ridicule.  He 
ridiculed  the  absurd,  the  impossible.  He  ridiculed  the 
mythologies  and  the  miracles,  the  stupid  lives  and  lies 


VOLTAIRE.  805 

of  the  saints.  He  found  pretense  and  mendacity  crowned 
by  credulity.  He  found  the  ignorant  many  controlled 
by  the  cunning  and  cruel  few.  He  found  the  historian, 
saturated  with  superstition,  filling  his  volumes  with  the 
details  of  the  impossible,  and  he  found  the  scientists 
satisfied  with  ' 'they  say."  Voltaire  had  the  instinct  of 
the  probable.  He  knew  the  law  of  average;  the  sea 
level;  he  had  the  idea  of  proportion;  and  so  he  ridiculed 
the  mental  monstrosities  and  deformities — the  non 
sequiturs — of  his  day.  Aristotle  said  women  had  more 
teeth  than  men.  This  was  repeated  again  and  again  by 
the  Catholic  scientists  of  the  eighteenth  century.  Vol- 
taire counted  the  teeth.  The  rest  were  satisfied  with 
"the>  say." 

We  may,  however,  get  an  idea  of  the  condition  of 
France  from  the  fact  that  Voltaire  regarded  England  as 
the  land  of  liberty.  While  he  was  in  England  he  saw 
the  body  of  Sir  Isaac  Newton  deposited  in  Westminster 
Abbey.  He  read  the  works  of  this  great  man  and  after- 
ward gave  to  France  the  philosophy  of  the  great  English- 
man. Voltaire  was  the  apostle  of  common  sense.  He 
knew  that  there  could  have  been  no  primitive  or  first 
language  from  which  all  other  languages  had  been 
formed.  He  knew  that  every  language  had  been  influ- 
enced by  the  surroundings  of  the  people.  He  knew  that 
the  language  of  snow  and  ice  was  not  the  language  of 
palm  and  flower.  He  knew  also  that  there  had  been  no 
miracle  in  language.  He  knew  it  was  impossible 
that  the  story  of  the  Tower  of  Babel  should  be  true. 
That  everything  in  the  whole  world  had  been  natural. 
He  was  the  enemy  of  alchemy,  not  only  in  language, 
but  in  science.  One  passage  from  him  is  enough  to 


806  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

show  his  philosophy  in  this  regard.  He  says:  "To 
transmute  iron  into  gold  two  things  are  necessary.  First, 
the  annihilation  of  the  iron;  second,  the  creation  of 
gold."  Voltaire  was  a  man  of  humor,  of  good  nature, 
of  cheerfulness.  He  despised  with  all  his  heart  the  phi- 
losophy of  Calvin,  the  creed  of  the  somber,  of  the  se- 
vere, of  the  unnatural.  He  pitied  those  who  needed  the 
aid  of  religion  to  be  honest,  to  be  cheerful.  He  had  the 
courage  to  enjoy  the  present  and  the  philosophy  to  bear 
what  the  future  might  bring.  And  yet  for  more  than  a 
hundred  and  fifty  years  the  Christian  world  has  fought 
this  man  and  has  maligned  his  memory.  In  every  Chris- 
tian pulpit  his  name  has  been  pronounced  with  scorn, 
and  every  pulpit  has  been  an  arsenal  of  slander.  He  is 
one  man  of  whom  no  orthodox  minister  has  ever  told 
the  truth.  He  has  been  denounced  equally  by  Catholics 
and  Protestants. 

Priests  and  ministers,  bishops  and  exhorters,  presiding 
elders  and  popes  have  filled  the  world  with  slanders, 
with  calm  calumnies  about  Voltaire.  I  am  amazed  that 
ministers  will  not  or  cannot  tell  the  truth  about  an 
enemy  of  the  church.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  for  more  than 
1,000  years  almost  every  pulpit  has  been  a  mint  in  which 
slanders  were  coined. 

For  many  years  this  restless  man  filled  Europe  with 
the  product  of  his  brain.  Essays,  epigrams,  epics,  come- 
dies, tragedies,  histories,  poems,  novels,  representing 
every  phase  and  every  faculty  of  the  human  mind.  At 
the  same  time  engrossed  in  business,  full  of  speculation, 
making  money  like  a  millionaire,  busy  with  the  gossip 
of  courts,  and  even  with  the  scandals  of  priests.  At  the 
same  time  alive  to  all  the  discoveries  of  science  and  the 


VOLTAIRE.  807 

theories  oi'  philosophers,  and  in  this  babel    never  forget- 
ting for  a  moment  to  assail  the  monster  of  superstition. 
Sleeping  and  waking  he   hated   the   church.      With   the 
eyes  of  Argus  he  watched,  and  with  the  arms  of  Briarie- 
ius  he  struck.     For  sixty  years  he  waged  continuous  and 
unrelenting  war,  sometimes  in  the  open  field,  sometimes 
striking  from  the  hedges  of  opportunity,  taking  care  dur- 
ing all  this  time  to  remain  independent  of  all   men.      He 
was   in   the   highest   sense   successful.      He  lived  like  a 
prince,  became  one  of  the  powers  of  Europe,  and  in  him, 
for  the  first  time,  literature  was  crowned.      Voltaire,   in 
spite   of  his  surroundings,    in  spite  of  almost  universal 
tyranny  and  oppression,  was  a  believer  in   God  and  in 
what  he  was  pleased  to  call  the  religion  of  nature.    He 
attacked  the  creed  of  his  time  because   it  was  dishonor- 
able  to  his  God.      He  thought  of  the  Deity  as  a  father, 
as  the   fountain  of  justice,  intelligence   and  mercy,  and 
the  creed  of  the  Catholic  church  made  him  a  monster  of 
cruelty  and  stupidity.      He  attacked  the  bible  with  all 
the  weapons  at  his  command.      He  assailed  its  geology, 
its  astronomy,  its  idea  of  justice,  its  laws  and  customs,. 
its   absurd   and  useless   miracles,  its  foolish  wonders,  its 
ignorance  on  all  subjects,  its  insane  prophecies,  its  cruel 
threats,  and  its  extravagant  promises.    At  the  same  time 
he  praised  the  God  of  nature,  the  God  who  gives  us  rain 
and  light,  and  food  and  flowers,    and  health  and  happi- 
ness— he  who  fills  the  world  with  youth  and  beauty. 

In  1755  came  the  earthquake  at  Lisbon.  This  fright- 
ful disaster  became  an  immense  interrogation.  The  op- 
timist was  compelled  to  ask,  "What  was  my  God  do- 
ing? Why  did  the  Universal  Father  crush  to  shapeless- 
ness  thousands  of  his  poor  children,  even  at  the  moment 


808  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

when  they  were  upon  their  knees  returning  thanks  to 
Him?"  What  could  be  done  with  this  horror?  If  earth- 
quake there  must  be,  why  did  it  not  occur  in  some  un- 
inhabited desert  on  some  wide  waste  of  sea?  This  fright- 
ful fact  changed  the  theology  of  Voltaire.  He  became 
convinced  that  this  is  not  the  best  possible  of  all  worlds. 
He  became  convinced  that  evil  is  evil  here,  now  and  for- 
ever. 

Who  can  establish  the  existence  of  an  infinite  being? 
It  is  beyond  the  conception — the  reason — the  imagination 
of  man — probably  or  possibly — where  the  zenith  and 
nadir  meet  this  God  can  be  found. 

Voltaire,  attacked  on  every  side,  fought  with  every 
weapon  that  wit,  logic,  reason,  scorn,  contempt,  laugh- 
ter, pathos  and  indignation  could  sharpen,  form,  devise 
or  use.  He  often  apologized,  and  the  apology  was  an 
insult.  He  often  recanted,  and  the  recantation  was  a 
thousand  times  worse  than  the  thing  recanted.  He  took 
it  back  by  giving  more.  In  the  name  of  eulogy  he  flayed 
his  victim.  In  his  praise  there  was  poison.  He  often 
advanced  by  retreating,  and  asserted  by  retraction.  He 
did  not  intend  to  give  priests  the  satisfaction  of  seeing 
him  burn  or  suffer.  Upon  this  very  point  of  recanting, 
he  wrote: 

"They  say  I  must  retract.  Very  willingly.  I  will 
declare  the  Pascal  is  always  right.  That  if  St.  Luke  and 
St.  Mark  contradict  one  another  it  is  only  another  proof 
of  the  truth  of  religion  to  those  who  know  how  to  under- 
stand such  things;  and  that  another  lovely  proof  of  re- 
ligion is  that  it  is  unintelligible.  I  will  even  avow  that 
all  priests  are  gentle  and  disinterested;  that  Jesuits  are 
honest  people;  that  monks  are  neither  proud  nor  given 


VOLTAIRE.  809 

to  intrigue,  and  that  their  odor  is  agreeable;  that  the 
Holy  Inquisition  is  the  triumph  of  humanity  and  toler- 
ance. In  a  word,  I  will  say  all  that  may  be  desired  of 
me,  provided  they  leave  me  in  repose,  and  will  not  prose- 
cute a  man  who  has  done  harm  to  none." 

He  gave  the  best  years  of  his  wondrous  life  to  succor 
the  oppressed,  to  shield  the  defenseless,  to  reverse  in- 
famous decrees,  to  rescue  the  innocent,  to  reform  the 
laws  of  France,  to  do  away  with  torture,  to  soften  the 
hearts  of  priests,  to  enlighten  judges,  to  instruct  kings, 
to  civilize  the  people,  and  to  banish  from  the  heart  of 
man  the  love  and  lust  of  war. 

Voltaire  was  not  a  saint.  He  was  educated  by  the 
Jesuits.  He  was  never  troubled  about  the  salvation  of 
his  soul.  All  the  theological  disputes  excited  his  laugh- 
ter, the  creeds  his  pity,  and  the  conduct  of  bigots  his 
contempt.  He  was  much  better  than  a  saint.  Most  of 
the  Christians  in  his  day  kept  their  religion  not  for  every- 
day use  but  for  disaster,  as  ships  carry  lifeboats  to  be 
used  only  in  the  stress  of  storm. 

Voltaire  believed  in  the  religion  of  humanity — of  good 
and  generous  deeds.  For  many  centuries  the  church  had 
painted  virtue  so  ugly,  sour  and  cold  that  vice  was  re- 
garded as  beautiful.  Voltaire  taught  the  beauty  of  the 
useful,  the  hatefulness  and  hideousness  of  superstition. 
He  was  not  the  greatest  of  poets,  or  of  dramatists,  but 
he  was  the  greatest  man  of  his  time,  the  greatest  friend 
of  freedom,  and  the  deadliest  foe  of  superstition.  He 
wrote  the  best  French  plays — but  they  were  not  wonder- 
ful. He  wrote  verses  polished  and  persect  in  their  way. 
He  filled  the  air  with  painted  moths — but  not  with 
Shakespearean  eagles. 


8 io  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

You  may  think  that  I  have  said  too  much;  that  I  have 
placed  this  man  too  high.  Let  me  tell  you  what  Goethe, 
the  great  German,  said  of  this  man:  "If  you  wish  depth, 
genius,  imagination,  taste,  reason,  sensibility,  philosophy, 
elevation,  originality,  nature,  intellect,  fancy,  rectitude, 
facility,  flexibility,  precision,  art,  abundance,  variety, 
fertility,  warmth,  magic,  charm,  grace,  force,  an  eagle 
sweep  of  vision,  vast  understanding,  instruction  rich, 
tone  excellent,  urbanity,  suavity,  delicacy,  correctness, 
purity,  cleanness,  eloquence,  harmony,  brilliancy,  rapid- 
ity, gayety,  pathos,  sublimity,  and  universality  perfection 
indeed,  behold  Voltaire." 

Even  Carlyle,  the  old  Scotch  terrier,  with  the  growl 
of  a  grizzly  bear,  who  attacked  shams,  as  I  have  some- 
times thought,  because  he  hated  rivals,  was  forced  to 
admit  that  Voltaire  gave  the  death  stab  to  modern  super- 
stition. It  was  the  hand  of  Voltaire  that  sowed  the 
seeds  of  liberty  in  the  heart  and  brain  of  Franklin,  of  Jef- 
ferson, and  of  Thomas  Paine. 

Toulouse  was  a  favored  town.  It  was  rich  in  relics. 
The  people  were  as  ignorant  as  wooden  images,  but  they 
had  in  their  possession  the  dried  bodies  of  seven  apostles 
—the  bones  of  many  of  the  infants  slain  by  Herod — part 
of  a  dress  of  the  Virgin  Mary,  and  lots  of  skulls  and 
skeletons  of  the  infallible  idiots  known  as  saints. 

In  this  city  the  people  celebrated  every  year  with 
great  joy  two  holy  events:  The  expulsion  of  the  Hugue. 
nots  and  the  blessed-  massacre  of  St.  Bartholomew.  The 
citizens  of  Toulouse  had  been  educated  and  civilized  by 
the  church.  A  few  Protestants,  mild  because  in  the 
minority,  lived  among  these  jackals  and  tigers.  One  of 
these  Protestants  was  Jean  Galas — a  small  dealer  in  dry 


VOLTAIRE.  8ll 

•goods.  For  forty  years  he  had  been  in  this  business, 
and  his  character  was  without  a  stain.  He  was  honest, 
kind  and  agreeable.  He  had  a  wife  and  six  children — 
four  sons  and  two  daughters.  One  of  the  sons  became 
a  Catholic.  The  eldest  son,  Marc  Antoine,  disliked  his 
father's  business  and  studied  law.  He  could  not  be  al- 
lowed to  practice  unless  he  became  a  Catholic.  He  tried 
to  get  his  license  by  concealing  that  he  was  a  Protestant. 
He  was  discovered — grew  morose.  Finally  he  became 
discouraged  and  committed  suicide  by  hanging  himself 
one  evening  in  his  father's  store.  The  bigots  of  Toulouse 
started  the  story  that  his  parents  had  killed  him  to  pre- 
vent his  becoming  a  Catholic.  On  this  frightful  charge 
the  father,  mother,  one  son,  a  servant,  and  one  guest  at 
their  house  were  arrested.  The  dead  son  was  considered 
a  martyr,  the  church  taking  possession  of  the  body.  This 
happened  in  1761.  There  was  what  was  called  a  trial. 
There  was  no  evidence,  not  the  slightest,  except  here- 
say.  All  the  facts  were  in  favor  of  the  accused.  The 
united  strength  of  the  defendants  could  not  have  done 
the  deed. 

Jean  Calas  was  doomed  to  torture  and  to  death  upon 
the  wheel.  This  was  on  the  9th  of  March,  1762,  and 
the  sentence  was  to  be  carried  out  the  next  day.  On  the 
the  morning  of  the  loth  the  father  was  taken  to  the  tor- 
ture room.  The  executioner  and  his  assistants  were 
sworn  on  the  cross  to  administer  the  torture  according 
to  the  judgment  of  the  court.  They  bound  him  by  the 
wrists  to  an  iron  ring  in  the  stone  wall  four  feet  from  the 
ground  and  his  feet  to  another  ring  in  the  floor.  Then 
they  shortened  the  ropes  and  chains  until  every  joint  in 
his  arms  and  legs  were  dislocated.  Then  he  was  ques- 


812  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

tioned.  He  declared  that  he  was  innocent.  Then  the 
ropes  were  again  shortened  until  life  fluttered  in  the  torn 
body;  but  he  remained  firm.  This  was  called  the  ques- 
tion ordinaire.  Again  the  magistrate  exhorted  the  vic- 
tim to  confess,  and  again  he  refused,  saying  that  there 
was  nothing  to  confess.  Then  came  the  question  extra- 
ordinaire. Into  the  mouth  of  the  victim  was  placed  a 
horn  holding  three  pints  of  water.  In  this  way  thirty 
pints  of  water  were  forced  into  the  body  of  the  sufferer. 
The  pain  was  beyond  description,  and  yet  Jean  ('alas  re- 
mained firm.  He  was  then  carried  to  a  scaffold  in  a 
tumbril.  He  was  bound  to  a  wooden  cross  that  lay  on 
the  scaffold.  The  executioner  then  took  a  bar  of  iron, 
broke  each  leg  and  arm  in  two  places,  striking  eleven 
blows  in  all.  He  was  then  left  to  die  if  he  could.  He 
lived  for  two  hours,  declaring  his  innocence  to  the  last. 
He  was  slow  to  die  and  so  the  executioner  strangled 
him.  Then  his  poor  lacerated,  bleeding  and  broken 
body  was  chained  to  a  stake  and  burned.  All  this  was 
a  spectacle — a  festival  for  the  savages  of  Toulouse. 
What  would  they  have  done  if  their  hearts  had  not  been 
softened  by  the  glad  tidings  of  great  joy,  peace  on  earth 
and  good  will  to  men? 

But  this  was  not  all.  The  property  of  the  family  was 
confiscated;  the  son  was  released  on  condition  that  he 
become  a  Catholic;  the  servant  if  she  would  enter  aeon- 
vent.  The  two  daughters  were  consigned  to  a  convent 
and  the  heart-broken  widow  was  allowed  to  wander 
where  she  would. 

Voltaire  heard  of  this  case.  In  a  moment  his  soul 
was  on  fire .  He  took  one  of  the  sons  under  his  roof. 
He  wrote  a  history  of  the  case.  He  corresponded  with 


VOLTAIRE.  813 

kings  and  queens,  with  chancellors  and  lawyers.  If 
money  was  needed  he  advanced  it.  For  years  he  filled 
Europe  with  the  echoes  of  the  groans  of  Jean  Galas.  He 
succeeded.  The  horrible  judgment  was  annulled — the 
poor  victim  declared  innocent  and  thousands  of  dollars 
raised  to  support  the  mother  and  family.  This  was  the 
work  of  Voltaire. 

Sirven,  a  Protestant,  lived  in  Languedoc  with  his  wife 
and  three  daughters.  The  housekeeper  of  the  bishop 
wanted  to  make  one  of  the  daughters  a  Catholic.  The 
law  allowed  the  bishop  to  take  the  child  of  Protestants 
from  its  parents  for  the  sake  of  its  soul.  The  little  girl 
was  so  taken  and  placed  in  a  convent.  She  ran  away 
and  came  back  to  her  parents.  Her  poor  little  body  was 
covered  with  the  marks  of  the  convent  whip.  '  'Suffer 
little  children  to  come  unto  me."  The  child  was  out  of 
her  mind;  suddenly  she  disappeared;  and  three  days 
after  her  little  body  was  found  in  a  well,  three  miles 
from  home.  The  cry  was  raised  that  her  folks  had  mur- 
dered her  to  keep  her  from  becoming  a  Catholic.  This 
happened  only  a  little  way  from  the  Christian  city  of 
Toulouse  while  Jean  Calas  was  in  prison.  The  Sirvens 
knew  that  a  trial  would  end  in  conviction.  They  fled. 
In  their  absence  they  were  convicted,  their  property 
confiscated.  The  parents  sentenced  to  die  by  the  hang- 
man, the  daughters  to  be  under  the  gallows  during  the 
execution  of  their  mother  and  then  to  be  exiled.  The 
family  fled  in  the  midst  of  winter;  the  married  daughter 
gave  birth  to  a  child  in  the  snows  of  the  Alps;  the 
mother  died,  and  at  last  the  father,  reaching  Switzer- 
land, found  himself  without  the  means  of  support.  They 
went  to  Voltaire.  He  espoused  their  cause.  He  took 
care  of  them,  gave  them  the  means  to  live,  and  labored 


8 14  INGEKSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

to  annul  the  sentence  that  had  been  pronouced  against 
them  for  nine  long  and  weary  years.  He  appealed  to 
kings  for  money,  to  Catherine  II  of  Russia,  and  to  hun- 
dreds of  others.  He  was  successful.  He  said  of  this 
case:  "The  Sirvens  were  tried  and  condemned  in  two 
hours  in  January,  I  762,  and  now  in  January,  1772,  after  ten 
years  of  effort,  they  have  been  restored  to  their  rights.'" 

This  was  the  work  of  Voltaire.  Why  should  the  wor- 
shipers of  God  hate  the  lovers  of  men? 

Espenasse  was  a  Protestant,  of  good  estate.  In  1740* 
he  received  into  his  house  a  Protestant  clergyman,  to 
whom  he  gave  supper  and  lodging.  In  a  country  where 
priests  repeated  the  parable  of  the  "Good  Samaritan" 
this  was  a  crime.  For  this  crime  Espenasse  was  tried,, 
convicted  and  sentenced  to  the  galleys  for  life.  When  he 
had  been  imprisoned  for  twenty-three  years  his  case  came 
to  the  knowledge  of  Voltaire,  and  he  was,  through  the  ef- 
forts of  Voltaire,  released  and  restored  to  his  family. 

This  was  the  work  of  Voltaire.  There  is  not  time  to 
tell  of  the  case  of  Gen.  Lally,  of  the  English  Gen.  Byng, 
of  the  niece  of  Corneille,  of  the  Jesuit  Adam,  of  the 
writers,  dramatists,  actors,  widows  and  orphans  for 
whose  benefit  he  gave  his  influence,  his  money  and  his 
time. 

But  I  will  tell  another  case:  In  1765  at  the  town  of 
Abbeville  an  old  wooden  cross  on  a  bridge  had  been 
mutilated — whittled  with  a  knife — a  terrible  crime. 
Sticks,  when  crossing  each  other,  were  far  more  sacred 
than  flesh  and  blood.  Two  young  men  were  suspected 
—the  Chevalier  de  la  Bc,rre  and  d'Ettalonde,  D'Ettal- 
londe  fled  to  Prussia  and  enlisted  as  a  common  soldier. 

La  Barre  remained  and  stood  his  trialj     He  was  con- 


VOLTAIRE.  815 

victed  without  the  slightest  evidence,  and  he  and  d'Et- 
tallonde  were  both  sentenced:  First,  to  endure  the  tor- 
ture, ordinary  and  extraordinary;  second,  to  have  their 
tongues  torn  out  by  the  roots  with  pincers  of  iron;  third, 
to  have  their  right  hands  cut  off  at  the  door  of  the 
church;  and  fourth,  to  be  bound  to  stakes  by  chains  of 
iron  and  burned  to  death  by  a  slow  fire.  '  'Forgive  us 
our  trespasses  as  we  forgive  those  who  trespass  against 
us."  Remembering  this,  the  judges  mitigated  the  sen- 
tence by  providing  that  their  heads  should  be  cut  off  be- 
fore their  bodies  were  given  to  the  flames.  The  case 
was  appealed  to  Paris;  heard  by  a  court  composed  of 
twenty-five  judges  learned  in  law,  and  the  judgment  was 
confirmed.  The  sentence  was  carried  out  on  the  ist 
day  of  July,  1766. 

Voltaire  had  fought  with  every  weapon  that  genius 
could  devise  or  use.  He  was  the  greatest  of  all  carica- 
turists, and  he  used  this  wonderful  gift  without  mercy. 
For  pure  crystallized  wit  he  had  no  equal.  The  art  of 
flattery  was  carried  by  him  to  the  height  of  an  exact  sci- 
ence. He  knew  and  practiced  every  subterfuge.  He 
fought  the  army  of  hypocricy  and  pretense,  the  army  of 
faith  and  falsehood.  Voltaire  was  annoyed  by  the 
meaner  and  baser  spirits  of  his  time,  by  the  cringers  and 
crawlers,  by  the  fawners  and  pretenders,  by  those  who 
wished  to  gain  the  favors  of  priests,  the  patronage  of 
nobles.  Sometimes  he  allowed  himself  to  be  annoyed 
by  these  scorpions;  sometimes  he  attacked  them.  And, 
but  for  these  attacks,  long  ago  they  would  have  been 
forgotten.  In  the  amber  of  his  genius  Voltaire  preserved 
these  insects,  these  tarantulas,  these  scorpions. 

It  is  fashionable  to  say  that  he  was  not  profound. 


8i6  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

This  is  because  he  was  not  stupid.  In  the  presence  of 
absurdity  he  laughed,  and  was  called  irreverent.  He 
thought  God  would  not  damn  even  a  priest  forever. 
This  was  regarded  as  blasphemy.  He  endeavored  to 
prevent  Christians  from  murdering  each  other,  and  did 
what  he  could  to  civilize  the  disciples  of  Christ.  Had  he 
founded  a  sect,  obtained  control  o£  some  country,  and 
burned  a,  few  heretics  at  slow  fires,  he  would  have  won 
the  admiration,  respect  and  love  of  the  Christian  world. 
Had  he  only  pretended  to  believe  all  the  fables  of  anti- 
quity, and  had  he  mumbled  Latin  prayers,  counted 
beads,  crossed  himself,  devoured  now  and  then  the  flesh 
of  God,  and  carried  fagots  to  the  feet  of  Philosophy  in 
the  name  of  Christ,  he  might  have  been  in  heaven  this 
moment,  enjoying  a  sight  of  the  damned. 

If  he  had  only  adopted  the  creed  of  his  time — if  he 
had  asserted  that  a  God  of  infinite  power  and  and  mercy 
had  created  millions  and  billions  of  human  beings  to  suf- 
fer eternal  pain,  and  all  for  the  sake  of  his  glorious  jus- 
tice— that  he  had  given  his  power  of  attorney  to  a  cun- 
ning and  cruel  Italian  pope,  authorizing  him  to  save  the 
soul  of  his  mistress  and  send  honest  wives  to  hell — if  he 
had  given  to  the  nostrils  of  this  God  the  odor  of  burning 
flesh — the  incense  of  the  fagot — if  he  had  filled  his  ears 
with  the  shrieks  of  the  tortured — the  music  of  the  rack, 
he  would  now  be  known  as  St.  Voltaire. 

Instead  of  doing  these  things  he  willfully  closed  his 
eyes  to  the  light  of  the  gospel,  examined  the  bible  for 
himself,  advocated  intellectual  liberty,  struck  from  the 
brain  the  fetters  of  an  arrogant  faith,  assisted  the  weak, 
cried  out  against  the  torture  of  man,  appealed  to  reason, 
endeavored  to  establish  universal  toleration,  succored 


VOLTAIRE.  8 1  / 

the  indigent,  and  defended  the  oppressed.  He  demon- 
strated that  the  origin  of  all  religions  is  the  same,  the 
same  mysteries — the  same  miracles — the  same  impos- 
tures— the  same  temples  and  ceremonies — the  same  kind 
of  founders,  apostles  and  dupes — the  same  promises  and 
threats — the  same  pretense  of  goodness  and  forgiveness 
and  the  practice  of  the  same  persecution  and  murder. 
He  proved  that  religion  made  enemies — philosophy, 
friends — and  that  above  the  rites  of  gods  were  the  rights 
of  man.  These  were  his  crimes.  Such  a  man  God 
would  not  suffer  to  die  in  peace.  If  allowed  to  meet 
death  with  a  smile,  others  might  follow  his  example, 
until  none  would  be  left  to  light  the  holy  fires  of  the  auto 
da  fe.  It  would  not  do  for  so  great,  so  successful  an 
enemy  of  the  church  to-  die  without  leaving  some  shriek 
of  fear,  some  shudder  of  remorse,  some  ghastly  prayer 
of  chattered  horror,  uttered  by  lips  covered  with  blood 
and  foam.  For  many  centuries  the  theologians  have 
taught  that  an  unbeliever — an  infidel — one  who  spoke  or 
wrote  against  their  creed,  could  not  meet  death  with  com- 
posure; that  in  his  last  moments  God  would  fill  his  con- 
science with  the  serpents  of  remorse.  For  a  thousand 
years  the  clergy  have  manufactured  the  facts  to  fit  this 
theory — this  infamous  conception  of  the  duty  of  man 
and  the  justice  of  God.  The  theologians  have  insisted 
that  crimes  against  men  were,  and  are,  as  nothing  com- 
pared with  crimes  against  God.  That,  while  kings  and 
priests  did  nothing  worse  than  to  make  their  fellows 
wretched,  that  so  long  as  they  only  butchered  and  burnt  the 
innocent  and  helpless,  God  would  maintain  the  strictest 
neutrality;  but  when  some  honest  man,  some  great  and 
tender  soul,  expressed  a  doubt  as  to  the  truth  of  the  scrip- 


8i8  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

tures,  or  prayed  to  the  wrong  god,  or  to  the  right  one 
by  the  wrong  name,  then  the  real  God  leaped  like  a 
wounded  tiger  upon  his  victim,  and  from  his  quivering 
flesh  tore  the  wretched  soul. 

There  is  no  recorded  instance  where  the  uplifted  hand 
of  murder  has  been  paralyzed — no  truthful  account  in  all 
the  literature  of  the  world  of  the  innocent  child  being 
shielded  by  God.  Thousands  of  crimes  are  being  com- 
mitted ever  day — men  are  at  this  moment  lying  in  wait 
for  their  human  prey  —wives  are  whipped  and  crushed, 
driven  to  insanity  and  death — little  children  begging  for 
mercy,  lifting  imploring,  tear-filled  eyes  to  the  brutal 
faces  of  fathers  and  mothers — sweet  girls  are  deceived, 
lured  and  outraged,  but  God  has  no  time  to  prevent 
these  things — no  time  to  defend  the  good  and  protect 
the  pure.  He  is  too  busy  numbering  hairs  and  watching 
sparrows.  He  listens  for  blasphemy;  looks  for  persons 
who  laugh  at  priests;  examines  baptismal  registers; 
watches  professors  in  college  who  begin  to  doubt  the 
geology  of  Moses  and  the  astronomy  of  Joshua.  He 
does  not  particularly  object  to  stealing,  if  you  don't 
swear.  A  great  many  persons  have  fallen  dead  in  the 
act  of  taking  God's  name  in  vain,  but  millions  of  men, 
women  and  children  have  been  stolen  from  their  homes 
and  used  as  beasts  of  burden,  but  no  one  engaged  in  this 
infamy  has  ever  been  touched  by  the  wrathful  hand  of 
God.  All  kinds  of  criminals,  except  infidels,  meet  death 
with  reasonable  serenity.  As  a  rule  there  is  nothing  in 
the  death  of  a  pirate  to  cast  any  discredit  on  his  profes- 
sion. The  murderer  upon  the  scaffold,  with  a  priest  on 
either  side,  smilingly  exhorts  the  multitude  to  meet  him 
in  heaven.  The  man  who  has  succeeded  in  making  his 


VOLTAIRE.  SlQ 

home  a  hell  meets  death  without  a  quiver,  provided  he 
has  never  expressed  any  doubt  as  to  the  divinity  of  Christ 
or  the  eternal  "procession"  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 

Now  and  then  a  man  of  genius,  of  sense,  of  intellectual 
honesty,  has  appeared.  Such  men  have  denounced  the 
superstition  of  their  day.  They  have  pitied  the  multi- 
tude. To  see  priests  devour  the  substance  of  the  people 
— priests  who  made  begging  one  of  the  learned  profes- 
sions— filled  them  with  loathing  and  contempt.  These 
men  were  honest  enough  to  tell  their  thoughts,  brave 
enough  to  speak  the  truth.  Then  they  were  denounced, 
tried,  tortured,  killed  by  rack  or  flame.  But  some  es- 
caped the  fury  of  the  fiends  who  loved  their  enemies  and 
died  naturally  in  their  beds.  It  would  not  do  for  the 
church  to  admit  that  they  died  peacefully.  That  would 
show  that  religion  was  essential  at  the  last  moment. 
Superstition  gets  its  power  from  the  terror  of  death.  It 
would  not  do  to  have  the  common  people  understand 
that  a  man  could  deny  the  bible,  refuse  to  kiss  the  cross; 
contend  that  humanity  was  greater  than  Christ,  and  then 
die  as  sweetly  as  Torquemada  did  after  pouring  molten 
lead  into  the  ears  of  an  honest  man,  or  as  calmly  as  Cal- 
vin after  he  had  burned  Servetus,  or  as  peacefully  as 
King  David  after  advising  with  his  last  breath  one  son  to 
assassinate  another. 

The  church  has  taken  great  pains  to  show  that  the  last 
moments  of  all  infidels  (that  Christians  did  not  succeed 
in  burning)  were  infinitely  wretched  and  despairing.  It 
was  alleged  that  words  could  not  paint  the  horrors  that 
were  endured  by  a  dying  infidel.  Every  good  Christian 
was  expected  to,  and  generally  did,  believe  these  ac- 
counts .  They  have  been  told  and  retold  in  every  pulpit 


82O  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

of  the  world.  Protestant  ministers  have  repeated  the 
lies  invented  by  Catholic  priests,  and  Catholics,  by  a 
kind  of  theological  comity,  have  sworn  to  the  lies  told 
by  the  Protestants.  Upon  this  point  they  have  always 
stood  together,  and  will  as  long  as  the  same  falsehood 
can  be  used  by  both.  Upon  the  death-bed  subject  the 
clergy  grew  eloquent.  When  describing  the  shudderings 
and  shrieks  of  the  dying  unbeliever  their  eyes  glitter 
with  delight.  It  is  a  festival.  They  are  no  longer  men. 
They  become  hyenas.  They  dig  open  graves.  They  de- 
vour the  dead.  It  is  a  banquet.  Unsatisfied  still,  they 
paint  the  terrors  of  hell.  They  gaze  at  the  souls  of  the 
infidels  writhing  in  the  coils  of  the  worm  that  never  dies. 
They  see  them  in  flames — in  oceans  of  fire — in  gulfs  of 
pain — in  abysses  of  despair.  They  shout  with  joy.  They 
applaud. 

It  is  an  auto  da  fe,  presided  over  by  God.  But  let  us 
come  back  to  Voltaire — to  the  dying  philosopher.  He 
was  an  old  man  of  84.  He  had  been  surrounded  with 
the  comforts,  the  luxuries  of  life.  He  was  a  man  of  great 
wealth,  the  richest  writer  that  the  world  had  known. 
Among  the  literary  men  of  the  earth  he  stood  first.  He 
was  an  intellectual  monarch — one  who  had  built  his  own 
throne  and  had  woven  the  purple  of  his  own  power.  He 
was  a  man  of  genius.  The  Catholic  God  had  allowed 
him  the  appearance  of  success.  His  last  years  were  filled 
with  the  intoxication  of  flattery — of  almost  worship.  He 
stood  at  the  summit  of  his  age.  The  priests  became 
anxious.  They  began  to  fear  that  God  would  forget,  in 
a  multiplicity  of  business,  to  make  a  terrible  example  of 
Voltaire.  Toward  the  last  of  May,  1778,  it  was  whis- 
pered in  Paris  that  Voltaire  was  dying.  Upon  the  fences 


VOLTAIRE,  821 

of  expectation  gathered  the  unclean  birds  of  superstition, 
impatiently  waiting  for  their  prey.  Two  days  before  his 
death,  his  nephew  went  to  seek  the  cure  of  Saint  Sul- 
plice  and  the  Abbe  Gautier,  and  brought  them  to  his 
uncle's  sick  chamber,  who,  being  informed  that  they  were 
there,  said:  "Ah,  well,  give  them  my  compliments  and 
my  thanks."  The  abbe  spoke  some  words  to  him,  ex- 
horting him  to  patience.  The  cure  of  Saint  Sulplice 
then  came  forward,  having  announced  himself,  and  asked 
of  Voltaire,  elevating  his  voice,  if  he  acknowledged  the 
divinity  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ.  The  sick  man  pushed 
one  of  his  hands  against  the  cure's  coif,  shoving  him 
back,  and  cried,  turning  abruptly  to  the  other  side:  "Let 
me  die  in  peace."  The  cure  seemingly  considered  his 
person  soiled  and  his  coif  dishonored  by  the  touch  of  a 
philosopher.  He  made  the  nurse  give  him  a  little  brush- 
ing and  went  out  with  the  Abbe  Gautier.  He  expired, 
says  Wagnierre,  on  the  3oth  of  May,  1778,  at  about  a 
quarter  past  1 1  at  night,  with  the  most  perfect  tranquil- 
lity. A  few  moments  before  his  last  breath  he  took  the 
hand  of  Morand,  his  valet  de  chambre,  who  was  watch- 
ing by  him,  pressed  it,  and  said:  "Adieu,  my  dear  Mor- 
and, I  am  gone."  These  were  his  last  words.  Like  a 
peaceful  river,  with  green  and  shaded  banks,  he  flowed 
without  a  murmur  into  the  waveless  sea,  where  life  is 
rest. 

From  this  death,  so  simple  and  serene,  so  kind,  so 
philosophic  and  tender,  so  natural  and  peaceful;  from 
these  words  so  utterly  destitute  of  cant  or  dramatic 
touch,  all  the  frightful  pictures,  all  the  despairing  utter- 
ances have  been  drawn  and  made.  From  these  materials, 
and  from  these  alone,  or  rather,  in  spite  of  these  facts, 


822  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

have  been  constructed  by  priests  and  clergymen  and 
their  dupes  all  the  shameless  lies  about  the  death  of  this 
great  and  wonderful  man.  A  man,  compared  with  whom 
all  of  his  calumniators,  dead  and  living,  were,  and  are, 
but  dust  and  vermin.  Let  us  be  honest.  Did  all  the 
priests  of  Rome  increase  the  mental  wealth  of  man  as 
much  as  Bruno?  Did  all  the  priests  of  France  do  as 
great  a  work  for  the  civilization  of  the  world  as  Voltaire 
or  Diderot?  Did  all  the  ministers  of  Scotland  add  as 
much  to  the  sum  of  human  knowledge  as  David  Hume? 
Have  all  the  clergymen,  monks,  friars,  ministers,  priests, 
bishops,  cardinals  and  popes,  from  the  day  of  Pentecost 
to  the  last  election,  done  as  much  for  human  liberty  as 
Thomas  Paine?  What  would  the  world  be  if  infidels 
had  never  been?  The  infidels  have  been  the  brave  and 
thoughtful  men;  the  flower  of  all  the  world;  the  pioneers 
and  heralds  of  the  blessed  day  of  liberty  and  love;  the 
generous  spirits  of  the  unworthy  past;  the  seers  and 
prophets  of  our  race;  the  great  chivalric  souls,  proud 
victors  on  the  battlefields  of  thought,  the  creditors  of  all 
the  years  to  be. 

In  those  days  the  philosophers — that  is  to  say,  the 
thinkers — were  not  buried  in  holy  ground.  It  was  feared 
that  their  principles  might  contaminate  the  ashes  of  the 
just.  And  they  also  feared  that  on  the  morning  of  the 
resurrection  they  might,  in  a  moment  of  confusion,  slip 
into  heaven.  Some  were  burned  and  their  ashes  scat- 
tered; and  the  bodies  of  some  were  thrown  naked  to 
beasts,  and  others  buried  in  unholy  earth.  Voltaire  knew 
the  history  of  Adrienne  Le  Couvreur,  a  beautiful  actress, 
denied  burial.  After  all,  we  do  feel  an  interest  in  what 
is  to  become  of  our  bodies.  There  is  a  modesty  that  be- 


VOLTAIRE.  823 

longs  to  death.  Upon  this  subject  Voltaire  was  infinitely 
sensitive.  It  was  that  he  might  be  buried  that  he  went 
through  the  farce  of  confession,  of  absolution,  and  of 
the  last  sacrament.  The  priests  knew  that  he  was  not 
in  earnest,  and  Voltaire  knew  that  they  would  not  allow 
him  to  be  buried  in  any  of  the  cemeteries  of  Paris.  His 
death  was  kept  a  secret.  The  Abbe  Mignot  made  ar- 
rangements for  the  burial  at  Romilli-on-the-Seine,  more 
than  100  miles  from  Paris.  Sunday  evening,  on  the  last 
day  of  May,  1778,  the  body  of  Voltaire,  clad  in  a  dress- 
ing gown,  clothed  to  resemble  an  invalid,  posed  to  sim- 
ulate life,  was  placed  in  a  carriage;  at  its  side  a  servant, 
whose  business  it  was  to  keep  it  in  position.  To  this 
carriage  were  attached  six  horses,  so  that  people  might 
think  a  great  lord  was  going  to  his  estates.  Another 
carriage  followed  in  which  were  a  grand-nephew  and  two 
cousins  ol  Voltaire.  All  night  they  traveled,  and  on  the 
following  day  arrived  at  the  court-yard  of  the  abbey. 
The  ncecessary  papers  were  shown,  the  mass  was  per- 
formed in  the  presence  of  the  body,  and  Voltaire  found 
burial.  A  few  moments  afterward  the  prior  who  "for 
charity  had  given  a  little  earth"  received  from  his  bishop 
a  menacing  letter  forbidding  the  burial  of  Voltaire.  It 
was  too  late.  He  could  not  then  be  removed,  and  he 
was  allowed  to  remain  in  peace  until  1791. 

Voltaire  was  dead.  The  foundations  of  State  and 
throne  had  been  sapped.  The  people  were  becoming 
acquainted  with  the  real  kings  and  with  the  actual  priests. 
Unknown  men  born  in  misery  and  want,  men  whose 
fathers  and  mothers  had  been  pavement  for  the  rich, 
were  rising  towards  the  light  and  their  shadowy  faces 
were  emerging  from  darkness.  Labor  and  thought  be- 


824  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

came  friends.  That  is,  the  gutter  and  the  attic  frater- 
nized. The  monsters  of  the  night  and  the  angels  of  dawn 
— the  first  thinking  of  revenge  and  the  others  dreaming 
of  equality,  liberty  and  fraternity.  For  400  years  the 
Bastile  had  been  the  outward  symbol  of  oppression. 
Within  its  walls  the  noblest  had  perished.  It  was  a  per- 
petual threat.  It  was  the  last  and  often  the  first  argu- 
ment of  king  and  priest.  Its  dungeons,  damp  and  ray- 
less,  its  massive  towers,  its  secret  cells,  its  instruments 
of  torture,  denied  the  existence  of  God.  In  1789,  on 
the  1 4th  of  July,  the  people,  the  multitude,  frenzied  by 
suffering,  stormed  and  captured  the  Bastile.  The  battle- 
cry  was,  "Vive  le  Voltaire!" 

In  1791  permission  was  given  to  place  in  the  Pantheon 
the  ashes  of  Voltaire.  He  had  been  buried  110  miles 
from  Paris.  Buried  by  stealth  he  was  to  be  removed  by 
a  nation.  A  funeral  procession  of  a  hundred  miles;  every 
village  with  its  flags  and  arches  in  his  honor;  all  the  peo- 
ple anxious  to  honor  the  philosopher  of  France — the 
savior  of  Galas — the  destroyer  of  superstition!  On  reach- 
ing Paris  the  great  procession  moved  along  the  Rue  St. 
Antoine.  Here  it  paused,  and  for  one  night  upon  the 
ruins  of  the  Bastile  rested  the  body  of  Voltaire — rested 
in  triumph,  in  glory — rested  on  fallen  wall  and  broken 
arch,  on  crumbling  stone  still  damp  with  tears,  on  rust- 
ing chain,  and  bar  and  useless  bolt — above  the  dungeons 
dark  and  deep,  where  light  had  faded  from  the  lives  of 
men  and  hope  had  died  in  breaking  hearts.  The  con- 
queror resting  upon  the  conquered.  Throned  upon  the 
Bastile,  the  fallen  fortress  of  night,  the  body  of  Voltaire, 
from  whose  brain  had  issued  the  dawn. 

For  a  moment  his  ashes  must  1  ave  felt  the  Promethean 


VOLTAIRE.  825 

fire,  and  the  old  smile  must  have  illumined  once  more 
the  face  of  the  dead. 

While  the  vast  multitude  were  trembling  with  love  and 
awe,  a  priest  was  heard  to  cry,  "  God  shall  be  avenged!" 
The  grave  of  Voltaire  was  violated.  The  cry  of  the 
priest,  "  God  shall  be  avenged!  "  had  borne  its  fruit. 
Priests,  skulking  in  the  shadows,  with  faces  sinister  .as 
night-ghouls — in  the  name  of  the  gospel,  desecrated  the 
grave.  They  carried  away  the  body  of  Voltaire.  The 
tomb  was  empty.  God  was  avenged!  The  tomb  was 
empty,  but  the  world  is  filled  with  Voltaire's  fame.  Man 
has  conquered! 

What  cardinal,  what  bishop,  what  priest  raised  his 
voice  for  the  rights  of  men?  What  ecclesiastic,  what 
nobleman,  took  the  side  of  the  oppressed — of  the 
peasant?  Who  denounced  the  frightful  criminal  code — 
the  torture  of  suspected  persons?  What  priest  pleaded 
for  the  liberty  of  the  citizen?  What  bishop  pitied  the 
victim  of  the  rack?  Is  there  the  grave  of  a  priest  in 
France  on  which  a  lover  of  liberty  would  now  drop  a 
flower  or  a  tear?  Is  there  a  tomb  holding  the  ashes  of  a 
saint  from  which  emerges  one  ray  of  light?  If  there  be 
tanother  life,  a  day  of  judgment,  no  God  can  afford  to 
torture  in  another  world  a  man  who  abolished  torture  in 
his.  If  God  be  the  keeper  of  an  eternal  penitentiary,  s 
He  should  not  imprison  there  those  who  broke  the  chain 
of  slavery  here.  He  cannot  afford  to  make  eternal  con- 
victs of  Franklin,  of  Jefferson,  of  Paine,  of  Voltaire. 

Voltaire  was  perfectly  equipped  for  his  work.  A  per- 
fect master  of  the  French  language,  knowing  all  its 
moods,  tenses,  and  declinations,  in  fact  and  in  feeling, 
playing  upon  it  as  skillfully  as  Paganini  on  his  violin, 


826  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

finding  expression  for  every  thought  and  fancy,  writing 
on  the  most  serious  subjects  with  the  gayety  of  a  harle- 
quin, plucking  jests  from  -the  mouth  of  death,  graceful  as 
the  waving  of  willows,  dealing  in  double  meanings  that 
covered  the  asp  with  flowers  and  flattery,  master  of  satire 
and  compliment,  mingling  them  often  in  the  same  line, 
always  interested  himself,  therefore  interesting  others, 
handling  thoughts,  questions,  subjects,  as  a  juggler  does 
balls,  keeping  them  in  the  air  with  perfect  ease,  dressing 
old  words  in  new  meanings,  charming,  grotesque, 
pathetic,  mingling  mirth  with  tears,  wit  with  wisdom, 
and  sometimes  wickedness,  logic,  and  laughter.  With  a 
woman's  instinct  knowing  the  sensitive  nerves — just 
where  to  touch — hating  arrogance  of  place,  the  stupidity 
of  the  solemn,  snatching  masks  from  priest  and  king, 
knowing  the  springs  of  action  and  ambition's  ends,  per- 
fectly familiar  with  the  great  world,  the  intimate  of 
kings  and  their  favorites,  sympathizing  with  the  oppressed 
and  imprisoned,  with  the  unfortunate  and  poor,  hating 
tyranny,  despising  superstition,  and  loving  liberty  with 
all  his  heart.  Such  was  Voltaire,  writing  "  Edipus  "  at 
seventeen,  "Irene"  at  eighty-three,  and  crowding  be- 
tween these  two  tragedies,  the  accomplishment  of  a 
thousand  lives. 


INGERSOLL'S  LECTURE 


ON — 


MYTH  AND  MIRACLE 


LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN:  What,  after  all,  is  the 
object  of  life?  What  is  the  highest  possible  aim?  The 
highest  aim  is  to  accomplish  the  only  good.  Happiness 
is  the  only  good  of  which  man  by  any  possibility  can  con- 
ceive. The  object  of  life  is  to  increase  human  joy,  and 
that  means  intellectual  and  physical  development.  The 
question,  then,  is:  Shall  we  rely  upon  superstition  or 
upon  growth?  Is  intellectual  development  the  highway 
of  progress  or  must  we  depend  on  the  pit  of  credulity? 
Must  we  "rely  on  belief  or  credulity,  or  upon  manly 
virtues,  courageous  investigation,  thought,  and  intellect- 
ual development?  For  thousands  of  years  men  have  been 
talking  about  religious  freedom.  I  am  now  contending 
for  the  freedom  of  religion,  not  religious  freedom — for  the 
freedom  which  is  the  only  real  religion.  Only  a  few  years 
ago  our  poor  ancestors  tried  to  account  for  what  they 
saw.  Noticing  the  running  river,  the  shining  star,  or  the 

837 


828  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

painted  flower,  they  put  a  spirit  in  the  river,  a  spirit  in 
the  star,  and  another  in  the  flower.  Something  makes 
this  river  run,  something  makes  this  star  shine,  some- 
thing paints  the  bosom  of  that  flower.  They  were  all 
spirits.  That  was  the  first  religion  of  mankind — fetich- 
ism — and  in  everything  that  lived,  everything  that  pro- 
duced an  effect  upon  them,  they  said:  "This  is  a  spirit 
that  lives  within."  That  is  called  the  lowest  phase  of 
religious  thought,  and  yet  it  is  quite  the  highest  phase  of 
religious  thought.  One  by  one  these  little  spirits  died. 
One  by  one  nonentities  took  their  places,  and  last  of  all 
we  have  one  infinite  fetich  that  takes  the  place  of  all 
others.  Now,  what  makes  the  river  run?  We  say  the 
attraction  of  gravitation,  and  we  know  no  more  about 
that  than  we  do  about  this  fetich.  What  makes  the  tree 
grow?  The  principle  of  life — vital  forces.  These  are 
simply  phrases,  simply  names  of  ignorance.  Nobody 
knows  what  makes  the  river  run,  what  makes  the  trees 
grow,  why  the  flowers  burst  and  bloom — nobody  knows 
why  the  stars  shine,  and  probably  nobody  ever  will  know. 
There  are  two  horizons  that  have  never  been  passed  by 
man — origin  and  destiny.  All  human  knowledge  is  con- 
fined to  the  diameter  of  that  circle.  All  religions  rest  on 
supposed  facts  beyond  the  circumference  of  the  absolutely 
known.  What  next?  The  next  thing  that  came  in  the 
world — the  next  man — was  the  mythmaker.  He  gave 
to  these  little  spirits  human  passions;  he  clothed  ghosts 
in  flesh;  he  warmed  that  flesh  with  blood,  and  in  that 
blood  he  put  desire — motive.  And  the  myths  were  born, 
and  were  only  produced  through  the  fact  of  the  impres- 
sions that  nature  makes  upon  the  brain  of  man.  They 
were  every  one  a  natural  production,  and  let  me  say  here, 


MYTH    AND    MIRACLE.  82Q 

to-night,  that  what  men  call  monstrosities  are  only 
natural  productions.  Every  religion  has  grown  just  as 
naturally  as  the  grass;  every  one,  as  I  said  before,  and  it 
cannot  be  said  too  often,  has  been  naturally  produced. 
All  the  Christs,  all  the  gods  and  goddesses,  all  the-  furies 
and  fairies,  all  the  mingling  of  the  beastly  and  human, 
were  all  produced  by  the  impressions  of  nature  upon  the 
brain  of  man — by  the  rise  of  the  sun,  the  silver  dawn,  the 
golden  sunset,  the  birth  and  death  of  day,  the  change  of 
seasons,  the  lightning,  the  storm,  the  beautiful  bow- 
all  these  produced  within  the  brain  of  man  all  myths, 
and  they  are  all  natural  productions. 

There  have  been  certain  myths  universal  among  men. 
Gardens  of  Eden  have  been  absolutely  universal — the 
golden  age,  which  is  absolutely  the  same  thing.  And 
what  was  the  golden  age  born  of?  Any  old  man  in  Bos- 
ton will  tell  you  that  fifty  years  ago  all  people  were 
honest.  Fifty  years  ago  all  people  were  sociable — there 
was  no  stuck-up  aristocracy  then.  Neighbors  were 
neighbors.  Merchants  gave  full  weight.  Everything  was 
full  length;  everything  was  a  yard  wide  and  all  wool. 
Now  everybody  swindles  everybody  else,  and  calls  it 
business.  Go  back  fifty  years  and  you  will  find  an  old  man 
who  will  tell  you  that  there  was  a  time  when  all  were 
honest.  Go  back  another  fifty  years  and  you  will  find 
another  sage  who  will  tell  you  the  same  story.  Every 
man  looks  back  to  his  youth,  to  the  golden  age,  and 
what  is  true  of  the  individual  is  true  of  the  whole  human 
race.  It  has  its  infancy,  its  manhood,  and,  finally,  will 
have  an  old  age.  The  garden  of  Eden  is  not  back  of  us. 
There  are  more  honest  men,  good  women,  and  obedient 
children  in  the  world  to-day  than  ever  before. 


830  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

The  myth  of  the  Elysian  fields — universally  born  of 
sunsets.  When  the  golden  clouds  in  the  west  turned  to 
amethyst,  sapphire,  and  purple,  the  poor  savage  thought 
it  a  vision  of  another  land — a  land  without  care  or  grief 
—a  world  of  perpetual  joy.  This  myth  was  born  of  the 
setting  of  the  sun.  A  universal  myth,  all  nations  have 
belived  in  floods.  Savages  found  everywhere  evidences 
of  the  sea  having  been  above  the  earth,  and  saw  in  the 
shells  souvenirs  of  the  ocean's  visit.  It  had  left  its  cards 
on  the  tops  of  mountains.  The  savage  knew  nothing 
of  the  slow  rise  and  sinking  of  the  crust  of  the  earth.  He 
did  not  dream  of  it.  We  now  know  that  where  the 
mountains  lift  their  granite  foreheads  to  the  sun,  the  bil- 
lows once  held  sway,  and  that  where  the  waves  dash  into 
white  caps  of  joy,  the  mountains  will  stand  once  more. 
Everywhere  the  land  is,  the  ocean  will  be;  and  where  the 
ocean  is  the  land  will  be.  The  Hindoos  believed  in  the 
flood  myth.  Their  hero,  who  lived  almost  entirely  on 
water,  went  to  the  Ganges  to  perform  his  ablutions,  and, 
taking  up  a  little  water  in  his  hand,  he  saw  a  small  fish 
that  prayed  him  to  save  it  from  the  monster  of  the  river, 
and  it  would  save  him  in  turn  from  nis  enemies.  He  did 
so,  and  put  it  into  different  receptacles  until  it  grew  so 
large  that  he  let  it  loose  in  the  sea;  then  it  was  large 
enough  to  take  care  of  itself.  The  fish  told  him  that 
there  was  going  to  be  an  immense  flood,  and  told  him  to 
gather  all  kinds  of  seed  and  take  two  of  each  kind  of 
animals  of  use  to  man,  and  he  would  come  along  with  an 
ark  and  take  them  all  in.  He  told  him  to  pick  out  seven 
saints.  And  the  fish  towed  the  ark  along  tied  to  its 
horns,  and  took  them  in  and  carried  them  to  the  top  of 
a  mountain,  where  he  hitched  the  ark  to  a  tree.  When 


MYTH    AND    MIRACLE.  831 

the  waters  receded,  they  came  out  and  followed  them 
down  until  they  reached  the  plain.  There  were  the  same 
number — eight — in  this  ark  as  there  were  with  Noah.  I 
find  that  the  rnyth  of  the  virgin  mother  is  universal. 

The  virgin  mother  is  the  earth.  I  find  also  in  countries 
the  idea  of  a  trinity.  In  Egypt  I  find  Isis,  Osiris,  and 
Horus.  This  idea  prevailed  in  Central  America  among 
the  Aztecs.  We  find  the  myth  of  the  judgment  almost 
universal.  I  imagine  men  have  seen  so  much  injustice 
hire  that  they  naturally  expect  that  there  must  be  some 
day  of  final  judgment  somewhere.  Nearly  every  theist 
is  driven  to  the  necessity  of  having  another  world  in 
which  his  god  may  correct  the  mistakes  he  has  made  in 
this.  We  find  on  the  walls  of  Egyptian  temples  pictures 
of  the  judgment;  the  righteous  all  go  on  the  righ  hand, 
and  those  unworthy  on  the  left.  The  myth  of  the  sun 
god  was  universal.  Agni  was  the  sun  god  of  the  Hin- 
doos. He  was  called  the  most  generous  of  all  gods,  yet 
he  ate  his  own  father  and  mother.  Baldur  was  another 
sun  god;  he  was  a  sun  myth.  Hercules  was  a  sun  god, 
and  so  was  Samson.  Jonah,  too,  was  a  sun  god,  and 
was  swallowed  by  a  fish.  So  was  Hercules,  and  a  wonder- 
ful thing  is  that  they  were  swallowed  in  about  the  same 
place,  near  Joppa.  Where  did  the  big  fish  go?  When 
the  sun  went  down  under  the  earth,  it  was  thought  to  be 
followed  by  the  fish,  which  was  said  to  swallow  it,  and 
carry  it  safely  through  the  under  world.  The  sun  thus 
came  to  be  represented  as  the  body  of  a  woman  with  the 
tail  of  a  fish,  and  so  the  mermaid  was  born.  Another 
strange  thing  is  that  all  the  sun  gods  were  born  near 
Christmas.  The  myth  of  Red  Riding  Hood,  was  known 
among  the  Aztecs.  The  myth  of  eucharist  came  from 


832  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

the  story  of  Ceres  and  Bacchus.  When  the  cakes  made 
by  the  product  of  the  field  were  eaten,  it  was  the  body  of 
Ceres,  and  when  the  wine  was  drank  it  was  the  blood  of 
Bacchus.  From  this  idea  the  eucharist  was  born.  There 
is  nothing  original  in  Christianity.  Holy  water!  Another 
myth.  The  Hindoos  imagined  that  the  water  had  its 
source  in  the  throne  of  God.  The  Egyptians  thought 
the  Nile  sacred.  Greece  was  settled  by  Egyptian 
colonies,  and  they  carried  with  them  the  water  of  the 
Nile,  and  when  any  one  died  the  water  was  sprinkled  on 
him.  Finally  Rome  conquered  Greece  physically,  but 
Greece  conquered  Rome  intellectually.  This  is  the  myth 
of  holy  water,  and  with  it  grew  up  the  idea  of  baptism, 
and  I  presume  that  that  is  as  old  as  water  and  dirt.  The 
cross  is  another  universal  symbol.  There  was  once  an 
ancient  people  in  Italy  before  the  Romans,  before  the 
Etruscans.  They  faded  from  the  world,  and  history  does 
not  even  know  the  name  of  that  nation.  We  find  where 
they  buried  the  ashes  of  their  dead,  and  we  find  chiseled, 
hundreds  of  years  before  Christ,  the  cross,  a  symbol  of 
a  hope  of  another  life.  We  find  the  cross  in  Egypt,  in 
the  cylinders  from  Babylon,  and,  more  than  that,  we 
find  them  in  Central  America.  On  the  temples  of  the 
Aztecs  we  find  the  cross,  and  on  it  a  bleeding,  dying  god. 
Our  cross  was  built  in  the  middle  ages. 

When  Adam  was  very  sick  he  sent  Seth,  his  son,  to 
the  garden  of  Eden.  He  told  him  he  would  have  no 
trouble  in  finding  it;  all  he  had  to  do  was  to  follow  the 
tracks  made  by  his  mother  and  father  when  they  left  it. 
He  wanted  a  little  balsam  from  the  tree  of  life  that  he 
might  not  die.  Seth  found  there  a  cherub,  with  flaming 
sword,  who  would  not  let  him  pass  the  door.  He  moved 


MYTH    AND    MIRACLE.  833 

his  wings  so  that  he  could  see  in,  and  he  saw  the  tree  of 
life,  with  its  roots  running  down  to  hell,  and  among  them 
Cain,  the  murderer.  The  angel  gave  Seth  three  seeds, 
and  told  him  to  put  them  in  his  father's  mouth  when  he 
was  buried  and  to  watch  the  effect.  The  result  was  that 
these  trees  grew  up — one  pine,  one  cedar,  and  one 
cypress.  Solomon  cut  down  one  of  these  trees  to  put  in 
the  temple,  but  it  grew  through  the  roof  and  he  threw  it 
into  the  pool  of  Bethesda.  When  the  soldiers  went  for 
a  beam  on  which  to  crucify  Christ  they  took  this  tree 
and  made  a  cross  of  it.  Helen,  the  mother  of  Constant- 
ine,  went  to  Jerusalem  to  find  this  cross.  She  found  the 
two  crosses,  also,  that  the  thieves  were  crucified  on. 
They  could  not  tell  which  was  which,  so  they  called  a 
sick  woman  who  touched  them,  and  when  she  touched 
the  right  one  she  was  immediately  made  whole. 

Such  is  myth  and  fable.  The  history  of  one  religion  is 
substantially  the  history  of  all  religions.  In  embryo 
man  lives  all  lives.  The  man  of  genius  knows  within 
himself  the  history  of  the  human  race;  he  knows  the 
history  of  all  religions.  The  man  of  imagination,  of 
genius,  having  seen  a  leaf  and  a  drop  of  water,  can  con- 
struct the  forests,  the  rivers,  and  the  seas.  In  his  pres- 
ence all  the  cataracts  fall  and  foam,  the  mists  rise,  and 
the  clouds  form  and  float.  To  really  know  one  fact  is  to 
known  its  kindred  and  its  neighbors.  Shakespeare,  look- 
ing at  a  coat  of  mail,  instantly  imagined  the  society,  the 
conditions  that  produced  it,  and  what  it,  in  its  turn,  pro- 
duced. He  saw  the  castle,  the  moat,  the  drawbridge, 
the  lady  in  the  tower,  and  the  knightly  lover  spurring 
over  the  plain.  He  saw  the  bold  baron  and  the  rude 
retainer,  the  trampled  serfs,  and  all  the  glory  and  the 


834  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

grief  of  feudal  life.  The  man  of  imagination  has  lived  the 
life  of  all  people,  of  all  races.  He  has  been  a  citizen  of 
Athens  in  the  days  of  Pericles;  listened  to  the  eager  elo- 
quence of  the  great  orator,  and  has  sat  upon  the  cliff,  and 
with  the  tragic  poet  heard  "the  multitudinous  laughter  of 
the  sea."  He  has  seen  Socrates  thrust  the  spear  of  ques- 
tion through  the  shield  and  heart  of  falsehood-r-was  pres- 
ent when  the  great  man  drank  hemlock  and  met  the  night 
of  death  tranquil  as  a  star  meets  morning.  He  has  fol- 
lowed the  peripatetic  philosophers,  and  has  been  puzzled 
by  the  sophists.  He  has  watched  Phidias,  as  he  chiseled 
shapeless  stone  to  forms  of  love  and  awe.  He  has  lived  by 
the  slow  Nile,  amid  the  vast  and  monstrous.  He  knows 
the  very  thought  that  wrought  the  form  and  features  of  the 
Sphinx.  He  has  heard  great  Memnon's  morning  song, 
has  laid  him  down  with  the  embalmed  dead,  and  felt 
within  their  dust  the  expectation  of  another  life,  mingled 
with  cold  and  suffocating  doubts — the  children  born  of 
long  delay.  He  has  walked  the  ways  of  mighty  Rome, 
has  seen  the  great  Caesar  with  his  legions  in  the  field,  has 
stood  with  vast  and  motley  throngs  and  watched  the 
triumphs  given  to  victorious  men,  followed  by  uncrowned 
kings,  the  captured  hosts  and  all  the  spoils  of  ruthless 
war.  He  has  heard  the  shout  that  shook  the  Coliseum's 
roofless  walls  when  from  the  reeling  gladiator's  hand  the 
short  sword  fell,  while  from  his  bosom  gushed  the  stream 
of  wasted  life.  He  has  lived  the  life  of  savage  men- 
has  trod  the  forest's  silent  depths,  and  in  the  desperate 
game  of  life  or  death  has  matched  his  thought  against  the 
instinct  of  the  beast.  He  has  sat  beneath  the  botree's 
contemplative  shade,  rapt  in  Buddha's  mighty  thougat, 
and  he  has  dreamed  all  dreams  that  light,  the  alchemist, 


MYTH    AND    MIRACLE.  835 

hath  wrought  from  dust  and  dew  and  stored  within  the 
slumbrous  poppy's  subtle  blood.  He  has  knelt  with  awe 
and  dread  at  every  prayer;  has  felt  the  consolation  and 
the  shuddering  fear;  has  seen  all  the  devils;  has  mocked 
and  worshiped  all  the  gods;  enjoyed  all  heavens,  and  felt 
the  pangs  of  every  hell.  He  has  lived  all  lives,  and 
through  his  blood  and  brain  have  crept  the  shadow  and 
the  chill  of  every  death,  and  his  soul,  Mazeppa-like,  has 
been  lashed  naked  to  the  wild  horse  of  every  fear  and 
love  and  hate.  The  imagination  hath  a  stage  within  the 
brain,  whereon  he  sets  all  scenes  that  lie  between  the 
morn  of  laughter  and  the  night  of  tears,  and  where  his 
players  body  forth  the  false  and  true,  the  joys  and  griefs, 
the  careless  shadows,  and  the  tragic  deeps  of  human  life. 

Through  with  the  myth-makers,  we  now  come  to  the 
wonder-worker.  There  is  this  difference  between  the 
miracle  and  the  myth — a  myth  is  an  idealism  of  a  fact, 
and  a  miracle  is  a  counterfeit  of  a  fact.  There  is  some 
difference  between  a  myth  and  a  miracle.  There  is  the 
difference  that  there  is  between  fiction  and  falsehood  and 
poetry  and  perjury.  Miracles  are  probably  only  in  the 
far  past  or  the  very  remote  future.  The  present  is  the 
property  of  the  natural.  You  say  to  a  man:  "The 
dead  were  raised  4,000  years  ago."  He  says,  "Well, 
that's  reasonable."  You  say  to  him,  "In  4,000,000 
years  we  shall  all  be  raised."  He  says,  "That  is  what  I 
believe."  Say  to  him,  "A  man  was  raised  from  the 
dead  this  morning,"  and  he  will  say,  "What  are  you 
giving  us?"  Miracles  never  convince  at  the  time  they 
were  said  to  have  been  performed. 

John  the  Baptist  was  the  forerunner  of  Christ.  He 
was  cast  into  prison.  When  Christ  heard  of  it  He 


836  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

"  departed  from  that  country."  Afterward  he  returned 
and  heard  that  John  had  been  beheaded,  and  he  again 
departed  from  that  country.  There  is  no  possible  rela- 
tion between  the  miraculous  and  the  moral.  The  mira- 
cles of  the  middle  ages  are  the  children  of  superstition. 
In  the  middle  ages  men  told  everything  but  the  truth, 
and  believed  everything  but  the  facts.  The  middle  ages 
— a  trinity  of  ignorance,  mendacity  and  insanity.  There 
is  one  thing  about  humanity.  You  see  the  faults  of 
others,  but  not  your  own.  A  Catholic  in  India  sees  a 
Hindoo  bowing  before  an  idol  and  thinks  it  absurd. 
Why  does  he  not  get  him  a  plaster  of  paris  virgin  and 
some  beads  and  holy  water?  Why  does  the  protestant 
shut  his  eyes  when  he  pra}s?  The  idea  is  a  souvenir  of 
sun  worship.  It  is  the  most  natural  worship  in  the 
world.  Religious  dogmas  have  become  absurd.  The 
doctrine  of  eternal  torment  to-day  has  become  absurd, 
low,  grovelling,  ignorant,  barbaric,  savage,  devilish  and 
no  gentleman  would  preach  it. 

Science,  thou  art  the  great  magician!  Thou  alone  per- 
formest  the  true  miracles.  Thou  alone  workest  the  real 
wonders.  Fire  is  thy  servant,  lightning  thy  messenger. 
The  waves  obey  thee,  and  thou  knowest  the  circuits  of 
the  wind.  Thou  art  the  great  philanthropist.  Thou 
hast  freed  the  slave  and  civilized  the  master.  Thou  hast 
taught  man  to  chain,  not  his  fellow-man,  but  the  forces 
of  nature — forces  that  have  no  backs  to  be  scarred,  no 
limbs  for  chains  to  chill  and  eat — forces  that  never 
know  fatigue,  that  shed  no  tears — forces  that  have  no 
hearts  to  break.  Thou  gavest  man  the  plow,  the  reaper 
and  the  loom — thou  hast  fed  and  clothed  the  world. 
Thou  art  the  great  physician.  Thy  touch  hath  given 


MYTH    AND    MIRACLE.  837 

sight.  Thou  hast  made  the  lame  to  leap,  the  dumb  to 
speak,  and  in  the  pallid  cheek  thy  hand  hath  set  the  rose 
of  health.  "Thou  hast  given  thy  beloved  sleep" — a 
sleep  that  wraps  in  happy  dreams  the  throbbing  nerves 
of  pain.  Thou  art  the  perpetual  providence  of  man- 
preserver  of  life  and  love.  Thou  art  the  teacher  of  every 
virtue,  and  the  enemy  of  every  vice.  Thou  has  dis- 
covered the  true  basis  of  morals — the  origin  and  office  of 
conscience — and  hast  revealed  the  nature  and  measure  of 
obligation.  Thou  hast  taught  that  love  is  justice  in  its 
highest  form,  and  that  even  self-love,  guided  by  wisdom, 
embraces  with  loving  arms  the  human  race.  Thou  hast 
slain  the  monsters  of  the  past.  Thou  hast  discovered  the 
one  inspired  book.  Thou  hast  read  the  records  of  the 
rocks,  written  by  wind  and  wave,  by  frost  and  flame — 
records  that  even  priestcraft  cannot  change — and  in  thy 
wondrous  scales  thou  hast  weighed  the  atoms  and  the 
stars.  Thou  art  the  founder  of  the  only  true  religion. 
Thou  art  the  very  Christ,  the  only  savior  of  mankind! 

Theology  has  always  been  in  the  way  of  the  advance 
of  the  human  race.  There  is  this  difference  between 
science  and  theology — science  is  modest  and  merciful, 
while  theology  is  arrogant  and  cruel.  The  hope  of 
science  is  the  perfection  of  the  human  race.  The  hope 
of  theology  is  the  salvation  of  a  few  and  the  damnation 
of  almost  everybody.  As  I  told  you  in  the  first  place,  I 
believe  in  the  religion  of  freedom.  O  liberty!  thou  art 
the  god  of  my  idolatry.  Thou  art  the  only  deity  that 
hates  the  bended  knee.  In  thy  vast  and  unwalled  temple, 
beneath  the  roofless  dome,  star-gemmed  and  luminous 
with  suns,  thy  worshipers  stand  erect.  They  do  not  bow 
or  cringe  or  crawl  or  bend  their  foreheads  to  the  earth. 


838  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Thy  dust  hast  never  borne  the  impress  of  lips.  Upon 
thy  sacred  altars  mothers  do  not  sacrifice  their  babes, 
nor  men  their  rights.  Thou  askest  naught  from  man 
except  the  things  that  good  men  hate,  the  whip,  the 
chain,  the  dungeon  key.  Thou  hast  no  kings,  no  popes, 
no  priests  to  stand  between  their  fellow-men  and  thee. 
Thou  hast  no  monks,  no  nuns,  who,  in  the  name  of  duty, 
murder  joy.  Thou  carest  not  for  forms  nor  mumbled 
prayers.  At  thy  sacred  shrine  hypocrisy  does  not  bow, 
fear  does  not  crouch,  virtue  does  not  tremble,  supersti- 
tion's feeble  tapers  do  not  burn,  but  reason  holds  aloft 
her  inextinguishable  torch,  while  on  the  ever-broadening 
brow  of  science  falls  the  ever  coming  morning  of  the  ever 
better  day. 


INGERSOLL 


— ON — 


THE  CHINESE  GOD. 


Messrs.  Wright,  Dickey,  O'Conner  and  Murch,  of  the 
select  committee  on  the  causes  of  the  .present  depression 
of  labor,  presented  the  majority  special  report  upon  Chi- 
nese immigration. 

These  gentlemen  are  in  great  fear  for  the  future  of  our 
most  holy  and  perfectly  authenticated  religion,  and  have, 
like  faithful  watchmen  from  the  walls  and  towers  of  Zion, 
hastened  to  give  the  alarm.  They  have  informed  Con- 
gress that  "  Joss  has  his  temple  of  worship  in  the  Chi- 
nese quarters,  in  San  Francisco.  Within  the  walls  of  a 
dilapidated  structure  is  exposed  to  the  view  of  the  faith- 
ful the  god  of  the  Chinaman,  and  here  are  his  altars  of 
worship.  Here  he  tears  up  his  pieces  of  paper;  here  he 
offers  up  his  prayers;  here  he  receives  his  religious  conso- 
lations, and  here  is  his  road  to  the  celestial  land.-"  That 
"Joss  is  located  in  a  long,  narrow  room,  in  a  building  in 
a  back  alley,  upon  a  kind  of  altar;  "  that  "  he  is  a  wooden 

839 


840  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

image,  looking  a%  much  like  an  alligator  as  like  a  human 
being;  "  that  the  Chinese  "  think  there  is  such  a  place  as 
heaven;"  that  "  all  classes  of  Chinamen  worship  idols;  " 
that  "the  temple  is  open  every  day  at  all  hours;  "  that 
"the  Chinese  have  no  Sunday;  "  that  this  heathen  god 
has  "huge  jaws,  a  big  red  tongue,  large  white  teeth,  a 
half-dozen  arms,  and  big,  fiery  eyeballs.  About  him  are 
placed  offerings  of  meat,  and  other  eatables — a  sacrifi- 
cial offering. " 

No  wonder  that  these  members  of  the  committee  were 
shocked  at  such  a  god,  knowing  as  they  did  that  the 
only  true  God  was  correctly  described  by  the  inspired 
lunatic  of  Patmos  in  the  following  words: 

"And  there  sat  in  the  midst  of  the  seven  golden 
candlesticks  one  like  unto  the  son  of  man,  clothed  with 
a  garment  down  to  the  foot,  and  girt  about  the  paps  with 
a  golden  girdle.  His  head  and  his  hairs  were  white  like 
wool,  as  white  as  snow;  and  his  eyes  were  as  a  flame  of 
fire;  and  his  feet  like  unto  fine  brass  as  if  they  burned  in 
a  furnace;  and  his  voice  as  the  sound  of  many  waters. 
And  he  had  in  his  right  hand  seven  stars;  and  out  of  his 
mouth  went  a  sharp,  two-edged  sword;  and  his  counte- 
nance was  as  the  sun  shining  in  his  strength." 

Certainly,  a  large  mouth,  filled  with  white  teeth,  is 
preferable  to  one  used  as  the  scabbard  of  a  sharp,  two- 
edged  sword.  Why  should  these  gentlemen  object  to  a 
god  with  big  fiery  eyeballs,  when  their  own  Deity  has 
eyes  like  a  flame  of  fire? 

Is  it  not  a  little  late  in  the  day  to  object  to  people  be- 
cause they  sacrifice  meat  and  other  eatables  to  their  god? 
We  all  know  that  for  thousands  of  years  the  "real" 
God  was  exceedingly  fond  of  roasted  meat;  that  He  loved 


THE  CHINESE  GOD.  84! 

the  savor  of  burning  flesh,  and  delighted  in  the  perfume 
of  fresh,  warm  blood. 

The  following  account  of  the  manner  in  which  the 
"living  God"  desired  that  His  people  should  sacrifice 
tends  to  show  the  degradation  and  religious  blindness  of 
the  Chinese : 

"Aaron  therefore  went  unto  the  altar  and  slew  the 
calf  of  the  sin-offering  which  was  for  himself.  And  the 
sons  of  Aaron  brought  the  blood  unto  him.  And  he 
dipped  his  fingers  in  the  blood  and  put  it  upon  the  horns 
of  the  altar,  and  poured  out  the  blood  at  the  bottom  of 
the  altar;  but  the  fat  and  the  kidneys  and  the  caul  above 
the  liver  of  the  sin-offering  he  burnt  upon  the  altar,  as 
the  Lord  commanded  Moses,  and  the  flesh  and  the  hide 
he  burnt  with  fire  without  the  camp.  And  he  slew  the 
burnt  offering.  And  Aaron's  sons  presented  unto  him  the 
blood  which  he  sprinkled  round  about  the  altar.  * 
And  he  brought  the  meat  offering  and  took  a  handful 
thereof  and  burnt  upon  the  altar.  *  *  *  He  slew 
also  the  bullock  and  the  ram  for  a  sacrifice  of  peace  offer- 
ing, which  was  for  the  people.  And  Aaron's  sons  pre- 
sented unto  him  the  blood  which  he  sprinkled  upon  the 
altar,  round  about,  and  the  fat  of  the  bullock  and  of  the 
ram,  the  rump  and  that  which  covereth  the  inwards,  and 
the  kidneys,  and  the  caul  above  the  liver,  and  they  put 
the  fat  upon  the  breasts  and  he  burnt  the  fat  upon  the 
altar.  And  the  breasts  and  the  right  shoulder  Aaron 
waved  for  a  wave-offering  before  the  Lord,  as  Moses  had 
commanded." 

If  the  Chinese  only  did  something  like  this,  we  would 
know  that  they  worshiped  the  "  living  "  God.  The  idea 
that  the  supreme  head  of  the  ' '  American  system  of 


842  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

religion"  can  be  placated  with  a  little  meat  and  "ordi- 
nary eatables,"  is  simply  preposterous.  He  has  always 
asked  for  blood,  and  has  always  asserted  that  without 
the  shedding  of  blood  there  is  no  remission  of  sin. 

The  world  is  also  informed  by  these  gentlemen  that 
"the  idolatry  of  the  Chinese  produces  a  demoralizing 
effect  upon  our  American  youth  by  bringing  sacred  things 
into  disrespect,  and  making  religion  a  theme  of  disgust 
and  contempt." 

In  San  Francisco  there  are  some  three  hundred  thou- 
sand people.  Is  it  possible  that  a  few  Chinese  can 
bring  "our  holy  religion"  into  disgust  and  contempt? 
In  that  city  there  are  fifty  times  as  many  churches  as 
joss-houses.  Scores  of  sermons  are  uttered  every  week; 
religious  books  and  papers  are  plentiful  as  leaves  in  au- 
tumn, and  somewhat  dryer;  thousands  of  bibles  are  with- 
in the  reach  of  all.  And  there,  too,  is  the  example  of  a 
Christian  city. 

Why  should  we  send  missionaries  to  China  if  we  can- 
not convert  the  heathen  when  they  come  here?  When 
missionaries  go  to  a  foreign  land,  the  poor,  benighted 
people  have  to  take  their  word  for  the  blessings  showered 
upon  a  Christian  people ;  but  when  the  heathen  come  here, 
they  can  see  for  themselves.  What  was  simply  a  story 
becomes  a  demonstrated  fact.  They  come  in  contact 
with  people  who  love  their  enemies.  They  see  that  in  a 
Christian  land  men  tell  the  truth;  that  they  will  not  take 
advantage  of  strangers;  that  they  are  just  and  patient; 
kind  and  tender;  and  have  no  prejudice  on  account  of 
color,  race,  or  religion;  that  they  look  upon  mankind  as 
brethren;  that  they  speak  of  God  as  a  universal  Father, 
and  are  willing  to  work,  and  even  to  suffer,  for  the  good, 


THE  CHINESE  GOD.  843 

not  only  of  their  own  countrymen,  but  of  the  heathen  as 
well.  All  this  the  Chinese  see  and  know,  and  why  they 
still  cling  to  the  religion  of  their  country  is  to  me  a 
matter  of  amazement. 

We  all  know  that  the  disciples  of  Jesus  do  unto  others 
as  they  would  that  others  should  do  unto  them,  and  that 
those  of  Confucius  do  not  unto  others  anything  that  they 
would  not  that  others  should  do  unto  them.  Surely, 
such  peoples  ought  to  live  together  in  perfect  peace. 
Rising  with  the  subject,  growing  heated  with  a  kind  of 
holy  indignation,  these  Christian  representatives  of  a 
Christian  people  most  solemnly  declare  that  anyone 
who  is  really  endowed  with  a  correct  knowledge 
of  our  religious  system  which  acknowledges  the 
existence  of  a  living  God  and  an  accountability  to  Him, 
and  a  future  state  of  reward  and  punishment,  who  feels 
that  he  has  an  apology  for  this  abominable  pagan  wor- 
ship, is  not  a  fit  person  to  be  ranked  as  a  good  citizen  of 
the  American  union.  It  is  absurd  to  make  any  apology 
for  its  toleration.  It  must  be  abolished,  and  the  sooner 
the  decree  goes  forth  by  the  power  of  this  government, 
the  better  it  will  be  for  the  interests  of  this  land. 

I  take  this  the  earliest  opportunity  to  inform  these 
gentlemen  composing  a  majority  of  the  committee  that 
we  have  in  the  United  States  no  "  religious  system; '' 
that  this  is  a  secular  government.  That  it  has  no  relig- 
ious creed;  that  it  does  not  believe  nor  disbelieve  in  a 
future  state  of  reward  and  punishment;  that  it  neither 
affirms  nor  denies  the  existence  of  a  "living  God;  "  and 
that  the  only  god,  so  far  as  this  government  is  concerned, 
is  the  legally  expressed  will  of  a  majority  of  the  people. 
Under  our  flag  the  Chinese  have  the  same  right  to  wor- 


844  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

ship  a  wooden  god  that  you  have  to  worship  any  other. 
The  constitution  protects  equally  the  church  of  Jehovah 
and  the  house  of  Joss.  Whatever  their  relative  positions 
may  be  in  heaven,  they  stand  upon  a  perfect  equality  in 
the  United  States.  This  government  is  an  infidel  govern- 
ment. We  have  a  constitution  with  man  put  in  and  God 
left  out;  and  it  is  the  glory  of  this  country  that  we  have 
such  a  constitution. 

It  may  be  surprising  to  you  that  I  have  an  apology  for 
pagan  worship,  yet  I  have.  And  it  is  the  same  one  that 
I  have  for  the  writers  of  this  report.  I  account  for  both 
by  the  word  superstition.  Why  should  we  object  to  their 
worshiping  God  as  they  please?  If  the  worship  is  im- 
proper, the  protestation  should  come  not  from  a  com- 
mittee of  congress,  but  from  God  himself.  If  He  is  satis- 
fied, that  is  sufficient. 

Our  religion  can  only  be  brought  into  contempt  by  the 
actions  of  those  who  profess  to  be  governed  by  its  teach- 
ings. This  report  will  do  more  in  that  direction  than 
millions  of  Chinese  could  do  by  burning  pieces  of  paper 
before  a  wooden  image.  If  you  wish  to  impress  the  Chi- 
nese with  the  value  of  your  religion,  of  what  you  are 
pleased  to  call  "the  American  system,"  show  them  that 
Christians  are  better  than  heathens.  Prove  to  them  that 
what  you  are  pleased  to  call  the  ""  living  God  "  teaches 
higher  and  holier  things,  a  grander  and  purer  code  of 
morals,  than  can  be  found  upon  pagan  pages.  Excel 
these  wretches  in  industry,  in  honesty,  in  reverence  for 
parents,  in  cleanliness,  in  frugality,  and  above  all  by  ad- 
vocating the  absolute  liberty  of  human  thought. 

Do  not  trample  upon  these  people  because  they  have 
a  different  conception  of  things  about  which  even  this 
committee  knows  nothing. 


THE  CHINESE  GOD.  845 

Give  them  the  same  privilege  you  enjoy  of  making  a 

god  after  their  own   fashion,  and  let  them  describe  him 

as  they  will.    Would  you  be  willing  to  have  them  remain, 

if  one  of  their  race,  thousands  of  years  ago,  had  pretended 

to   have  seen   God,  and  had  written  of  Him  as  follows: 

"  There  went  up  a  smoke  out  of  his  nostrils,  and  fire  out 

of   his  mouth;  coals  were  kindled  by  it,      *     *     *     and 

he  rode  upon  a  cherub  and  did  fly?"     Why  should  you 

object  to  these  people  on  account  of  their  religion?   Your 

objection  has  in  it  the  spirit  of  hate  and  intolerance.    Of 

that  spirit  the  inquisition  was  born.     That  spirit   lighted 

the  fagot,  made  the  thumbscrew,  put   chains  upon  the 

limbs,  and  lashes  upon    the  backs  of  men.      The  same 

spirit   bought   and  sold,  captured  and  kidnaped  human 

beings;  sold  babes,  and  justified  all  the  horrors  of  slavery. 

Congress   has  nothing  to    do  with  the  religion  of  the 

people.      Its  members  are  not  responsible  to  God  for  the 

opinions  of  their  constituents,   and  it  may   tend   to  the 

happiness  of  the  constituents  for  me  to  state  that  they 

are  in  no  way  responsible  for  the  religion  of  the  members. 

Religion  is  an  individual    not    a    national    matter,    and 

where  the  nation  interferes  with  the  right  of  conscience, 

the   liberties  of  the  people  are  devoured  by  the  monster, 

superstition. 

If  you  wish  to  drive  out  the  Chinese,  do  not  make  a 
pretext  of  religion.  Do  not  pretend  that  you  are  trying 
to  do  God  a  favor.  Injustice  in  His  name  is  doubly 
detestable.  The  assassin  cannot  sanctify  his  dagger  by 
falling  on  his  knees,  and  it  does  not  help  a  falsehood  if  it 
be  uttered  as  a  prayer.  Religion,  used  to  intensify  the 
hatred  of  men  toward  men,  under  the  pretense  of  pleas- 
ing God,  has  cursed  this  world. 


846  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

A  portion  of  this  most  remarkable  report  is  intensely 
religious.  There  is  in  it  almost  the  odor  of  sanctity;  and 
when  reading  it,  one  is  impressed  with  the  living  piety  of 
its  authors.  But  on  the  twenty-fifth  page,  there  are  a 
few  passages  that  must  pain  the  hearts  of  true  believers. 
Leaving  their  religious  views,  the  members  immediately 
betake  themselves  to  philosophy  and  prediction.  Listen: 

44  The  Chinese  race  and  the  American  citizen,  whether 
native-born  or  who  is  eligible  to  our  naturalization  laws 
and  becomes  a  citizen,  are  in  a  state  of  antagonism. 
They  cannot,  nor  will  not,  ever  meet  upon  common 
ground  and  occupy  together  the  same  so-called  level. 
This  is  impossible.  The  pagan  and  the  Christian  travel 
different  paths.  This  one  believes  in  a  living  God;  that 
one  in  the  type  of  monsters  and  worship  of  wood  and 
stone.  Thus  in  the  religion  of  the  two  races  pf  men,  they 
are  as  wide  apart  as  the  poles  of  the  two  hemispheres. 
They  cannot  now,  nor  never  [sic]  will,  approach  the 
same  religious  altar.  The  Christian  will  not  recede  to 
barbarism,  nor  will  the  Chinese  advance  to  the  enlight- 
ened belt  [wherever  it  is]  of  civilization.  *  *  He 
cannot  be  converted  to  those  modern  ideas  of  religious 
worship  which  have  been  accepted  by  Europe,  and  which 
crown  the  American  system. " 

Christians  used  to  believe  that  through  their  religion 
all  the  nations  of  the  earth  were  finally  to  be  blest.  In 
accordance  with  that  belief  missionaries  have  been  sent 
to  every  land,  and  untold  wealth  has  been  expended  for 
what  has  been  called  the  spread  of  the  gospel. 

I  am  almost  sure  that  I  have  read  somewhere  that 
1 '  Christ  died  for  all  men, "  and  that  ' '  God  is  no  respecter 
of  persons."  It  was  once  taught  that  it  was  the  duty  of 


THE  CHINESE  GOD.  847 

Christians  to  tell  to  all  people  the  "  tidings  of  great  joy.' 
I  have  never  believed  these  things  myself,  but  have  always 
contended  that  an  honest  merchant  was  the  best  mission- 
ary. Commerce  makes  friends,  religion  makes  enemies; 
the  one  enriches,  and  the  other  impoverishes;  the  one 
thrives  best  where  the  truth  is  told,  the  otherwhere  false- 
hoods are  believed.  For  myself,  I  have  but  little  confi- 
dence in  any  business,  or  enterprise,  or  investment,  that 
promises  dividends  only  after  the  death  of  the  stock- 
holders. 

But  I  am  astonished  that  four  Christian  statesmen, 
four  members  of  Congress  in  the  last  quarter  of  the 
nineteenth  century,  who  seriously  object  to  people  on 
account  of  their  religious  convictions,  should  still  assert 
that  the  very  religion  in  which  they  believe — and  the  only 
religion  established  by  the  living  God-head  of  the  Ameri- 
can system — is  not  adapted  to  the  spiritual  needs  of  one- 
third  of  the  human  race.  It  is  amazing  that  these  four 
gentlemen  have,  in  the  defense  of  the  Christian  religion, 
announced  the  discovery  that  it  is  wholly  inadequate  for 
the  civilization  of  mankind;  that  the  light  of  the  cross 
can  never  penetrate  the  darkness  of  China;  "that  all 
the  labors  of  the  missionary,  the  example  of  the  good, 
the  exalted  character  of  our  civilization,  make  no  im- 
pression upon  the  pagan  life  of  the  Chinese;  "  and  that 
even  the  report  of  this  committee  will  not  tend  to  elevate, 
refine  and  Christianize  the  yellow  heathen  of  the  Pacific 
coast.  In  the  name  of  religion  these  gentlemen  have 
denied  its  power  and  mocked  at  the  enthusiasm  of  its 
founder.  Worse  than  this,  they  have  predicted  for  the 
Chinese  a  future  of  ignorance  and  idolatry  in  this  world, 
and,  if  the  "  American  system  "  of  religion  is  true,  hell- 
fire  in  the  next. 


848  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

For  the  benefit  of  these  four  philosophers  and  prophets, 
I  will,  give  a  few  extracts  from  the  writings  of  Confucius 
that  will  in  my  judgment,  compare  favorably  with  the 
best  passages  of  their  report: 

"  My  doctrine  is  that  man  must  be  true  to  the  princi- 
ples of  his  nature,  and  the  benevolent  exercises  of  them 
toward  others. 

"With  coarse  rice  to  eat,  with  water  to  drink,  and 
with  my  bended  arm  for  a  pillow,  I  still  have  joy. 

"  Riches  and  honor  acquired  by  injustice  are  to  me  but 
floating  clouds. 

"  The  man  who,  in  view  of  gain,  thinks  of  righteous- 
ness; who,  in  view  of  danger,  forgets  life,  and  who  re- 
members an  old  agreement,  however  far  back  it  extends, 
such  a  man  may  be  reckoned  a  complete  man. 

"  Recompense  injury  with  justice,  and  kindness  with 
kindness." 

There  is  one  word  which  may  serve  as  rule  of  practice 
for  all  one's  life.  Reciprocity  is  that  word. 

When  the  ancestors  of  the  four  Christian  Congress- 
men were  barbarians,  when  they  lived  in  caves,  gnawed 
bones,  and  worshiped  dried  snakes,  the  infamous  Chi- 
nese were  reading  these  sublime  sentences  of  Confucius. 
When  the  forefathers  of  these  Christian  statesmen  were 
hunting  toads  to  get  the  jewels  out  of  their  heads  to  be 
used  as  charms,  the  wretched  Chinese  were  calculating 
eclipses  and  measuring  the  circumference  of  the  earth. 
When  the  progenitors  of  these  representatives  of  the 
"American  system  of  religion"  were  burning  women 
charged  with  nursing  devils,  these  people,  "  incapable  of 
being  influenced  by  the  exalted  character  of  our  civiliza- 
tion," were  building  asylums  for  the  insane. 


THE  CHINESE  GOD.  849 

Neither  should  it  be  forgotten  that,  for  thousands  of 
years,  the  Chinese  have  honestly  practiced  the  great  princi- 
ple known  as  civil  service  reform — a  something  that  even 
the  administration  of  Mr.  Hayes  has  reached  only  through 
the  proxy  of  promise. 

If  we  wish  to  prevent  the  immigration  of  the  Chinese, 
let  us  reform  our  treaties  with  the  vast  empire  from 
whence  they  came.  For  thousands  of  years  the  Chinese 
secluded  themselves  from  the  rest  of  the  world.  They 
did  not  deem  the  Christian  nations  fit  to  associate  with. 
We  forced  ourselves  upon  them.  We  called,  not  with 
cards,  but  with  cannon.  The  English  battered  down  the 
door  in  the  names  of  Opium  and  Christ.  This  infamy 
was  regarded  as  another  triumph  for  the  gospel.  At  last, 
in  self-defense,  the  Chinese  allowed  Christians  to  touch 
their  shores.  Their  wise  men,  their  philosophers  pro- 
tested, and  prophesied  that  time  would  show  that  Christ- 
ians could  not  be  trusted.  This  report  proves  that  the 
wise  men  were  not  only  philosophers,  but  prophets. 

Treat  China  as  you  would  England.  Keep  a  treaty 
while  it  is  in  force.  Change  it  if  you  will,  according  to 
the  laws  of  nations,  but  on  no  account  excuse  a  breach 
of  national  faith  by  pretending  that  we  are  dishonest  for 
God's  sake. 


INGERSOLL'S  LETTER. 

IS  SUICIDE  A  SIN? 


(COLONEL  INGERSOLL'S  FIRST  LETTER  ) 


I  do  not  know  whether  self-killing  is  on  the  increase  or 
not.  If  it  is,  then  there  must  be,  on  the  average,  more 
trouble,  more  sorrow,  more  failure,  and,  consequently, 
more  people  are  driven  to  despair.  In  civilized  life  there 
is  a  great  struggle,  great  competition,  and  many  fall.  To 
fail  in  a  great  city  is  like  being  wrecked  at  sea.  In  the 
country  a  man  has  friends.  He  can  get  a  little  credit,  a 
little  help,  but  in  the  city  it  is  different.  The  man  is  lost 
in  the  multitude.  In  the  roar  of  the  streets  his  cry  is  not 
heard.  Death  becomes  his  only  friend.  Death  promises 
release  from  want,  from  hunger  and  pain,  and  so  the 
poor  wretch  lays  down  his  burden,  dashes  it  from  his 
shoulders  and  falls  asleep. 

To  me  all  this  seems  very  natural.  The  wonder  is  that  so 
many  endure  and  suffer  to  the  natural  end,  that  so  many 
nurse  the  spark  of  life  in  huts  and  prisons,  keep  it  and 

850 


IS   SUICIDE   A   SIN?  851 

guard  it  through  years  of  misery  and  want;  support  it  by 
beggary;  by  eating  the  crust  found  in  the  gutter,  and  to 
whom  it  only  gives  days  of  weariness  and  nights  of  fear 
and  dread.  Why  should  the  man,  sitting  amid  the  wreck 
of  all  he  had,  the  loved  ones  dead,  friends  lost,  seek  to 
lengthen,  to  preserve  his  life?  What  can  the  future  have 
for  him? 

Under  many  circumstances  a  man  has  the  right  to  kill 
himself.  When  life  is  of  no  value  to  him,  when  he  can 
be  of  no  real  assistance  to  others,  why  should  a  man  con- 
tinue? When  he  is  of  no  benefit,  when  he  is  a  burden  to 
those  he  loves,  why  should  he  remain?  The  old  idea  was 
that  * '  God  "  made  us  and  placed  us  here  for  a  purpose,  and 
that  it  was  our  duty  to  remain  until  He  called  us.  The 
world  is  outgrowing  this  absurdity.  What  pleasure  can 
it  give  4<  God"  to  see  a  man  devoured  by  a  cancer?  To 
see  the  quivering  flesh  slowly  eaten?  To  see  the  nerves 
throbbing  with  pain?  Is  this  a  festival  for  "God"? 
Why  should  the  poor  wretch  stay  and  suffer?  A  little 
morphine  would  give  him  sleep — the  agony  would  be  for- 
gotten and  he  would  pass  unconsciously  from  happy 
dreams  to  painless  death. 

If  "God"  determines  all  births  and  deaths,  of  what 
use  is  medicine,  and  why  should  doctors  defy,  with  pills 
and  powders,  the  decrees  of  "  God"  ?  No  one,  except  a 
few  insane,  act  now  according  to  this  childish  supersti- 
tion. Why  should  a  man,  surrounded  by  flames,  in  the 
midst  of  a  burning  building,  from  which  there  is  no 
escape,  hesitate  to  put  a  bullet  through  his  brain  or  a 
dagger  in  his  heart?  Would  it  give  "  God  "  pleasure  to 
see  him  burn?  When  did  the  man  lose  the  right  of 
self-defense? 


852  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

So,  when  a  man  has  committed  some  awful  crime,  why 
should  he  stay  and  ruin  his  family  and  friends?  Why 
should  he  add  to  the  injury?  Why  should  he  live,  filling 
his  days  and  nights,  and  the  days  and 'nights  of  others, 
with  grief  and  pain,  with  agony  and  tears? 

Why  should  a  man  sentenced  to  imprisonment  for  life 
hesitate  to  still  his  heart?  The  grave  is  better  than  the 
cell.  Sleep  is  sweeter  than  the  ache  of  toil.  The  dead 
have  no  masters. 

So  the  poor  girl,  betrayed  and  deserted,  the  door  of 
home  closed  against  her,  the  faces  of  friends  averted,  no 
hand  that  will  help,  no  eye  that  will  soften  with  pity,  the 
future  an  abyss  filled  with  monstrous  shapes  of  dread  and 
fear,  her  mind  racked  by  fragments  of  thoughts  like 
clouds  broken  by  storm,  pursued,  surrounded  by  the  ser- 
pents of  remorse,  flying  from  horrors  too  great  to  bear, 
rushes  with  joy  through  the  welcome  door  of  death. 

Undoubtedly  there  are  many  cases  of  perfectly  justifia- 
ble suicide — cases  in  which  not  to  end  life  would  be  a 
mistake,  sometimes  almost  a  crime. 

As  to  the  necessity  of  death,  each  must  decide  for  him- 
self. And  if  a  man  honestly  decides  that  death  is  best 
—best  for  him  and  others — and  acts  upon  the  decision, 
why  should  he  be  blamed? 

Certainly  the  man  who  kills  himself  is  not  a  physical 
coward.  He  may  have  lacked  moral  courage,  but  not 
physical.  It  may  be  said  that  some  men  fight  duels  be- 
cause they  are  afraid  to  decline.  They  are  between  two 
fires — the  chance  of  death  and  the  certainty  of  dishonor, 
and  they  take  the  chance  of  death.  So  the  Christian 
martyrs  were,  according  to  their  belief,  between  two  fires 
— the  flames  of  the  fagot  that  could  burn  but  for  a  few 


IS    SUICIDE   A    SIN?  853 

moments  and  the  fires  of  God,  that  were  eternal.  And 
they  chose  the  flames  of  the  fagot. 

Men  who  fear  death  to  that  degree  that  they  will  bear 
all  the  pains  and  pangs  that  nerves  can  feel  rather  than 
die,  cannot  afford  to  call  the  suicide  a  coward.  It  does 
not  seem  to  me  that  Brutus  was  a  coward  or  that  Seneca 
was.  Surely  Antony  had  nothing  left  to  live  for.  Cato 
was  not  a  craven.  He  acted  on  his  judgment.  So  with 
hundreds  of  others  who  felt  that  they  had  reached  the 
end — that  the  journey  was  done,  the  voyage  was  over, 
and,  so  feeling,  stopped.  It  seems  certain  that  the  man 
who  commits  suicide,  who  "does  the  thing  that  stops 
all  other  deeds,  that  shackles  accident  and  bolts  up 
change,"  is  not  lacking  in  physical  courage. 

If  men  had  the  courage  they  would  not  linger  in  prisons, 
in  almshouses,  in  hospitals,  they  would  not  bear  the 
pangs  of  incurable  disease,  the  stains  of  dishonor,  they 
would  not  live  in  filth  and  want,  in  poverty  and  hunger, 
neither  would  they  wear  the  chain  of  slavery.  All  this 
can  be  accounted  for  only  by  the  fear  of  death  or  "of 
something  after." 

Seneca,  knowing  that  Nero  intended  to  take  his  life, 
had  no  fear.  He  knew  that  he  could  defeat  the  Emperor. 
He  knew  that  "  at  the  bottom  of  every  river,  in  the  coil 
of  every  rope,  on  the  point  of  every  dagger,  Liberty  sat 
and  smiled."  He  knew  that  it  was  his  own  fault  if  he 
allowed  himself  to  be  tortured  to  death  by  his  enemy. 
He  said,  "There  is  this  blessing,  that  while  life  has  but 
one  entrance,  it  has  exits  innumerable,  and  as  I  choose 
the  house  in  which  I  live,  the  ship  in  which  I  will  sail,  so 
will  I  choose  the  time  and  manner  of  my  death." 

To  me  this  is  not  cowardly,   but   manly  and  noble. 


854  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Under  the  Roman  law  persons  found  guilty  of  certain 
offenses  were  not  only  destroyed,  but  their  blood  was  pol- 
luted, and  their  children  became  outcasts.  If,  however, 
they  died  before  conviction,  their  children  were  saved. 
Many  committed  suicide  to  save  their  babes.  Certainly 
they  were  not  cowards.  Although  guilty  of  great  crimes, 
they  had  enough  of  honor,  of  manhood,  left  to  save 
their  innocent  children.  This  was  not  cowardice. 

Without  doubt  many  suicides  are  caused  by  insanity. 
Men  lose  their  property.  The  fear  of  the  future  over- 
powers them.  Things  lose  proportion,  they  lose  poise 
and  balance,  and  in  a  flash,  a  gleam  of  frenzy,  kill  them- 
selves. The  disappointed  in  love,  broken  in  heart — the 
light  fading  from  their  lives — seek  the  refuge  of  death. 

Those  who  take  their  lives  in  painful,  barbarous  ways 
—who  mangle  their  throats  with  broken  glass,  dash 
themselves  from  towers  and  roofs,  take  poisons  that  tor- 
ture like  the  rack — such  persons  must  be  insane.  But 
those  who  take-v,tbe  facts  into  account,  who  weigh  the 
arguments  for  and  against,  and  who  decide  that  death  is 
best — the  only  good — and  then  resort  to  reasonable 
means,  may  be,  so  far  as  I  can  see,  in  full  possession  of 
their  minds. 

Life  is  not  the  same  to  all — to  some  a  blessing,  to 
some  a  curse,  to  some  not  much  in  any  way.  Some 
leave  it  with  unspeakable  regret,  some  with  the  keenest 
joy,  and  some  with  indifference. 

Religion,  or  the  decadence  of  religion,  has  a  bearing 
upon  the  number  of  suicides.  The  fear  of  "God,"  of 
judgment,  of  eternal  pain  will  stay  the  hand,  and  people 
so  believing  will  suffer  here  until  relieved  by  natural 
death.  A  belief  in  the  eternal  agony  beyond  the  grave 


IS   SUICIDE    A   SIN?  855 

will  cause  such  believers  to  suffer  the  pangs  of  this  life. 
When  there  is  no  fear  of  the  future,  when  death  is  be- 
lieved to  be  a  dreamless  sleep,  men  have  less  hesitation 
about  ending  their  lives.  On  the  other  hand,  orthodox 
religion  has  driven  millions  to  insanity.  It  has  caused 
parents  to  murder  their  children  and  many  thousands  to 
destroy  themselves  and  others. 

It  seems  probable  that  all  real,  genuine  orthodox 
believers  who  kill  themselves  must  be  insane,  and  to  such 
a  degree  that  their  belief  is  forgotten.  "  God  "  and  hell 
are  out  of  their  minds. 

I  am  satisfied  that  many  who  commit  suicide  are  in- 
sane, many  are  in  the  twilight  or  dusk  of  insanity,  and 
many  are  perfectly  sane. 

The  law  we  have  in  this  State  making  it  a  crime  to 
attempt  suicide  is  cruel  and  absurd  and  calculated  to  in- 
crease the  number  of  successful  suicides.  When  a  man 
has  suffered  so  much,  when  he  has  been  so  persecuted 
and  pursued  by  disaster  that  he  seeks  the  rest  and  sleep 
of  death,  why  should  the  State  add  to  the  sufferings  of 
that  man?  A  man  seeking  death,  knowing  that  he  will 
be  punished  if  he  fails,  will  take  extra  pains  and  precau- 
tions to  make  death  certain. 

This  law  was  born  of  superstition,  passed  by  thought- 
lessness and  enforced  by  ignorance  and  cruelty. 

When  the  house  of  life  becomes  a  prison,  when  the 
horizon  has  shrunk  and  narrowed  to  a  cell,  and  when  the 
convict  longs  for  the  liberty  of  death,  why  should  the 
effort  to  escape  be  regarded  as  a  crime? 

Of  course,  I  regard  life  from  a  natural  point  of  view. 
I  do  not  take  gods,  heavens  or  hells  into  account.  My 
horizon  is  the  known,  and  my  estimate  of  life  is  based 


856  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

upon  what  I  know  of  life  here  in  this  world.  People 
should  not  suffer  for  the  sake  of  supernatural  beings  or 
for  other  worlds  or  the  hopes  and  fears  of  some  future 
state.  Our  joys,  our  sufferings  and  our  duties  are  here. 

The  law  of  New  York  about  the  attempt  to  commit 
suicide  and  the  law  as  to  divorce  are  about  equal.  Both 
are  idiotic.  Law  cannot  prevent  suicide.  Those  who 
have  lost  all  fear  of  death,  care  nothing  for  law  and  its 
penalties.  Death  is  liberty,  absolute  and  eternal. 

We  should  remember  that  nothing  happens  but  the 
natural.  Back  of  every  suicide  and  every  attempt  to 
commit  suicide  is  the  natural  and  efficient  cause.  Nothing 
happens  by  chance.  In  this  world  the  facts  touch  each 
other.  There  is  no  space  between — no  room  for  chance. 
Given  a  certain  heart  and  brain,  certain  conditions,  and 
suicide  is  the  necessary  result.  If  we  wish  to  prevent 
suicide  we  must  change  conditions.  We  must,  by  educa- 
tion, by  invention,  by  art,  by  civilization,  add  to  the 
value  of  the  average  life.  We  must  cultivate  the  brain 
and  heart — do  away  with  false  pride  and  false  modesty. 
We  must  become  generous  enough  to  help  our  fellows 
without  degrading  them.  We  must  make  industry — 
useful  work  of  all  kinds — honorable.  We  must  mingle  a 
little  affection  with  our  charity — a  little  fellowship.  We 
should  allow  those  who  have  sinned  to  really  reform. 
We  should  not  think  only  of  what  the  wicked  have  done, 
but  we  should  think  of  what  we  have  wanted  to  do. 
People  do  not  hate  the  sick.  Why  should  they  despise 
the  mentally  weak— the  diseased  in  brain? 

Our  actions  are  the  fruit,  the  result,  of  circumstances 
— of  conditions — and  we  do  as  we  must.  This  great  truth 
should  fill  the  heart  with  pity  for  the  failures  of  our  race. 


IS    SUICIDE    A   SIN?  857 

Sometimes  I  have  wondered  that  Christians  denounce 
the  suicide;  that  in  old  times  they  buried  him  where  the 
roads  crossed,  and  drove  a  stake  through  his  body.  They 
took  his  property  from  his  children  and  gave  it  to  the 
State. 

If  Christians  would  only  think,  they  would  see  tha 
orthodox  religion  rests  upon  suicide — that  man  was  re- 
deemed by  suicide,  and  that  without  suicide  the  whole 
world  would  have  been  lost. 

If  Christ  were  God,  then  he  had  the  power  to  protect 
himself  from  the  Jews  without  hurting  them.  But  instead 
of  using  his  power  he  allowed  them  to  take  his  life. 

If  a  strong  man  should  allow  a  few  little  children  to 
hack  him  to  death  with  knives  when  he  could  easily  have 
brushed  them  aside,  would  we  not  say  that  he  committed 
suicide? 

There  is  no  escape.  If  Christ  were,  in  fact,  God  and 
allowed  the  Jews  to  kill  Him,  then  He  consented  to  His 
own  death — refused,  though  perfectly  able,  to  defend  and 
protect  Himself,  and  was,  in  fact,  a  suicide. 

We  cannot  reform  the  world  by  law  or  by  superstition. 
As  long  as  there  shall  be  pain  and  failure,  want  and 
sorrow,  agony  and  crime,  men  and  women  will  untie 
life's  knot  and  seeks  the  peace  of  death. 

To  the  hopelessly  imprisoned — to  the  dishonored  and 
despised — to  those  who  have  failed,  who  have  no  future, 
no  hope — to  the  abandoned,  the  broken-hearted,  to  those 
who  are  only  remnants  and  fragments  of  men  and  women 
— how  consoling,  how  enchanting  is  the  thought  of  death! 

And  even  to  the  most  fortunate  death  at  last  is  a  wel- 
come deliverer.  Death  is  as  natural  and  as  merciful  as 
life.  When  we  have  journeyed  long — when  we  are  weary 


858  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

—when  we  wish  for  the  twilight,  for  the  dusk,  for  the 
cool  kisses  of  the  night — when  the  senses  are  dull — when 
the  pulse  is  faint  and  low — when  the  mists  gather  on  the 
mirror  of  memory — when  the  past  is  almost  forgotten, 
the  present  hardly  perceived — when  the  future  has  but 
empty  hands — death  is  as  welcome  as  a  strain  of  music. 

After  all,  death  is  not  so  terrible  as  joyless  life.  Next 
to  eternal  happiness  is  to  sleep  in  the  soft  clasp  of  the 
cool  earth,  disturbed  by  no  dream,  by  no  thought,  by  no 
pain,  by  no  fear,  unconscious  of  all  and  forever. 

The  wonder  is  that  so  many  live,  that  in  spite  of  rags 
and  want,  in  spite  of  tenement  and  gutter,  of  filth  and 
pain,  they  limp  and  stagger  and  crawl  beneath  their 
burdens  to  the  natural  end.  The  wonder  is  that  so  few 
of  the  miserable  are  brave  enough  to  die — that  so  many 
are  terrified  by  the  "  something  after  death  " — by  the 
specters  and  phantoms  of  superstition. 

Most  people  are  in  love  with  life.  How  they  cling  to 
it  in  the  arctic  snows — how  they  struggle  in  the  waves 
and  currents  of  the  sea — how  they  linger  in  famine — how 
they  fight  disaster  and  despair!  On  the  crumbling  edge 
of  death  they  keep  the  flag  flying  and  go  down]at  last  full 
of  hope  and  courage. 

But  many  have  not  such  natures.  They  cannot  bear 
defeat.  They  are  disheartened  by  disaster.  They  lie 
down  on  the  field  of  conflict  and  give  the  earth  their 
blood. 

They  are  our  unfortunate  brothers  and  sisters.  We 
should  not  curse  or  blame — we  should  pity.  On  their 
pallid  faces  our  tears  should  fall. 

One  of  the  best  men  I  ever  knew,  with  an  affectionate 
wife,  a  charming  and  loving  daughter,  committed  suicide. 


IS    SUICIDE    A   SIN.  859 

He  was  a  man  of  generous  impulses.  His  heart  was 
loving  and  tender.  He  was  conscientious,  and  so  sensi- 
tive that  he  blamed  himself  for  having  done  what  at  the 
time  he  thought  wise  and  best.  He  was  the  victim  of  his 
virtues.  Let  us  be  merciful  in  our  judgments. 

All  we  can  say  is  that  the  good  and  the  bad,  the  loving 
and  the  malignant,  the  conscientious  and  the  vicious,  the 
educated  and  the  ignorant,  actuated  by  many  motives, 
urged  and  pushed  by  circumstances  and  conditions — 
sometimes  in  the  calm  of  judgment,  sometimes  in  pas- 
sion's storm  and  stress,  sometimes  in  whirl  and  tempest 
of  insanity — raise  their  hands  against  themselves  and 
desperately  put  out  the  light  of  life. 

Those  who  attempt  suicide  should  not  be  punished.  If 
they  are  insane  they  should,  if  possible  be  restored  to 
reason;  if  sane,  they  should  be  reasoned  with,  calmed 
and  assisted. 


INGEKSOLL'S    LETTER 


THE  RIGHT  TO   ONE'S   LIFE, 


Colonel  Ingersoll's   Eloquent  Reply  -  to 
His   Critics. 


In  the  article  written  by  me  about  suicide  the  ground 
was  taken  that  "  under  many  circumstances  a  man  has 
the  right  to  kill  himself." 

This  has  been  attacked  with  great  fury  by  clergymen, 
editors  and  the  writers  of  letters.  These  people  con- 
tend that  the  right  of  self-destruction  does  not  and  can 
not  exist.  They  insist  that  life  is  the  gift  of  God,  and 
that  He  only  has  the  right  to  end  the  days  of  men;  that 
it  is  our  duty  to  bear  the  sorrows  that  He  sends  with 
grateful  patience.  Some  have  denounced  suicide  as  the 
worst  of  crimes — worse  than  the  murder  of  another. 

The  first  question,  then,  is: 

Has  a  man  under  any  circumstances  the  right  to  kill 
himself? 

A  man  is  being  slowly  devoured  by  a  cancer — his  agony 
is  intense — his  suffering  all  that  nerves  can  feel.  His  life 

860 


THE  RIGHT  TO  ONE'S  LIFE.  86 1 

is  slowly  being  taken.  Is  this  the  work  of  the  good  God? 
Did  the  compassionate  God  create  the  cancer  so  that  it 
might  feed  on  the  quivering  flesh  of  this  victim? 

This  man,  suffering  agonies  beyond  the  imagination  to 
Conceive,  is  of  no  use  to  himself.  His  life  is  but  a  suc- 
cession of  pangs.  He  is  of  no  use  to  his  wife,  his  chil- 
dren, his  friends  or  society.  Day  after  day  he  is  rendered 
unconscious  by  drugs  that  numb  the  nerves  and  put  the 
brain  to  sleep. 

Has  he  the  right  to  render  himself  unconscious?  Is  it 
proper  for  him  to  take  refuge  in  sleep? 

If  there  be  a  good  God  I  cannot  believe  that  He  takes 
pleasure  in  the  sufferings  of  men — that  He  gloats  over 
the  agonies  of  His  children.  If  there  be  a  good  God, 
He  will,  to  the  extent  of  His  power,  lessen  the  evils  of 
life. 

So  I  insist  that  the  man  being  eaten  by  the  cancer — a 
burden  to  himself  and  others,  useless  in  every  way — has 
the  right  to  end  his  pain  and  pass  through  happy  sleep 
to  dreamless  rest. 

But  those  who  have  answered  me  would  say  to  this 
man:  "  It  is  your  duty  to  be  devoured.  The  good  God 
wishes  you  to  suffer.  Your  life  is  the  gift  of  God.  You 
hold  it  in  trust,  and  you  have  no  right  to  end  it.  The 
cancer  is  the  creation  of  God  and  it  is  .your  duty  to  fur- 
nish it  with  food . " 

Take  another  case:  A  man  is  on  a  burning  ship;  the 
crew  and  the  rest  of  the  passengers  have  escaped — gone 
in  the  lifeboats — and  he  is  left  alone.  In  the  wide  hori- 
zon there  is  no  sail,  no  sign  of  help.  He  cannot  swim. 
If  he  leaps  into  the  sea  he  drowns,  if  he  remains  on  the  ship 
he  burns.  In  any  event  he  can  live  but  a  few  moments. 


862  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Those  who  have  answered  me,  those  who  insist  that 
under  no  circumstances  a  man  has  the  right  to  take  his 
life,  would  say  to  this  man -on  the  deck,  "  Remain  where 
you  are.  It  is  the  desire  of  your  loving,  heavenly  father 
that  you  be  clothed  in  flame — that  you  slowly  roast- 
that  your  eyes  be  scorched  to  blindness  and  that  you  die 
insane  with  pain.  Your  life  is  not  your  own,  only  the 
agony  is  yours. " 

I  would  say  to  this  man:  "  Do  as  you  wish.  If  you 
prefer  drowning  to  burning,  leap  into  the  sea.  Between 
inevitable  evils  you  have  the  right  of  choice.  You  can 
help  no  one,  not  even  God,  by  allowing  yourself  to  be 
burned,  and  you  can  injure  no  one,  not  even  God,  by 
choosing  the  easier  death." 

Let  us  suppose  another  case. 

A  man  has  been  captured  by  savages  in  central  Africa. 
He  is  about  to  be  tortured  to  death.  His  captors  are 
going  to  thrust  splinters  of  pine  into  his  flesh  and  then 
set  them  on  fire.  He  watches  them  as  they  make  the 
preparations.  He  knows  what  they  are  about  to  do  and 
what  he  is  about  to  suffer.  There  is  no  hope  of  rescue, 
of  help.  He  has  a  vial  of  poison.  He  knows  that  he 
can  take  it  and  in  one  moment  pass  beyond  their  power, 
leaving  to  them  only  the  dead  body. 

Is  this  man  under  obligation  to  keep  his  life  because 
God  gave  it  until  the  savages  by  torture  take  it?  Are 
the  savages  the  agents  of  the  good  God?  Are  they  the 
servants  of  the  infinite?  Is  it  the  duty  of  this  man  to 
allow  them  to  wrap  his  body  in  a  garment  of  flame?  Has 
he  no  right  to  defend  himself?  Is  it  the  will  of  God  that  he 
die  by  torture?  What  would  any  man  of  ordinary  intelli- 
gence do  in  a  case  like  this?  Is  there  room  for  discussion? 


THE  RIGHT  TO  ONE'S  LIFE.  863 

If  the  man  took  the  poison,  shortened  his  life  a  few 
moments,  escaped  the  tortures  of  the  savages,  is  it  possi- 
ble that  he  would  in  another  world  be  tortured  forever  by 
an  infinite  savage? 

Suppose  another  case.  In  the  good  old  days,  when 
the  inquisition  flourished,  when  men  loved  their  enemies 
and  murdered  their  friends,  many  frightful  and  ingenious 
ways  were  devised  to  touch  the  nerves  of  pain. 

Those  who  loved  God,  who  had  been  ''born  twice," 
would  take  a  fellow-man  who  had  been  convicted  of 
"heresy,"  lay  him  upon  the  floor  of  a  dungeon,  secure 
his  arms  and  legs  with  chains,  fasten  him  to  the  earth  so 
that  he  could  not  move,  put  an  iron  vessel,  the  opening 
downward,  on  his  stomach,  place  in  the  vessel  several 
rats,  then  tie  it  securely  to  his  body.  Then  these  wor- 
shipers of  God  would  wait  until  the  rats,  seeking  food 
and  liberty,  would  gnaw  through  the  body  of  the  victim. 

Now,  if  a  man  about  to  be  subjected  to  this  torture 
had  within  his  hand  a  dagger,  would  it  excite  the  wrath 
of  the  "good  God,"  if  with  one  quick  stroke  he  found 
the  protection  of  death? 

To  this  question  there  can  be  but  one  answer. 

In  the  cases  I  have  supposed  it  seems  to  me  that  each 
person  would  have  the  right  to  destroy  himself.  It  does 
not  seem  possible  that  the  man  was  under  obligation  to 
be  devoured  by  a  cancer;  to  remain  upon  the  ship  and 
perish  in  flame;  to  throw  away  the  poison  and  be  tortured 
to  death  by  savages;  to  drop  the  dagger  and  endure  the 
"  mercies"  of  the  church. 

If,  in  the  cases  I  have  supposed,  men  would  have  the 
right  to  take  their  lives,  then  I  was  right  when  I  said 
that  ' '  under  many  circumstances  a  man  has  a  right  to 
kill  himself." 


864  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

Second,  I  denied  that  persons  who  killed  themselves 
were  physical  cowards.  They  may  lack  moral  courage; 
they  may  exaggerate  their  misfortunes,  lose  the  sense  of 
proportion,  but  the  man  who  plunges  the  dagger  in  his 
heart,  who  sends  the  bullet  through  his  brain,  who  leaps 
from  some  roof  and  dashes  himself  against  the  stones 
beneath,  is  not  and  cannot  be  a  physical  coward. 

The  basis  of  cowardice  is  the  fear  of  injury  or  the  fear  of 
death,  and  when  that  fear  is  not  only  gone,  but  in  its  place 
is  the  desire  to  die,  no  matter  by  what  means,  it  is  im- 
possible that  cowardice  should  exist.  The  suicide  wants 
the  very  thing  that  a  coward  fears.  He  seeks  the  very 
thing  that  cowardice  endeavors  to  escape. 

So  the  man,  forced  to  a  choice  of  evils,  choosing  the 
less  is  not  a  coward,  but  a  reasonable  man. 

It  must  be  admitted  that  the  suicide  is  honest  with 
himself.  He  is  to  bear  the  injury,  if  it  be  one.  Certainly 
there  is  no  hypocrisy,  and  just  as  certainly  there  is  no 
physical  cowardice. 

Is  the  man  who  takes  morphine  rather  than  be  eaten 
to  death  by  a  cancer  a  coward? 

Is  the  man  who  leaps  into  the  sea  rather  than  be 
burned  a  coward?  Is  the  man  that  takes  poison  rather 
than  be  tortured  to  death  by  savages  or  "  Christians  "  a 
coward? 

Third,  I  also  took  the  position  that  some  suicides 
were  sane;  that  they  acted  on  their  best  judgment,  and 
that  they  were  in  full  possession  of  their  minds. 

Now,  if,  under  some  circumstances,  a  man  has  the 
right  to  take  his  life,  and  if,  under  such  circumstances, 
he  does  take  his  life,  then  it  cannot  be  said  that  he  was 
insane. 


THE  RIGHT  TO  ONE'S  LIFE.  865 

Most  of  the  persons  who  have  tried  to  answer  me  have 
taken  the  ground  that  suicide  is  not  only  a  crime,  but 
some  of  them  have  said  that  it  is  the  greatest  of  crimes. 
Now,  if  it  be  a  crime,  then  the  suicide  must  have  been 
sane.  So  all  persons  who  denounce  the  suicide  as  a 
criminal  admit  that  he  was  sane.  Under  the  law,  an 
insane  person  is  incapable  of  committing  a  crime.  All 
the  clergymen  who  have  answered  me,  and  who  have 
passionately  asserted  that  suicide  is  a  crime,  have  by 
that  assertion  admitted  that  those  who  killed  themselves 
were  sane. 

They  agree  with  me,  and  not  only  admit,  but  assert 
that  "some  who  have  committed  suicide  were  sane  and 
in  the  full  possession  of  their  minds." 

It  seems  to  me  that  these  three  propositions  have  been 
demonstrated  to  be  true:  First,  that  under  some  cir- 
cumstances a  man  has  the  right  to  take  his  life;  second, 
that  the  man  who  commits  suicide  is  not  a  physical 
coward;  and,  third,  that  some  who  have  committed  suicide 
were  at  the  time  sane  and  in  full  possession  of  their 
minds . 

Fourth,  I  insisted,  and  still  insist,  that  suicide  was 
and  is  the  foundation  of  the  Christian  religion. 

I  still  insist  that  if  Christ  were  God  He  had  the  power 
to  protect  Himself  without  injuring  His  assailants — that 
having  that  power  it  was  His  duty  to  use  it,  and  that 
failing  to  use  it  He  consented  to  His  own  death  and  was 
guilty  of  suicide. 

To  this  the  clergy  answer  that  it  was  self-sacrifice  for 
the  redemption  of  man,  that  He  made  an  atonement  for 
the  sins  of  believers.  These  ideas  about  redemption  and 
atonement  are  born  of  a  belief  in  the  "fall  of  man,"  on 


866  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

account  of  the  sins  of  our  "  first  parents,"  and  of  the 
declaration  that  "  without  the  shedding  of  blood  there  is 
no  remission  of  sin."  The  foundation  has  crumbled.  No 
intelligent  person  now  believes  in  the  l  (  fall  of  man  "- 
that  our  first  parents  were  perfect,  and  that  their  descend- 
ants grew  worse  and  worse,  at  least  until  the  coming  of 
Christ. 

Intelligent  men  now  believe  that  ages  and  ages  before 
the  dawn  of  history  man  was  a  poor,  naked,  cruel,  ignor- 
ant and  degraded  savage,  whose  language  consisted  of  a 
few  sounds  of  terror,  of  hatred  and  delight;  that  he 
devoured  his  fellow-man,  having  all  the  vices,  but  not  all 
the  virtues  of  the  beasts;  that  the  journey  from  the  den 
to  the  home,  the  palace,  has  been  long  and  painful, 
through  many  centuries  of  suffering,  of  cruelty  and  war; 
through  many  ages  of  discovery,  invention,  self-sacrifice 
and  thought. 

Redemption  and  atonement  are  left  without  a  fact  on 
which  to  rest.  The  idea  that  an  infinite  God,  creator  of 
all  worlds,  came  to  this  grain  of  sand,  learred  the  trade 
of  a  carpenter,  discussed  with  Pharisees  and  scribes,  and 
allowed  a  few  infuriated  Hebrews  to  put  Him  to  death 
that  He  might  atone  for  the  sins  of  men  and  redeem  a 
few  believers  from  the  consequences  of  His  own  wrath, 
can  find  no  lodgement  in  a  good  and  natural  brain. 

In  no  mythology  can  anything  more  monstrously  un- 
believable be  found. 

But  if  Christ  were  a  man  and  attacked  the  religion  of 
His  times  because  it  was  cruel  and  absured;  if  He  endeav- 
ored to  found  a  religion  of  kindness,  of  good  deeds,  to 
take  the  place  of  heartlessness  and  ceremony,  and  if, 
rather  than  to  deny  what  He  believed  to  be  right  and 


THE  RIGHT  TO  ONE'S  LIFE.  867 

true,  He  suffered  death,  then  He  was  a  noble  man — a 
benefactor  of  His  race.  But  if  He  were  God  there  was 
no  need  of  this.  The  Jews  did  not  wish  to  kill  God.  If 
He  had  only  made  himself  known,  all  knees  would  have 
touched  the  ground.  If  He  were  God  it  required  no 
heroism  to  die.  He  knew  that  what  we  call  death  is  but 
the  opening  of  the  gates  of  eternal  life.  If  He  were 
God,  there  was  no  self-sacrifice.  He  had  no  need  to 
suffer  pain.  He  could  have  changed  the  crucifixion  to  a 

joy- 
Even  the  editors  of  religious  weeklies  see  that  there  is 

no  escape  from  these  conclusions — from  these  arguments 
— and  so,  instead  of  attacking  the  arguments,  they  attack 
the  man  who  makes  them. 

Fifth,  I  denounced  the  law  of  New  York  that  makes 
an  attempt  to  commit  suicide  a  crime. 

It  seems  to  me  that  one  who  has  suffered  so  much 
that  he  passionately  longs  for  death  should  be  pitied,  in- 
stead of  punished — helped  rather  than  imprisoned. 

A  despairing  woman  who  had  vainly  sought  for  leave 
to  toil,  a  woman  without  home,  without  friends,  without 
bread,  with  clasped  hands,  with  tear-filled  eyes,  with 
broken  words  of  prayer,  in  the  darkness  of  night  leaps 
from  the  dock,  hoping,  longing  for  the  tearless  sleep  of 
death.  She  is  rescued  by  a  kind,  courageous  man, 
handed  over  to  the  authorities,  indicted,  tried,  convicted 
clothed  in  a  convict's  garb  and  locked  in  a  felon's  cell. 

To  me  this  law  seems  barbarous  and  absurd,  a  law 
that  only  savages  would  enforce. 

Sixth,  in  this  discussion  a  curious  thing  has  happened. 
For  several  centuries  the  clergy  have  declared  that  while 
infidelity  is  a  very  good  thing  to  live  by,  it  is  a  bad 


868  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

support,  a  wretched  consolation,  in  the  hour  of  death. 
They  have,  in  spite  of  the  truth,  declared  that  all  the 
great  unbelievers  died  trembling  with  fear,  asking  God 
for  mercy,  surrounded  by  fiends,  in  the  torments  of 
despair.  Think  of  the  thousands  and  thousands  of  clergy- 
men who  have  described  the  last  agonies  of  Voltaire, 
who  died  as  peacefully  as  a  happy  child  smilingly  passes 
from  play  to  slumber;  the  final  anguish  of  Hume,  who 
fell  into  his  last  sleep  as  serenely,  as  a  river,  running  be- 
tween green  and  shaded  banks,  reaches  the  sea;  the 
despair  of  Thomas  Paine,  one  of  the  bravest,  one  of  the 
noblest  men,  who  met  the  night  of  death  untroubled  as  a 
star  that  meets  the  morning. 

At  the  same  time  these  ministers  admitted  that  the 
average  murderer  could  meet  death  on  the  scaffold  with 
perfect  serenity,  and  could  smilingly  ask  the  people  who 
had  gathered  to  see  him  killed  meet  him  in  heaven. 

But  the  honest  man  who  had  expressed  his  honest 
thoughts  against  the  creed  of  the  church  in  power  could 
not  die  in  peace.  God  would  see  to  it  that  his  last  mo- 
ments should  be  filled  with  the  insanity  of  fear — that 
with  his  last  breath  he  should  utter  the  shriek  of  remorse, 
the  cry  for  pardon. 

This  has  all  changed,  and  now  the  clergy,  in  their 
sermons  answering  me,  declare  that  the  atheists,  the 
free-thinkers,  have  no  fear  of  death — that  to  avoid  some 
little  annoyance,  a  passing  inconvenience,  they  gladly 
and  cheerfully  put  out  the  light  of  life.  It  is  now  said 
that  infidels  believe  that  death  is  the  end — that  it  is  a 
dreamless  sleep — that  it  is  without  pain — that  therefore 
they  have  no  fear,  care  nothing  for  gods  or  heavens  or 
hells,  nothing  for  the  threats  of  the  pulpit,  nothing  for 


THE  RIGHT  TO  ONE'S  LIFE.  869 

the  day  of  judgment,    and  that  when   life   becomes    a 
burden  they  carelessly  throw  it  down. 

The  infidels  are  so  afraid  of  death  that  they  commit 
suicide. 

This  certainly  is  a  great  change,  and  I  congratulate  my- 
self on  having  forced  the  clergy  to  contradict  themselves. 

Seventh,  the  clergy  take  the  position  that  the  athe- 
ist, the  unbeliever,  has  no  standard  of  morality — that  he 
can  have  no  real  conception  of  right  and  wrong.  They 
are  of  the  opinion  that  it  is  impossible  for  one  to  be 
moral  or  good  unless  he  believes  in  some  being  far  above 
himself. 

In  this  connection  we  might  ask  how  God  can  be 
moral  or  good  unless  he  believes  in  some  being  superior 
to  himself. 

What  is  morality?  It  is  the  best  thing  to  do  under  the 
circumstances.  What  is  the  best  thing  to  do  under  the 
circumstances?  That  which  will  increase  the  sum  of 
human  happiness — or  lessen  it  the  least.  Happiness,  in 
its  highest,  noblest  form,  is  the  only  good;  that  which 
increases  or  preserves  or  creates  happiness  is  moral— 
that  which  decreases  it,  or  puts  it  in  peril,  is  immoral. 

It  is  not  hard  for  an  atheist — for  an  unbeliever — to 
keep  his  hands  out  of  the  fire.  He  knows  that  burning 
his  hands  will  not  increase  his  well-being,  and  he  is 
moral  enough  to  keep  them  out  of  the  flames. 

So  it  may  be  said  that  each  man  acts  according  to  his 
intelligence — so  far  as  what  he  considers  his  own  good  is 
concerned.  Sometimes  he  is  swayed  by  passion,  by 
prejudice,  by  ignorance,  but  when  he  is  really  intelligent, 
master  of  himself,  he  does  what  he  believes  is  best  for 
him.  If  he  is  intelligent  enough  he  knows  that  what  is 


8/o  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

really  good  for  him  is  good  for  others — for  all  the  world. 

It  is  impossible  for  me  to  see  why  any  belief  in  the 
supernatural  is  necessary  to  have  a  keen  perception  of 
right  and  wrong.  Every  man  who  has  the  capacity  to 
suffer  and  enjoy,  and  has  imagination  enough  to  give  the 
same  capacity  to  others,  has  within  himself  the  natural 
basis  of  all  morality.  The  idea  of  morality  was  born 
here,  in  this  world,  of  the  experience,  the  intelligence  of 
mankind.  Morality  is  not  of  supernatural  origin.  It  did 
not  fall  from  the  clouds,  and  it  needs  no  belief  in  the 
supernatural,  no  supernatural  promises  or  threats,  no 
supernatural  heavens  or  hells  to  give  it  force  and  life. 
Subjects  who  are  governed  by  the  threats  and  promises 
of  a  king  are  merely  slaves.  They  are  not  governed  by 
the  ideal,  by  noble  views  of  right  and  wrong.  They  are 
obedient  cowards,  controlled  by  fear,  or  beggars  governed 
by  rewards,  by  alms. 

Right  and  wrong  exist  in  the  nature  of  things.  Murder 
was  just  as  criminal  before  as  after  the  promulgation  of 
the  ten  commandments. 

Eighth,  many  of  the  clergy,  some  editors  and  some 
writers  of  letters  who  have  answered  me  have  said  that 
suicide  is  the  worst  of  crimes,  that  a  man  had  better 
murder  somebody  else  than  himself.  One  clergyman 
gives  as  a  reason  for  this  statement  that  the  suicide  dies 
in  an  act  of  sin,  and  therefore  he  had  better  kill  another 
person.  Probably  he  would  commit  a  less  crime  if  he 
would  murder  his  wife  or  mother. 

I  do  not  see  that  it  is  any  worse  to  die  than  to  live  in 
sin.  To  say  that  it  is  not  as 'wicked  to  murder  another 
as  yourself  seems  absurd.  The  man  about  to  kill  him- 
self wishes  to  die.  Why  is  it  better  for  him  to  kill 

lother  man,  who  wishes  to  live? 


THE  RIGHT  TO  ONE'S  LIFE.  8/1 

To  my  mind  it  seems  clear  that  you  had  better  injure 
yourself  than  another.  Better  be  a  spendthrift  than  a 
thief.  Better  throw  away  your  own  money  than  steal 
the  money  of  another.  Better  kill  yourself  if  you  wish  to 
die  than  murder  one  whose  life  is  full  of  joy. 

The  clergy  tell  us  that  God  is  everywhere,  and  that  it 
is  one  of  the  greatest  possible  crimes  to  rush  into  His 
presence.  It  is  wonderful  how  much  they  know  about 
God  and  how  little  about  their  fellow-men.  Wonderful 
the  amount  of  their  information  about  other  worlds  and 
how  limited  their  knowledge  is  of  this. 

There  may  or  may  not  be  an  infinite  being.  I  neither 
affirm  nor  deny.  I  am  honest  enough  to  say  that  I  do 
not  know.  I  am  candid  enough  to  admit  that  the  ques- 
tion is  beyond  the  limitations  of  my  mind.  Yet  I  think 
I  know  as  much  on  that  subject  as  any  human  being 
knows  or  ever  knew,  and  that  is — nothing. 

I  do  not  say  that  there  is  not  another  world,  another 
life;  neither  do  I  say  that  there  is.  I  say  that  I  do  not 
know.  It  seems  to  me  that  every  sane  and  honest  man 
must  say  the  same.  But  if  there  is  an  infinitely  good 
God  and  another  world,  then  the  infinitely  good  God  will 
be  just  as  good  to  us  in  that  world  as  He  is  in  this.  If 
this  infinitely  good  God  loves  His  children  in  this  world, 
He  will  love  them  in  another.  If  He  loves  a  man  when 
he  is  alive,  He  will  not  hate  him  the  instant  he  is  dead. 

If  we  are  the  children  of  an  infinitely  wise  and  power- 
ful God,  He  knew  exactlv  what  we  would  do — the 
temptations  that  we  could  and  could  not  withstand — 
knew  exactly  the  effect  that  everything  would  have  upon 
us,  knew  under  what  circumstances  we  would  take  our 
lives — and  produced  such  circumstances  himself.  It  is 


872  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

perfectly  apparent  that  there  are  many  people  incapable 
by  nature  of  bearing  the  burdens  of  life,  incapable  of 
preserving  their  mental  poise  in  stress  and  strain  of  dis- 
aster, disease  and  loss,  and  who  by  failure,  by  misfortune 
and  want,  are  driven  to  despair  and  insanity,  in  whose 
darkened  minds  there  comes  like  a  flash  of  lightning  in 
the  night,  the  thought  of  death,  a  thought  so  strong,  so 
vivid,  that  all  fear  is  lost,  all  ties  broken,  all  duties,  all 
obligations,  all  hopes  forgotten,  and  naught  remains  ex- 
cept a  fierce  and  wild  desire  to  die.  Thousands  and 
thousands  become  moody,  melancholy,  brood  upon  loss 
of  money,  of  position,  of  friends,  until  reason  abdicates, 
and  frenzy  takes  possession  of  the  s"oul.  If  there  be  an 
infinitely  wise  and  powerful  God,  all  this  was  known  to 
Him  from  the  beginning,  and  He  so  created  things,  estab- 
lished relations,  put  in  operation  causes  and  effects  that 
all  that  has  happened  was  the  necessary  result  of  his  own 
acts. 

Ninth,  nearly  all  who  have  tried  to  answer  what  I 
said  have  been  exceeding  careful  to  misquote  me,  and 
then  answer  something  that  I  never  uttered.  They  have 
declared  that  I  have  advised  people  who  were  in  trouble, 
somewhat  annoyed,  to  kill  themselves;  that  I  have  told 
men  who  have  lost  their  money,  who  had  failed  in  busi- 
ness, who  were  not  good  in  health,  to  kill  themselves  at 
once,  without  taking  into  consideration  any  duty  that 
they  owed  to  wives,  children,  friends,  or  society. 

No  man  has  a  right  to  leave  his  wife  to  fight  the  battle 
alone  if  he  is  able  to  help.  No  man  has  a  right  to  desert 
his  children  if  he  can  possibly  be  of  use.  As  long  as  he 
can  add  to  the  comfort  of  those  he  loves,  as  long  as  he 
can  stand  between  wife  and  misery,  between  child  and 


8/3 

want,  as  long  as  he  can  be  of  use,  it  is  his  duty  to  re- 
main. 

1  believe  in  the  cheerful  view,  in  looking  at  the  sunny 
side  of  things,  in  bearing  with  fortitude  the  evils  of  life, 
in  struggling  against  adversity,  in  finding  the  fuel  of 
laughter  even  in  disaster,  in  having  confidence  in  to- 
ne orrow,  in  finding  the  pearl  of  joy  among  the  flints  and 
shards,  and  in  changing  by  the  alchemy  of  patience  even 
evil  things  to  good.  I  believe  in  the  gospel  of  cheerful- 
ness, of  courage  and  good-nature. 

Of  the  future  I  have  no  fear.  My  fate  is  the  fate  of 
the  world,  of  all  that  live.  My  anxieties  are  about  this 
life,  this  world.  About  the  phantoms  called  gods  and 
their  impossible  hells,  I  have  no  care,  no  fear. 

The  existence  of  God  I  neither  affirm  nor  deny.  I 
wait.  The  immortality  of  the  soul  I  neither  affirm  nor 
deny.  I  hope,  hope  for  all  of  the  children  of  men.  I 
have  never  denied  the  existence  of  another  world,  nor 
the  immortality  of  the  soul.  For  many  years  I  have  said 
that  the  idea  of  immortality,  that  like  a  sea  has  ebbed 
and  flowed  in  the  human  heart,  with  its  countless  waves 
of  hope  and  fear  beating  against  the  shores  and  rocks  of 
time  and  fate,  was  not  born  of  any  book,  nor  of  any 
creed,  nor  of  any  religion.  It  was  born  of  human  affec- 
tion, and  it  will  continue  to  ebb  and  flow  beneath  the 
mists  and  clouds  of  doubt  and  darkness  as  long  as  love 
kisses  the  lips  of  death. 

What  I  deny  is  the  immortality  of  pain,  the  eternity 
of  torture. 

After,  all  the  instinct  of  self-preservation  is  strong. 
People  do  not  kill  themselves  on  the  advice  of  friends  or 
enemies.  All  wish  to  be  happy,  to  enjoy  life;  all  wish 


874  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES. 

for  food  and  roof  and  raiment,  for  friends,  and  as  long 
as  life  gives  joy  the  idea  of  self-destruction  never  enters 
the  human  mind. 

The  oppressors,  the  tyrants,  those  who  trample  on  the 
rights  of  others,  the  robbers  of  the  poor,  those  who  put 
wages  below  the  living  point,  the  ministers  who  make 
people  insane  by  preaching  the  dogma  of  eternal  pain; 
these  are  the  .men  who  drive  the  weak,  the  suffering  and 
the  helpless  down  to  death. 

It  will  not  do  to  say  that  "God"  has  appointed  a 
time  for  each  to  die.  Of  this  there  is,  and  there  can  be, 
no  evidence.  There  is  no  evidence  that  any  god  takes 
any  interest  in  the  affairs  of  men — that  any  sides  with 
the  right  or  helps  the  weak,  protects  the  innocent  or 
rescues  the  oppressed.  Even  the  clergy  admit  that  their 
God,  through  all  ages,  has  allowed  his  friends,  his  wor- 
shipers, to  be  imprisoned,  tortured  and  murdered  by  His 
enemies.  Such  is  the  protection  of  God.  Billions  of 
prayers  have  been  uttered;  has  one  been  answered?  Who 
sends  plague,  pestilence  and  famine?  Who  bids  the 
earthquake  devour  and  the  volcano  to  overwhelm? 

Tenth,  again  I  say  that  it  is  wonderful  to  me  that 
so  many  men,  so  many  women  endure  and  carry  their 
burdens  to  the  natural  end;  that  so  many,  in  spite  of 
"age,  ache  and  penury,"  guard  with  trembling  hands 
the  spark  of  life;  that  prisoners  for  life  toil  and  suffer  to 
the  last;  that  the  helpless  wretches  in  poor-houses  and 
asylums  cling  to  life;  that  the  exiles  in  Siberia,  loaded 
with  chains,  sca/red  ivith  the  knout,  live  on;  that  the 
incurables,  whose  every  breath  is  a  pang,  and  for  whom 
the  future  has  only  pain,  should  fear  the  merciful  touch 
and  clasp  of  death. 


THE  RIGHT  TO  ONE'S  LIFE.  8/5 

It  is  but  a  few  steps  at  most  from  the  cradle  to  the 
grave;  a  short  journey.  The  suicide  hastens,  shortens 
the  path,  loses  the  afternoon,  the  twilight,  the  dusk  of 
life's  day;  loses  what  he  does  not  want,  what  he  cannot 
bear.  In  the  tempest  of  despair,  in  the  blind  fury  of 
madness  or  in  the  calm  of  thought  and  choice  the 
beleaguered  soul  finds  the  serenity  of  death. 

Let  us  leave  the  dead  where  nature  leaves  them.  We 
know  nothing  of  any  realm  that  lies  beyond  the  horizon 
of  the  known,  beyond  the  end  of  life.  Let  us  be  honest 
with  ourselves  and  others.  Let  us  pity  the  suffering, 
the  despairing,  the  men  and  women  hunted  and  pursued 
by  grief  and  shame,  by  misery  and  want,  by  chance  and 
fate  until  their  only  friend  is  death. 


FOR  THE  DEAF. 

THE  AUDIPHONE 


An  Instrument  that  Enables  Deaf  Persons  to  Hear  Or- 
dinary Conversation  Readily  through  the  itif  cllnm 
of  the  X«etli,  and  Many  of  those  Born  Deaf  and 
Dumb  to  Hear  and  Learn  to  Speak. 

INVENTEB  BY  RICHARD  S.  RHODES,  CHICAGO. 

Medal  Awarded  at  the  World's  Columbian  Expo- 
sition, Chicago, 

The  Audiphone  is  a  new  instrument  made  of  a  peculiar  composi- 
tion, ppsessing  the  property  of  gathering  the  faintest  sounds  (some- 
what similar  to  a  telephone  diaphragm),  and  conveying  them  to  the 
auditory  nerve,  through  the  medium  of  the  teeth.  The  external  tar 
has  nothing  whatever  to  do  in  hearing  with  this  wonderful  instru- 
ment. 

Thousands  are  in  use  by  those  who  would  not  do  without  them  for 
any  consideration.  It  has  enabled  doctors  and  lawyers  to  resume 
practice,  teachers  to  resume  teaching,  mothers  to  hear  the  voices  of 
their  children,  thousands  to  hear  their  minister,  attend  concerts  and 
theatres,  and  engage  in  general  conversation.  Music  is  heard  per- 
fectly with  it  when  without  it  not  a  note  could  be  distinguished.  It  is 
convenient  to  carry  and  to  use.  Ordinary  conversation  can  be  heard 
with  ease.  In  most  cases  deafness  is  not  detected. 

Full  instructions  will  be  sent  with  each  instrument.  The  Audi- 
phone  is  patented  throughout  the  civilized  world. 


Conversational,  small  size,               -  -               •               $3  oo 

Conversational,  medium  size,  »               •                          3  oo 

Concert  size,      -                -                -  -               •                 5  oo 

Trial  instruments,  good  and  serviceable,  -            -             i  50 

The  Audiphone  will  be  sent  to  any  address,  on  receipt  of  price,  by 

RHODES  &  MCCLURE  PUBLISHING  CO,, 

-£ugp»aa.ts  fox  t3a.e  "World., 

93  •^RTaelLixLetoa.  St., 


TEACHING  THE  DEAF  TO 
SPEAK. 


THE  TEETH  THE  BEST  MEDIUM  AND  THE  AUDIPHONE  THE 

BEST   INSTRUMENT  FOR   CONVEYING   SOUNDS  TO 

THE  DEAF,  AND  IN  TEACHING  THE  PARTLY 

DEAF  AND  DUMB  TO  SPEAK. 


ADDRESS  DELIVERED  BY  R.  S.  RHODES,  OF 

CHICAGO,  BEFORE  THE  FOURTEENTH  CONVENTION 

OF  AMERICAN  TEACHERS  OF  THE  DEAF,  AT 

FLINT,  MICHIGAN. 


MR.  PRESIDENT  AND  LADIES  AND  GENTLEMEN: 

I  would  like  to  relate  some  of  the  causes  which  led  to 
my  presence  with  you  to-day. 

About  sixteen  years  ago  I  devised  this  instrument,  the 
audiphone,  which  greatly  assisted  me  in  hearing,  and 
discovered  that  many  who  had  not  learned  to  speak  were 
not  so  deaf  as  myself.  I  reasoned  that  an  instrument  in 
the  hands  of  one  who  had  not  learned  to  speak  would 
act  the  same  as  when  in  the  hands  of  one  who  had 
learned  to  speak,  and  that  the  mere  fact  of  one  not  being 
able  to  speak  would  in  no  wise  affect  the  action  of  the 
instrument.  To  ascertain  if  or  not  my  simple  reasoning 
was  correct,  I  borrowed  a  deaf-mute,  a  boy  about  twelve 
years  old,  and  took  him  to  my  farm.  We  arrived  there 
in  the  evening,  and  during  the  evening  I  experimented  to 

17 


1 8  THE   AUDIPHONE. 

see  if  he  could  distinguish  some  of  the  vowel  sounds,  My 
experiments  in  this  direction  were  quite  satisfactory. 
Early  in  the  morning  I  provided  him  with  an  audiphone 
and  took  him  by  the  hand  for  a  walk  about  the  farm. 
We  soon  came  across  a  flock  of  turkeys.  We  approached 
closely,  the  boy  with  his  audiphone  adjusted  to  his  teeth, 
and  when  the  gobbler  spoke  in  his  peculiar  voice,  the  boy 
was  convulsed  with  laughter,  and  jumping  for  joy  con- 
tinued to  follow  the  fowl  with  his  audiphone  properly 
adjusted,  and  at  every  remark  of  the  gobbler  the  boy  was 
delighted.  I  was  myself  delighted,  and  began  to  think 
my  reasoning  was  correct. 

We  next  visited  the  barn.  I  led  him  into  a  stall  beside 
a  horse  munching  his  oats,  and  to  my  delight  he  could 
hear  the  grinding  of  the  horse's  teeth  when  the  audiphone 
was  adjusted,  and  neither  of  us  could  without.  In  the 
stable  yard  was  a  cow  lowing  for  its  calf,  which  he  plainly 
showed  he  could  hear,  and  when  I  led  him  to  the  cow- 
barn  where  the  calf  was  confined,  he  could  hear  it  reply 
to  the  cow,  and  by  signs  showed  that  he  understood  their 
language,  and  that  he  knew  the  one  was  calling  for  the 
other.  We  then  visited  the  pig-sty  where  the  porkers 
poked  their  noses  near  to  us.  He  could  hear  them  with 
the  audiphone  adjusted,  and  enjoyed  their  talk,  and 
understood  that  they  wanted  more  to  eat.  I  gave  him 
some  corn  to  throw  over  to  them,  and  he  signed  that  that 
was  what  they  wanted,  and  that  now  they  were  satisfied. 
He  soon,  however,  broke  away  from  me  and  pursued  the 
gobbler  and  manifested  more  satisfaction  in  listening  to 
its  voice  than  to  mine,  and  the  vowel  sounds  as  com- 
pared to  it  were  of  slight  importance  to  him,  and  for  the 
three  days  he  was  at  my  farm  that  poor  turkey  gobbler 
had  but  little  rest.* 


HEARING  THROUGH  THE  TEETH.  1 9 

With  these  and  other  experiments  I  was  satisfied  that 
he  could  hear,  and  that  there  were  many  like  him;  so  I 
took  my  grip  and  audiphones  and  visited  most  of  the 
institutions  for  the  deaf  in  this  country.  In  all  institu- 
tions I  found  many  who  could  hear  well,  and  presented 
the  instrument  with  which  this  hearing  could  be  improved 
and  brought  within  the  scope  of  the  human  voice.  But 
at  one  institution  I  was  astonished;  I  found  a  bright  girl 
with  perfect  hearing  being  educated  to  the  sign  language. 
She  could  repeat  words  after  me  parrot-like,  but  had  no 
knowledge  of  their  value  in  sentences.  I  inquired  why 
she  was  in  the  institution  for  the  deaf,  and  by  examining 
the  records  we  learned  she  was  the  child  of  deaf-mute 
parents,  and  had  been  brought  up  by  them  in  the  country, 
and  although  her  hearing  was  perfect,  she  had  not  heard 
spoken  language  enough  to  acquire  it,  and  I  was  informed 
by  the  superintendent  of  the  institution  that  she  pre- 
ferred signs  to  speech.  I  was  astonished  that  a  child 
with  no  knowledge  of  the  value  of  speech  should  be  per- 
mitted to  elect  to  be  educated  by  signs  instead  of  speech, 
ind  to  be  so  educated  in  a  state  institution.  This  cir- 
cumstance convinced  me  more  than  ever  that  there  was 
a  great  work  to  be  done  in  redeeming  the  partly  deaf 
children  from  the  slavery  of  silence,  and  I  was  more 
firmly  resolved  than  ever  that  I  would  devote  the  re- 
mainder of  my  life  to  this  cause. 

I  have  had  learned  scientists  tell  me  that  I  could  not 
hear  through  my  teeth.  It  would  take  more  scientists 
than  ever  were  born  to  convince  me  that  I  did  not  hear 
Ay  sainted  mother's  and  beloved  father's  dying  voice 
with  this  instrument,  when  I  could  not  have  heard  it 
without. 


2O  THE   AUDIPHONE. 

It  would  take  more  scientists  than  ever  were  born  to 
convince  me  that  I  did  not  hear  the  voice  of  the  Rev. 
James  B.  McClure,  one  who  has  been  dear  to  me  for  the 
last  twenty  years,  and  accompanied  rne  on  most  of  my 
visits  to  institutions  spoken  of  above,  and  who  has  en- 
couraged me  in  my  labors  for  the  deaf  all  these  years,  say, 
as  I  held  his  hand  on  his  dying  bed  only  Monday  last, 
and  took  my  final  leave  from  him  (and  let  me  say,  I 
know  of  no  cause  but  this  that  would  have  induced  me 
to  leave  him  then),  "  Go  to  Flint;  do  all  the  good  you 
can.  God  bless  your  labors  for  the  deaf!  We  shall 
never  meet  again  on  earth.  Meet  me  above.  Good-by!" 

And,  Mr.  President,  when  I  am  laid  at  rest,  it  will  be 
with  gratitude  to  you  and  with  greater  resignation  for  the 
active  part  you  have  taken  in  the  interest  of  these  partly 
deaf  children  in  having  a  section  for  aural  work  admitted 
to  this  national  convention,  for  in  this  act  you  have  con- 
tributed to  placing  this  work  on  a  firm  foundation,  which 
is  sure  to  result  in  the  greatest  good  to  this  class. 

You  have  heard  our  friend,  the  inventor  of  the  tele- 
phone, say  that  in  his  experiments  for  a  device  to  im- 
prove the  hearing  of  the  deaf,  (as  he  was  not  qualified 
by  deafness,)  he  did  not  succeed,  but  invented  the  tele- 
phone instead,  which  has  lined  his  pocket  with  gold. 
From  what  I  know  of  the  gentleman,  I  believe  he  would 
willingly  part  with  all  the  gold  he  has  received  for  the 
use  of  this  wonderful  invention,  had  he  succeeded  in  his 
efforts  in  devising  an  instrument  which  would  have 
emancipated  even  twenty  per  cent,  of  the  deaf  in  the  in- 
stitutions from  the  slavery  of  silence.  I  have  often 
wished  that  he  might  have  invented  the  audiphone  and 


HEARING  THROUGH  THE  TEETH.          21 

received  as  much  benefit  by  its  use  as  I,  for  then  he 
would  have  used  the  gold  he  derives  from  the  telephone 
in  carrying  the  boon  to  the  deaf;  but  when  I  consider 
that  in  wishing  this  I  must  wish  him  deaf,  and  as  it  would 
not  be  right  for  me  to  wish  him  this  great  affliction,  there- 
fore since  I  am  deaf,  and  I  invented  the  audiphone,  I 
would  rather  wish  that  I  might  have  invented  the  tele- 
phone also;  in  which  case  I  assure  the  deaf  that  I  would 
have  used  my  gold  as  freely  in  their  behalf  as  would  he. 
[The  speaker  then  explained  the  use  of  the  audiometer 
in  measuring  the  degree  of  hearing  one  may  possess. 
Then,  at  his  request,  a  gentleman  from  the  audience,  a 
superintendent  of  one  of  our  large  institutions,  took  a 
position  about  five  feet  from  the  speaker,  and  was  asked 
to  speak  loud  enough  for  Mr.  Rhodes  to  hear  when  he  did 
not  have  the  audiphone  in  use,  and  by  shouting  at  the  top 
of  his  voice,  Mr.  Rhodes  was  able  to  hear  only  two  or 
three  "o"  sounds,  but  could  not  distinguish  a  word. 
With  the  audiphone  adjusted  to  his  teeth,  still  looking 
away  from  the  speaker,  he  was  able  to  understand  ordinary 
tones,  and  repeated  sentences  after  him;  and,  when  look- 
ing at  him  and  using  his  eye  and  audiphone,  the  speaker 
lowering  his  voice  nearly  as  much  as  possible  and 
yet  articulating,  Mr.  Rhodes  distinctly  heard  every 
word  and  repeated  sentences  after  him,  thus  showing  the 
value  of  the  audiphone  and  eye  combined,  although  Mr. 
Rhodes  had  never  received  instructions  in  lip  reading. 
The  gentleman  stated  that  he  had  tested  Mr.  Rhodes' 
hearing  with  the  audiometer  when  he  was  at  his  institu- 
tion in  1894,  and  found  he  possessed  seven  per  cent,  in 
his  left  ear  and  nothing  in  his  right.] 


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EVILS  OF  THE  CITIES:  By  T.  DeWitt  Talmage,  D.  D.;  530  pages. 
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complete;  n._wly  revised  popular  (1897)  edition; 
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1  ing  and  poetical  presentation  of  Biblical  stories,  history  and  gospel 
truth;  fully  and  handsomely  illustrated  from  the  world-renowned  artist, 
Gustave  Dore,  by  E.  U.  Cook,  the  whole  forming  an  exceedingly  inter- 
esting and  entertaining  poetical  Bible.  One  of  the  handsomest  volumes 
ever  issued  in  Chicago. 


Standard  Publications,  $1.00  each,  Cloth-bound. 


MELODIES  FOR  THE  LITTLE  ONES 
AT  HOME.  320  pages.  "  This  hand- 
somely illustrated  book  has  b£en  com- 
piled and  arranged  by  one  who  is  best 
able  to  tell  what  is  good  for  the  instruc- 
tion and  amusement  of  the  children"— 
A  MOTHER.  Many  of  the  rhymes  are 
original,  but  a  large  number  are  old 
favorites  that  will  interest  the  old  folk 
as  reminiscences  of  their  childhood 
days.  The  illustrations  are  numerous 
and  include  illustrations  from  GUSTAVE 
DORE  of  nearly  every  story  in  the  Bible 
interesting  to  children. 

They  are  idols  of  home  and  of  households; 

They  are  Angels  of  God  in  disguise. 

His  sunlight  still  sleeps  in  their  tresses; 

His  glory  still  gleams  in  their  eyes. 

GEMS  OF  POETRY.     407  pages.    Finely  illustrated.    Contains  a  very 
choice  and  varied  selection  of  our  most  popular,  beautiful  and  time- 
honored  poems,  written  by    the    poets    of  all  ages  and  climes.     A 
magnificent  gift    book  for  a  friend;  a  splendid  book  for  the  holidays;  ap- 
propriate for  a  birthday  or  wedding  present;  a  fine  center-table  book,  in- 
teresting to  all. 

COL.  R.  G.  INGERSOLL'S  LECTURES  COMPLETE.     426  pages. 
Including    his    ''Answers   to    the  Clergy,"  his  lectures  on  "Gods," 
"Ghosts,"     "Hell,"      "Individuality,"      "Humboldt,"      "Which 
Way,"    "The    Great    Infidels,"   "Talmagian   Theology,"  "At  a   Child's 
Grave,"    "  Ingersoll's    Oration   at   His   Brother's   Grave,"  "  Mistakes  of 
Moses,"    "Skulls  and  Replies,"  and  "What  Shall  We  Do  to  Be  Saved?" 

COL.  R.  G.  INGERSOLL'S  LATEST  LECTURES.     450  pages.    In- 
cluding his  lectures  on  "Thomas  Paine,"  "Liberty  of  Man,  Woman 
and  Child,"    "Orthodoxy,"    "Blasphemy,"   "Some  Reasons  Why," 
"Intellectual  Development,"  "  Human  Rights,"   "  Talmagian  Theology," 
"Religious    Intolerance,"   "Hereafter,"     "Review   of    His   Reviewers," 
"How    the    Gods    Grow,"    "The   Religion  of  Our  Day,"   "  Heretics  and 
Heresies,"   "TheBible,"   "Voltaire,"    "  Myth  and  Miracle."     Including, 
also,    Ingersoll's   letters  on    "The  Chinese   God,"  "Is  Suicide  a  Sin  ?" 
"The  Right  to  One's  Life." 

Price,  sent  by  mail,  post-paid,  bound  in  cloth  with  silver  trimmings. $i  oo 


ADDRESS 
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GENERAL  LIBRARY 
UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA— BERKELEY 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or  on  the 

date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


130ct'54BP 


NOV   13  1954  ^' 


1 


1954  fll 


JUL2  0  1955 


SEP    61951 


LU    REC,D 


': 


L.CI 


OCT8    195C; 


21-100m-l, '54  (1887sl6)  476 


81960 


J 


1  1  1982 


YC  30135 


-•-\ 


U.C.  BERKELEY  LIBRARIES 


